


Experimental

by Zafona



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Animalistic, Animalistic Castiel, Babysitting, Bathing/Washing, Blood Loss, Cas wearing UGGs, Clones, College AU, Complete, Dead Parents, Dean has a Panty Kink, Destiel - Freeform, Dismemberment, Fever Dreams, Hospitalization, Human Experimentation, Hurt Castiel, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jam, M/M, Mute Castiel, Nightmares, Poison, Protective Dean Winchester, Recovery, Science Experiments, Self-Harm, Starvation, Suicide Attempt, Trauma, Unethical Experimentation, Wings, a little panty kink mention anyway, bobby babysits, he can't speak, human cloning, learning to speak, past homophobia, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-15
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-04-26 13:38:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 105
Words: 275,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5006794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zafona/pseuds/Zafona
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>From poor and frugal livings to the little Winchester family finding themselves exploring their new mansion. It had to be too good to be true - no Winchester was ever that lucky. And that same fact held true when Dean discovered an underground lab set up by the previous owner. There were numerous testing chambers with strange creatures lurking inside. Dean's venturing stops at the only enclosure with a single name engraved above the door; Castiel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! I'm back after a long wait. Here's a new story, let me know what you think! Reviews would be awesome if you could spare the time to say something :) It means a lot to me and helps me keep motivated

 

* * *

"Summer break," Dean mused out loud, his feet propped up on the coffee table as he stared at the shitty day-time TV choices, "it's summer break and we're up as if school was still on."

"College really beats a schedule into you," Jet shrugged, his thumb periodically pressing a button on the remote. "Maybe Netflix?"

"It'll take like an hour to pick something we both want to watch."

"Mm…"

They sat in silence for another five minutes as Jet circled through the same options, "Okay," Dean rubbed his face tiredly, "I'm putting Netflix on."

"Cool, horror movie?" Jet tossed the remote Dean's way and dropped his arm like dead weight.

"Too early, plus I don't feel like committing to a movie… maybe we could watch a show?"

"But then we have to keep watching it, not sure I'm up for that either."

Dean furrowed his brow, "'Kay, then maybe a show that you don't need to watch in succession? Something we can stop whenever."

"That sounds good," Jet sat upright and watched Dean scroll through their options. "Sam up yet?"

"Nah, he was snoring up a storm, figured I'd let him sleep in."

"He's got class today, doesn't he? High school doesn't break 'til June."

"Yeah, he's got another two months." Dean smirked, "But his alarm didn't go off, that's not my problem."

"You're an ass," Jet smirked in amusement. As they flipped through the different shows he lit up, pointing at the screen he said "Oh! Kenny vs. Spenny, let's watch that."

Dean silently agreed by picking an episode, perfectly dumb, vulgar comedy for a lazy Monday. "Hey, I forgot to ask, you working for MacLeod again this summer?"

"Yeah," Jet answered begrudgingly. "Four months of doing shit around his house pays for a year of classes, how could I say no to that?"

"By saying it just like that; 'no.'"

"Hilarious."

"No man, I'm serious. Dude's creepy."

"He's old, that doesn't mean he's creepy."

Dean rolled his eyes, "He's old  _and_  creepy, and that makes it worse. He's like 80 and he's as bad as Herbert from Family Guy."

Jet burst into laughter despite attempting to fight it. He slid his hand down his face, covering his eyes. "Oh my god," he gasped and smacked Dean's arm, "Don't do that to me, I have to work for him all summer!"

"Just sayin', bro." Dean grinned, "When's your first day?"

Still stifling his giggles, Jet picked up his phone and checked his calendar, "Tomorrow, I start at 8."

"Sucks."

"Yep." Jet exhaled heavily, dropped his phone and lifted his shirt, "how're my assets?"

"Maybe sit up and they wouldn't look so rolly-polly."

"Says the guy who eats cookie dough straight out of the Pillsbury can."

Dean swatted Jet's head with the back of his hand, "You did it too, ass-hat."

Jet smacked him back, Dean would've argued at least twice as hard. "I only ate  _half_ , you ate the whole damn thing, you fuckin' dick."

The sound of frantic footsteps interrupted their little fight; both froze and listened to the bathroom door close. "Sammy's up." Dean said quietly.

"Boy's gonna be pissed we didn't wake him."

"Maybe, don't mention we knew he was there."

Jet grinned with a quiet huff of laughter, "Was planning on it."

Moments later Sam rushed down the hall to them, his hair a disaster and his face covered in pillow creases. "Dean," he didn't sound angry, tired and panicked more covered his tone. "Did you pay the water bill?"

"Uh," Dean was thrown off, he expected the chance to say something like 'shouldn't you be at school.' However suddenly being tossed into the world of bills and adulthood took his words away.

"That's a negative," Jet said after the extended silence, he sighed annoyedly with the flattest expression. "Man, seriously? You had one job!"

"I'm sorry!" Dean raised his hands in defense, "I'll call now and fix it."

"Didn't you guys notice?" Sam looked at Jet while Dean fumbled for his phone.

"We got up pretty early," Jet turned around and leaned over the back of the couch, watching Sam with a half smile, "Water was runnin' just fine at 7. They must've just shut it off."

Sam groaned and dropped down onto the floor like the world was ending. He leaned against the wall and dropped his head, "I already missed half of calculus…"

"Might as well stay home the rest of the day then," Jet grinned and earned himself a glare from Sam.

"I'm not like you two; I plan on graduating the first time around." Sam leaned with all his weight and slid down until he was flat on the hideously tiled floor. "I'm almost done, two more months 'til graduation."

Jet hummed softly, distracted by the ringing of his phone. He looked at the display and frowned, "Who the fuck-" he tapped the answer button "hello?"

"Hello," Dean had just found the number to get their water back on, he looked at Jet frustratedly as they tried to talk at the same time. Their impromptu decision to 'see who could talk louder during the other's phone call' made Sam roll his eyes. Jet finally scrunched up his nose at Dean and got up to escape to the basement. Dean won that round, though not by much.

Sam remained sprawled on the floor and stared at the ceiling, he listened to Dean's negotiation skills without saying a word. It wasn't necessary to speak, everyone in the household was aware that Dean shouldn't have been in charge of the water bill that month.

Jet's call was far shorter than Dean's, getting utilities up and running again wasn't often a simple task. "Dude," Jet walked back into the living room area, not speaking to either Winchester in particular, mostly just talking to the room. "I'm out of a fucking job."

"What?" Sam lifted his head and noticed that Jet was serious so he sat up at attention. "Why? What happened?"

"MacLeod's dead."

Sam didn't say anything; he inhaled like he meant to speak but instead looked at the floor as if words would float out of it.

Dean on the other hand covered his phone's speaker, "Took him long enough,"

"Dean," Sam hissed exasperatedly as he scowled at his brother. Dean mouthed 'what' once but went back to his conversation about their water. Sam looked up at Jet who stood contemplatively with his arms crossed, "What's the plan now?"

"I have no idea, but on Monday I've gotta go meet his lawyer."

"Seriously?" Sam furrowed his brow, "What for?"

"Apparently he left me something," Jet shrugged and walked back over to the couch, tossing himself over the back of it and landing heavily on the cushions and Dean.

Dean shoved his legs off and kept his composure over the phone, silently snarling at his idiot roommate for the drop kick.

"Okay, today is too weird." Sam climbed up off the floor and trudged back to his room, "I'm gonna get ready for school. It's Friday, I can handle one more day."

"Or take a long weekend." Jet called after him.

"Monday's an in-service, I don't need four days." Sam yelled back, stubborn 'til the end.

By the time he was dressed and out the door Dean got off the phone, "Should be cool now," he smiled, proud of himself for doing something adult.

"Good job, man." Jet lifted a fist and Dean bumped it without hesitation.

"Thanks, bro."

* * *

_Monday_

"Gonna say goodbye to your sugar daddy?"

"Fuck off, bro. I'm seeing a lawyer about his  _will_ , maybe be a little sensitive, huh?"

"Yeah, yeah… Seriously," Dean laughed, a wide grin spread over his lips as he watched his best friend rummage for an appropriate shirt. "Why are you even going? He was an old perv, what could he possibly leave you?"

"I don't know," Jet answered without looking Dean's way, his tone was pissy at best. "And he wasn't  _that_  bad." It was the classic 'don't speak ill of the dead' attitude Jet had that surprised Dean the most, he was determined to coax it out of his buddy.

"Dude," Dean suppressed another laugh as he leaned around into Jet's view, "your uniform was low-cut jeans and no shirt."

Jet raised an eyebrow and placed a hand over Dean's face, shoving him aside, "I wasn't wearing low-cut jeans, and it was hard labour during summers; not having to wear a shirt was a godsend. You're just jealous I made more money than you every summer."

"Whatever," Dean dropped onto Jet's bed with a worrying creak, he crossed his arms behind his head and watched Jet toss garments aside. It wasn't weird to see him fret over an outfit, but to do it for a lawyer meeting? "Still though, I thought you hated the guy? What's with all this effort?"

Jet glanced his way with a smirk, "I do, but I gotta get in character for whatever the old coot left me. I don't have the best track record, if I look any more like a street rat they'd probably kick me out the door." He threw on another shirt as he talked and frowned at a hole under his arm, "Whatever I get I'd like to get it without weird questions or assumptions that I killed the bastard."

Dean snorted out a laugh, "You're terrible,"

"Would you love me any other way?"

"Probably not."

The best shirt Jet owned was solid black, no fancy designs or logos, but most importantly; it wasn't torn up or worn through. "I think I'm good," Jet muttered as he checked himself in the mirror.

"I think you're a prima donna."

"Looking good and feeling good are important with this kind of shit, man." Jet ran a hand through his hair, still looking at his reflection as he changed angles, what he was looking for Dean still didn't know.

"Like you've ever done this before."

"I haven't, but those two things are generally the first step before doing anything. Alright, let's do this." Jet clapped his hands and walked out of his room with Dean right on his heels. They climbed the stairs from the basement and just as they shoved their shoes on a crash sounded from the kitchen.

"Sammy?" Dean called; his head leaned to the side as if it'd help him see through plaster. "You okay?"

"I'm good," Sam replied loudly, "Just, uh… watch your step if you come in here."

"Klutz," Jet snickered, "Better not be dropping my mugs, pal."

"Nope, just mine." Sam said tiredly.

"Well we're off to read MacLeod's will, don't burn the house down!" Dean grinned as he heard Sam scoff at them.

"Have fun," Sam popped into the doorway, his messy hair a good indication of how recently he'd woken up. "Don't get blamed for a murder."

"No promises!" Jet shouted, he was already out the door.

Dean gave his brother a thumb's up before following Jet out to the car. He paused by the driver side door and looked up at their house; three single guys living in a one-story building and none of them could be bothered to give it a new paint-job. Forget about fixing the shingling on the roof or getting new windows, just paint on the walls would help it look a thousand times better.  _'Maybe I should do it this weekend…'_  Dean's thought process was interrupted by a loud banging inside the car.

"Dude!" he heard Jet's muffled voice shouting at him.

"Yeah, yeah," he hopped in and sighed, fingers drumming the steering wheel as he stared forward, "just looking at the house."

Jet pat his shoulder supportively, "Lemme give you some advice; either do it or shut the hell up about it."

"I'm giving you a ride, be a nice asshole for once!" Dean smacked Jet's hand off playfully and started the car, "At least I  _can_  do something about it, what're you gonna do now that you don't have a summer job? College doesn't pay for itself, bro."

Jet's mouth pulled tight and he sat back in his seat, "I know," he ran his hand through his hair again, "I'm just kinda hoping he left me some money. His house was pretty small and he didn't have a lot of stuff, but he's old, old people always squirrel their money away… right?"

Dean shrugged, "Dunno, most old folks complain about how bad their retirement funds are as far as I know."

Jet dropped his face into his hands and groaned, "Fuck…"

"You might want to look into getting a loan,"

"Ffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck…" Jet droned on, Dean could tell he didn't really want to think about it.

* * *

"You want me to come in with you?" Dean asked as they pulled up to the lawyer's office, like Jet was a kid in a strange place. It was kinda true, though.

"Actually," Jet looked at him, "yeah, I do."

Dean nodded and climbed out of the car, the two of them walked inside at the same pace. They'd known each other so long that falling in step with the other was second nature. Inside it was a decently sized building, nothing amazing but still impressive. A modest little office space. When they approached the receptionist Dean took note of how Jet's expression softened as the lady looked up.

"Hi, I'm here to see Mr. Fuller?"

"Name, please?" The brunette asked simply, a gentle tone of voice to match a beautiful face. Dean's gaze lingered on her wedding ring as a reminder not to make a move on her.

"Jethro Tull,"

"Ah, there you are. One moment please, I'll inform him."

Jet and Dean stood back and kicked at the polished floor, glancing around the room like it might be worth inspecting. "Kinda expected a lawyer's office to be nicer…" Dean muttered, the lint in his pockets more entertaining to him than his surroundings.

"Same. I mean it's still pretty nice, but I expected something…"

"Extravagant?"

"Yeah."

"Mr. Tull?" The receptionist called, "Mr. Fuller will see you now, just through the doors on the left." She pointed them out as she spoke.

"Awesome, thanks a lot sweetheart." Jet strolled to the door, Dean smiled at her but kept to Jet's side.

"Not gonna act like you're sad?"

"I was just the guy that did his house work during summer; gotta be sad but not too sad. It's a delicate balance, dude. If you go too far you just look fake."

"Somehow I'm glad I'm not that master of lying to people," Dean mused as they walked into the office. Mr. Fuller was sitting with a few documents on his desk and a smile on his face.

"Good morning gentlemen, thank you for coming."

"It's the least I could do," Jet shook the man's hand first, a nearly genuine smile on his face. If Dean hadn't known Jet better he would've believed it. While Jet chatted with the lawyer Dean couldn't help but wonder why the act was even necessary. Jet was called because something was left for him from an old man, why couldn't Jet just be himself? Of course, being  _himself_  would mean voicing the fact he hated his boss, so minus that part and it would've been fine. Or at least that's how Dean saw it. Jet was a chronic liar though; it probably made more sense to him to act like someone who actually cared.

"Now," Mr. Fuller's tone change caught Dean's attention again, "down to business; Mr. MacLeod didn't have many people in his will. In fact," he paused and looked over the hand-written will another time, "you're the only one on it, Mr. Tull."

Dean glanced at his friend who didn't flinch other than a slight widening in his eyes. That was a real reaction, Dean could tell the difference.

"I knew he didn't have a lot of friends, no one ever stopped by while I was working for him." Jet scratched instinctively at the back of his head, another gesture Dean knew to be genuine. Jet was thrown of his game, he normally didn't give up a tell. "I mean I have no idea what his money situation was. Did he even have anything to give away? And what about his family?"

"He specifically stated that any family he had left was not allowed any of his assets. Mr. MacLeod has left you everything he owned, which includes his town house as well as his estate out of town. He had just over ten million dollars in-"

Dean's mind shut down as it repeated what it'd just heard. He couldn't comprehend what was happening as Fuller listed off all the items written into MacLeod's will. It was a long list and after the first twenty minutes Dean wasn't even sure what it all was anymore. What he did get out of it though was that his childhood friend was suddenly a millionaire. Just because he worked his ass off to look sexy and visit a perverted old man who happened to really like young, dark skinned shirtless boys.

It was a blur and before Dean knew he was sitting in the Impala with Jet who had signed documents and copies of other legal shit Dean knew nothing about. "What the fuck." He stated as its own sentence, like that would sum up everything he felt and he knew that Jet would understand. Which he did but it was more so shared in a look than words.

Dean couldn't believe it, Jet was rich. He could afford college; he could afford to not go to college if he didn't want to. He could do anything he ever wanted. It was amazing and scary at the same time. Dean couldn't imagine the house with just him and Sam in it, because he knew there was no way Jet would stay in a rundown piece of shit like that when he had millions burning holes in his pockets. No late night conversations about dumb shit, or someone to drink with when neither could afford to go to a bar, or watching stupid shows on the weekend.

"Oh my god," Jet breathed audibly as laughter bubbled up in his chest, breaking the silence entirely. "Dean,"

"Yeah?" Dean looked at him, at bright brown eyes that he'd never seen so lively with joy.

"We're fucking rich!"

Those words brought the same astonished smile to Dean's face, "Yeah," he laughed as what he could only describe as relief fell over him, "I guess we are."

"I didn't know he had an estate! Who even uses a town house!? What the fuck!" Jet's words got lost in his laughter, like he'd just lost his mind and had no idea what else to do. Dean could relate.

"I couldn't tell you, man." He felt his own chest contract with stifled laughs, almost as if he was afraid of believing it.

"You wanna check it out?" Jet asked excitedly.

"Should we get Sam?" Dean's first thought in most harmless 'let's go here' scenarios.

"Obviously!" Jet put his seatbelt on and pointed toward the road, "Let's get Sam, check out this fucking estate and celebrate!"

"Hell yeah," Dean threw 'er into gear and tore off the lot.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm astounded at some of the encouraging words. Thank you so much guys. I'm not sure how many of you were aware but I was in a pretty bad writer's block/depression stage and to get the support from just one chapter like this has been amazing. I love you guys, and yes, that includes you mystery reader that I haven't heard from yet :)

 

 

" _This place is falling apart, Dean." Sam was as demanding as ever, sixteen years old and still a brat. Maybe that was more normal than Dean remembered it being. Regardless, it was still a pain in his ass._

" _It's the best we can do, Sam." He didn't want to be an asshole; he knew Sam was just trying to express his distaste for their situation. Running out of money wasn't easy, Dean was just grateful that Jet was there to help pick up a portion of the rent._

" _I know," Sam walked up the steps, hesitating when one dipped under his weight, "But maybe… we can get an apartment?" He was hopeful, like he wanted to be thankful for something but he just couldn't do it._

" _There're no apartments for three people that are cheaper than the monthly rent here." Dean explained like he had several times to himself. He'd told himself the same over and over to try and make it look better than it was. "We'll just fix it up a little, it'll be fine. Bobby can't give us any cash for a while so we'll have to make due, okay?"_

_Sam nodded and headed inside to check it out, Dean wasn't entirely sure he wanted to hear the full opinion._

_They'd lived with Bobby since the accident that took John and Mary from them; it'd been a good ten years since then. Dean and Sam had been staying with Bobby in Sioux Falls during their parents' anniversary trip and they wound up living there full time. The plane went down, everyone on board died. It was devastating but Dean always did his best to hold it together for Sam. Sometimes he wondered if it ever really worked, though._

_The first year of school in Sioux Falls Dean met Jet. They weren't friends right away but Sam won the asshole over, Dean wasn't too surprised, those puppy dog eyes worked on everybody. As it had turned out Jet was from a city but his mom moved him to a small town up North because she figured it was a 'better influence.' She did it too late, in Dean's opinion. Jet was more of a bad influence on him than anything else. But they both managed to graduate (held back a year because of shenanigans that got them kicked out of a chemistry course)._

_Dean loved Bobby as much as he had his own dad, which only made him angrier when Bobby demanded they go to a better college than what Sioux Falls had to offer them._ "You're too good for this town, boy." _Bobby had said with that crotchety old man tone of his,_ "I'll send you some money for housing, pick a good one."

_He did what Bobby asked and moved at 18 years old, being as inseparable as they were, he took Sam and Jet with. Bobby was a little pushy to make sure Dean took Sam too, and it was pretty clear why. The move wasn't just because Dean deserved better, it was also because Sam was such a bright kid that he'd be wasted in a tiny high school. Bobby didn't want to move from his junkyard, said he'd made his roots and that was it for him but he'd go and visit sometimes._

_Two years later, when Dean turned 20 they had to move from the nice housing they'd originally picked because they couldn't afford it anymore. Bobby had hit a rough patch in his health and all his spare money was going to medical bills; it wasn't anything serious but it was still enough to dent his help to the Winchester boys. Now they were looking at a fancy 'fixer-upper' and it was the best thing Dean could find. Jet's negotiating powers were pretty hit or miss, either he'd score them an amazing deal or piss someone off and they'd lose the whole thing entirely._

_Dean was the one who finalized the decision on their living space and he was slowly starting to regret his pick. The roof was a disaster, the driveway was full of holes, and they didn't have a garage for his car. He didn't even want to think about the interior._

" _It's better than nothing," Jet pat him on the shoulder, a reassuring gesture that Dean didn't know he'd needed. "We can make this work, I've had worse."_

" _Thanks man," Dean smiled._

_Sam stepped out the front door again, an apologetic look on his face, "Dean?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _Can I pick out my room first?"_

_Dean's smile widened and he nodded, "Sure."_

* * *

 

"I'm still not sure I believe it," Sam uttered from the back seat, watching the outskirts of town slip away. "I've seen the estate before but still,  _your_ boss owned it?"

"Emphasis on the past tense, Sammy," Jet grinned back at him, having stolen the front next to Dean. "It's ours now!"

Dean had let the elation reach him after telling Sam; his disbelief was put on hold as he let himself live the dream. The odds of it being true were too slim, there was no way it actually happened but he'd enjoy it until he woke up in his bed. How could something like ten million dollars happen to them? All just because of a job choice one of them made? Dean didn't want to think about it, all he wanted was to see this brand new world he'd be living in.

Just outside of town was a large estate, acres of land belonging to one home. It was an old school mansion with a garden and fountain in the courtyard. Trimmed hedges lined the half-mile driveway, the grass was perfectly cut and everything they could see was immaculate. Dean's mouth felt dry as he pulled around the front, it was bigger up close than he'd expected. He always saw it from the highway and it never looked as amazing as it did at that moment.

Sam stepped out of the car and stared in awe, "You guys are really serious, this is ours?" He asked quietly, almost as if speaking too loud would break the illusion he was in. "We're not trespassing?"

"Not unless I say so," Jet waltzed right up the steps, past the marble pillars and to the polished door. He took out the set of keys that looked strange in his hands- too nice for someone like Jet to be holding- and unlocked the doors. With a slight creak the mansion opened to them, natural sunlight poured in from all the windows and lit the place like a wonderland. It was clean, no dust or garbage or anything out of place.

The entrance was incredible, everything was a polished white, the floor reflected the ceiling, which had a chandelier made of crystals. Two red stone staircases led to the second level, a decorative railing lined the way. Dean looked up to see that the entrance was open to all four of the floors, the same railing circled around each level to stop people from falling. It was so open and felt so big; works of art hung on the walls, busts and statues were strategically placed among different kinds of flora.

Dean couldn't focus and just tried to see everything at once; he just couldn't believe that he was even standing there. Part of him expected someone to walk in and demand to know what he was doing there.

"He must have cleaning staff," Sam noted as he slid his hand over the nearest surface, "This place is spotless."

Jet stood with the Winchester brothers, unmoving as all three took in their surroundings. Not one made a move for nearly 30 seconds. Jet slowly stepped forward, his breath caught in his throat as he established that he was walking on real ground. His steps quickened as his mouth pulled back in a smile, "C'mon, let's explore this thing!"

It was like someone had shot the starting gun at a race; Sam ran for the stairs, Jet went down the center hall and Dean headed for the East Wing. Their footsteps echoed and so did their voices when they yelled.

Dean opened the first door he came across and looked inside, it looked like a small sitting room with the most amazing couches he'd ever seen. One wall was just a massive window to see the front courtyard, which was the direction the furniture pointed in general. The room was the size of his and Sam's bedrooms combined back at their rundown piece of shit. It was probably one of the smaller rooms but it still looked incredible to him.

"We've got a fucking pool!" Jet's voice carried down the halls suddenly and Dean almost laughed.

"The bedrooms are amazing!" Sam had run back to the entrance balcony to yell down at them.

Dean hadn't made any discoveries more amazing than those so he just shouted back; "I found a sitting room!" He smiled when he heard their combined laughter; it was true though, he  _had_ found a sitting room.

He continued down the hall and pulled on the next door but it wouldn't budge. He frowned and looked at it closer as he tugged again, it was locked. His inner delinquent told him it was just a door, Jet would understand if he kicked it down. Dean didn't bother to think it over and took several steps back. He rushed forward and discovered first hand that the door was not only made of something more solid than wood, but that it was also reinforced.

Dean hit the floor and groaned, his hands instinctively going to cradle his ankle. "What the hell?" He scrunched his nose up at the door, "Fuckin' weird old douche with his weird old doors made of fuckin' steel."

"Hey!" Jet appeared down the hall, skidding around the corner and trotting over to him, "You okay man? I heard a loud 'thud.'"

"You move fast," Dean laughed and carefully climbed back to his feet, "I literally  _just_  fell."

"Well I realized it wasn't as fun exploring alone," Jet looked at the door as he spoke, his brow dipping a little. "What'd you do?"

"Tried to get inside,"

Jet pulled on the handle once before he fished out the set of keys again, "I was like a ten second walk that way, you had to try and break it down?" He smirked over at Dean who shrugged innocently.

"I didn't want to bug you?"

"You wanted to break something expensive."

"True." Dean's eyes were glued to Jet's hand as he turned the doorknob, it opened with a much more prominent creak than would be expected in such a nice place. It was heavy too, Dean could tell by how Jet pushed on it to get it open. A gust of air burst out as soon as it cracked a little, it had a metallic smell that Dean couldn't place. It was too dark to see anything but there were sounds distantly echoing out.

"Basement?" Jet asked as he slid his hand on the wall for a switch. When the lights flickered on they revealed a steep, metal staircase. It was just as clean as everything else, almost more so. The stairs were enclosed by steel walls on either side and turned a corner at the first landing. Everything about it felt sterile like a hospital, it reminded Dean of a plethora of horror movies and he wasn't so sure he wanted to go down.

"Whoa," he breathed out as he leaned closer, not quite daring to stick any appendages inside.

"Hey," Sam clasped his shoulder and made him jump, a quickly cut off squeak escaping his throat. Sam's mouth twisted up as he tried not to laugh.

"What?" Dean pulled away defensively, his lips pursed and nostrils flaring.

"Nothing," Sam shared a look with Jet who was also attempting not to snicker, "just wanted to say I picked out a room already."

"Yeah, cool, that's good." Dean adjusted his shoulders and pointed toward the basement, "C'mon, let's check this thing out." All bravado to cover for his squealing but it got him onto the stairs heading down. Dean wasn't really sure what he was in for but it seemed better than the two laughing behind him.

The staircase ended at another heavy-duty door, this one with a window. Dean could see what looked like a massive warehouse, and when he opened it up nothing but science fiction movies came to mind. The door opened to a high landing over looking the extensive space, the sound of machines echoed and fluorescent lighting buzzed overhead.

"What the hell…?" he asked in a whisper as he slowly stepped down the next set of stairs. He could see in the center of the room what looked like a circular control panel of some kind. There were swirling vats of dark liquid on the west side of the room, monitors all along the east wall, and at the far back there was another set of doors. There were many other things that Dean could see but he had no idea what they were; all he could think was that this huge underground space continued on past those doors.

"Who even was this guy!?" Jet exclaimed animatedly, gesturing around without any idea of what else to do. "I was working for a fucking psycho."

"A scientist, maybe, but not necessarily a psycho." Sam pointed out though his tone was just as awestruck as the other two.

Dean walked to the centerpiece, there were so many buttons and display screens that he had no idea which one to press first; or whether or not he should even try to press any. "This place is so crazy," he muttered as he hovered his hand over the console. There were larger labels for different sections of the board, some were for cameras in what Dean assumed were the many areas of the facility. One section was labeled 'Feeding' and brought so many more questions.

Sam walked up beside him, saw the labels and immediately went to turn on the displays; Dean didn't say anything at first, at least not until the monitors on the wall switched on. "What the fuck?!" He blurted out as the screens lit up with the weirdest images. The lighting wasn't that great but something was moving on each one. As Sam continued to switch them on some appeared to have lights; Dean watched an animal in a cage scamper about and scratch at the walls. He couldn't tell what it was, though. It had ears like a rabbit but its body looked more like a dog's.

"Alright, I'm a bit weirded out now," Jet admitted as the wall filled up entirely with different caged areas, one of which was just an eye blinking at the camera and taking up its entirety.

"Where are they?" Sam whispered, horrified at the realization of how much animal cruelty was going on.

"Fuck," Jet's voice was shaky as he raised his hand to point something out, "Look at that! That's a fucking  _person!"_

Dean tried to follow his line of sight and realized that most of the animals were looking toward the cameras now, as if they sensed that someone had turned it back on. He finally found the one Jet was talking about and it stunned him. A human face was extremely close to the screen, too close to make much out other than the fact that they were trying to chew on the lens. It must have been just outside the person's reach, it almost looked like there was a glass wall between the person and the camera.

"I bet they're through there," Sam's words barely registered in Dean's head before his little brother was darting across the facility.

"Sam!" Dean shouted but it wasn't enough to stop him. "Goddamn it, c'mon Jet."

"Wait," Jet caught his arm, "Look, the other lights are turning on-"

"I'll be right back," Dean shook Jet off and ran after Sam, the door to the second area already open.


	3. Chapter 3

The lighting inside was dim as the fluorescents slowly warmed up to full strength, the first thing Dean saw was a pedestal next to the door and massive glass walls on either side. There were different buttons, one of which covered by another lock labeled 'Euthanize.' Another said 'open,' and the last read 'feed' and Dean knew that whatever was in the glass enclosure was an animal of some kind. He kept walking on the metal grating floor, his stomach starting to tighten. The path felt like a catwalk above a theatre stage, it made him feel nauseous. Dean placed his hand against the glass to his right as he passed, it was the closest thing he had to a railing.

In seconds something rushed to his hand, pressed against the wall was a flat-faced figure he couldn't place. It was hunched forward and almost resembled a gorilla in body though its skin was scaled like a lizard. It was startling, he didn't expect it and its face was so strange. It had a wide mouth, small nose, and docile, dark eyes that didn't help the creepiness of its presence. The glass was so thick the creature looked like it was two feet away from his hand, Dean couldn't hold back the sigh of relief that escaped him when he noticed that.

"Sammy!" he called and picked up his pace, Sam had like a 30 second head start, how far could he have gone? "It's really weird in here, let's go back!" There was no answer, Sam was either in danger or sound didn't carry too well in that place. Dean prayed for the latter.

The path split just ahead, three directions to go and Dean had no idea which one Sam would have chosen.

"SAM!" Still no answer. "Goddamn it," Dean growled and 'eeny meeny miny moe'd his way through it, going straight ahead.

There were many more pens encased in thick glass, each with its own environment. Some were left with the cold metal flooring and dim lights while others were given some dirt flooring. It kinda differed based on what sort of animal they resembled, or at least he figured that was why. They were the things he'd seen on the monitors, he passed the rabbit-dog thing and noticed just how rabid the thing was. Some were so quiet and others vicious. He didn't dare linger too long to stare at the things; Sam was in there somewhere. He'd noticed that he could hear the creatures pretty well; some of them pounded against the glass others just made loud, howling-like noises. Which all meant that Sam should've been able to hear him but didn't respond. It also meant he'd probably hear if Sam were in trouble, which just made him wonder where the fuck his brother ran off to.

The path went down further along and Dean regretted picking the way he had, but he couldn't turn back now. He continued down until the floor was made of cement and he could smell earthier than metallic scents. As he continued forward he noticed that the area was far more open than above, subconsciously Dean knew that Sam wouldn't have gone this way.

It was quieter down there, he couldn't hear any machines, no creatures were hitting thick glass, nothing but his own footsteps. Dean's nerves were starting to get the better of him, there were obvious science experiments around him and he knew by the cameras that at least one was human. His skin prickled and hair stood up on his neck, signs he knew he should take as 'get the fuck out of here' but his curiosity lied to him with the same line; Sam might be down here. The scarier it was the more he was certain of it, Sam had a nasty habit of getting into the worst situations.

Dean wasn't an idiot though; he knew that it was far too real a possibility to get lost in the labyrinth that he found himself in. Turning back at that moment meant going in one straight direction, but he noticed something further ahead.

There was a light, it was bright and lit up the entire hall around it. Dean walked closer to it, drawn like a moth. Into view came a dome, it took up an enormous amount of space – almost as much as the first room by the look of it. The most impressive part was how high up it went, the peak of it must have hit the same level as the ceiling in the other room too; despite the many stairs that they had descended initially.

The closer he came the more he could see how unique it was; the other enclosures didn't have anything to identify them other than the creature but this one had a label above the door.

"Castiel?" he read aloud and looked inside, it was such a strange space. There was a sort of den, or a burrow. It was carved into the earth; the rest of the floor was put in around it. The lighting above it was warm, incandescent; Dean wondered why there was a difference since everything else was washed in a cold white.

Nothing moved inside, but he could see something that made his stomach turn; a set of human legs. They were extended from inside the den, completely still and lifeless as far as Dean could tell. A human inside a glass cage, he couldn't imagine what this person had gone through. How long had it been since someone fed them? Were they dead?

Against better judgment and self-preservation he reached over to the pedestal with the same buttons as the other closed areas. He hesitated, fingers just above the 'open' labeled option. Nothing made a sound inside, he was pretty sure of it. There wasn't anything moving.

Dean clenched his jaw and pushed it, the sound of air rushed by and an unfamiliar scent hit his nose. The first thing that happened inside was the retraction of the legs, whoever was in there was definitely alive. Dean cleared his throat and slowly inched closer; stepping inside the dome he spoke softly, "Hello?"

Quick and heavy breathing was the initial response accompanied by a quiet grunt, Dean stalled where he was and waited. He wasn't sure he wanted to get much closer, but the person sounded scared so he figured not moving would be his best option. Similar groans left the den, Dean couldn't see the person inside but he knew they were there.

It was a few moments of the same rapid breathing and various panicked sounds before Dean tried to make himself look smaller, "It's okay, I'm here to get you out." He kept his tone as non-threatening as possible, still questioning whether or not he wanted this person to come closer.

Before he could make up his mind on the subject a young man's face peered out of the den's entrance. Dark, messy hair only made it clearer that the man hadn't seen sunlight in far too long. But that wasn't what caught Dean's attention, the way the light caught the captive's eyes made them glow an almost blinding blue. It was unnatural but beautiful; Dean couldn't help but wonder what made them do that.

"Hi," Dean smiled and gave a short wave, "you can come out, it's alright."

The stranger slowly leaned forward until he started to crawl out; each move was careful and hesitant but he never broke eye contact. Dean smiled and watched the young man come out into the light, though the more he saw the wider his eyes got. There was a massive deformity on the guy's back; it was white and kinda fuzzy

Dean's focus on the abnormality was cut short as the stranger's pace increased. It crawled quickly toward him, never getting up from the ground and scaring the shit out of him. Dean let out a sharp cry when unfamiliar hands grasped onto his legs and yanked him down. He hit the ground, flat on his back with the wind knocked out of him. Dean gasped but couldn't quite catch his breath before the bright-eyed male perched over him. The malformation on its back spread out and arched over the both of them; it was then that Dean realized it wasn't some strange fuzzy lump but feathered wings, beautiful and a bit dirty from living in a burrow.

His heart was racing as he stared up at the glowing blue, unreadable to him in his fear. The winged man's face was intense but neutral, if there was malicious intent it was well hidden. Dean didn't know what this guy was thinking, what he wanted or if he was even as human as he looked, but Dean knew he had to do something. His gut told him he wasn't safe, not yet. One wrong move and he'd probably lose his head to this experiment.

"Uh," Dean uttered a sound, it wasn't strong but it was enough to be heard. He took a slow breath to try and relax, a forced and anxious smile on his lips. "Hi there, what's your name?"

The stranger didn't answer with words; instead there was a soft whine from the back of his throat. His expression didn't change though, so Dean continued trying.

"Well I'm Dean," he made sure to speak gently, aggression from his position would result in the loss of his head, he was pretty sure of that. "It says something outside above the door, is that your name?" No reply and no movement prompted Dean to continue, "Castiel?"

The second the name slipped into the air between them the stranger lit up, his eyes widened and a small gasp escaped him. Dean smiled; it was possibly the cutest sound he'd heard.

"Castiel, huh?" he repeated and got another little grunt, "It's a nice name, can you talk?"

Castiel didn't respond, his wings folded onto his back again and he sat down on top of Dean. It was then that Dean realized the guy was naked, it made more sense that he didn't have clothes but it was still not something Dean anticipated happening to him that day. He tried to focus on Castiel's softened expression, noticing that the sharpness of that odd glow in Castiel's eyes had disappeared.

Dean reached up slowly to see if he could touch Castiel's face but the young man's eyes flashed bright again and moved away from his hand. Dean lowered it back down though not before Castiel could smack at it and knock it back to the ground. Dean decided to remain still for a little while longer; maybe Castiel would relax or get bored of sitting on him.

They sat that way for several minutes; Castiel staring at Dean intensely while Dean laid flat on the dirt floor silently praying he got out with his life intact. He started to question why he even walked inside the enclosure in the first place. It was a stupid move but he'd done it. Would he have opened a door to a teeth-gnashing monster like in the other cages? Probably not. So why this one? Because it had human legs inside, that's why. And, as an added bonus, Dean Winchester was also an optimistic moron.

He sighed and closed his eyes, figuring maybe Castiel functioned like some animals that were threatened by prolonged eye contact. It could've also meant the end of him since he just let a strange experiment out of his sight, but again, Dean was an optimist.

Forever passed by, the warmth of Castiel on his abdomen hadn't lifted, nor had the weight. Dean peeked an eye open and Castiel's wings perked up as he suddenly watched Dean more intently. Nothing from Castiel was angry or fearful, just curious little flutters of his feathers and a nearly inaudible hum from his vocal chords.

Dean smiled and closed his eye again. He felt Castiel shift a little and noticed a shadow over his face. Before he did anything to react he felt a hand on his face and a finger pushing very gently at his eyelid. Dean stifled a laugh but he still scoffed lightly, the sound of which startled his curious wingman.

Castiel squawked indignantly and very suddenly leapt away, his wings ruffled up and batting the air in irritation. Dean opened his eyes again to look but didn't sit up; he didn't want to scare Castiel too much.

As soon as he looked up, though, Castiel was already scampering back to him and crawled right back on top of him, one leg on either side of his torso. Dean groaned at the sudden returned weight, Castiel hadn't sat down gently and went right back to touching his face.

"Okay," Dean sighed with a laugh, giving in to his fate. As he waited for Castiel to tire of his face Dean heard the loud grumbling of a stomach. At first he thought it might be his own but the look on Castiel's face told him otherwise.

Castiel placed his hands over his belly as if he just remembered he was hungry, the whimpering sound he made was too much for Dean. The kinds of noises that came out of him were all sounds humans could make but most people never did. It was uncomfortable to hear them for someone who didn't normally get to.

"You want food Cas?" Dean tried to sit up, his movement not enough to frighten Castiel away this time. He remembered the button 'feed' outside; since MacLeod had died he probably hadn't had anyone hit that button. Everything inside the labyrinth was probably starving. "I've got an idea, c'mon." He wriggled his legs free from underneath his new friend and climbed up to his feet.

Castiel sat on the ground and watched him for a few seconds before getting up to his feet and following Dean's steps all the way to the door. Dean walked right out and over to the pedestal, he glanced back and saw Cas waiting by the exit, he hadn't stepped out and stared at Dean intensely. Cas' gaze went back and forth from Dean to the strange floor just beyond his feet.

"It's okay, you come over here." Dean gestured to try and wave Cas closer, but it didn't do much good. Castiel stared at the floor and paced around on the dirt he knew. Dean smiled and pressed the button; as soon as he had part of the floor in the back of the pen opened up.

Castiel ran to wait for it, perched close to the opening and waiting with an antsy shuffle left and right every few seconds. A platform lifted up but nothing was on it, Dean frowned as he watched Cas circle the area looking for his food. Whatever was supposed to be there hadn't been restocked, MacLeod must not have had time before he bit it.

Though Dean had several questions about the processes the weird facility had, he knew that feeding Cas was would have to take priority. "Cas, c'mere." He called but Castiel was fiercely searching for his dinner.

It took a few seconds before he started to get distressed about the lack of food and a high-pitched whine rose in volume. Cas looked up at Dean with tearful eyes as the platform slowly lowered away again, the floor closed up again as well. Dean felt like he'd just kicked a puppy.

Castiel hurried to the exit and stalled at the door again, pacing again like an animal unsure of linoleum or tiled flooring. Cas stepped over the threshold and pulled back with a squeak. This behaviour continued for a few moments until he crouched low and slowly inched closer to Dean and the pedestal, reaching out slowly.

"There you go," Dean reached down to take Cas' extended hand but Castiel avoided him and instead smacked at the buttons on the pedestal. He knew that food happened when those buttons were hit, though he hadn't read them and accidentally closed his cage. Cas tried to rush back in but was stopped by the reinforced door. He cried out loudly and clawed at it before he flew up and crawled over it. Dean watched in shocked silence as Cas stopped at the very top of the dome and pressed his face against it.

"Cas, it's okay." Dean called to him, trying to be reassuring to this strange human experiment, "Here, I've got a granola bar," he fished in his pocket for the somewhat crushed emergency snack. Dean waved it in the air to try and get Cas' attention, "Cas look, it's food!"

Castiel peered down at him as he unwrapped it, the smell drew him closer until he flew down and landed next to Dean. It was a heavy landing and a little startling but Dean only jumped a little. Cas leaned in close to the granola bar as he sniffed it, cautious of new food. He glanced at Dean then at the bar a few times in quick succession before he snatched it out of Dean's hand. He moved a few feet away and started stuffing it into his mouth.

Dean waited as Cas scarfed it down, a smile almost permanently on his face. He had no idea what the fuck was going on but he felt really good about helping. Cas finished the bar in very short time; he made a hasty return to Dean's side and moved right into his personal space, nuzzling his face roughly.

It was unexpected but Dean welcomed the gesture anyway, Castiel was so primal and affection required physical contact. Dean would've been lying if he'd said he fully saw Cas as a human, he wasn't sure if Castiel had the mind of a man anymore or if he was some kind of animal hybrid. And if Cas was a hybrid Dean wasn't sure what kinds of animals were in him, but at least he was friendly.

"Let's get you something more to eat," Dean took Cas' hand with no protest from his new friend, but as Dean started to lead Castiel to the stairs Cas pulled his hand away. Instead of running, though, he moved behind and held onto Dean's shoulders, using Dean as a mobile hiding place. "Alright, alright, have it your way."

"Dean!" He heard the distant yelling and breathed a sigh of relief; Sam was looking for him.

"Sammy!" Dean shouted back, "Keep yelling, I'm on my way!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to thank you guys for the support so far, it's been a such a strong motivator for me and I can't express properly how much it means. Thank you so much and I hope I don't disappoint you :)


	4. Chapter 4

"Dean, are you okay?" Sam rushed up to him from down the walkway, his footsteps a metallic echo in the facility. He clearly hadn't noticed Dean's tag-along yet.

"I'm alright," Dean smiled, waiting for Sam to get close until he could force the teen into a headlock. "Maybe next time don't run into the creepy laboratory all by yourself, huh?"

"Agh!" Sam croaked and struggled to break free, his hands pulling at Dean's arm in futility.

Castiel suddenly let out an anxious shriek, desperate and worried whines following as he swatted at Sam to try and get him away. Dean let go of Sam immediately before Cas could do any damage, and turned to try and hush his new friend, "It's okay, Cas." He smiled as Sam floundered away, nothing but confusion and shock coming from him. "It's alright, that's just Sam,"

Cas' wings flapped nervously and he watched Sam with shining eyes, they were almost like a flashlight on the dimly lit path. He snorted and shuffled behind Dean again, peering over his shoulder; Dean could tell every time Cas blinked just by the way the lighting around them flashed off and on again.

"What the hell?!" Sam finally managed a sentence; it was exactly what Dean figured it would be.

"This is Castiel, I found him down there." He motioned behind him.

Sam looked at Cas then back at Dean with a furrowed brow, "Were there any other humans down there?"

"Not that I saw, but I'm not sure that…" Dean trailed off and glanced back at Cas who looked at him too, the threatened glow fading again. Castiel's hand reached slowly and grabbed onto Dean's shirt, gripping onto it determinedly. Dean smiled sadly and turned back to Sam, "I'm not sure how much human is in him."

"He looks human," Sam stepped closer and in the same instant that blue glow flared up again, Castiel hissed in protest of Sam's proximity. The younger Winchester froze and looked at his brother warily, "Okay, not that human, got it."

"He communicates without words," Dean shrugged and glanced at Cas, also a little nervous about it. He didn't have any control over this wild experiment, Cas just happened to take a liking to him. It was probably the granola bar. "He's really hungry though, maybe give him some food?"

"I don't keep food in my pockets, Dean."

"Oh,"

Sam raised an eyebrow at him, "Do you?"

"I had a granola bar from earlier and gave it to him, he's liked me ever since." Dean started down the path again, "C'mon, let's find Jet."

"He's probably pissed."

"He's always pissed."

Sam slowly took up the rear and Castiel turned to keep an eye on him the entire walk back to the first room. "Do you have anything else to feed him? I'd prefer it if he didn't stare at me like a murderer."

"Who's the murderer? You or him?" Dean laughed as Sam scoffed in response.

"Either one in this case."

As they entered the more mechanical area with brighter lighting Castiel cooed and blinked repeatedly. He pressed his face to Dean's back to hide from the strange lights; he wasn't a big fan apparently.

"Yo!" Jet called to them from the control console; somehow Dean wasn't surprised his friend hadn't moved from there. "What the hell, Dean!? You could've been killed!"

"Watching the cameras?" Dean grinned, a feeling of embarrassment etching itself into his skin. It was fine if no one saw him waltz into an unknown space with a possible mutant, however knowing that Jet watched him do it made him feel foolish.

"Yeah I was, and I didn't learn anything new about you." Jet spat angrily, "You've always been a fuckin' moron."

"Watch the hostility," Sam tried to say softly as they walked closer to the stairs, "the caged person is still with him and doesn't like it when you're rough with Dean."

Jet snorted out a laugh, it was bitter at best, "You brought the possible killing machine with you, why am I not surprised."

"Because you watched it."

"Fuck off,"

As they made their way closer to Jet, Castiel gripped Dean's shoulders harder. He looked around rapidly, everything was new to him and he barely recognized anything if he did at all. Dean looked over his shoulder with a smile, "You okay, Cas?"

Castiel whined in response, his gaze still darting across the room wildly. He was so distracted by everything else that he hadn't realized how close he'd gotten to another strange person. He stopped when Dean did and kept close to him, but when Jet spoke it startled him.

"So what's your plan with him? Take care of him until he functions in society?"

Dean flinched when Cas' fingernails dug into his shoulders, "I don't know, what d'you want me to do? Just put him back in that cage and leave? He's starving!"

"No, I'm not saying-" Jet stopped and pinched the bridge of his nose, a heavy sigh escaping him, "Alright, whatever, do what you have to. But I swear to god, if he goes nuts and kills you in your sleep I will have no sympathy."

"You're heartless," Dean changed his tone, pouting in jest. "Just look at him, Cas wouldn't do that to me."

"I'm sure he wouldn't," Jet mused with a cocked eyebrow.

"Oh," Dean lit up, "you still got that granola bar I gave you?"

Jet's eyebrow slowly rose higher, "I do."

"Can you give it to Cas? He's really hungry."

Jet looked at Castiel who was staring intensely back. "Will he stop looking at me like that?"

"Yeah, just do it." Dean smiled, silently glad he might get Castiel to let go of his skin.

Jet reached into his pocket and just the sound of the same wrapper had Castiel perking up, his fingers loosened and he leaned in a little closer. As soon as he saw the same thing he grunted excitedly and tugged on Dean, trying to share his joy. He hurried forward and hesitated when he got too close to Jet, warily reaching out for the bar. Jet offered it freely, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. Cas inched closer and snatched his prize, in the same movement he turned and leapt back behind Dean and into his safe zone.

"He's cute," Jet admitted shamelessly, "kinda reminds me of a two-year-old."

"Jet," Sam had that warning tone on, "he's not a kid, he's a grown man. Don't infantilize him."

"Well he's either acting like a kid or a dog, take your pick."

Neither Dean or Sam acknowledged Jet's comment with a response, they shared a similarly pissed off expression. Before either could tell him he was an asshole, however, the sound of angry growling and crunching plastic filled the area. Dean turned to Cas who was viciously chewing on the plastic wrapping. He looked back at Dean and his expression fell from rage to despair in a flash. Cas took the thing out of his mouth and looked down at it sadly, like it was never coming out and he'd never eat again.

Dean stuck his hand out, "Here Cas, let me do it."

Castiel placed it in his palm and turned away, dejected by his snack. Dean kept the 'ew it's got spit on it' thought to himself as he tore the wrapper off from the assigned edges. "There," he barely managed to say the word before Cas was on him, staring in amazement at the freed granola. Cas looked up at Dean with wide eyes and a pleading groan deep in his throat.

"It's all yours man, take it." Dean offered it to him again and Cas took it immediately, no hesitation at all.

"So does that count as me giving it to him or you?" Jet asked, an amused smirk on his face as he watched Cas devour it.

"Does it matter?" Sam joined in, Dean could tell he was still a little upset that Cas didn't like him immediately. "Come on, let's get upstairs again. This place is giving me the creeps."

"Thought you wanted to rescue all the animals?" Dean was genuinely surprised but Sam gave him a look as if he'd been trying to poke fun.

Jet laughed and leaned back against a railing, "He didn't have the same luck you did, most of these things are monsters and I'd be willing to bet they're starving too."

"They were pretty intent on eating me." Sam folded his arms over his chest, "But at least we got him out."

"Cas here is the only human hybrid," Jet straightened up again and walked over to the camera controls, "Everything else is all animal and vicious as fuck or dead."

Dean didn't want to think about what that meant for Cas, that maybe he was actually more deadly than he let on. He watched the screens as Jet flipped through them; he saw a lot of large teeth as well as unmoving bodies.

"The cameras automatically siphon through any cages with something moving in them, there are a lot of cells in this place and we only saw a fraction of them when we walked in." Jet explained, undoubtedly learned from his choice to stay in the information booth. "Which means there are a lot of decaying things down here."

"Yeah," Sam walked past them, "that's why we should go upstairs now."

"Agreed." Dean was right on his heels with Cas in tow behind. It was a little difficult to drag Castiel through the remainder of the basement and up the stairs with him trying to stop and look at everything, but Dean managed to do it.

They stepped out into the fancy hallway and Cas instantly snapped back into place against Dean's back. He whined softly and nested his jaw into place in the curve of Dean's neck and shoulder, eyes wide and glancing about.

"It's safe, Cas." Dean reassured him as they strolled down the hall, he looked over at Sam and then back at Jet, "Did anyone find the kitchen?"

"Nope," both said simultaneously.

"Awesome."

Sam pointed toward the entrance, "We could go back to the front, the kitchen's usually in the center, right?"

"Dunno, I don't visit a lot of mansions." Jet answered sarcastically.

Dean huffed out a laugh, "We'll find it, but I have a feeling it's empty,"

"Good point, pizza it is." Jet whipped out his phone and dialled before the other two could agree or protest. "The usual?" He asked with a smug grin.

"Totally," Dean gave a thumb's up and his hand was grabbed by his cling-on in seconds. Castiel looked at it and checked to see if anything was in his palm. He found nothing and dropped Dean's hand with a displeased snort. "No Cas," Dean tried not to laugh at him, "it's just a hand gesture, I don't have food."

Cas gurgled back at him as if it were an understandable reply. He stepped away from Dean and started down the hall to where Sam had been pointing.

"I'm gonna say it," Jet said after getting off the phone with the pizza delivery folks and looked Dean right in the eye, "Give him some goddamn pants."

Sam laughed and followed Castiel's lead, "Why do I get the feeling he isn't going to take kindly to pants?"

When Cas reached the entrance he stopped and took it all in; high ceilings with warm lighting, huge windows that led outside, and just an unbelievable amount of stuff to look at. He slowly allowed his wings to unfold from his back, the understanding that nothing would hurt him finally sinking in. He turned back to smile at Dean, the only person he truly acknowledged in a positive way. Dean smiled back and Cas took that as his opportunity. He flew up to the very top of the landings; sitting on the fourth floor railing he inspected the new area.

Dean smiled as he walked into the middle of the entrance, he couldn't help but feel excited about the whole thing. Castiel was getting to know freedom in a way Dean had never done, he was seeing tiled flooring and sunlight for the first time since MacLeod had put him in that basement. Dean had no idea how that could feel, how amazing everything must have looked to Cas in that moment.

Jet walked up beside him, with arms crossed and a content expression he chuckled quietly, " _I_  have a feeling that the delivery guy isn't going to take kindly to a naked dude with wings."

Dean's eyes widened and he looked at Jet's calm demeanour, "We gotta get him to another room."

"Might be a good idea," Jet shrugged, Dean hated him a little for his nonchalance.

"Cas buddy why don't you come back down?" he called up but Castiel responded with an excited cry, flapped his wings and ran down the hall into a portion of the house Dean had not yet seen. "Goddamn it, Cas." He sighed and ran to the stairs, pausing half way up when he noticed Jet and Sam hadn't moved. "You guys gonna help or not?"

Sam and Jet shared a look, a quick and quiet conversation Dean couldn't make out transpired before Jet looked back at him, "I guess so, but Sam's gonna stay and wait for the pizzas."

"Fine! Just one of you dorks help me out," he demanded and began the hunt for his excitable wingman, praying silently that Cas stayed away from the door when the pizza arrived.


	5. Chapter 5

" _You know I don't care, right?" Dean finally snapped at Bobby who didn't seem at all surprised by the outburst. "I don't care if I go to a nice college or whatever, I can work as a mechanic in a shop around here!"_

" _Well that's too bad," though he had seen it coming Bobby had no intentions of just taking Dean's yelling sitting down. "I care if you go to a nice college, I give a damn if you become something more than a mechanic in a tiny town so you're going to a decent school if you like it or not, boy!"_

" _And who's gonna pay for it?" Dean retaliated with whatever would come to mind, he didn't like arguing with Bobby but it was all he could do to try and stay._

" _I'll pay your rent and food, you'll get a loan for classes."_

_Dean knew not a lot of people got that kind of help and he should have been thankful, he knew that a good education was worth pushing for but he couldn't pull himself away from family. He floundered, looking for any excuse but came up with nothing. "I don't want to go," he resorted to just himself, how he was feeling and the admittedly juvenile way of handling a situation. "I don't want to leave you after everything you've done for me, I don't want to be away from Sammy." He felt tears stinging at his eyes but tried to hide them with anger in his voice._

_Bobby didn't fall for it though. He approached Dean with that same knowing smile he always seemed to get whenever it was needed. He pulled Dean into a hug and squeezed tight, it brought the tears out and left Dean with nothing but the ability to drop his face against his dad's shoulder._

* * *

 

"Sometimes I think he understands me and pretends not to just because he can get away with it," Dean grumbled.

Jet laughed, tailing Dean's lead with little determination if any, "That's exactly what I'd do if I could get away with it; wouldn't you mess with someone?"

"Maybe,"

"Let me rephrase; if someone like you or like me wasn't sure if you could understand them, wouldn't you fuck with 'em?"

Dean smirked and nodded, "It'd be a little hard not to, I mean you're such a dick and I'm no knight in shining armour."

"Exactly, if he understands you he's definitely messing with ya."

Jet wasn't wrong, but Dean couldn't ignore the very real fact that Castiel couldn't speak properly either. It was possible that it was some kind of experiment that left him mute, only able to communicate through noises like an animal but he could still comprehend humans and their language. But at the same time he didn't seem to know anything outside his dome, he'd stared at Dean like an anomaly, reacted as if Sam was a threat and didn't understand that their horseplay, and didn't know food came from anything other than the hatch in his floor.

Dean wanted to unravel the mystery that Castiel was, but taking care of him seemed to be a more pressing requirement. The first part of that was feeding him, and of course Cas would rather play hide and seek.

Dean wandered around the fourth floor aimlessly; he was still amazed at how big the damn place was but knew it wasn't big enough that Cas could stay  _that_  fucking hidden. Dean's amazement had gone from a version of wonderment to annoyance real fast, at first he was astounded at how well Cas could blend in. For such a chatty little guy he'd managed to stay so quiet, part of Dean thought maybe standing still and waiting to hear Cas' stomach growl was the best option.

After about ten minutes of circling Dean's patience was running thin; Jet's casual amusement wasn't much help, either.

"I'll go around to the other side," Jet said just before Dean snapped at him for being useless. "Maybe we can corner him."

"Thanks, good idea." Dean took a deep breath as Jet vanished down the hall, he didn't want his anger to seep through into his voice. If Castiel felt even remotely threatened Dean had no idea how he'd act or what he'd do. "Cas, buddy, the food will be here soon. Weren't you hungry?" he seriously wished he had another granola bar on him.

A sharp yelp caught his attention and Dean looked up the hall to see Castiel staring at him, the winged male had a big smile on his face and he dashed off again as soon as he saw Dean looking. "Wait! Goddamn it, Cas!" Dean ran to the end of the corridor and watched as feathery wings disappeared into a room. He grinned and hurried over to the door, the sound of a bed creaking greeted him as he peered inside.

Cas had dropped onto the mattress and was promptly started by the way it felt. He fluttered off the furniture immediately with a growl rumbling in his throat, he smacked the surface of the bed in retaliation to its strangeness. It was a dull 'thwap' kind of noise and made Cas pause. He hummed to himself and slowly leaned over, staring at the disturbed blankets before he tapped the bed again.

Dean leaned against the doorframe, unable to stop the smile Cas' curiosity brought to his face. "It's safe, go ahead." He didn't know if Cas could understand him or not but every now and then Castiel responded as if he had; it was enough to keep Dean talking to him as if he were a normal guy.

Cas looked up at Dean then back at the bed, a soft 'hmph' escaped him as he pressed his hand into the mattress. He quickly lifted it off and watched as his imprint faded, nothing but joy slipped over his expression. Castiel looked at Dean again, his eyes bright and his mouth in an open smile. Dean felt like he might pull a muscle if he smiled back any harder, he put his hand over his mouth and slid it down to his jaw as an attempt to help it relax.

The next moments Dean wished he had recorded. Castiel leapt back onto the bed, cooing softly as he rolled around on the sheets and rubbed his face against them. For someone who only remembered the feeling of dirt, stone, and glass, the softness of a bed was probably insanely amazing. Cas upgraded to purring as he wound up entirely wrapped in the comforter, Dean saw feathers sticking out every which way, as well as Cas' legs squirming about.

He took out his phone and started filming, it was something he'd never be able to explain properly and something he might want to watch a few more times.

Cas pulled his legs in, now a ball of cloth with wings that shuddered in his pleasure with himself. His pride was obvious in the way he chatted within the confines of his new home, Dean wasn't sure how comfortable Cas' wings could really be but it was enough to keep him occupied.

A text came in after a few minutes of watching balled-up-Castiel do almost nothing but make noise. It was just one little phrase and had Dean excited to head back downstairs; pizza's here. "Hey Cas," he walked over to the bed and reached for the blanket, unsure of where to start but figured anywhere would be fine, "food's here, I know you're gonna love it."

Castiel peeked at him after he moved the covers, a very gentle glow came from his eyes and Dean recognized it as Castiel's safety. He was comfortable and felt safe, something that Dean never expected to see in the first hour or two of knowing him. Cas popped his head out and chirped at Dean, it sounded enthusiastic until Cas realized he couldn't quite get out of the blankets as easily as he'd gotten in. He growled and snarled at the comforter the more it got caught around him, that joy swiftly grew into panic and his eyes were almost nothing but light.

It was a moment of panic for both of them, Cas was such a strange concoction of human experimentation and there was no way of telling how dangerous he might be if he got too upset. "Shhh, shhh," Dean instinctively cupped Castiel's cheek and pet him soothingly, something he would try to do with a struggling pet and he knew it. That single thought made him feel like an awful person but he focused, instead, on calming Cas down. "It's okay, it's just a little stuck, I've got you." He whispered as he slowly convinced Castiel to stop wriggling and started unwrapping the blanket.

Cas watched Dean's face and held very still as he was freed by the same man another time that day. Cas' wings fluttered in their freedom and curled in against his back as he sat upright, never taking his eyes off Dean. He made a short whining sound, it was directed at Dean but the college student had no idea what Cas might've meant by it. He guessed it was some kind of 'thank you' or something by the way Cas was looking at him.

Castiel inched closer in small bursts until he was in Dean's personal space bubble again. "Uh, hi?" Dean leaned back slowly the closer Cas got but it wasn't enough unless he'd give in to falling over. Cas rubbed his cheek against Dean's affectionately, that subtle purr resonating from his throat again.

Dean laughed a little and couldn't resist pushing his cheek back against Cas', "You're welcome, now come on, let's go eat."

Castiel followed his lead like a lost puppy, more than excited to be wandering around new places. Dean couldn't wait to give him pizza, he had no idea what Cas was used to eating but he was certain it would be priceless. They descended the stairs to the first floor and walked through the main hall, Dean didn't know exactly where the food was but he was pretty sure it'd be that way.

"Yo! Where you guys at?"

"Follow my voice!" Jet called back dramatically and went right into reciting famous movie quotes until Dean walked into the room.

"Okay, okay! We get it," Dean moved to cover Jet's mouth but his friend dodged his attempt.

"Quite frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."

Dean rolled his eyes, "You done?"

Jet grinned back at him, "Yeah," he trotted over to the fancy-ass table in the fancy-ass dining room and handed Dean his pizza box. It just seemed so right to do it that way, Dean couldn't help but appreciate the clashing lifestyles.

"Alright," Dean turned and looked at Cas who was already trying to sniff at his box, obviously the smell of food was strong regardless of what form it had taken. "This is pizza," he said in a dramatic reveal, opening the box with a flourish that Sam choked on his meal over. The rest of Dean's presentation was interrupted and promptly ruined as Castiel tried grabbing the pizza from every wrong angle. He managed to scoop up a piece and a half and started stuffing it into his mouth, kinda exactly like he had with the granola bars. It was a bit of a disappointment to Dean, not seeing much of a difference in Cas' reactions. Maybe that was because Cas was starving and anything that seemed edible was good enough for him.

Castiel licked his fingers clean and scooted right back to Dean's side, peering inside the box for more. Dean sighed and turned to Jet, "You ordered more than one pizza each, right?"

"Of course, what do you take me for?" Jet smirked and pat the small pile of boxes proudly, as if it were some impressive feat that he ordered that many.

"A lunatic, but thanks man." Dean offered the already partially gutted box to Castiel who looked a little surprised to receive the whole thing. He took it and pulled a handful of pizza from the middle, he lifted it to Dean with a shallow nod. While Dean thought it was sweet that Cas wanted to share, he wasn't too keen on taking the cheesy pile as it was.

But, just like when a child offers a fake phone and you answer it, Dean played along. "Thanks, Cas." He put his hand out to receive the gift, keeping his cringing to himself as it dripped down from his fingers.

Sam put his pizza down and watched his brother interact with such a different person than any of them had ever encountered. Castiel wasn't the only oddity in the building; a basement full of experiments and corpses was just below their feet. It spread across the entire estate and answered any questions about why MacLeod had needed so much land.

He was quiet while the others dug into their dinner until finally speaking up, "What do we do about the basement?"

Dean and Jet both paused, Castiel continued as if not hearing. "Well," Jet leaned back on the fancy dining room chair and propped his feet up on the table, "if we tell the police about it there'll be an investigation and I have no idea what they'd do about Cas. Since we're here now there'd be some questioning but I bet we'd get away just fine, probably lose the estate."

Sam chewed lightly on the inside of his cheek, "Do you think someone else knew about this place? Someone had to be setting up the food and cleaning the mansion, right?"

"Maybe, yeah," Dean shrugged, "But what does it matter now? I mean, I think we should look to see if there's anything else like Cas down there but the rest look like fuckin' monsters."

"I think I can figure out the computer down there," Jet looked over at Sam with an eyebrow wiggle, "With your help, of course."

"By that do you mean that  _I_  will figure out the computer and you'll take credit for it?" Sam glowered and Jet nodded.

"Exactly. I get the feeling an explanation about our little pet here is on that thing."

Dean bristled at the comment but wasn't sure if he was allowed to; Castiel wasn't a pet but Dean had treated him as if he were. Petting his head, using a tone of voice that most use with a beloved animal, Dean even felt like whistling and saying 'c'mere boy' when hunting for him. "Maybe…" he trailed off, second-guessing himself. If he didn't have enough conviction or strength behind his demands to treat Castiel as a person he felt that Jet wouldn't take it seriously.

"What's up?" Jet raised an eyebrow at him.

"Don't call him a pet, okay? Cas used to be a person like us, just because we don't know what happened to change him doesn't mean he wasn't."

The other two were quiet at first, Jet sat upright and put his feet back on the floor and leaned his elbow on the table as he looked at Dean more seriously. "Well that answers my question."

"What?" Dean couldn't turn off the defensive tone of his voice.

Jet grinned in a way that made Dean feel a little unnerved, like he knew something that Dean didn't. "I was just wondering how much you already had invested in him, which leads to my decision that we shouldn't tell any authorities."

"Dean's right about one thing," Sam looked over at Castiel who was busily trying to eat the pizza flavoured box, "Cas used to be just like us, which means he probably has family somewhere. I'll take a look at the computer when I can, though I'll have more time when school's done."

"Sounds good, take your time." Dean agreed and moved to take the box from Cas before he actually got away with eating cardboard. It was a little too late but at least Cas didn't managed to eat the  _whole_  thing. Dean opened another box, took a few slices and handed them over to appease Castiel's appetite. "I think he loves pizza."

Jet scoffed, "Everyone loves pizza."


	6. Chapter 6

"So we should probably make a list of stuff that needs to get done," Sam sat down across from Dean in the most amazing living room space Dean had ever seen in his life. "I still have school tomorrow so I'll need a way to get there and back. Also, all of our stuff is back at the house so we should move that. Figure out what we want or need, maybe donate the rest of it? Dean and I will need keys made from the main set, we'll have to change our addresses which means we need stamps and to go get our driver's licenses updated and-"

"Wait, so we've decided that this is where we'll live primarily?" Dean had no qualms about interrupting his brother. In truth, he really admired Sam's lack of hesitation in stating outright that he and Dean were entitled to the same things Jet was, like the master keys. For Dean it was always a hope that Jet wouldn't just say 'I earned it, you don't get squat,' but maybe that was just his pessimistic side.

"I don't know about you," Sam didn't skip a beat about being cut off, "but I don't think Cas would do so well living in town right now."

Dean smiled awkwardly and nodded his silent agreement. Jet leaned over the back of Sam's couch and the teen's shoulder at the same time, "I was thinking we could keep a place in town,"

"The old man's town house?" Dean asked, nearly stuttering when Castiel pounced on to his couch and snuggled up close.

"Ew, no." Jet made a face at him, "No, I was thinking we could sell that one and the one we currently rent. Maybe pick out a nice one? Maybe a condo or something?"

"Ooh, we could buy a couple condos and then rent out to people," Sam lit up, "like maybe something close to the college; we could help some students out."

"Before we help strangers I vote we pay Bobby back,"

"Obviously," Sam and Jet looked at Dean with very similar smirks; Dean wondered which one of them had taught it to the other unknowingly.

Castiel kept changing positions on the couch as they talked, all discomfort aimed at Dean until he lifted his arm so Cas could squirm under it with wings strangely folded. Dean figured it probably didn't hurt since Cas didn't fuss about it. It was surprising to him how quickly he was getting used to Castiel being around, it was late and he'd only known Cas for just under 12 hours but he was a fan. Castiel was too cute to be real sometimes, the way he showed affection and looked at Dean like there was nothing else in the room. No one had ever done that before.

Dean put his arm over Cas' shoulders and held him close, smiling to himself as a soft purring rumbled from the peaceful boy in his lap. He felt so much better knowing that Cas wasn't starving anymore, it kinda sucked that Cas ate every last piece of pizza that was left over but that was a small price to pay for so much love. Dean couldn't shake his buddy off his back the rest of the evening; they'd done some more exploring but mostly wanted to hang out. Cas followed him everywhere and was more curious about everything they came across and had to touch majority of the things. Dean settled on the couch when they were done looking around, but of course Cas was too restless and had to scour the room until he'd memorized it. Dean didn't mind, it gave him some time to himself.

He couldn't rightly say he didn't like Castiel's attention; it was all new to him. Dean didn't know what to expect from Cas, though. He hadn't had time to think over what the future would look like or anything relating to his humanly challenged friend. There were a lot of questions he should have been asking about Castiel, like whether or not feeding him pizza was even a good idea, let alone as much as he'd eaten. He had questions about how to teach Cas things, who would do it or if Cas would even learn. He wanted to know more, he knew Sam would figure something out with the computers in the basement but Dean didn't want to wait that long.

Cas' wing twitched a few times until it loosened and draped over his body like a blanket, a limp limb that fell lifeless as he dozed off. Dean kept his unbridled joy to himself; it was like when a kitten or a puppy fell asleep on you for the first time. He looked at Sam and Jet while pointing excitedly down, "He's sleeping," Dean whispered as Cas' purring vibrated against his leg.

Their discussions about what to do with their new found fortune had quieted down and went in a few ridiculous directions, but a few things were certain; they were going to give back to Bobby, they would still go to college, and Dean was keeping Castiel around.

Dean found himself nodding off after the day's excitement, his hand permanently rested on Castiel's shoulder to make sure he was there while Dean's head periodically dropped and scared him awake. Jet's eyes were closed and Dean was pretty sure he could hear the soft snoring, but Sam was still going strong. He was making lists of things he wanted to do and had to do, Dean had no idea what was all on them but was sure he'd find out eventually.

"We should go to bed," he said through a yawn, "I gotta drop Sam off at school in the morning."

Jet opened his eyes slowly and looked over at the two Winchesters drowsily, "Can I sleep in?"

"Someone's gotta watch Cas," Sam shook his head and folded up his lists, "Does this guy have any cars I could just take? I'd drive myself that way you don't have to worry about it and you can both sleep in."

Dean knew Sam's plan was for his own good, waiting for Dean to get out of bed might make him late for class and in Sam's world that was unforgivable. "I'm pretty sure MacLeod had a few, I'll go check to see if any of 'em work." He was about to get up when he realized his dilemma, Castiel was passed the fuck out. He'd even gotten to the dreaming stage where his legs and wings would move; sometimes he even made noises as if talking in his sleep. "I can't move…" Dean said in defeat.

Jet rolled his eyes and stood up, "I'll go look, I'm shit with cars but if it runs it's good enough."

"No, no, no, no," Dean argued quickly, pointing an accusing finger at Jet, "I'd sooner let Sam drive the Impala than let you pick a car for him to take to school."

"Then give me the keys," Sam raised an eyebrow and left Dean at a loss for words, stuttering through the 'but I' and 'I just' fragment compilations until he dropped his head, defeated again in ten seconds.

"Fine," he grumbled and very carefully slipped his hand into his pocket, thankfully it was the one that Castiel wasn't sleeping on. He tossed the set to Sam, "But I swear, if you do anything-"

"I know the rules, Dean." Sam sounded like he was ready to count them off in order to shut Dean up, but it wasn't necessary. At least that time around.

"Good," Dean hadn't kept tabs on his tone enough and felt the disruption in Cas' sleeping. His mute nudist stirred, fluttered a wing and nuzzled back into comfort. Still asleep.

"Well I guess we'll leave you on the couch then?" Sam smirked and started for the stairs, "Have a good night guys, see you tomorrow."

"G'night Sam,"

"Later Sammy,"

Dean and Jet sat in silence for a few minutes, Dean had expected his friend to leave but apparently there was more on his mind. "What's up?" he finally asked, keeping his volume low.

Jet bit lightly on the inside of his cheek, Dean could see how his jaw moved he hadn't noticed he was doing it. That was the sort of thing Jet used to do, when Dean first met him and several years after, he was unconsciously self-harmful. If something bothered him deeply he had a nasty habit of biting himself or not paying attention during actions that could get him hurt. He'd do it in his sleep, which was how Dean first figured it out – scariest sleep over of his life.

"You're chewing on your cheek," Dean pointed out and watched Jet's jaw loosen and cheek move as if his tongue had gone to inspect. "What's bugging you?"

Jet laughed quietly and shrugged as he dropped back against the couch, "I guess this whole thing is bugging me. Mostly though it's MacLeod, he was a psychopath and I had no idea."

"You can't anticipate everything, man." Dean tried to reassure him though it wasn't working too well. Dean took a deep breath and exhaled to ready himself before he spoke again, "Listen, I know you pride yourself as being a 'survivor' and shit, but this kinda stuff is hard to notice."

"Dean," Jet's tone was one of warning, his eyes steady and lying for him. "I could have ended up like Cas. I was probably his next experiment, nothing actually happened that I know of but still, it's pretty messed up."

"But like you said, nothing actually happened."

Jet sighed and ran a hand through his mop of hair, fingers scrunching up half way through as he tugged lightly on it. "I'm frustrated, I guess. If I hadn't seen the lab I would've assumed that this whole thing was a sick plan of his or something. Like maybe he just needed to find a way to lure me here, you guys being here was probably a surprise so that's why he hasn't done anything."

Dean smiled comfortingly, "You're being paranoid, the guy's dead."

"We didn't see a body, what if he's not?"

"He is, don't worry about it." Dean ran his hand over Castiel's wing gently, "Besides, if he tried anything he couldn't really do much. Sam and I live with you, Cas is here, we'd come and get you out so don't worry."

Jet stared at him for a few seconds before his mouth cracked a small smile, "Yeah, you're probably right…"

Dean didn't want to mention any past situations that brought out Jet's paranoia but he was tempted to. He'd lived through some shitty situations, even before Dean became his friend. All three of them had gone through some hell or another as kids, maybe that was why they felt so inseparable as adults. Regardless, Dean knew that if Jet was right in one way or another, he and Sam would do anything to get Jet to safety. And Jet would do the same for either of them, that's just how they worked as their own little family. Dean wasn't scared of the luck that befell them, as far as he was concerned they were due for a win.

"Thanks," Jet's expression was sincere, a rare occasion that Dean cherished each time he saw it. The three of them each had a little wall that they hid behind in their personality, Sam was a smartass, Jet was a jackass, and Dean was a combination of the two. That wall only came down for special situations and special people, Dean had noticed that Sam was more willing to be open than either Jet or himself. In fact, even Jet had more tendencies to expose himself than Dean ever did.

"Anytime,"

Jet smiled and pulled himself upright, "I can sleep a little easier now… do you know which room you wanted? Or which one Sam picked?"

Dean could hear the crack in Jet's voice, it was small and subtle but it begged to be close. "Sam's on the second floor, figured I'd pick one nearby so I can keep an eye on 'im." He knew he'd created a perfect moment for Jet to decide to be on the same floor since Dean already was going to be close to Sam, but that didn't mean Jet would take it. He had to force the situation a little more, clinch it. "You think you could pick one around him too? I'd feel better if we were all together in such a big place."

Jet's gratitude was silent but readable all over his face. "Absolutely," he glanced down at Cas and gestured toward him, "need help with feathers?"

"Maybe," he looked down at Castiel and wondered briefly when the last time was that Cas felt like this. Maybe it was when he was still fully human and remembered how it was to be one.

Dean scratched lightly at Cas' wings, hoping it'd wake him. Castiel shifted but that was the only real reaction. "C'mon Cas, wake up," he still spoke softly but pushed his fingers into the feathers of Cas' wings and scratched deeper.

Castiel made a sound akin to a growl mixed with excitement as he squirmed, his wing flexed and fluttered in an attempt to escape Dean's hand. The small movements didn't do him any good and Cas ended up floundering around on the couch whilst squealing. He sat up and pulled away from Dean, the college student barely attempting to hold back his laughter. Cas snorted contemptuously and swatted Dean with the wrist of his wing, knocking him off the couch.

Jet covered his mouth to stop himself from laughing but it wasn't enough. "Damn," he snickered as Dean groaned.

"That's a strong swing," Dean sat up and looked at Castiel who was preening his messed up wing, "sorry buddy, I was just trying to wake you up."

Cas huffed in response and continued to smooth out his feathers.

"Let's go find our rooms," Jet reached down to help Dean up again.

"Yeah, we got a lot of shit to do tomorrow," Dean took the offer gratefully. He turned to Cas and motioned to the stairs, "Come on Cas, let's find you a room."

Dean and Jet headed for the stairs, Dean kept an eye behind at Castiel who peered over the couch. It was only a few more steps before Cas hopped over and followed Dean up the stairs. It took a few tries to figure out which room was Sam's, but once they knew Jet and Dean chose theirs strategically.

"Good night, man." Jet said from his doorway, watching Dean usher Cas inside the one he'd picked for the winged male.

"'Night," Dean gave a short wave as his friend shut his door. "C'mon Cas," he said for the millionth time that day, trying to be quiet as he pushed Castiel inside. "You can sleep here, okay? It's nice and soft and you'll sleep like a baby."

Cas stood in the room and glanced from Dean to the bed. He somehow managed to put two and two together and hurried to the mattress, sitting on it and smiling.

"Awesome, good night Cas." Dean sighed in relief and closed the door. He started toward his own room but stopped when he heard a sharp whining sound. Castiel's high pitched whimpering went down in a wave and escalated back up to piercing. "Cas it's fine, just go to sleep," Dean called quietly through the door. There was a loud thud against it a second after he spoke, like Cas had run against it. "Go to sleep, I'll be back in the morning." Dean tried to say again but Cas' response was a deafening shriek that only stopped when he opened the door.

"Dude," Jet was stifling laughter again.

"He won't shut up," Dean hissed.

"Just take him to your room, Dean." Sam sounded tired, or just fed up with his brother's thick skull.

Dean rolled his eyes and looked at Cas who had promptly stepped outside the room again, kneeling on the floor behind him. "Okay, you can come with me." He reached down and took Cas' hand, leading him. It took more effort to get Cas inside the next room after what happened with the first one. Dean pulled on his arm but Castiel refused, his feet planted and his wings flared out be too big to fit inside. "Oh my god," Dean groaned and let go, "Fine, come in on your own." He walked over to the bed and dropped onto it, he watched Cas from there.

Castiel waited in the doorway for a little bit, kneeling with his wings stretched out defiantly for several minutes. Slowly he relaxed, shuffling into the room making soft sounds that reminded Dean of a ferret. He peered up over the edge of the bed, his face next to Dean's. It the dark room Dean felt the intensity of Castiel's glow, the soft blue light flickering in his eyes illuminated both their faces. They both remained motionless for a few seconds; Cas leaned close and sniffed lightly at Dean's face. Before he could process the little sniffs Dean was surprised when Cas licked his mouth. It was quick, warm, wet, and made Dean recoil in shock.

Cas cooed and climbed onto the bed, snuggling up close and wrapping his wings around himself. Dean blinked rapidly, his brain unable to focus on what just happened. To help himself get over it he clocked it as 'just a Cas thing' and tried to get comfortable. It was going to be a very weird night.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna give a big thank you to you guys, I really appreciate your support with this story <3

Dean opened his eyes to a bright light shining above his head like a hospital room. His stomach was in knots and nausea controlled his systems. He blinked but the lights didn't get any better, he tried to shield himself from the punishing glare but his arm wouldn't move. Dean wanted to turn his head and look but he couldn't do that either, he was completely stiff. Something was on his forehead that strapped him down, a similar belt held his wrists and ankles and the more he moved the more he realized how stuck he was. It was tight; he could feel it digging into his skin with each movement.

His breath caught in his throat and his lungs felt like they were being squeezed. He let out a frightened grunt as he strained against his shackles, it sounded odd to his hearing but he was too anxious to really pay attention. He could hear his heart racing, each beat pounded in his ears harder than the last.

"Shh, don't struggle so much my sweet little bird." Dean knew that voice but he couldn't place it. At least, not until he saw the familiar wrinkled face of Fergus MacLeod as the old man leaned over him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?!" He screamed but knew immediately that it wasn't his voice; he didn't recognize the voice that exited his mouth. Who the hell was that?

"I said be quiet," MacLeod's tone was sinister as he disappeared from view again. Dean struggled harder, a frustrated and terrified whine forcing its way up his throat. He knew that sound, at least a version of it. "Just be still Castiel, this will only take a little while and it'll hurt a lot less if you don't move."

"You're psychotic," Dean hadn't intended to speak but his mouth moved anyway, Castiel's voice was venomous and desperate. Fear rolled through Dean's mind like thunder, thoughts of how to get free and how to get back home swarmed like a cloud. Dean caught glimpses of faces he didn't know and heard names he couldn't quite make out, people that Cas had known.

His heart sank as and he wanted to throw up. MacLeod was near to him, he could hear every little sound that was made and by both him and his instruments. It was unnerving that he couldn't move, it was even worse that he couldn't see what the bastard was doing. Dean heard his breathing increasing, felt his chest heaving and noticed another strap pressed down across his abdomen.

Then he heard the sound of a little saw turn on and off. Dean ground his teeth together and pulled against the restraints, he could feel the tension in his muscles, in Castiel's muscles. He screamed in frustrated desperation, thrashing as best he could. Dean knew he wasn't in control, he knew that whatever was happening it was Castiel's experience but it was so real. Tears burned his eyes and he screamed again, this time he felt the tear in his limbs as Castiel pushed harder past his limits. Ligaments had torn and his muscle was long past strained but Cas didn't stop. He thrashed around more violently, still refusing to hold still and pissing off MacLeod, if that old man's angry grunts were anything to go by.

A hand was firmly pressed against his forehead and a needle sunk deep into his neck. Dean's heart skipped a beat; he could feel Castiel's strength draining fast, his own strength. Hope was slipping fast and the world was quickly falling dark again. Dean struggled to stay awake, he cried out but no sound came, Castiel was silent. Dean couldn't stop his eyelids from closing; he heard the saw again as all sound faded. It was distant but still somehow getting closer. And then he couldn't feel anything.

Dean couldn't move, shock had consumed him and made him feel sick. He tried to lift his arms but they wouldn't budge, so he decided to focus on something smaller. His eyes wouldn't open, his tongue wouldn't move, he wasn't even sure he could flare his nostrils. Dean's mouth felt dry and he really wanted to scream, but sound wouldn't come either.

' _Was that really Castiel?'_  He thought uneasily,  _'Is this a dream!? Am I having a lucid dream!?'_  If that was true then control shouldn't be a problem. Dean focused more intensely, attempting to move or make a noise, anything.

Breaking through the barrier that held him down and silent Dean screamed and flailed, he felt his swings hit something but he didn't stop. His eyes were still shut, it was still dark but he was determined to get off the damn operating table.

And then he was stuck again, a heavy weight on his chest and a tight grasp on his wrists. Dean jerked his head around until he could loosen the muscle around his eyes and open them again. A sharp blue glowed above him, eyes belonging to a pissed off Castiel who bared his teeth in a snarl at Dean.

"Cas?" Dean wheezed as reality started to come back to him, his heart still beat rapidly and his breathing was labored.

Castiel barked a sharp, vicious reply that rang in Dean's ears. His wings were arched up defensively and his hands were in a crushing position over Dean's wrists, but Dean could hardly feel it anymore. Tears slipped from his eyes and past his ears, he could feel tightness in his chest that rose up into his throat.

A sob escaped him before he could speak, "I'm so sorry, Cas." He whispered and Castiel's expression softened, the bright, threatening light of his eyes fading. When Cas let go of Dean's arm he lifted his hand to the confused experiment's cheek. Cas flinched away at first but Dean placed his hand against hesitant skin. Dean couldn't find any more words than the ones he had already used, and so he said it more than once. Relief had found him when he woke, he could escape the nightmare but it was real for Castiel.

Dean couldn't forget the sound of Cas' voice, speaking real words and thinking of things that he could almost see. There were people in Cas' life that Cas couldn't remember, family that loved him and probably thought him dead. Dean didn't want to think about it anymore. He wanted to stop hearing Castiel's old words, scared and desperate. He wanted to hear new ones, to hear Cas say his own name, or even hear him say 'Dean.'

As he collected himself Cas had calmed down and slowly lowered to rest on him, wings folded again and eyes shut peacefully. Dean exhaled easier as his mind settled, his heart was still beating quickly but nothing compared to before.

It was a few minutes of silence before he heard a knock on the door; it opened before he could say anything and Sam's voice reached him, "Dean?"

"What's up, Sammy?" Dean lifted his head and froze up a little. Sam's eyes were reddened and puffy, he fidgeted and walked closer without saying anything for a few moments.

"Castiel…" his voice was shaky and he couldn't find the words. "I had a dream about him, like I… like I  _was_  him."

Dean's eyes widened and he tried to sit up, "Are you serious?" Castiel grunted when Dean moved and pushed him down again.

"Yeah, it was so real… sorry, I just needed to talk about it." Sam rubbed his eyes again as his voice started to crack. He cleared his throat and exhaled heavily, trying to steady himself; Dean gave him a moment before replying.

"Were you strapped to a table?"

Sam looked up, a little surprised. "Yeah, actually." He stuttered a bit and looked down at Cas, a pained, thoughtful look on his face. "MacLeod was there, I – Cas was restrained and couldn't get out."

Dean bit lightly at the inside of his cheek and glanced down at Cas too, he could feel the subtle vibration of a purr and knew that Cas was either super comfortable or already sleeping. "Did he pull at restraints until he tore ligaments?"

Sam cringed in response, his arms crossed over his chest as a defensive move, "How do you know that?"

"I had the dream too." Dean admitted and watched Sam's questioning gaze fall on him. "I couldn't move and I heard Cas' voice, his thoughts. He wouldn't stop trying to get away and got a needle in his neck. I woke up after that."

"Did you hear the saw?" Sam asked quietly and Dean had to nod, even though he didn't want to. He placed his hand over Cas' wing and slowly slid down the soft feathers, petting gently to comfort himself as much as Castiel. Sam was silent for a bit too, watching Dean's hand until he cautiously joined. A timid smile found his lips; he hadn't touched Cas yet, not so sweetly anyway.

"He's soft, isn't he?" Dean smiled too, Sam nodded.

They stayed like that for a while; neither Winchester counted the twilight the minutes but they felt comfortable in the silence. Seeing that Castiel was alive helped, but it was still painful to think about.

"I think I'll start looking into his history," Sam decided aloud, "When we were swamped with his thoughts I could've sworn he had a brother."

Dean felt that ache in his chest again; he refused to imagine what it'd be like to lose Sam like that. For Sam to just vanish one day to be experimented on by a man he trusted once, to be turned into a shadow of himself. It made Dean sick.

"How do you think we had the same dream?" Sam asked next, looking over at Dean again curiously. "It sounds like it was identical…"

"It's got to have something to do with Cas, we have no idea what MacLeod did to him but I mean, c'mon! He's got a bunch of animal traits but glowing eyes? That's not frickin' normal." Dean scoffed and tapped the side of his head, "My guess is there's some experimental shit we don't know about. We're living in a Sci-Fi movie."

Sam smirked and headed for the door, with a soft laugh. "Thanks, I needed that."

"Hey," Dean sat up to the best of his ability; Sam paused and looked back, "you okay?"

"Yeah," he scratched the back of his head tiredly, "I feel a lot better now, I'm kinda glad we had the same dream; even if it was pretty bad."

Dean sighed with some relief, "Good, then try and get some more sleep, alright?"

"I'll try, 'night Dean." Sam was about to exit again but Dean interrupted him another time.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, come give me a hug before you go."

Sam laughed a little but didn't deny his big brother's request. He gave a small wave before finally leaving Dean alone with his thoughts and a sleeping Cas.

"It's weird," Dean whispered to Castiel, knowing that the understanding wasn't quite there, "we know something about you that you don't remember. I wonder what you'd say if you knew?" He rested his hand on Castiel's back, feeling the gentle rise and fall of Cas' breathing. So calm and peaceful, Cas felt safe there and it was contagious in a way. Dean found himself breathing in rhythm with Cas, his eyelids feeling heavier with each passing minute.

It took a while but soon he found sleep again.

* * *

 

Dean woke to the excited flutter of wings and an unmistakable chatter. Castiel had leapt off the bed and was pressed to the window, hopping about and sliding his hands repeatedly against the glass. Dean yawned and sat up, he felt a little stiff from lying in the same position most of the night; Cas hadn't exactly given him much chance to move about.

"What're you looking at?" He asked sleepily, Cas replied with the same chittering sound and without turning around. Dean got out of bed and stumbled to the window. There was a tree fairly close to them and on one of its branches was a little family of birds. Cas was so excited to see them and Dean wished he could open the window to let him get closer; but of course he was too worried Cas would just jump out.

"Those're birds," he explained instead, "they have wings like you, is that why you're so excited?"

Cas yelped in joy and briefly pushed his face against the glass, as if that might give him a better view. Dean laughed and started toward the second door in his room, "Alright, I'm gonna get ready and then let's get some breakfast." He had expected there to be leftover pizza but that dream had been eaten by Cas the night before. Instead he figured he'd check to see if there was anything edible in the kitchen, that was a far fetched plan but Dean figured hoping was as good an idea as any.

During his morning routine in his adjoined bathroom Dean could still hear Cas' excitement about the birds outside. At least until Castiel hunted him down in the bathroom, that is. Cas peered at him curiously the entire time he did his business, Dean knew it was probably all pretty strange to him but that didn't stop his watchful eye from being eerie. Dean made a mental note to get Cas his own toothbrush, but for now he could do without one for another day.

As he left the room Cas went to inspect all the things Dean had touched that morning. Dean watched silently as Castiel started to unroll the toilet paper, the pile got bigger and so did Castiel's passion for the activity. "Cas," Dean went to take his hand, wishing he could undo what Cas had just learned. "C'mon buddy, let's get food."

Castiel lit up and ferret-noised his way to the door. Apparently handles were still a mystery but he seemed to understand what the word 'food' meant. Dean opened it and watched Cas scamper off, figuring he was heading to where they'd eaten pizza the day before. And just as he expected he found Cas in the sitting room they were in before, as well as Jet.

"Good morning," Dean chimed as he strolled in, the kitchen could wait a few more minutes. As he circled round to see Jet's face he noticed who tired it was. "Dude, did you even sleep last night?"

"Yeah," Jet ran his hand down his face and let it drop into his lap, Cas was nearby so he wandered over and tried to inspect the seemingly heavy limb. Jet didn't stop him, either. "I had a wicked nightmare, man."

Dean wasn't surprised, he sat down next to his friend and rubbed Cas on the head, "What happened?"

"I was Cas,"

He nodded, "Sam and I had the same one, strapped to a table and MacLeod was there, right?"

Jet raised an eyebrow at him, "Yeah, and he knocked us out with a needle…"

"Yep, we had the same one. He and I both woke up at the same time, he told me about it last night." Dean furrowed his brow and looked Jet over, "I figured maybe you hadn't had it since you didn't wake up like we did."

"I couldn't wake up," Jet shook his head, his expression and tone said more than he probably ever could explain. "The needle knocked us out for a while but Cas was conscious for some of it. It was sickening, man." He scrunched up his nose in a snarl and wrapped his arms around himself, "I could feel my head being moved but it was numb, I know something poked around inside my skull… I heard him humming the same song he did when I worked for him, but the worst of it was hearing Cas. I could hear his thoughts and I felt what he was feeling. It was sick, it was fucking sick."

Dean couldn't begin to imagine what that was like, what he got to see was already surreal and fucked him up enough as it was. "Are you okay?" He didn't know what else to ask.

"I'm fine," Jet didn't sound like he was but Dean knew better than to push buttons. Jet looked at Cas who had climbed onto the couch with the two of them and mimicked how they were sitting. "I feel like such an asshole for what I said about him…"

"You learned more about him than me or Sam, huh?" Dean asked quietly and Jet just nodded.

"Maybe," he muttered as he brought his feet up to rest on the couch and his knees closer to his chest. "He's got an older brother, I know what he looks like but I didn't quite get his name; Cas' thoughts were pretty soupy after the drugs."

"Makes sense, Sam was pretty sure he had a brother too."

"He worked for MacLeod too," Jet's eyes narrowed as he spoke, Dean could almost hear his thought process through it. "He was scared more than anything, I couldn't fucking stand it." He put his head down against his knees, shaggy hair dropping around his face and hiding it from Dean.

"I'm sorry," Dean leaned over and gave Jet a hug, he knew immediately how bad his friend was feeling by the way Jet leaned into it instead of pushing him off like it was a big joke. Dean stayed there as long as Jet needed, though Cas wasn't about to be left out. He moved around Dean and squeezed himself in between them, snuggling up close to both of them and making Jet laugh.

"He's so affectionate,"

Dean couldn't help the chuckling that started in his throat, "Yeah, he's pretty snuggly. I guess he likes contact."

"I would too if I were him," Jet mumbled as he knocked his forehead against Cas'. Castiel chirped in response and did the same, except he knocked his head back and forth from Dean to Jet a few times.

Dean backed off rubbing his forehead; Jet didn't move and just uttered a single "Ow" in a monotonous tone.


	8. Chapter 8

"So I guess we need a moving company to help us move our shit," Jet mused aloud while Dean turned the kitchen upside down. Cas was helping but he wasn't actually searching for anything. "By the sound of your scavenging I'd say we need to go grocery shopping too."

"Well," Dean leaned on the marble countertop with his findings splayed out in front of him; Cas still pulled things out of the cupboards behind him and enjoyed every second of it. "I've got some cereal, oatmeal, and some ingredients to make shit I guess but perishables are a no-go."

"Which eliminates everything but oatmeal if you wanna eat that shit with water." Jet rolled his eyes and stood up, "I'll go get some food I guess."

Dean frowned, "I should stay here, huh?"

"Unless you want Cas screaming by the door after we leave, yeah I think maybe you should stay." Jet looked to Castiel who had successfully emptied a cupboard of all its contents; dishes lined the floor and counter while he proudly inspected the empty space. "Maybe put some pants on him, that should take up enough time until I get back."

"Ha ha, very funny." Dean knelt down and started replacing the items Cas had relocated. He was a little surprised that he hadn't tried to get Cas into pants already, especially since they slept in the same bed and Cas was a cuddler. "I'll go look to see if I can find some shorts, let's start small here."

"Still better than nothing, it's not like he knows he should cover up and the longer he runs around nude the more I feel like a creep."

Dean could see Jet's logic there, Cas had no concept of social norms therefore he probably couldn't really consent to most things. Not that Cas meant to be sexual by being nude, nor had any of them looked at him that way. Maybe it was more a comfort thing? Dean wasn't entirely sure  _why_  it was indecent to let Castiel be naked, but he couldn't find the arguments to defend it without being labelled a pervert. Pants were a good step to take.

Jet said his goodbyes as Dean cleaned up the mess he and Cas had made, Castiel was confused but he helped anyway. It was nice, Dean wasn't sure if Cas would be upset that his work was being negated by putting it all back. Good to know it wouldn't be a problem, at least for that one moment anyway. Castiel didn't understand what he was looking for or why he was doing it, if he had maybe he'd think it was as big a pain as Dean did.

"So what should we do?" he asked, a smile on his face as he watched Cas shuffle to another cupboard and peer inside. "Maybe doing some more exploring would be fun, huh?" He reached over and took Cas' hand, which earned him a wide-eyed look filled with nothing but questions. Dean wished he could hear them.

Castiel followed Dean's lead though the Winchester had no real idea what he was doing. Exploring was a good idea to get an idea about the layout and what they all owned now, but he wasn't sure he wanted to do it all just yet. As he contemplated whether or not he wanted to actually do it, Dean noticed that Cas was pausing every few steps to look at something new. There were paintings on the walls, decorative etchings in the wood on frames, and even some statues spread around the place. It was all new to Castiel, all he was used to was a dirt floor and a glass dome above his head.

"I've got an idea, c'mon Cas." Dean strolled down the main hall and went right for their indoor pool. A floor made of water might just blow the little dude's mind but Dean wanted to see that reaction. He questioned briefly if Cas could swim but figured it wouldn't be that big a deal.

When they walked inside Castiel was instantly curious about the movement of the water. He walked up to the edge and peered down, his first reaction was to dip his hand in and drink it. Cas shook his head, an immediate regret apparent on his face as he stuck out his tongue and spat the water back out.

"It's chlorine," Dean squatted down next to Cas and splashed some water at him, "keeps the water clean but tastes nasty."

Cas giggled, the first laugh Dean had heard from him, and mimicked Dean's move by splashing the water around. Dean wasn't sure what to say really, he talked to Cas like it might be understood or did things in the hopes it'd spark a reaction of some kind. But he had nothing to say that time, he just watched and listened as Castiel experienced the pool for the first time. Each noise he made meant something, it was his way of communicating and Dean wished more than anything he could understand it.

His own curiosity also surprised him; Cas was the strangest and most interesting thing to really happen in his life so it seemed normal to be involved. But Dean couldn't explain how much he cared; by all means he could have laughed and put Cas through numerous situations that made him uncomfortable. Just the idea of Castiel hurt and scared bothered him, he wanted to protect Cas and he wanted to help. Teaching Castiel how the world worked felt like the next logical step, but to do that Cas had to experience so many things before teaching could start making sense.

Dean believed that Cas could learn, from the nervous stranger to what he was just a day later told Dean that much. There were questions whose answers could change Castiel's reality, one of which being whether or not he could ever speak again. Dean wanted to teach Cas language, means of better communication, but to do that he had to know if it was going to be English or sign language.

As he sat thinking at the edge of the pool he wasn't prepared for Castiel to suddenly fall in. The winged male floundered about in shock at first, splashing Dean until he was soaked, but it only took a few seconds before Cas felt comfortable again. He touched his feet down and found himself in the shallow end of the pool; the water reached his abdomen and was completely safe. He lit up like a set of Christmas lights, his wings perked up and fluttered excitedly as he chirped at Dean about the experience.

Dean had to laugh, it bubbled up in his chest despite his anger at suddenly being drenched or the worry about his phone and water damage. "You wanna play in the water, do ya?" He chuckled before he stood up and pulled his shirts off, tossing them to the side carelessly. He kept his underwear on but jeans and socks were discarded just as sloppily, he made a mental note to throw his jeans a bit further, in case Cas decided to splash more and attack Dean's phone a second time.

He moved a little more to the deeper end and jumped in; making sure his cannon-ball would get Cas back at least a bit. He surfaced to the sound of Castiel squeaking; it came off as worried but might've been surprise as well. Cas walked closer but the deepening pool made him hesitate, he circled around to the shallow end again and paced. It was just like when he wanted to leave his comfort zone but couldn't drag up the courage. Dean smiled and floated on his back, he knew Cas would come to him, it was just a matter of time.

The soft grunting noises Castiel made distantly were a nice tell as to where he was while Dean wasn't looking. He could hear the sounds getting closer and then slip back again as Cas changed his mind about where he wanted to be. "It's okay, Cas." He said without looking, "it's safe." He wasn't keeping track of how many times he'd said that but it always seemed to work.

Castiel chirped a few times and started hopping closer; he waded all the way to Dean, his wings keeping him afloat more than anything else. He pushed his face against Dean's like a cat might, except it caused Dean's head to sink a little. He sputtered and coughed due to the sudden intake of water, he was not at all prepared for Cas to accidentally dunk his head.

Cas, of course, was very concerned. He squealed a little and grabbed Dean, who had no idea what was going on while he hacked up a lung. He blinked rapidly when he saw the pool fall away from his feet, the sound of heavy movement from Cas' wings filling his ears. Dean looked to see that Castiel had carried him out of the pool in order to save his life.

Dean on the other hand freaked out. He flailed as soon as he realized he was in the air, "Put me down!" he shouted and wrapped his arms around Cas' shoulders, his fingers digging into hard muscle. Castiel purred softly and nuzzled Dean's cheek as he slowly lowered them to the floor. Dean's breathing didn't start to return to normal until he felt the tiles under his feet. His heart was racing and he was pretty damn sure death was just around the corner.

Cas lied Dean down and perched over him, looking at his face and checking for possible injuries. Dean reached up and pat his face, "Thanks," he wasn't sure if that was sarcastic or not, but regardless he was pretty sure Cas couldn't quite understand it anyway. He couldn't help but smile though; it was nice to see Cas worried about him. Apparently he wasn't the only one who cared too much after just one day.

They spent some time just hanging out on the floor next to the pool, Dean was in no hurry to rush around and Cas seemed content in most places as long as Dean was there. He stared up at the high ceiling, marveling quietly about how nice the place was. "Hey Cas," he just started talking, he couldn't really explain why. "What do you think of all this? It's kinda weird, you know? I mean, it's a whole new world for you in a way, and it's all new to me too. I've never been rich before, I have no idea what to do with myself. We're kinda going through the same thing, maybe…"

Dean sighed and turned his head to look at Castiel, there was a soft glow to his eyes but it was nothing like when he felt threatened. Cas just watched him, didn't make a sound or wander off like someone with no attention span. He watched Dean like he wanted to answer, like there was an intention to why he was sitting there.

"Can you understand me, Cas?" Dean asked quietly, his brow creased and his mind starting to race. He imagined that Cas would nod his head, that maybe Castiel understood all of it but couldn't help the strange animalistic behaviours. But Cas didn't move, he gave no signs of understanding but he didn't exactly prove otherwise, either. Dean frowned and dropped his head back again, "I wish I understood you…"

Castiel nuzzled his cheek and lied down on the floor next to him, wings splayed out on the floor.

It wasn't until ten minutes later that Dean decided he'd been lying around for too long, "Maybe I should get you into some pants before Jet gets back." He looked at Cas with a smile, to which Castiel just tilted his head in response. He clearly didn't understand what Dean meant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya guys sorry this one is a bit shorter, been feeling a bit down and I slacked on writing but I wanted to get a chapter out to you all. Take care, guys


	9. Chapter 9

" _I said I don't want to go," Dean grumbled through grinding teeth as Bobby put his bags by the door._

" _And I said you're goin'," Bobby didn't skip a beat, just moved Dean's things into a pile. "We already had this discussion, Dean."_

" _Yeah, like five times. I keep telling you I'm not going, I won't leave you here."_

" _We've already got you into a college and a decent apartment, you're going and that's final."_

_Dean refused to listen, even when Bobby explained in detail why he wanted Dean to go to a nice school. Sam would be there with him, going to a good high school and then on to a great college. Jet would be there too, helping Dean walk through the steps of city life right at his side. But it wasn't good enough. Dean didn't want to leave Bobby behind._

" _I don't understand why you can't come!" He shouted, he knew he was being a brat but he felt it was necessary._

" _You're seriously going to be difficult with this, aren't ya?" Bobby sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, "I have my reasons, I'm an old man and I'm not ready to go anywhere." Dean knew better than to demand another answer out of that. He knew that Bobby lost his wife on that property, but that was even more reason to go to a new place. He wanted to say it but he couldn't. He couldn't push that button._

" _Dean," Jet placed a hand on his shoulder and Dean lowered his head, tears stinging his eyes. "C'mon man, it's a long drive." It was a gentle way of saying Dean had to go._

" _I don't want to say goodbye," Dean shook his head and Bobby hugged him again._

" _No one's sayin' goodbye, kid. I'll see you later, okay?"_

_Dean nodded and dropped his face against Bobby's shoulder. He had to move forward, he told himself over and over again. "I'll see you later, Bobby."_

* * *

 

Dean walked through the mansion peeking into rooms, searching for the one that might have clothing in it. Some of them looked like no one had been inside for ages; it was a little eerie. Cas followed his lead, majority of him was dry but his wings were still wet; Dean knew because of the trail of water they left along the floor.

It took too long to find a room that looked like it might've been occupied once but Dean managed to do it. He walked in and went right to the wardrobe in the hopes of finding something comfortable to put on Cas.

Castiel stopped by the door and waited, Dean noticed a few distressed sounds and glanced back to check and see if he'd accidentally closed the door. It was open and Cas was in plain sight; he had no idea what was bringing on those odd whimpering noises. "It's alright Cas, I'll be right out." He said reassuringly as he tossed through a few shirts. It was obvious Cas' wings wouldn't fit into shirts, Dean knew better than to attempt to put him in one just yet.

There was a pair of white pants, thin and baggy and, in Dean's opinion, perfect for Cas' first pair. They had an elastic waistband, they'd barely cling to his legs at all, it would be almost like wearing nothing. Dean lifted them up in triumph and turned around with a grin, Cas anxiously paced by the door but perked up when Dean did.

"Got 'em," Dean claimed as he waltzed out the door, Cas stared at them for a moment then looked at Dean for clarification. "These're for you," he pretended to put them on then offered them to Castiel. The reaction he got wasn't exactly expected; Cas swatted them out of Dean's hand and shuffled away with a scoffing snort. Dean frowned but picked them up again, choosing not to understand Cas' tone. "C'mon Cas, it's fine. They're comfortable and warm, you'll like them." He moved closer and knelt down in front of his stubborn friend.

Castiel hesitated, staring curiously at Dean who kneeled before him. Cas squatted down to be level with him, which gave him an idea. Dean moved to sit with his feet forward and pat the floor next to him. Cas tilted his head in confusion but mimicked regardless, he sat down and straightened his legs like Dean had, wiggling his toes while he waited for something to make sense.

Dean smiled, "There you go," he reached over and gently touched Cas' leg, the winged boy remaining still and watching in silence. Dean carefully lifted Cas' leg and slipped the first pant-leg on, and that was as far as he could get. Castiel shrieked and furiously flapped his wings, propelling him further away from Dean. He chattered angrily, almost like a fast-talker cursing someone out but in gibberish.

"C'mon!" Dean whined and stood up again, lifting the pants uselessly; "Just put 'em on, it'll be fine. They're totally safe."

Cas barked once in response, indignant and perturbed. Dean sighed and walked past Castiel down the hall, his English-challenged friend bickering at him as he passed. Dean walked a few feet and heard Castiel following him again; he was going to get that naked ass in some pants if it killed him.

They walked all the way to the main entrance in silence; Cas was getting a bit closer but remained at a distance. Dean ventured into the sitting room and dropped onto a couch, waiting as long as it took Castiel to inch close enough. The second he saw his chance, which had taken about five minutes, Dean leapt into action. He jumped onto Cas and wrestled him to the ground, Dean anticipated the squealing but it was a lot sharper than expected. He struggled to get the pants over Cas' legs and managed to do it, though Castiel didn't stop fighting back.

Dean thought he was in the clear and could pull the clothing up to Cas' waist, but he wasn't expecting the beat down of wings. Cas' extra appendages pounded him with increasing strength, the more distressed Cas became the harder he hit. Dean wound up covering his head, abandoning his endeavor in order to protect himself. Even with Dean having given up Cas was relentless. He screamed incoherently as he smacked Dean down onto the floor, frantically moving away for an escape.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" Dean cried out and Castiel sped away from him to the doorway. He looked up and watched Cas thrash about until the pants were freed from his legs, viciously bright blue eyes glared back at Dean.

Castiel hissed until the sound dissolved into a deep growl, he swatted the cloth away whilst hissing again as he ran out of air. Dean moved to get up but the sudden shift had Castiel screeching at him, wings arched and teeth bared. He froze, his heart starting to race as his imagination ran away on him. Cas could probably tear his throat out if he did anything stupid, though Dean couldn't help but think about how Cas 'saved him from drowning' earlier.

"Cas, it's alright," Dean moved slowly which seemed to be fine; Cas bristled a little but didn't freak out. Dean managed to stand up and took a few steps closer, Cas shuffled back for each step but he didn't do anything insinuating violence so Dean kept walking. As he got to the doorway he leaned down to grab the pants, which was the move that made Castiel run. "Cas!" Dean shouted and bolted after him, reaching the main entrance and watching Cas fly up to the fourth floor balcony. "You're seriously going to be difficult with this," he sighed in defeat and dropped down onto the floor.

* * *

 

"Did you even try?" Jet stood with his arms crossed, his tone wasn't so much scolding as it was exasperated.

Dean gestured wildly toward Castiel, who was still perched on the fourth floor balcony, just as naked as ever. "Have you tried getting him to wear pants!? He's impossible! He beat me up with his wings!"

Jet raised an eyebrow but said nothing for several seconds as Dean attempted to explain his failure. "What'd you do, try and pin him down and force them on him?"

Dean paused and shrugged, trying to look less guilty. "Only after he refused to let me do it calmly." Jet snatched the cloth from Dean's hands and walked into the entrance, he looked up at Cas who's glare was painfully bright.

"Hey Cas," Jet called in the friendliest tone Dean had ever heard him use, he'd heard it before but those were on rare occasions. "Can you come down? I want to show you something."

Castiel remained still and watched Jet with an only slightly less grumpy expression. He circled around on the bannister but didn't come down.

"Not a fan of pants, I take it?" Jet lifted the garment up and earned another angry hiss from their new friend. "Alright, alright," he dropped them to the floor at his feet and raised his hands again, showing there was nothing in them. "See? No pants."

Cas' wings fluttered agitatedly but he looked a tiny bit less upset. Jet waited patiently, his hands open and posture welcoming as he smiled up at Cas. Dean stood in silence for several minutes, his expression slowly dropping into annoyance. He tapped his fingers along his arm impatiently and looked up at Cas who hadn't budged.

"The hell are you doing?" he asked and Jet shushed him.

"Not so loud man, he needs to feel welcomed down here."

"He's clearly not coming down," Dean would admit he was frustrated but he wouldn't really consider that he was doing anything unhelpful. Cas was being difficult on purpose, he'd listened to Dean on other occasions but apparently Cas was too good for pants. "Besides, you look like you're pretending to be Jesus."

"Fuck off," Jet responded dryly without changing his friendly expression, it almost made Dean laugh. Jet did drop his arms though and looked around, "It's gotta be something else… maybe if you get out of sight."

"Seriously?" Dean protested but Jet waved a hand at him.

"Shoo, get outta here."

Dean grumbled but listened, moving out of Cas' sight and waiting. Jet looked up at Cas again, "He's gone, you can come down." Dean saw Jet's expression change from his vantage point; his friend looked around again and picked up the pants. "These?" Another hiss was Cas' reply. Jet nodded and looked at Dean, "Okay it wasn't you, you can come back."

"Awesome," Dean rolled his eyes, "Glad we could waste everyone's time."

Jet didn't answer; instead he started to pull on the pants Dean had struggled to find. He tore it up until it was unrecognizable and threw the pieces down, letting them scatter to show it was no longer in existence. He smiled up at Cas again, "Better?"

Castiel was far less tense; he peered down at the pile and chirped a few times. Jet leaned over and kicked the fabric around, pretending that was what Cas had wanted him to do. Dean was surprised to see it had worked when Castiel dropped down to the main floor, he still kept clear from the used-to-be garment but inched closer to the boys. Jet walked over to Cas to ease the stress of getting near the traumatizing remains, and as soon as he was far enough away from it Cas jumped on him.

Dean would've lied if he had said it didn't make him jealous. He didn't know why he felt that way; Cas could nuzzle whomever he wanted. Dean wasn't the only one around, though he was the one who let Cas free.

However, despite his poorly hidden bitterness, Dean noticed that Jet really appreciated it. He was smiling earnestly, struggling a little to hold Cas up since the big kitten was crawling on him, but still smiling.

"I guess we'll hold off on that for a while," Dean stated it just as much as he was asking Jet, seeing as how Jet was the one who insisted to begin with.

"Yeah, yeah," Jet relented and ruffled Cas' hair, "this son of a bitch purrs pretty damn hard, doesn't he?"

Dean laughed, "He does, it gets kinda loud at night."

"I believe it. Now help me get the groceries inside, I bought enough to feed this hungry hippo."

"Right," Dean glanced at Cas again; he didn't miss how Castiel looked at him. It was like a betrayal, Cas looked hurt and watched Dean with stressed eyes.

It hurt more than Dean had expected it would. He lowered his gaze and turned away, he didn't understand what Castiel freaked out about so badly but he should have stopped. He knew he should have. Cas couldn't say no to anything directly, that didn't mean he couldn't deny something.

"I'm sorry, Cas." He said softly as he walked by, he couldn't look at Castiel without feeling guilty.

Then foreign fingers laced in between his own and startled him, Dean's gaze snapped up to see Cas holding his hand. It was a delicate touch, hesitant but still strong in its hold. Castiel was crouched, his head tilted down but his eyes were fixed on Dean's face. He let out a small whine and moved a little closer with small steps. He looked apologetic, his wings were down, basically drooping and his shoulders were slumped.

Dean knelt down to be level but Castiel dropped a bit lower, "Are you sorry for hitting me?" Dean asked quietly, he knew that Cas probably didn't understand what that meant but he felt that maybe Cas understood enough of it.

Castiel shuffled forward on his knees and rested his head against Dean's shoulder, that same high whine whimpering out of him like a puppy. Dean smiled sadly and nuzzled Cas' cheek a little, "It's okay, Cas." He turned his head enough to see Castiel's face, glad to see there was almost no glow to his eyes.

Castiel leaned closer and licked Dean's mouth. It sent a jolt through his body and his face flushed with heat. "What?" He stuttered in surprise and heard Jet cackling by the entrance.

"Oh my god!" Jet wheezed and wrapped his arms around his stomach.

Dean would have shouted at him but he was a little too close to Cas to start being loud. He laughed awkwardly instead and mussed up Cas' hair, at least Castiel looked a little happier. "Let's uh… go get the stuff to make food now, what'd'ya say?"

"Dude," Jet wasn't done and Dean had to flip him off. "Don't you get it?" Jet didn't react to the blatant rage Dean was displaying toward him.

"Get what, asshole?"

"Dogs do that, they lick the mouth of their master to show subordination." Jet wiped his eyes and sighed having caught his breath again. "That's so cute."

"You're a dick." Dean helped Cas stand up again, glad to see the pep back in those wings. Castiel nuzzled Dean's face again, this time though he was careful to not let any tongue action occur.

"Hear that?" Jet smirked, there was a familiar rumbling engine closing in and Dean knew exactly what Jet meant.

"Don't you dare."

"Sam absolutely  _has_  to know about this."

"I will kill you."

"Try it, tough guy."


	10. Chapter 10

Sam walked in the front door, a few bags in his arms and a rather heavy looking backpack over his shoulder. He closed the door with his foot and looked up at the party in the entrance with some surprise, "Uh… miss me much?"

"A little," Dean admitted with a nervous smile, Castiel still clung to him despite Dean's discomfort.

"What's going on?" Sam looked down at the mess of fabric scattered around the floor, "And what is all this?"

"Those are nothing and we're forgetting it happened," Dean was quick to say, not wanting to rile Castiel up again.

"Huh…" Sam didn't seem satisfied but he didn't push it, instead he put down the bags he was carrying and fished through one of them, "Speaking of forgetful behaviour, I noticed Cas is still naked."

Dean and Jet exchanged a quick look of helplessness as Sam pulled out a similarly designed pair of pants, they were black and possibly track pants, Dean wasn't entirely sure. "Uhm… Sam?" He furrowed his brow, unsure of how to explain that it might be a bad idea.

"Cas doesn't like pants, dude." Jet had no trouble with it.

"Just because he's not wearing any doesn't mean he doesn't like them, here," Sam walked over to Cas and held the garment up for him to take, which he did. Cas sniffed it first then rubbed it against his face, "You have to introduce him first."

"Wha…" Dean wasn't sure what to say, "That's bullshit! I introduced him to those pants, what the hell? Does he not like white pants?"

Sam raised an eyebrow at that, "Where'd you find them? I thought this place didn't have anything in it."

"I found a room that used to have someone in it and took their leftover pants, they were a size that would fit and basically just like those ones." Dean folded his arms indignantly as he watched Castiel stick his head in the waistband hole and attempt to crawl inside them. "Elastic and soft and baggy, perfect for a first pair."

"Uh huh…" his brother shook his head and looked over at the pile of shreds like it suddenly made sense to him. "Were they MacLeod's?"

Dean's scrunched up his nose at Sam, "I don't know, what does it matter?"

Jet laughed a little, a sarcastically bitter sound. "I didn't think of that."

"Think of what? What're you guys –" Dean paused when it dawned on him, if those were MacLeod's pants then Castiel probably smelled the old bastard on them. He groaned and dropped his face into his hands, "I didn't think of that either…"

Cas gurgled happily within his new clothes, though he wore them entirely wrong. Dean knelt down and lifted them off his head, Cas' face lit up when he saw him. Dean smiled back and sat down across from him, a position Cas mimicked again to stay on Dean's level. "Sorry I'm an idiot, buddy." Dean said softly as he carefully lifted Castiel's leg again, this time there was no animosity from his angel-esque friend.

Dean helped Cas stand up and pulled the pants to his waist, "Tah-dah," he laughed and pat Cas on the shoulder, "we got you into some pants."

Castiel hummed and moved his legs around, intrigued by the strange feeling. He hopped a few times and squealed, at first Dean thought it was terror again but the look on Cas' face said nothing but joy.

"So," Sam clapped his hands, surprising Dean and Jet enough to make them jump, "I noticed the car out front has some food in it, I brought stuff from the house in town, how about we make something?"

"Yeah, I'm starving," Dean took Cas' hand to lead him but all it did was invite him to jump around even more. Cas was trying to show off his new item, it was cute; Dean wasn't sure what it must feel like to suddenly have something after having nothing for so long.

* * *

 

The four of them sat in the kitchen sorting out what would go where, but mostly it was Sam deciding the organization while Jet and Dean watched. They had tried to help but just got in Sam's way, so instead of getting their heads bitten off the two chilled out nearby. Castiel followed Sam around the kitchen, twirling every now and then and moving his hips excessively. He absolutely loved his fabric legs and kept rubbing his hands on them.

"Does he go to the bathroom?" Jet asked randomly and Dean was left without an answer.

"Haven't seen him do it yet, why?"

"Just wondering…"

"I imagine he's not potty-trained," Sam mused with them, "Maybe he's been finding places to go?"

"I really don't want to discover that." Dean laughed though he was pretty serious about it.

"Mm…" Jet's sound of agreement was followed by some silence, their energy having run a little low. Well, everyone's but Castiel's anyway. He was very energetic and pranced about shamelessly. After watching Cas for a few minutes Jet piped up again, "Hey, by the way I made some keys in town." He fished in his pocket and dropped the metal bits onto the counter, "go nuts."

"It's pretty hard to believe, isn't it?" Sam said as he picked his set up, turning it over in his hands, "I still can't really grasp that we're here now, it feels like a dream."

"It's only day two, Sammy," Dean knew what his brother was getting at, everything about that mansion felt unreal. They were in a brand new lifestyle, life would be entirely different from their perspective and Dean wasn't sure if he was ready for that. They were suddenly privileged in a way they'd never been, not a single one of them. Hell, Dean started to think maybe he could relate to Cas a little bit in that way. They weren't prepared for a lifestyle that suddenly jumped on them, it was freeing but they were so hesitant to fall into it. In that regard Cas was definitely far ahead of them, he knew basically nothing about his new surroundings but still took them head on.

"We'll get used to it, might take some research." Jet offered some optimism with a smirk on his face; even he looked like a fish out of water.

"Speaking of research," Sam was surprisingly lively all of a sudden, "I called to get Internet set up over here, they're coming tomorrow."

"Good idea," Jet grinned wildly, "And I have an even better one, something that should make this whole thing feel a little more real."

Dean raised his eyebrow curiously; he liked the sound of that. "Like what?"

"Shopping spree."

The same grin appeared on Dean's face, "I love it. Gonna buy a shit-ton of movies."

"Hell yeah, gonna buy state of the art entertainment shit and furniture that doesn't smell like old man."

Dean wondered with that comment just why Cas wouldn't hate the entire house if he hated those pants. Maybe the smell was stronger on items MacLeod actually wore? He looked over at Cas, which prompted an added conversation.

"What do we do with Cas?" Sam was the one to ask though he knew the answer Dean would give.

"One of us has to stay here with him, he can't be by himself."

"Bullshit," Jet remarked and had both Winchesters staring at him waiting for an explanation. "Who says he has to stay here? We'll bring him with."

"Dude, that's a bad idea." Dean shook his head, "We have no idea how he'd do in a public place, what if we lose him?"

"Plus he didn't exactly come from the most normal of circumstances," Sam pointed out, worry lining his tone. "How do you think people would react to him? He communicates in weird noises and has wings on his back."

"Well we can say he's special, that'll get people off our backs about the speech thing. As for the wings, I think I can whip something up."

Dean didn't like the sound of that but the idea of bringing Castiel outside did appeal to him. He wanted to see Cas' reaction to new things, but maybe taking him so far out of his comfort zone that soon would result in a complete disaster? "What if he can't handle it? I don't want to lose him."

"Then I'll watch him, it'll be fine." Jet sounded so sure but for once it wasn't convincing enough for Dean.

"Like I said, I don't want to lose him."

"C'mon, he's handled this much already, hasn't he? We can take him to one friggin' store."

Dean looked at Sam for some help, his brother in turn crossed his arms and looked at Jet seriously, "Did you forget that we've only known him for two days? We  _just_  got some clothes on him, it's way too soon to take him out."

Jet sighed and dropped his head on the counter, "Fine, whatever."

Cas climbed up onto the counter and sat cross-legged in front of Jet's defeated self. He leaned closer, trying to see Jet's face but it was pressed against the marble surface. Cas grabbed Jet's hair and slowly lifted his head up that way, peering down at him curiously. Cas chattered his gibberish and Jet smiled, "Cute-ass motherfucker," he grumbled as he ruffled Castiel's hair again. Cas returned the gesture by letting go and messing up Jet's hair right back, though he used two hands instead of just one.

"We could test it out and bring him outside?" Dean offered, still nervous about Castiel running off but then again they couldn't keep him inside forever.

Sam made a face Dean knew meant he had some reserves on the topic, "I still don't know, maybe we should let him feel out the house a bit longer?"

"If we don't introduce him to stuff when it's all new then he might be scared to do it later," Jet butted back in with his own 'parenting style.' The argument in itself made Dean snicker a little bit. "We gotta at least let him outside, don't make the house his new prison."

"Alright, alright," Sam raised his hands in surrender, "We'll take him outside, but don't look at me if he flies away and gets lost."

"That would happen regardless,"

"Not helping Jet,"

"What? It's true. If he's gonna take off it'll happen whenever. I don't know if you've been seeing the same behaviour I have, though. From where I'm sitting, he looks like he's in love with us so I doubt he'll leave." Jet of course said this all while Cas played with his hair, Dean could understand that point of view.

"Alright, we'll take him outside after we eat." Sam pointed at Dean, "Now you, get in the kitchen."

"I've had a long day!" Dean whined but got up all the same; he knew that he was the only one who actually stayed home the whole time. The moment he walked into the kitchen Cas was on the floor again and following him about. Dean thought it might get annoying eventually but for the time being he really enjoyed it, made him feel special.

Sam and Jet watched him, both pleased they didn't have to lift a finger to make dinner. Not that it was that different than normal; Dean was by far the best chef of the three of them. He let Sam make the healthy stuff, and Jet was a pretty decent baker; but Dean was their primary cook. He whipped up enough to feed the three of them plus Cas, he wasn't sure if that was a one time thing or not.

They sat down together at the table again, this time though Dean had Castiel sitting in a chair with them. Cas tried to take a handful of food and hop away to eat it but Dean caught his wrist, "No, no, not like that." He took a fork and put it in Cas' hand instead. Dean didn't have a lot of practice teaching people how to do things, trying to recall the days he was four and Sammy was an infant were the best he had. And even then he wasn't the one teaching Sam how to eat with a fork, that was for his parents to do.

In Dean's moment of pause, however, Jet whistled once to get Cas' attention. He lifted his own fork and, while making sure Cas was watching, slowly put it into his mashed potatoes and scooped some out. "Okay, now you try it."

Cas, as if understanding the words, carefully tried to copy Jet's movement. He lit up when he had a similar amount on his utensil and lifted to show Dean that he'd done it. "Great job, Cas." Dean couldn't help but smile at that, it was heartbreaking as much as it was cute.

Jet whistled again and Cas looked back at him to watch him stick the food into his mouth. Cas tilted his head and looked down at the fork, he mimicked the action again but unfortunately he couldn't see what Jet had done inside his mouth. Castiel attempted to bite the metal fork and promptly hurt himself on the pointy bits. He whined and dropped the fork altogether, kicking it away grumpily.

"Goddamn it," Jet sighed and rubbed his temples.

"I got it," Dean took his own fork and scooped up more potatoes, "Alright Cas, open up." He said before demonstrating, Cas didn't listen right away so he had to coax Cas' jaw down. It was enough to slip the fork in, this time Dean just grazed the potatoes along Cas' tongue and removed the utensil without incident. "Like that, okay?"

Cas chittered in response and stole Dean's fork from him, attempting the maneuver on his own again.

"He's learning fast," Sam commented with a smile, "I can't believe how quick he is."

Jet nodded, "Well he used to be just like us, experiencing this shit again is probably bringing something back."

"Think he'll talk soon?" Dean asked, he didn't mean for his tone to be so fanciful but it was. He was grateful than neither Sam or Jet bugged him about it.

"I bet he will," Sam sounded just as optimistic. "Give him some time, he'll figure it out."

Dean really hoped that was true, he wanted to talk with Cas; a real conversation. It didn't feel like enough to talk at him, to just get strange sounds as a response. He knew Cas was smart, he could tell. He laughed to himself when he realized it, it might take a while to get Castiel talking, but Dean was willing to put that time in. And he'd only known Cas for two days.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What up guys? I'm sorry for the few days I took a break there. But something cool happened! Tumblr just got instant messaging so if anyone wants to chat with me send me a message there, I'm Zafona there too of course! Anyone is welcome to do it, I'd love to talk to you guys.

“Ready,” Jet proclaimed proudly as he stepped up with his new ‘invention.’ He was calling it ‘The Official Cas Harness,’ or TOCH as he seemed to prefer. It was a backpack, more or less. Jet had ‘edited’ –his words- the concept and added some little tweaks of his own. There was a place for a leash attachment otherwise it was a crude version of a climbing harness and only made both Winchesters question why they didn't just go out and get a real one. Of course, the only bags Jet had available were the ones belonging to the three of them, Sam hadn't been too happy but he was promised a better one.

Dean's concerns about Castiel running away didn't die down with Jet's new invention.  

“It’s not gonna work,” Sam said outright and Jet immediately flipped him off. 

“It’ll be fine for the back yard, you don’t give Cas enough credit.”

“It’s not Cas I’m doubting here,” Sam smirked when Jet angled a pissy look his way. "Plus it's kinda ugly…" He added off-handedly, Dean silently appreciated his bravery.

"Well he's not interested in visual aesthetics, if it was a big deal I'd put more style into it." Jet replied coarsely but not too bad, he didn't always take criticism well when it came to his 'art.' There was a part of it that allowed a leash, which was also something Jet tried to make. Dean imagined Cas snapping the whole thing, or, if Cas wasn't strong enough to tear it, he'd take the person for one hell of a ride.

"How're you gonna get it on him?" Sam asked, watching Castiel entertain himself with flying around the 4-floored entrance.

"I'll show him how it works," Jet looked up and whistled once to see if he could get Castiel to look his way. It didn't work like it had the last time and he tried again.

"He's not a dog, remember?"

"C'mon, I whistle at you guys to get your attention too, it's not just a dog thing."

Dean rolled his eyes and gave it a shot, "Hey Cas, come here buddy." It didn't sound much better than Jet's whistling but it at least felt a little less like treating him as an animal.

Regardless of their bickering as to how to get Castiel to come closer, he listened to Dean's call and dropped down beside him. Cas purred and rubbed his cheek against Dean's, unaware of what they were planning on doing that evening.

With some effort on the part of everyone present, Castiel was in his new harness and goddamn did he hate it. It didn't take too much to get it on him but once it was he started to make faces about the whole thing. He pulled at it and flapped his wings irritably, though each fidgeting motion Dean tried to calm down with a 'shush.' Cas inevitably growled at Dean's hushing, getting grumpier about it with each passing second.

"I don't get why he doesn't like it," Jet said and Dean wasn't sure if the guy was kidding or not.

"It's uncomfortable and stupid, maybe?" Sam offered an explanation and moved to remove it from Castiel before they had another 'pants' situation. "We'll just have to take our chances with it."

"If you leave it on him he'll get used to it," Jet argued and stopped Sam from taking it off. "I know it's not pretty but it's not  _that_  bad!"

Sam pushed Jet back with a sneer, "You're such a narcissist you can't even see when your idiotic inventions aren't working! He doesn't like it, we'll try something else."

"You didn't even give it a chance!"

Dean stood back quietly while the two argued and held in his laughter as Castiel snuck away from them also. Cas slipped behind Dean and peeked out, glancing up at his chosen hiding spot warily. "I dunno," Dean whispered with a small chuckle and grazed his hand over Castiel's head. "C'mon, let's go outside before they figure this out." He took Cas' hand and led him to the door, being as much a wallflower as he could manage with a winged boy following him.

The sunlight had Cas wincing at first, squinting at the landscape around him. His fingers tightened around Dean's and he took a step closer, it wasn't familiar and he was unsure of himself but he trusted Dean. If there was anything around him that he wanted to be near it'd be Dean, at least until he learned the surroundings a bit better. Dean remembered it went a similar way when they took him out of the basement.

While Cas adjusted to the new lighting Dean unclasped the harness and ran his hand over smooth shoulders. "There you go," part of him was scared. Scared that Castiel would run, that he'd fly away and never come back. It'd be the end of Dean ever knowing him, only a couple days of contact and that was it. He wasn't ready to lose Cas just yet, he didn't know why exactly but he didn't want Castiel to leave.

Another part of him thought Jet was right, that even if Cas flew around in his new freedom he'd still come back. He'd return to Dean because that's where he wanted to be. It would be a satisfying conclusion, but not without the stress.

Castiel stayed by Dean's side and held his hand firmly; Dean knew that Cas wouldn't stray too far just yet. So instead of standing around he led Cas to the lawn; the first time Cas' bare feet touched the grass he yipped and hopped back. It was the same reaction as before; when Cas wasn't expecting a new texture under his feet it generally spooked him. Dean wondered if his angel-esque friend was extra sensitive; tickling came to mind but he decided to leave that for another time.

It took a couple more taps of Cas' foot on the lawn before he hopped onto it and wriggled his toes in the short green stuff. His wings perked up and the tips fluttered as he cooed his intrigue. He looked up at Dean with wide eyes, his face lit up in that way that made Dean smile.

"It's okay," Dean motioned to the grass, "go ahead."

As if understanding him Cas let go of his hand and ran, dropping after a few feet and rolling in the newest experience. Seeing those bright wings in the sunlight just seemed right to him, Dean wasn't sure how anyone could leave someone like Castiel in a basement like that.

"Dude," Jet smacked his shoulder, Dean knew it was about the harness but he didn't care.

"He looks happier without it," he replied casually, unable to look away from Castiel's enjoyment.

Sam walked up beside them with a smirk on his face, "Told you-"

"Not a word out of you," Jet cut him off and made both Winchesters laugh.

Castiel was covered in grass, dirt, and leaves after about ten minutes of his rolling spree and he loved every second of it. He clambered back to his feet and ran along the lawn, just running with no goal. It was amazing how fast he was, especially with the massive sails attached to his back to slow him down. Dean watched on with minor tension, trying to keep himself from micromanaging Cas' joy at all.

Sam on the other hand had an entirely different view. "I'm a little envious of him,"

"Why?" Jet raised an eyebrow, his tone dry at best. "Is it the human experimentation or the pretty face that gets you?"

"Shut up, it's because he's reliving everything. Could you imagine if you didn't know what grass felt like? It'd be the most amazing day. Plus there's open air all around him, he doesn't remember this kind of environment. I just think it'd be incredible."

Dean understood where Sam was coming from, imagining the whimsical feeling of rediscovery was a pretty cool notion but it came at too great a price. "I bet he'd trade places with us if he understood this."

Sam sighed and started walking along the yard toward Cas, "I'm just trying to put a positive spin on it."

Castiel turned and ran back toward them; he circled around Sam a few times in his excitement, babbling his gibberish and moving on to the other two. He jumped on Dean, arms slung around his shoulders in a hug as he promptly licked him right on the mouth again, much to Dean's dismay. Dean heard Sam's immediate laughter as he tried to get Cas off his face. "Yeah, yeah, you're welcome buddy." He wiped his lips with the back of his hand and prayed neither his brother or friend could see the slowly reddening of his cheeks.

Cas nuzzled his cheek affectionately and took off running again, just around their general vicinity this time, periodically dropping to roll in the grass some more.

"What was that?" Sam couldn't hold back the giggles and though Dean was embarrassed he was still glad to see his brother laughing, to some extent anyway.

"Puppy mannerisms," Dean defended quickly, "dogs lick the mouths of the person they see as their master. He just kinda decided to do it earlier today, I have no idea why."

"You're the one that let him out, dumbass."

"I know that, shut up." Dean swatted at Jet who was smart enough to step aside before any contact was made. "I mean you guys were nice to him too, hell Sam got him pants without scaring him and you shredded the ones I was trying to force on him. I don't get why he picked me, that's all."

"Good point, maybe it's not a 'dog-master' relationship the way we think it is, maybe he thinks  _he's_  the master and does it to show dominance over his bitch." Jet snickered, still dodging Dean's swings.

"You're a dick,"

"Yeah but have you known me to be anything else?" Jet got close again after Dean quit trying to smack him and gave a quick shot to Dean's shoulder.

Just before he was about to retaliate he heard his phone ringing, "You got lucky," he pointed at his friend menacingly and answered his cell, "Hello?"

" _Hey boy,"_

"Bobby! What's up? How are you?"

" _Could be better, could be worse. Can't really complain. How's it going for you? Classes ended didn't they?"_

"Yeah, for Jet and I anyway, Sammy's still gotta go."

" _He'll be there soon; so what's new?"_

Dean smiled to himself; it was nice to hear Bobby's voice again. He felt a little bad for not calling more frequently but he was very much aware of the fact that Bobby Singer wasn't the type to accept calls with no purpose. Of course, Bobby was allowed to make those calls, that was an entirely different situation.

"A lot is new, actually. Remember how I told you about Jet's summer job?"

" _And that creepy fella who'd make the dress code a bikini if it were legal?"_

"The very same,"

"He mentioned the perverted thing, didn't he?" Jet mused distantly and Dean nodded.

"Well Bobby, the creepy dude died." Dean felt mildly bad about saying that with so much satisfaction but he couldn't help it. The fact that MacLeod was a psychotic pervert overshadowed human decency about the dead.

" _Shit, where's Jet gonna get the money for college now? He ain't quittin' is he?"_

"Won't be a problem seeing as how his boss left him everything in a will."

Bobby was quiet for a little bit, Dean counted five seconds.  _"You're kiddin'?"_

"Nope, Jet's rich as hell. We even got a mansion outside of town."

" _Son of a bitch didn't ditch you two free-loaders the second he hit big money, huh? Kid's got more character than I gave him credit for."_

"Yeah right, you never thought for a second he'd ditch us. Anyway it's been a bit hectic, we've only known for a little over a day, trying to sort everything out. Not sure any of us know what to do with that much money."

" _Invest in something, put it in a savings account-"_

"Pay you back," Dean interrupted and heard Bobby scoffing on the other line.

" _Don't bother; I got all I need here. You boys better keep goin' to college though,"_

"I know, I know, no kids of yours are gonna be useless rich kids." He could hear the small sound of pride through the phone, Bobby loved it when Dean referred to him and Sam as 'Bobby's kids,' whether he'd admit it or not. "Don't worry; we're still going to school. Now I can actually focus on what I want to do, though. It's kind of a weird freedom."

" _Don't waste your time with stupid shit just 'cause you can afford it, kid."_

Dean was sure he could coax a lecture out of Bobby if he tried but that was far from his intention. "So… think you can come visit at least? I have a feeling getting you to move here might be asking too much."

" _I'll come and check it out, sounds like you guys are a little lost without me."_

"Please do, we don't know how to adult." Dean laughed with Bobby at that one, "But seriously, we'll cover it obviously. There's some more stuff I wanna show you, maybe you can help us out with it." He watched Castiel as he spoke; the joyful little brat was currently forcing Sam into hand-holding and spinning in circles. It was kinda funny to see Sam getting dizzy but Dean was more focused on what Bobby might say about the basement situation.

" _Can't ask me over the phone?"_

"It's really more of a 'show you' kind of thing."

" _If you say so. I'll give you a call when I'm stateside."_

"Thanks, see you soon Bobby." Dean hung up and sighed, it'd be nice to see Bobby again. As he contemplated how he'd show off their discovery to his father-figure, Castiel rushed to his side again. Dean prepared himself for another mouth licking but it didn't happen, Cas grabbed his hands and hopped up and down a few times instead. "Uh…" Dean didn't know what to say to the constant rambling he didn't understand coming from his new friend.

Cas showed no signs of frustration or worry he wasn't understood, he rushed around Dean in a few circles and hugged him from behind. Dean laughed a little and pat the rather strong hold around his abdomen, "You're welcome?"

While Dean was unsure if that was the correct response it turned out that it didn't matter too much. Castiel's wings moved a few times as practice and just before it happened Dean realized what Cas was up to. It was too late, of course, as Cas took off into the air.

"Oh my god!" Dean shrieked and flailed as he was instantly sure he was having a heart attack. He could hear Jet laughing and would've aimed vomit that bastard's way if he could, but it wasn't something he had control over.

"Don't worry Dean!" Sam sounded so distant but he still attempted to be calming, "He won't drop you, you'll be fine!" It didn't really work.

Dean wasn't even aware of how much he was screaming anymore, or if he'd even made a noise since he felt faint. The ground was too far below his feet and he could see the roof of the mansion. While the view was incredible from there he couldn't exactly enjoy it. "Put me down, Cas!" he cried, his fingers digging into the grip Castiel had on him.

He closed his eyes and tried to pretend he was somewhere else, that the breeze was just a regular wind and that he just frozen mid-jump or something. He wasn't flying. He wasn't flying.

In a few agonizing moments he felt something solid under his feet. "Holy shit," he gasped and collapsed onto it as soon as Castiel let go. The muscle around his eyes felt strained for how much he was suddenly using them.

"Dee?"

He paused; still trying to catch his breath he looked up and saw no one but Cas. "Hello?" he called breathlessly and realized he was on the flat roof part of the south wing. No one answered.

"Dee,"

Dean furrowed his brow and looked at Castiel, "Was that you?"

Cas tilted his head and reached over to touch Dean's, almost like he was checking for injuries. Dean noticed the marks on Cas' arms and felt a little bad. Not as bad as he would have if Cas hadn't just terrified him, but still pretty shitty all the same; it wasn't like Cas understood Dean was afraid of heights.

Castiel chirped some at him, like a conversation might go but it ended with "Dee."

"That was you," Dean lit up, "You're trying to talk, aren't you?" Cas didn't respond to that, his understanding was touch and go at times. That didn't stop Dean from latching on to that tiny little syllable, though. "You're trying to say Dean, right?"

"Dee," Cas attempted to mimic the sound again, still getting it wrong but convincing Dean all the same.

"You gotta show the other two," Dean got up and looked around, "How do we get down?" he feared the answer and hunted around for an alternative before it was ever vocalized.


	12. Chapter 12

Castiel grabbed onto Dean to take him down, the take off was still enough to make him want to purge his insides but he managed to keep it together. He was too excited to really fuss that much, he was still scared as hell but tried to push that adrenaline into his joy instead. They touched down near to the others and Dean waved at them enthusiastically.

"Hey guys!"

"Dean, dude, you okay?" Jet was still laughing at him but Dean couldn't care anymore.

"Yeah, yeah, guess what?!" He rushed up to them, stumbling a bit but ultimately keeping his balance. "Cas tried to talk! He actually tried to say my name!"

"Really?" Sam lit up just like Dean had, family trait probably. Jet looked a little more skeptical but that was pretty normal. "What'd he say?"

Dean looked at Cas and gestured wildly with his hands, "C'mon Cas, say Dean."

While he was a little concerned it'd be one of those 'One Froggy Evening' comedy moments, he was relieved when Cas piped in excitedly, "Dee!"

"Almost," Sam smiled, just as proud as Dean was. "Great job, Cas."

"You sure he's trying to say Dean?" Jet questioned, by his tone Dean could tell it was more of a farce than his face let on. "I mean it could be anything that starts like that. Maybe it's deer."

"Maybe it's December, does it matter? He's trying to talk." Dean insisted and finally coaxed a grin out of Jet.

"Yeah, you're right. I don't think he's heard any prominent words that start with 'dee' other than your name."

"Exactly, isn't that awesome?" Dean turned and hugged Cas spontaneously, a little gesture he was already starting to learn from Cas' behaviour. He couldn't exactly explain it if anyone had asked, that feeling of joy he got out of seeing Castiel do well was new to him.

"Exposure and experiencing old things must be getting to him, whatever MacLeod did might be reversible." Sam added thoughtfully, "It kinda makes me want to do some research, actually."

"You're the biggest nerd I know,"

Sam raised an eyebrow Jet's way but didn't really respond more than that. It served its purpose; Dean knew the signs when Jet felt like a bit of an idiot after one of his lines didn't work out. "Anyway," Sam continued, slowly taking his gaze away from Jet's unimpressed expression, "I think I'll pop into the basement for a bit."

"Speaking of, Bobby's coming and I wanted to get his opinion on that whole situation." Dean said as he ruffled Cas' hair. The action of course got the same reaction out of Castiel who enjoyed running his fingers through Dean's hair repeatedly. It was quite the feat for Dean to keep a straight face but he managed it. "I have no idea what his reaction's gonna be."

"My bet is it'll be a long silence before he just says 'okay.'" Jet offered his guess, a smirk on his lips as he watched Castiel's fun. "But even if he freaks out it'll only be for a little bit. My question is what kind of advice you think he's gonna give?"

Dean shook his head, he had no idea but he just needed to share the whole Cas thing with someone. Bobby gave the best advice and Dean really didn't know what to do. He wanted to help Cas, he wanted to get used to the whole new money thing but had no idea what to do with it, he wanted a lot of things that all seemed to come out of nowhere. "That's the point in asking him, maybe he's got something more to say than what we can think of."

"I doubt it, but while we're on the subject of the basement what about those other things down there? Cas was already starving and majority of those things are dead. The ones that are alive look pretty insane." Jet folded his arms over his chest and looked back and forth between the Winchesters with some concern on his face. "While we might find another Cas-type thing down there we could also find some horror movie level shit too."

Both Sam and Dean understood exactly what Jet was getting at. Dean was very aware of the possible horror movie scenarios and that was part of the reason he'd been so cautious of Cas in the first place. Sam, on the other hand, kept to his nerdy guns. "That's another reason I should go and look, research can tell us what we're dealing with."

"Assuming the old douche kept an accurate log of it."

"He was a scientist, or whoever set it up was anyway; they always keep proper logs."

"Whatever," Jet shrugged and walked over to Cas who was squatting next to Dean and plucking grass, "Hey buddy," He reached over and scratched at a wing to get Cas to look up, it worked in a way. Castiel gurgled in surprise and batted Jet playfully; his wing curved around and pushed Jet closer so he could toss the grass at him.

"He doesn't like you enough to say your name," Dean poked a little fun as Jet dusted the dirt off his legs.

"Dee's just easier to say," Jet said as he tried to communicate with Cas through gestures; he pointed toward the sky and nudged the wing again. "Whattaya say tough guy? Think you can give me a ride too?"

"Why would you want to fly?" Dean scrunched up his nose at just the thought of it.

"It'd be awesome to fly, dude. Just 'cause you're terrified of it doesn't mean I can't enjoy it."

"Jet," Sam had put on his warning tone, "Dean's more worried that it's dangerous, maybe-" he didn't get to finish that sentence before Cas caught on to what Jet wanted. He chirped excitedly, eager to get back into the air and grabbed onto Jet. His vertical take off was impressive, a real statement to how strong his wings really were to allow him to do that while also carrying a 6'3" man.

Jet's departing words were pretty hard to catch but Dean was certain it was something along the lines of 'Fuck yeah!'

Castiel soared into the air; Jet hanging off him and Dean felt his stomach roll into knots over the whole thing. He hated flying, he hated planes more but it kind of bled into the entire idea of flight. Castiel didn't have safety precautions or parachutes or anything if Jet fell, maybe Cas would have in mind to catch a falling person but what if he didn't? Dean couldn't imagine Jet crashing into the ground, he didn't want to. It made him feel sick.

"It's okay, Dean." Sam put a hand on his shoulder and gave a light squeeze. Dean appreciated it, though he wasn't sure what to say in return. Sam understood his anxiety about flying, Jet did too but wasn't as likely to let Dean live in his comfort zone.

"I trust Cas," he muttered, unsure if it was to Sam or for his own benefit. The two above were all over the place, Castiel relished in the opportunity to use his wings so much. By the living conditions he had previously it was apparent that he didn't get to stretch them all that often. The result of that reasoning made Dean even more anxious. What if Cas' wings gave out and both of them fell?

"Your breathing got a bit intense there, you okay?" Sam tried to offer a reassuring smile but Dean knew it was just because Sam couldn't guarantee anything would actually be fine.

"I'm good," he did his best to pretend for Sam's sake too, it was habit most of the time but Dean knew Sam didn't really fall for it. "I'll be fine. Let's sit down or something."

"Sure," Sam had no questions about sitting down in the grass with him, Dean focused on the grass for a way to calm himself down. He hadn't felt so anxious about it in a long time, flying wasn't something that came up very often. When Cas had picked him up Dean barely had enough time to understand what had happened or to recognize his own terror. To see his friend go up was a different story. He had all the time in the world to imagine the worst scenario ending.

It was possible Cas could lose strength, or he could hit something, or drop Jet for fun. But falling wasn't the only concern, what if someone saw them? A massive winged being in the sky, it was sure to get attention out their way. Even if not a lot of people were in the area and Cas would be far enough away from just about anyone to be mistaken for a regular bird, Dean could see it going wrong. He'd seen enough movies to know what would happen; the government would come in and take Castiel away. They'd cover up the whole thing and the three of them would be left with no home and only questions.

But what if Cas flew too high and ran out of oxygen? Or crashed into a plane and sent it spiraling down…

"Hey," Sam spoke up after an amount of time Dean wasn't sure of, "Did you want to come downstairs with me? I think I could use some help sorting through the files."

"Yeah," Dean didn't care what they were doing; he wanted to get his mind off of everything else. His limbs felt weak and he tried to keep the irregular breathing to himself, he was pretty sure Sam noticed though. As the brothers got up to leave a gust of wind blew over them and the airborne two dropped down in front of them.

"That was awesome!" Jet's hair was more wild than usual, his eyes bright with excitement. Dean was relieved to see him but his stomach still ached too much for him to enjoy the feeling. "Cas gets some crazy height, man."

"You're an asshole," Sam stated simply and continued walking to the front door, "Come on Dean, let's go."

"What?" Jet swung his arms out, "What'd I do?"

Dean shook his head, "It's fine man, don't worry about it."

Sam wasn't as forgiving, though. Dean saw his hands clench into fists and that little way his shoulders stiffened that offered more insight into his rage than Sam probably knew. "What'd you do?" Sam repeated angrily and turned such an intense glare on Jet that Dean hadn't seen since it was last aimed at him a few years back. "I think you know what you did, Jet."

Jet rolled his eyes and looked at Dean, "Did I really freak you out that badly?"

Dean wasn't sure how to answer but he didn't have to, Sam wasn't willing to let Jet pass the puck like that. "Asking him that isn't fair, you  _know_  he'll tell you what you want to hear!"

"You don't know that-"

"It's Dean! It's obvious he'd do that, he  _always_  does that!" Sam stormed up to Jet and stopped centimeters from his face, Jet didn't flinch even a little. "Do you have any sympathy at all?"

"I know what this is about but flying with Cas is a completely different thing."

"That's bullshit and you know it,"

Dean put a hand on either of their chests and pushed them back, "Okay, okay, would you guys quit it already? I'm fine, nothing happened, just stop."

Sam's expression was pulled tight in a snarling sort of way that told Dean the fight wasn't over yet. However, to his surprise Sam turned around and walked back to the house in his silent rage. Castiel followed him and took his hand, it stopped Sam in his tracks and he looked at Cas with eased anger. Cas fluttered his wings and made the same motion Jet had toward the sky.

"He wants to take Sam for a ride too," Jet laughed bitterly, he didn't feel the need to predict the outcome out loud because it was fairly obvious that Sam couldn't accept the offer after what just happened. Dean didn't think Sam would, though. It wasn't because it'd be hypocritical or anything, that didn't stop Sam in other areas.

As expected Sam shook his head and Cas was left standing there as he departed into the mansion. Castiel turned around and ran up to Dean again, his expression changed the closer he got and he stopped before making contact. "Dee?" His wings lowered and he inched over with the most worried look Dean had seen on him.

"Hey Cas," he smiled and reached to touch Cas' head but the winged boy rushed in close the moment his arms opened up. Castiel snuggled right into the hug and fitted himself against Dean like the perfect little puzzle piece. "I'm okay," he whispered against Cas' ear as he wrapped his arms around Cas' shoulders.

Jet cursed under his breath and kicked the ground a few times, "Alright, alright, I'm fuckin' sorry, okay? I wasn't trying to freak you out."

"I know," Dean didn't look up from where he'd dropped his head against Cas who hadn't shown any intention of letting go just yet. "I wasn't ready for all of that, it's not your fault."

"Yeah well Sam's not going to see it that way for a while," Jet headed for the door too, Dean heard him curse a bit more in the distance as he disappeared.

"Bit of a rough day," he told Cas who whined softly in return.


	13. Chapter 13

It was late, Sam stayed in the basement for most of the evening, Dean didn't see Jet at all so he spent his time hanging out with Cas. He couldn't wait for the Internet to be hooked up, hell he had half a mind to go home and pick up some DVD's and the player so he could do  _something_  with his time. Cas was entertaining and all but he wouldn't mind seeing some old favourites. He wouldn't mind seeing Cas' reaction to a movie either; it'd probably be hilarious.

The two of them were in Dean's room, sprawled out on the bed as he debated with to do with his time other than playing cell phone games. He was pretty good at Angry Birds but it was getting boring, the novelty wore off long ago.

Cas was curled up beside him/partially in his lap, wings folded and spread behind him on the bed, taking up most of it. Dean didn't mind though, he had one hand resting on Cas' shoulder while the other supported his phone; he was pretty comfortable. The mansion was quiet and he wasn't used to not hearing the sound of a city outside anymore, he remembered it when at Bobby's and having that same quiet made him feel more at home. Sure, the room he was in now was far bigger and extravagant but he could make due with that.

As Dean was settling to fall asleep again he could hear voices distantly in the building. He didn't think much of it, though it had Castiel sitting up at attention. "It's okay Cas, they're probably fighting again."

Cas chittered at him in response and hopped out of bed, sneaking out of the room and down the hall. Dean wasn't sure what impressed him more, the fact that Cas had a stealth mode or that he'd figured out doorknobs. Dean climbed out of bed and crept after him, leaving Cas unattended too long was probably a bad decision.

They came to the living room area and heard Sam and Jet talking in that hushed yelling way you would when trying to not wake anyone up but still be intense.

"I don't care if Dean said it was okay, you know anything about flight freaks him out. You didn't see him like I did, okay? He completely spaced out for your twenty minute fly-about."

"I already told him I was sorry, what do you want from me?"

"I want you to know  _why_  you should be sorry! Just saying it doesn't teach you anything if you don't think about it! Our parents died while on a flight, ever since then Dean's been-"

"I know, okay?"

" _Do you?_  Because I didn't see any signs of that registering with you today. Dean doesn't take  _conversations_  about flying very well; forget about someone he cares about ever doing it. He was gonna have a hard enough time getting over the fact that  _he_  did it, you had to jump on that whole thing and volunteer too? What is wrong with you?"

"Everything," Jet's exasperation combined with a more flippant response, Dean could hear him getting fed up. Sam's responding groan was pure frustration.

Cas moved to open the door but Dean caught his arm and pulled him back, the last thing they wanted was to get involved in the whole thing. Dean knew how he was about flying, he knew the kinds of reactions it brought up in him and usually he could keep it together. Too much happened in a short amount of time, he just wasn't ready. That's at least what he kept telling himself anyway. He hated worrying Sam but apparently his brother was more perceptive than he gave him credit for.

"You're impossible," Sam finally said defeated.

"Is that so? Awesome, this conversation over yet?"

"Yeah, sure." Sam had given up and silence followed, Dean was ready to see whoever exited the room first but several moments passed and neither appeared.

"Sam," Jet's tone had lost its edge, it had that sincerity Dean recognized to mean Jet was about to get real. "I'm sorry."

"You don't know what you're sorry for." Dean imagined Sam wasn't looking at Jet but didn't dare open the door to find out.

"Yeah I do, I'm sorry because I didn't think about how you'd feel with all of that. I knew Dean would freak out but it's something he needs to face. I know he's thick skinned and can be pretty dense, he has no idea what we see him doing because he doesn't know he's doing it. The way he looks at Cas is different, you and I both know where this is going." There was a pause and the sound of footsteps, Jet walking closer to Sam in all probability. "If Dean's going to be around Cas he's gonna have to get used to the fact that Cas can fly; I was going for the whole 'immersion therapy' approach."

"You just wanted to fly." Sam pointed out; it was less bitter but still not as vicious as it was before.

"That too, but if that was the only thing then I wouldn't have done it. My point is I'm sorry I scared Dean because it scared you too, I didn't think about that and I feel shitty for putting you through it."

There was more silence that ate at Dean's inner 'I love soap operas' brain functions but he managed to keep himself still. There was some softer mumbling that happened and he didn't catch it. Dean knew about his infatuation with Cas but he didn't think of it the way Jet had mentioned. He tried to think of it more as a curiosity about such a strange situation he'd found himself in. Cas wasn't exactly a normal discovery, what was wrong with enjoying figuring out what made him tick?

Speaking of Cas, Dean realized he'd been holding the poor thing down since he'd tried opening the door. A smile wasn't enough to quell the growing growl in Cas' through, so with a sigh he let go of his captive who immediately swung the door open with his regained freedom as a sort of spite toward Dean.

"Holy shit," Jet laughed at his own startling, "Goddamn it Cas, you have the worst timing."

Castiel chirped at him and thwacked him with a wing for good measure, Dean really wished he knew what Cas had said.

Sam's face was a bit red, Dean wasn't sure if it was from rage, embarrassment or something else since he'd missed the last part of the conversation but he couldn't just let it go. "What's with the blushing there, Sammy?" He grinned the most annoying older brother smile he could manage. The last thing he wanted was for Sam to linger on that worry about him; so what's the best way out? Bug the hell out of Sam until the worry is nothing but annoyance. "I figured you guys were having a conversation but I thought it might be more rage inducing."

"You missed the rage," Sam grumbled and walked past him out the door, "I'm going to bed."

"Wait, wait," Dean caught his arm, "Did you find anything out about Cas?"

"I did, actually." Sam pulled away and looked over at Cas sadly, "It took a while to get through some of the first files though, did you want to come down and see? I haven't looked much into him yet."

"It's like two in the morning," Jet put a hand on both their shoulders, "How about we check it after we sleep a bit?"

"I have school tomorrow," Sam rubbed his eyes tiredly. Dean had a hunch Sam might skip it but there were only a few more months left before he could graduate with honours. Dean didn't intend to let Sam miss that opportunity; if he did Bobby would skin him alive.

"Yeah, you should get some sleep Sammy. Let Jet and I handle the moving crews and Internet installation tomorrow."

Sam raised an eyebrow at them, "So you only want to know about Cas tomorrow?"

Dean wasn't sure how to say 'it's eating me alive and I need to know right now' without sounding exactly the way Jet had described him. He wasn't lovesick for Cas; Cas couldn't even talk yet! It'd be disturbing if nothing else, he'd feel like a creep. "He'll still be here and as much a mystery tomorrow afternoon, don't worry about it."

"But  _I_  want to know!" Sam barely managed to say before yawning.

"Uh-huh," Jet put an arm around Sam's shoulders and led him to the stairs, "While that all-consuming curiosity of yours is really convincing and everything, I still insist you go to bed."

"Don't get too rowdy, you two." Dean called after them, which only resulted in Sam pushing Jet off the stairs. Dean snorted in his attempts to stop a laugh, it failed gloriously as Jet dramatically dropped onto his back and remained splayed out on the floor. "Good night Sam," Dean managed to say as his brother disappeared onto the second floor.

Cas hopped over and leaned above Jet's face to inspect the damage. Jet stayed still and kept his eyes closed, letting Cas fret about his possible health issues. Castiel didn't seem all that concerned though, he poked at Jet's cheek a few times and attempted to open his eye manually. Jet rolled his head away and blinked rapidly to readjust his vision, "Damn it Cas, I'm fine."

"So why're you still up?" Dean walked to his side and looked down in amusement. "Had to bug Sam for a few more seconds?"

"I was chilling on the couch when he came up from the basement, he just happened to stop and get mad at me again." Jet shrugged and pulled himself up to his feet, "Heard most of it, I imagine?"

"Yeah."

"Any thoughts?"

Dean had plenty but he wasn't sure which ones to share. "Well… I guess I gotta ask about how chummy you guys are getting, anything going on there I should know about?"

Jet shook his head, "Nah," it was a quick and easy response, which only made Dean question it all the more. Jet was the best liar he knew, if it felt like he was telling the truth he probably wasn't. "I know what you're thinking about and no, I'm not lying. Nothing's happening there, dude."

Dean raised an eyebrow at the tone Jet just used, "But  _you_  want it to, don't you?"

He watched how Jet's posture stiffened and the little twitch of his brow gave away pretty much everything. It wasn't like Jet to be so obvious; his crush must've been pretty serious. "I had no idea you liked Sam-"

"It isn't like that, shut up." Jet marched up the stairs to his room, leaving Dean and Cas alone again.

"Wow," Dean looked at Castiel with a smirk on his lips, "Sam turned him down."

"I fucking heard that, asshole!" Jet shouted from above and Dean shrugged.

"Yet you failed to deny it."

"Fuck off!"

Dean waited for the echoing door slam that came several moments after. "Yep. Definitely got shut down, poor guy." Cas of course didn't understand but he cooed a reply anyway. As they climbed up to their room again Dean wondered about it less humourously. He really had no idea Jet liked Sam, when it might've started or when Jet would've asked Sam out. Neither of them mentioned it to him, he was curious why but maybe it was obvious. He was Sam's older brother; therefore Jet wouldn't want to tell him for fear of being put under scrutiny. Or maybe he felt Dean would laugh at him and bug him endlessly. Sam wouldn't tell him every time someone asked him out so that made sense, but Jet told him everything. Well, Dean thought so anyway.

He dropped into bed again and Castiel crawled on top of him, snuggling close and sighing once he was comfortable. Dean hadn't been around Cas long but he really enjoyed having him around. Castiel was so expressive it was hard not to like him. Sleep eventually greeted Dean and he dozed off peacefully.

* * *

He opened his eyes to complete darkness, a strange sound buzzing nearby. Dean attempted to speak but all he heard was a disgruntled moan in his throat. It didn't sound like his voice, either.

Dean knew immediately where he was, that nightmare was back and picking up where he'd left it. He remembered what Jet said but he didn't want to experience the same thing. His heart rate increased as he realized he couldn't move, his entire body felt numb and hollow. He knew the sound to be that saw he'd heard the first time, buzzing and undoubtedly cutting him. His stomach turned as he felt the dull movement of his neck, his head was jostled about but he couldn't tell which direction.

Something pricked inside his head, an itchy, tingling feeling that only went deeper the longer it stayed. He was certain it hurt but he couldn't register the pain. It didn't feel like a normal headache.

" _He's in my head… oh god he's in my head!"_

That was Castiel's voice, loud and clear ringing in Dean's ears. He hadn't spoken; it was like hearing a thought. Dean wished he could see, see Castiel and tell him it'd be okay, tell him he'd live through it and that help was coming. But he couldn't do that. Even if he'd manage to meet Castiel internally he'd never be able to help with that kind of information.

" _Stop! STOP! Please let me go!"_

Dean's chest tightened and pressure built behind his eyes, it wasn't exactly his body but he felt it all the same. His hands wouldn't move, desperation grew and his heart felt like it'd burst from his chest. Cas tried to scream but a soft moan escaped instead.

"Shh, Castiel. It'll be done soon." MacLeod said, Dean felt nauseous.

" _Help me, please help me."_

Castiel's thoughts were repeating, every little variation came with more desperation and anxiety. He pleaded with MacLeod to let him go, with God to save him, with himself to just pass out and stop the experience. His thoughts could almost become a real image, he mentioned names Dean couldn't understand but he did get one; Michael. Michael was Castiel's brother. It was a name Jet couldn't quite grasp when he felt the same thing the night before. Dean wished he knew a last name. Michael what?

Dean could feel how hollow his head was, something was disconnected and cold. He wasn't sure how numbness worked but that dullness didn't feel like pain, though he was certain it should've. Dean screamed to just wake up and he didn't know if it was him or Castiel that wanted it more.

He was conscious enough throughout the procedure he started to feel again by its end. His head throbbed, he had no idea what was happening but it was causing so much pressure on his skull or on his brain, he wasn't sure which. Castiel's mental plead had dissolved into quieter repetitious whimpers, some of which managed to reach his tongue in garbled sentences. Dean's heart broke when he heard them.  _'Please keep talking, Cas. Don't lose that. Please don't lose that.'_  He thought desperately but he knew it wouldn't change a damn thing.

And then it was over. He opened his eyes to see a somewhat familiar room and felt a heavy kind of warmth on his chest. "Cas?" He asked worriedly and heard a purred squeak as the weight lifted.

Castiel peered over Dean, tired eyes blinking slowly in the daylight. His hair was a bed-head mess, lips parted slightly as he stared at Dean for some kind of clarification.

Dean breathed a sigh of relief and touched the side of Cas' face, "Sorry I woke you up," Cas pushed against Dean's hand affectionately and then dropped his head back onto Dean's chest. It wasn't a gentle landing but Dean didn't complain, he rested his hand in Cas' hair and stared at the ceiling.


	14. Chapter 14

Dean took Cas downstairs, leading him by the hand and not wanting to let go for even a second. He could hear Cas' voice in his head still even after being awake for nearly two hours. It wouldn't leave him alone; he couldn't forget the sound of it, but worse than that he couldn't get over the feeling. Castiel's emotions bled through him, it felt like mental poison and made him feel so helpless. But he knew those feelings weren't originally his, they belonged to Cas and because of that he couldn't bring himself to let go just yet.

Cas didn't seem to mind the tether, he trotting along behind Dean, catching up to his side every now and then before dropping back again. His curiosity in the surroundings still hadn't died down, he tried to pause and stare at things but Dean didn't slow pace.

The building felt so big, but not in a welcoming or exciting way. Dean stopped in the main entrance and looked up at the landings; he couldn't hear anything resembling life. There weren't any echoes, or clanging, or even groans of the building itself. It was still and almost felt cold. He sighed and looked back at Cas who stared up to where Dean's gaze had been. "I'm having a hard time feeling at home here," he admitted to his winged friend. Castiel looked at him but said nothing, not even a little peep. Instead he smiled, just a gentle little pull of the muscle that made his face brighten in a way Dean couldn't describe. It felt warmer, like the thing that the mansion was missing was just Castiel's smile. Dean felt that maybe that was true, maybe just having Cas with him was enough to make it feel like home.

He led Cas to the sitting room where he found Jet again, propped up on the couch with long legs tucked against his chest. At first Dean was concerned but he heard the soft, rhythmic sound of Jet's breathing and knew he was probably asleep. While Dean would've resigned to let him rest and just go to make breakfast, Cas didn't have the same idea.

Castiel let go of Dean's hand and speedily crossed the floor to Jet's side and hopped onto the couch. Squatting there he pushed lightly at Jet's shoulder, it did nothing to wake their friend. Dean motioned for Cas to come back to him but it didn't work, Cas looked up at Dean with wildly bright eyes and squawked once. He turned back to Jet and shook him harshly by the shoulders.

"Cas!" Dean recoiled at the scene and ran over to stop Castiel before anything dramatic happened. He forced Castiel's grip off of Jet, noting that there still wasn't a sound from his friend at all. He looked at Jet again and found that his eyes were wide open, blankly staring straight ahead. Dean's stomach tightened and he touched Jet's face lightly, "Hey, are you okay?"

Another sharp cry from Cas made Dean jump, he felt nervous and sick and neither feeling helped the other calm down. He hesitated to do anything, he couldn't move and the longer he stayed still the worse he felt. Why wasn't Jet moving? Why were his eyes open like that? Before Dean could gather himself Castiel shoved him aside, right off the couch and sprawling on the floor. Cas grabbed onto Jet again and shook him harder, only stopping every once in a while to smack him in the face.

Dean slowly sat up, unsure of what to do or what was going on. The room was washed in a vibrant blue light, everything was stained with it and started to make Dean's eyes hurt. Castiel paused after several moments passed and placed his hands on either side of Jet's head. He closed Jet's eyes with his thumbs and held still, his face twisted in a terrified determination. Dean didn't imagine his own face looked much different.

And then Jet screamed. He thrashed back to life and threw Castiel off and into the nearest wall.

Cas yipped on impact but recovered quickly, scuttling across the floor and tucking himself behind Dean. "Jet?" Dean gasped with wide eyes and a worried expression.

Jet stood on the couch in the same position after he'd tossed Cas aside, his breathing was rapid and his eyes wild. He lifted his hands to his head and felt around as if looking for something; he didn't say anything for a few seconds.

"What happened?" Dean moved closer, unsure of anything that was going on anymore.

Jet dropped forward onto his knees, he wasn't perfectly aligned with the couch so he fell onto the floor and curled up there. Dean watched him as he clung to his head and became as small as Dean had ever seen him try to be.

"Jet?" Dean put a hand on his shoulder, which only resulted in Jet grabbing onto him tightly and squeezing with a shaky limb. Dean held his position, he didn't take his hand off of Jet and he didn't try to pull away. Whatever it was he needed to wait until it passed before Jet would talk to him.

And that took over an hour. Jet's grip had slowly loosened over the time until it just rested on Dean's arm. His breathing had gone from sharp, almost painful gasps to stuttering sighs; it was a change Dean could deal with. Castiel sat with them as well, perched on the couch with his wings spread defensively and looking around for any further dangers.

"It was horrible," Jet whispered after the lengthy silence, his voice was choppy at best. He slowly lifted his head, his eyes were red and puffy and Dean had no idea if that was from keeping them open for an undisclosed amount of time or from crying.

"Are you okay?" he didn't know what had happened but finding out Jet's health status seemed far more important. "Do you need anything? I can get some water or-"

"No, no, no don't go." Jet's hand tightened on his arm, "I'm alright. I'm okay; I just need to take a second." Jet started to sit up and Dean helped him, carefully they got him upright and leaning against the couch. Jet ran his hand through his hair, his face was drained and sweat had matted his hair into alternate shapes than normal.

Dean sat and waited as long as Jet needed, still afraid of what the hell he'd just seen but unable to put words to it. He ran his hand down his face and attempted to relax himself, "Any idea what that was?"

"I don't know… I mean I know what I saw but I don't know what's happening." Jet looked up at Cas who was situated right above him, the angel-esque boy chittered softly and nuzzled Jet's cheek.

"I thought you were sleeping but your eyes were wide open, Cas shook you but you didn't wake up… I was really freaked out," he wanted to say more but he couldn't find a way to do it. He was terrified he'd lost his best friend, that something had taken him away.

"I was sleeping," Jet spoke up again while Dean's mind was in a whirlwind of thought. "I was in that dream again, except it just wouldn't end. I woke up in a cage, I couldn't move but I know the sedatives wore off." He carefully placed his hand on his head again, "It hurt so fucking bad, man. I was just stuck there on the floor the whole time," tears welled up in his eyes and Dean saw his chest shudder in another gasp.

"You're safe now," he said softly, knowing that it wasn't going to be enough. He could still feel Cas' presence in his head and his dream was hours behind Jet's. He couldn't imagine what kind of trauma Jet experienced through Cas, he didn't want to ever know but part of him knew it'd happen when he went to sleep next.

Jet looked up at him tiredly, "Why am I in the living room? Did you guys bring me here?"

Dean shook his head, "No, we walked in and you were sitting on the couch…" he furrowed his brow a little, "you don't remember coming here?"

Jet shook his head, "No, I was in bed…"

"Sleep walking, probably." Sam spoke up and scared the living daylights out of both of them. Dean looked up and saw his brother looked just as tired as he felt. "I thought I heard him walking this morning, I didn't bother getting up though."

"Aren't you supposed to be at school?" Dean questioned and got a shrug in response.

"Yeah, but after the hellish night I just had I figured it'd be better not to go." Sam approached the couch and climbed over it, slumping next to Cas. Castiel cooed a simple greeting and Sam smiled at him for it before looking down at the two in front of him, "Jet, your nightmares are ahead of ours, aren't they?"

Jet shrugged and glanced back at the younger Winchester, "I guess so; did you guys have them last night too?"

Dean nodded, "Sure did, I was going through the brain surgery part you told me about yesterday, loads of good times." Sam didn't say anything but the little tilt of his head said yes.

"Why are we living this?" Jet asked angrily, mostly frustration fueled though Dean was sure something else upset him. Like having been in a weird state of sleep walking in a nightmare, for example. "It doesn't make any fucking sense!"

"It's definitely got something to do with being around Cas," Sam muttered just before yawning, he dropped his head back against the couch and sighed heavily, "I should go read his file now that I found it…"

"Gave up on high school?" Dean prodded and Sam glared at him for it.

"No, but I'd like to know why I'm having nightmares."

"Touché,"

Jet rubbed his eyes and pulled himself to his feet, "Okay, since we're staying home then would someone mind getting me some eye drops?"

"You got it," Dean pat him on the shoulder, "Take care of Cas 'til I get back, okay?"

"Sure thing," Sam gave a short wave, "He's pretty well behaved most of the time anyway."

"For now," Dean walked over and rubbed Cas on the head, "give 'em hell, Cas."

"We kinda already experienced some of his hell, can we not today?" Jet asked loudly as he wandered out of the room. Dean could already hear his humour returning, it was a relieving sign at the very least. He didn't completely understand what had happened or what Jet experienced, he didn't know when he'd see it for himself, but he felt like it'd gone better than it could have.

He questioned how Castiel could connect his past to their dreams; he didn't get the science that went into making Cas what he was, and he definitely didn't know if Cas understood him or not. To Dean the entire thing felt surreal in new ways every day. Riches he never imagined, a mansion, a creepy basement, and human experiments with unexplained powers? Yeah, he was open to the idea that he'd lost his mind one day and the rest was all in his head.

* * *

 

Sam sat quietly next to Cas on the couch for a few minutes, he was grateful that he hadn't seen whatever happened to Jet. It didn't sound comfortable and Dean looked pretty freaked out, he was curious of course but that didn't mean he was ready for the answer. What Jet experienced in the nightmares was coming for him soon enough, Sam was sure of that.

"Jet?" he called after a while, he knew the last time they'd spoken they were fighting but he was still worried. Jet was his friend too, hearing he'd had some nightmarish torture wasn't a fun thought. "Are you there?"

A few moments passed before Jet walked back into the room, a glass of water in his hand. "Yeah, what's up?"

"Nothing, just wondering if you're okay,"

Jet hummed as he tipped the glass back, he sat down on the couch with Sam and Cas and looked at the cup quietly for a few seconds. "I guess I am, it's kinda hard to say."

"Because the stuff you're experiencing isn't actually happening to you?"

"Yeah, exactly." Jet looked at Castiel who had calmed down since Jet had gotten back to normal, he was picking at feathers in his wings. "Cas went through it, we feel what he felt but we can wake up from it. I feel like shit but I don't know if it's fair to complain or say I'm not okay, you know what I mean?"

"I do, and I think it's fair. Just because someone else has it worse doesn't mean your suffering doesn't matter." Sam folded his arms and leaned back, he glanced at Jet again and looked him over, "I mean, when we were little did you think like that too?"

"Well in our case I had no idea who had it worse, so I didn't have that problem. Did you?"

Sam smiled and shook his head, "No, not really. I felt like we were all on the same page." He thought he'd miss that feeling but it never seemed to go away, he was grateful that the three of them were consistently on the same level to some extent. Sure, Sam was book smart and clever but in their own way, not involving classrooms, so were Dean and Jet. Neither Sam nor Jet could ever fix a car like Dean, and Jet's social skills were far beyond the Winchesters. He felt like they belonged together somehow; a family of their choosing.

Granted it got complicated every now and then, Sam could count the moments that stood out to him; Jet randomly getting rich was a big one.

"So…" Jet started and trailed off, Sam kinda knew where he was going but chose not to bring it up himself. Instead he let Jet change his mind and say something else, "About Cas' file and junk, did you learn anything last night?"

"I went through a lot of files, those computers are kinda complicated. I know there were a bunch of different experiments going on at once, hybrid animals, cloning, putting the brain of one type of animal in the body of another, and so on. There was more but I haven't read it yet."

"Figure Cas was the 'human slash animal hybrid' project?"

Sam shrugged, "I don't really know yet, but I did figure out his full name; Castiel Dimitri Novak."

Jet raised an eyebrow, "And you didn't tell Dean that right away because…?"

"It was 2am and that was all I had, telling Dean that much without anything else wouldn't accomplish anything. I figured I'd show him when we go down there later." Sam looked over to watch Castiel clean his feathers, how quietly peaceful he seemed. Castiel couldn't be peaceful, though, Sam knew better than that. He knew that whatever made Cas the way he was had been violent and horrific. He only caught a glimpse of Cas' mind and what happened, he felt intense emotions and pain he never imagined and knew it wasn't just a dream. That experience was a reality for Cas, and those files would show more than Castiel could have ever been aware of. "I'm not sure how much of this I really want to know…" he admitted quietly.

"I know what you mean," Jet had waited patiently for Sam to sort through his thoughts; it wasn't a common occurrence. "But we can look for him now, I mean, when the internet's hooked up."

"I'm a little scared to see him as a normal person, it makes this whole thing so much more real…"

"Hey," Jet smiled reassuringly, "it might make Cas' situation more real to us, but that's not all bad. Yeah, it's gonna be intense, but I don't think seeing him as a normal guy will change much."

Sam couldn't help but let Jet's smile get to him, he felt a little relieved to see it. "Thanks, sorry I was such a brat yesterday."

"Nah it's fine," Jet waved him off, "don't apologize, I was being an asshole."

"You said it, not me."

"You did say it, but you were right."

"Alright, just as long as we agree on that." Sam said playfully.

Jet chuckled and nudged Sam's leg, "Sure, why not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to say again that I really appreciate you guys reading this, even the ones that don't say anything to me. You've all been so awesome and I love writing for you. I hope things are going well on your ends and I'll try to update quickly so we're not waiting too long :)


	15. Chapter 15

"It's been a couple days since Dean got outta here, I have a feeling he's not coming back terribly soon." Sam speculated aloud, it'd been a good hour since his brother left the mansion. In that amount of time Castiel had gotten through one of his wings and was working on the other, he didn't seem to be too concerned about Dean just yet.

"I know, makes me want to go downstairs and check Cas' history while he's gone." Jet grumbled from his slumped position on their second couch, Sam knew he wouldn't dare do it without Dean though.

As the two slouched about they heard the loud knock of their door, Sam glanced up warily and noted that Jet made no move to get it. "Who would that be?" Sam muttered as he stood up, he was nowhere near as fast as Castiel though. The winged man whisked away to the door before either of them could say boo about it.

"I think I should care more about them seeing Cas than I do right now, huh?" Jet mused and Sam shot an unamused glance.

Sam ran down the hall toward the door, "I'll be right there!" he called just before grabbing onto Cas and dragging him to a nearby room. Castiel of course didn't take kindly to it but he didn't fight, instead he squawked angrily and growled once Sam put him down. "Sorry, just sit here for a second, okay?" Cas snorted at him but Sam closed the door anyway. As he turned around he heard the door click behind him and alarms went off in his head, when the hell had Cas learned to open doors!?

He spun back around and caught Cas again before he could slip away, the sound of the main door opening nearby. "Hey, great timing," Jet said in a surprisingly chipper way. "C'mon in, I'll show you where we want it all set up."

Sam sighed in relief and tried to pull Cas into the room with him. "Sorry," he said again and stood by the door like a guard. "The world isn't ready for your story yet."

Castiel mimicked a familiar Dean-like dramatic sigh and dropped onto the floor, going back to his unfinished wing. Sam slid down the door and sat with him, knees tucked close to his chest and a great place to rest his arms. "Castiel Novak," he repeated softly, watching how Cas' eyes lifted to look at him briefly before dropping back to his feathers. "I wonder who you were," Sam fished for his phone and brought up Facebook, decidedly using his data plan instead of wi-fi. He stared at the search option at the top of the app for nearly a minute, his mind circling around in so many directions and falling on the same question; should he look for Castiel?

Curiosity had always been a part of Sam's personality and he couldn't fight it now either, he typed in Cas' name and hit search. It didn't take long for him to see a familiar blue-eyed face; it was a decently taken picture of Cas peeking over a set of sunglasses, a confident smirk on his face. Just the idea that it was a real photo tightened Sam's chest and left a pit in his stomach. He looked up at the fluttering wings of a muted stranger and tried his hardest not to connect the two.

"That's you," he inevitably said as he moved the phone closer to Castiel, "See?"

Cas looked closer, blinking at the little box for a few seconds before he snatched it out of Sam's hands. He turned it over a few times and then looked back at the now dark screen, a soft squeak escaped him as he looked it over again. His gaze darted up to Sam and he tapped the phone a few times with a few chittering noises.

"Looking for the guy inside?" Sam asked with a smile he fought to keep more joyful than sad. He lifted his hand and Cas placed the phone back, watching carefully as Sam pressed the button on the side and lit up the screen again. "There," Sam said and showed him the picture again, "do you remember him?"

Of course Castiel didn't answer but he was fixated on the image; Sam wasn't sure if it was because Cas hadn't seen that kind of picture before or if he was trying to remember his own face. Either way it was nice to have him distracted while Jet was dealing with the Internet guy.

Sam didn't realize what Cas was up to while he played around with the phone, he didn't think Cas could really operate it. He was, however, proven wrong when Castiel handed the phone back and it was on Sam's profile instead among a few of his older pictures. Castiel gurgled with a questioning tone and tapped one of Sam's photos he'd taken with Jet and Dean. It was from the previous summer; Sam was in the middle with Jet leaning really close on one side and Dean was peering up from the bottom of the frame as the one taking the picture. It was a good time; he remembered they were at the exhibition park that had travelled to town for the month.

Though Sam would've spent some more time reminiscing Castiel wouldn't give him that time, Cas tapped at Dean's face and made a short whining sound. "Dean's gonna be right back," Sam tried to reassure him, "He just went out for a bit."

Cas stared at him for a bit and Sam knew it wasn't quite enough, so he went to Dean's page and looked into the videos he'd uploaded. "Here, maybe this'll help." He said softly as he chose a random video and turned his phone over to Castiel again.

At first it was just the sound of crunching leaves, the camera angled down at biker boots walking through a grassy field.  _"Fucking love autumn,"_  Dean said and Castiel lit up immediately.

"Dee!" He cried excitedly and nestled down in comfort with the phone like it was a tiny Dean. The video continued;

_Dean panned the camera up to a massive pile of raked leaves and approached it with increasing speed. He jumped right in, kicking it in all directions and watching how the wind stole and swirled it all over. Dean laughed and distantly a very sharp "HEY" echoed. The camera swung around to see Sam and Jet standing a little ways off with angry expressions._

" _You motherfucker, we just raked that shit!" Jet cursed him out._

" _If you're not going to help then at least stay out of our way!" Sam shouted, just as pissed as Jet._

_The video ended with Dean's laughter escalating._

Cas made a trilling sort of sound as the screen went dark. He looked up at Sam who smiled and found another random video to play. He remembered that last one was from the year before, he'd gotten Jet to agree to help him with the yard work but Dean refused to do it. He knew that Jet hadn't actually wanted to do it, and he kinda knew why he said yes.

The next video was more  _of_  Dean than from Dean.

" _C'mon man, lemme see!"_   _Jet had said, the camera holder this time around. Dean sighed heavily and walked into view, a 16-year-old kid wearing a hand-me-down tux. His hair was combed and parted, gelled down and just amazingly dorky. "You look stunning."_

"Dee…" Cas whispered softly the second he saw him.

" _I know you're just trying to be a dick." Dean grumbled._

" _Pssh, me? Never." Jet chuckled._

" _You look so uncomfortable…" Sam's voice came from elsewhere in the room and only made Dean scowl in his direction. "What? You do."_

" _I hate this stupid thing," Dean's face started to flush red as he pulled on the ends of his jacket._

" _Well yeah, it's your dad's." Jet offered unhelpfully._

" _No, it was Bobby's." Dean corrected quietly._

" _That's what I said." Jet's comment brought a lighter look to Dean's expression and he couldn't help but smile at the thought._

" _Thanks man," he curled his fingers through his slicked down hair shyly._

" _No problem."_

Sam was enjoying watching Castiel's reaction to the videos, though he'd be lying if he said he wasn't enjoying them on his own. He hadn't revisited them in a long time; in fact he generally didn't make a habit of looking back. Before they'd met Jet neither Winchester liked to film anything, Bobby didn't like to be recorded much and really they hadn't thought about it. Jet was the one who introduced the concept to them, he loved to make videos to remember and watch later in life. Sam still wasn't sure why, he never bothered to ask.

"Sam?"

"Hm?" he looked to the unfamiliar voice saying his name and realized after a brief second of confusion that it was Cas who'd said it. "Oh! You said my name!" he couldn't explain the jolt of excitement that shot through him. He smiled brightly as he addressed Cas' concerns, "What is it, Cas?"

Castiel touched the phone again, "Dee?"

Sam considered the idea of teaching Cas to say Dean's name properly but decided quickly that he kinda liked the silly nickname, even if it was an accident. "Want to see more of him?" he asked instead and Castiel nodded.

' _He understood me…'_  Sam thought with some surprise, wondering intensely how Cas' mind worked. He wished he could ask but Cas had no way of properly conveying the answer because Sam couldn't follow it. As his mind worked a mile a minute he picked another randomly titled video.

_A slightly higher view from behind Dean, following him through a crowded hall of teens the camera jostled in unsteady hands._

" _Alright, you ready?" Dean looked over his shoulder with a grin, his hair was getting a little too long and a cut couldn't have been too far in his future._

" _You know I am," Jet responded, the smile almost audible in his words._

_Dean turned back toward the crowded hallway and Jet fell back a little, revealing an old boombox stereo in Dean's hand. He hit play and put it down against the wall, ACDC poured out with Back in Black filling the halls. People slowed down and looked to see what the hell was going on._

Sam remembered moments like those, where Dean decided to cut loose and let Jet plan something for him to do. Dean was one of the cute boys at school, he was considered pretty cool but some of his interests were often regarded as too old school, especially his music taste. Jet came up with ways to prove Dean's relevance or that the older things weren't necessarily outdated. Sam remembered Jet showing Dean the choreography for the video; it was funny to him because he knew how frustrated Dean had been behind the scenes. But that didn't show in the vid, no one else saw him throwing a fit because the whole thing was too complicated. Sam always had preferred when Jet was the one in the spotlight, but he kept that to himself.

_Dean's performance came with a classic costume-like outfit from the times and he drew people in. A circle had formed around him, some sang along with the stereo while others grooved along with him. He took the hand of a girl in the crowd and spun her around, performing for just her._

Her name was Lisa, Sam remembered her pretty well. Dean used to have an obsession though it didn't exactly work out in his favour.

He noticed Castiel chatting softly to the tune though it wasn't in any language that had been recorded. It was nice to see him enjoying the experience; Sam made a mental note to show Cas more videos in the future.

_Dean's little show ended with some classic air-guitar skills and cheers from the other students. While trying to bask in the newfound praise Jet made a confused sound and turned the camera to see an older looking man with a deeply creased frown. "Oh, hey, how's it going?" Jet attempted to make conversation but the phone was taken from his hand with the cut off sound of Jet protesting._

Sam laughed after the clip ended, "They got detention for that," Cas didn't know what that meant but he was still smiling.

"Yo," the door swung open and Jet stood leaning against the frame, "Internet's all hooked up, Cas is free to go."

"Oh," Sam looked at Cas who didn't move from his spot, watching Sam with a look that suggested he wanted to spend more time watching videos. "We'll be out in a bit."

Jet raised an eyebrow and walked over to see what they were up to, "What's so interesting?"

"Just some old videos on Dean's wall,"

"You mean the stuff I tagged him in?"

"He took some too, like when he messed up our leaves last year."

Jet snorted back a laugh, "Oh yeah, stupid jerk." He glanced at Cas then back to Sam, "We can watch it on a computer now, bigger screen."

Sam smiled and looked at Castiel, "I think that'd be good."


	16. Chapter 16

Dean felt amazing behind the wheel; there was some kind of freedom flowing through him that he couldn't explain. It felt like one of those times where you'd remember it fondly when you were old. He had the music cranked flying down the road back to the place he'd be calling home sooner or later. He'd picked up a bunch of comfort food, medications and a couple other necessities that had been forgotten along the way.

He could see the mansion from the highway; it was an amazing sight now, knowing that he was the one living there. He questioned himself for that; maybe jealousy had stopped him before? It didn't matter, really. He had some plans to transform it, make it more modern and a little less creepy. The basement still made him anxious and he had no idea what to do about that, but maybe Bobby could help once he arrived.

It wasn't too obvious, he hoped at least, when Cas had flown around before. Anyone driving by might've just thought he was a big bird. Dean was a little worried someone might try to take Cas away, he wasn't sure who or what authority they'd have but he felt it would happen. Again, maybe it was all the movies he'd seen where that happened with unexplainable discoveries. Maybe someone from the government was part of MacLeod's experiments and was funding the whole thing, maybe that's how he got rich in the first place.

But then it didn't make sense that MacLeod would leave everything to Jet without a second thought. Sure, Dean could consider it a moment of senility but then no one else would've caught on? No, he was pretty sure something else was going on there. Either that or he was sure he was paranoid. Either way, he didn't want to lose Cas.

He still wasn't sure where to park exactly so he just pulled up in the front of the house and hopped out, grabbing his bags of junk as he went. As he entered he heard laughter from their sitting room, "Guys? I'm back!"

As he was expecting the usual 'we're over here' response he found himself shocked when the sound of crashing echoed. He looked up to see Castiel in the hall, perched as if he'd just rushed out the door with wide eyes fixed on Dean as if he might not be real.

"Dee?" he asked tentatively.

"Hey Cas," Dean gave a short wave, he was only gone for a few hours but damn that reaction was too cute.

Cas' mouth widened in a smile and he burst forward, a little help from his wings was more than enough to get him down the hall and on top of Dean in a matter of a second or two. Dean wound up on his back on the floor, wind knocked out of him and Cas right on top of him for good measure.

"Hey buddy," he groaned and ruffled Cas' hair moments before his angel friend leaned in close and licked his mouth a few times. "Ah! Okay, okay! I'm sorry I left!" Dean laughed as he tried to push Cas away, it wasn't an earnest attempt really, he didn't mind the attention that much.

"What took you so long?" Sam asked from the doorway, an amused smirk on his face.

"I picked up a few extra things," Dean managed to sit up and push the bag forward, Cas had nestled down in his lap and didn't seem to want to move much. "Eye drops are inside,"

"Good, thanks." Sam walked over and picked it up, raising an eyebrow as soon as he saw the contents, "really? Cupcakes?"

"Cupcakes?" Jet damn near teleported to Sam's side; his concerns about eye drops were no longer on his mind. He grinned and grabbed the package out of the bag, "Thanks man! You're the best," he didn't hesitate to open it and dig in.

"Maybe that was for everyone?" Sam nudged Jet's side but the darker boy only growled in return and hoarded away his treat back into the sitting room.

"You know it wasn't," Dean laughed and pulled himself back to his feet. "I got some stuff for you and Cas too, don't worry."

"You think giving Cas sugar is a good idea?"

"No worse than pizza," Dean took a milk chocolate bar out of the bag and unwrapped it before handing it over to Castiel. "Try it; I think you'll like it."

Cas didn't hesitate to take anything offered from Dean, he tossed it around a bit before sniffing it. Dean rolled his eyes and pushed it into Cas' mouth, "You eat it, you dork." Cas hummed on the bar and shuffled away with it, slowly munching and letting it melt.

"That's gonna get messy…" Sam muttered as Dean passed him by.

"So what were you guys up to while I was gone?"

"Got the internet hooked up, started watching videos on my laptop." Sam followed Dean to where Jet was sitting. He'd already eaten half the cupcakes by that time. "You're gonna get fat."

Jet scowled at him, "You're not getting any,"

Dean tried not to laugh, every damn time Jet got his hands on cupcakes he never shared. Ever. They were his favourite thing and no matter what Sam tried to say to get him to stop it wouldn't ever work. Not for lack of trying on Sam's part. "What videos?"

"Ones on your Facebook, Cas missed you so we played stuff you were in." Sam turned his laptop Dean's way to show him.

"Aww," Dean looked at Cas who had snuck into the room and situated himself nearby, chocolate squares still sticking out of his mouth. "I missed you too, Cas." As soon as he said it he saw Cas' eyes light up, a gentle glow flickering across the room. Castiel moved closer and climbed up onto the couch beside him, nuzzled his cheek and decided that it was a good spot to nest. Dean put his arm around Cas' shoulders and looked back at Sam's computer, "Well, what's the plan now? Can I see some too?"

"We've been watching them for a while," Jet mused off-handedly, "but you  _did_  get me cupcakes so I suppose I could watch a few again."

"We could look at Cas," Sam said, basically out of nowhere for Dean.

"What do you mean?"

"I found him on Facebook; he's got photos and videos…"

Dean wasn't sure how to describe the feeling he got from that news. He was excited to learn about Cas, but he was also very nervous. Castiel was such a mystery but Dean knew the kind of pain that Cas had gone through, he wasn't sure what it'd do to him to see the contrast. Somehow knowing where a tragedy like Cas came from originally might hurt more than just assuming things. He looked over at Jet and Sam cautiously, unsure of what they were thinking.

"Do you think we're ready for that?" he asked after a moment of silence.

"I don't think it'll go away just because we decided we don't want to know," Jet insisted, "So let's do it."

Sam didn't wait for Dean's approval and switched over to Cas' page. Dean leaned in closer, his heart in his throat as he looked over the unedited screen. None of them were friends with Castiel so they expected not to see much, however it was a wide open page. There were comments from other people all over; it was like it'd been turned into a public page. The main description read;  _Please don't forget about Castiel Novak._

Dean imagined it was done by Cas' brother, Michael. He looked at the profile picture, Cas' face hadn't changed much but he could still see more recognition in Cas' expression in the photo. "He looks so normal," Dean muttered, the concept and idea of Cas taking a selfie with stupid sunglasses on baffled him. He was pretty sure he had a similar shot somewhere in his profile pics.

"He was," Sam replied and clicked to the video section, one of them Cas had been tagged in and it was titled 'Castiel's Song – Prom Night part 4.' "See? He even went to prom."

"Wait, I don't think I'm ready for that-" Dean started to say but Sam clicked on it anyway.

" _Hey guys!" Castiel's voice rang out over a loud bustling group, the camera turned up to see a slender teen up on stage. He wore an old looking dark blue suit with a slightly disheveled tie, a mop of dark hair and a smile that could light up a room. "I've been told that I need to sing-" his words were overcome by cheers from his friends and peers. Even the camera guy was excited._

_The crowd chanted for him, "Sing! Sing! Sing!" the camera holder's voice being the loudest._

" _Yeah that's what I figured, one last big party with us all together calls for one more song." Cas' face was the focus of the video, the camera man zoomed in to catch his soft expression. "Well I'm gonna do a cover of Matchbox Twenty's Unwell, I hope you enjoy."_

_With that said the band started to play and Castiel took a slow, relaxing breath before he began._

Dean couldn't express properly how much he loved Castiel's voice, to hear him speak was enough to make Dean's chest tighten but a song? He wasn't ready for that, and he definitely wasn't ready for the song Cas had chosen. He couldn't look away; there was no glitz or glam like he'd done in the halls of his high school. Castiel didn't need it.

" _Out of all the hours thinking, somehow I've lost my mind. But I'm not crazy; I'm just a little unwell. I know, right now you can't tell, but stay a while and maybe then you'll see a different side of me._

_I'm not crazy I'm just a little impaired, I know, right now you don't care. But soon enough you're gonna think of me and how I used to be."_

Dean looked over at Castiel who hadn't looked at the screen, he was busy eating his chocolate bar and being content with Dean's presence next to him. The video played through and ended with Castiel's song, cheering cut short.

"Damn, kid could sing." Jet sounded impressed, which made sense considering he had more stage presence and dancing skills than singing ability. "Way to start it off with a bang, Sam."

"I didn't know what he was singing," Sam retorted quickly in defence.

"Castiel Novak," Dean read Cas' name over in his head several times but wanted to hear it said out loud. It wasn't right; Cas should've told him that name himself. Maybe that was asking too much of the universe, but Dean felt it wasn't fair.

There were more videos, many more. Cas was popular, Dean could see that immediately by the activity on his page. There were so many comments on his page that it went on for quite a while before Cas' original posts were available.

" _I love you Cas! Come home soon."_

" _I still can't believe you've been missing for so long, it feels like we just graduated yesterday."_

" _My condolences to everyone in the Novak family; Castiel was loved and losing him hurts us all."_

" _Where'd you go?"_

" _I miss you."_

" _Hey Cas I hope you get to read this someday. I always wanted to talk to you about it but never had the guts; I wish I could've told you in person. You saved my life once. Remember when you popped into my room and I said I was organizing my medication? I wasn't expecting you to visit that day and I wasn't expecting you to say the things you did. I just wish I could save you like you saved me. I don't know where you are now, but I hope you know I love you, always did. Cheers buddy."_

Dean looked at the name of that last one; Charlie Bradbury. He didn't know her but he really wanted to after reading her message to Cas.

"Graduation… Cas went missing after that, how old is he? How long has he been gone?" Jet took over and scrolled through the account to the 'About' section. They looked at his birthday and realized he was just as hold as Dean and Jet.

"He's been missing almost four years," Sam furrowed his brow and looked at Cas, it was hard to imagine that they could've met him in college.

"The experiment that made him like this went on for at least that long," Dean ran his hand through his hair and questioned the intelligence of doing what was on his mind since finding the page. He wanted to post that he found Cas, he wanted all those people to know that Cas was alive, that they didn't have to worry as much. But was that true? How much of Cas did he really find? He couldn't imagine telling Cas' brother the truth, or that Charlie girl.

Castiel cooed softly and leaned in close to the computer, tilting his head at the many words. He looked up at Dean, chocolate all over the lower half of his face and hands.

"Told you it'd get messy." Sam smirked and reached over to wipe Cas clean with his sleeve.

"Has Cas seen himself?" Dean asked after Sam was done, "I mean, I don't think I've seen him looking at a reflection or anything."

"He's totally seen his reflection," Jet scoffed, "there are mirrors all over the place and his cage was a glass enclosure. Of course he's fuckin' seen himself."

"Alright, alright, don't call me stupid." Dean frowned and looked back at the computer, "I was just wondering, that's all."

Jet wasn't quite done with him though, "Cas isn't knowledgeable right now but he's not an idiot, dude."

"Okay, enough." Dean swatted his leg, "I was just wondering if he'd be interested in seeing a picture of himself. He didn't watch the video."

"I showed him his profile pic, if that counts." Sam said as he rolled up his now dirty sleeve, "He didn't seem to care that much, more interested in where you were."

"Well his profile pic had sunglasses; maybe he didn't make the connection." Dean couldn't lie; he was really flattered and happy that Cas was so consumed with him. He felt like maybe sharing that with the other two wasn't a smart move; he didn't particularly like ridicule or being shut down.

"We could show him one without, though I doubt he'd give a shit." Jet searched through the photos and tried to keep a straight face as he did it. Castiel was smiling in pretty much every single one of the ones he was tagged in, his selfies were always done at the perfect angle or ridiculously weird with no in between. Jet stopped at a good one and slid the laptop over to Dean who picked it up in order to show Cas.

"Do you remember this?" He asked as Castiel looked up at the photo. The reaction he expected was so far from what happened. Castiel's eyes flashed so bright they made the room glow and a high pitched whine pierced their ears until it dissolved into a vicious growl. He lashed out at the screen and dragged it closer before anyone could react. His teeth were bared, fangs sinking out of his gums and his mouth was able to stretch further than what should've been possible for any normal human. Cas spat an enraged hiss a split second before he tried to bite the screen.

Dean was frozen completely as Cas trashed the laptop and threw the remains into the wall. His stunned silence mimicked by the other two, though Jet had actually moved as far away from the outburst as he could in that amount of time.

"Okay," Sam whispered softly, "I have a feeling he doesn't like his face…"

* * *

 


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo heads up for anyone who wants to see it, I drew some art of Cas' freak out in the last chapter, it's at the very end so go and check it out if you got time :D

Castiel's seething slowly calmed down as he stared at the smoking wreckage of Sam's laptop, his wings drifted down from their arched positions and he turned to look at Dean again. His eyes were fading back to normal and his mouth had closed, hiding whatever happened to his fangs.

"Holy shit," Jet breathed from across the room, his legs seemed to give out as he slid down the wall. "What the fuck…"

Sam was very still, just like Dean, unsure of what to do or say. They all just stared at Castiel who's gaze shifted between them, a questioning grunt coming from him every once in a while. Dean took a calming breath before he reached over and put his hand on Cas' shoulder, "You okay, buddy?" he did his best to keep himself relaxed, the last thing he wanted to freak Cas out. He had no idea what that was, what about Cas' photo set Cas off, or what kinds of mutations Cas was hiding but he was determined to stay on the good side of whatever Castiel was.

Castiel purred softly and nuzzled Dean's extended arm, almost as if what he'd just done hadn't happened at all.

"The fuck was that!?" Jet found his voice again and he was by far the most high-strung of the three about it.

"Calm down," Dean raised a hand toward his friend before Jet could continue his freak out, "Cas just reacted, he didn't hurt us or anything, no need to make him feel bad about it."

"I think it was instinct," Sam managed to say through a slight stutter, "It happened so fast, I don't think he even had to think about it."

"Why the fuck would he flip his shit like that over a goddamn picture!?"

"Conditioning maybe?"

Dean shook his head, "Whatever it was we should go downstairs, I know learning who Cas was feels important but we should find out what he is now. I can't help him if I have no idea what's going on with him." He stood up and headed out the door, "You guys can come with if you want."

"Considering it takes a while to navigate the files and I already know where Cas' is, I assume you want me to be there." Sam snarked as he followed, motioning for Jet to come along. Jet looked at Castiel warily but did his best to shake it off and go with. He ruffled Cas' hair as he passed by.

"C'mon Cas," he tried his hand at a smile again and Castiel reciprocated with one of his own. Jet sighed and ran his hand through his hair, "Alright, you weird little killing machine, I'll be nice."

Cas grunted in response and nudged him with a shoulder.

The group descended the stairs again, this time with one extra in tow. Dean walked into the laboratory and stared up at the many screens again. They were turned off again, evidently Sam had been the last one down there because both Dean and Jet would've left them running. He walked up to the control panel and turned it on like they had the first time.

It was hard to believe that it'd only been a few days since he was last down there. It felt like much longer than that, like he'd known Cas for a few months maybe. But that didn't matter too much; his feeling didn't change how long it'd actually been. It was also a wonder to him how Cas could be so attached to him so fast; he imagined that the 4 years of captivity weren't easy. Maybe he was the first real kindness Castiel could remember? That thought made his stomach turn.

The lights flickered to life and the screens lit up, motionless bodies appeared on several of them, some were just dark, and others had some movement here and there. Dean hadn't stayed to watch the cameras the first time but he'd seen some of the creatures as he passed through the other levels of the lab. He wondered how many there were, how many were still alive and if any others were remotely as safe to be around as Cas was.

Castiel chirped softly as he wandered around the metal grated flooring, he sniffed the air and looked at Dean with a concerned expression. "It's okay, Cas," Dean smiled reassuringly, "We're not here to put you back." Whatever Cas understood seemed to be enough for him, he huffed in what sounded like relief and fluttered about without much worry.

Sam walked over to the computer units and started searching through the center one; he pulled up a chair and settled down. "Cas has quite a file compared to the others,"

"I thought you said you hadn't read it yet," Jet raised an eyebrow and earned himself an exasperated look from Sam.

"You can see file sizes without having to look at the contents, Jet."

"I knew that, just… testing you." Jet muttered and walked over to where Dean was; conveniently deciding that's where he'd rather stand. "What are we looking to figure out about him, anyway? I mean obviously it'd be nice to know what's wrong with him but I doubt it'll be that simple."

"We start by checking out the different experiments done," Sam replied without looking up from the computer, "Luckily our creepy scientist was organized, Castiel Novak – Bio, Experiment 01, Experiment 02…"

Dean hurried to Sam's side and leaned over his shoulder, "Bio, what's it say?"

"That's like looking at his Facebook, what's the first experiment?" Jet demanded and Sam agreed, opening up the first experiment file.

"Experiment 01; Human Splicing Preparation. Aim: Prepare subject for DNA splicing process. Hypothesis: If we connect-"

"In fewer words please," Dean interrupted Sam without remorse; he could sense Jet's silent agreement.

Sam rolled his eyes, "Fine, skipping past the intro and science-y bits for you two."

"Hey, I didn't say anything," Jet remarked defensively but Dean was pretty sure even Jet didn't believe he was undeserving of Sam's commentary.

"Summary notes;" Sam continued after scrolling past the medical procedure work, "Pre-Procedure: Castiel has shown resilience toward the anesthetic used for these procedures. It is unclear but he may still be conscious during the work, though his pain receptors remain dull.

"Post Procedure: Castiel's body is as perfect as suspected; it hasn't rejected any of the test DNA used and seems to be open to other types. As it stands I believe he will be the perfect subject for majority of the human based experiments."

"Resilience to anesthetic, well that explains our dream perspectives." Dean muttered and glanced over at Cas again, who was very passively inspecting different sets of equipment. Dean didn't think he'd do anything stupid, but that didn't stop an over active imagination.

"What'd they combine him with?" Jet leaned over Sam's other shoulder, scanning the page quickly.

"Preliminary DNA splicing involves adding increased senses of different species. For example, they used canines to increase his sense of smell and hearing."

Dean didn't take his eyes off Cas as Sam explained the documents to them, "What about his eyes? Do they mention why those glow?"

"There's a glossary of what Cas was all combined with at the end of his experiments," Sam paused and read through the list looking for the answer, "looks like there's bioluminescence from some fungi in him, it was added to his eyes. Seems that was the easiest part to make glow, though they tried his skin too."

"Where the fuck does it say all that?" Jet scoffed and Sam pointed at the notes section for each part.

"They added trial and error comments, looks like fireflies and jellyfish didn't quite work out…" Sam trailed off as he stared at the notes, "Wait… something doesn't make sense…"

"You mean other than all of it?" Jet snarked but Sam didn't take notice.

"They have conflicting information, like right here, it says that Cas' DNA was spliced with a firefly but it failed, subject terminated. Under the same date it says he was also spliced with the fungi mycena chlorophos, which was a success and the subject was pushed forward for further testing… Can they do that all in one experiment?"

"More importantly, does terminated mean killed? Because Cas is right here." Dean pointed over at their winged companion, "I get the feeling this is gonna take more studying than just quickly looking at a file and figuring it all out."

Sam nodded, his lips pursed and brow furrowed as he continued reading, "There are other areas where something didn't work and a subject was terminated… maybe they mean the other animal?"

"Probably," Dean agreed slightly distracted as Cas was reaching for a lever of some kind. "Cas, buddy, don't touch stuff, okay?" He hurried across the room to catch Cas' hand and lead him back to the other two. "Stay here with me."

Cas' face lit up and he squealed, startling all three of them. He hopped up onto Dean, legs wrapped around and wings flapping to keep his balance while nearly knocking Dean over.

"Whoa!" Dean stumbled about to keep himself upright, entirely unprepared for the sudden burst of energy. Ultimately he stood no chance against Cas' joy and fell to the floor, "What'd I say?" he laughed, unable to be upset about it; Cas was just too cute sometimes. It almost overwrote the horrifying freak out earlier, almost.

"Stay with me," Jet repeated, answering for Castiel with a smirk on his face. "I'm pretty sure that's what he's excited about."

"I never know what he understands and doesn't," Dean sighed and ruffled Cas' hair as Cas nuzzled him relentlessly.

Sam ran a hand down his face, "So much science jargon… Okay, so we know that Cas' senses are heightened, he's got wings, his eyes glow-"

"All shit we already knew-"

"Shut up Jet- and we know that he sort of understands what we say once in a while. Also, he's got issues with seeing a photo of himself." Sam paused and Dean knew he was reflecting on the destroyed laptop upstairs.

Dean looked at Castiel, they didn't know much about him at all despite finding all these new little things to think about. He wondered how much Cas knew, what he remembered or what he was thinking. The way Cas' face contorted and became so monstrous was terrifying at best but Dean couldn't help but think about the smiles that Cas made too. Yeah, there was something scary about him but how could anyone think he was only a lab rat or a monster when his face lit up the way it did. "You think he flipped out because he's upset about what's happened to him? Maybe he knows he's different from what he used to be…"

"I don't think so," Jet shook his head, "Maybe to some extent, but not completely. He doesn't act like a person who's aware of that kinda shit. He's learning it now, he's getting better but I don't think that's why he freaked."

"We can test it," Sam smirked, "Who wants to sacrifice their cell phone?"

Jet and Dean shared a wary look like 'you do it.' As much as Dean didn't want to do it Jet's game was a little stronger. He grumbled and took out his phone, "Fine but you're buying me a new one."

"And I'm getting Sam a new laptop, whatever, just do it."

"Cas, smile buddy," Dean smiled and aimed the camera; Castiel's head tilted a little in response but didn't seem to understand what Dean wanted. The picture was taken and Dean inched closer, he looked at the other two before handing Cas the phone with the picture displayed. He retracted his hand immediately as Castiel looked at the screen.

In a split second the room flashed blue and a screech echoed before any of them could register that Castiel had just bit the phone in half. He angrily chewed through the metal and spat it out, a high-pitched squeak following the crunching and spitting. Cas dropped the half of phone he hadn't destroyed and looked around, eyes glowing and fading slowly as he stared up at Dean.

"Still scary as shit," Jet said from Sam's side, slightly behind the chair but not too much to be noticed.

"Alright," Sam didn't seem as affected this time around, his hand thoughtfully placed on his chin, "Looks like it's photos in general, but his reflection doesn't set him off."

"He's smart enough to recognize that it's him, give him some credit." Dean felt immediately defensive, "But I guess completely still images scare him, or something…"

"I haven't read anything that explains it," Sam turned back to the computer, his eyes narrowed and jaw tense. "Though I haven't read much, so…"

"There's gotta be some video of these things," Jet grabbed Sam's chair and pulled it back to move him out of the way.

"Wha- hey!" Sam frowned and watched uselessly as Jet looked through the files. "You're not going to find it-"

"Here," Jet opened up a folder with different files of experimental footage, "Now pick one and watch."

Sam's frown didn't disappear though it looked a bit more impressed than it was originally. "Alright, just a random one then, Mr. I-Need-To-Control-Everything?"

"Ironic coming from you," Jet sneered back and Dean sighed loud enough to interrupt them. He was busy helping Cas make sure all the phones particles were out of his mouth; he didn't need to be paying attention to be annoyed by the constant bickering.

"Just pick one, okay? This whole thing is stressful, I just lost my phone, Cas ate metal, can we get on with it?"

That shut them both up and Sam, against the strong compulsion to do otherwise, chose a video from the middle of the folder.


	18. Chapter 18

_Castiel Status Update: 0029_

_The video began with MacLeod's voiceover, the footage showed a large white room with steel doors. "Castiel seems to be taking to the new drugs a lot better, he's been more docile and doesn't talk anymore. He doesn't like to communicate at all, but there's been a dramatic increase in his compatibility with his other splicing. As stated in a previous report he's been given preliminary sense and ability heightening. After giving Castiel our manufactured drug, a result of experiment subject 77, he has been significantly faster and his reflexes have improved dramatically."_

_One of the steel doors opened and Castiel wandered into the space, he approached the area where the camera was pointed and sniffed around. "As you can see he now senses that I am here, despite not being able to see me through the mirror." Cas placed a hand on the surface and stared forward, studying the face he saw in it._

" _Castiel Novak remains the most resilient subject, though soon we'll be testing out experiment subject 84."_

The video ended there and Sam didn't hesitate to click on the next one, the other two pulled up chairs and Cas sat at Dean's side happily patient but out of view of the screen.

"He didn't have wings in that last vid," Jet commented quietly.

Dean nodded absently, "Yeah, I noticed that,"

_Testing: Subject 84_

_The same video footage started up, Castiel remained with his hand on a seemingly invisible wall and staring intently at nothing. "The purpose of the following events is to test out the changes made to subject 84. The subject has been spliced with the increased speed and mental altering of previous subject 52 and has been combined with the physical surgery to give 84 avian flight capabilities." The sound of papers rustling filled a 30-second pause before MacLeod spoke again. "Alright, open the door."_

_The second steel door swung open and Castiel turned around abruptly. An almost familiar figure stepped through the doorway, a second Castiel stood motionless at first._

_Cas' immediate reaction was vicious, he screamed inhumanly, teeth bared and lowered stance. The new Cas screeched right back and lifted his arms, brown coloured feathers attached directly to his arms fanned out in a show of dominance._

"Hold up, pause that shit," Jet demanded after a few seconds of the two Cas' circling one another. Sam did as he was asked and looked at the other two with similarly wide eyes. Jet raised his hands to try and help him articulate his thoughts before he finally uttered "What the fuck?"

"There's two of him?" Sam looked at Cas who appeared immensely innocent.

"If you follow the numbers I'd say there were at least 84 of him." Jet muttered and Sam nudged him roughly for his sassiness. "What? I'm just sayin'."

Dean wasn't sure how he was taking the new information; the Cas sitting with him could very well be something else. What if he wasn't human at all? Was he just some kind of experiment in human skin? He turned toward Cas who looked up at him with a curious few blinks. Dean could still see Cas' hesitation the first time they met, he could hear the little sounds and, though he'd been paranoid about it, he remembered Cas hadn't shown any real aggression.

He'd never met the real Castiel Novak, he didn't have any way of knowing at that moment if the one beside him was the real thing, but did it matter? He'd grown attached to Cas, he cared about Cas an intense amount for how long he'd known him; would finding out that his Castiel wasn't human change anything?

"Keep playing it," Dean finally said, "I gotta see the end of this."

_Subject 84 flapped his arms and ran at Castiel. Just before reaching, however, he jumped and avoided Cas' swiping arms. 84 leapt off the wall and landed several feet away from Cas, he hissed and crawled around in a circle, Cas mimicking the behaviour cautiously._

" _So far it's an interesting match up," MacLeod mused, "Castiel usually takes his opponents down by this time, it seems subject 84 has a slight advantage with those wings."_

_As he spoke the two lunged at one another and collided in a noisy, ferocious grapple. Castiel wrapped his legs around the struggling clone and 84 realized immediately that it was in a disadvantaged position. It tried to fly away but Castiel wasn't so easy to escape. It took a few seconds of wrestling before 84 beat him off just enough to try an escape. Cas caught hold of his leg and yanked him back, crawling up 84's body as he struggled. Castiel snapped down onto his clone's neck and after a moment of thrashing, blood pooled around them staining the floor._

" _Hmm," MacLeod's humming was an odd addition to the visuals of one man shaking around the body of another by the neck like a dog with a new chew toy. "Castiel still appears to have left over splicing from previous experiment 63, since their fight last week he's been killing his opponents by tearing their throats with his teeth. I'm beginning to think that he's somehow absorbing parts of the others' splicing-"_

_A loud thud startled MacLeod and shook the camera after Castiel hurled his clone's body against the one-way mirror. Blood was splattered over the surface, leaking from Cas' mouth and covering his torso. He snarled and screeched at the glass before grabbing the body and throwing it again._

" _Is he reacting to his reflection?" MacLeod questioned, unsure of what Cas was up to as the experiment repeated beat on the glass. Castiel didn't stare directly ahead as if looking at himself though; he was looking toward MacLeod with each swing. "Subdue the subject, please." MacLeod stated before the camera shut off and ended the video._

"I have so many questions," Jet muttered without changing his expression or tone.

Dean ran his hand through his hair and looked at Cas again, there were a few answers but each answer gave another bundle of questions. How many clones had been made? How much of the experimentation was done directly to Cas and how much had he learned? What were the alterations made to Cas, how could he be cloned in the first place, but mostly what was the drug they'd been giving him? Of course there must've been many, but there was a manufactured one. What did it do to Cas? Was it the reason he couldn't talk anymore?

"Dean?" Sam's voice broke him out of his distracted state and he looked up.

"Hm?"

"I asked if you wanted to see another one."

Dean nodded, "Yeah, yeah let's do it." He felt a little odd, he'd seen many movies with all kinds of scenes but somehow it was different when he knew it was real. There were plenty of thrillers and horror movies with the psychiatric theme, Dean never felt so strange when watching those. He could enjoy it because it was fake, no one was really getting hurt but now he was watching real documents about Castiel, someone he'd met.

Sam picked another random video, none of them quite ready for a chronological order viewing.

_Testing: Castiel Aviation Splice_

_The video started with the same empty room and MacLeod sighing heavily. He really sounded his age that time. "So," he started with another pause and a heavy breath, "God I'm tired. Okay," he then turned the camera around and showed himself, his desk and writing space beyond the one-way mirror. He rubbed his eyes and dragged his hand down his face, "Ever since we prepared Castiel's cells for cloning something's been strange. Long exposure to his presence wasn't much of an issue at first but over the years he's been getting into our heads. With each new subject that he absorbs it gets worse, he's been appearing in my dreams and turns them into nightmares." Another tired sigh and pause as MacLeod looked toward the testing room._

" _To be honest I think I need a break from him, I don't know if it's guilt that brings him to my dreams or what, but I really need something completely different. I think I'll spend this summer in town, see if I can recover from this. We'll take this time to see how he does without tests for a short time, just study his long-term behaviour. Until then, of course, today is still another test so let's see…" he rummaged through his papers, looking at them through small reading glasses and squinted eyes. "Right, Castiel underwent a new physical surgery, he was given human-sized wings. They should be more than strong enough to support his weight, he's been recovering from the surgery for a few days and we'll see how he's doing."_

_The camera shifted back to the room and an order was given to open the door. Castiel shuffled out, slightly off balance and anxious he looked around the room. It was clear he understood the meaning of the room; he understood that he often saw an opponent appear and that was why he was so nervous. He wasn't in fighting condition; he was still in pain and he didn't want to do any kind of testing._

_Castiel moved to a corner and perched there, his stance showed he was still ready to leap into action if need be but it wasn't the first thought. He looked anxiously toward the mirror, eyes piercing and glowing brightly._

" _Castiel is nervous," MacLeod mumbled, "He's got his back against a wall for protection, his eyes are glowing pretty hard too…" the scribbling of notes filled the audio. "Alright, well so far he's not used to them. He's off balance but he's moving, that's a good sign. Other subjects didn't start doing anything for almost a week. I suspect he'll be using them very shortly." He clicked on the speaker and ordered they corral Castiel back into his habitat before the video ended._

Sam sat with pursed lips, as quiet as the other two as they all contemplated the last vid. "Okay, so Cas was starting to invade dreams already back then, it's not just us."

"I wonder if Cas has control over what we see?" Dean furrowed his brow, "I mean, we're all seeing the same thing. Did MacLeod see it too? Did he watch the first experiment and hear Cas' thoughts?"

"If he did it didn't stop him from continuing," Jet sneered, "This video was right before last year's summer break. He was going through Cas' nightmares for a while."

Sam stared thoughtfully at the screen before he looked at the other two, "But he said Cas came to him in his dreams, it doesn't sound like what we went through. We became Cas, it's different."

"So maybe Cas just wanted us to see what he saw?"

"Unless he can't control it," Sam pointed out, "then his will, his wish for us to understand him, is what's pushing it on us now. I got a feeling that MacLeod's nightmares were more about Castiel coming to get him."

Jet scoffed softly, "As they should've been."

"So Cas wants to talk to us," Dean smiled and put his hand on Cas' shoulder, "I can't wait until he does, but for now all we got are these videos."

"One more," Jet stated, "Just one more and I'm done down here for the fuckin' day."

"Fair enough," Sam agreed and found another one.

_It immediately opened with a moving shot, the cameraman walked down the halls through the lab and into the lower levels where the experiments were kept. Immediately there were subjects jumping against their cages and shrieking at the passerby. Some of them were enormous and more animal than anything else, others were quiet and inquisitive. The camera moved past them all and down again, following the metal path to a dome with the name Castiel written across the door._

_The dome appeared empty aside from scattered feathers and a pair of legs barely sticking out of a dugout. The camera zoomed in a little but ultimately passed by. They walked to a darkened doorway that was difficult to see just past the dome. The door opened to another set of stairs, lit by fluorescent lights all the way down to yet another heavy door. This one had several locks and as it opened it was clear it was heavy. The camera passed through, closed the door and switched on the lights._

_Several familiar gurgles and growls rolled through the space as dozens of eyes adjusted to the lights. There were many visible cages all with a similarly pale individual, a dark mop of hair and blue eyes gazing up at the newcomer. Each one started to become aggressive as they realized what they could see. They all reacted strongly to seeing one another; some descended into madness instantly and became beasts of a different kind. Others became defensive but not quiet as violent, they hissed and spat but mostly stayed in their own space._

_Cages started to rattle and screaming echoed throughout the facility. The cameraman hummed to himself, it was MacLeod again, and he walked over to a circuit panel across the room. "This room has failed subjects," he explained out loud, probably a habit after so many years of documenting himself. "They were more extras, didn't even get numbers. Something went wrong in the cloning process, they didn't retain enough of Castiel's original DNA to make them useful so we tested other ideas on them." As he talked he flipped a few switches and pressed a button._

" _They're resilient though, we haven't fed them in ages and they're still functioning. I've decided that I want to know which of them is the strongest, we've reinforced this area and cut it off from everything else." He walked back to the door and passed through it again, closing it and locking it up entirely. "I set the timer and in about five minutes all the doors will open at once, we'll see who's standing at the end of it all. But I'll check on it later, I've got to get back to town, there's a gorgeous mocha boy waiting to work for me."_

"Ew." All three uttered as the video clicked off.

"I'm out," Jet threw up his hands and headed for the stairs.

"Didn't you see that level full of Castiels?" Sam asked with wide eyes, Dean knew that look.

"We're not going to see if they're still there, Sammy."

"But what if they are?"

"Cas'll go ape-shit and rip their throats out, that's what." Dean grabbed Sam's arm and dragged him after Jet, "C'mon, that's enough crazy for one day. Internet's up, let's watch a movie or something."

Sam sighed but followed his brother's direction. All three of them felt a little too saturated in intensity, a lot of information was opened to them at once and they had no idea how to process it. The odds of any of them paying attention to a movie were slim to none.

Castiel leaned up toward the computer and looked around for what made those sounds, chirping cautiously as he found nothing. "Deeeeeeeeee," he droned and Dean looked back to see him perched by the computer.

"Come on Cas," he nodded toward the door as he let Sam walk ahead.

Cas huffed and looked back at the equipment.

"No one's there, buddy. Old dude is dead and you're the only Castiel in the area." He still wasn't sure how to stomach that whole cloning thing but he said it anyway. It was a weird mix of excitement for science fiction and disturbance over what happened to make it real.

As he stood thinking about it Castiel had approached him again, a light brush of his wing and a purr brought Dean back around. He smiled as Cas hesitantly tried to take his hand, as if uncertain of whether or not it was allowed. Dean held tight and led Castiel out of the basement again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo what up? Sorry it took me so long, I took a break this weekend. I also want to do an advent christmas thingy so I started one. It'll be made up of short stories and I don't think it'll take up much time, but I've been wrong before. So I hope it doesn't interfere with this one, but once in a while it's nice to switch back and forth. I hope you guys can forgive me lol
> 
> Otherwise I want to tell you how thankful I am for so much support. You guys are amazing and I feel very strongly about this fic so far because of you. I feel like it's interesting enough to keep going, even if I'm no science major. So thanks again for reading my work, I'm so flattered you'd pick me among all the authors out there :)


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I suck this week! Had an interesting few days.
> 
> Anyway here you all go, and for those of you who don't already know I have a tumblr blog for my writing (zafiction) I've decided to use it to update you guys on where I'm at with chapters and whatever else. So please feel free to check in on me if I'm taking a while :)

"Dee?" Castiel asked tentatively as they started up the stairs, Dean paused and looked at his winged friend.

"What's up, Cas?" He wasn't expecting a response but Cas' face was pinched with what he could only describe as concern. Dean held Cas' hand firmly, part of him expecting a sudden escape into the facility. "You okay?"

Castiel looked back down the stairs, his jaw tight and his forehead wrinkled as a subtle nervous groan rumbled in his throat. Dean cupped his cheek and tilted his head back to face him, "It's alright, nothing's going to happen to you. Nothing down there is going to get you. I won't let anyone hurt you again, okay?"

Cas' eyes were fixated on Dean's as his lower lip started to tremble and tears welled up in his eyes. Dean knew Cas understood him that time, he pulled Cas close and hugged tightly. He tucked Cas' head against his shoulder and rested a hand in matted hair. There was a slight tremble in Castiel's body and a shuddered inhale, Dean wished there was a way to hold Cas closer.

"You recognized all those sounds from the videos, didn't you?" He whispered and Cas nodded against him, Dean had no idea such a simple movement could break his heart so much. "I'm so sorry, we shouldn't have done that in front of you…" Cas responded by digging his fingers into Dean's shirt and pressing his face down a little harder.

Dean slowly let his hand slide down Cas' head and back up again, a comforting sort of petting motion. He stood there with Cas for several minutes until he felt a calmness from Cas' posture. He couldn't imagine the kinds of things in Cas' mind, how affected he still was from all of the things done to him. Dean wished he could wipe it away, clear it from Castiel's memory and just let him recover in peace. Unfortunately he didn't have that kind of power, but he could at least hold Cas when it was needed.

The angel-esque boy nuzzled Dean's cheek before stepping back again; there was a serene expression on his face that melted Dean a little further. "You okay?" He asked and Cas nodded without a sound before taking up Dean's hand again.

He led Castiel up to the main floor and smiled when Cas rubbed his feet on the carpet again. It was always nice to see him enjoy something, even the most mundane things like carpet texture. "Thinking it's bed time?" Dean asked and Castiel hummed softly, as if contemplating the idea. He ultimately shook his head and ran off toward the entrance. "Guess not," Dean shrugged and followed suit, Sam and Jet were in the hall talking and were passed by Cas' sudden burst of energy.

"God I'm exhausted," Jet muttered and rubbed his eyes, he looked up at the Winchesters with a half-smile, "Thinking I'm gonna go to bed early," despite his words though, Dean could tell he didn't want to go to bed yet either.

Before either brother could respond to Jet, however, they watched with some minor horror as Castiel opened the front door. An excited chirp was what the guest received and Dean felt like he was unable to react properly, he imagined whoever was on the other side of the door had a similar feeling.

"Uh, hi?" It was Bobby. Dean ran to the door faster than Sam or Jet could really react.

"Bobby!" He jumped on the old man in a strong hug and was given one just as intense in return. "You said you'd call when you were stateside, I didn't think I'd see you so soon."

"Good to see you, boy." Bobby chuckled and gave Dean's shoulder a good squeeze once they separated. "I had a feeling things have been weird 'round here so I moseyed a little faster." He said casually as he looked at Castiel, who had taken a step back but stared curiously at the new person Dean was hugging.

"You could say it's been weird," Dean scoffed, "There's a lot to catch you up on."

"Hey Bobby," Sam walked up and got his hug too, clapping the old man on the shoulder once it was done.

"You got taller," Bobby's expression was one of astonishment; as if it was unbelievable that little Sammy could've ever gotten taller than he'd been as a 10-year-old. "And you," he looked over at Jet who was smirking at their little reunion, "you look pretty tired kid, what happened? I thought hitting it big would perk you right up."

"Yeah, you'd think." Jet got a solid pat on the back that made him lurch forward a little, "The money situation is cool; the rest is a long story."

"I've been gettin' that a lot." Bobby looked at the three boys with eyebrows raised, "Anyone wanna fill me in?"

Dean shrugged, "Well we can give you a quick rundown to explain Cas, I think we can show you the rest later."

"Then let's go sit down, I'm exhausted from driving all day."

"Totally, sitting room's this way." Sam motioned for Bobby to follow and the small crew settled down together.

Bobby looked around at the decorations and furniture as he slowly lowered himself onto the couch, "Wow, never imagined you boys living in a place like this… seems too rich for your blood."

"It is," Dean laughed in agreement, "For all three of us, but we're getting used to it."

"Don't let it go to your heads." Bobby said as Cas leaned over the couch behind him and sniffed less than subtly. Bobby jumped a little and spun around to stare at flickering blue eyes, "What's with you? Stop that."

"He's recovering from some serious human experiments," Sam right up and said it, no sugar coating necessary in his mind. The others all stared at him with some varying levels of surprise; Bobby wasn't quite ready for that answer. Dean briefly wondered if Sam understood what he'd meant when he said 'we'll show you the rest later.' "The basement is a playground for mad scientists."

"You're kidding?" Bobby looked at Castiel again; the dark haired male had popped up on the other side of the couch and stared at the old man intently. "Guess that explains it… how do you know?"

"Computers in the labs," Sam continued, Dean had a feeling it was a way for Sam to just get it out. He liked to explain things, that was probably the best way for Dean to understand it. "MacLeod, Jet's old boss, did animal and human experimentation. He combined DNA and spliced them together, he even figured out human cloning."

Bobby looked at Dean and Jet for clarification and all the two of them could do was nod. "You're telling me that creepy guy I accidentally met last summer was a scientific genius?"

"Either he was or he knew someone, but yeah, pretty much." Dean shrugged, he moved over a little when Cas decided to return to him. Wings fluttered and shifted until Cas got them into a comfortable position, tucked behind him and partially resting on Dean. It was definitely a sign of trust and Dean felt a little special for that, no one else had wings on them.

"So then I'm guessing that  _this_  is what you wanted to show me?" Bobby asked Dean specifically, he didn't need an answer though, it was pretty obvious. "I thought you sounded lost because you didn't know what you were doin' but this is totally different."

"Well technically we still don't know what we're doing," Jet pointed out nonchalantly; "We haven't moved much of our shit yet or changed our address, hell I haven't even called my mom about the money."

"My first piece of advice is telling her before she kicks your ass," Bobby pointed at him and Jet just tossed his hands in the air as if it wasn't that big a deal if she did. "My second is for you idiots to make a list of all the stuff you need to do, like moving your stuff for example."

"It's a little tough with Cas here," Dean was quick to defend their assumed laziness, "if we get a moving crew to come in then someone will have to hide Cas while they're here. If we go and move our own stuff then someone has to stay here so Cas isn't alone."

"Well you're in luck," Bobby chuckled, "I'm here, I'll watch him while you guys go and get your adult-ing done."

"You serious?" Dean blinked rapidly in surprise, "You sure? Cas can be a handful-"

"I looked after you guys, I'm sure I can handle him."

Jet raised an eyebrow and looked at the two Winchester boys, Dean could tell he was wondering if they'd let Bobby do that. There were a number of reasons not to let him; Cas flipped his shit when he saw himself, longer exposure to his presence gave nightmares, plus he was just relatively too curious for his own good.

"I feel like you're not prepared for that kind of day, Cas really can be tough to deal with. We don't know a lot about him yet, I mean we kinda do but…" Dean wasn't sure what he was saying anymore. Sure, they didn't know a ton about Cas but that didn't mean he was difficult. Cas didn't communicate normally but that didn't mean he was a handful. Sure, he did some scary things once in a while but he was so harmless toward Dean and the others. "You know what?" Dean shook his head and did his best to shake those thoughts out, "Forget what I said, we'll leave Cas to you for a day, Bobby."

"I appreciate the approval," Bobby smirked sarcastically and looked at Castiel, he clearly thought Cas was weird but it wasn't anything malicious. But then again he was talking about Bobby Singer, of course it wasn't malicious. "Anything I should know before tomorrow, then?"

The three young men looked at one another, "Well," Sam started, "I guess I'll start with a rule of don't show him a picture of himself."

"Yeah, also he hates everything involving MacLeod so if you try to put him near the bastard's scent Cas will not listen to you." Jet added.

"He eats a lot and pretty much anything," Dean joined in, "He'll miss us, he knows how to open doors, sometimes he tries to talk but mostly he'll gesture and make grunts. Also sometimes he understands what you say though mostly I think he doesn't. He likes flying but we've only let him out once and all three of us were there so maybe don't let him. No one has seen him yet so if someone comes over they shouldn't be around him-"

"You're getting into too much detail, bro." Jet put a hand on his shoulder and Dean clammed up.

"Sorry, I just want Bobby to be prepared for Cas shenanigans."

"We don't even know what those might all look like," Jet reminded him, Dean shrugged sheepishly in return. "Chill, Bobby can handle it."

"Yeah, you're right."

"I can also call you," Bobby pointed out, his expression showed his disbelief before he could say anything more. "What's with you, anyway? You're actin' like you'll be away from him for a week, not a few hours in one day."

"Dean hasn't been separated from Cas much," Sam laughed, "and when he was he knew that Cas already trusted Jet or me. You're a stranger for Cas, Dean's like a doting father."

"More like a lover of someone who recently had a severe personality change." Bobby muttered and Dean felt his cheeks heat up.

"Whatever, I care about him, it's not that weird." Dean grumbled bitterly. "Can we just hang out now?"

"One more thing," Jet looked at Bobby seriously, "We recently figured out that being around Cas can cause nightmares; I'm not sure if it'd happen to you but right now he's showing us some shit."

"He's giving you nightmares?"

"Basically, yeah, except he's more like hand delivering his personal experiences in dream forms. They just happen to be scary fuckin' shit so it becomes a nightmare." Jet's tone was a little angry, not that he didn't often sound that way but Dean noted the hesitation this time. Jet didn't want to go to bed or see that shit again, Dean didn't blame him.

"I've had scary nightmares before, I can handle it." Bobby replied and glanced around the room, "So does this place have beer or do I have to go to town?"

"We've got better shit than beer," Dean smirked and headed to the liquor cabinet in another room. He understood that Bobby didn't take much of what they were saying seriously yet. He hadn't seen what they saw; he didn't see the piles of dead animals in cages or mutants gnawing at the cameras. There were no videos Bobby could reference to know what Castiel Novak was supposed to be or what had happened to him. Dean almost wanted Bobby to see the nightmares, just to give the man some context into Cas' mind. But maybe that was a cruel thing to think.

* * *

 

Their party with Bobby went until at least 1am, Bobby tired out and the others knew they'd have a long day of packing and moving. Dean had made a list of places they'd need to stop at and then gave it to Sam to add to it by the morning. He was pretty sure that Sam was done with classes for the week, it didn't seem like he'd want to do much else at that time. Sam was a smart kid, Dean was sure he'd kick the shit out of those exams without much trouble or attendance.

Dean retired to his room with Castiel and sat on the bed, eyes open and staring but not really seeing anything. He drank a bit but not enough to get him drunk, at least not in his opinion anyway. Dean was so happy that Bobby showed up, he was happy that Cas seemed to like him in the few hours they were around one another, but he was nervous about the next day. Cas was getting a little better every day, what if something new happened? What if he remembered something and ran off? Or wanted to find Dean and the others so he'd run out the door and fly around and get lost?

While Dean contemplated the number of ways the next day could go wrong Castiel curled up on the bed beside him and used his lap as a pillow. Dean was by no means in a position ready to sleep but he couldn't help himself around Cas. He remained sitting up at the edge of the bed and placed his hand on Castiel's shoulder, a smile on his face as he watched the subtle twitch of Cas' eyelids.

"I might be a bit tipsy," he muttered and ran his hand over Cas' hair. He remembered Jet saying he didn't give Cas enough credit, insinuating that Castiel could handle himself better than Dean thought he could. Maybe it was true. Maybe Dean really didn't believe in Cas as much as he should've, but he didn't know what the line was between protective and insulting anymore. He wanted to keep Cas safe, too much had hurt that poor guy already. But at what point was it condescending? He'd have to figure that out before Cas started to feel it.

"Sorry I'm such an idiot," he sighed and dropped backward, Cas grunted a bit at the change in position and crawled further up Dean's chest, looking up at his face with weary eyes. Dean looked down at Cas for a few seconds before sleep swooped in on him.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did someone say they wanted to know how Cas functions? Anyone looking for a Cas POV chapter? Well too bad because I wrote it anyway.

_Earlier that evening…_

Castiel recognized the lab after a few moments of being there. He remembered it was when Dean led him out of his old home, that glass circle with a dirt floor and his burrow. Cas looked up at the same thing Dean was staring at, there were squares with moving things inside of them like that the thing Sam had shown him earlier. He felt anxious and moved along the floor, he could still smell something familiar there, something that upset him.

He needed some kind of reassurance and signalled it, a light sound escaping him that caught Dean's attention.

"It's okay, Cas," Dean had said and smiled. Cas had heard him say that many times, the same sounding words mixing. He understood them clearer now; like it was a real language but he couldn't speak it. Cas felt relaxed when he heard Dean say that because nothing bad ever seemed to happen around those words. It was always okay in the end, Cas found that he usually got out of the situation without harm. So his rule was if Dean says 'it's okay Cas' then he would trust it.

With that in mind he wandered more freely, the space was a safe one. He didn't like its smell but it wasn't too bad, it was a faint and faded scent that only bugged him a little. It reminded him of before the time Dean came, his old master.

Wait…

Was master the word he wanted to describe him with?

Castiel felt more confused lately than ever. He could sometimes understand Dean's language though most of the time it was all just a blur. At that moment Sam and Jet were talking to one another but Cas couldn't understand a word. It was mumbled and fuzzy in his ears, like his mind just shut down and stopped attempting to translate. He wondered if he was supposed to know those words. He wondered if he was supposed to be able to hear them.

Different things around were clearer than the time before Dean as well; he couldn't remember having thoughts like he had now. He didn't ever get confused before, he didn't have to be, he never questioned anything and he didn't know if he even could. He felt like his brain was waking up, like there was something else in him.

The word human came to his mind many times. He questioned that word and what it meant; did it apply to him? Did he qualify as a human? Had he ever been? Dean seemed to think he was. Dean and the others were the first ones he ever heard say it, or at least the only ones who somehow got him to remember it.

"Castiel Nov….." Sam's voice rang and faded in his ears and Cas looked up.

That was familiar. He was Castiel, wasn't he? What was that last part was it important or something else? They often said his name, but it sounded different that time. Whatever it was it had Dean excited, Dean moved so quickly to Sam's side. They talked some more but Cas couldn't understand them, it was all muffled nonsense and his brain just wouldn't connect the dots. He was used to that but it was starting to frustrate him. He sighed to himself and moved on to look at different things, he didn't know what any of them were but at least it'd keep him busy.

As the others chatted he moved around the same level and peered at the equipment. Part of him felt like it was scary but Dean said it was okay. He stared hard at a stick that was jutting out of something else, he didn't want to be afraid of it if Dean said it was okay. Dean said 'it's okay, Cas' so it must've been alright. Cas felt a little bad for doubting, he wanted to prove to himself that Dean was right and he had no reason to worry about it. He reached for it and heard Dean's voice almost immediately;

"Cas, …..okay?"

Dean took his hand and Castiel followed his lead.

"Stay here with me."

He understood those words and it made him feel incredibly happy to hear them. Dean wanted him around; Dean didn't think he was a burden or too much trouble. Castiel felt a leap in his chest and he followed it right onto Dean, wrapping himself around and promising he'd never let go. He didn't care that they hit the floor, he didn't care that it hurt his hands a little. He knew something was wrong with him, he knew something wasn't right and he felt that maybe it was too big of a thing. Maybe he was too much to handle, too hard to stay with for long.

But Dean said it anyway. "Stay here with me." Castiel promised he would. He would stay forever if he was able to, as long as Dean wanted him there.

Dean sat up and touched his head, saying something else but Cas couldn't understand it. The tone of his voice was friendly though, so Cas didn't worry and kept pushing his face against Dean's. It was a little scratchy but he liked that. He liked everything about Dean's face.

Castiel stayed at Dean's side as the three continued to talk, every once in a while he heard his name and understood a random word but nothing was stringing together. He tried to focus on their conversation but his brain just wouldn't cooperate. It was still too overloaded and heavy, that weird clouded feeling always there to stop him from pushing forward.

The word animal came to mind many times. He remembered being called a beast a few times, that he was more animal than human. He remembered those words and he remembered the man that said it. He hated that man. Master he used to call him. But the old master was gone; Castiel hadn't seen him in a long time – he made sure of that.

He wondered what it meant to be more animal than human, to have the mind of a beast instead of a man. He understood better after he'd met Dean. His old master was a monster, had the mind of a monster and never seemed to be like Dean, Sam, or Jet. Those three were what Castiel understood as human. His own mind was more like an animal, he couldn't think like they did, he couldn't use language like them, and sometimes his brain would disconnect from human thinking entirely.

He wondered about his old master and what happened. He was pretty sure that Dean and the others talked about it. MacLeod was a commonly mentioned name; it was probably his old master's. Cas was certain he'd never be able to say it, he could barely say Dean, and even that didn't come out right.

Castiel decided that he wouldn't call MacLeod anything but that; master wasn't a word he needed to use anymore. Maybe for Dean…

"Cas, ….." Dean sounded so happy and Cas looked at him curiously, what had he said? Cas wished he knew. He also wondered what that little box was, they all seemed to have one.

Dean looked worried as he leaned in closer with the box, it made Cas worry too but he tried to stay calm. Maybe it was nothing, maybe he was supposed to do something that Dean said but didn't understand.

As he questioned the situation he saw a familiar face. It was him. It wasn't him, it was one of them. It was one of them.

It wasn't his reflection.

His heart rate sped up instantly and he reacted. It wasn't going to hurt him. It was a copy, it wasn't real. He was the real one. He wouldn't let it kill him.

It wasn't going to kill him.

It broke.

Shattered in his mouth leaving trails of pain where it had been.

Cas relaxed, it was gone. It wasn't going to kill him, it wasn't going to hurt Dean or Sam or Jet. It was dead. He shattered it.

The last two were weaker than all the others he remembered. He was happy MacLeod was dead, there were no more fights with copies.

Dean and the others kept talking and Cas didn't understand them but Dean moved closer to him to pick at his mouth. Cas held still and waited, happy that Dean would care enough to get anything out. It felt better when Dean was done. He pushed his cheek against Dean's hand as it ended and received another hair ruffle and something that sounded kind from Dean.

Then he heard MacLeod's voice. It was muffled and confusing but it was definitely him. Cas shrunk down and inched closer to Dean's side, completely pressed against Dean's leg. MacLeod was dead, he knew that, he made sure of it and felt it several days before. He didn't know where the voice was coming from; he couldn't see what they were all looking at.

His name was mentioned a few times and then MacLeod stopped talking. Cas remained very still and listened, he couldn't smell anyone new and the sound was a little different than normal. It was like if MacLeod spoke through to him in the white room, it came from somewhere above but he could always smell the man through his reflection. Cas sometimes wondered if that was his own smell, but he knew better when he was alone.

MacLeod talked again, this time it led to a familiar screeching sound. Cas bristled and looked around the room, no doors had opened and he couldn't smell anything. It was weird but he stayed close to Dean, not freaking out just yet.

It reminded him of when Sam showed him the tiny Dean in his box, Sam seemed really happy and Cas remembered feeling better when he saw it. The sound was kind of similar, something electronic to it. That didn't stop it from making him feel worried. The audio cut abruptly and Dean looked down at him and Cas looked up, unsure of what either was feeling he just blinked.

The sound came back again moments later right from where it had stopped. It wasn't real. Cas let out a small puff of air and tried to relax again. Nothing was happening, it wasn't real.

But it was still familiar. He recognized it somehow, like he'd been there before.

Dean and the others talked for a little bit again and soon Cas heard MacLeod talking more, just like the other one. He knew that it wasn't really happening but he didn't understand why he was hearing it. They were hearing it too; they were watching something that Cas couldn't see. He didn't want to see, though. Hearing it was enough already.

"..wonder if Cas… control…we see?" Dean said and Cas heard some of it, he sort of understood it but he didn't have context, he had no idea what Dean meant.

That was more trouble, Cas could hear sometimes but it didn't always make sense. When part of his brain would connect it wouldn't give him enough information. He wished he could speak like they did. They sometimes understood him when he tried but it didn't always work, most of the time he just felt like he was flailing around at a wall.

Cas waited until they finished, each sound picking at his brain more than the last. MacLeod was talking, he could hear the sounds of copies, it all made him feel very unwell. It all ended very fast but it left him wondering. Wondering if he should've watched, if maybe he'd understand better. Wondering if it was actually real somewhere, if maybe Dean and the others were just there for a short time. Castiel knew he wouldn't know if he never saw it, maybe time would tell but seeing what they saw could give him some answers.

The three were leaving but Cas leaned up toward the box, it smelled like MacLeod a little like everything down there. He wanted to see but didn't know how. He tried to call for Dean. "Deeeeeeee…"

It only got him a single sentence, "Come on, Cas." He was happy to understand it but he didn't want to hear it.

Maybe Dean was right, though. Dean usually knew best and if Dean thought he shouldn't see then maybe he wouldn't. Cas trotted up to Dean's side and did his best to show his appreciation for Dean looking out for him. He purred softly and brushed a wing over Dean, it created a smile and Cas felt like he'd done well.

He reached over for Dean's hand but wasn't sure if he should take it. Dean seemed uneasy about him before, hearing the copies and Cas didn't know what MacLeod had said. What if maybe Dean didn't want him to be so close?

But then Dean took his hand and Cas remembered his words "Stay here with me."

Castiel sighed lightly and held on tight, he trusted everything Dean said was truthful. He trusted Dean. He trusted he shouldn't watch what Dean had watched. He trusted that he was safe. But what if, just this time, Dean didn't understand? What if Dean didn't know that those copies weren't real? What if Dean thought the copies were as safe as Castiel was?

"Dee?" he wanted to ask, he wanted to tell Dean that the copies weren't safe. He wanted to make sure Dean knew. But he didn't know how to do that.

Dean was talking and Cas couldn't understand him until the final part "…I won't let anyone hurt you again, okay?"

Castiel stared and felt his chest get heavier and the space behind his eyes filled with pressure. He was barely able to comprehend what that could mean in its entirety before Dean was holding him. Castiel didn't have to do anything; Dean's protection was already there, his words, though difficult to hear, were strong for him. Cas let himself feel that safety for once, he'd never believed he was safe or free before Dean came. He never knew if he could trust the secluded safety of his old home, it was controlled by MacLeod so anything could happen in there.

But Dean was different. Dean made him smile, made him feel joy and excitement, and now Dean let him feel safe. Castiel cried for the first time since he promised himself he never would again.

"You recognized all those sounds from the videos, didn't you?" Dean whispered softly to him and Castiel nodded. He understood that sentence, he understood Dean's sorrow and he knew that it was for him. "I'm so sorry….." Dean's words melted away but Cas heard everything he needed to. He dug his fingers into Dean's shirt and clung there. He never wanted to move. He never wanted to step away from that safety net, but he knew he couldn't stay there forever.

But that was alright, because Dean would still be with him, and he would stay there with Dean.

He stepped back and Dean looked at him earnestly, "You okay?" it was concern for him and Castiel nodded, he really was. He held Dean's hand again and walked up the stairs the rest of the way.

Cas loved the hall after the basement, he loved the floor and how different the world above was from his old home. He felt overjoyed, like the world was lifted off of him and he was given something much more beautiful. Cas tried to tell Dean but Dean said something about bed. Cas knew what that word meant so he declined. He didn't want to sleep yet. He loved sleeping with Dean but he didn't want the day to end yet.

Then he heard something outside, it sounded like other mechanical things out there and he knew that sound meant someone new was there. Cas ran down the hall, he knew that they would try to move him if they'd heard what he did. He knew they would hide him, so he didn't tell them someone was there. Instead he opened the door to the new face of an older man who looked surprised to see him.

Cas didn't recognize the guy but there was something about his scent that just seemed friendly. He didn't get much chance to inspect the new guy before Dean rushed up and jumped on him. Cas wasn't sure how it made him feel, it was a different hug than what Dean gave Cas. What was this new person to Dean?

They were all very friendly with this man and almost seemed to forget that Cas was there at all. He followed them to the sitting room and inched closer to this 'Bobby' person. He leaned in and sniffed, he was pretty sure that it reminded him of Dean a little. There was something similar but he couldn't place it.

Bobby sounded a little irritated at him but more confused than anything. Cas moved away from that spot and went to Bobby's other side to see if maybe he could suss out what was so special about this old man. As the group talked Cas picked up on a few things, mostly that it was about him and MacLeod.

Cas decided Bobby was not a threat and he moved over to Dean's side, nestling in close and happily remaining at Dean's side throughout the night. It was interesting to catch different parts of the conversation, though mostly he listened to the tone of their voices. Dean was so happy that Bobby was there and knowing that made Cas feel much better about it. Dean trusted this Bobby, Dean felt very close to him. So did Sam, Jet was harder to read but Cas was sure he was happy too.

Dean, Sam, and Bobby all drank the same liquid, Jet had a glass but he didn't drink from it the way the others did. Cas wanted some but Dean wouldn't let him have it. He wondered more about what it was, he got to sniff it at one point and he was even less sure. It made Dean's breath smell funny too.

The night ended with everyone yawning and Cas happily followed Dean to their room. The only question he had on his mind was whether or not he'd dream that night.

The first time he'd ever done it he remembered he entered MacLeod's sleep. It was vivid and he felt so much control. His anger lashed out and he let his beast run wild. Cas learned about himself in there, learned the strength he could wield. It was scary the first time; he would stare at MacLeod and wonder if the man was real or not. Each dream he'd go closer. He could feel MacLeod's fear the longer it went on and he knew that something in those dreams was different. Castiel felt like he could fight MacLeod, like he could win something. Some like his freedom.

With Dean and the others he wanted to know them. He wanted to know what they were like, he had no ill intent, he wanted to know if he was truly safer around them than in his old home. He couldn't see what they had seen; he could only feel their presence. It was a much different dream than what he'd given MacLeod. He didn't want to hurt them so he touched their minds as little as he could when they slept.

Dean was his favourite when everyone was awake, but Cas was pretty sure that Sam was his favourite when they were asleep. Sam was so pure and it made Cas feel something new about himself. Like he was worth something, truly and honestly worth something more than he could ever imagine. It made him feel beautiful.

Dean gave him love. Cas could feel it unconditionally when Dean was asleep, but he could also kinda see it when Dean was awake too. It was tough to pick who his favourite was.

Jet's mind was weird to him, Cas' overall feeling from it was that Jet was protective of him but it came out more in a revenge sort of way. But there was something far more fearful in Jet than the other two, like he'd felt the same fear that Cas once felt, that powerlessness. Cas felt bad for putting Jet in the dream sometimes, Jet didn't wake up as easily as the other two did.

He knew that they were seeing his past. He wasn't sure how he knew, maybe it was when they woke up it became more clear, maybe he'd heard them say it. He didn't know, but he knew what it was and he wanted them to see it more. He hoped they'd be able to tell him what happened to him someday. He didn't know what happened, it was so distant and felt unreachable. A big mess of memories that weren't his but were at the same time.

Castiel decided he'd try to go easier on them, that maybe that night was good to let them be a little. Of course, Cas didn't always have control over it. He hoped that he wouldn't have nightmares too, that he'd be able to go easy on himself as well as them.

Regardless of how it would go, he was ready for sleep. Cas cuddled up close to Dean and happily dozed off, not caring what might happen because Dean was with him. They were safe.


	21. Chapter 21

Dean opened his eyes with the vague expectation of seeing Castiel curled up with him. He felt cold and couldn't move a muscle; he knew where he really was. Dean tried to take a deep breath but he couldn't do that either. A wash of anxiety struck him and tightened his chest, his breathing became rapid and his stomach started to twist into knots.

" _It's okay, Cas."_ Dean tried to say but knew it wouldn't reach. Cas' thoughts swarmed his mind and overtook his own rationalities. Dean couldn't find a way to tell himself it was just a nightmare.

Terror was a mild word in comparison to what Dean felt in the following moments. He could tell he was in a cage, the floor was hard and cold and he could see bars ahead of him. He wondered what had happened, if it was a continuation after the brain surgery.

His head hurt. It felt like it was going to split in two and all he wanted to do was throw up and scream.

There was a longing for people he didn't know. Cas was begging for his big brother to find him, for his friend Charlie to hunt him down, for anyone to come and save him before it got worse.

Dean didn't want to tell him that it would definitely get worse. That was not the last surgery, it was the first time Cas' body would be made into a science doll and it'd only happen more frequently from there.

He felt naked, not just physically but emotionally and mentally. He felt exposed and open with no way of hiding himself. Humiliation was left for people who still had dignity; he couldn't find that for himself.

As he felt the intense desperation seeping into his skin and corroding his nerves and pride Dean noticed something strange. The world around him flickered and darkened rapidly; he heard voices and muffled thoughts. It was as if reality was wavering, like it did it real dreams. The world around him transitioned and left him breathless.

Dean's heart beat rapidly as a bright light flashed and a new room slowly came into focus. It was purely white with two steel doors and a mirror. Dean recognized it but he could feel Castiel's confusion, as if it was the first time he'd ever been there. He could feel the spiraling worry and just how lost Castiel was. It felt like a heart attack, his breath came in short bursts and he couldn't focus. His chest ached and his limbs felt weak, Dean held himself against a wall and stared at the space around him.

The sound of metal moving had his attention briefly, he couldn't keep his mind on one thing long enough to really know what it was. He looked toward the steel doors warily and saw a naked, dark haired teen with scars all over his body. He knew who it was, he knew what it was, but that didn't stop Cas' questions.

_Is that me?_

_Am I me?_

_His face is just like mine. That's me._

_Then… who am I? Why is that me?_

_What's happening?_

_Where am I?_

_Help me._

Dean watched the other Castiel lift its head and there was a sound of a man's voice over an intercom.  _"Commencing tests of Subject 01 against Castiel Novak."_

He shook his head, "I don't want to be here." He said loudly and the world around him seemed to freeze entirely.

" _Me neither."_  A response to his words had Dean feeling skittish.

"Why are you making me see this?" Dean demanded to know, fear bringing a hoarse sound to his tone. "I know what happened to you, I get it, please don't do this to me."

" _I'm sorry, I can't help it."_

"Why not?"

" _I'm dreaming too, this is my nightmare. I'm sorry, Dean. I don't have complete control over myself."_

Dean held still for a few seconds as his mind managed to settle long enough to recognize who he was talking to. "You're… you're the real Cas, aren't you?"

" _You've met the real Cas already, he has wings and can't say your name right."_

"I know, I mean… you're talking to me, you're the part of him that remembers everything right?"

" _Something like that,"_

"How are you doing this?"

" _I don't know, it just started happening as more experiments went on. When I'm awake I can't think and this doesn't always happen when I dream. In fact it's been a while since the last time, but don't worry this won't end like that one did."_

Dean continued to try and fight off the frozen dread of his immediate situation but it wouldn't budge. It was mostly Castiel's, he figured. "What happened last time?"

" _MacLeod died."_

"You… did that?"

" _I did."_

Dean blinked a few times, at first unsure of how that made him feel but he shrugged after a moment, "Well good, I'm glad you got the chance."

" _I'm sorry, Dean. I will do what I can to wake you up."_

"What? What do you mean?"

" _The nightmare won't end when I wake, only when you do. I didn't mean to drag you into mine, I just wanted you to see what I saw."_

"I can watch the videos now, you don't have to put us through this." Dean reasoned, "And if you need to drag anyone in just do it to me, leave Sammy and Jet out of it."

" _I'm sorry, I can't control it that way. It hits everyone in my vicinity when I choose to share, and my mindset right now is that I want to share with you. I can't stop it."_

"And sometimes it turns into your actual nightmares…" Dean rubbed his face, "Okay… well thanks for telling me about it."

" _I hope you can forgive me,"_

"How could I even blame you? Nothing to be sorry for, Cas." He smiled despite the paused horror in the room. "I'll talk to you again soon, okay?"

" _I… I would appreciate that. Thank you, Dean."_

Before he could answer he felt something against his face. It hit hard and repeatedly, he struggled to move but he couldn't get away from it. The world started to move in fast forward and the strange Castiel across the space rushed at him, it jumped onto him and screamed as it swung at his face.

Dean shrieked and throttled the thing off of him, vertigo confused his head and he flailed about as he found himself lying on the floor. His breathing was sharp and pained, his eyes felt dry and stung as tears dripped from the corners. He gasped and sat upright, realizing he was in his bedroom.

Castiel shuffled closer to him from the wall across the room, his wings curled down against his back and his head kept low. He squeaked and Dean knew what had happened, he'd seen Jet do the same thing the morning before.

"Cas," he wheezed and forced himself to move, crawling closer to his hesitant friend despite heavy limbs. "Cas I'm so sorry, are you okay? Did I hurt you?" he muttered, happy to see that Cas didn't move away from him as he closed in. He hugged Cas close and rested his head on the other's shoulder as reality began to sink in again.

Cas' wings curved around them and folded over Dean like a cover, he was quiet but Dean could feel Cas' support all the same. "I'm sorry," he repeated softly as Castiel brushed fingers through his hair.

"It's…" Cas struggled to speak, "…okay, Dee."

Dean looked up, surprised more than anything he smiled, "Thanks Cas," What else was there to say to that? He hugged Cas again and settled down to rest in Cas' lap until he felt more like moving again. It was comfortable where he was; the warmth of another body countered the unfamiliarity of the floor.

He stayed there a little longer than he expected, he might've dozed off again but he felt a lot better when he noticed the light of the dawn slowly brightening the room. "I wonder what time it is," he yawned and stirred. Cas yawned right back though his ended in a squeak and made Dean smile.

"Think we should get up?" he asked and Cas shook his head, "You don't want to go to bed when I say, you don't want to get up when I say, what  _do_  you want?"

Castiel stared down at him and Dean knew that he wasn't completely understood. He smiled again and reached up to brush his fingers through Cas' hair. "You could use a bath," he muttered absently, noting that they hadn't actually done that yet. "Sorry Cas, we suck at taking care of people." Dean moved to get up anyway despite Cas' grumbling. He took Castiel's hand and led him out of the room, how hard could it be to bathe him alone?

As they walked down the hall he noticed a strange sound from a room nearby. Dean slowed down and paused before opening Sam's door, his little brother was still asleep though tense as hell. "Sam?" Dean whispered and snuck inside. He could hear the heavier breathing and saw Sam's hands clutching tightly at the sheets; it was the nightmare. Dean grabbed Sam's shoulder and shook him harder, "Sam, wake up."

His attempts were nothing like Cas' who leapt onto the bed and perched over Sam with sparked eyes. Cas shook him harder than Dean had and smacked at his face until a flutter of hazel eyes stared up in shock.

"Cas?" Sam stuttered and gasped for breath, he looked over at Dean with wide eyes and bewilderment. "What's happening? Wha-"

"Shhh," Dean moved to comfort him and gave him a reassuring hug, "It's okay, it was just Cas."

Sam sighed and dropped his face against the nook of Dean's neck, still breathing heavily and barely gathering his thoughts. "It changed part way through," he murmured, Dean could barely hear him, "the dream started in a cell but it changed to that testing room." He lifted his head and looked at Dean with watery eyes, "Cas was in there for so long, they made him fight over and over without a rest. I don't even know how long it was, it just happened like a blur and… and I…" his voice broke down and Dean puled him close again.

"It's okay, Sammy," he whispered and held tight, his chest aching for Sam's sake.

Castiel shuffled closer on the other side of the bed and nuzzled his face against Sam's, his hair slipping over Dean's skin. "It's okay, Sam." He said and Sam looked up almost as fast as Dean did earlier.

"Did you…" Sam sniffled and wiped his eyes, trying to look a little more presentable and gather himself, "Did you just tell me it'd be okay?"

Cas looked at Sam's face and though he looked unsure he whispered again, "It's okay, Sam."

Sam let out a choked laugh as he kept wiping tears off his cheeks, "I'm sitting here crying over what happened to him and he's there just telling me it'll be okay."

"I know what you mean," Dean smiled warmly at Cas then down at his little brother, "he did the same thing for me a while ago."

Sam sat up and moved to hug Castiel instead, a shaky sigh escaping him as he held on. "Thanks Cas,"

Castiel shielded both Winchesters with his wings and nuzzled Sam again, a soft purr rumbling in his throat.

Once the hug was over and Sam had collected himself, he looked at Dean with a little more concern, "Jet usually has more trouble than we do with these things… you think he's okay?"

Dean bit lightly at his bottom lip as he recalled the odd sounds he heard before entering Sam's room. "No, not if he's sleeping he isn't."

They got up and walked down the hall, they stood outside Jet's room and Dean was sure he could hear the same uncomfortable groaning though a little quieter now than it had been. As Dean prepared himself before entering Sam just opened the door to a dark room. It took a few seconds for their eyes to adjust but they could see a figure sitting on the bed.

Dean flipped the lights on as Sam crossed the room, "Jet?" they both said as they saw their friend sitting with knees up and his head down. Jet didn't flinch but a low whine did bubbling up in his throat. Sam reached out and gently tipped him backward while bringing his knees down. Jet's eyes were closed this time but he didn't seem any less alarming in Dean's opinion.

"Can you hear me?" Sam asked worriedly as he shifted Jet slowly, Jet's head had limply fallen over Sam's arm and rolled a little to the side. His legs slipped without support and he lay entirely in Sam's hold, unmoving.

"Is he breathing?" Dean asked as a familiar tightness encroached on his chest. "Does he feel warm?"

"He's warm, and he's making noise so I assume he's breathing," Sam replied anxiously as he leaned closer to Jet's face to feel for the air. "Jet, wake up. It's Sam, can you hear me?" He spoke louder this time and changed his hold on Jet to cup his face and look at him.

Dean had seen Jet in a catatonic state the other morning; he knew how scary it was. He also knew that Sam hadn't witnessed it and recognized how worried Sam was. "It's alright, he'll wake up." Dean reassured him but Sam wasn't accepting that as an answer just yet.

"Wake up, you idiot! This isn't funny!"

Cas hopped onto the bed and reached over to smack Jet's face, it wasn't a strong hit but he got a few in before Sam shooed him away too. "Don't touch him," he warned and Dean could see Sam still hadn't quite gotten over his own experience.

"Sam calm down, it's alright." Dean kept his best big brother tone in check as he slowly sat down on the other end of the bed. Sam had barely woken up a few minutes before in a wild and tortured state; Dean should've known better than to let him come with. "Jet's gonna wake up, we're all gonna be fine."

Sam took an unsteady breath and looked down at Jet, trying his best to listen to Dean. He recognized his own irrational behaviour and knew it wouldn't help anyone if he freaked out. Sam just held Jet a little closer and waited, carefully adjusting Jet's position until he was comfortably snug in Sam's arms.

Cas sat on the floor and looked at Dean as they waited together, Sam was slowly calming himself down though Dean could see that the dreams were really getting to him. When he woke up he always felt frazzled and freaked out but it usually left him be after a little while, he could distance himself from Castiel's reality. Jet practically fell into mini-comas and took the mental abuse head on. Sam seemed to be internalizing it, instead of letting it go he buried it. Dean wished he could get Cas to fix that dream thing, he really did.

They were sitting there together for a while; Dean didn't take his eyes off Sam as his brother rested. Sam's eyes fell closed after some time passed, Jet didn't move at all and Cas seemed to be intensely staring at the three of them. Dean could tell Cas had some kind of plan but he was too tired to try and figure it out.

And then, when both Winchesters had their guards down, Castiel burst forward and though Dean expected some kind of assault on Jet's face he was pleasantly surprised when his wingman grabbed Sam by the back of the head and forced his face down against Jet's. Though Sam struggled to sit up immediately Cas didn't let go and it took a few seconds longer.

Dean was pretty sure that the speed at which Cas moved and brought Sam's mouth against Jet's would hurt like a bitch. In fact, Cas might as well have just slapped Jet around; it could've hurt a little less.

Sam pulled away and hissed in pain, a confused glare tossed Cas' way.

"Not that I mind the kiss," Jet mumbled and just the sound of it made Dean grin, "but maybe next time could you be a little more gentle, Sam?"

Sam rolled his eyes and tossed Jet off his lap, "Whatever, I didn't do it on purpose."

Jet groaned from his new spot on the floor and slowly sat upright, Dean could see he was still wrapping his mind around reality. Jet's breathing was a bit heavier but he was trying to hide it, "So… what're you guys doing up so early?"

Dean did his best to roll with Jet's attempted cover up and just shrugged, "Figured I'd get a head start on the day."

"Yeah," Sam agreed tiredly and walked to the door, "I'll catch you guys downstairs."

"You know Sam, it's okay to give a shit about me." Jet called after him but Sam was gone without a response. "Jesus fuckin' Christ." He muttered and looked at Dean, that little attempt at seeming fine draining out of his face. "I'm so tired of this, man."

"I know," Dean smiled reassuringly though he knew it wasn't going to do Jet much good. "I am too, but I did get to talk to Cas."

"Like normal functioning Cas?"

"Yeah, he says he can't really control it that well. He hasn't really meant to put us in any kind of torture, he just wanted us to get an idea for what happened to him."

Jet scoffed and looked at Cas, "Well we get it dude, could you not?"

"He'd stop if he could," Dean replied defensively, "Don't give him shit for it."

"I know, I know," Jet rubbed his eyes and started to get himself to a standing position, "I'm just tired."

"Sorry," Castiel managed to say and Dean watched as Jet stared blankly at their feathery friend for a few seconds. "I'm sorry, Chet."

"You know," Jet laughed a little, "considering I could've been stuck with 'Dee,' being called Chet isn't so bad."

"He gets Sam's name right." Dean grumbled though he couldn't help but feel proud that Cas was talking. He was also pretty happy that Cas talking got Jet and Sam to calm down in separate settings.

Jet reached over and ruffled Cas' hair, "It's okay, Cas." He sighed a little lighter this time, "I'm not mad at you, it's my dumbass fault I can't wake up like a normal idiot."

Dean nodded, "True."

"Fuck off, bro, I'm trying to make Cas feel better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I've been receiving some amazing comments recently and I'm so happy that you guys are still enjoying this despite my random absences. That being said, I had time to bust through another chapter so here you go, two in one day :D


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, hope you're having a decent start to your holiday season! Thanks for all the well-wishes and support, I really appreciate it! If you ever want updates on chapters or whatever my zafiction account on tumblr will be the place to check for them, see where I'm at etc. Enjoy the chapter! I struggled with it lol

It was just after 8 in the morning and the three young men sat in the living room with glazed eyes. A yawn passed between them like a wave every now and again, always seeming to miss Castiel. Dean sat with Cas snuggled up next to him on the couch as the TV played some random crap on Netflix, Jet was on the other end of the couch and Sam was as far from Jet as he could be. Dean thought to comment on it but he didn't bother. He knew Sam was upset about the kiss thing.

That day was going to be hell and Dean knew it. He'd spend most of it away from Cas and wind up moving tons of boxes that he didn't want to have anything to do with. Sure, it was his crap but he really didn't wanna do it. He wished Jet had called the moving company before Bobby arrived, that way they'd have at least a little less to do that day.

Dean looked back and forth between Sam's slowly blinking face and Jet's mid-yawn, "I wanna call a moving company," he decided and both nodded without a word having to be spoken about it, "Bobby will forgive us I think."

"We'll have to tell them to just leave the stuff at the front door though," Jet mumbled with closed eyes, "The issue isn't Bobby's disapproval here."

"Right," Dean gazed down at Cas who was curled up with his head in Dean's lap, wings fluttering subtly every little while.

"Wonder if he had nightmares too…" Sam furrowed his brow and glanced toward the stairs, his gaze conveniently avoiding Jet's general location.

"I don't think he's been around Cas long enough," Dean grumbled as he slowly pulled himself upright, completely disrupting Castiel who was grunting his displeasure in being woken up. "Sorry buddy," Dean ruffled his already dishevelled hair and walked toward the door.

Luckily for them Bobby was already heading inside, "I thought I heard somethin'," he smiled a little and looked at them with a curious eye. "What kinda hell woke you boys up today?"

"Cas'," Sam replied without moving any unnecessary muscles, "Did you get any nightmares?"

"A little, but I don't remember 'em."

Dean couldn't tell if Bobby was serious or just saying that to keep them at ease. For his own sanity's sake he decided to go with the first option and leave it at that. "So… we were thinking we'd get a moving company anyway and just get them to ditch the stuff at the front door. Think you could keep Cas from getting out?"

Bobby shrugged, "Doesn't sound like it'll be much trouble."

' _Yeah, keep telling yourself that,'_  Dean thought with a smile and nodded, "Okay then we'll get this show on the road, everybody's up anyway."

"Can we get breakfast first?" Jet had turned to peer over the couch; all Dean could see were dark, pleading brown eyes.

"Obviously."

Sam sighed and pushed himself up to his feet too, "Alright, I got the list of places we need to hit up so let's do it."

Dean went back to the couch and leaned over to nudge Cas' arm, getting a sleepy look for his efforts, "Hey Cas, I'm going out for a bit okay?"

Castiel blinked at him a few times but didn't seem to quite get it. Dean smiled and brushed his fingers over Cas' hair, tucking strays behind his ear. "See you later." With that said he followed Sam and Jet toward the door, the keys to the Impala jingling in his pocket. "Take care Bobby, and if something happens call Sam or Jet."

"Don't drop this on us," Jet retorted playfully and Sam rolled his eyes.

"Dean let Cas eat his phone yesterday, remember?"

"Oh… right…"

Bobby chuckled and gave a short wave, "Have fun, don't bite each other's heads off."

"No promises," Sam called over his shoulder as the door closed behind them. The three hustled their way to the car and piled in, Jet called shotgun and though Sam would've normally fought him for it the claim went unchallenged. Sam still didn't want to deal with that just yet.

Dean drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and looked up at the rear view mirror, "Where to first, Sammy?"

"Breakfast, I thought."

"Right, but where?"

Jet scrunched his nose at that, "Why does he get to pick?"

"'Cause I said so, now shut up."

Sam smiled and shrugged, "I guess Biggerson's?"

"Biggerson's it is," Dean grinned and cranked the tunes before he tore down their new drive-way.

* * *

The restaurant was packed and Dean briefly wondered what day it was, whether Sam should've been at school, or what the hell was going on. He glanced at his brother as they entered but Sam didn't seem bothered by it. In fact his eyes were following a waitress with a pot of coffee in her hands, though Dean thought it might be for the pretty waitress he knew that Sam's gaze was fixed on the black drink she carried.

Jet led the way to the 'Please Wait to be Seated' sign and leaned against the podium, looking at the host with a smirk that almost convinced Dean that Jet had slept that night. "Table for three, you got room?"

The young man looked at them with a slightly creased brow and a look that told Dean they might be waiting a few minutes before the man even spoke, "It'll be a few minutes,"

"Figured," Jet sighed and looked at the other two with a shrug, "Isn't it a friggin' weekday?"

"It is," the host replied, "however there was a large group in for breakfast today, looked like some kind of event. A table should be cleared for you momentarily, I'll let you know once we can seat you."

"Thanks," Dean gave a short wave and turned to look at Sam as the man walked away, "he looks familiar."

"I know," Sam muttered as he looked down at his phone, tapping away at Dean-didn't-know-what. "His face… I've seen him before but I don't know where-" he paused and looked up again at the host who was directing a waiter. Sam's eyes were wide and Dean was pretty sure he stopped breathing. "That's Michael Novak." He whispered just barely audible.

Dean and Jet both whipped their heads around to look at the man again, his hair was similarly dark like Castiel's but his back was turned, Dean couldn't tell much else from there. "You sure?"

"Positive, that's definitely him." Sam turned his phone over to Dean who looked at the Facebook photo. The first things he noticed were the same blue eyes and chiseled jaw that were just facing them moments ago stared up at him from the screen in his hand.

"Yeah," Dean muttered, unsure how he felt about it as Jet snatched the phone from him. He unintentionally ended up staring at Michael as the man finished what he was doing and turned his attention back to them. He seemed slightly unnerved by their stares but smiled anyway and mouthed 'one moment' as he lifted up his index finger.

"I see the resemblance, sorta," Jet handed Sam's phone back to the younger Winchester and crossed his arms, "So then that brings us to a new dilemma; do we tell him now?"

Dean bit his lower lip and could barely imagine how that would go. Of course they'd tell the truth but Michael would have full right to take Cas away. "You think he'd want Cas?"

"Depends," Sam looked at Dean with a raised eyebrow, "Would you demand a trio of strangers hand me back if we were in the same scenario?"

"You know I would," Dean frowned and tried to keep his eyes away from Sam's judgement, "but I don't want to lose him, what if we never see him again?"

"Dude," Jet grabbed his shoulder and turned him so they were face to face, "chill, okay? We have some time and we know where he works. Plus we had his Facebook and didn't message him before so how does it change now? We'll tell him when we think Cas is ready,"

Dean took a calming breath and nodded, Jet was right. Just because Michael was in front of them didn't mean anything had changed, they had the option to tell him earlier and didn't. Michael was physically present which made it feel more urgent but Dean did his best to keep Jet's comments in mind. "Good point, so we'll just keep it to ourselves-"

"Did you say Cas?" An unfamiliar female voice asked from behind Sam, the three guys turned to see a redheaded woman that caused a similar recognition in them as Michael had.

"Uh," Sam stuttered and looked at Dean with wide eyes and a gaze that begged assistance with the situation.

"What?" Dean feigned ignorance and aimed a full-tooth grinned at her, a 'we're obviously trying to cover up' move he was sure Sam would try to punch him for.

"You just said Cas, didn't you?" She repeated as she furrowed her brow and stepped closer, Dean worried she'd been standing there long enough to know what Cas they might've been talking about. With natural Winchester luck he was almost certain she'd heard the whole thing.

"Yeah," Jet replied to her so casually Dean wondered briefly if Jet even gave a shit anymore. "Our friend, Cassie, you know her?"

The girl paused and looked at the two Winchester boys for a second then back at Jet, "No… sorry, I was pretty sure it was someone else…" She seemed to bite at the inside of her cheek for a moment before Michael called over them.

"Charlie, what're you doing here?" he walked past the waiting boys and went right to her, "I haven't seen you since Christmas."

"Been out of town," Charlie smiled, both her and Michael unaware of the anxiety growing in Dean and the other two. "Looking around, you know, hunting down the last bits of clues I could find."

"Hmm," Michael hummed distantly and turned his gaze toward the floor, "did you find anything?"

"Just a dead end that pointed back here," she shrugged as she spoke; her tone was surprisingly upbeat to Dean's ears. He knew they were talking about Cas, he'd seen the posts they left on his page. "But I didn't come here to tell you that, was wondering if you guys might have an opening somewhere? Maybe part time?"

Michael raised an eyebrow at her then glanced at Dean and the others, suddenly wary of their presence. "We might, let's talk later okay?"

"Why are you hosting, anyway?" Charlie laughed, "Weren't you promoted to manager last year?"

"Someone called in today," Michael turned away from her and smiled at the others, "Sorry about the wait, please come with me."

"Sure," Dean shrugged and happily walked away from Charlie's curious eye.

"We don't want to interrupt," Sam added politely to which Michael shook his head.

"Not at all, don't worry about it." He glanced back, not at them but toward Charlie. Dean could feel there was some more history there than he could guess at.

As they settled down and looked at the menus Dean glanced at Jet, "Decent save, man."

"She didn't buy it," Jet replied calmly, "I can tell by the look she gave me, she's a liar too."

"You don't have super powers, Jet. And this isn't a movie, talk like a normal person." Sam muttered angrily, Dean really wished their tension could be toned down for a little while but apparently Sam wasn't having any of that.

Jet on the other hand just shrugged it off, which, Dean knew, would just irritate Sam even further. "Just sayin', she knows what I said about you-know-who and I'm guessing we'll see more of her soon."

"As long as it's a little later than sooner I'm good," Dean sighed and put his menu down, "Today hasn't started off so great, I hope Bobby's doing alright."

"He can handle a feather-weight," Jet smirked at him, "Bobby's a tough dude, don't count him out so fast."

"We'll get a call if it gets weird," Sam added as he placed his menu with Dean's, "though I'm not sure if we'd be any help regardless."

"I'm still trippin' over the fact that we ran into both Michael and Charlie in the same five minutes," Jet was quick to change the subject before Dean started to worry some more. "Sounds like she's on a mission too."

"I don't know if I'm happy or sad she hasn't given up yet…" Dean didn't want to imagine what they'd say once they found out.

Sam nodded quietly, a slight hum in his throat. "So who's calling the moving people?"

"I would if I had a phone," Dean snarked and Jet rolled his eyes similarly to how Sam had done throughout the day so far.

"I'll do it," Jet snarled grumpily and took out his phone.

"Great," Sam looked at Dean next, "The closest place to here is the DMV so we can update our address after breakfast."

"Can we eat before we plan the whole day?" Dean took on a pleading look, "Or at least can I drink coffee?"

Sam nodded firmly, "Good idea, I might mess it up if I do it before coffee…"


	23. Chapter 23

Bobby sat quietly in an armchair watching Netflix; whatever the others left on was good enough at that time. He glanced at the couch every now and then to make sure Castiel was still there, the winged boy was curled up and snoozing, no trouble yet. Bobby sighed and looked back at the TV, feeling extremely out of place in such a ritzy room. The furniture was well-made and clearly taken care of; everything seemed to have some kind of value to it in one way or another. He couldn't ever explain what made it feel so fancy, it just was. The ceilings were too high, the décor was too nice – or existed at all, and there were hand-crafted trimmings along the walls, ceiling, and other places he didn't care to look at.

Seeing the boys sitting in that room made his head spin, not one of them looked like they belonged there, not even Sam. Sam he could picture in a modern-style house, something fancy, sure, but nothing as old as the place they were in now. Dean had asked for Bobby's help, advice, something to assist them in sorting all the craziness out. He knew that part of that was Castiel's existence, something about MacLeod and other science-y things. But he couldn't help but come up with other suggestions. His first would be that they move to a more suitable home, something that didn't feel like it came out of a period film.

Another thing he'd suggest would be to keep up with their studies and continue going to school, though Dean seemed to think that they'd do that anyway. Somehow he doubted it, but he'd been wrong before so keeping his business to himself sounded like a good idea.

He still remembered how much Dean protested moving in the first place; it made his chest feel heavy just thinking about it. Bobby hadn't wanted to lose them but he knew that a go-nowhere place wasn't good enough for those boys. He wanted the best for them; he didn't want Dean to end up in a junkyard selling crap like he did. Not that Dean wouldn't do it of course; he had no doubts in his mind that Dean would probably be content with it.

But Bobby knew that Dean was something more than just what Dean could be happy with. Sam always aimed high; Sam had a sense of self-worth that Dean never showed and for that Bobby was relieved. Dean was protective and loyal to a fault; he'd stick with his family no matter what but always seemed to leave himself out of the equation.

It was just a Dean trait, Bobby had worked on it over the years but it was still there in some shape or form. Dean still had moments where he defaulted to self-sacrificing, even in small doses; but it didn't happen as often or as seriously as it used to. Bobby managed to convince Dean, possibly more on a subconscious level, that he mattered and he was worth taking care of.

Bobby often found himself questioning the decision to push the boys out the door, that maybe he should've let them stay home and do nothing for a little while and find their bearings in the world. He never mentioned that to them, though. The last thing he needed was Dean attempting to convince him to let them come back.

Besides, he didn't regret the choice. He missed them a lot and he wished he could see them more but he valued their experiences, he wanted them to push themselves. Before the phone call that got him out to that mansion Bobby never thought twice about his money situation, he knew he'd never be able to move away from his lot. Now, though, he was unsure. He was content where he was at, he could stay in that junkyard for the rest of his life. He hadn't ever had the means to question that belief, there was no option B, his financial situation was a final statement in the matter. But now he could think about it and the idea scared him a little. He felt like maybe he was too old to do anything other than what he knew, he was stuck in his ways and very few things could change that.

As Bobby contemplated the new surroundings and possibilities in his and the boys' lives he didn't notice the stirring on the couch. At least not until a wing stretched out into his vision. Bobby looked over at Castiel who was yawning and stretching his muscles, barely waking up.

"Mornin'," he huffed with a slight laugh, still unsure of what to make of a winged man wandering about.

Castiel chirped a reply and folded his wings behind him, the feathers fluttering into place. Bobby had to admit, Cas was kinda adorable in a lost puppy sort of way. He understood why Dean had taken such a liking to him.

"Whatcha wanna do?" He asked out of habit and realized that there was a possibility Cas would just stare at him. Luckily the sound of Castiel's stomach answered the question. "Breakfast is a pretty good idea, kiddo." Bobby got up from his chair and headed to the door, "Now, where's the kitchen at?"

As he left the room Castiel was right on his heels, glancing about with perked up wings, "Dee?"

"Not here, went to get some stuff."

"Sam? Chet?"

"With Dean," Bobby tried not to laugh at the name pronunciation, making a mental note to use those later.

Castiel hummed thoughtfully and shuffled around so he could see Bobby's face, keeping up and staring at him as they walked. Bobby glanced down and was at a loss for what to say so he just kept walking, hoping he'd find the kitchen before dark. Cas grunted and pointed at him.

"What, me?"

Cas nodded.

"I'm Bobby Singer."

"Bubby," Cas repeated and Bobby sighed.

"No, Bobby."

"B… Buhb…" Cas struggled and stopped walking, all his focus on attempting to speak.

Bobby felt a little bad for even correcting it in the first place. He turned around found the old patience he used to have when Sam and Dean were growing up. "Say 'baw',"

Cas cleared his throat first, "Baaww…"

"Good, now say 'bee'."

"Bee!" Cas lit up, Bee was very close to Dee.

"Yeah! Now together, Baw-"

"Baaww"

"Bee."

"Bee!"

Bobby couldn't help but smile watching Cas light up while saying that. "Baw-bee."

"Baaww-Bee, baaaaawwww-bee."

"Great job," Bobby gave him a thumb's up and kept walking, "C'mon Cas, where's the kitchen?"

Castiel hopped along after him chanting happily, "Baaaaww-bee, Baw-bee, Baawww-bee,"

Even without Dean and the others there to explain it, Bobby was pretty sure he understood what was going on with Cas. Once in a while the boy showed he understood, he showed he could learn and was more human than anything else. Other times he devolved, couldn't understand at all, talked in chirps and grunts, and even acted a little like a child. Bobby wasn't sure why it was happening but he could tell that it was a thing he'd have to deal with throughout the day.

With no help from Cas whatsoever Bobby discovered the kitchen within in the following 20 minutes or so. He gawked silently at how big it was and noted how weird some state-of-the-art equipment looked with the rest of the dated furniture. He was no interior decorator, or anything, but he watched enough TLC to know that the room's design wasn't working.

"Wonder what these kids have in the fridge," he mumbled as he opened it up. To his surprise they stocked it with a few things, though nothing spectacular. "Yep, still thinkin' like college kids." He laughed and grabbed the bacon and eggs.

Bobby did his best to keep his mind on the same page about Castiel. When he saw Cas he immediately thought to treat him like any young adult, but he had to remind himself that Cas wasn't up to par on those standards. He wanted to hear more about the human experiments that Sam had started talking about the day before, the mad-scientist shenanigans and all that. Part of him was wary of it, though. He could see that Castiel was all too real, no one was playing a prank there; those wings were the real deal. Which meant that whatever experimentation happened was just as real, and it was probably as gruesome as Bobby could imagine it to be.

Castiel shuffled around Bobby as he fried up their meal, sniffing the air and staring at the process like he'd never seen it before in his entire life. "Dean said you eat like a horse, hope I made enough." Bobby said absently, he didn't mind talking to Cas even if Cas might not understand him. It was like talking to little kids, they were listening and learning from everything said even if they couldn't respond properly yet.

As he'd been taught Castiel moved to the table and sat, he waited with wide eyes as Bobby carried the plates over, bacon, eggs, and toast ready to go. The second it was placed in front of him Cas nearly dropped his face into it but he stopped half way and looked at the fork next to him. A low, displeased grunt escaped him and he grabbed the utensil. The scene happened very quickly but Bobby was so happy he got to witness it, at that point it was the funniest thing he'd seen all day.

* * *

Food and dishes were out of the way and Bobby found himself sitting with Cas on the couch watching Orange is the New Black. Bobby's feet were propped up on the coffee table he moved closer and within half an hour or so Cas began to mimic his posture. It was a little tougher for Cas, though. His wings wound up resting splayed out; though getting them to a comfortable position proved tedious and involved hitting Bobby a few times.

They were pretty comfortable when Bobby got a text, he checked to see that Jet sent him a 'movers will be there soon I forgot to text earlier' message. Bobby sighed and got up, he looked at Cas and lifted his index finger, "One second, you stay there."

Castiel made a throatal-noise but didn't budge; he seemed to enjoy his slumped laziness. Bobby walked over to the door and made sure it was locked and the latch was closed. He looked at it for a few seconds and decided he'd have to install some more security in the place later on. He then went back to the couch and sat down, propping up his feet as well.

He figured he had it all under control, as far as he knew Cas wouldn't be aware of the lock. He kept an eye on Cas, of course, and noticed the twitch in his wings. Bobby reached over and put his arm around Cas' shoulders and pulled him over, "Pretty good show, huh?"

Castiel looked toward the door then up at Bobby, he pointed and grunted short little noises in quick succession.

"I know someone's here, it's not Dean."

"Dee!"

"No, it isn't Dean." He tried to reassure Cas but Castiel was having none of it.

"Baw-bee!" Cas retorted angrily and struggled against Bobby's arm, it only took a few powerful flaps of his wings before he managed to knock Bobby away from him. Castiel dashed to the entrance and tried to open it but the door wouldn't cooperate. He tugged again and flapped his wings for assistance, "Dee!" he called and stopped to listen to the goings on outside. He frowned, his wings slowly lowered and he stood there listening through the door.

"Told ya," Bobby grumbled as he walked over, adjusting his hat. His disgruntled demeanour quickly melted when Cas looked up at him with big, sad eyes like he'd just watched his favourite toy get stolen. Bobby exhaled heavily and reached out to take Cas' hand, "C'mon kid, let's go sit down."

Cas took his hand and followed him back to the living room, "Dee...?" he asked softly and Bobby gave his hand a squeeze.

"He's coming back, it's okay."

That seemed to do the trick; Cas smiled a little and stepped closer to Bobby's side. "It's okay," he repeated quietly. "Sorry, Baw-bee."

"Don't worry about it," Bobby couldn't help but smile too, "I've taken harder hits than that." He settled them down on the couch again and attempted to keep a straight face when Cas tucked a wing behind his back and curled around him. It was kinda like a very long, feathery arm there and Bobby found he didn't mind at all, in fact he felt a little honoured.

"You're a good kid, Cas." He said and to his surprise Cas' reaction was a cheek-nuzzle, apparently he'd understood that one.


	24. Chapter 24

"I think it's all done," Sam said as he folded up his list, "Now we just gotta head back home and haul our shit inside." He looked over at Jet with a slightly worried expression, "What did you tell the movers to carry over?"

Jet shrugged, "Well they had to pack up everything so I told 'em to just grab it all and we'd sort it out later."

"Even the shitty furniture?"

"I'm not that dumb, no not that shitty furniture." Jet smirked as he mocked Sam's tone, "Chill, it's just everything else."

"Yeah…" Sam sighed walked over to the Impala where Dean was leaning against the side, "If you two weren't hoarders I wouldn't worry so much about it."

"We don't hoard," Dean rolled his eyes with an over-tired laugh, "we're collectors."

Sam didn't buy it and Dean didn't care, he was a little distracted. "I hope Cas is doing okay, we've been gone all day, it's like 7pm." He muttered whilst looking at his watch.

"Bobby's got him, don't worry about it." Sam reassured him, after all Bobby hadn't called them the whole time so nothing too bad must've happened.

"You're right, though I'm sure Cas gave him some trouble."

Jet laughed, "Obviously, Bobby's a crab and Cas tends to act like a toddler. I can't see that old dude handling a grown child all that well."

"He dealt with you two," Sam commented somewhat defensively for Cas' sake. Though it was insulting to Dean at the same time he couldn't help but appreciate Sam's efforts to defend Cas too.

"Jet quit calling Cas a child, he's not like that because he wants to be."

"I'm not saying it to be an ass I'm just describing his behaviour, it's the fuckin' truth so get over it." Jet brushed them off and opened the passenger door but paused for a second; Dean could see the wheels the turning and he knew Jet felt a little bad for it. Not that Jet would ever say so, but Dean could see it and that was enough.

They travelled out of town with their moving to-do list nearly finished; groceries packed in the trunk, and mostly tired dispositions. Dean was pretty excited though, he wanted to see Castiel and make sure his feathered friend was doing alright. Cas had only been in his life for a few days but Dean had a feeling that they'd be together for a long time yet.

With his mind focused on the road and Castiel at home, Dean didn't notice much about the surroundings or Jet and Sam's vague bickering. He did hear a little of it, enough to know it was stemming from several nights of little sleep and stupid shit. Something about Jet needing a haircut and a retort of 'you're one to talk.' Dean zoned out of it soon after that exchange, though. He hoped Cas would greet him like last time, that surprised and awed look like Dean had just come back from war or something.

He looked forward to seeing Cas' smile when the realization hit that Dean was home for real. He wanted to get the hug he knew was coming his way, Cas never held back or felt awkward about hugging and that made them all the better. Plus there was the extra comfort of folded wings that Cas sometimes wrapped around him.

"You're right, he does have the weirdest smile right now…" Sam's voice broke into his imagination and kicked the shit out of it. Dean frowned and looked at the two grinning assholes in his car.

"I don't wanna know what you guys are smiling about, do I?" He grumbled irritably.

"Depends, do  _we_  want to know what  _you_  were smiling about?" Jet said with a slight bounce of his eyebrows that Dean wanted to punch off his face.

"It's nothing, I was just thinking that Cas is gonna be excited when we show up, that's all."

"I knew it was about Cas," Jet turned to look at Sam who nodded knowingly.

"So what?" Dean scrunched up his nose at them in a sneer and angrily kept his eyes on the road.

"Uh…" Jet trailed off as he stared toward the back of the car and Dean shook his head.

"Shut up, I don't wanna hear it."

"No, it's not that, look behind us." Jet pointed past Sam through the back window, "We've got a tail."

Dean glanced at his mirrors and spotted a car, kinda beat up but still more than 30 years younger than his baby. While he could see it was a little ways behind them, perfect following distance, he couldn't see any merit to Jet's statement. "It's just a car driving down the highway, dude."

"Well I've seen it everywhere we've gone today, if that helps." Jet's tone had shifted from the playfulness it had before and into something more serious. Dean could tell there were violent thoughts in his friend's head but he chose to believe that they were going to stay that way.

Sam turned around and looked back, "Are you sure?" he asked as he squinted a little, "I didn't see it…"

"Trust me," Jet kept his eyes on the mirror next to him, his jaw tense and breathing calm.

"So what should we do?" Sam sounded a little worried, "I mean, assuming that we do have a tail."

"Well first off what the hell would they want?" Dean looked at his mirrors again, his brow slowly creasing as paranoia started to set in. He didn't want to believe it but Jet didn't mess around with that kind of thing, at least not usually and not when it was an actual possibility.

"If I were a bettin' man I'd say it was Charlie," Jet smirked as he spoke, "that car looks like it's been through as much hell as she has."

"That's awesome," Dean sighed and looked at the mansion, "Well she'll have put it all together that MacLeod's old place is probably tied to Cas so let's just go home."

They did just that and Dean watched as the other car slowed down further down the highway and stopped well before the turn off. He was sure she was thinking a mile a minute about the whole thing and had no doubts they'd be seeing her very soon.

On the other hand he had to take in the sight of all their shit piled up at the front door of their new home, he stifled a laugh at how ridiculous it looked in comparison. "Our stuff is pretty crappy compared to the luxury we're living in now."

"Speak for yourself, I like my shitty jeans." Jet smirked as he hopped out of the car and looked back just as Dean had. However instead of just looking Jet waved, there was no way the driver would hear him so he didn't shout like he normally would've.

"We're just going to face this now, huh?" Sam leaned on the car's roof, an eyebrow raised at Jet's antics.

"Better when we know it's happening than when we're not prepared." Jet replied as he dropped his arm, "Check it out, she's coming this way."

Dean and Sam looked to see that the car had started up again and was in fact coming down their drive way. "What the hell are we supposed to tell her!?" Dean felt panic swelling up in him despite trying to shove it back down.

"Dude I get you're scared they're going to take him," Jet looked at him with a sort of calmness that Dean didn't appreciate, "but think about it for a second; Cas hates being away from you for half a day. He'd never let them take him, not a chance. You have nothing to worry about."

"What if he remembers them and wants to go with them instead?"

Jet slammed his hand down on the car suddenly making both Winchesters jump, "Fuck! Fuck off with that shit! You guys keep jumping on me and getting in my fuckin' face about being sensitive about Cas, well guess what? You're the ones being assholes about the whole damn thing! You keep acting like he can't do anything or he's completely helpless, like even the tiniest bit of truth spoken about his situation might break him in half. You treat him like a baby or a special needs kid. You get pissed at me for saying he acts that way, and yeah I'm no poet when I say it but you never have any goddamn faith in him!"

Sam and Dean looked at one another when Jet paused to take a breath, their friend's face was starting to show extra colour and Dean was pretty sure he could see a vein on his neck. Sam sighed as he saw the other car pull up and looked back at Jet, "Jet, it's not-"

"No, shut up I'm not done giving you shit yet." Jet snapped, a furious look in his eye as he turned it back to Dean, "Do me a fucking favour and give Cas some credit. He's not an object that can be stolen from you, he has better senses than all of us, he can fly, he's strong as hell and he gives people nightmares just by being around him. Castiel isn't stupid or weak so stop worrying about stupid shit."

Dean opened his mouth to retaliate but he had nothing, Jet made a good point and was probably one of the only ones treating Cas like a normal person. "I get what you're saying," he spoke calmly, surprised by the fact that he found no rage to counter with, "Cas isn't a baby but… at the same time he isn't like us either. I know I shouldn't treat him like he's stupid and I don't think he is, I just… I don't know, I guess I can't find the right balance." He glanced over at the strange car and saw Charlie standing outside of it, her face pinched in what he assumed was enraged confusion. Dean rubbed his face as if that might push away any bits of sleep that were creeping up on him, "I really care for him, okay? I can't help but worry about him, he's been hurt really badly and I just need to keep him safe."

Jet's expression relaxed and he took a slow breath, "Well… alright, I'm sorry I freaked out but you needed to hear it."

"Yeah," Dean laughed tiredly and looked over at Charlie, "What's up?"

"Where… is Castiel?" She asked almost timidly, Dean could understand why though. She was in the middle of nowhere with three strange men, all of them tall and looking pretty strong to boot. It didn't help that she arrived while Jet was pissed, either.

"He's inside," Sam offered a friendly smile though none of them were sure how far that would go.

"Deeeeeeeee!" They heard seconds later from beyond the door as it rumbled slightly.

"He heard me," Dean smiled, his focus solely on the entrance now. He heard a distant click and then watched as the doors swung open. A flutter of white feathers was left in Cas' wake as he rushed down the steps and launched himself into Dean's arms.

"Hey Cas! How's it going?" Dean said cheerfully as Castiel nuzzled him aggressively with accompanying whimpers.

"Dee," he whined and moved to lick Dean's mouth a few times before pressing his cheek to the other side and rubbed again. His wings barely held still, little flaps just brushed past Sam every few seconds before they went limp again just to repeat it.

"Cas?" Charlie gawked hoarsely, her voice was broken and tears were already brimming in her eyes. She wiped them away quickly and tried to clear her throat, "Cas, is that you?"

The way her tone shifted and cracked unintentionally brought Dean's mind back to her message on Cas' Facebook wall. He'd saved her life once, not like a superhero but just like a normal kid who happened to be there at the right time. Charlie's demeanour really showed it, her eyes were big and posture hesitant but open toward Cas despite how he looked. Dean felt a familiar ache in his chest as he looked at her and felt Cas' affection.

"Castiel?" Charlie said a little louder.

Cas turned to look at her and tilted his head curiously, his eyes squinted and he looked back at Dean for some kind of explanation.

"That's Charlie, she was a friend of yours." Dean smiled and nodded toward her, "Go say hi."

Cas blinked like he did when he didn't quite understand but he looked at her again anyway, "Ch…" his face scrunched up and he stepped a little closer, sniffing the air to get her scent. He paused and shuffled around her instead, giving her a wider radius at first but slowly closing in. He didn't continue to try and say her name though; he resorted to the chittering sounds the others were more aware of.

"What's going on?" She asked more generally, hoping anyone might answer. "What happened to him?"

"From what I understand it's a long story," Bobby said from the doorway, "Why don't you all come inside?"

Charlie looked back down at Castiel who was kneeling beside her. Dean could only imagine what was going through her head, he didn't know Cas before the experiments and he was sure she was remembering every little detail about him. It only made it worse that she'd been looking for Cas for so long just to find him in a state like he was in.

Her mouth was pulled tight at first but she took a deep breath and nodded, "Uh, yeah, okay. I guess so?"


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been amazing and so helpful. Thank you for reading, commenting, following, bookmarking or whatever it is you're doing to support me. I appreciate it and every little thing brightens my day; so thanks so much and I hope your holidays are going okay. Love you guys :3

Sam smiled genuinely at Charlie as they walked into the mansion, heading for the living room space he said "Thanks for being so calm,"

"Don't thank me yet," she laughed nervously. "Who are you guys, anyway? Why do you have Cas? Why are you living in MacLeod's old place?" She was one of those people who talked when she was anxious, Dean could tell already.

"I'm Sam Winchester, my older brother Dean, our dad Bobby, and that's Jet." He pointed at each of them as he spoke; Charlie followed his aim and smirked a little at the end.

"No special title for Jet?"

"I'm my own title," Jet grinned at her, "And for your other questions; we have Cas because he was here when we got here. We're got here because I inherited MacLeod's old place."

"Why did you inherit it?" She was quick to match Jet's speaking speed.

"I did work for him in town."

Dean watched her chest heave a little as if her emotions just beat the shit out of her internally. She clenched her jaw and took another stressed breath, "Okay… how long have you been working for him?"

"Well he's dead now so I'm not working for him anymore. But I did last summer and a little before that."

She nodded and relaxed her shoulders, "So you didn't know Cas before, then?"

"Nope, not even a little." Jet looked over at the Winchester-Singer family, "We weren't living in town yet when he disappeared."

Charlie dropped onto a couch stared exhaustedly at the ceiling for a few seconds to let the information sink in. "Alright so what do you guys know about Cas?"

"Castiel Dimitri Novak," Sam started like he might be reading it out of a textbook, "From what I could tell by his Facebook page he was a talented singer and a lot of people cared about him, including you. We know he didn't know he saved you, we know his older brother's name is Michael, and we know he worked for MacLeod four years ago before disappearing."

Charlie nodded slowly, "So you got some basics, but what about now? What do you know about  _this_  Cas?"

"He's still the same guy," Dean added quietly as he sat down, allowing space for Castiel to sit with him. "There are some differences but deep down it's him."

"Differences like wings?" Charlie asked as she looked at the stray feathers about.

"That and he can't talk much,"

"He can't  _talk?"_  She stared at him in disbelief, "Okay, why does he have wings? Why can't he talk? What's –"

"Stop," Jet cut her off and to everyone's surprised she listened. Dean could tell she was overwhelmed with the whole thing; she probably expected to maybe find Cas in captivity or maybe with a little PTSD but nothing like what she'd just found. He felt bad because it wasn't going to get much better after they explained it.

Charlie took a deep breath and rubbed her eyes tiredly, "Okay, okay, sorry. I just… I've been looking for him for ages."

Castiel looked up at her and furrowed his brow again, he squeaked and looked at Dean with tears welling in his eyes. Dean wished he could figure out what Cas was thinking or what he wanted to say, he'd find a better way to comfort Cas than a smile and a touch. But that's all he could do, a firm squeeze of Castiel's shoulder and a reassuring smile that couldn't go as far as he wanted it to.

"He really can't talk…" Charlie whispered, her pain too real and Dean wished more than anything he could forget meeting Cas' old friend. But that wasn't possible, he knew he'd have to deal with the situation and explaining everything was the only way to start.

"No, but he communicates," Bobby spoke up when none of the other three could find words. "From what the boys have told me I can tell he's doing a lot better from what he was a few days ago."

"You found him a few days ago?" Charlie's heartbroken expression didn't change.

"Yeah," Dean nodded as he tried to comfort Castiel who continued to try and tell him something. Cas didn't squeak but a near constant whine came from him, he didn't sit still and soon his wings started to fidget and flutter in his irritation. Dean reached over to pet his agitated wings but they didn't stop despite the touch. "Cas, it's okay." He said soothingly, hoping it'd do something to help.

Castiel sighed and turned to Charlie again, Dean couldn't see the look he gave her but judging from the tears the welled up in her eyes again he knew it wasn't helpful.

"Oh Cas," she held back a sob and covered her mouth, "I'm so sorry I didn't find you…"

Castiel looked at Dean then slowly moved over to her, his wings folding up behind his back and lowered. He tried to wipe her cheek dry and chirped softly, little guttural sounds following as he leaned in to hug her. Charlie let him, holding still at first but within a few seconds she dropped onto him and held on tightly.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again and Cas nudged her cheek with his, nothing like what he did with Dean but still a familiar gesture.

"It's okay," Cas managed to say, his grasp of speaking getting stronger each time he attempted it.

Dean and the others stayed quiet and waited, it was the least they could do to show some respect for the reunion in front of them. Jet leaned down next to Dean's ear after a few seconds and muttered to him, "We haven't even told her the worst parts yet."

"I know," Dean replied just as quietly.

"I think I'm ready to hear this," Charlie said moments later, finally letting go of Cas. She did her best to smile for him as he studied her face.

"Is Michael coming too?" Dean asked, attempting to mask his mild concerns. An angry older brother wouldn't hesitate to blame a bunch of strangers who happened to be in the same house his little brother was held captive in. At least, Dean wouldn't anyway.

However Charlie shook her head, "No, I didn't tell him I was following you guys." She glanced around at the group she now found herself in, "He didn't want to hear my stories of paranoia about you guys, said there are a lot of people with the nickname Cas and I should just take a break."

"Well you're a workaholic, it seems." Bobby chuckled, "Not sure if that'll turn out to be a good thing or bad though."

"I found Cas, how could it be a bad thing?" Charlie smiled and put her hand on Cas' shoulder, "He's worth whatever trouble I have to go through."

Dean nodded his agreement; her logic sounded a lot like his own. "He seems to recognize you, at least a little, I'd like to say it'll only get better but there's a bit of a story to tell."

"Do it," she insisted and wiped her eyes to make sure they were dry, "I'm ready."

A lot of care went into telling the story of how they discovered the basement lab; even more went into explaining Castiel's history in it. Sam did a lot of the scientific talk while Dean covered how Cas was doing mentally and emotionally. Jet's two cents were added a few times but mostly he left it to them.

Sam told them about the science MacLeod had been experimenting with and the types of things that Castiel's DNA was mixed with. He talked about the lab and its setup, the screens and the cages they could see. He went into detail about the computers and what information it had, the videos that were documenting scenarios and of course what those scenarios were. He talked about Castiel's cloning process and the copies that were made, what went into them and how they were tests to see what the real thing could be spliced with effectively.

Charlie's eyes were wide as she listened, it was obvious she was an intellectual by the questions she asked or the comments she made. Her mind was capable of wrapping around the information and even more able to connect the dots given to her. She understood Castiel's conditioning, how he might react to his own image and his slow descent into animalistic behaviour. She understood that a manufactured, untested drug was used on him and might've been the cause for his loss of speech.

It was one thing to understand the situation, it was another to understand that it happened to someone that she knew. Charlie's eyes didn't stay dry but she kept her composure, her fingers intertwined with Cas' and she held on to steady herself. Imagining the torture he was put through was breaking her as much as it was breaking Dean or the others.

Bobby kept a straight, stern face but Dean could see in his eyes that it was hard to hear. From Bobby's perspective Castiel was just a kid when he went missing, naïve and kindhearted traits were twisted in a mad scientist's world and the Cas they saw with them was the one that managed to escape. A Castiel with wings, who chirped and groaned like an animal, and could grow a second set of teeth; he wasn't quite the same.

Charlie was open minded to the concept of fictional situations happening for real though her confidence wavered when it came to the mentioning of the dreams.

"He connects to you in your sleep…?" She asked hesitantly.

"Well he tried to show us what happened to him because he wanted to make a connection," Dean explained, one of the experts on the matter. "He doesn't have a lot of control over it, it mostly happens from his will to communicate with us. Cas talked to me in the nightmares, actually. Your Cas, the one who remembers everything."

Charlie's eyes lit up a little, the first sign of real hope Dean saw in her face since she spotted Cas the first time that day. "What did he say?"

"He said he was sorry for the dreams, that he can't always control himself and that he's trying." He summarized and could tell by the slight bit of relaxation in her shoulders that it was enough. "Cas is still Cas, he's just gotta get through some barriers."

Charlie turned and hugged Cas who hadn't moved from her side, burying her face against his shoulder as she tried not to cry again. "You're the strongest guy I know, Cas." She whispered just loud enough that Dean could hear it. "I'm sure you can do it."

"So the basement's full of monsters, huh?" Bobby said after a few moments of silence for Charlie and Cas.

"And Cas clones," Sam added, "though I'm not sure what happened to them, we didn't go to the room and check."

"We actually haven't done much looking into shit on this yet," Jet pointed out casually, "like we said, we've only been here for a few days and it's a lot to take in at once."

"I can understand that," Charlie nodded and rubbed her eyes again, "So… that's it? That's the current Cas situation?"

"Yeah, so far." Dean shrugged and leaned back, itching to ask about what Charlie was going to do with the info but unsure if it'd be too much too soon.

Jet on the other hand didn't have the filter, "So what's your plan then, Charlie? You know where he is and what's going on with him, sorta."

"Isn't it obvious?" She raised an eyebrow at him, "I'm going to read more about it and see if there's anything we can do for him."

"You're… not going to try and take him to Michael?" Dean asked hopefully.

"No, this is a big place and Cas is already familiar with it. Not to mention I can tell it'd be almost impossible to get him away from you." She smiled nervously as Cas grunted once at her before scooting back to Dean's side. "Besides… I'm not sure I should even tell Michael yet; I don't know how he'd react or handle Cas like this. I think he'd freak."

"Great," Jet smirked and pulled out two spare keys from his pocket, "I had extras made, looks like you're staying here then." He tossed her and Bobby each one, both catching them with little fumbling.

Charlie looked at it quietly for a few seconds before a relieved smile crept onto her face. "Thanks."

"You don't have to stay but you're more than welcome to," Sam offered softly, "I think Cas would love to have you here."

"I think I'd love to just be around him again," she glanced at Cas with a look of acceptance, "At least he's alive."

"That's the spirit, now let's get to work on that shit outside guys." Jet headed out the door with as much energy as he could muster. Dean laughed a little and followed his lead, some mundane labour sounded like a nice escape from thinking about Cas' fate.

"Did you want me to help you find a room, Charlie?" Sam asked as he got up, "Or the basement?"

"For now I think I'll just let this all sink in, maybe hang around wherever Cas goes." She said sheepishly, "It's all a bit much, you know? This morning I came back home with nothing but cold leads and vanishing ideas, next thing I know I'm sitting in Cas' presence. He's alive but he can't talk and he looks… different."

Sam nodded and glanced to the door where Dean and Jet had paused to wait for him, "You care a lot about Cas, were the two of you together before?"

"What?" Charlie laughed and quickly shook her head, "No, he wasn't my type and I wasn't his. We were just friends, we hung out on weekends and marathoned geeky shows no one else would watch with me." Her hands tightened into fists as she relived the old memories in order to repeat them, "He loved to sing… You know he used to have stage fright? The first time he sang in front of anyone was an accident; he was overtired from a project and just started singing during lunch. It was awesome though he ran away crying."

Charlie stifled another laugh while she spoke, Dean returned to the couch and sat down again, Jet stayed by the door. "Was he going to head off to college?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, he was applying to all kinds of musical scholarships and colleges around, after he'd gone missing Michael got a few acceptance letters to some of the best ones in town. Cas was the star of our school's choir and he was awesome at the piano though he loved the alto sax more. I didn't have the heart to tell him his saxophone skills weren't as good as his pianist fingers."

"Band kid, who knew," Dean smirked and ruffled Cas' hair, his wingman sitting and listening to Charlie talk just as much as the rest of them.

"Everyone loved him," she reminisced distantly, a nostalgic sort of smile tugging at her lips. "I mean he had his down sides, he was a bit of a diva when it came to singing and he tended to jump to conclusions a lot. He picked fights over stupid things and caused a lot of drama, but overall he was such a great guy."

"Well we were all our own brand of trouble in high school," Jet commented absently, like he didn't want to really associate with what Cas used to be. Maybe he hadn't wanted to connect what he knew about Cas to something that wasn't around anymore. It wasn't easy to see what's become of something beautiful, especially if it'd been scarred in many ways. Dean would never think that Cas' scars weren't beautiful, but he understood the sentiment. It was something you never wanted to see happen, not in real life anyway.

Charlie sighed and looked around the room as a way of escape from the reality of the conversation, "Does he like it in here?"

Sam nodded as he followed her gaze, "Well he absolutely adores flying and grass, but he's okay in here as long as you keep him away from anything that smells like MacLeod, we learned that the hard way."

" _I_  learned that the hard way," Dean pouted, "he hated the pants I found."

"Hate is too mild for what that was," Jet snickered, "But yeah, it was pretty distressing for him."

A loud grumbling sound came from Charlie's general direction and she placed a hand over her stomach, "Can we get food? I kinda spent all day following you guys I didn't eat anything…"

Cas squealed happily and took her hand, leading her toward the kitchen without a second thought.

"Oh, you'll show  _her_  where it is." Bobby grumbled from his armchair, Dean figured that there was a story involved with that complaint but didn't ask.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A take on chapter 3 from Cas' POV
> 
> (so filler I guess, but I thought it'd be fun to add) 
> 
> Okay I was only going to make this a one chapter thing but apparently people are really interested in Cas' POV on the Dean situation lol there'll be another because I care about what you all wanna see

_Castiel had paced the inside of his home so many times but nothing different seemed to happen. He tried screaming, shrieking as loud as he could but no answers came. He stood in the center of his dome and realized what he'd done to himself and anything else in the same hell. He killed MacLeod, destroyed the man's mind in a dream and for the first time felt control over his surroundings._

_But then no one came by his dome, no one hit the button on the pole outside to bring up his food. Cas couldn't open it himself, he'd tried but it was no use as it hadn't been the first time he found himself inside that horrid place. He stood at the door for another day and waited, no one was there to dim the lights in his dome either, it was constantly bright so he didn't know how much time had passed. Other cells were dim, though they were always that way unless Master had come by to check. Cas' default was lit so that's how it stayed until it was time for bed._

_The day he'd gotten rid of his master had been a tiring day; he'd been somewhat uncooperative during the days leading up and invaded Master's dreams frequently. A minor nightmare was the best he could accomplish at first but it grew more and more until he was able to cause real harm. Master had left his dome the way it was, too exhausted to turn the lights down or feed Cas. Maybe it was exhaustion but Cas suspected it was probably hatred that made those decisions._

_In turn Castiel realized over the last few days that not only was he hungrier but he was also more aware. He could retain information for longer periods of time and actually think them over. He could feel instinctual behaviour but had the ability to consider it, even if only vaguely. Cas didn't understand what was going on, he didn't know why he was more cognitive than he'd been before and he didn't know why he was thinking so much lately. It felt good at the same time as scary, he wanted to discover more things but he feared what they might do to him. He could worry now, worry about where his food was or what might happen if he never got it. He worried about other Castiels and if they might find a way into his home. It'd happened before, maybe that was a test but it was awful._

_Regardless of all that he was now sitting in a brightly lit cage, no signs of life outside and no way of getting out. Castiel whined softly in defeat, he was so hungry and he had no energy to try and open the door anymore. He sighed and moved to his burrow, he didn't even bother to crawl in all the way this time. He laid there, legs sticking out and wings folded over his head to block the light, at least he could sleep somewhat peacefully now. No interruptions, no more tests, no fighting or hurting. Castiel smiled to himself; at least he could die quietly in the light, unafraid and comfortable._

_As he was drifting off to sleep he heard and felt the rush of air, instantly he pulled his legs into his hide-away grunting softly in surprise. There was a new scent and the sound of a new voice._

_Castiel's heart rate increased rapidly as he tried to make sense of his situation, who it might be and why they were here now. He couldn't control his breathing as he panicked, trying to keep himself calm was hard but he knew that whoever this was couldn't be his old master. His master sounded different, sounded older and tired, he smelled awful and the sounds of his movement were creakier. This stranger was new; he didn't have even the slightest bit of Master's old scent on him._

_Cas kept his eyes on the stranger and watched him move closer, it was frightening and threatening and Cas didn't hesitate to let him know. A low growl left his throat and he saw the light glow of his eyes starting to brighten his den. The person stopped and stared at the burrow, at Castiel but didn't seem to see him. Cas' focus left controlling himself, his train of thought fell back onto the tracks of instincts and he made sounds of concern and fear, like he might have been threatened by this person's presence._

_Then the stranger spoke again, "It's okay, I'm here t…" the words all fell into a garbled mess but Cas understood a few. He froze up and stared when he realized he understood part of this man's speech. The idea that he could possibly know what was said moved his limbs for him and he started to crawl out of the burrow. He paused in the entrance and stared a little longer._

_Seeing the stranger closer was unreal; he'd never seen a face like that and had no idea if it was dangerous or not. But the words 'it's okay, I'm here' were the first kind things he could remember in so long, he had to take the risk that this guy was safe. The man spoke again but Castiel couldn't understand him that time. Regardless it had the same gentle tone as the previous sentence so he slowly crawled forward, his wings grazing the sides of his den as he left it and its safety behind him._

_The stranger was so pretty. Castiel didn't know his intentions though, so instead of being slow and careful he pushed forward on the offensive. The element of surprise was still his and he dragged the newcomer's legs out from under him, causing the man to fall to the ground. Cas clambered over top of him, pinning him down and staring more intently. He wanted this person to be kind, he wanted this pretty face to be filled with good intent, but he couldn't trust it just yet._

_Instincts said attack, told Cas to tear out this stranger's throat and escape through the door but he forced the urge down. He could worry now, he could worry about what might happen if he left, that there might be more people waiting. He could concern himself with the idea of getting lost or not knowing how to care for himself properly in his freedom. If he could trust this man then maybe he'd have a chance._

_But he didn't know how to tell, so he perched there anxiously, keeping his feelings and uncertainties to himself. The man spoke and Cas couldn't understand so he just retorted with a gentle sound, something to indicate he wouldn't strike first if he didn't have to. Part of Castiel hoped the stranger got what he meant, but even he wasn't sure he knew how to convey it properly._

"… _Dean," the man said and Castiel wasn't sure he got it right or knew what it meant. What Dean? What was that? Was it a name? He was confused as the man kept talking, trying to figure out what he was saying and then;_

" _Castiel?"_

 _His ears burned and his mind sparked, that was_ his _name. He was Castiel. So this man must be Dean? Dean knew his name somehow, Dean was there for him._

" _Castiel, huh?" Dean repeated and Cas let a soft grunt be his reply. Dean looked much more relaxed and his tone was so friendly. Cas wanted to believe he was nice, after all he did know Cas' name. He said 'it's okay.'_

_As he tried to find his answer to the 'is Dean nice' question, Dean's hand reached up for his face. Instincts kicked in immediately and he dodged the touch before smacking the hand back to the ground. Not a sound was made except for a very low growl in his throat. Castiel stared down at Dean with a warning in his eyes, waiting for another move to give him an excuse to believe the worst._

_But it didn't come. Dean stayed on his back in the dirt and didn't move, he'd even closed his eyes. Castiel's vicious intent died down and he stared curiously, wondering if Dean might be asleep or what he was doing. A little flash of green excited him, Cas' wings fluttered and he watched a little more closely as Dean closed his eyes again._

_Cas waited about a second before he reached over and gently touched at Dean's eyelid, wondering what he was doing and why he was doing it. Dean looked so peaceful like that, though, eyes closed and quiet and-_

_Dean's chest moved as a rush of air left him with a sudden sound. It came out of nowhere for Cas and startled him. He fluttered off with a grunt and he shuffled away to try and shake off the shock. He realized quickly it was just Dean laughing but it had him frazzled, so he walked it off by circling round to his burrow and rushing back with a little more excitement. Dean's laugh was sweet and had no malice that he could tell._

_Cas leapt right back onto Dean and continued to touch his face, Dean was friendly, Dean wouldn't hurt him for his curiosity. Cas happily felt the skin of another person, he liked the hairs on Dean's face but there was something else he wanted to investigate more. Those little dots on his skin weren't hair, they were speckled all over and Cas thought they were so pretty. He wanted to see if they were there forever, if they were like the hair and had their own feeling or if maybe they were just colours on Dean's face._

_Despite his enthrallment with Dean's face and the placement of little specks, Castiel was dragged back to the reality of his starvation as his stomach groaned in protest of all the spent energy. Cas covered his stomach and whimpered, Dean spoke again but he didn't pay attention enough to know if he even understood the words._

_That morning he'd just accepted the idea of death and now here he was, a burst of energy he didn't even know he still had and a strange man named Dean who knew his name. Castiel watched Dean get up and walk toward the door, he didn't know how to feel about it but he followed. Dean had the door open so Cas could do the thing to make food appear, but he wasn't quite sure what it was he really had to do. Maybe Dean would do it; maybe Dean understood that he was hungry._

_Cas watched Dean and couldn't understand his words, he was anxious and didn't want to step out of the dome. He'd never left there with good things following, and if he stayed inside then when Dean got the food he'd be right there to receive it._

_He saw Dean hit the same spot that his master used to, a certain button that made the floor open up. He rushed to the spot and waited, nothing came up. Maybe he'd just blacked out for a second, that happened sometimes. Maybe his food was live and he had to chase it? Cas looked around for it, his stomach grumbling harder and the idea that food was so close made him feel anxious. He looked hard and while he found nothing he heard Dean say his name again._

_He was so close to starving; his stomach hurt and his limbs went through waves of weakness. He wanted to eat, he was hungry. He had given up but Dean brought him a little bit of hope, enough to get him moving like he used to, enough to have him feeling that excitement he'd long forgotten about. But nothing was there. The food button hadn't brought his meal to him._

_Castiel looked back at Dean and saw that Dean looked just as sad as he felt. Maybe Dean had pushed the button wrong? Maybe the food got stuck. Cas decided that he'd have to do it himself._

_He didn't like the floor beyond his cage; it made him think of horrible things. He knew that floor; it led to his testing room. But it was the only way to bring food back up so he gathered the courage to step out. Ignoring Dean he hit the buttons and turned back to go to where the food would come up, but instead of rushing to the spot he hit the door. Castiel cried out immediately, it was locked. He was stuck outside of his dome._

_He had to see if there was food inside, he had to get back into the safety of his home and out of the testing areas. Cas kept voicing his distress, hoping Dean would understand as he scrambled up the side of his home. He sat on top of it, above the ground and his burrow and pressed his face against the glass. Trying to see if any food had been brought up he heard Dean's voice again._

" _Cas, it's okay."_

_Castiel peered down anxiously, tears in his eyes and grief gripping his senses he watched Dean wave something at him. He didn't understand at first but he smelled it; food. Some kind of edible thing, he didn't know what it was but he knew it had to be food. Cas flew down and had little energy to make it a graceful landing, he sniffed the thing Dean was offering him and knew that it was definitely food._

_The next question was if he trusted it or not. Cas had decided that Dean was friendly though Dean did let the doors close and lock him out of his home. He looked at Dean's face and then the bar, it was edible and it came wrapped up. Dean was offering it to him in exchange for nothing, which meant it was either bad for him or a gesture of kindness._

_Dean's face was so gentle and his smile looked nothing like the smiles Cas could remember. He looked honest and when Castiel had been sad about nothing coming up from his food hole Dean was sad too. Dean was kind so his gift must've been from a kind place._

_Cas took the food and decided with his new cognitive thoughts that he'd try to remember that moment. Dean got him out of the dome and fed him; Dean smiled so sweetly and talked to him softly. Cas liked Dean, even when Dean was stupid and didn't understand he liked him._


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't going to add this but there was enough interest in another past Cas POV that I decided I had to do it for you all. This chapter is for you guys, because I love you and I write for you as much as I do myself, probably more. That being said, the next chapter was long written so it'll be up later
> 
>  

 

_Castiel followed Dean's steps from behind, clinging to his new safety with only a little bit of worry. He didn't know exactly where they were going, he didn't know who Dean was talking to but the new stranger was getting closer. The new person kinda smelled like Dean, they must have been close. Cas didn't like it though; no one else should be that close to Dean that they smell like him._

_The new person was large, Cas could see right away that he was taller than Dean and he wasn't stopping. As soon as he was close enough he and Dean started to struggle and make loud, aggressive noises. Cas' first thought was that Dean was in trouble, this stranger was trouble, he might hurt Dean._

_Cas cried out and tried to smack the stranger away from Dean, it worked; Dean and the other person were separated pretty quickly once he intervened. Dean quickly said the thing that Cas recognized, "It's okay, Cas." He kept talking but it slipped right out of Cas' understanding._

_Dean and the tall one were talking again and Cas just kept himself tucked behind Dean, watching the stranger with uneasiness. He didn't understand why Dean was so close to this person, he didn't understand their relationship that could go from friendliness to fighting like that. In fact, he was so unused to thinking about those things he wasn't even sure if he was doing it right. All he knew was that he didn't trust this new person yet._

_He followed Dean's lead as they continued down the corridor but kept his eye on the stranger, he didn't like that the tall one was behind him. He didn't say anything about it but he kept an eye out, ready to run or fight if he needed to._

_The following events were such a blur to him. He was so overwhelmed by the area around him he wasn't paying attention to anything but where Dean was walking. The floor was the same hard, cold grating but the lights were so different than his home. They were far brighter, there were so many sounds and smells, and Castiel just couldn't focus on any of them. He could smell his old master lingering in the space, he could hear weird electric sounds similar to his testing room, but it was all different somehow. Dean's presence changed it, Dean's scent was new and comforting and because of that Cas felt he was safest while holding onto Dean's shoulders._

_There was another person who started to speak and Cas jumped a little. He didn't realize they'd gotten so close. This new one sounded harsher than Dean, not as kind, but he didn't touch Dean so Cas thought maybe he wasn't so bad._

_The sound of a familiar plastic had Cas' ears burning. He looked at the stranger who held the same food that Dean had given him and his stomach twisted in delight. He tried to tell Dean he was going to go and get it but he was pretty sure Dean didn't understand. Regardless he hurried over to the stranger and realized as he got closer that this person was different; this newest stranger was tall like the other one but his skin was darker and his expression sharper. Cas sensed something about him that felt familiar, though. Like his old master was involved with this person somehow, but not in a bad way, more in the way that Cas had been involved._

_But he still couldn't be sure, maybe this person was trying to coax him closer and would attack or something. He stared intently at the wrapped food and decided to go for it; he reached and snatched it up quickly before retreating back to Dean. He got it, the food was his._

_Cas tried to bite it and realized again that it was wrapped, like the one Dean had was at first. He held it tightly and tried to bite the wrapper off but it wasn't working. He didn't want to destroy the food inside before he even got a chance to taste it so he wasn't going to tear it apart like he'd done to other things. Instead he bit at it and pulled and tried everything else with his teeth but it wasn't working._

_Frustrated and enraged he growled and snarled at the food, he was hungry and it wasn't listening to him. He wanted to just snap his jaw shut and rip it to shreds, teach it a lesson._

_But then Dean was looking at him, Cas knew Dean could do it no problem but they'd given it to Cas thinking he could do it on his own. He couldn't get at the food, though. He failed that test. What if Dean would put him back? What if they were just seeing if he could survive on his own and he couldn't? Would Dean leave him?_

" _Here Cas, …" Dean spoke gently and had his hand extended. Castiel gave the bar to him sadly and turned away; he couldn't feed himself, why would Dean want him around? They were taking the food away because he'd failed the test._

_Then he heard the plastic tear and smelled the food inside. His eyes watered and he spun around, leaping onto Dean with stifled excitement. Dean opened it for him; Dean was going to give it to him without a test. Maybe it wasn't a test at all; maybe Dean would never test him that way? He looked pleadingly at Dean and with the sweetest smile Dean offered him the food. Castiel took it without hesitation, grateful for Dean's kindness._

_He followed Dean around after that, even up the stairs and to a door he'd never seen before. Cas didn't know what was beyond it, he didn't know what he might encounter with Dean but he decided that he'd follow anyway. Dean was trustworthy, Dean was gentle and Cas was sure Dean wouldn't ever try to hurt him. Not on purpose._

_The new door opened to brand new smells, some of them were definitely mixed with his old master but there were others he couldn't recognize. Dean spoke softly to him as he stared at the new space; both of the other strangers had already walked into the area and were completely unharmed. Cas hadn't felt that type of ground before, he didn't know most of the smells and the one he did know frightened him. He held tightly to Dean and listened to his voice._

_Dean didn't seem to be in danger though; he was very relaxed and even laughing. Cas tried to calm down but couldn't quite pry himself away from Dean's side. That was good enough for him, he had the courage to walk into new places but he could keep the safety that Dean brought. Maybe it was okay. He repeated the words he'd understood Dean say, it's okay, it's okay. He looked around and slowly stepped away from Dean's side, letting go of his shoulders and feeling the growing freedom._

_He didn't have to stay by Dean, not if he didn't want to. No one was upset with him moving on his own, no one was bothered by it. He walked down the hall and it was fine, Dean didn't yell and the first tall one just walked behind him. Cas felt a little better about the tall ones, they weren't as nice as Dean but they weren't mean either._

_The hall opened up to high ceilings and warm lighting; there were large windows and several levels above him. It was so open and Castiel could feel free, his wings fluttered and spread out. He hadn't had a chance to truly fly in ages, he couldn't remember the last time he was given free range to explore, and at that moment he felt nothing could stop him. He looked back at Dean for some approval, a smile on his face as he waited. Dean smiled back and Cas took that as his sign. He stretched his wings and flew up to the highest point. He looked over the space around him and marveled at its beauty. Nothing seemed dark or scary; it was all so comfortable and soft._

_He wanted to explore, he wanted to open everything and look inside. He wanted to do it and he could do it. Dean called up to him, Cas couldn't understand but it didn't sound demanding or angry so he excitedly took off. Dean was okay with his freedom so Castiel would investigate that feeling while he still had it._

_His investigations and exploring led him to new rooms and past so many cool looking things he couldn't stop and stare at them all. He rushed about trying to get as much out of the experience as he could before going back to Dean. He could hear Dean looking for him but couldn't stop what he was doing; he was sure Dean would catch up to him soon. He spotted Dean down the hall and called to him to give an idea as to where Cas was headed._

_There was one room that he got into that had a weird platform type thing in the middle. He jumped onto it and surprised himself when it sunk under his weight. He leapt off in fear, it could've been some kind of trap or something left by his master. He hit it but nothing happened, in fact it was very strange. He tapped at it again to check and still nothing. Maybe it was just a weird surface, like the floor or the fuzzy ground._

_Dean said something that was a little encouraging, Cas couldn't make it out but he could tell by Dean's voice and the look on his face. Cas slowly let his hand sink down onto the bed, part of him worried it'd swallow him entirely but eventually the surface stopped giving in to his weight. He pulled back and watched his hand print slowly lift back up into a more wrinkled surface. It didn't hurt him or try to eat him; it was just soft._

_He joyfully looked at Dean again and saw a smile on his face. Cas knew it was safe; Dean wouldn't let him do something that wasn't safe. Cas jumped onto the platform and rolled around on it, he'd never felt something so soft and welcoming. It bent under his weight and he felt like its softness was wrapped around him. He realized the top layer was moveable and rolled around in it, it smelled clean and sweet as it surrounded him. It was smooth and caressing to his skin, he loved it. It was like his burrow but warmer and more comfortable._

_Cas was very happy to stay there; he'd never felt so warm before. He could smell Dean in the room and he knew that he was safe. Feeling so content was new to him and he relished in it._

_Dean eventually peeked down at him after moving the fabric; Cas smiled and tried to tell Dean how amazing it was. He was so happy and cozy, maybe Dean would join him?_

_But then he realized he couldn't move, the top layer had ensnared him and he couldn't get out of it. Cas felt his joy drain rapidly and panic took over, he flailed inside his prison and as he started to really worry and freak out he felt Dean's hands on his face. Cas looked up tearfully as Dean hushed him calmly, it was so gentle that Castiel couldn't help but listen to it. He heard those words again, "It's okay," Dean whispered undoubtedly sweet things to him as the fabric prison was unwrapped._

_Castiel slowly sat up again as he regained his freedom, watching Dean with adoring eyes. Dean had come down to get him out of his dome, fed him, and let him run loose without any tests or harmful tendencies. Dean had done nothing but nice things and now he freed Cas one more time and didn't seem to expect anything in return. Cas tried to whisper his thanks but he knew it didn't come out in the language Dean would understand. Words wouldn't show his gratitude, Cas realized. He inched closer to Dean, pausing every now and then to show he wasn't trying to be reckless._

_Dean didn't understand what Cas was doing, at least not until Cas nuzzled his cheek. A little purring accompanied with physical affection did the trick, Dean laughed and nuzzled back, it made Cas happy._

_The next thing he knew there was more food, Dean was giving him more food and it smelled amazing. Cas kinda understood the word 'pizza' but he didn't know what it meant or if he'd heard it right. But whatever, after having one bite he knew that he loved pizza. He wound up eating everything that Dean and the two tall ones did eat, it was delicious. He'd never had a treat like that before and it made him boundlessly happy._

_Happy, and sleepy. Cas couldn't remember the last time he'd been so full and he just wanted to lie down, except Dean wasn't sleeping yet so he followed Dean around some more, checking out other rooms and so on. Cas found the energy again to investigate every little thing, it didn't seem to be too pleasing to Dean but he couldn't help it. It was all new, he wanted to pick it all up, feel it and smell it, figure out what was causing what scent. He wanted to listen and see if anything made any new noises._

_While he was stilly super excited to see everything that was new, Cas was grateful for when Dean settled on something soft. Cas quickly curled up against him and with enough shifting around he found the perfect position. His wing draped over him and he fell asleep. It was the first time he slept in the presence of other people like that; they were in the same room and had every chance to harm him if they wanted. But none of them did and Cas had a feeling that none of them would._

_Dean was nice to everyone. Cas caught that one of them was named 'Sam,' and the other 'Jet.' He was proud of himself for learning that much, and for realizing that Dean was close to these two people. They weren't threats, maybe they could be friends? Cas wasn't sure, but for now he trusted Dean and that was good enough._

_His peaceful sleep didn't last as long as he wanted it to. Dean started to poke at him and pushed his hands into Cas' feathers. It was strange to feel someone touch him like that and it tickled more than anything. Cas struggled against the feeling but it wasn't enough to stop Dean from doing it and eventually the tickling became too much. Cas squealed and knocked Dean off the couch, a tired, grumpy look on his face as he went to cleaning his feathers._

_It was a very rude way to wake up, not painful but still rude. He could forgive Dean for being stupid._

_While he cleaned his wings he noticed Dean was getting up and walking off, he watched to see how far Dean would go. If Dean was staying in the room and just wandering around he'd stay put, but if Dean was leaving then Cas would have to follow. He had his answer within a few seconds and hopped off the couch, following Dean's lead._

_They wandered the halls for a little bit before Dean finally opened a room for them, he pushed Castiel inside first, which left Cas wondering curiously what Dean wanted. Cas looked from Dean to the bed and saw the expression Dean had, clearly he wanted Cas on the bed._

_Happy to do what Dean wanted, Cas hopped onto the mattress, it sunk like the last one and he knew it'd be comfortable. He smiled and waited for Dean to join him, except that wasn't what happened. Instead Dean smiled and closed the door, saying something as he walked away. Castiel stared at the door as a whine started in his throat._

_Dean abandoned him? Why would he close the door like that? Was it a new cell?_

_No, Dean wouldn't do that._

_Dean said something on the other side of the door again and Cas ran to it as fast as he could. He didn't care that it wouldn't budge for him, he charged into it anyway. It was more a display to show Dean his distaste for the lonely room. It was dark and strange and he wanted Dean by his side. He whimpered again and started wailing when he realized Dean wasn't going to open it._

_Dean abandoned him there. That was his new home now, a squishy place to sleep and no people. He couldn't see outside this room except for the small bit of glass on the wall._

_He wanted Dean to come back. He didn't want to be alone._

_Then the door opened, Cas quickly zipped out and sat behind Dean._

_Maybe Dean didn't want to abandon him after all? Maybe Dean just wanted space? Cas didn't want to give Dean space though, he wanted someone around. He wanted Dean to be there. Dean didn't seem too pleased but he took Cas by the hand anyway, leading him to another room._

_Did Dean think he was stupid or something? Cas stopped and refused to go inside, he wasn't going to fall for that again. Dean tried to pull him but Cas pulled back, he spread his wings to help his balance and to ensure he wouldn't fit in the doorway. He was not going inside another cage room._

_Dean gave up and let go of him with some kind of grumbling Cas didn't get, but he understood the exasperation it portrayed. He watched defiantly as Dean went to the bed and dropped onto it, he wasn't going to fall for it. Dean would probably just wrap him in that fabric trap and leave or something._

_Castiel stayed where he was for a few minutes and noted that Dean made no moves to do anything. There wasn't a sign of sabotage or traps, Dean actually looked pretty tired. Maybe Dean wanted to sleep now and he let Cas stay in the same room? Cas was hesitant as he inched inside, Dean might still spring up and leave him again._

_He got close enough to Dean that any action was possible, but still Dean didn't do anything. Cas started to feel a little foolish for thinking Dean might try something like that, he leaned up close to Dean's face and stayed there for a moment. Dean was looking back at him, pretty green eyes and a spotted face._

_Cas liked Dean's face; it was warm and open and made him feel comfortable with a smile. He knew that he didn't know much about Dean, he knew that Dean was quite the mystery but in such a short amount of time Dean had saved him and shown kindness in ways that Cas hadn't seen as far back as he could remember. He'd never felt so safe, as far as he knew._

_Dean brought him freedom._

_Dean saved his life._

_Dean was beautiful and gracious._

_Cas thought about his old master and how in the time they were together he never once thought those things. He never once believed he was lucky or getting something he deserved. But Dean made him feel special, Dean treated him right and Cas was sure he wanted Dean to be with him forever._

_But he didn't want Dean to be his new master; he didn't want a master anymore. He wanted Dean to know what he was thinking, how he felt about it all. Cas decided to do the first thing that came to mind; he leaned in close and sniffed a little – he loved the smell of Dean. Then without a second thought he licked Dean's mouth, his sign of respect and gratitude toward someone he loved._

_He was satisfied with that; a soft sound of comfort escaped him as he nestled into the bed again. It felt even cozier with Dean next to him._


	28. Chapter 28

With everyone fed, Charlie and Bobby were left to wander the house as they pleased while the others unpacked the pile in front of the house. Cas was torn at first so he ran between the groups, he started with Dean and followed him back and forth into the house. It was funny at first; he grabbed pieces of things from the pile and brought it in. He got in the way a few times but Dean didn't mind; Jet was a little irritated but kept it to quiet grumblings.

Sam sat in the entrance organizing their things into three separate piles and placing those into boxes as they became available. He smiled as Cas scurried in with a handful of things and dropped it randomly into any place he thought was good. Sam had to re-separate things a few times but he wasn't too worried about it, he was too tired to really care that much.

Cas realized that he had seen the gist of what they were doing so he ran off to find Charlie or Bobby, Dean wasn't quite sure. "Cas is pretty happy Charlie's here," he said as he put another box down, trying to hide the little bits of jealousy he felt from Cas' change in attention.

"Yeah," Sam sighed and stretched his legs, "Charlie's the first person he's recognized, I'm not surprised. I kinda wish we could've introduced Cas to her again after some time. That drug that's in him is slowly wearing off but it's stubborn, I feel like if she waited she could've talked to him a little."

"Well none of us really controlled that situation." Jet groaned as he tried to gently put down a particularly heavy box, he decidedly slumped against it after and let himself rest for a little bit. He dropped his face down onto the box and stayed that way.

"No, I guess not," Sam smirked and reached over to ruffle up Jet's already messy hair. "Maybe it's better this way, when he does get better she'll see what he had to go through to get there. So even if he's a little off it'll be alright."

"I'm not sure if that was optimism or not," Dean chuckled and walked back outside. They were almost done, there were a few things leftover and by the look of it Jet had brought the heaviest thing already. Dean gathered up the rest and took it in himself, trying not to comment or smile at how Jet hadn't moved and Sam didn't seem to mind at all. He wanted to ask about the two of them, when Jet started showing interest or when Sam turned him down. Maybe a 'why' would be good too, but he had the feeling that asking them would ruin the little visual he had so Dean kept his questions to himself.

"It's all inside," he sat down and opened up another box, "Let's sort this shit out."

"I've gotten most of it sorted," Sam pointed the different piles, "just put stuff in the open boxes and if you don't know just ask."

"How do you know what belongs to who?" Dean raised an eyebrow and Sam just shrugged.

"I pay attention."

Jet mumbled something incomprehensible and lifted himself off the box, "Okay, I'll help."

"We didn't say anything," Dean grinned and only got a raised eyebrow from his friend as a response. The three of them sorted through the final mound of things and silently judged each other for owning certain things. Dean didn't say a word when he handed Sam an assortment of different lotions and skin care products but he almost did. Instead he exchanged a quick and amused look with Jet who nodded his quietly agreement. Sam saw it but only smiled, it was enough to make the other two question all the things they owned and what Sam might've see already without them there.

Dean saw the very subtle look of concern on Jet's face as he glanced toward his boxes that Sam had sorted through for them. Dean knew of a few things he might have to explain and prayed that Sam had already seen them, explaining some of his magazines and sex toys might be a little more embarrassing in front of Jet. Sam was his brother, Jet was his 'bro.' There was a pretty big difference. The worst part, he thought, would be if either happened to figure out that Dean liked to wear panties from time to time. He had a small collection, his pair of lacy pink bikini-cut were his favourite and he'd hate if anyone did anything to those.

After a little while of going through the remaining items Dean realized that all his clothes had been sorted already. He looked at Sam with as much of a straight face as he could muster, "So our clothes are all together already?"

"Yep," Sam said simply and made Dean's breathing stall.

"Where?"

"The moving guys put it all in the same garbage bags so I put yours in that one over there," Sam pointed at it with a slowly growing smirk. Dean felt his cheeks getting warmer and went back to finishing up the organizing, not looking up from his task.

"Good, just wondering."

"I figured you'd ask,"

Dean wanted to ask how Sam knew they were his, why he didn't assume Jet had some kind of fetish for panties or something. He wanted to know why it was so evident that it'd be _him_ of all people. But he couldn't bring himself to do it, instead he stared at the piles once they were done while wishing something would blow him up.

And then Castiel came barrelling back, flying down from the top floor and landing right next to Dean. He chirped and nuzzled Dean's face before scuttling about and checking out the piles that they had made. "I wonder why he came back?" Dean muttered absently and earned himself a kick from Jet.

"He likes you, dumbass."

Dean smiled and watched Cas with those words in his head, Jet was right. Castiel liked him, why else would he do the things he'd been doing?

Cas sniffed out Dean's pile and shuffled around it, circling it for a few seconds before he dug in and grabbed a few things. Dean saw a butt plug in one hand and an old baseball cap he used to wear in the other, his face was as neutral as it could be as he watched helplessly as Cas sniffed them. He could feel Sam and Jet's eyes on him and the heat from his cheeks crawl up into his ears and down his neck.

Castiel chittered away as he inspected the hat then, to everyone's surprise, put it on his head – a little crooked but still on his head. He looked at Dean with a bright smile, "Dee!"

"Yeah… that's uh… that's my hat." Dean smiled sheepishly and wished he could crawl into a hole. How did Sam know _that_ was his!? Sam 'pays attention,' sure, but knowing Dean owned pink panties and a butt plug!? That just wasn't fair.

Cas cooed softly and flew away again, keeping the items he'd just stolen.

"Alright then," Jet's voice was almost steady but there was a hint of laughter in it.

"Don't say anything," Dean growled and Jet shook his head quickly.

"Wouldn't… dream of it." The pause was the moment he choked on a snicker that still slipped through.

"Jet, don't make fun of Dean's stuff," Sam replied with that slightly condescending tone, like he was doing Dean the biggest favour ever. "He's got quite the collection; I imagine he put a lot of money into it."

Jet almost lost it but still held it together; his mouth was pulled tight in a tense smile as he looked up at Dean. Dean didn't look back though, he gathered as much of his stuff as he could and started walking, "Whatever, we're done here right?"

"Yeah," Sam chuckled as he watched Dean march away with as much dignity as he could cling to.

"I'm allowed to like stuff!" Dean yelled over his shoulder but didn't dare look back.

With a little time to move everything, Dean stood in his room with a bunch of boxes with his things tossed randomly inside. He sighed heavily and started to open them up and sort his own shit and figure out where that was supposed to go in his new room. It was still really weird to think that it was his room, maybe adding his belongings would push it over that edge for him.

He started by throwing all his clothes onto his bed, unaware that periodically Castiel entered and stole an item or two and ran away again. It was only about an hour later; when he went to put his stuff into drawers and the closet did he realize stuff was missing. Dean stared at the significantly smaller pile with some dismay, but it didn't last. Cas snuck back in, his hat still on but now he had socks – mismatched, a button-up shirt that was put on backwards and open in the back for his wings as well as a jacket. He had hung other shirts over his wings, t-shirts, sweaters, and Dean was pretty sure he saw jeans. One of Cas' legs had a pair of boxer-briefs pulled over his pants, it would've been more confusing if Dean didn't find it so funny.

He walked over and caught Cas' hand before his wingman had a chance to run off with a pretty pair of navy blue panties. "Whoa there, if you want to try my stuff on you can just say so- or… well you know what I mean."

Cas stared at him with 'I've been caught' written all over his face and relinquished the underwear. He sat down on the floor and looked sadly at the clothes he was trying to take for himself. Dean had a feeling it had something to do with recognizing Charlie, like Cas missed his old style or something like that. Cas probably didn't remember what his old style was.

Dean helped him undress and remembered all over again that Castiel needed a bath. There was a distinct human odour about him that even Cas shook his head at. Castiel then tried to take one of Dean's shirts again and put it over his face. "You were hiding from your smell?" Dean tried not to laugh, Cas had a more sensitive nose, of course he'd want to be clean more than anyone else. "Alright, come with me buddy."

Leading Cas to the bathroom was easy, getting him in the tub was easy, and taking off his clothes was easy. However Castiel didn't want to have anything to do with the running water. He scrambled out of the tub and went right for the door. Dean caught his ankle and halted his progress, Cas whined and tried crawling further but couldn't drag Dean along.

"It's okay," Dean smiled, not pulling Cas back but letting him relax and come back on his own, assuming he ever wanted to. "It's just water, it's fine."

Castiel looked at him with a pouty lip and squinty eyes but stopped struggling. Dean eventually let him sit in the corner of the bathroom as the water filled up; he figured Cas wouldn't have trouble with the bath once the loudness of the water was gone.

And, just as Dean expected, Castiel approached as soon as he turned off the taps. Cas peered into the tub and stared at the surface for a few seconds before looking up at Dean.

"Hop in," he said casually, knowing full well that despite Cas not always understanding the words, a tone of voice could easily show what he meant.

Cas climbed in slowly, his wings were arched high as he sank down to a sitting position but that didn't last long. He settled in the warmth and let his wings rest with a gentle purr in his chest. He cooed at Dean and splashed a little.

Dean felt like the last few days were filled with his cuteness quota for the year but it didn't stop Castiel from being adorable. He grabbed some of his soap that he'd brought and started to lather up Cas' body, "Well let's get you all cleaned up, whatd'ya say?"

Cas sniffed at his arm after Dean had covered it and gurgled with joy, rubbing it against his cheek. "Dee," he whispered happily and made Dean smile with so much admiration.

"You're adorable, Cas." He said as he continued to wash his angel off.


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mature rating for this chapter, it doesn't get that bad but there are still some sexual themes

 

Bathing Castiel went a bit smoother than Dean had anticipated, at least his torso. Cas was more than happy to let Dean scrub him down, though Dean had to pause when he got to Cas' waistline. He couldn't help but wonder if it was okay to just reach down there, he was just going to wash Cas off so it couldn't be so bad, right? It wasn't like he was molesting and doing things against Cas' will, right?

Dean sighed to himself; he'd have to give that another few minutes before he was ready to do it. Instead he put his hands on Cas' shoulders, "Alright, let's get your hair wet." He said with a smile as he tried to slowly lower Cas into the water.

At first Castiel was cooperative, he stared up at Dean obediently sliding down, though clearly he wasn't thinking about the water. It encroached on his face as soon as he got low enough and he stiffened, Dean stopped and pulled Cas back up before there was a thrashing moment. Castiel shook his head and rubbed his face with his hands, a grumbled few chittering noises left his mouth.

Dean laughed a little though he wasn't sure what to do about it. Getting Cas to dunk his head in the water might take a little more effort than either of them were willing to put in. Dean looked up at the showerhead and realized it was removable. "Perfect, we'll use this instead." He grabbed it and snaked it down to Cas' side, part of him was worried Cas would flip out about the running water but he decided it was worth the risk.

He turned the water on again and noticed Cas' tense posture, "It's okay, Cas." He put a hand on Cas' shoulder and pulled the tab on the tap. Water rushed up through the hose and sputtered out of the showerhead in his hand, thoughtfully aimed away from Castiel entirely.

Cas exhaled and made a small grunt as he looked at Dean; Dean just took it as a sign that Cas was okay with it. "Pretty cool, right?" he asked as he lifted it closer, daring to spray Cas' chest a little bit.

Castiel nodded with a little squeak and took it from Dean's hands, immediately turning it to look at where the water was coming from. It sprayed him in the face and he dropped it with a sharp 'gah!'

Dean snorted out a laugh as he tried to get control of it; he was so tired from the day and lack of sleep at night that he couldn't help it. Castiel was pouting and Dean was barely holding himself up against the tub as he giggled away.

"Why did you do that?" He hardly managed to ask through his fit, his sides were starting to hurt.

Castiel's pout slipped away and he smiled back, a little laugh bubbling up in his chest too. He took the showerhead back from Dean's weakened grip and turned it on Dean's face for a second. The Winchester sputtered and fell away from the tub, surprised at first but it only served to make him laugh harder.

"Okay, okay," he wheezed and got back onto his knees beside the tub and took it from Cas again, "Close your eyes."

Dean's instruction came with a demonstration and Cas listened, a content smile on his lips as Dean washed the top of his head. Dean grabbed the shampoo he'd brought and lathered up his hands, "Keep 'em closed," he said as he pushed the scented goo into Cas' hair. It was kinda fun to play around with Castiel's hair; he rubbed it in deep and scrunched it up through to the ends. He heard Cas sniffing repeatedly and knew it was because of the shampoo.

"Things are gonna be a little stinky," Dean chuckled and put his hand over Cas' slowly opening eyes, "Not yet, close 'em."

Castiel grunted in reply but kept his eyes shut. Dean turned the pressure up on the shower and went back to work on Cas' hair. It was really easy, Cas even listened enough to keep the chemicals out of his eyes. Dean coated his hair in conditioner next and let it sit as he started to rinse the soap off of the rest of him.

Castiel sniffed some more and put his fingers in his hair to feel the new liquid added to it.

"Don't eat it,"

Dean knew that Cas didn't listen or didn't understand because seconds later the winged boy was spitting and sticking his tongue out in disgust.

"I told you not to eat it."

Cas glowered at him, tongue still hanging out of his mouth.

Within a few minutes Cas' entire upper half was clean and though Dean wanted to convince himself that just sitting in the water was good enough to clean the rest, he knew better. "This is going to be a little weird," he explained calmly, hoping to show as little stress about it as possible. He liked Cas, he did, but Cas couldn't say he wanted anything like that to happen. It made Dean feel uncomfortable at best, but it was just a bath. He told himself this over and over as he grabbed his soap and lathered up his hands.

"Okay," he took a breath and looked at Cas who seemed curious but not worried. "I've gotta clean you up, okay?" He wasn't sure why he kept saying it; maybe repeating it would help Cas understand better. Regardless he reached down into the heated water, his face feeling warmer than before as his fingers traced past Cas' thigh. He took another slow breath and wrapped his fingers around the base of Cas' cock, it was difficult to ignore the soft gasp and little moan that Cas let out but Dean managed to do it. He gently rubbed Cas clean and moved his fingers back to get underneath.

Castiel shifted awkwardly, trying to let Dean get at him a little easier but he wasn't used to the slipperiness of the porcelain surface. His heels slid and his wings fluttered, all attempts were made to prop himself up for Dean's touch.

But it didn't last that long, Dean moved on as quickly as he could while still doing a good job. He refused to be a pervert or someone who'd take advantage of another person; that just wasn't him. Cas whined at him but Dean shook his head.

"Not until you can say yes and mean it," he said sternly and Cas pouted. It still wasn't going to work, though Dean had to repeat those words in his head. He'd been avoiding the thought but it was pretty clear that he'd definitely give Cas a chance if Cas were more recovered from the experiments. Dean smiled a little; he was glad he could get an answer to that question by accident, it left out all the guesswork.

With Castiel all clean Dean helped him out of the tub, "There you go," he grinned and messed up Cas' damp hair. "Good as new."

Cas squeaked his approval and hurried back to their bed, jumping into the covers and rolling around. Dean wished he could've dried Cas off a little more before that happened but he supposed a wet Cas was as good as any, he could live with a soggy bed for one night.

Over the next few hours Dean spent his time putting his shit away, he didn't want to leave it as it was. Making his new room feel like home was important, putting up his photos helped more than putting his clothes in a wardrobe and he couldn't help but sit and stare at old trinkets. It took much longer than it should've but he enjoyed it.

Then he came across a few things he didn't recognize. Sam had gotten everything right up until that point, but there were some items Dean knew for a fact weren't his. He didn't own a dildo like that one he'd found in his possession. It was tucked neatly away with Dean's other toys – a cheaper dildo, a remote-controlled vibrator, and a butt plug- but he'd never seen _this_ one before. It was in perfect shape, very well taken care of and stored properly – Dean had to do some research on how to do that when he bought his own, he was practically an expert. He could tell it was expensive, too. It was sleek and had several vibration intensities and modes, it even had its own fancy bag.

While he knew that Sam had packed it away and he knew that if it wasn't his then it could only be one person's, he wasn't sure he was prepared to make that connection just yet. So how the hell was he going to give it back to the rightful owner? He couldn't just go knocking at the door; it'd be too awkward. He could see it happening, 'Hey man, I got your vibrating dildo, Sam put it in my stuff by accident.'

No, the better option was give it back to Sam. He nodded firmly and went to the door; peering into the hall he saw no one and decided that it was safe to head out. Cas chirped behind him, his hair a fuzzy mess and pantsless, he followed Dean out of their room.

Dean knew he had to be quiet because all their rooms were very close to one another, plus it was a little late already. He knocked lightly at Sam's door, his face intense and his hands starting to feel a little sweaty. He glanced at Jet's door anxiously then quickly knocked again, "Sam," he hissed once just before it opened.

Sam yawned, rubbing one eye he muttered a little too loudly "What do you-"

"Shhhh," Dean shoved the item into Sam's hands, "This isn't mine. Good night." He shuffled away quickly, leaving Sam blinking dumbfoundedly holding a dildo in a bag.

"But you have all those-"

"Still not mine," Dean said as he hurried Cas into his room again and closed the door; a sigh of relief was his reward. Dean walked back to the bed and dropped into it, he'd done a lot of organizing that day and a lot of sorting his shit, he figured it was time to take a break. Cas crawled onto the bed with him and curled up, he was clean, smelled like Dean, he was happy.

Just as Dean thought his day was pretty much over he heard a light tap on his door. His heart jumped and he silently prayed that it was Bobby or Charlie. "Come in," he said after tossing the blanket over Cas' nakedness.

The door clicked and a red-haired head peeked inside, "Uh, hi Dean." Charlie gave a short wave and slipped inside, closing the door behind her. "Can I talk for a minute?"

"Totally," Dean smiled, relieved that it wasn't Sam or Jet but a bit concerned that Cas hadn't put pants on yet. "I just helped Cas take a bath, shouldn't smell so funky now." He admitted in advance, just in case she asked him why.

She laughed a little, "I can tell by his hair, he always hated how crazy it could get without products." Charlie sat down on the edge of the bed, her eyes were on Cas but Dean could tell it was a very distant kind of gaze.

He glanced at Cas who was smiling at her regardless of her melancholy vibes. "So… what's up?" Dean asked with as much care as he could without being insulting, Charlie was looking at her old best friend who'd gone through numerous brain surgeries and body modifications against his will. He could only imagine what that might be like, he could put himself in both Charlie's and Michael's shoes. If the thing that happened to Cas happened to Sam or Jet he was sure he'd lose his mind. He'd go on the same hunt Charlie did to find his best friend. He knew that if he hadn't heard anything about where his brother had gone for four years he'd be pissed at anyone who brought it up. Dean could get into the mindset Charlie was in but he knew he couldn't really understand her pain. So instead he spoke gently and hoped she'd feel comfortable around him.

Charlie was quiet for a while as she rested her hand on Cas' head and started to slowly comb his wild hair into its rightful shape. "I just… I can tell that Cas really likes you, and I know it's because you saved him from the basement." She took a deep breath and looked at Dean sternly, "I want you to promise me you'll take care of him."

Dean hadn't expected the conversation to come at him that night but that didn't change his answer. He looked her right in the eye and nodded, "I swear to you I will take care of Castiel, and I don't just mean I'll passively let him do things and not hurt him. I mean I'll help him find himself again; I'll help him figure out how to be Castiel and teach him anything he can't remember on his own. I won't leave him, I'll never hurt him if I can help it, and I'll make sure he can be the best version of Cas he wants to be."

Any doubt that was in her face vanished and Charlie just sat there smiling as tears slipped down her cheeks. "Thank you," she said calmly, her voice a very steady whisper. "I'll be here to help now too, so I hope we can get him back on track."

"I'm glad you're here," Dean sighed with a smile, "Though to be honest I thought you were going to try and take Cas away."

"While I'd love to take him home and pretend he'd just turn back to normal, that's not our reality right now." She wiped her eyes and went back to fixing Cas' hair, he was pleased and held still for her. "Besides, when Cas decides he wants to be somewhere it's damned near impossible to get him to go anywhere else."

"Sounds like I would've loved to meet him before all this happened,"

Charlie laughed softly, "He would've been all over you, Cas loved pretty boys with freckles."

"You think I'm pretty?" Dean grinned and she shrugged, deflating his ego a little.

"I guess so? Not really my type."

"Yeah, I thought not." Dean's grin widened as he thought about Cas and how Cas always stared at his face. Maybe that was why; Cas really liked freckles.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for following this story you guys and keeping me going through all the craziness my mind decides to put me through. I am grateful to have you all with me and even more grateful for those that take the time to comment even once. I know the holidays aren't good for everyone, me included, so I write to keep myself busy. Maybe some of you read to do the same, I'm not sure. But if you do, I hope I can help even a little bit by uploading during the holidays. Take care guys xoxo


	30. Chapter 30

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a few days, hello everyone. I've recovered from a sudden depression episode and I'm back. Happy New Year to those who are celebrating it this week and thank you again to the sweethearts that tried to cheer me up. I love you guys and I hope you know I'd do the same for you if you needed me. 
> 
> I know some asked for a Cas POV but I really wanted to do this chapter so I hope you like it!

Jet's arms were full and tired but he was almost done, it'd taken quite a few trips to gather up all his shit but he had it. He balanced his way up the stairs and tried to keep his mind focused on the subject of getting his room set up for himself. He couldn't help but wonder if there was a point to it. He knew he had a lot of old shit, a lot of run down stuff that he'd throw out in a heartbeat because he could now. He could afford to replace the broken things, the stuff he hated but couldn't get rid of, all the shit he didn't want anymore.

It'd be far more likely that he'd go through his things and organize it into what he'd be tossing that night. Jet decided that making a list would be the smart thing to do, figure out what he'd have to buy new or more of. He kinda looked forward to it. Shopping for himself used be to a little painful, he'd have to decide what he could do without and what was necessary. Food wasn't an option, but if he needed both a new pair of shoes and pants, because nothing he owned was in good shape, he'd have to figure out what was needed _more_ than the other.

But now it was different, he'd be able to buy everything he needed because he'd earned the money.

Jet tried not to think about where the money came from but it came back to him several times. McLeod might've been born rich but he kept his empire going with the exploitation of others. He kidnapped and tortured at least one person and was responsible for countless animal deaths. Jet couldn't help but see the fortune as dirty money. He didn't want to think of it that way, he knew that it was stupid and he should just accept the fact that he had it now. But what exactly did he have? A sick lab for experiments and playing god. The money was dirty but maybe he could do something good with it?

He'd narrowly avoided being the next kidnap victim. Castiel's trials had gone semi-decently but MacLeod wasn't satisfied, wanted a new subject and Jet was going to be it. It made his skin crawl just thinking about it. If it hadn't been for whatever killed the bastard he might've been in one of those cells losing his humanity as quickly as the rest.

Unloading all of his things in his room was a pain in the ass but it was all said and done as he dumped the last of his things on the floor. Jet stared at the pile of crap and knew exactly what he'd seen put into his belongings, he knew what he didn't see too. There was least one item he didn't spot as they sorted, he'd kept his eye out for but it never came up. Which of course meant that Sam currently had it and was waiting for Jet to come and claim it; or it'd been put into Dean's things. Either scenario was pretty miserable.

Jet pushed his hand through his hair and looked at the time, it was late already and though he was ready to pass out he was a little too scared to. The nightmares hit him harder than Sam or Dean and it didn't make any goddamn sense to him. Sure, he was torn up about almost being a victim and what he might do with the fortune he'd inherited, but still…

Maybe he'd just stay awake until it all panned out. He tried to tell himself it was an alright plan but he knew better than that. He'd seen enough TV and movies to know it was stupid and he'd never get far regardless. But maybe if he was tired enough that he'd just be out cold, no brain activity, he could skip the dreams. Jet was no neuro scientist, he didn't pretend to understand how that whole thing worked, but he was willing to believe just about anything.

Waking up in such a horrified state made him feel sick. He hated feeling so scared, he used to be that terrified as a small child and he never wanted to experience it again.

As Jet decided he'd stay up and sort his shit a strong yawn tried to defy him. He shook it off and sat down with his boxes of garbage, thinking he should've just done this from the start in the entranceway.

Hours passed, he heard some commotion outside a few times but he didn't bother to get up, he figured if it was important there'd be yelling. The sun was long gone and the clock was flipping over to 3am by the time he realized he was hardly able to keep his eyes open. A few hours of only restless sleep weren't enough to keep him awake at that hour so he got up from the floor; it was time for coffee.

Jet stepped out into the hall and for the first time felt like it really was too big for them. He looked at the doors he knew his friends were behind, all of them dark except for a dim glow under Sam's. Jet smiled a little; at least he wasn't the only one refusing to sleep at 3, though it was possible Sam just left a light on. Regardless he started walking down the hall and to the main floor; his footsteps were the only sound in the whole house.

He got over the eeriness of the place after he turned the lights on in the kitchen, the same thought repeating in his head as he went; MacLeod is dead. There was no reason that Jet should be so nervous about the building, Castiel was probably the scariest thing roaming about, which was just another testament to the same. It didn't stop his imagination from running wild, though.

While Jet sat in the kitchen with the coffee maker dripping away, he heard footsteps approaching. He listened without turning his head; they had bare feet and sounded light, almost hesitant. He smiled and leaned back, "What's up Charlie?"

There was a soft sigh of relief as Charlie's steps came in more confident, "I thought you might be a burglar or something."

"Did I really make that much noise that I woke you up?" He looked over at her and she shook her head quickly.

"No, I was in the living room and I heard you from there," she looked at the coffee with a sort of longing Jet understood all too well.

"Want some?"

"I do." She pulled up a chair and sat down with him, quiet at first she glanced at Jet a few times before starting to speak again; "So…" but didn't have all that much planned in the way of conversation.

Jet smirked and rubbed his eyes, he was too tired to really talk much but he couldn't just sit in awkward silence either. "How're you doing with all this shit?"

"Trying to wrap my head around it, I guess." Charlie sighed and leaned back heavily, "I was looking for him forever, they never found a body and I knew Cas would have never run away."

"So you spent the last four years hunting him down, never suspected his old boss?"

"Sort of, MacLeod never spent a lot of time with Cas, plus it didn't seem like it'd be possible for that old man to take him. I mean did you see him? The guy must've been pushing 70 when he died."

Jet tried not to laugh, "Oh I saw him, I worked for him."

"Right, I guess you know exactly what I'm talking about." She offered an apologetic smile that Jet just waved off.

"The guy wasn't strong but he wasn't stupid, I figure he drugged Cas in order to catch him. Sometimes he'd feed me or give me a drink because I was working so hard, it'd be easy to just roofie me back then." Even those words made his stomach do flips. "I wasn't trying to think about it, but it's possible there were all kinds of drugs in that shit."

Charlie's expression looked as disgusted as Jet felt; she stared hard at nothing as her thoughts gathered about the whole thing. "Where's that lab?"

"Basement, I'll show you once the coffee's done if you want." He knew that she'd seen and heard a lot of shit that day, but if he were in her position he'd never sleep either. There were answers in a lab below them, Charlie had been trying to find Cas for four years and now she could finally do something. She could read about what happened to him, figure out what had changed and maybe even figure out how to help. Why the hell would she want to go to bed and get to it in the morning?

"That'd be great," her smile was pretty genuine though Jet could tell she wasn't sure she should be happy about it.

He raised an eyebrow at her, "Don't push yourself, okay?"

"I know my limits."

"I get that, but you've never been so close to getting your Cas back, what I'm telling you is to remember what your limits are. Maybe you shouldn't see the lab tonight."

Charlie frowned and looked away, she didn't reply. Jet poured them both a coffee and handed one to her as he passed, heading out of the room. Charlie sat still, her hands wrapped around the mug and mouth curled in a bit back grimace.

Jet stopped by the door and looked at her, waiting patiently for her to think over her decisions. She sat there for at least two minutes before finally getting up; she seemed surprised he was still waiting. "I thought you changed your mind about the basement…" she asked with cautiously hopeful confusion.

"I said maybe you shouldn't, I didn't say I wouldn't take you to it." Jet smiled sympathetically and nodded toward the other room, "Let's go."

Charlie was up and on his heels in seconds, "You know you're kinda scary," she admitted as he led her down the hall.

"Am I?"

"Well when I pulled up to this place you were screaming at Sam and Dean, if that helps jog your memory."

"I remember it," he nodded, "I guess I can be a little brash. Do I still scare you?"

"Knowing that you have a temper, maybe a bit." She chuckled as she stopped next to him at the door, "But the more I see the more I realize you're just jagged at the edges. I was worried that Dean was a creep because of his attachment to Cas in his current state, but I put that to rest earlier."

Jet laughed and unlocked the door, "Whatever he told you don't believe him, he's the biggest creep I know."

"See, I can tell you're joking now." Charlie poked at his arm and followed him down the stairs; both of them were trying to keep the mood a little lighter. They knew where they were going and they both knew that Charlie was going to find a lot of things she didn't want to see.

Jet walked into the main area and looked at the screens that they'd left on when they were last down there. Still very little movement and what had been moving more before had slowed down significantly. Charlie was quick to approach the computers while Jet stood quietly looking at world under his estate. It was his now, he was responsible for everything he could see. Those things were dying; maybe he should've put them out of their misery. Maybe he should've called the police and explained what he saw as soon as he saw it.

What would he say now? Telling anyone about it now would be just as suspicious, but he didn't know what to do about it. Keeping it to himself couldn't be any better than MacLeod had been, he'd just be carrying it on.

He realized he hadn't wandered into the same labyrinth that Sam and Dean entered on the first day; he saw it on the cameras but didn't want to go any further. It hadn't quite hit him at first, what he now owned or what he could've been part of. It was there in his mind but he didn't think as much about it as he did now. Everything he was looking at was his responsibility; he was the one not feeding those things and he was the one killing them.

"This is insane," Charlie said and derailed Jet's train of thought. He walked over to her and leaned against the back of her chair. She was already in the files that Sam said were difficult to find and reading the fifth one down the list.

"Didn't want to start at the top?"

"I did," she muttered, either she was a quick reader or he'd completely lost track of time.

One sip of his cold coffee gave him his answer. He grabbed another chair and dragged it over to sit next to her, "What'd you find so far?"

"A lot of rambling, basically he was kicked out of his university for teaching methods and radical class experiments. He mentions it a lot in these first ones, he wants to 'show them' and so on with his ground breaking findings. He was just figuring out the splicing thing, combined two species of lizard."

"I'm guessing the insanity comes in with his god complex?"

"That and the fact that he actually did it," She rubbed her eyes, just as tired as he was by the look of the dark circles. "He theorizes human hybrids early on, that was part of his endgame for some reason."

"Probably a furry at heart, sick bastard."

"Hey," Charlie warned, "Just because you don't understand it doesn't make it sick, besides this is more bestiality than anything furry."

Jet raised his eyebrow at her for what felt like the thousandth time that day, "And you know because…?"

"I'm an open minded person. Just don't be an asshole."

"That'll be hard to do."

Charlie just shook her head at him and kept reading, her expression looking a little tense. "Do you… do you think Cas-"

"No." He cut her off before she could even think of finishing that sentence, "He has absolutely zero sexualisation to him."

"So MacLeod didn't hurt him that way at least?"

"That much I'm sure of." Jet nodded firmly, "MacLeod only ever talked about Cas subjectively in the videos we watched, but he mentioned me at one point and it was very different. Don't worry about Cas, nothing like that happened to him."

Charlie took a shaky breath and nodded, "Thanks."

"Just telling the truth." He pat her shoulder reassuringly and looked back at the screen. He didn't want to think about that either, but of course he'd be in a situation that wouldn't let him ignore it. Cas was a science project but MacLeod might've had other plans for Jet if he'd ever gotten his hands on him. Jet reminded himself again that MacLeod was dead, that it'd never happen and he could relax. It wasn't easy but he managed to push the idea from his head as he did his best to answer any of Charlie's questions.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
> 
> First chapter of 2016 folks, enjoy this because it took me a lot longer to cough it up. I like it I think, let me know if there are any discrepancies but I think it works. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has been supporting me through the holiday season. I'm doing a lot better thanks to all you guys, I hope you're all safe and having a decent year so far :)

Sam yawned hard and blinked repeatedly to try and get his face to wake up a little. It was crazy late but he'd managed to organize his room the way he liked it. He'd had to throw a few things out but it was all pretty good otherwise. He made a running list of what he needed to buy; a laptop was at the top. He also had to bring the old one in and see if they could pull any files from it, Cas trashed it pretty good.

There wasn't another sound in the house; he couldn't even hear Bobby snoring. Sam was pretty sure he'd been the only one to say goodnight to Bobby earlier, though maybe that was because the other two were embarrassed about their random items being discovered during the day. Whatever the reason, Sam wanted to smack them both for it.

Though there was still a small nagging feeling in the back of his head about it. He seriously couldn't imagine Jet owning something like that, it looked so pristine, like it'd never been used but it wasn't in a package so it must've been, right? On top of that he always thought Jet was pretty straight, the guy only had girlfriends in high school. But the thing that stuck out the most to him was that Jet bullied him relentlessly when Sam mentioned being bisexual. There were always those little jokes that stabbed at the subject, and while Sam knew that Jet was just poking fun and thought it was all light-hearted he felt like it was much worse than that.

The real insult was the previous year's New Years celebrations; Jet had gotten pretty wasted and spent a good amount of time 'poking fun' at him. Sam was furious at best, but it was all topped off when Jet thought it'd be funny to try and ask him out. The following morning it seemed to be a blur for Jet, like he didn't remember a damn thing about it. Sam would happily leave it at that if he could.

He wondered if Jet owned the dildo because it was going to be some kind of a joke down the line. Sam wouldn't put it past him; Jet's humour wasn't always highbrow. There was a part of him that thought maybe Jet actually used it, the part of him that had a crush on the biggest asshole he knew. But Sam couldn't honestly bring himself to believe it.

He sat on his bed and looked around the room; his posters were on the walls, photographs in their frames on his shelves, it was basically his room. He'd moved a couple times in his life, uprooted more than once and so he was used to the feeling. To him a home was more of a feeling and the people inside it than the actual place. He loved his brother, his friend, and his dad. Cas had grown on him and Charlie really seemed like a nice person, the only thing that bothered him was the underground. But that didn't actually seem to be part of the mansion to him; it was more of an added part of the property.

But he wouldn't be against moving again, finding a more reasonable sized place for their family. He knew Bobby kept saying that they didn't need to give him anything but Sam refused to let that be, he could tell Bobby missed them and he'd be damned if their dad lived in a shitty run-down place all alone for the rest of his life.

Sam knew full well he was avoiding going to sleep. He didn't look at the clock because if he did he'd know how late it was and he'd feel more tired. He wanted to do something to keep busy but he couldn't think of anything that his brain could handle. He didn't want to see what Cas had seen, he didn't want to feel it and he didn't want to wake up feeling worse than when he fell asleep. More than all of that, though, he didn't want to wake up and find that Dean of Jet couldn't get out of the nightmare. The last time left him drained and terrified.

The feeling of Jet's limp body in his arms ghosted over him and Sam shuddered from the memory. He got up and circled his room again; hands running up into his hair and pushing it back behind his ears. It was super late he couldn't just go and peek into their bedrooms…

Sam quietly stepped out of his room before he could think twice about it and crossed the hall to Jet's. His hand hovered over the handle for a moment; he noticed the light was on under the door and realized that maybe he wasn't the only one avoiding sleep. Sam reached up and knocked instead, a light tap but still loud enough to be heard.

He waited but no answer came, he knocked again. Still nothing. Sam raised an eyebrow and slowly turned the doorknob, his imagination running away with him. What if Jet had fallen asleep with the lights on? Maybe he was already having nightmares.

The room was empty and an amazing disaster. Jet still had piles of his stuff on the floor, some things strewn about almost carelessly. Sam was sure that Jet was in the middle of organizing but it kinda looked like he dumped the boxes out and left them that way.

Briefly Sam wondered if Jet was looking for his toy but shoved the idea out of his mind. He didn't need to think about that, not right then anyway. What he wanted to know was where the hell Jet had gone. Sam quickly went to check the adjacent bathroom, nothing there either. With a frown he stepped back into the hall, door closing quietly behind him. He remembered the first night Jet had ended up on the couch, completely unaware of the fact that he'd been sleep walking, maybe it'd happened again?

Sam travelled down the stairs and made a note of how quiet the place seemed. It was unnatural in a way, he was used to hearing cars driving by or people on the streets outside their house. The mansion was too far from the road to hear passing vehicles and of course no one was on the property. Maybe it was better he heard nothing, for this place it meant things were going well.

He found no one in the living room or kitchen; a quick look outside answered the question of whether or not Jet took the car. The impala was sitting pretty where Dean had left it, Charlie's car too. Sam furrowed his brow and leaned against the closed door, where the hell had he gone?

Wandering around the main floor he noticed after almost half an hour that the door to the basement was slightly open. He bristled, imagining everything that could possibly go wrong involving Jet – sleep walking or not- and the laboratories. Sam hurried down the stairs as he tried to quiet the little nagging worry that grew in his mind. Opening the door to the main room with the screens and computers he could breathe a sigh of relief.

Charlie was sitting at one of the keyboards and Jet was next to her, sitting the wrong way around on his chair like the dork that he was. "What're you guys doing up?" He asked as he descended the rest of the stairs.

Jet looked up, a smile pulling at his lips as he watched Sam approach, "Same reason you are, man."

"Couldn't sleep?" Sam grabbed another chair and sat down with them.

"Pretty much," Charlie laughed a little bitterly. She turned to Sam and lifted her coffee cup, "We got ready for a long night of research."

"By yourselves?" Sam raised an eyebrow at Jet who shrugged in response. "Well did you find anything interesting?"

"Jet was just showing me what you guys checked out already," Charlie leaned back on her chair and stared up at the ceiling, "I still can't believe a guy like that lived so nearby and I didn't even notice…"

"Don't blame yourself," Sam offered a reassuring smile, "Most people wouldn't really consider it when they see a 70 year old man."

Jet snorted out a laugh, "I would now."

"You've got reason to _now_ ," he frowned at Jet who just stuck his tongue out. Sam leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees as he stared at the computer screen. There were a lot of answers and questions right in front of them but it'd take far too long to get through it all. He wished there was a way to just search for the answer to his questions like Google or something, but actually doing the readings would be necessary.

"Shouldn't you go to bed?" Jet nudged Sam's chair with his foot, "You still want to finish school don't you?"

"This week's a forfeit, I'll go next week." Sam waved him off, "I was ahead with homework anyway."

"Keep up that attitude and your classmates will hate you."

"They can hate him all they want, it still sounds pretty insignificant from the top," Charlie gave Jet a quick jab with her elbow, Sam wasn't really surprised; she seemed smart enough to be the top of her classes when she was in school.

"Book smarts aren't everything," Jet argued tiredly, his head now resting on his arms and dark eyes attempting stay focused on the computer. He looked so exhausted and Sam knew why, it made him feel awful seeing Jet like that. Jet was supposed to be a smart mouthed jackass, not yawning every few seconds and barely muttering defensive comments.

"Says the guy who almost failed his last year." Sam poked a little fun and smiled when he heard the huffed laugh from his friend. "You know, if you want to go to sleep you should."

Jet shook his head shallowly, just enough movement to be registered. "Nah, I'm good. I had a cup of coffee not long ago."

"He spaced out for like an hour," Charlie pointed out to Jet's dismay.

"I was awake, just thinking."

Sam didn't know what else to say so he rewatched some of the same videos that Charlie was visiting, the ones they'd seen already. She was impressive, he had to give her that much. She took each bit of information in stride though she was still tense; he could tell by the way she was breathing. It was subtle but he could tell it was stiff. She didn't want to let on how upset she was, how much it hurt her to read someone's notes casually depicting her best friend's torture. The videos weren't much better for her, he imagined.

After the last one ended he touched her shoulder, "Charlie, you should take a break."

"I haven't been looking for Cas this long to take a break," she pulled away from his hand and went to the next video before Sam could do anything to warn her. It showed the clone and he heard her gasp, "Oh no…"

Sam didn't watch it; instead he turned his head to look at the monitors on the far wall and wait until it was over. Charlie closed the video program and sat still for a few minutes, her mind processing what she'd just learned. Sam didn't want to say anything; he just waited until she spoke on her own.

"Cas was cloned…" she whispered hoarsely, "…and had to kill his clones over and over again?"

"Yeah," Jet said simply, "he also hates any pictures or video of himself so don't let him see anything like that if you want to keep your electronics."

"I don't think that's her main concern, Jet." Sam rolled his eyes and moved into Charlie's vision, "I really think you should take some time to get through this, you learned a lot in a very short amount of time."

Her face was intense and her eyes looking a little red she took a deep breath, "I can handle it-"

"I don't think you should have to handle it." Sam glanced at Jet for some help but he realized his exhausted friend might not be the best place to look. "You have time, Charlie. He's alive and he's getting better every day, he'll do better with your support when you're healthy."

"I'll support him better when I know what's happened to him." She argued sternly, Sam could tell she was at her wit's end but fighting that cliff.

"And you will, but you don't need to learn it all in one sitting. Right now we're all on the same page, you made up several days of work in only a few hours. That's pretty impressive but also really hard on anyone with a conscience, even worse for you since you knew Cas before all this."

Charlie visibly relaxed and Sam could see just how tired she was. Her eyes were glossy and tears threatened to fall but never did, she exhaled shakily and slumped back in her chair. "You're right, I guess…" She rubbed her eyes and pushed her hand up through her hair, "I just feel like I'm so close now, I can't give up."

"You keep this up you'll drown before you get to shore, kiddo." Jet muttered, his mouth now pushed against his forearm as he struggled to keep his head up.

"You too," Charlie smirked and nudged his arm, he just grunted his reply. She looked back and forth between the two and finally smiled a little easier, "Thanks guys, you just met me but you're looking out for me anyway."

Sam smiled back, "It's just kinda what we do."

"I talked to Dean earlier too, he's so committed to helping Cas… I know he's scared I'm going to try some crap like taking Cas back home but I couldn't imagine doing that. They're kinda cute together, what with Dean's overprotectiveness."

"He gets like that," Sam nodded thoughtfully, briefly recalling little moments where he'd seen Dean's protective side.

"You two are cute too," she added as she stretched, getting up from her chair. "When Cas comes back around he's going to be pretty pumped a hot guy and a couple of boyfriends got together to help him out. He used to be pretty big into the lgbtq+ scene at school."

Jet laughed, "Yeah I'm hot, but those two are brothers,"

"We're all single," Sam added defensively.

"Oh," Charlie rubbed the back of her head sheepishly, "My bad, you just seemed like-"

"Well we're not."

"Sorry," She waved it off and headed for the stairs leading back to the rest of the house, "You're still cute together though."

"Thanks!" Jet called after her as she escaped.

Sam sighed in annoyance and stood up too, "Why do you always have to do that?"

Jet finished another yawn and looked up at him with a raised eyebrow, "Do what? Thank people?"

"No," Sam snapped but held himself back. He knew that getting into a fight about it would just make it worse. "Nothing, forget it."

"No, no, no, don't do that shit." Jet stood up and tossed the chair out of his way, "What's bugging you? What'd I do?"

Sam questioned the intelligence of actually saying anything about it but couldn't stop his tongue regardless of the answer, "Your bullshit is bugging me. Since I came out two years ago you keep making snide jokes about me liking guys too. Always saying shit like 'Sam would like that' at the end of dumb sentences or the classic 'that's what she said- or he if you're Sam' from last year. It's even gotten to the point where you pretend to fucking hit on me and I'm sick of it!" He felt his blood pressure rising and heard the volume of his voice but he didn't care enough to stop it. It felt good to finally let it out, two years of built up anger was tiring at best.

"Pretend to… wait a second-" Jet tried to interrupt him but Sam lifted a hand to cut him off.

"Shut up! I don't want to hear your stupid 'but I thought it was funny' crap, it's harmful and I never found it funny, not even once. You can't just say stuff like that to someone; I don't care if we've been friends for years. I can look past a lot of the dumb shit you do and the messed up shit you say but not that, okay? It's not easy to say to your brother and his best friend that you swing both ways. It's even harder when-" he felt himself trying to pull back but he didn't let it happen, he needed to say this, he had to get it out of his system. Tears started to well up in his eyes against his will and he forced himself to take a breath, "When you tell the person you like something important and they stomp all over it. Faking, pretending to ask me out for some sick joke was the worst thing you ever did, it's insulting and I'm sick of it."

"Sam," Jet didn't sound as mad as Sam thought he'd be; actually he looked more surprised and hurt. Sam wasn't sure if he wanted to punch him more or less for the expression he had.

"I don't want to hear it," he said through clenched teeth and tried to leave, however Jet grabbed his arm firmly and held him in place.

"Too fucking bad, I want to talk about this!" Jet turned him around and Sam suddenly felt like running. He clenched his fists and held his ground, looking Jet in the eyes though brought his defenses down.

"Fine, talk." He stated angrily.

"I don't have an excuse for treating you like that, I'm an asshole and I'm sorry. But I wasn't 'pretending' to hit on you to rub it in."

"Then what the hell were you doing?"

"I was just hitting on you," Jet didn't managed to say those words easily, he let go of Sam's arm and stepped back. "You kept telling me to fuck off when I asked you out, I guess I know why now."

Sam furrowed his brow, "So I tell you to fuck off and you just _keep doing it?_ That's pretty shitty."

"I didn't know what else to do, okay? I'm sorry, I know I suck can you just… can you just not hate me at least?"

Sam didn't know what to do with that level of sincerity from Jet, or how to deal with the way his voice broke. Sam opened his mouth to speak but stopped and took a moment to think it over. "So why did you make fun of me when I came out to you guys?"

"It was 2 years ago and you were the only person I knew to ever tell me that, I had no idea how to react." Jet was clearly floundering for an answer, but not just any answer, he wanted to give Sam the right answer.

"Stop trying to say what you think I want to hear and tell me what _you_ really think." Sam insisted, calmer this time though still stern. Jet looked at him quietly for a few moments, Sam could practically see his wheels turning and his defensive wall slowly falling down.

"Okay…" he spoke softly and took a slow breath, "When I was little and my dad was still at home he used to go on drugged up rampages – you knew that already. One time he went on about an old co-worker who happened to be gay. It wasn't an ugly rampage but there were some awful things said. He told me that if I ever did anything like that he'd kill me, I know he's been in jail for a long fuckin' time and he'd never be able to do it but it still stuck with me. Since you were the first person I ever knew personally that came out around me I… I think I just got nervous." He looked away briefly, gathering his thoughts. "But like I said, it's no excuse for how I treated you. I'm sorry, Sam."

"I forgive you," Sam heard himself say and was almost as surprised as Jet looked, sometimes he liked his auto-pilot conscience and other times he wished it'd hold back. But as far as he was concerned it felt relieving to hear the explanation, even if it was still shitty. "I'm still kinda mad but I forgive you. And… for the record? I never hated you."

Jet cracked a little smile; he looked hopeful, "Thanks,"

"So…" Sam couldn't remember the last real conversation he'd had with Jet, those kinds of bonding moments did come up every day. "You were hitting on me for real then?"

"I was, yeah." Jet chewed on the inside of his cheek again, Sam was sure it was harder than it looked. Jet had bad nervous habits. "And you used to like me before I was a jerk?"

"Yeah, though you were always a jerk."

Jet chuckled and nodded, "You're not wrong." He exhaled heavily; Sam could tell his tongue was poking at the cheek he'd been biting, "Any chance… you might like me again?"

"No." Sam said casually, before Jet's expression could fall he continued, "I never really stopped liking you so there isn't a chance of 'again.'"

Jet blinked in slight surprised confusion, he had to mull that one over before it really clicked. "So that's a yes?" He asked hesitantly.

"Yes, I like you." Sam stated as simply as he could, he blamed Jet's unusual slowness on the fact that neither of them had slept all that much lately. "Now can we go upstairs? This basement freaks me out."

Sam expected something a little more light hearted, like some banter back and forth but he was surprised to see Jet blink rapidly as his eyes watered and turn away. "Jet?" Sam stepped around to stay where he could see Jet's face, "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I'm not," Jet muttered as he rubbed his eyes quickly, Sam could hear the lie in his tone of voice though.

"It's okay if you are, I just want to make sure you're alright." He said softly and touched Jet's cheek, "What's wrong?"

"I just…" Jet swallowed to try and keep his voice on track, "I wasn't ready for that." He choked on a laugh and wiped his eyes again. "I'm okay, I'm just tired."

Sam smiled and gave his boyfriend a hug, "Then let's go to sleep."

* * *

 


	32. Chapter 32

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a kinda goofy chapter to get back in the swing after holiday stuff and decent buffer before the next big stuff. Hope it's still fun for you guys, I'm pretty pleased with how it's been going so far :D

Dean opened his eyes and saw the light of day, he felt warm, comfortable, and extremely well rested. He smiled and stretched, the comfort of his new bed had really grown on him despite the few bad nights. He did notice however that there was an emptiness beside him. Dean sat upright abruptly and looked around, his eyes barely adjusting to suddenly being open. "Cas?" he asked groggily and heard a soft chirp nearby. Cas was sitting by the window, wings folded neatly behind him and a tired smile on his face.

"Morning," Dean sighed with relief and pulled himself out of the bed, "What're you doing up already-" he stopped when he watched how deeply Cas yawned. "You didn't sleep, did you?"

Cas hummed quietly and nuzzled him, "Dee,"

Dean exhaled heavily and hugged Cas, "You can't not sleep just because you don't want to give us nightmares." Castiel purred and buried his face against the crook of Dean's neck, his breathing had gotten light and Dean was pretty sure Cas was asleep. "I can't leave you by the window…" he mumbled and picked Cas up. There was a slight fuss from his feathered friend but Cas settled pretty quick; Dean carried him to the bed and wrapped him up in blankets. "I'm gonna check on the other guys, be right back Cas." He whispered and snuck out the door.

The halls had begun to look familiar to him, it was still strange but he was getting more comfortable with the place. It was starting to sink in that he really was living there.

Dean walked over to Sam's room first and knocked lightly as he opened the door, he wasn't quite prepared to see two people in the bed so he stared for a few seconds to make sure he was seeing straight. Sam was fully clothed but Dean could definitely see another person there, they were tucked under the blanket and cuddled up to Sam's chest. He couldn't see them from his position but he knew enough that he should probably leave.

The next stop was Jet's room and he found it empty as he opened the door; hell, the light was on and there were things all over the damn place. Dean bit lightly at the inside of his cheek as he tried to quell the growing worry. Jet was the one who sleep-walked, couldn't wake up from the night-terrors, and was taking the whole MacLeod's evil thing pretty hard. He was pretty high on Dean's 'worry-list.'

Dean checked the room out first, made sure that Jet wasn't in a spot he couldn't see. He took a deep breath and walked out when he found nothing, not a single trace.

"What's up, boy?" Bobby asked and scared the living hell out of him. Dean jumped and glared at his dad with minor irritation.

"Don't do that,"

Bobby grinned but managed to stifle a laugh, "Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya. Why so stressed?"

"I can't find Jet," Dean knew that without context it sounded pretty odd, "See, normally we have nightmares around Cas and Jet always seems to get it worse. Cas stayed up last night so nothing happened, but I just wanted to make sure everything was okay and I can't find him-"

"He's fine," Charlie yawned from her doorway, "Saw him with Sam last night."

"Yeah but-" Dean stopped as he remembered what he'd seen in Sam's room. "Nooo…" he trailed off as a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth, he hurried back to Sam's door and peered inside again. They hadn't moved so he still couldn't see but this time Dean just waltzed right in. He snuck up to Sam's bedside and peered at them from another angle, he got his answer the second he spotted Jet's hand. Dean grinned wide and tried to keep himself quiet, it was kinda cute and he wanted to take a picture to remember it before waking them up.

As soon as his phone livened up and snapped a good shot, Dean jumped onto the bed with them with a loud, "Mornin' guys!"

Sam groaned immediately and tried to shove Dean off, "You asshole, go away."

Jet on the other hand woke up with a rush of adrenaline and climbed up Dean's torso, quickly pulling him around into a headlock. "You motherfucker," Jet growled and rolled them both off the bed, making sure to land on Dean.

Though it hurt Dean couldn't help but laugh through the pain, "You guys are really cute," he strained to say but Jet didn't let up.

"Thanks, I thought so." Jet snarled, before Dean could retaliate he heard a familiar flutter of wings and bare feet scampering on the floor.

"Deeeeeeee!" Cas cried and dove onto the two of them, it was entirely non-threatening but Cas knew exactly how to dislodge Jet's arms from around his neck.

Dean laughed as he managed to get free from Jet's hold but was now held prisoner underneath Castiel who yawned again and curled up on him. "Thanks Cas," he ruffled Cas' hair and dropped his head back to the floor.

"You're lucky," Jet smirked and knocked Dean's head lightly with his foot.

"So are you, apparently Sam's willing to go outside his league."

"Hey," Sam warned tiredly, "I hang out with you all the time Dean, it's nothing new."

"Ouch."

Jet laughed and rubbed at his eyes as Cas' yawn contagiously spread to him. "I slept really well; I didn't have any nightmares last night."

"Same," Sam furrowed his brow and looked down at Castiel who was once again snoozing faster than anyone they'd seen. "Did he just stop showing it to us?"

"No," Dean left his hand resting on Cas' head, slowly running through soft and messy hair, "Cas didn't sleep last night, as soon as I was out he spent the rest of the time doing his own thing."

"I bet he didn't want to give Charlie nightmares," Sam smiled up at the open doorway where Charlie and Bobby were looking in.

"Yeah well it still sucks," Dean muttered, he understood that Cas sleeping at a different time than them made sense. It would stop the dream sharing but he didn't want it to stop. Dean's reasons were entirely selfish, he wanted Cas to sleep next to him, he wanted to wake up with Cas curled up against him, and he wanted another chance to speak to Castiel in his dreams. He wanted all this, but he couldn't say it to the others. "Cas had to tire himself out so we wouldn't have a bad night…"

"Well I for one am fuckin' grateful," Jet stretched as he spoke, his words getting a little strained until he relaxed again with a sigh. "What time is it?"

"It's noon," Bobby said with a grin aimed at Jet and Sam.

"We all stayed up pretty late," Charlie added as an excuse, "Noon isn't that bad."

"I was up hours ago, got a good look at the place." Bobby glanced down the hall as he reminisced about his little excursion, "Even found that basement you guys were talking about." They looked at him worriedly and Bobby just frowned in return, almost more of a pout but Dean would never think of Bobby pouting. "I'm no foolhardy idiot; I think I can handle looking at some computers."

"Then you know there's some dangerous shit down there," Jet added casually, "Did you explore more than the first area or did you just read some files?"

"I just looked around, the monsters on the screens are pretty intense," Bobby paused and shrugged, "At least the ones that are alive, anyway."

"We've got a bit of body clean up to do…" Dean glanced down at his lap; he'd rather watch Cas sleep than do anything like that though. "Still not sure what to do about that."

Bobby scratched at his beard thoughtfully and nodded, "I might know a guy."

All the youth present stared at him for a few seconds before Jet whispered, "Awesome."

"Seriously?" Sam gawked, "You know someone who does body clean up?"

"I believe it," Dean shrugged it off though he was a little shocked too. Maybe Bobby's guy wasn't 'human body' clean up, but instead he would be okay with seeing the kind of shit their basement would offer.

"I ain't a criminal," Bobby retorted with a little bit of that old man grumpiness he'd been getting in the last few years, "But this guy can get the job done and not say a thing to any officials, he's not a big fan of 'em."

"I can relate," Charlie laughed and turned to walk back down the hall, "We might want to make sure it's safe down there before this guy shows up though."

"Good point," Sam agreed and looked down at Cas, "Think he's up for some basement stuff today?"

Dean pursed his lips and shook his head, "Not right now, he needs to sleep."

"I need to eat so he's got time," Jet headed for the door, knowing full well that he wasn't going to get alone time with Sam while Dean was present.

Dean looked up at his little brother with a grin that Sam just groaned at and rolled his eyes. "What?"

"You finally said yes,"

"We had a serious talk for once, it went well." Sam walked over to his closet, not wanting to look at Dean's stupid smirking face.

"What changed your mind?"

"I told you, a serious conversation happened and I decided to give it a chance."

"What was the conversation?" Dean had to be nosy, it was his little brother and best friend hooking up, how could he not?

Sam didn't appreciate it though; he sighed heavily and closed the closet door with a little more force than usual, except he still kept it quiet because Cas was asleep. "I'm not telling you."

"C'mon Sammy, you got so pissed every time he hit on you and now suddenly it's all cool? What happened?" Dean put on his big brother voice, the serious version, "I know Jet can be a smooth talker, I just want to make sure you didn't get suckered into something."

Sam was quiet for a few seconds, "He couldn't trick me, Dean. And I found out he wasn't just making fun of me, like I thought he was. That's why I'm going out with him now."

Dean nodded, "Well in that case I'm happy for you,"

"Thanks," Sam sat down on the bed, his clothes for the day dropped beside him. He looked at Dean seriously then and it made Dean question if he'd done something wrong.

"What?"

"I want to ask you something, but I'm not sure if I should."

"Why not?" Dean asked with a laugh, "I'm an open book, ask away, Sammy."

Sam curled his lower lip in and he nodded, "Well, don't take this the wrong way, but… have you been doing things with Cas?"

"Things?"

"You know… sexual things? Like-"

"Stop," Dean put his hand up quickly, "No Sam, I haven't been doing sexual things with Cas." He added irritably and frowned at his brother, "Why would you think that?"

"Well he's naked again for one thing, and his hair is a disaster…"

"Oh," Dean had completely forgotten, he was just kinda used to Cas being around he didn't make a habit of checking on his pants situation. "I gave him a bath yesterday and went to bed; I didn't put pants on him this morning because I thought he'd sleep for a while."

Sam nodded, he seemed relieved with that answer, "Okay, sorry I asked."

"I'm not a pervert Sam," Dean grumbled, "I want to keep Cas safe; sure I think he's cute and I'd like to meet him when he's fully there, but I wouldn't ever do 'things' with him until he could consent to it."

"So you would if he were able to convincingly agree to it?"

"Well… yeah," Dean shrugged and looked down at Cas again, his little angel hadn't moved at all. "I like him, and everything I learn about him sounds awesome other than the unfortunate stuff. I know a lot of people's opinions are rose tinted because he's been gone, but I honestly think Cas is a good guy. When he's back to his normal self I want to at least be friends with him, if he won't be mad at us something."

Sam raised an eyebrow at that, "Why would he be mad at us?"

"Well we're not always the most politically correct for one, and for another we're keeping him in this house, we haven't brought him to his brother, and Charlie had to hunt us down for her to get involved. I just get the feeling he could be mad about a lot of that shit if he really wanted to."

Sam laughed at him, completely honest laughter aimed right at him.

"What?" Dean asked defensively, "It makes sense!"

"Have you been paying attention to Cas? Or what Jet told you about your worrying? Cas adores you, he's not going to be mad at anything you did."

"We don't know that Sam," Dean muttered but he knew Sam was right; it was just that he couldn't believe anything could be purely a good thing. Cas had gone through hell but Dean didn't, he felt that saving Cas changed his life for the better and he was waiting for the downfall. Night terrors weren't enough of a negative to counter the amazingness that Castiel brought to Dean's world, he felt like something else had to happen for it to be real.

Good things don't happen to Winchesters with no consequences.

Sam hummed in a way Dean recognized, like he'd picked it up from Cas' behaviour. "I think that Cas is very much aware of what's happening, he just can't communicate it and sometimes his brain disconnects." He smiled as he thought about it and turned to look at Dean with one of the happiest expressions Dean had seen on him recently. "I'm certain he loves you, Dean."

Dean felt a flutter in his chest and was suddenly very aware of how Cas was sleeping on him; Cas trusted him to the point where he'd just sleep in Dean's presence. Creatures had attacked Cas for years, he was trained to fight, viciously tortured and left with only fragments of himself; that same person left himself vulnerable and felt safe sleeping next to someone he'd just met a few days before.

He couldn't shake that feeling in his chest, just the idea that Cas might love him…

"I know you're thinking about how he might not, and just because you can't hear it doesn't mean he isn't showing you." Sam had mind reading powers, Dean was sure of it.

Dean decided to relax, Sam could be right. "Yeah, maybe he does love me…"

"He'll tell you when he's able," Sam nudged Dean with his foot gently, "Or, you know, you'll say it first, whatever."

Dean felt his face heating up, "Alright, alright, I'm getting out of your room."

"Gotta get my teasing in now while I still can,"

"You're just worried I'm gonna bug you and Jet," Dean sassed him right back but Sam didn't seem affected.

"Say what you want, at least I'll be getting some soon."

"I don't want to think about it," Dean scooped Cas up and headed for the door, "Not listening anymore. See you downstairs Sam," he made sure to continue talking until he was away from Sam's room, a decent preventive measure to not hear any more about that possible scenario.

"Noooo Dee…" Castiel grumbled his displeasure in being moved so abruptly and hung onto Dean with a pretty tight grip. Dean wasn't sure what to do with Cas but he figured it'd be best to just stay at Cas' side until he was well rested again.

 


	33. Chapter 33

It was a little after 5pm when Cas finally woke up, Dean had carried him downstairs to sit on the couch while they all hung out. No one was particularly gung-ho about checking out the basement, they knew it would be extremely dangerous and though it could be exciting none of them were stupid enough to ignore the reality of it. Dean wasn't sure he should bring Cas with, he wasn't confident that he could keep Cas safe down there but he knew that Cas wouldn't take it well. Leaving Castiel behind wouldn't happen, especially not if they were heading into the depths of the basement's labyrinth.

Cas stretched out, taking over Dean's lap and the other half of the couch as his wings flexed and blocked Dean's vision for a few seconds. He gurgled to himself and sat up, rubbing his eyes as he yawned and brought his wings back in.

"Good evening, sleepy head," Dean grinned and ruffled up Cas' hair. Castiel returned the favour by licking Dean on the mouth again.

"He does that sometimes," Sam said quickly before Charlie could ask any questions.

"I'm not surprised by much anymore," Charlie commented distantly, a little too into their Harry Potter marathon to care.

Castiel got up and fluttered off, Dean watched him go and sighed as he dropped back against the couch. "Okay, so he's awake now. I'll get him something to eat in a bit but we should talk about what we're going to look at down there."

"It's practically a maze," Sam leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees as looked around at the others, "I wandered pretty far and I think it spans most of the property."

"The property's pretty big," Jet nodded thoughtfully, "You think there's a map or something?"

"If there was it'd probably be downstairs, no sense in keeping a secret lab map outside the secret lab." Bobby scoffed and Dean had to agree with him, he didn't take MacLeod for the stupid type.

Charlie paused the video and turned her focus on their conversation, "I think I want to stay by the computers, do some more reading. Maybe I can keep Cas there with me? That way he doesn't go into the dangerous parts."

"That sounds great," Dean smiled, relieved that a solution came up before he had to worry himself sick about it, "So we'll get going down there and you can wait for Cas by the basement door maybe? Otherwise he might just follow me."

"Yeah I thought so too," She laughed a little but it her expression was grim. "So what do you expect to find down there, exactly?"

"We didn't get that far in the videos I was showing you," Jet spoke up first, "but there was a big room of Cas clones down there. MacLeod did something that would 'find out which was the strongest.' I think he let them all loose or something."

She frowned as she recalled the videos she did see, "He was conditioned to fight anything that looks like him, I wouldn't be surprised if they were all dead."

"I'd like to believe that since most things down there starved to death hopefully whatever was left is dead too." Sam added with a touch of optimism.

"Well we're gonna have to find out," Jet said seriously as he got up from his spot beside Sam, "Let's get this shit over with," he glanced at Bobby and looked like he might say something but decided better of it. Dean figured he knew what it was; they could give Bobby the option of sitting it out and waiting with Charlie. But Jet was smart enough that he knew Bobby's answer would be a little insulted and they'd all go together anyway. Best just avoid the whole thing.

Sam on the other hand didn't have the same rapport with Bobby that Dean and Jet had. "You want to come down too, Bobby?" Asking in a different way was just one example of how Sam was different than the other two, but he added that little sweetness to his tone that usually put Bobby in the palm of his hand. "We could use the extra help, or Charlie could use a hand with Cas-sitting."

"The kid did like me," Bobby nodded a little; Dean couldn't believe that Sam managed it in a way that didn't offend or challenge Bobby's ability to do anything. He might just have to take notes on Sam's approach, though he was sure Bobby would see through him in a second. "My buddy's closer to the area than I thought so I might need to stay by the door."

"Might be good to not get lost in a labyrinth if you're expecting company," Jet chuckled, "So you'll watch Cas, Charlie does some research, and we make sure all the doors down there are sealed up on the living things. Sound like a plan?"

"Sounds like a plan," Sam agreed and they all got up to head to the basement.

Castiel hopped up to Dean's side as soon as they exited the living room, his step right in line with Dean's. "Dee," he said and Dean couldn't do anything but give his attention to Cas.

"What's up?" He asked with a smile, he couldn't help but love the way Cas said his name, part of him hoped Cas would continue to do it even after he could speak properly again.

Cas took a second, preparing himself as he attempted to speak. "I want… to go wit'chu." His stuttering was still there and his inflections could use work, but Dean was pretty impressed.

"I'm sorry Cas," he smiled sadly, "it's safer for you to stay with Bobby and Charlie."

Cas stared at him and Dean repeated it, he wasn't sure why, it was the first time he repeated something to help Cas understand but somehow he felt it would actual do something this time. Castiel's expression changed a little after the second repetition and he sighed, looking away with a dejected gaze. "Okay Dee."

"Thanks Cas, you're the best." Dean leaned in and hugged him, smiling a little wider when Cas snuggled up to it.

"Yo, let's go dude," Jet called to him, the only one waiting at the end of the hall.

Dean nodded to him and took Cas' hand, "C'mon."

* * *

 

Dean had a bit of a hard time letting Cas go when they got to the lab but Bobby stepped up and took Cas' hand from him. "I got him, son."

"Thanks," Dean smiled with a light sigh and followed Sam and Jet to the doors leading to the experimental rooms. "See you guys later."

"Good luck!" Charlie waved, keeping herself upbeat for her own sake Dean figured.

"Don't do anything stupid," Bobby yelled after them, Jet snapped him a peace sign before shutting the door.

"Do we know what we're looking for?" Sam asked nervously as they wandered down the dimly lit walkway together.

"This is my first time down in this part," Jet replied, "Honestly I have no idea what to expect other than what I saw in the videos and on the surveillance cameras."

"I wouldn't be too worried, Sammy." Dean gave his brother's shoulder a squeeze, "Jet and I have been in our fair share of fights, you're in good hands."

"These things have been scientifically altered; they could probably do anything and have any characteristic. Forgive me if I'm not as confident in your abilities."

"Ouch," Jet chuckled and looked back at Sam who they stuck in the middle; Dean had taken up the rear. "C'mon babe, have a little faith."

Sam scoffed and looked away, "Fine, I have faith we're in over our heads."

"Good enough," Dean smirked; he didn't exactly think Sam was wrong about that. "So can I ask why we didn't bring any kind of weapon?"

"I'm pretty sure there isn't anything lurking in this area," Jet sounded calm; it was comforting to know he wasn't on edge yet. Dean tended to think that Jet had a better sense of danger than himself or Sam, then again Jet could've been lying and he'd never know it. "Even if there is something it'll be starving to death, if we can't punch something like that out then maybe we deserve to get our asses kicked."

"That's not a smart way to look at it," Sam muttered but a small smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth.

The three of them walked and looked into different cages, each one was sealed off so they couldn't smell anything but some of the imagery was rotten at best. Dean cringed and stepped away from one that was just a lump of flesh. "What the fuck was he combining anyway?"

"I have a feeling he was mixing Cas' DNA with more than just the cloning project," Sam replied quietly, glancing at the grotesque scenes around them. The walkway had led them to an area that just had cage after cage, nothing was moving from what they could so thus far and though it was a good sign for them it still left an unsettling feeling.

Jet paused and looked at one of the small enclosures, Dean noticed that most of them had very unremarkable living spaces compared to what Cas had been given. Castiel was allowed a distinctive name, room to move and even fly if he wanted. The rest were probably just tests and failed experiments, considering how they'd been treated. The one Jet was looking at had a fuzzy thing curled up on the floor, at first glance it looked dead but there was a small bit of movement around it's chest.

"Makes you wonder if they're safe like Cas or just killing machines," Jet mumbled and kept walking.

"I don't know," Dean shook his head and followed suit, "But I opened up one cage and could've gotten my head bit off, you guys get the next one."

"We're not quite as stupid as you are." Sam nudged Dean's arm with a smile, Dean returned the playful gesture with a headlock and a noogie.

"What was that? I didn't quite hear you over the sound of your pretentiousness."

"Agh! Dean let go!" Sam struggled and pulled at Dean's arm, he'd gotten stronger from when they were kids but Dean still came out on top. Once that was obvious to both of them he let go with a grin on his face and a just a little too hard smack to Sam's back. "Asshole," Sam grumbled as he fixed his hair.

"Serves you right," Dean laughed and pushed Sam along, "C'mon, Jet's getting away from us."

"We should stay in a group," Sam called to his new boyfriend who just waved over his shoulder.

"Chill out, you can still see me, I'm not that far away." He paused again and looked at another cage, his posture was mostly relaxed though Dean was pretty sure his breathing increased a little. "Did we find out how much DNA MacLeod needed to make clones and shit?"

"No," Dean and Sam caught up and looked at the enclosure that had Jet's attention. There was a nearly human body sitting naked against the wall, arms wrapped around mutated legs pulled against its chest, its head leaned back into the corner. Its mouth was open, eyes sunken and skin barely clinging to it anymore. It looked like Cas, mostly. He'd been combined with another person; Dean thought maybe it was one of the assistants that MacLeod might've been talking to in those videos. Whatever the case it was making him feel ill.

"Never thought I'd be grateful for being jaded to horror movie gore," Jet snarked and moved on.

"What were you thinking about the amount of DNA MacLeod needed?" Sam fell in line with Jet's steps; Dean struggled a little more in trying to tear his gaze away from the dead body of a human hybrid.

"Well," Jet glanced at different cages as he walked; for the most part there were similar monsters, repeating experiments on different things. Most of them were dead; every now and then they'd pass something that could've been breathing but so far nothing moved a whole lot. "I was just thinking that if he didn't need much in the way of DNA he could potentially use anyone, you know? Just go and get a swab from a public handrail or something."

"I've got a feeling he needs a little more than a few germs, bro." Dean reassured him, "I know what you're thinking, and I don't think he's made any experiments involving your DNA."

"I guess," Jet had a quiet smile that told Dean he'd hit the nail on the head.

"Yeah," Sam reached over and touched his back gently, a comforting gesture that Dean was sure he'd have to get used to from then on. "From the looks of things MacLeod needed a whole body, otherwise he wouldn't have needed to abduct Cas like he did."

"You're right," Jet sighed with some relief, "Still though, I'm gonna prepare for the worst anyway."

Dean shrugged, "You usually do."

The walkway had split several times in other directions; Dean was taking mental notes of how many times they went left or right. It was only once so far; meaning the stairs to Cas' old enclosure weren't coming up. They hadn't gone right for the room with the clones, he was pretty happy with that knowledge. He'd definitely bring a weapon with him if they were going to open that door; there wasn't proof that anything in there was dead or alive as far as he knew.

Keeping track of the time was a little difficult in the sub-levels; he kept checking his phone to make sure they hadn't accidentally spent hours down there. It wasn't because he was unprepared to walk around in the experiment zones, more so he was thinking about how much time he was leaving Cas on his own. Bobby and Charlie were good company but he knew Cas would miss him. It didn't help that Cas wanted to go with either, he felt like a dick for saying no but he knew it'd be easier if Cas weren't with them. What if they did run into a clone? Cas would lose it.

After a while of quiet wandering they reached a set of stairs leading down at the end of their walkway path, Dean glanced at the other two who both looked like they were considering going down. "Maybe we should stay at this level? Cas was originally further down, I get the feeling the tamer shit is up here."

"Maybe," Sam furrowed his brow, "But that's even more reason to go down." He passed Jet by and took the lead, that sort of determination Dean knew would be impossible to talk out of him.

"We're not here to explore and see crazy shit, Sam." Dean yelled after him but Sam just replied with an already distant 'come on.'

"No sense in arguing with him, c'mon dude." Jet gestured to the stairs, "I'll take the rear this time."

"Alright," Dean sighed and hurried down the steps to catch up with his idiot brother. When Sam came into view again there was another slightly more unique space ahead of them. It wasn't lit like Cas' had been and it was much smaller. It was lodged into the back wall, just a square terrarium kind of space with a similar control panel as Cas' had. Sam was standing in front of it and reading off a touch-screen tablet set up on the pedestal.

Dean walked up to it and looked inside, he felt a pit in his stomach but he couldn't find any body or remains. There was a single structure inside that looked like a man-made tree; it had a person-sized hole carved into it that led a little further into the back wall. It was pitch black in there aside from the small reflections of the walkway's dim lights.

"Gerontology experiment," Sam read the notes aloud, "A perfect clone of Castiel was created but he lacked key features that made someone human, recreating brain signals and neuro-links is for a future experiment, therefore an existing one has been used to complete the process." The deeper the crease in Sam's brow the more Dean worried about what he might hear next. "Holy shit…" Sam whispered and looked up at the cage, "there's kid in there."


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I wanted to add this little short chapter for some Cas POV, hope you enjoy it :)

_Earlier that night…_

Castiel waited, curled up against Dean's gradually relaxing body he listened to the heartbeat of a man he decided he'd stay with no matter what. He listened to the way it slowed down and rhythmically beat, counting the seconds through Dean's internal clock. He'd seen how exhausted Dean had been, drained colour in his face, many yawns and even slowed movements. Cas knew why it was happening, Dean wasn't sleeping well and it was because Cas kept showing him a horrible world after his eyes closed.

Dean never asked to see those things, Cas didn't want to live through it anymore than he'd shown but he couldn't be sure that he had control of it. His mind was clearing up, every day he woke up with more understanding than he had in the last. It made him feel hopeful, a little surge of excitement each time he understood a new word or could say more than a name. He could feel himself under the surface of his mind, waiting and slowly waking. Cas wanted to get to know himself again, he felt it there but getting in contact with former knowledge wasn't as simple as he would want it to be.

So instead of torturing Dean and the others, especially now that Charlie was there, Cas decided he'd sleep a little later, maybe when Dean woke up. He felt Dean sleeping; the calm and shallow breaths were as much a chorus as he needed to know. Cas stayed there for quite a while, he liked to feel Dean's chest moving and hear the little snoring noises. He was sure Dean was having a sweet dream, and while he wanted to see it he knew better than to fall asleep too.

Cas kind of understood that he'd spoken to Dean once, not in reality but in his dreams. He could sense himself, he didn't quite get the words or the feeling behind it but he knew it was there. Cas wished he could reach it but it felt so fuzzy to him now, clearer than before but still too far out of focus.

The room was dark, lit only by the moonlight through the large window. Castiel felt himself drifting, lulled by Dean's heart, his breathing matching the same gentle wave. He shook his head lightly and carefully lifted himself out of the bed. If he stayed there too long he'd fall asleep and that'd ruin pretty much everything he wanted to avoid that night.

Cas sat on the floor, perched and watching Dean sleep for what felt like ages. He didn't mind the length of time though the longer he was awake the more he wanted to sleep. The sound of muttering from down the hall caught his ears and Cas shuffled to the door to listen. He couldn't open it, the light might wake Dean which would only result in him being told to go to sleep.

"So, guess it's time to go to bed, huh?" Jet's voice was soft but Cas could still hear it clearly, he liked the tone of it though. Jet sounded less aggressive, almost timid but not quite, maybe submissive? Cas could smell them, the other was Sam and he understood immediately. He cooed softly and smiled, listening a little more intently. He knew Sam had replied but it didn't click, Cas just paid attention to the tone instead. It was tired more than anything but overall positive. Cas vaguely remembered the feeling he was getting while he eavesdropped; it kinda reminded him of watching soap operas.

The other two were quiet for a bit, their footsteps stopped near their doors and Cas quietly hoped they wouldn't go to different rooms.

"….my room?" Sam asked after an agonizing amount of time for Castiel, he was a little mad he couldn't understand the whole thing but he was sure he'd gotten the gist of it with two words.

"Please," Jet's voice was accompanied by a little, relieved laugh. Cas smiled as he listened to the two walk together into Sam's room. He stepped away from the door and went back to where he could watch Dean again.

As the time ticked away Castiel caught himself yawning several times, Dean looked so peaceful and cute that Cas just wanted to crawl back into bed and sleep again. But for the exact same reasons he refrained from doing so. He listened to the sounds of what he assumed to be Bobby waking up and wandering about, it was fairly early but the sun was peeking over the horizon so Cas figured it was okay for Bobby to be up by himself.

He sighed lightly and crawled over to the window, he looked outside at the sunlight slowly creeping into view. The colours of the sky were amazing, he found himself captivated by them and staring as they slowly changed with the passing of time. He couldn't believe how much he loved the sky; flying in the open space had been the most exhilarating thing he could remember since he'd been freed. He felt bad that Dean didn't like it, but it was nice to fly alone too. He wanted to ask Dean to fly again later, Dean wouldn't have to go with him but going outside together would be enough.

By the time Castiel realized how tired he really was the sun was higher in the sky, which was mostly just blue now. He yawned and rubbed his eyes, concentrating on keeping them open was his priority now. He'd managed to stay up this long he could go a little while more; Dean couldn't sleep forever.

Cas hummed to himself as he watched birds fly by, little tunes that came to mind though he wasn't sure of their origin. He knew that he must've heard them before, maybe before he was captured, maybe after. He didn't know, but he liked them all the same.

He was so tired that after a while time just bled together into one mess of a concept. He felt heavy but comfortable, his eyelids were strained but he held them up, and his eyes were dry from how many times he'd rubbed at them. Another yawn brought more tears to his eyes and he wiped those away just like the others, he noticed how difficult it was to lift his wings so he just let the droop behind him. The sun was so bright; it filled the room and cast long shadows onto the walls.

Cas heard a stirring sound beneath the sheets and a soft yawn coming from Dean. He looked over and smiled when he saw the man that had saved him, Dean's hair was messy and he had the cutest tired expression. Cas was glad he could give Dean a decent night's sleep, all the waiting and the exhaustion was well worth it.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :D
> 
> So please tell me how you feel about this chapter. It had to be in Jet's POV, I know that means there are two non-supernatural characters for most of the chapter but I hope that's cool with you xP

"Did you say a kid!?" Jet blurted out and hurried to Sam's side to look at the tablet, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, see?" Sam scrolled back to a picture of the two humans involved in the experiment, Castiel was there as well as a little girl. She was unconscious in her picture, clearly lying on a table when it had been taken. Her face was splashed with freckles, dark curly hair curved around healthy cheeks, and her mouth had fallen open with no muscle control to keep it shut. To Jet she looked a lot like the little girl from the Hunger Games movie, Rue? He hadn't seen it in a while but he was pretty sure that was her name.

"They used a pretty much perfect clone of Cas to get his adaptability and some of his already enhanced features." Sam summarized as he read along, "They were working on experimental gerontology but couldn't quite mimic it. To expand the studies they tested to see how much of this clone they could de-age, since Cas was the only subject they had that took to most of their tests. It ended up working to some extent but not everything in the body would cooperate, and some of it broke down completely. They took the girl and used her to support the experiment, kinda like a vessel for the results."

"So they used this little kid's body like a petri dish of Cas and whoever she used to be?" Dean raised an eyebrow skeptically and looked at the empty cage again, eyes on the hole in the fake tree. "Wonder which one it has more of…"

"The overall experiment was a failure," Sam continued, "the body was stable but it wasn't a youth of the Cas clone, so they moved on to other animalistic experiments with it. Looks like the mixture was combined with a snow leopard, first successful cat-human hybrid."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Jet growled and pinched the bridge of his nose, "It didn't go the way they wanted so instead of, I dunno, letting this kid go they just do more experimental shit?"

"Looks that way, yeah." Sam looked up at the enclosure and glanced at the other two, "Well, who's going in there? We need to check if this one's alive."

Dean put his hands up, "I did Cas, I think I'm exempt from this one."

"I'll do it then," Sam rolled his eyes and hit the 'open door' button on the panel.

"No way," Jet protested and headed for the door before Sam could think twice about it, "I just barely managed to get you to go out with me, not letting you get yourself killed less than a day later."

"How noble," Sam laughed a little though it was pretty clear he was nervous.

Jet took a calming breath as he stepped through into the strange space; he glanced at the other two through the glass and felt like laughing when he saw the simultaneous thumbs up from the Winchester boys. If he were going to die in the next few minutes at least he'd been preapproved.

There was a rustling sound from the tree and a few pebbles of some kind fell out before he noticed the little blue glow in the dark hole. Jet swallowed nervously and took another step forward, "Hey," he spoke gently, his heart pounded and he wished he could slow it down by sheer force of will. It was stupid to be scared, whatever he was about to see was a child, a child they weren't even sure was alive.

With strength that he concluded was thanks to his mother, Jet calmed himself down and took confident strides into the depths of the enclosure. "You okay in there kiddo?" He asked as he noticed the blue light flickered with speed of someone blinking.

Before he could ask more the strange child peered out and hopped out of the hole, their back was completely covered in spotted fur and a thick snow leopard tail extended from their spine. The kid dropped to the floor with a bunch of those same pebbles and bounded across the room akin to a cub. Jet held his ground though he did take note that the kid seemed to be perfectly fine.

The kid stopped at his feet and he could get a much better view as this weird hybrid child stared up at him. He noticed immediately that they were physically female, her eyes were as piercing as Cas' and even her hair had changed from the original picture. Some of it curled near the front but as it went further back on her head it faded into the same fur that covered most of her body. She was small, he guessed smaller than what she would've been if they hadn't messed with her genes. Even her skin was different; while it used to be a beautiful, even shade of cocoa, parts of one side of her face were now splattered with white, shades like Cas' skin. Jet remembered his mother called it vitiligo; he'd gone to school with someone like that when he was little. He was 7 years old and a complete asshole to this kid that 'looked funny' to him. Jet briefly considered that he might be facing the karmic vengeance of the boy he didn't remember the name of.

She grabbed onto his leg and started climbing, he made no move to stop her and waited as she clambered right up to look him in the eye. Their faces were close and he felt like maybe he should get her off before she tore into his throat or something, but she didn't move. Actually it looked like she was trying to bluff him back, scare him into running away or something. He'd held his ground and now she didn't seem to know what to do with him.

"Hey," Jet smiled.

"I don't know you," she uttered with a hint of the same raspy tone that Castiel tended to have. The fact that she could speak at all surprised Jet immensely. She frowned in slight confusion, her brow furrowed and she stared hard at him. A few seconds passed until she dropped back to the floor, more comfortable with a crouched position she slowly paced around him.

"What're you looking for?" He asked as he watched her circle him, silently relieved he won the first round of the vicious creature lottery.

She didn't answer him; instead she moved around in front of him again and stared at him from a distance. "Whatchu want?" she muttered quickly and it almost sounded like one word.

"I came to rescue you," he kept it light hearted; unnecessary complexities wouldn't make this kid any more relaxed. "If you wanted to leave, that is."

She glanced at the door then back at Jet, her expression was tense and Jet could tell she wanted believe him. He carefully lowered himself down and sat across from her on the floor, she scurried backward as soon as he'd started moving but stopped when she saw him chilling on the floor. He didn't seem so big anymore when he was close to the ground.

"You can trust me, I promise." He said seriously, keeping eye contact with her as well as an open posture; he had a hunch she'd be more in tune to reading body language.

She stayed still for a few seconds but soon started inching closer, little by little, until she was about a foot away. He kept his arms open and gentle expression as he waited for her to decide what she was going to do. Another few seconds passed before she took a little leap of faith and hopped into his lap.

"My name's Jet," he smiled and loosely put his arms around her, she crawled a little closer and hung onto him so he hugged her. "You're going to be okay."

She trembled; a shaky breath escaped her and a sharp sniffle. Jet didn't have to guess to know she was trying not to cry. He didn't move or make her do anything; just let her do what she needed to do before moving on. It was a few minutes before she loosened her grip and looked up at him, her eyes were a little puffy but she actually smiled.

"You're nice," she wiped her eyes and rubbed her nose on her forearm fur, "I'm Desirae."

"Desirae, huh?" he grinned and ruffled her hair gently, "Well c'mon shorty, you're with me now."

She grinned back at him and climbed up onto his shoulders, drooping most of her body against his head and looking around from there. "How come you're not evil? Are you a superhero?" She asked as he carefully climbed back up to his feet.

"I'm just a regular guy, I've got good parts and bad parts like anybody else. I help people when they need me and hoard all the cupcakes to myself."

"Oh," she didn't sound disappointed, "Can I have a cupcake?"

Jet's mouth pulled tight as he fought his immediate instinct to say no. "Yeah, I can find you one."

"Yay! Whatsa cupcake?"

His chest shook with a quelled laugh and he shook his head, "It's food. The best food in the world."

"Ooooooo," she perked up, "Does it taste better than kibbles?"

Jet frowned and glanced back at the hole in the tree, silently wondering why she was in a tree in the first place. "Is that what the stuff was?"

"Yeah, the bad guys gave me lots, I was saving it."

"Well I can promise it tastes a million times better than kibbles."

"Dude," Dean was astonished as Jet walked out with the girl on his head, "That was awesome, she didn't even try to kill you."

"Right? I guess Winchester luck doesn't count for boyfriends." Jet smirked and tilted his head to try and see Desirae, all he caught were the tips of her rounded ears and tufts of curly hair. "Rae, this is my best friend Dean, and this is my boyfriend Sam."

She held tightly to Jet's head, little fingernails dug into his scalp but he didn't say anything about it. "Are they nice?"

"They're more like superheroes than I am."

She took that as a good answer and let up on the unknowing pain she was causing Jet's head. "Hi," she waved, Jet felt her tail swish along his back and took a mental note of how strong it could be. "I'm Desirae, I'm with him now."

Sam covered his mouth as he cracked a smile, "She's so cute,"

"Yep, and apparently she had a lot of food." Jet looked back at the tree again, "They gave her plenty for some reason."

"I read a little more," Sam tapped the tablet again, "Seems they mostly gave up on the experiment, forgot to feed her a few times and so they just dumped a bunch in there. They were planning to test her against Cas, never got around to it."

Jet sighed, "Well I'm relieved she didn't have to do any fighting, means she won't flip out like he does."

"Yeah," Dean sounded a bit distant, Jet was sure it because of Cas.

"You'll see him later today, man, chill out." He gave his buddy a light punch to the shoulder as he started walking, "Come on, we got some more shit to check out."

"Don't you want to take her upstairs?" Sam questioned in a way that sounded more like insistence.

"Not unless Dean's gonna be there to reign Cas in."

"Good point."

Dean laughed, "She doesn't look like Cas, I think it'd be fine."

"Who's Cas?" Desirae tugged at Jet's hair to get his attention, he wasn't a big fan of the reoccurrence of pain but it wasn't so bad if it was from her. "I heard people talk 'bout him a lot."

"He's like you, he got captured and put in a cage for a long time." Sam told her in a sweet tone, Jet was pretty sure Sam was more anxious than ecstatic there was a kid in their midst. But he was handling it pretty well so Jet kept that thought to himself.

"Oh," she let herself dangly mostly on the back of Jet's head and was quiet for a little bit until she perked up again, "Does he have ears like me? Or a tail? Or fur?"

"He's got wings," Dean added with a grin, "Great white wings, he can fly with them."

"He's a chicken?"

"Chickens don't fly." Dean deflated pretty quick and Jet couldn't stop himself from laughing. "He's more like an angel."

Desirae snorted and drooped again, "That's stupid, angels aren't real."

"No, maybe not," Jet reached up and took her little hand in his, "I used to say the same thing, but my mom told me that even if they aren't real some people still need to believe in them."

She held onto his hand but harrumphed anyway. "Fine."

"He just looks like an angel," Dean added, "so we still don't have any real proof that they exist anyway."

She stared at Dean for a bit then nodded, "Okay. Is he nice?"

"He's…" Dean had think about it. Jet knew that the people Cas liked he was nice to, but it wasn't necessarily going to be the case when he met Desirae. "He's been hurt," Dean finally said with an edge to his voice that made Jet's chest ache. "So he's scared, sometimes he might seem mean but it's just because he doesn't know what to do."

Desirae nodded and put her chin down on Jet's head, "Me too."

Dean smiled and reached over to ruffle her hair, "When he warms up to you I'm sure he'll love you."

"Charlie texted me," Sam piped in, "Turns out Bobby's friend is here and isn't a huge fan of Cas. I think we should get up there."

Dean was way ahead of him and running down the walkway, "I'll see you guys up there!" He yelled over his shoulder and disappeared into the darker areas.

Jet shook his head and started following, "We're never gonna get this thing explored."

"I'm not sure I really want to," Sam stepped closer to him and walked by his side, Jet used his free hand to take Sam's and gave it a reassuring squeeze. "It's just hard to see this many bodies, you know?"

"We're tough people but we shouldn't have to do this. I think leaving it to someone else might be okay."

Sam smiled and leaned over to kiss his cheek, "Thanks for understanding."

Jet tilted his head a little to return the gesture without knocking Desirae off, "You're welcome, now let's hurry up or we'll miss all the fun. I betcha five bucks I know who Bobby's pal is."

"It's Rufus, guaranteed."

"Ruin all my fun," Jet snickered.

Sam looked up at their newest friend, "Desirae it might be best if you just hang onto Jet for a while, okay?"

"Yeah, okay."

Jet liked how quick she was to trust him, kids were easier to win over but he wasn't sure what to expect with someone who'd been a science doll for a year or two. Regardless they hurried after Dean, he was much faster so they knew they wouldn't catch up but being close behind him wasn't a bad idea.


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heya guys, thanks so much for being patient and if I haven't said it yet then I want to let you all know how much I appreciate the support for my OCs and this story thus far. It's been a real blast and I hope we can continue to get through it together. Here's a real-time Cas POV for you! I loved writing this chapter, hope you guys love it just as much x3

Castiel stood and watched Dean disappear into the doorway; he felt Bobby's hand holding tightly and knew that running after Dean wouldn't be entirely plausible. He sighed, wings folding behind him as he turned and walked over to where Charlie was sitting. She got to work at the computer again, her hands were quick and she seemed really focused. He hopped onto the chair situated slightly behind her and flinched a little as it spun from his momentum.

He perched there, keeping still as the chair slowly turned and finally stopped. He frowned, from his new angle he couldn't see what Charlie was doing, in fact he was facing the exact wrong way.

With wings arched in the air he balanced himself and tried to turn his chair back the right way around by twisting his body. His struggles didn't result in much progress. Instead he lowered his wings to the floor and slowly turned the chair that way. With enough effort he moved to the spot he wanted next to Charlie and watched her work. She was reading, he didn't quite wrap his head around written word as well so he didn't watch the screen. Instead he looked at her face, she was so absorbed in what she was doing she'd already disappeared from where he was and engulfed into the screen.

"Chahlee?" He mumbled out and she looked up immediately with surprised eyes.

"Cas? What's up?" She sounded a little hesitant, he wasn't sure why but he had a few guesses.

He cleared his throat and adjusted himself on the chair, he wanted to speak properly already but it just wouldn't come to him. "How can… I get better?"

Her eyes wavered and she turned more to face him straight on, there was a moment where they just sat that way. Her expression was tight and she had to take a deep breath, like it was difficult for her to speak too. "Cas, I'm looking….. ..."

He shook his head and tried to concentrate, his expression growing a little more desperate, "What?"

Charlie paused and said again, "I'm looking for a way to help you."

"Is there one?" Cas managed to say without a pause, a tiny feeling of pride growing in him. It was difficult to speak or understand like he used to but he was sure he could do it again; it just needed to come back to him. The ability was in his head, his brain was misfiring still but slowly he was getting pieces back at a time.

"I don't know," She admitted softly and he nodded with a quiet grunt. "I won't…. …"

He tilted his head and squinted a little bit, she seemed to know exactly what that meant because she spoke again.

"I won't stop looking. I'll find something."

"Thank you," Cas smiled and sat back in his chair again, allowing himself to relax a little.

"You're welcome," she smiled back; he could kinda tell she wanted to say more but knew it'd be a difficult conversation. "I'm glad I could repay you for what…. …."

He sighed and shook his head, "I did… didn't get that."

"I figured not," she ruffled his hair and turned back to the computer. Cas huffed indignantly, she'd done that on purpose. Whatever it was, she hadn't meant for him to actually hear it just yet. He'd have to ask her later when he could.

Instead of bothering Charlie further he moved over to where he could see the screens better, scanning for where Dean might be. It felt weird to see the images on the screens, to see nothing but silhouettes on most of them but he knew what should've been there.

He recognized that anything on that screen was probably just like him, something manufactured and unfinished. He felt an ache in his chest grow the longer he watched the still images, it was uncomfortable but he wasn't sure he wanted it to leave him just yet. It reminded him of his humanity, something that was slowly returning to him as much as his speech. It was unclear to him before, his feelings and emotions felt like strange disconnected ideas before MacLeod had died, before Dean had arrived.

Castiel knew it had to be a connection to MacLeod, he was no longer eating the food MacLeod gave him, he was no longer being injected with drugs or put under the surgery knife. Maybe it was time his mind reconnected to itself, functioned like it was supposed to.

He had an idea of what he was before MacLeod. Castiel was his name from that time; it rang clear in his ears, the first real word he understood. Castiel Novak, a mindful, friendly boy that went missing one day and didn't turn up for four years. It was weird to think of himself like that, Castiel had even gone missing from within, even Cas didn't know where he'd gone. He remembered little bursts of humanity striking in his dreams; anger was the first emotion he could really get his mind around.

Revenge. At the time he hadn't thought of it as a concept, he didn't know the word, but he knew what he wanted. When it finally sunk into him that he was able to connect to dreams, that his emotions and wild thoughts could influence another's sleep, he knew he needed to use it. MacLeod was a recurring nightmare, Cas didn't always know what his dreams were about or if he ever had them but he could feel they were dangerous and painful. Connecting to MacLeod at night should have been terrifying but Cas couldn't register his emotional state, he didn't even know if he could feel anything at the time or if he was showing those emotions.

Killing MacLeod without truly understanding it felt like a crime. Castiel was angry with himself but he knew it was a very necessary step for his future freedom. He wished he could remember MacLeod's death, he wished he could have seen the fear in those soulless eyes; he wished he could relish his revenge. But when he'd done it he wasn't clear in his own mind, he wasn't aware, and he would never really know what it was like to feel his vengeance for real. It almost seemed like an empty win.

Castiel looked at the terminal that changed the source input for the screens, he remembered the others playing with it but he couldn't quite remember what buttons did what. He could tell that Dean wasn't on any of the available views and he wanted to find him.

"Baw-bee," he suddenly demanded the older man's attention and got it almost immediately. He wondered for a second if the novelty of his speech would wear off, but even if it did he wouldn't really care. Cas pointed at the terminal, "Dee."

Bobby chuckled and walked over, "Not sure I know how, bud."

Cas was glad he could convey what he wanted with a few gestures and names, but he knew he should be practicing. Hell, he felt a little proud of himself for even being that aware of his situation. Knowing he needed to practice was a huge step; he wished he could share it with Dean.

He watched silently until he saw Bobby finally succeed in switching the screens. Cas chirped out of habit and reached over to take control, "Thanks Baw-bee."

"You're welcome," Bobby was still pretty amused, he backed off without any further input from Castiel. He got distracted seconds later but Cas wasn't paying attention past that, he was searching for Dean.

Each time the button was pushed there were new sets of cages and hallways until he spotted a familiar trio. "Dee!" he cheered and sat back comfortably as he watched Dean and the other two walk from one screen to the next. Relief spilled over his mind where he didn't know he'd needed it; he'd been concerned about Dean's safety down there without him. Cas knew what could live down there, he remembered the sounds of other creatures from his dome, he remembered the things he had to fight. Most creatures he'd ever encountered in MacLeod's labs were unfriendly and dangerous; Cas felt like Dean needed him there. Castiel could fight; he knew he was capable of tearing a head off of a body with enough momentum. He wished Dean would've brought him with, but he understood the lack of confidence. After all, Cas wasn't entirely in control of himself yet.

The sound of the basement door opening struck his ears and Castiel looked up, Bobby was going up the stairs. He watched for a second, debated following, and decided that he'd rather watch Dean's progress.

Dean and the others stopped at an enclosure that Cas didn't know but they were looking into it like they had the others. Something must've gotten their attention though, he could tell by their movement and how suddenly animated Jet had become. He stared intently and watched as they opened the door, his heart jumped and he leaned forward at the edge of his seat. Why had they opened a door?

He looked for the new screen that was similar to what he saws from the hall and once he found it he looked back and forth between the two. They'd closed the door again but allowed Jet to walk inside, "Chet," Cas whispered worriedly and caught himself holding his breath. He was sure his heart would stop when he saw something climbing out of the wall, it was small but that didn't mean anything when it came to MacLeod's experiments.

Jet was calm, or at least he looked like he was. Dean and Sam didn't open the door for him to get back out and the thing in the cage was moving closer to their friend. Cas stared helplessly as the thing he didn't recognize crawled over Jet, in a split second he imagined the numerous ways this creature could tear Jet apart. He could see blood spilling and limbs flying, flesh dissolved by acidic substances or just a simple decapitation. He could imagine the worst and it felt like it was gutting him in the horribly short amount of time he was watching.

But in the end it didn't kill Jet. It was heart wrenching and terrifying at the same time, Cas felt like he was going to implode from the sudden rush of stress, it made him sick. He dropped back and groaned knowingly, he was sure he'd made numerous animalistic sounds while he was watching but the groan was the only one he controlled on his own.

Just those few seconds were enough to drain him, he felt even more exhausted than when he'd stayed up all night. Cas remained slumped in his chair as he watched the events unfolding, Jet was close to the new experiment but still alive, Cas tried to keep calm about it.

Then he smelled someone completely new. He stiffened and looked up at the still open basement door; Bobby was coming back but someone was with him. It was Bobby's friend maybe? Castiel pushed off his chair and flew up to the railing, landing just as the two came into view of the lab.

"Holy shit!" The stranger shouted immediately, he had a loud voice and was carrying a weapon – Cas had seen one of those aimed at him once before, it was a large gun and it could kill him with one shot. The man continued to freak out but his words were lost to Castiel's understanding, Cas was too focused on the gun to understand any words spoken by anyone in the room.

His wings arched and the room was drenched in a familiar blue light as he screeched a warning. He couldn't think, he knew that weapon, he'd seen other experiments shot before. He remembered tests, the tests to see how strong he was, to see if that weapon could hurt him like it did others.

The stranger was frantic and Castiel screamed again, a human sound mixing with an animalistic shriek. He felt logic draining from his mind and he couldn't get a handle on it, control slipped away and he fell back into a mental groove. Watching from the inside as his instincts took over, fear and anger ruled his movements now.

Charlie was calling to him but he couldn't understand her anymore. The stranger hadn't backed off, he aimed the gun shakily, his own defense against Cas. Bobby stood with his hands up to Castiel in between them, he was speaking too, an attempt at a calming voice but it was lost on Cas' current mind set.

He screeched again, wings arched high as he stared the stranger in the eye. The room was a blinding light that never seemed to bother Cas' eyes, his jaw descended and he felt the sharper set of teeth emerging.

Internally he cried out at himself to stop, Castiel Novak begged him to stop but it wasn't enough. He bristled, wings flexing agitatedly, he didn't look away for even a second as he stared down the stranger with a weapon.

Bobby was angry but it was directed at the other man who wouldn't listen either. Castiel growled and the next shriek rolled into a vicious roar that shook the room, his last warning. The stranger was shaking but wouldn't lower the gun; it was aimed at Castiel's head and didn't shift away.

Cas didn't give another indication of his intent, he lunged forward with enough force to break the railing as he leapt off of it. He was fast, too fast to see coming but too slow to not be seen. The stranger's itchy finger was quick enough to fire, but Cas wouldn't have reached him anyway.

Castiel crashed to the ground from the running force of a person he hadn't even noticed in the room. Dean held onto him after a running tackle, just fast enough to save Cas' life.

He struggled first before he realized who it was. Cas snarled at Dean for holding onto him, for stopping him, but slowly that anger dissolved as he stared at Dean's eyes. The anger he saw there wasn't aimed at him, Dean wasn't doing it to stop Cas from fighting the stranger.

Dean said something but Cas couldn't understand it. He just stared at Dean's face and before he could even understand his own emotional disconnect he felt tears rolling down his cheeks. "Dee," he cracked, voice trembling and eyes wide. He wanted to say more but he couldn't find the words yet.

What he did understand was Dean's quiet smile, the look in those green eyes and the very softly spoken, "It's okay, Cas."


	37. Chapter 37

Dean ran through the basement corridors faster than he really registered. That simple message from Charlie was vague but he'd had a burning feeling for a while, since they'd opened up that one enclosure. Something was up with Cas, he could just feel it and getting that text was more than enough to get him running.

He sped up the last set of stairs and threw open the doors to the lab's main room, his eyes hurt pretty quickly as the flashing blue light reached them. "Cas!" He shouted but was drowned out by a sharp, piercing scream. It sounded like it did at first but now was mixed with Castiel's normal voice, like a human scream edged with razor wire. Dean bolted across the large room, he didn't know what was happening but his heart was in his throat.

Castiel was hurting and terrified, he was sure of it. Whatever was happening it wasn't because of Cas.

"CAS!" He shouted again but was once more drowned out with another shriek; this one less human than the last and even made the room rumble. Cas was hissing and tense, his wings were arched high and as intimidating as they could possibly get. Dean rushed up the stairs, his legs felt like they'd give out but he wouldn't let them, he couldn't trip. He absolutely could not miss the next few seconds, he could feel Castiel's next movement before it even happened, he just knew it was coming.

Dean dove forward with all of his strength, colliding heavily with Castiel and toppling them both to the floor as the sound of a gunshot rang out loudly. Dean didn't think, he just held on as tightly as he could and gave Cas no room to wiggle free or thrash about. He didn't even think twice about the look that Cas shot his way, an almost mindless threat in unavailable eyes. He knew that this wasn't Cas, this monster he became when afraid was so far from the real thing.

He watched the insanity drain away from Cas' gaze leaving confusion in its wake. Dean sighed with some relief but didn't loosen his grip just yet; he also couldn't ignore the anger swelling in him. He glanced over at the two grown men who were pretty shaken by the whole thing, "What the hell Bobby? What was that?"

"Don't look at me, I told him to leave the gun in the truck," Bobby was mad too, Dean knew better than to continue that conversation at that moment. Keeping up hostility while Cas was like this was probably also a terrible idea.

"Dee," the most heartbreaking voice said to him and Dean felt a sudden pain in his chest crawling up his throat. Castiel's eyes were just as anguish inducing as his broken tone, Dean swallowed hard to keep himself from tearing up too. Cas was scared and Dean didn't blame him for a second.

"It's okay, Cas." He whispered and touched his angel's cheek, wiping at least some of the tears away. New ones took their place and washed over his hand, dripping down his forearm as Castiel stared at him. Dean felt his jaw shake and clenched it as he pulled Cas down against his chest, holding tight in a hug. "It's okay," he repeated helplessly, "I've got you, I'm here. I've got you, Cas."

"The fuck was that!" Jet shouted from the door to the rest of the labyrinth, he and Sam had just arrived. Dean didn't bother responding and just held onto Cas, keeping his focus on comforting. The rage inducing shit could be transferred from Sam and Jet; Dean would leave it to them for the time being.

"Bobby's friend is here," Charlie said quietly, she was startled from the gunshot too. Dean didn't imagine she was terribly used to that shit, none of them were.

"Why are there guns involved?" Sam took over; by the sound of it he was aiming his question at Bobby and his buddy Rufus.

Bobby looked over at Rufus with an expression Dean recognized as a 'I'm so done with this shit' look. "Mind tellin' 'em why?"

Rufus stuttered angrily for a second before he found the ability to make sense again, "To protect myself from shit like that, that's why! You don't tell a guy he's walking into a lab of weird experiments and expect me to go in empty handed! I've seen movies, Bobby!"

"Shut the fuck up," Jet snarled as he walked up the stairs, Dean didn't see Desirae on him and figured Jet passed her over to Sam for a moment. "You fucking caused that shit by having the gun; you think we'd hang around with a dangerous monster roaming free?"

"Boy don't you take that tone with-"

"Fuck off, asshole! Just admit you're an idiot and I might just let you stay in my house. We want that shit cleaned up but if you're gonna be a complete fucking moron about it then I'll throw you out the door myself!"

Bobby put a hand on Jet's shoulder, "Calm down, boy." He said easily, a usual voice of reason. "Rufus wasn't ready for all this and that's my fault, okay? I should've forced him to leave the gun in the car."

"Yeah, you should've." Jet growled but he'd toned it down.

"We know how Rufus can be," Dean added from the floor where he was holding Cas. It wasn't the most comfortable for him but he felt Castiel calming down little by little, he didn't dare move. "Don't worry Bobby, it was an accident."

"Sorry," Rufus grunted, a rare occurrence from the man who normally held himself up at home alone. "I messed up this time."

Jet took a deep breath to calm himself down and looked down at Dean, "Did Cas get shot?"

"No, I don't think so." Dean ran his hand down Cas' back and over his sides one at a time, he couldn't find any warm wet spots. Cas also wasn't trying to nurse any wounds, Dean felt pretty safe in assuming Cas wasn't injured. "I think he's okay, at least that way."

"Good," Jet smiled and ruffled Cas' hair before he walked over to Rufus in the doorway, "Go put that outside, please."

"Sorry boys," Bobby said again tiredly, "I messed up too."

"It's okay," Dean said again though he figured Bobby was talking to Sam and Jet that time since neither of them seemed to say anything before.

"No one got hurt," Sam added helpfully, "We're all a little frazzled, that's it."

"We're cool," Jet agreed and gave Bobby a confirming nod. "Mind showing him the way? It's a big place."

"Yeah," Bobby adjusted his hat and led Rufus back out the door.

"Jesus fucking Christ," Jet pushed a hand through his hair after the two were gone, he went down the stairs again left Dean lying there with Cas. Castiel was heavy, he made no attempt to hold himself up or support the weight of his wings, nothing. He just curled up against Dean's chest and remained still, his breathing had gone from a gentle rise and fall to erratic and continued to slip.

Dean slowly caressed Cas' hair, fingers trailing through the dampened locks, lingering on Cas' skin. Castiel had broken into a cold sweat, soft whimpers started to escape him and Dean wasn't sure what he could do or say. He was worried but freaking out at the same time wasn't going to help. He felt tears burning at his eyes and he let them fall, he just kept one arm around Castiel's shoulders and traced a hand over his head gently. All Dean could think to do was show Cas physically that he was there, that he was going to keep Cas safe.

It stung to hear Castiel crying like that, quiet whining escalated into sobbing and Cas' fingers dug into Dean's shirt, scraping once at the skin below as his hands closed into firmly clenched fists. Dean recognized the general feeling that Cas was going through, it was like a panic attack mixing with left over hysteria from the moment. Dean cried silently as Castiel broke down in his arms, sobbing rising into wails and ragged breaths.

The rest of the room was silent as Castiel fell into one of the most human things he'd done so far. Overwhelmed with everything happening to him he just crumbled into pieces, Dean was glad he could be there to hold Cas as it happened but he felt awful for letting it occur in the first place.

No one said a word as the minutes ticked by, there was a small whispered conversation but it wasn't loud enough for Dean to hear over Cas. He waited as Castiel's breakdown slowly calmed, tears slipped from his eyes while he listened to the quieting gasps for air. Cas lowered into a dull pain, his chest heaving as he caught his breath, coughing just a little.

Cas' fingers loosened on Dean's shirt but pulled down, curling closer to his face. "I don't want… to be like this…" he whispered hoarsely and Dean held him just that much tighter.

"I know," he replied gently, "I'm sorry, Cas."

"Is he okay?" Sam asked softly, he'd so quietly climbed the stairs that Dean had no idea he was there.

"I don't know," Dean ran his hand behind Cas' head and cradled it, "He's really upset…"

"It's the gun," Desirae popped into his vision and her sudden appearance made both Dean and Castiel jump.

Cas had no energy to be vicious or defensive, he just held onto Dean a little tighter and stared her right in the eye. Desirae stared back and after just a few seconds Cas huffed once and dropped his head back onto Dean's chest.

"They used guns a lot," she repeated a little softer and sat down, eyes glancing over Cas' wings and back up to his face. "Sometimes they shoot for fun."

Dean closed his eyes and took a deep breath, he could feel Cas calming down, physically loosening up and relaxing right on top of him. He kept sliding his hand over Cas' head, just a gentle petting motion to let Cas know he was still there. "It's okay," he said again, "The gun is gone, no one's going to hurt you." He was pissed as much as he was stressed out and hurt seeing Castiel break like that. He wanted to shout at Rufus, throw a punch or ten. He was livid but aggression wasn't what Cas needed to see, not right at that moment. Dean would handle it later, for that moment he needed to be there for Cas though he was glad Jet gave Rufus some shit.

After a few moments Desirae started to make little animalistic noises at Castiel who perked up and stared at her intently before responding with some of his own. Dean opened his eyes again and looked at Cas' face, his eyes were reddened from crying but they seemed to have a little sparkle in them as he grunted back and forth with the new kid.

"What're you doing, kiddo?" Jet asked as he sat down on the edge of the stairs, watching the little conversation he didn't understand.

"Talking to him," she smiled and inched closer to Cas who remained attached to Dean but still alert to her movements. "He understands what I'm saying."

"Clone language maybe?" Jet guessed out loud and Sam shrugged.

"Might have something to do with mental stuff?" Dean added, "You know, Cas can talk to me in my sleep, maybe she can communicate with him?"

"I don't care how it works, as long as she can tell him it's okay." Charlie sounded as torn up as Dean felt, he couldn't imagine what it was like for her to hear all of that. She must've been terrified to see Castiel so vicious and then see him almost get shot.

As Desirae continued to talk to Cas, Dean noticed the small changes in Cas' posture. Those little moments of understanding someone else and being understood were lifting him, almost making him lighter. Cas' wings had stopped drooping, no longer flat on the floor; they were now comfortably folded behind his back. His face was still tired but it had a little life again, like the misery he'd just felt wasn't at the forefront of his mind.

Castiel then looked at Dean with wide eyes again, more surprise than horror as they were before. "Dee," he whispered with a subtle laugh, "she knows what I say."

Dean felt a smile pull at his mouth and he nodded, he had to take a deep breath to quell the sudden rush of emotion. "Yeah? That's awesome, Cas."

Cas wiped his eyes and crawled higher on Dean so their faces could be level, "Thank you," he said slowly to make sure he'd said it right.

"You're welcome," Dean put his hand on Cas' cheek and brushed his thumb over a once damp trail, he was glad there were no more tears there. "Guess you had to let it out sometime, huh?"

Cas just smiled and leaned in close, Dean expected the tongue again, licking his mouth like before, but he was wrong. Castiel full on kissed him, a slowly deepening, impassioned kiss that made Dean's cheeks flare up. Heat rushed into his face and brought a pink hue to his skin as Cas continued. It wasn't like kissing an animal or someone who didn't know what they were doing, it felt like Cas really understood what it was and had a lot of practice.

Dean had to gasp for air when Cas lifted away; he stared up Castiel in awe and felt the little increase of admiration. "Cas," he could only find the single word in his vocabulary, Cas had stolen all the rest.

"I love you," Castiel said then, it was shaky but only in its delivery, Dean could tell that Cas meant it whole-heartedly.

Dean blinked and tried to find his ability to speak again, "Cas, I-" Castiel placed a finger over his lips to stop him.

"No," he shook his head, "not now. Don't… say it now."

Dean stared at Cas silently for a few seconds to understand where he was coming from. Castiel could understand what and who Dean was, Cas saw him and felt him, dreamed with him and knew exactly what Dean was about. It was easy to say for Cas, he understood that he meant it.

On the other hand, Dean only had guesses and assumed personality he could go off of to understand Castiel. Cas couldn't be sure Dean meant it in the same way until he was able to meet Cas as a whole. No old stories or videos, but Castiel Novak himself.

"Okay," Dean whispered and smiled, "I get it, Cas."

Castiel accepted that response and lifted himself off of Dean, allowing him to get upright again.

Jet looked at Desirae with a smile, "What'd he say to you?"

"He's glad Dean was here, he's mad at himself for going crazy, he hates guns." She shrugged and smiled up at Jet, "Also he's happy he can talk to someone, wants me to translate what he doesn't get."

Jet raised an eyebrow at her, "You know, you're very articulate for a kid…"

Desirae shrugged again but Charlie raised her hand as if she were in school or something, "I think I know, it might be the Cas clone part of her." Her chipper attitude didn't last much longer than that sentence; she looked over at Cas again with a melancholic expression Dean understood too well. "I'm sorry I couldn't help, Cas… I don't understand all the ways you've changed yet, I guess."

Cas tilted his head a little and looked over at Desirae who made incoherent noises at him in return. He then turned back to Charlie; Dean saw the gentle look in Cas' eye and hoped he'd say something kind to her. Charlie had been quiet for the whole exchange, he could already tell she was the type to internalize her trauma and pain and it worried him a little.

"I know," Cas said with a quiet smile, there was a sort of tranquility in his voice. Dean could feel it in Cas' tone, like Castiel had finally faced the agony he'd been put through. Somewhere in that last outburst Cas finally came face to face with the monstrosity he could be, the changes that were made in him. Dean knew that before, when Cas saw images of himself, he just snapped but went right back to normal. This time was different; it was more like Castiel really was in there and witnessing himself. Dean felt a lot of pride in knowing that, it was painful but he was so proud of Cas for coming so far.

Charlie wiped her eyes quickly before any of the others could notice too much. She didn't want to display how she was feeling, to make Cas feel bad for her or anything like that. But it wasn't enough to try and hide it; Castiel crawled over to her side and hugged her.

"I know you're… sorry, I forgive you," Cas spoke gently as he held onto her, "I forgive you… for everything. I missed… you," each pause was a struggle to get past, Cas fought hard to speak properly. Some of his pronunciation was off and inflections weren't always quite right, but overall he was doing so well.

Charlie sniffled hard and nodded, it was clear she was trying to keep it in, keep herself in one piece. It didn't work out that way, though. She clung to Cas and buried her face, it was quiet but Dean was pretty sure she was saying something to him. Telling Cas something only they would know, Dean didn't want to pry into it.

He looked over at Jet and Sam and watched as Desirae crawled back onto Jet's shoulders, "So what should we do about Rufus?"

"He's an idiot," Jet said again, "but I get why he freaked out. Bobby should've told him about Cas before coming down."

"I bet he did," Sam scoffed softly, "I think Rufus just didn't believe him, you know how stubborn he can be."

"Doesn't excuse almost shooting Cas," Dean grumbled, "but I guess we can give him another chance… He's not allowed near Cas anymore though."

"Or Rae," Jet added firmly.

"Alright," Sam stood up, "I'll head upstairs and talk this out with them, I seem to be the most level headed after that whole thing."

"Yeah," Dean sighed and looked over at Cas again, "if you let me up there I'll punch the bastard right in the nose."

"Can you do that anyway?" Jet chuckled and Sam shook his head at the both of them.

"C'mon, Rufus is rough around the edges but he's not evil, just jumpy." He walked off after that, stepping around Cas and Charlie carefully to exit the basement.

Cas finally let Charlie go, both were smiling with tears in their eyes. He looked over at Dean before shuffling back to his lap, "Dee?"

"What's up Cas?" Dean smiled and put his arms around Castiel's shoulders, just glad to have him there at all.

"Can we… eat? I'm hun…" he paused and attempted to say hungry. Not everything came easily, Dean wished Cas would just struggle with names but he guessed normal words would stump him a bit for a while too.

"Yeah, let's get some food." He took Cas by the hand and stood up with him. "C'mon guys, let's get out of here."

"Yeah, enough playing in the basement for now," Jet agreed and followed up after Sam's lead.

"I'll… catch up." Charlie smiled and trotted back down to the computer she'd been at. "I found something interesting, you guys go ahead."

"If you're sure," Dean called after her, "I'll make you something so you better come up at some point."

"I will!"

Castiel waved at her and led Dean up the stairs, not letting go of his hand for even a moment. Dean still couldn't believe how far Cas had come or what was going through the winged man's head. His mind was stuck on the words 'I love you' and he wanted to say them back. He could feel it burning at the back of his head, a response remaining unsaid until he could be certain that Castiel would believe it.

Not saying 'I love you too' was hard but Dean understood the importance. He knew that his response wasn't so he could feel better and know he returned his feelings, it was for Castiel to know. Dean promised himself he'd find the right moment to say it

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured I'd draw Desirae and I kinda like how it turned out here. I wanted to make her look smaller but it didn't turn out that way. Maybe this is little Rae when she's a bit older? I dunno, but I like it.
> 
> As always I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Let me know what you thought, I had a lot of fun writing it :3


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had stuff to say before but I kinda forgot what it was. Anyway my laptop is shit and it ate a good chunk of this chapter while I was writing so it's a day later than I anticipated xP Hope you enjoy! Thanks for sticking with me :3

"Hey," Jet nudged Dean lightly, leaning close and speaking quietly so the two experiment buddies wouldn't hear he said "think you could watch Rae for a bit? I wanna get her something that fits."

Dean looked at him for a second and then at Cas and Desirae who were busy having a little conversation only they could understand. "Sure, she seems really well adjusted, she'll probably be fine without you here for a bit."

"Thanks man," Jet pat him on the shoulder, "I'll grab some stuff for Cas too while I'm out, I had a few ideas on how we might be able to get him outside or to town."

"Dude, if this is that weird backpack thing again-"

"It's better, chill." Jet waved him off and walked over to Desirae, "Hey kiddo, I'll be back in a little while, take care of Cas okay?"

She looked at him curiously, "Why?"

"Cuz I need to get some stuff and he feels comfortable with you," He rubbed her on the head and headed out the door, "Be good."

"Heeeeyyy!" she protested, trying to fix her hair. Cas chittered a little and plucked at her curls too, it didn't seem to help but she thought it had so that was all that mattered. "Thanks Cas," she smiled and gave him a quick hug, "You're with me now."

Castiel laughed a little and nodded, "Okay, but be nice." His sentences always came out better when they were shorter, Dean didn't care how Cas spoke though. He was just happy to hear Cas' voice at all; to him it was more amazing than anything else in that basement.

Dean let the two of them goof off and chat while he prepared their meal, Sam was spending quite some time with the others and Charlie hadn't come up yet. Dean wondered if he should make enough for all of them or just a few, though if no one else showed up he was sure Cas could finish it all off on his own.

"Where'd Jet go?" Desirae asked after a while, her conversations with Cas had subsided for the time being and she had climbed onto his shoulders for some entertainment. Cas didn't seem to mind so Dean didn't either.

"Went to town," Dean said as he checked on the fries in the oven, he loved feeding Cas new things and it was damn time for a cheeseburger and fries. He'd made the patties by hand using a recipe of spices Bobby had taught him. He skinned and cut the potatoes himself, while he'd normally use oil to fry them they hadn't thought that far ahead. Instead it was oven-baked, not as awesome but healthier; Sam would be proud.

"Why can't I go?"

"Well, Jet wants to make sure you enter society comfortably so he's coming up with a plan. For now just wait, he'll be back pretty fast." Dean smiled at her though he was a little more entertained by the small irritation her tail was causing Cas' wings. Each time it lightly tapped one side it moved to the other, and with every touch Cas' feathers fluffed and his wings twitched.

"I guess," Desirae sighed and dangled her arms on either side of Cas' head, resting hers in his mop of hair. "Do you think he'll come back? Maybe he'll leave forever."

"Not Chet," Cas shook his head, Dean was so happy that Cas still insisted on trying to speak despite having a little translator with him now. "He'll be back."

She snuffled a laugh and reached down to pull at Cas' cheeks, "It's _Jet_ ," she said playfully, he let her tug at his face without a complaint.

"I know," he smiled, Dean expected an explanation but there was none. Maybe Cas was just sentimental about his confused naming from the start of things.

"Hey," Sam walked into the kitchen and pulled up a stool to sit at the counter, "So I talked to Bobby and Rufus,"

"And?" Dean raised an agitated eyebrow, a little rush of anger spiking his blood pressure as the thought passed. "You were out there for a while, what'd they say?"

"Well Bobby suggested they take a break, he's gonna take Rufus to get some more supplies for clean up and explain everything." Sam sighed and ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back behind his ears. "Rufus said he was sorry but he's pretty shaken up about the whole thing; Bobby told him that there were beings that didn't look totally human but I guess Rufus thought they'd all be dead."

"So it was like we figured," Dean pursed his lips and went back to frying up the burgers, "Rufus didn't believe Bobby but brought a gun just in case and freaked himself out because he saw Cas."

"Cas didn't react that well to seeing the gun but Rufus shouldn't have brought it at all. All said and done Bobby agreed that Cas and Desirae should stay separate from Rufus for now, so we should keep them out of the basement until it's all cleaned out." Sam looked over at Cas, a small smile on his lips, "You doing okay?"

Castiel nodded, "Yes, better."

Sam nodded and looked up at Dean, watching distantly as his brother put their lunch together. "So…" he trailed off, Dean hadn't had any long conversations with Sam recently so he kind of expected one to pop up.

"What's up, Sammy?" he smirked and glanced over his shoulder, "Gonna ask me for one of my famous burgers?"

"Funny, no actually I was wondering how you're doing with all of this."

Dean bit lightly at his bottom lip as he considered how to tackle that question. "I'm not sure, really." Honesty came to him first so that was his angle this time around, "I'm really happy that Cas is here and he's getting better. I'm really nervous about those nightmares and where they might be going. I'm sad so much shit happened before and there's nothing I can do about it, frustrated that I can't punch MacLeod in the face…" he sighed and turned his smile back toward Sam, "Though I gotta say, I'm pretty pumped for you and Jet."

Sam couldn't stop the grin that came to him and he averted his gaze, "Yeah, well I'm glad he talked to me too,"

"Just be careful though, you're barely legal."

"It's Jet, I'm sure I'll be fine."

"Right, well you guys have a kid now so I hope your relationship is stable." Dean jabbed playfully and earned himself a little nervous frown from his brother.

"Thanks for that."

"It's what I do." Dean turned to set the plates up and condiments on the counter, "How're _you_ doing? I'm not the only one going through crazy shit."

"It feels like we've been here for ages already and it's just been like a week." Sam laughed; his habit of tucking his hair behind his ears was getting a little out of hand. "I guess I feel a little similar to you… I'm worried about Cas, that break down was scary but if he says he's okay then maybe I'll let up. I feel really glad that Jet's opened up to me a little; maybe relieved I could figure out his intentions."

Dean glanced at Sam then back to the finished patties he scooped out of the pan, "Well you should've come to me about it to begin with, I coulda told you that Jet didn't do it to be a dick." He'd been thinking about it for a while and though he'd had a similar argument with Sam for a few years he couldn't help but express how he felt. "I know, I know, you've told me you want to deal with your problems yourself. But still, that doesn't mean you can't ask me for advice once in a while."

Sam was quiet for a few moments; it didn't come across as angry, just thoughtful, "Yeah, you're right. I guess I was just being stubborn." He admitted quietly, a soft laugh following. "Part of me didn't want to tell you, like admitting I couldn't handle it was a big deal."

"Pretty dumb,"

"I know; sometimes I'm dumb too, Dean."

Dean smirked, "Hey, what's with this 'too' stuff? I'm not dumb."

Sam's grin rivaled Dean's in a way only a Winchester could, "You walked into a cage with an unknown being inside that could have torn your head off. Tell me again how you're not dumb?"

He raised his hands in defeat, "Alright, alright, you got me. I'm dumb sometimes, I guess you can be too."

"So what's for dinner?" Sam glanced at the oven, "Just burgers and fries?"

"You say that like it isn't enough," Dean scoffed, "There's lettuce in the fridge if you want that instead."

"Thanks,"

There was a small rumble under their feet then that shook the kitchen just enough to make some noise. Sam furrowed his brow and looked toward the basement's entrance as if he could possibly see it through the several walls in his way.

"The hell was that?" Dean shut off the oven and element before he hurried out, Sam and the other two were right on his heels. "Cas, stay here with Desirae," Dean ordered when he heard the extra footsteps.

Cas frowned and looked at him, "But-"

"Please? Just in case, I don't want anything to happen to her while Jet's gone."

Castiel huffed defiantly but he still listened, waiting at the top of the stairs in the hall. "I'll come down…. If it gets worse…" he tried to call after Dean, though far from smooth it still got the point across.

Dean skipped some steps as he went and dropped onto the final landing before opening the door to the main lab, his heart was in his throat as he feared what he'd see but he threw it open anyway. "Charlie!?" He yelled just as another thunderous sound shook the underground, it was more of a loud rumble than it was like an earthquake but it still made Dean nervous. "Charlie you okay?"

Charlie was standing at the main control panel, eyes fixed on the screens panned out in front of her. "I'm fine," she said solemnly though still pretty quiet, "I'm… sorry guys."

"Sorry? For what?" Sam asked before looking up at what she was seeing.

Every screen was lit up in a strange wave and at first Dean thought maybe there was something wrong with it. It didn't take him long to realize that the screens just showed what was going on in the cages; fire was being blasted into each enclosure. Section by section they were all going up in flames, incinerated completely. Dean stared at the charred places where living things had been, there was almost nothing left of them now.

"What did you do?" He asked, unsure of what tone to even take.

"I couldn't…" Charlie's voice shook and she clenched her fists, an almost painful sounding breath broke up her words and she took a moment to calm down. "I couldn't just let them suffer like that, after the things I've read and seen so far I couldn't…"

Dean's gaze softened and he looked up silently at the screens again, watching as a new set of cages went up in a bright light and the roar trembled across the floor of the whole place. It was happening beneath them at that moment, creatures put out of their misery and remains taken care of cleanly.

"Cas went through hell, those files describe it so scientifically, like it was just a procedure. Cas can never be the same again, he can be close but he'll never be the same." Charlie continued, angry tears filled her eyes and a vicious edge to her voice only served to contrast how much she cared about Castiel. "I couldn't save him, it's hard enough knowing he has to live with this nightmare without thinking about all the animals that suffered too."

"Charlie," Dean said gently, "I get it, you don't need to explain it to me."

Sam was quiet again, staring at the light show on the monitor wall as it went on. "What if there were more like Cas and Desirae?" he asked quietly.

"Do you think we'd find them in time?" Dean responded before Charlie had to, "Desirae was given a bunch of food because they kept forgetting about her but I doubt that was the case for most of the other things."

"They don't have to live with it now," Charlie uttered almost under her breath but Dean caught it all the same. He wanted to ask her what she thought about all of it, what she thought of Cas and Desirae 'living with it.' But he knew better, Cas had good hearing and he guessed that Desirae did too, he didn't want to chance Charlie having a bad reaction while they were in earshot.

"Guess we can tell Rufus just to bring a broom," Dean said in a way he meant to be light-hearted, not to undervalue the hundreds of euthanized creatures but to just bring up the room a little. He had a feeling it might've been in bad taste but sometimes it just kinda came out. He heard Sam's sigh and knew he hit the nail on the head with that one.

"You think when we die we'll be able to ask for a favour?" Charlie asked after a few more moments of dead air.

"Depends on what you ask for I guess," Dean shrugged and looked at her, "What'd you have in mind?"

"I'd ask for just one day in hell torturing the bastard that did this to him."

Sam nodded silently and Dean couldn't help but smile about her rage, "I like you, Charlie." He admitted and pat her on the shoulder, "You fit in pretty well around here."

She sighed, the amount of tension in her body slowly relaxing as she looked up at the Winchester brothers, "Thanks, I kinda like you guys too."

"C'mon upstairs," Sam offered with a smile, "Dean's just finishing burning dinner."

"It's not burning," Dean muttered defensively.

"Right, the building's collapsing but he turned off the heat; priorities."

"I can't win with you, can I?"

"I'm your little brother, of course not."


	39. Chapter 39

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are having a good day, and to those affected by the recent celebrity deaths my heart goes out to you. Take care guys :)

Dean understood what Charlie had done; it was more to her than just animal starvation. She wouldn't say it out loud but he could tell she questioned Castiel's mind, she questioned his humanity and the existence of things like him and Desirae. Those two started off as humans, the rest as far as they knew were just animals. Euthanizing animals was one thing but there was always the question of what if there were more creatures like Cas, more like Rae. Charlie couldn't possibly know, Dean didn't know and he was certain that their two unfortunate experiments wouldn't have a clue either. No one knew but a man who had died in the previous week or so.

Charlie's heart was in the right place, she never meant to be selfish or cruel but Dean couldn't help but consider that she had been. The torture that those creatures would've gone through, in her eyes, would make living too difficult. Sparing them would leave them to a longer life of suffering, they'd be left with their nightmares and memories of what happened. Some wouldn't even know, some were just mindless. But, in the case of something like Rae, if it were spared it'd have to live with a twisted life. Dean knew Charlie wanted to save them from that, from a crueller fate than what they'd already endured, but he didn't think it was really her call to make.

The animals that they came across, things that had no thought process and were just suffering in a cage, he could justify killing. Burning them instantly made sense, but Dean would have preferred to go to each cage and decide that on his own. He never asked to know that those beings existed at all, he didn't want to know that people like Cas had been tormented for years but it was something he knew anyway. That knowledge had been placed in front of him and he couldn't change it; even if Charlie wanted to save them from more agony and rejection from the world Dean wasn't entirely sure he agreed with it.

But then again he didn't disagree either. It was a difficult call and he didn't think that it was his choice to make, but Charlie was smart. He didn't take her for a foolish person; she had probably thought all of that through. She'd taken into account the choices and consequences of each decision, one thing was for sure, she could never leave the ones starving to their slow and painful death. He was sure she knew that it wasn't for her to decide what creature in that lab could live and what would have to die, it wasn't anyone's choice really. No one in that building had the right to do what she'd done, maybe that was why she did it without consulting anyone else.

Dean could speculate all night but he didn't want to. Their morality could be questioned until the end of time, but as far as he wanted to believe they'd done all they could to be in the right.

Over the evening Dean had called Bobby and explained the situation with the bodies, they still wanted help clearing up whatever might be left but it was a considerably easier job. Bobby had been skeptical about it too, his thoughts on the euthanasia were kept silent but Dean could almost hear them in his dad's tone.

They sat watching shows in the living room, Castiel and Desirae were pretty mesmerized by the screen and kept mostly busy. Cas was at Dean's side as always, every now and then asking a question about what was happening or why someone might've done what they had. Dean was proud of him for trying at all; Cas' curiosity wasn't just because he didn't understand but because he wanted to.

Charlie was in charge of their viewing that night and she'd chosen an old anime called Yu Yu Hakusho; Dean didn't recognize it as much as Sam did but apparently they'd watched it together a long time back.

"Why is kissing… a nightmare?" Cas asked after one main character freaked out about a dream where he kissed another main character.

"Well…" Dean scratched the back of his head, unsure of what to say.

"I thought… that…" Cas paused and took a slow breath, focusing on his words, "I thought he liked… his friend? He was… so sad before." Dean could tell that it difficult for Castiel to speak so much in one day but he felt so excited to hear it that he didn't mind waiting for each moment Cas had to stop and start again.

"Some people are uncomfortable with two people of the same gender kissing," Charlie explained for Dean, "And some people freak out when they even imagine doing it themselves."

Cas stared at her intently and glanced over at Desirae who looked between him and Charlie before muttering something no one else understood. Dean watched the exchange and the look on Cas' face as he listened to Rae's explanation.

"We don't get it," Desirae proclaimed as she looked back at Charlie with a firm nod.

"I kinda do," Cas said meekly, "It's… familiar."

Charlie sighed lightly and nodded, "Yeah, you used to stand up to people like that, remember?"

Cas' eyes narrowed as he lost himself in thought, trying to remember old things about himself. It made Dean question how much of Cas was present and how much was still missing. Sometimes he seemed to know exactly what he used to be like and other times it slipped away from him. Dean figured that patience would be required for that too.

His mind went right back to the look on Cas' face, the best kiss he'd ever had and what Cas said after. _I love you_. Dean wanted to say it back, to tell Cas how much he mattered and how much Dean cared for him, but he couldn't do that. Cas asked him to wait, Cas didn't believe Dean knew him yet, not well enough. Dean couldn't deny it either, Charlie knew more than he did and even Cas seemed hazy. It wasn't fair to say it, not yet. But that didn't stop Dean from thinking it, maybe he could tell Castiel in his dreams?

"Didn't you… help me?" Cas looked up at Charlie, his brow was creased but there was a look in his eye that Dean recognized. He'd seen it in Cas' face before, it was the only time he'd seen Castiel Novak in his dream.

"I did," Charlie smiled, "You helped me first, though."

Cas tilted his head and Desirae said something to him right away, Dean figured it was probably a repetition of what Charlie had just said. "I understood," Cas told her gently with a smile and Rae turned her head away, a little grumpy she had misunderstood his confusion. Cas curved his wing over her and pulled her closer to nuzzle her cheek. "Thank you, Rae." He said as she giggled and nuzzled him back.

"You're welcome," she pushed him away playfully and hopped back across the couch, perching on the armrest proudly.

"Hey," Jet called as he walked into the room, a smirk on his face as usual, "I'm back and I-" he was cut off when Desirae leapt off the couch and tackled him. The amount of strength she had in such a tiny body was more than enough to surprise Jet, she knocked him right off his feet and they both hurdled to the ground.

"You're late!" She told him as she crawled up to his face, completely unfazed by the change in altitude.

Jet groaned and placed a hand on her head, "Sorry kiddo, I didn't realize."

"I forgive you," Desirae stated and looked over at the bags he'd dropped, "What'd you get?"

"Stuff," he smirked and sat upright, curling an arm around her waist he stood up again and adjusted his grip on her, "Were you good?"

"She was awesome," Dean gave a thumb's up, "Ate everything I made and didn't complain once."

"It was burned," Sam explained with a stifled laugh and Dean glared at him for it.

"Better than nothing," Jet grinned and gathered up the bags again, Desirae had a good enough grip that he barely needed to hang onto her when tipping her sideways. "So, since you were so awesome, here," he handed her one of the bags.

She didn't hesitate to dig into it and pulled out different bits of fabric, "What's this? Is it clothes?"

"Yep," Jet tossed a bag to Dean, unfortunately Dean wasn't looking at that moment and it hit his head first.

"Dude," he grumbled and grabbed the bag off the floor, "gimme a head's up next time." Looking inside he found new pairs of pants and some interesting shirt options. Open-back shirts were commonly meant for women but Jet managed to find some that looked at least somewhat unisex. Not that Dean minded whatever Cas wore, but he was sure that it'd be appreciated later on when Cas remembered more of himself.

"Good?" Jet asked Dean as he put Rae down to check out her own little gifts.

"Yeah, we'll see." Dean handed them to Cas to look at, "Thanks man."

Castiel pulled out the pants and sniffed them, "This is mine?" he asked as he lifted them up and inspected them in the light. "I prefer Dee's."

Dean snorted out a laugh, "Well sometimes I need to wear my own pants, so you'll need something."

"You have more than one pants." Cas told him indignantly, Dean loved the little pouty look he'd gotten.

"I do, but we thought you might want to have stuff of your own, you know? Something that's just for you, something you own."

Castiel stopped to consider that, his expression was thoughtful and his mouth pulled tighter as he stared at his new items. "I don't need… to own things." He said quietly, "But thank you, Dee."

"You're welcome," Dean smiled and took out the shirts, "And check it out, you can wear a shirt now, there's no back so your wings won't get stuck."

That seemed to have Cas' interest, he cooed a little bit out of habit and attempted to put them on. Of course he didn't quite get it right so Dean moved to help before he had to be asked to do it. He liked the design of them, Jet was no slouch when it came to figuring out fashion and it was pretty clear by how long he'd been away that he spent a good amount of time on it. These weren't just random shirts that might look good, Jet put effort into it.

Cas fluttered his wings and hopped away from the couch to see if he could really enjoy wearing a shirt at all. His wings flexed and stretched out, moving at the base to see if any movement might impede him, from his expression Dean guessed that Cas was satisfied.

"How's it feel, Cas?" He asked with a smile and Castiel turned one right back at him.

"I like it!" he exclaimed excitedly and ran his hands over the fabric, curving over his hips and around on his stomach. Dean couldn't help but stare, he tried not to but Cas enjoying feeling himself just sent Dean's mind right to the gutter.

"Looks good," Sam commented, "Great job as always, Jet."

"Thanks," Jet scoffed softly, as if he never questioned it, and looked at Desirae who was inspecting her items carefully. "So? Did I get anything your style?"

Dean noticed she had quite the selection to choose from; there were pretty things, dull things, different types of styles and looks. Dean wasn't surprised but it made him laugh a little. "I dunno man, you sure you got enough stuff to pick from?"

"Shut it,"

"I like this one," She finally said and lifted up a plain, silky dress. It didn't have frills or fancy trim, just simple shoulder straps and about knee length.

"Good pick," Jet knelt down on the floor with her, "Anything you hate?"

Dean smirked and looked over at Sam while Jet figured out Desirae's wardrobe with her, "You've got a keeper."

Sam rolled his eyes but he was still smiling, "Yeah, well you knew that when you decided to be his friend."

"I miss anything cool?" Jet asked, interrupting their conversation on purpose Dean was sure.

"Not much," Charlie was quick to respond, Dean wasn't sure she wanted Jet to know but it wasn't something he was planning on lying about. He understood why she'd be nervous, Jet had plucked Desirae from one of those cages, he might be a little more sensitive to the idea of burning everything down there alive.

"We cleared out the basement," he said simply and knew that Jet's confused expression was aimed his way.

"Cleared out…?"

"There was a 'clean all' mode," Sam tried to be sensitive to it too; Cas and Desirae were present and could be just as upset by the idea. None of them were sure if that would actually happen, but being careful was a better option with temperamental people.

"Oh," Jet raised his eyebrows and looked at each of them, "So, was it on purpose?"

"Yeah," Dean admitted solemnly, "We decided that it was best." He could feel the odd look Charlie was giving him, he knew she was confused as to why he'd say 'we' and not explain that she had been the one to do it on her own. He knew Jet, though. He knew the thought process his friend would take and he was certain that Jet would accept a decision made by either Dean or Sam in that regard. Charlie hadn't been with them as long, Jet wouldn't consider her judgement to be good enough just based on his trust levels with her. It was just a safer course to take when explaining something that big.

Jet was quiet for a bit, his expression didn't give much away as to what he was thinking but ultimately he nodded his head. "Starving to death is a horrible way to go; I guess it's a mercy."

"What do you mean?" Desirae asked curiously and Jet smiled at her.

"Nothing you need to understand right now, don't worry about it." He ruffled her hair and turned to Dean again, "I didn't know there was a 'clean all' that was so accessible,"

"That's one of the things I found," Charlie joined in hesitantly, "In some of the encrypted notes MacLeod kept there was a code for the, uh, clean up."

"Hm," Jet's gaze lingered on her for a second but it looked more thoughtful than judging, "Did it get the clones too?"

"That I don't know," she admitted and Dean shrugged too, "I think it got everything though, it looked like all the cages were cleaned out."

"Not the one Cas was in," Dean looked at her, "I didn't see his pop up."

"Maybe he didn't want to clean out Cas," Sam shrugged, "But I'm sure the clones would've been part of it, they weren't all friendly, I'm sure they'd have made a safety plan."

"Maybe," Jet agreed though he didn't sound too convinced, "But if the cages were all that got cleaned out it might not have gotten them, weren't they in a separate section?"

"Yeah," Dean nodded, "We'll have to check that out at some point."

"I'll come," Cas stated determinedly, his gaze on Dean was serious and Dean knew just by looking at it he'd never be able to tell Cas no.

"Right, of course." He sighed and pat Castiel's shoulder, "Though I'd like it if you didn't."

"I _will_ come with." Just as Dean figured, Cas didn't take that as a proper response. "I'm not asking, Dee."

"Okay," he conceded, "Sorry, I guess I just don't want you to go near stuff like that anymore."

Castiel's expression softened and he looked away, "I don't… understand everything you say. … But I want to go."

Dean reached over and turned Cas' face back his way, "But why?" he asked earnestly, "Those clones were part of your torture, they were used against you and on you and all kinds of shit I don't know." Dean's jaw clenched and his hands felt tense as he lowered them into his lap, "Why would you want to go near something like that?"

Castiel looked at him, a drawn out silence followed until he opened his mouth briefly, "I…" he stopped and took a deep breath. "You're worried… I'll be hurt?" Dean knew that Cas didn't quite understand everything he'd said but the basic message was still there, that was good enough.

"Yeah," Dean took Cas' hands in his and leaned closer, "I worry about you." He said carefully, slow enough that Cas could understand what he meant. "I care what happens to you, physically and mentally. I don't want you to do things that might scare you."

Cas listened and Dean repeated it again, just in case. He tried to keep his tone as far away from condescending as he could, even if Cas knew what he said the first time it was still more poignant to hear it twice.

"Thank you," Cas whispered, "Thank you, Dee."

He felt an emotional wave crashing into him but he held it together and did his best to smile normally. It still felt a little sad but he was sure he managed it well enough, "You're welcome, Cas. So will you stay away from those things?"

"No," Cas replied and Dean felt like maybe he was trying to convince a brick wall not to be made of brick. "I know I'll be… scared, Dee. I know, but I… …" he struggled, cleared his throat, Dean was patient. "I need to keep you safe."

"Cas," Dean whispered and Cas shook his head.

"You're right, I was… tor… torch…" he sighed and gave up on the word, "They hurt me. I know what they… can do, that's why."

"You were hurt so you want to come?" Dean repeated heatedly, "That doesn't make sense, Cas."

"Sure it does," Jet interrupted them, "He understands better than anyone what those things could do, that's why he wants to come. He knows that he's necessary to protect us if we go near them. I say he comes with,"

"I don't know," Sam added his two cents; he sounded like he was on Dean's train of thought with the situation. "Cas has come a long way but maybe seeing those clones could be a bad idea."

"Then we wait," Jet decided for them, "Cas is coming with, we can't stop him but we can change when he goes. Right now those things are locked in a room; if any of them are alive they can't get out until we let them so I say we wait."

"Fine," Dean relented and looked at Cas, "That sound good to you?"

"Yes," Cas' eyes lit up in a way Dean couldn't really deny him, there was so much joy and relief that Dean couldn't ever say no again.

Sam bit lightly at his lip and looked flatly at his boyfriend, "You know, your unyielding trust in Cas' ability might come back to bite us."

"Yeah well he's never done anything to change my mind." Jet smirked and looked at Cas who very proudly gave him a thumb's up, just like Dean had done.


	40. Chapter 40

Dean blinked a few times, his head felt foggy and his eyes were dry. He remembered trying to stay awake with Castiel, he'd known that Cas would try something like he had the night before and Dean wasn't going to have any of that this time. He intended to force Castiel to sleep if he had to, though he wasn't sure how he'd go about it.

He remembered waking up a few times, Cas had tried to slip away but Dean was sleeping so shallowly that every little bit of movement woke him. He remembered Cas grumbling at him, purposefully not speaking English.

Now he couldn't get his bearings straight. The room was dark, there was a little bit of light but it was dim and not enough to give him any idea of what time it might be. He couldn't feel Cas with him but as much as he wanted to sit up and look around he felt too heavy to do it. Dean groaned and tried to sit upright, his arms struggled to move and when they finally did he felt a sharp pain run down his back.

He screamed out but didn't hear his voice, it was Cas'. Dean's eyes widened, he was dreaming again.

The pain shot down his spine and felt like it was burning deep into his skin. He ground his teeth together and hissed in a breath, his entire body shook from the agony. Something wasn't right, his back felt like it was torn in half, he'd made the mistake of moving once and it was enough to wake his brain to the presence of pain.

Dean tried to move his arms again, they were still heavy and didn't budge, but something behind him did. He knew what it was; he knew it was Cas' wings. Something he noticed immediately about his mental state was that Castiel's mind wasn't active like it been in the beginning. It was hazy, his thoughts were garbled and he almost seemed mindless if it weren't for his emotions. Confusion was the first thing Dean understood, fear was the next.

Castiel didn't think in words or functioning thoughts, it was all feeling but it made enough sense to Cas that he didn't seem to be less effective as a living being. Cas cried out again as he tried to move about one more time. Dean felt paralyzed by the pain, his chest was tight and his breathing came in sharp, frozen gasps. He trembled and tried to get his mind in working order, everything was washing away and he couldn't do anything.

He was scared, stuck in a dark hole in the ground with a split open back that hurt too much to think about. He couldn't focus, he didn't know if that was because of Castiel's own haziness or if that was because he had fallen too far in. It frightened him, his brain wasn't working right. He wanted to tell himself it was just a dream, he'd wake up, but the words weren't sitting right. They became odd sounds that he couldn't understand; his own thoughts came in gibberish.

Dean tried to speak but it sounded more like a whimpering dog than a word. He strained to sit up again; he had no control over himself. The appendages in his back moved and he screamed, somehow he'd managed to use the wrong limbs.

What was left of his functioning mind started to dissolve; the dream swallowed up his conscious thought and melded him with Castiel.

He was terrified.

It felt like he'd been there forever, the ground was familiar, the hole was his.

He was in pain.

A sound of rushing air and a beep caught his attention and his stomach twisted. He was hungry, how long had it been since he'd eaten?

He was hungry.

He found the strength to crawl, each movement was agony and he could feel his skin rubbing against an unfamiliar surface. Every little bit of ground that he gained a horrible noise left his vocal chords, just breathing was complete misery.

The lights suddenly turned on and he flinched, everything flashed white for a few seconds and he blinked uncomfortably in its glow. As his eyes adjusted and he crawled out of his hole he saw an old man outside the glass, his stomach turned and his back ached.

He felt sick.

He couldn't think.

He threw up, it was all fluids and almost clear.

He dragged himself over it without thinking.

Finally, after what felt like ages, he reached the place where his food had risen from the floor. It was instinct; he knew exactly where it was. There was large bowl of an odd mixture but he recognized it as food so he ate it.

It didn't have a taste, not that he cared to notice.

His back hurt, tears fell from his eyes and into his bowl, he ate those too.

"Dean?"

His mind snapped back and he felt like hurling again. Dean felt disconnected from what he was seeing, like the world had just shaken free of him.

"Dean, are you okay?"

"What's happening?" he asked shakily, he was choked up and his voice was breaking.

"It's a nightmare, Dean. You aren't in pain, I am."

Dean took an unusually harsh breath, he was sure that it was his pain. "I'm so confused."

"It's okay; I'm trying to wake you up."

"Cas?"

"Yes?"

"That's really you?"

"Yes," Castiel's voice was so surreal but comforting, Dean tried to hang onto it with all his might.

"I had so many things I wanted to talk to you about, I can't remember, I'm so confused-"

"It's okay," Cas said softly, "I know the feeling, just take a deep breath and try to calm down."

Dean could see his hands, or Cas' hands, digging into the food, tears clouded his vision. "This is awful," he whispered hoarsely, "Do you remember all of this?"

"It's tough to explain, but sort of? I have a vague understanding of it, by that I mean the conscious me."

"Yeah, I kinda figured." Dean was starting to feel a little better, "Are the others…"

"They're experiencing this too, I'm sure. I'm not that good of a multi-tasker these days."

Dean knew he should be worried about that but he couldn't quite connect himself to that thought. "I know I don't know you that well, Cas." He swallowed nervously; he could feel Cas there now. It was like they shared the same space, he couldn't look at Castiel but he knew that he was there. "I know you don't want me to say anything, but you should know that I care about you too. I can't know you yet, that's not fair, but the parts of you that I've gotten to know… they're amazing. You're amazing, I want to stay with you, I need to help you and… I want to love you properly."

He felt a wave of warmth, an overwhelming feeling he couldn't quite explain but it made his chest flutter.

"Thank you," Cas whispered, "I needed to hear that."

Dean smiled, he wanted to say more but he felt a sudden pain in his cheek. Confused and stunned he stayed still but it happened again and his body felt like it was shaking. Dean struggled against an invisible person and tried to move from their grip but it just wouldn't break.

" _DEE!"_ The cry was sharp and felt like a knife in his ear.

Dean tried to fight again at first but his mind was coming around, he knew what it was. He knew what that pain in his face was and the only one who ever called him 'Dee' in earnest. He remembered seeing Cas shake Jet and slap him in the face more than once, had he fallen in too deep? He couldn't wake up?

Panic rushed through him as he heard another shout from Cas and his body shook.

Then his eyes flashed open without him ever closing them. He stared up at a shining, blinding light, his breathing was ragged and he felt a cold sweat.

"Dee!" Cas cried and dropped onto him, nuzzling him hard and digging his fingers in a little too much.

"Cas," he gasped for air and dropped his arms over Cas' shoulders, staring up at the ceiling of his room with slowly fading disorientation. The light from Cas' eyes was slowly dimming too, but he could still see it despite closed lids. "Sorry," he whispered tiredly and brushed his hand through Castiel's hair, "Didn't mean to scare you."

"It's my fault," Cas mumbled against him, "I'm sorry."

"You can't help it," Dean took a deep breath to level himself. He was getting his bearings straight again, he could figure out where he was and he could think in normal words. That was the first real glimpse into what Castiel's mind had become and it made him feel horrible. Cas was getting better but Dean couldn't blame Cas for anything that happened, not a single thing. Cas made the decision to connect their minds when he couldn't even think straight, how could that ever be his fault?

Cas sniffled a little and sat up, looking at Dean with his natural eyes again, "Are you okay?"

"I am," Dean smiled reassuringly and leaned forward to kiss Cas' forehead. "It's okay, Cas."

Castiel's smile was so warm and genuine that Dean couldn't help but feel better. Cas leaned in and kissed him on the lips again, letting Dean fall into it and lose reality for a little while. It was warm and welcoming; Cas was softer than Dean thought he'd be.

When Dean came back around and they lifted away from one another he decided to look for clues as to what time it was. The sun was up but not by much, he figured something around 7 or so.

Cas chittered softly and snuggled up to his chest. Dean smiled and rested his head against Cas', "What'd you say?" he asked and felt Cas bristle a little bit.

"Uh," Cas frowned and looked at Dean seriously, "I'm not sure how… to trans…late it."

Dean nodded, "Well, right back atcha."

Cas giggled and kissed him again, it was a quick little peck but it still made Dean's day.

"We should check on the others, I'm worried about Sam." He said after a few more moments of comfort and Cas' warmth.

"Good idea," Cas agreed as he pulled himself up, his wings flapping gently to help him, "I'm worried too. Chet doesn't… handle it well."

"No, he doesn't," Dean hopped out of bed too and the pair headed into the hall. Dean's first stop was Sam's room; he opened the door just to peek in. No movement. Jet wasn't there this time, "Sammy," Dean whispered and snuck into the room. Sam was lying on his side, from behind he looked fine but Dean caught a glimpse of the twisted expression. "Sam," he said louder and shook his brother's shoulder.

Sam was much easier than he had been, apparently, because that was enough to startle the younger Winchester and bring him around. "Wha- Dean?" He blinked blearily but Dean could see the complete confusion behind a sleepy look.

"Hey, you okay?" Dean smiled knowingly and Sam stared at him as reality came back around.

"I…" Sam put his hand to his forehead and stared blankly for a few seconds, "I don't… what happened? Was that another nightmare?"

"Probably," Dean knelt down beside the bed and touched Sam's hand, a way to ground him in reality. Dean used to do that when they were little, Sam used to have nightmares about planes crashing after their parents had died. Dean always held his hand or touched it, just a little, just enough to give him a sense of reality. "You okay?"

"I dreamt… I was Cas again, I couldn't do anything."

"Were the wings a new addition?"

"Yeah," Sam's brow furrowed and he tried to shake it off, "It hurt."

"I had the same one," Dean gave Sam's hand a light squeeze, "Cas woke me up, I was in pretty deep."

Sam was still in a nervous sweat but he started to get up, "I'll go check on Jet, you see Charlie."

Dean held Sam's hand a little tighter, "Whoa, whoa, take a second to calm down."

"I'm calm," Sam argued but Dean didn't fall for it.

"Just sit down, okay? I was really shaken up; Cas talked to me in my dream and disconnected it before I even woke. I can't imagine what's going on in your head so just sit and get your head straight."

Sam recognized the big brother tone and listened for once. He sat down and dropped his face into his hands; Dean could see him shaking a little bit. Before he could say anything, though, Cas hopped onto the bed next to Sam and wrapped his wings around.

"It's okay, Sam." Cas spoke so gently, "You aren't hurt… it was just… me."

Sam looked at Cas as he just smiled, a soft, tender glow in his eyes. Tears slipped from Sam's eyes as he held Cas' gaze, there was no sound from him, not a sob or a sniffle. He leaned over and hugged Castiel; he had nothing to say to that.

They were there together for a few minutes, Dean sat at the bedside while Sam refused to let go of Cas. It wasn't an audible refusal, Dean could just tell.

The door was still open; none of them noticed anyone in the entrance until Jet cleared his throat. Dean blinked in surprise and turned his head up to see his friend, Jet didn't look as fresh as a daisy per se but he didn't look as bad as Dean had seem him previously. "You managed to wake up,"

"Not without help," Jet pointed up at the sleepy girl on his shoulders resting against his head. Desirae looked a little more rough than Jet did, Dean could imagine she hadn't enjoyed seeing him like that either. "I'm glad you were up already," Jet told Dean specifically as he walked in and sat down with him on the floor. His gaze shifted to Sam, Dean caught the little look and knew Jet was relieved but also worried. Sam wasn't stuck in the dream like they had been but he wasn't taking the torture all that well either. "I was worried about Sam."

"We were worried about you," Sam finally spoke and lifted his head away from Cas' shoulder.

"Well I got my ass kicked pretty hard," Jet glanced up at Desirae who had a tired feeling about her. She looked up at Cas with big eyes, there was a mixture of emotion there, she looked like she had a ton of things on her mind but ultimately she didn't say anything. Instead her gaze just lingered on Cas who turned his gaze away.

"Sorry," he mumbled and Desirae climbed off of Jet, a disgruntled noise escaping her as she struggled to clamber onto the bed. With a little push from Jet she managed to get up and turn Cas' head back her way.

"You can't control dreams, stupid." Her voice was a little shaky but not mean spirited. She said something else to him that Dean couldn't understand but it had Castiel sitting quietly and listening. He replied to her softly and she nodded before moving in to hug him.

She muttered something against Cas and he could only smile. Dean thought he'd heard it, something like 'you're too nice, don't be sad' but he couldn't be sure. It was interesting for Dean to see, he wondered if she'd had nightmares too, if she felt something different because of the clone in her. He'd ask her those things but he felt that maybe it wasn't the right time to do it. Whatever had happened he was just glad that Cas could get along with her.

Cas put his arms around Rae protectively and looked seriously at Dean, "I like her, we're keeping her."

"Fight me," Jet smirked and Cas lightly tapped him with his wing.

"Well," Sam pondered aloud, a more light-hearted tone to his voice, "Considering the whole being part clone thing, she's kinda like your sister already, so…"

Desirae looked up, "I am?!" She sounded delighted at the mere thought of it. Even Cas looked happy with the idea. "Cas you're my big brother now." She told him almost as if it were a demand; it didn't seem to bother him though.

"Yes." He said in agreement though that simple thought seemed to spark something in him. Dean saw a look slowly encroach on his face as Desirae celebrated the new family bond, it was like a memory returning and though Cas smiled for her sake Dean could see something else there. He knew what it was about, he didn't have to ask. Cas remembered Michael, remembered he had a big brother of his own and hadn't seen him in years.

Dean didn't want to bring it up, at least not around the others. Cas didn't say anything either, Dean made a mental note to talk about it later on.

A yawn from the door caught their attention; Charlie stood there with an impressively sized mug of what Dean had to assume was coffee. "You're all up early," she said with a smile, nothing about her demeanour suggested she'd just had a horrific nightmare.

"You didn't sleep," Jet stated before Dean could even think about how to mention it.

Charlie looked surprised for a brief moment but shook her head, "What makes you say that?"

"You'd have a certain look on your face if you did," Jet was vague with it though Dean and Sam would know regardless. Charlie on the other hand seemed a bit confused until her eyes widened a few seconds later.

"You guys had a nightmare again?"

"Yeah, you would have too if you'd been sleeping."

Dean gestured to Jet to back off, just a little wave that they both understood. Jet nodded and leaned back, giving Sam his attention while Dean looked up at Charlie, "Are you okay?" He was worried about her to say the least; but his efforts to check on her were avoided, she didn't want to give him much information.

"I'm alright, I've been getting little bouts of insomnia since Cas left, I'm used to it."

Dean didn't really believe her but he didn't know her well enough to say for sure that she was lying. "Alright," he tried to be open with her, Cas had been close to Charlie and Dean didn't want that friendship to end. Cas would need her for a while the more he came around and Dean wanted to be there too, he couldn't help but want to keep Charlie close. "Let me know if I can help, okay?"

She nodded; he could tell she knew what he was getting at. He didn't believe her but he wouldn't push and that was enough for her to get by.


	41. Chapter 41

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cas POV! A special one :D

"Holy- this is _bullshit!"_ Cas shouted in the middle of the hallway and caught more than his fair share of attention. Of course, he didn't give a shit - he was a little preoccupied.

"Tell me about it," Charlie sighed in the most sarcastically sympathetic way he'd ever heard in his life.

"That test was pretty unfair, did you guys get bad grades too?" Their friend Garth asked as he approached them, a slightly wrinkled paper in his hands.

"What? Oh, that… nah, I failed that," Cas looked up from his phone for a second then went right back to it.

"Then what…?" Garth raised an eyebrow and leaned a little closer to see that Cas was doing that made his face screw up the way it had. "Angry Birds? You serious?"

"He says he'll beat my record," Charlie smirked and Cas snarled at her in return.

"I _will_ , I'm a god at this game."

"So is Charlie." Garth laughed and shoved his stuff into his bag, "Anyway, Miss Milton was looking for you Cas, she said to go see her when you got a sec."

Cas looked up at the mention of the name, "Really? Probably about the next assembly performance." The school's choir was set to perform in the intermission of the information dump, he of course had one of the lead roles so it didn't seem odd at all that their music instructor would be looking for him. He stuffed his phone into his pocket without looking at it again and pointed toward Charlie, "I'll show you a higher score next time."

"Whatever you say," She grinned and waved him off, "Can't perform while someone's watching?"

"Hush up!" He laughed as he ran off down the hall, briefly hearing a 'no running' call from another teacher but he didn't bother to acknowledge it. Cas slipped into the music room and trotted up the short set of stairs to the main area, "Hey," he called to the red haired woman packing up her things across the room, "You wanted to see me?"

Anna looked up with a smile, she was one of the more youthful teachers, and after the many semesters of choir and band classes Cas had come to know her well. He was something of a favourite though he didn't like to think of it that way. Sure, he liked his singing ability and felt he was pretty decent but she seemed to think he had a future in it. Humility on his part slowed his response whenever that topic came up; he'd seen enough American Idol to know he wasn't prepared for that kind of thing just yet.

"Castiel, there you are," she hopped up from her desk and strolled over to meet him in the middle, "We've got some new additions to the assembly next week and they asked me if one of our students would be interested in a solo?"

Cas' eyes lit up, "Did you say yes?"

"Depends, would you like to-"

"Of course!" He smiled and threw his hands up dramatically, "Like you even had to ask,"

"True, I already said yes for you so it's good you agree." Anna grinned and handed over the one set of papers she'd brought with her, "This is it, think you can handle it?"

Cas scanned it quickly, one of those PG, easy to swallow songs for something as mundane as a school gathering. He nodded and looked up from the piece with a smirk, "Oh yeah, it's in the bag Miss Milton."

"Good, stop by for practice during lunch or after school tomorrow, just to make sure we're on the same page with the tone." She gave him a knowing look as she turned to go back to her desk, "Not that you'll need much help, I'm sure."

"Right," Cas shrugged off the self-conscious thoughts; he knew he was good enough for an assembly, that wasn't even a question. He tapped his fingers on the coarse paper a few times, "So is that all?"

"I don't think so," Anna sat down and looked thoughtfully into the distance, "I mean, unless you had filled out the application I gave you-"

"I haven't," He cut her off again, his nerves suddenly feeling like they were on fire, "I've been busy." His nose always felt itchy when he lied, but he couldn't tell her he wasn't sure about the choice. Cas had a talent for singing, he acknowledged that much, but he wasn't sure he could spend his time and his future in chasing that idea. He'd be graduating in a few months and somehow he'd have to have his entire life planned out. Picking a career, a school, a lifestyle. It was too much for him to think about, he just wanted things to be simple.

Not that school was ever simple; he looked forward to escaping high school entirely. It was like a prison sometimes, he was told what to wear, where to be at what time, what he could and couldn't say, and so on. It felt suffocating, he just wanted to be him, whatever that might mean.

"Well you still have time, think it over." Anna's expression was kind, like she knew what he was thinking and didn't want to pressure him too much. Cas appreciated it, though he wished he could make a choice without a crap-load of anxiety to go with it.

With a wave he left the room and headed back to his locker, the day was over; most people had gone home, it was time for him to do the same. Charlie and Garth had waited up for him, both smiling as they talked. He was envious of both of them, Charlie was incredibly smart with computers and as the world was shaping it became increasingly obvious her skills would be useful almost anywhere. Garth was optimistic all the time, maybe his job future wouldn't pay as much but he was almost guaranteed to be content in whatever he got.

Cas could be upbeat, he usually was, but that was only because he preferred to be that way than show all of his insecurities. He didn't know what he wanted out of life, so many things were decided for him so far that he couldn't imagine having free reign over any of his decisions. As a child his parents were the ultimate decision makers, Michael directed him in the right direction, and of course there was school. But after that? Hell if he knew.

The world was his oyster, he could be anything, do anything, so people said anyway. He knew that wasn't true, there wasn't enough time to do everything and to be able to do things in the future he'd need a solid foundation. What the hell did he want his foundation to be? Could he be a singer? Would he be a starving artist trying to make it as an individual or maybe he'd be lost in the crowd of a large group?

"Cas?" Charlie looked up at him; her voice shook his thoughts back to reality. "You okay? You look a little freaked out."

He smiled and shook his head, "Nah I'm good, just thinking too much."

"Sounds like a common problem these days," Garth nodded in a sagely way though Cas thought it looked a little silly on someone so young, only old people could do that.

"We've got a few months before graduation," Charlie pat Cas' shoulder firmly, "Take it easy, we've got time."

"I guess so," he said with a deep sigh and dropped his arm over her shoulders playfully, "The world just feels so heavy, you know?"

"I can feel it," she grabbed his wrist and put her other arm around his middle to try and lift him up, "The world is weighing mostly on you it seems."

"I thought that too," Cas draped himself on her like the deadweight he was, nearly dragging them both to the floor. However Garth got in between them and helped hold Cas' weight.

"Not too bad with a little help, eh?"

All three laughed and continued to get ready to go home. Cas knew a lot of people at school, some of them were amazing, some were fair weather, but he could always count on Charlie and Garth to be there for him. Charlie was his best friend and Garth was a super nice dude that tended to be there for everyone.

They walked together out of the building, fresh air felt like a drug to him and he took it in like the hipster sap he was.

"You gonna apply to a musical college or something?" Charlie asked and Cas shrugged.

"No idea, what're you gonna do?"

"Same answer. Garth?"

He didn't skip a beat; "Figure I might take time off from school, maybe travel or something."

"Sounds like you've got it all figured out," Cas smiled and looked ahead, "You make it seem so trivial."

"Well it is, you've always got room to change your mind." Garth turned his sunny disposition Cas' direction and it almost felt blinding. "The average person changes careers more than once in a lifetime, so you're bound to find something else to do. Just pick what you like for now and run with it."

Charlie shook her head, "Sometimes it's not that easy, money is a pretty big barricade for stuff like that."

"Yeah," Garth paused and looked down, "You've got a good point."

"So do you," Cas nudged his scrawny friend, a growing smile on his face as he walked. He liked that answer; he could change his mind, his life wouldn't be written in stone with this single choice. "I mean, aiming within your budget is what you'd probably do anyway when it comes to life decisions, right? We're low to middle class people here, none of us are gonna be sitting in a fancy chair in charge of a huge company."

"I guess not," Charlie shrugged, she still sounded pretty down, "But it'd be nice to be able to do _anything_ , you know?"

"Life is what you make of it," Garth pointed out rather generically but Cas could get behind the philosophy; he wanted nothing more than to keep his head up and look forward at what was happening and not spend all of his time worrying about what might.

"Whatever comes up, I'll help you," Cas smiled and touched her arm, "That's what friends are for, right?"

"You can't help everything, Cas." Charlie raised an eyebrow at him though she couldn't help but smile, herself, "But thanks, I appreciate it."

"You gotta help me too, though." He wiggled his eyebrows cheekily, something that always made her laugh.

"Never, you're on your own!" She dramatically raised her voice, an over-actor in their conversation about life.

Cas placed the back of his wrist to his forehead and looked away, "So cruel!"

"You're both dorks," Garth snorted and hurried ahead of them, "Gotta go! Mom's making lasagna tonight,"

"G'night man," Cas waved him off and turned to Charlie, "Wanna come over? Michael says we can order pizza tonight."

She shrugged; he could tell her energy was pretty low already. "I dunno, I'm gonna go visit mom today so… we'll see."

"Gotcha," Cas never could figure out what to say about Charlie's situation, her mom in a coma and her dad working non-stop to pay the bills. They were making it but it wasn't exactly a glamorous home life. He knew that Charlie had diagnosed depression and anxiety disorders; he knew she was on medication and that her dad was a bit of a dick about it. She worked part-time to cover the costs on her own, more or less. He tried to chip in but she didn't particularly like handouts.

"Did you want company? I can come with."

"No, I want to see her on my own if that's okay." She offered a reassuring smile; it was anything but. Cas didn't call her on it though; instead he returned the smile and let her go her own way. He stood on the sidewalk on his own for a while, his mind was racing and blank all at the same time. Like white noise.

Regardless of his overactive head, he managed to make it home just fine. Michael was sitting at the kitchen table, his head down and muttering to himself.

"Hey Mike, what's up?" Cas walked in and dropped down in a chair next to his brother.

Michael looked up, a tired expression and a deep sigh were the best responses Cas got for a few seconds. "I hate my job." Michael finally said and rubbed his face in exhaustion.

"Shitty customers?"

"Shitty everything, the manager doesn't know what the hell he's doing, the cashiers don't give a shit and god save that kitchen because it's going down in flames." He raised clenched fists and dropped them onto the table, even his outbursts were tired.

"It'll get better," Cas pat him on the back and got up, "We're ordering pizza tonight, right?"

Michael sighed and looked up at Cas with a half smile, "I remember, and yes we are, I am not cooking."

"You're a waiter, not a cook, you can't be tired of the kitchen." Cas prodded but Michael shooed him away.

"Watch me."

* * *

 

Castiel spent some time in his room that night; he looked over the different possibilities for musical colleges and university programs available to him. Applying to a few was probably his best option; it wasn't like he was committing forever to any one of them. He could travel to other states if he needed though he wasn't sure he wanted to just yet.

He couldn't stop thinking about Charlie, like he should be with her or something. Not that he'd be a whole lot of help with much, but she shouldn't be alone, right? He looked up at the window, his mind going over the idea of just going to her house as he stood up.

Moments later Cas found himself heading down the hall toward the front door, "I gotta go see Charlie," he called to Michael who was in the living room watching TV.

Michael looked up, he was on the phone with someone but by the conversation Cas was sure it wasn't the pizza place. He waved Cas off, enough permission for the teen to run out the door.

It was late; he knew Charlie would be home already. The least he could do was keep her company, or so he told himself. It wasn't much but it was something he was capable of, Charlie wasn't the type to ask for help very often, especially not in regards to her family life.

Cas stood on the front step of Charlie's home, it was very small, one story and just enough space for two people. He was breathing heavily and considered what might happen if he knocked, her dad would tell him to go home if he was there. It was late, of course he would. Charlie might even tell him to leave if he just asked to come in.

Instead of doing things like a normal person he snuck around to the side of the house he knew Charlie's room was on. Her window was slightly open to let air flow in, like always. The curtains were closed but he could tell the light was on. Cas smiled and pushed on the window to open it the rest of the way, "Hey Charlie," he whisper-yelled and heard a container drop.

"Cas?" Charlie's voice was a little shaky, she approached the window and opened the curtains to see him hopping up to drop in.

"Hey," he smiled and tumbled inside, not entirely graceful but nothing broke so in his books he was good. "What's up?"

"What're you doing here?" she was a little irritated but not enough for him to be bothered by it. He just smiled at her, a gentle expression that seemed to soften hers too.

"Well," he glanced at the floor, the container that had fallen was one of her medications but it wasn't the only one there. Cas paid pretty close attention to what he'd seen Charlie take; one of those he was sure wasn't hers.

"I was just organizing them for the rest of the week," she said nonchalantly, if he were anyone else he probably would've believed her.

Cas nodded, "I guess you could forget if you didn't huh?"

"Yeah,"

He knew better. He knew what she was going to do, judging by the look on her face she hadn't yet. He thanked his anxious feeling for pushing him out the door so fast.

"So I was talking to Michael," Cas got up, keeping it to himself as he walked over to her bed and dropped himself onto it like he always did, "He said it was okay with him if you wanted to stay with us."

Charlie was quiet for a bit so he kept talking.

"I don't want you staying here by yourself, or with someone who neglects you which is just as shitty." He looked up at her casually, "I feel like shit every time I let you come back here, you're my best friend."

She smiled a little and sat down on the edge of the bed, "My dad's not so bad, he's just stressed out. I couldn't leave him like that."

"I don't know if you know this, but you don't have to take care of him, that's not your job."

"Then what is my job?" She asked without looking at him.

"To take care of Charlie."

"You're cheesy,"

"I'm also right." Cas sat up and moved to sit next to her, "I get you want to help, or make things easier or whatever, but you gotta live a little."

She smirked, it was sarcastic but she looked at him earnestly enough, "Okay, what would you have in mind?"

First thing that came to mind is what came out of his mouth. "We hang upside down on your bed and play Mario Kart."

Charlie's expression was neutral as she processed his suggestion with such a serious look on his face. Her sarcastic smirk had fallen flat while she stared at him but it quickly pulled into a smile. She couldn't help it, a laugh escaped her and she got up to turn on the console.

"You're gonna get your butt kicked like always."

"Maybe I'm better than you when I'm upside down," he said as he rolled over and dropped his head to look at her TV set. It'd be a challenge but he was up for it, pretty sure she was right and he'd lose horribly.

With all said and done they didn't sleep until it was incredibly late, Cas lost most of the matches but he didn't mind.


	42. Chapter 42

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing these last two chapters made me sad :(

Charlie sat at her computer typing up some replies to online friends, she'd been neglecting them for a little while though she hadn't really meant to. Graduation had come and gone and her schedule opened up again, she supposed it was a good enough time to get back to them as any. No more excuses, other than applying for more governments grants, loans, and to different universities.

For now though it was summer break, she could try to enjoy it for what it was though she couldn't help but wonder about what to do when September hit again. High school was over; she wouldn't see her friends every day unless she went out to see them herself. They wouldn't be doing the same things, going to the same classes and so on. It stressed her out but she knew she had Cas. He was as unhappy about not seeing people every week as she was, maybe more so.

Though the two of them could agree that it was nice high school had ended. No more prison bars disguised as a classroom, it wasn't mandatory and they didn't have to do it anymore if they didn't want to. Charlie wasn't sure she wanted to do post secondary at all; she could get a job easily with her skills, maybe saving money would be a smarter choice? Regardless, she could probably do it if she didn't get any financial aid. Garth kept true to his word several months back and went backpacking, and Cas was going through with a musical program.

Speaking of Cas, she was supposed to be seeing him that evening. It'd been a few days since the after party; apparently his hangover was nasty enough to keep him home for quite a while afterward. They'd talked on the phone; he gushed about some cute boy he saw and she had to listen to all the details about freckles and firm butts. In turn she got to talk about how gorgeous the girls were at grad.

Cas talked about working over the summer for MacLeod, which was where he was at that day. Charlie figured the old dude was a bit weird but he paid Cas really well, she couldn't argue with that. She would've preferred hanging out with him like always, playing games and watching stupid movies, but those were more selfish thoughts than anything else. They had to get jobs, real ones. The world wasn't going to let them coast by.

She glanced at the clock; it was nearly 5pm, still enough time to watch some YouTube videos before having to head out.

They said they'd meet after 6 that evening in the park near both their places. It was a small playground for parents to take their little kids, just a neighbourhood thing that she and Cas loved going to after dark.

Charlie found herself sitting there, under a tree with her phone in hand. She played little games and checked her social media updates like normal. She could get lost in it so easily, living online was a bit of a comfort for her. Nothing seemed weird.

At least not until she checked the time, it felt like it'd been a while and she was getting anxious. It was after 7 already, Cas was nowhere in sight, he hadn't even sent her a text. She frowned and sent him a message first.

_Dude where are you? I've been in the park over an hour._

She waited, watching her phone with some irritation. After about five minutes she got fed up and called. It rang a few times then clicked off as if he'd hung up. "What the hell?" She was confused as much as she was pissed about the avoiding behaviour. She sent another text;

_What's up with you? Call me back when you get this._

Charlie went home after that.

She woke up to a phone call two or three days later; groggy, she answered it. "Hello?" Her voice sounded like hell.

" _Charlie? It's Michael, have you seen Cas?"_

"Cas? No, he blew me off the other day and never replied to me after that." She yawned and rolled over, her mind not quite catching up with the whole 'being awake' thing.

" _I haven't seen or heard from him in a few days, I was hoping you had…"_ Michael was worried, he kept his tone relatively level but she knew him well enough to be able to tell. _"If he contacts you could you call me?"_

"Yeah," she wasn't sure what to say, Cas hadn't talked to Michael? That wasn't like him… though not talking to her was odd too. "Likewise, okay?"

" _Right,"_

"Hey," she said before he could hang up, "I'll go check his usual spots, maybe I'll find him. He might just be hanging out with a cute guy or something, lost track of time."

" _Maybe. Thank you Charlie."_

"Talk to you soon," she hung up and stared at the ceiling for a few moments to let her brain sort out what just happened. Cas didn't just disappear, he hated it when people did that to him and always said where he was going.

If someone had asked her then how worried she was she would've said 'not very.' It was odd but not terrifying, Cas could be rebellious if he wanted to be, it wasn't entirely out of character to do shit. So she told herself, anyway.

If someone asked her a few days after that how worried she was it would've been a different story. She had found no sign of Castiel whatsoever. He had vanished; the last person to have seen him was MacLeod who claimed Cas had gone home after work.

His phone was gone; there was no way to trace it. She checked all his accounts online; none of them had activity after the same day, not a single one. She hacked into his accounts to see if maybe he had posted things with higher privacy settings or sent messages to someone.

Still nothing.

She sat with Michael one of the following days, she felt sick and he wouldn't say much of anything. "He's going to come back," she whispered.

"I've asked everyone I know of," Michael said softly, "If someone sees him we'll know."

"Yeah," she had to have hope, she didn't want to think for a second that Cas would've left. Castiel wouldn't leave them, not like that, not without a trace. "Maybe it was an impromptu trip and he lost his phone or something." She couldn't forget that the phone had been turned off that day she tried calling. It burned inside her head; Cas had turned it off when she called. Or someone else had. That was the last time any call got a dial tone and not just an answering machine.

Michael clutched his phone tightly, his thumb slowly tapping numbers until a soft ringing was heard. He put it on speaker and listened until

_-click-_

" _Hey it's Cas! Sorry I missed you, leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as I can."_

_-beep-_

Michael ended the call and tapped the redial button.

Charlie sat quietly as she listened to the same voicemail answer on repeat, each time felt like another hammer on a nail, slowly sealing a lid on a coffin. Michael didn't budge as he did it over and over again; his expression was unchanging other than the small quiver of his lip.

Charlie stood in her room two weeks after Castiel had disappeared. The police had long taken over the search but nothing came up. A small investigation into MacLeod was her biggest hope but they'd found nothing, just a very old man with a lot of money and no real need for a poor kid like Castiel Novak.

She sat down on her bed, the same bed she'd sat on with Cas over the many years they'd known each other. She dropped backward onto the mattress like she'd seen Cas do every time he'd come over, maybe she could get into his mind somehow. Repeating his actions, staring where he had, maybe she could get some kind of answer as to what he was thinking.

She remembered him sitting there as she tried to hide her attempt at ending her own life, he didn't know to go to her house that night but he had anyway. He showed up with that sweet smile and good intentions like the amazing friend that he was. She wondered what she'd done to deserve knowing him.

"Where are you?" she whispered out loud to the room many times. She said it after the first month had passed and she'd watched Michael break down crying that day.

She said it again after the second month when that afternoon the police told them that their leads had gone cold but they weren't going to stop looking.

She wondered why he'd left, if he left at all or if he'd been stolen somehow. She wanted to think he was okay but her stomach wouldn't sit still whenever she tried to settle on that idea.

His words always stuck with her, a stupid joking expression accompanying the line "You gotta help me too, though." At the time she had told him never, just for a laugh. She hadn't meant it. She wouldn't have ever meant that. It scared her to think that Cas might think she had been serious. What if Cas thought she wouldn't come to help him?

Charlie spent more time looking than she wanted to admit. Every time she went to see Michael she had a new piece of information she was sure would lead her somewhere. He was happy she was looking but as time went on and she repeatedly brought Castiel up, tore at that wound, Michael grew more tired.

He tried to tell her to slow down, the police would handle it. She couldn't possibly take that, not for her sanity's sake. Her mom was still in a coma, they told her that she couldn't do anything but wait and it was true. She couldn't find clues and leads or anything to just wake her mother up, but Cas was a different story.

Charlie taught herself tricks out of necessity, she learned to scam and scrounge up money in less than legal ways. It didn't cross her mind that maybe she should stop, that maybe obsession with the whole thing was becoming unhealthy. She had to find Cas, she couldn't think of doing anything else.

She didn't like to think of how much time had passed. Her search took her out of town, out of state. Part of her felt like she was grasping at straws, straining herself to see facts where it was just coincidence. In fact she kind of knew it was true, every single lead she found was farfetched but it had just enough truth for her to go after it. She couldn't stop herself; she didn't care to. Something had to lead to Cas.

Each of her leads ended the same way, back to the same town where Cas had vanished from to begin with. She always stopped in to say hi to Michael though filling him in on any information was always a risk. He didn't like to hear about it anymore, not after the first two years had passed them by. Charlie felt foolish for continuing her search sometimes but she just couldn't stop. She was determined to at least find Castiel's body.

Just that thought made her stomach turn. She didn't want to think of it that way.

She'd gotten calls from her father every now and then, her mom was alive but not awake and he was still working. Charlie wasn't sure why but it felt like her family was just standing still while time lapsed. She did the same thing, hunted for Cas and tried to find some hint as to where he'd gone. Her father worked to support her mother who never did anything different. Time almost felt inconsequential.

Michael was always helpful; he offered her a place to stay with him, probably trying to get her to let go of what they'd lost. She appreciated his big heart but it felt wrong, staying with Cas' brother without Cas there wasn't right. She wouldn't come to stay unless she had Castiel in tow.

That didn't happen. Charlie found herself at a loss, four years Castiel was gone and she was empty handed. There were no more clues, no leads, all trails were cold; she was stuck. Life was starting to close in on her; she'd spent four years searching for a friend who hadn't been seen, not even once. He was like a ghost, the idea that she'd have lived less of her life knowing Castiel than not knowing was starting to scare her. They'd been friends for quite some time but four years was nothing to discount.

Charlie didn't know what to do. Regrouping back at home would be a decent plan for now, though it wasn't her first choice. If she could she'd just walk up to the place Cas was in and that would be that, of course it was impossible. Maybe staying where Cas used to live would spark something, maybe she'd hear something or find something new if she stayed still for long enough? She didn't know but it was all she had left to hope on.

Cas was slipping away from her hands too fast; even her memory of him was fading. His face must have changed so much from the pictures she still had, memories on social media were all that he'd left behind.

Charlie was on the verge of breaking; she could feel the edge creeping up ahead of her and knew that soon she'd topple over it and that'd be the end of it. She'd disappear like Cas had, that was all she could do. Hope was thin, chances were sparse and Castiel was a distant star.

Walking into Biggerson's she knew she'd find Michael there; if she'd stay in town longer she'd need a more legitimate source of money. At least something where she might be able to say 'I made enough to live on in tips' when explaining how she got the money she had stolen.

Charlie found that holding onto an upbeat attitude was all that had gotten her through the years while she searched. Deep in her mind she knew how tired she was, how ragged she'd become, but she couldn't fail. Castiel had always been such a ray of sunshine in her life and if she wanted a chance to find him she'd have to do everything she could to keep her head above water.

With a smile on her face she walked into the big chain restaurant, there were three people waiting to be seated and they were talking amongst themselves. She would've ignored them and waited for Michael but something burned in her ears, a simple tail end of a sentence nearly brought tears to her eyes.

" _We'll tell him when we think Cas is ready."_

She hurried from the door; her heart was in her throat as she attempted to keep it calm. _"Did you say Cas?"_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the scene then continued in chapter 22


	43. Chapter 43

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like it's been too long since I thanked you all for reading. I've noticed some new folks in the reviews and follows/favourites so I'd like to say hello to you also! Thanks everyone for supporting this story and myself, I really appreciate all the little bits that you do and say. I hope everyone's doing well and for those that don't know I occasionally update my progress on my zafiction tumblr blog. So if I'm ever taking a while to update you can check out what's going on over there :)
> 
> Without further ado let me give you a gentle filler-type chapter

A few days had gone by, each night there were nightmares for everyone who slept at the same time as him and Cas felt awful for it. He sat by the window of Dean's room and looked out with some exhaustion, he was trying to focus on stopping the dreams but all he managed to do was make them vaguer if anything. It didn't seem to help all that much, though he noticed that Jet woke up a lot easier that way.

His mind was a whirlpool those days, he'd known Dean for as long as he could remember but that wasn't all that long. Cas wanted to remember more, he wanted to see something more of himself but something was wrong. He couldn't connect it. His speech had gotten immensely better but he couldn't connect the pieces worth a crap.

Dean didn't mind, of course. Dean was just glad that Cas was putting together full sentences and growing his vocabulary in general. But that wasn't enough, not for Cas. He could see it in Charlie's face that he was so far from what he should be. She stayed up so late all the time; in fact she didn't sleep at the same time as him ever. She missed every nightmare and if he had a choice he wanted to keep it that way. She napped during the day – Jet wouldn't accept anything less it seemed.

It was interesting to see, at least for Cas. Dean had noticed Charlie's bad habit of not sleeping but he didn't get involved too much, she said she had it under control and he respected that. Sam was worried too but he followed Dean's lead, maybe asking an extra time or two. Jet on the other hand was straightforward. He'd stood in her way one morning and demanded she get at least three hours, just three and he'd let her go. Charlie tried her protest against him, saying she got a few winks and she'd be fine but he didn't buy it, not for even a second.

Cas was thankful for that, he was glad they cared about her in different ways. Dean was respectful of her space, Sam worried about her mental state, and Jet didn't take any of her attempted lies. He wished he could do something more to help. Every time he looked at her he felt something tug in his brain but it never did anything more than that.

He felt like his progress had stalled, like he wasn't going anywhere anymore, at least not toward his old self.

Charlie disappeared into the basement a lot, she was down there reading most of the time and he was sure looking for a way to help him. It broke his heart a little; he knew he should know her better, like she was someone important. She was fighting so hard to do something for him and what had he done? What was he to her that made it so hard for her to rest whenever she thought about him?

Cas didn't have that answer and Charlie wouldn't tell him. He supposed he'd have to live with that.

Since they'd cleaned out the laboratory cages no one had gone into the enclosure areas, Dean had accepted Cas' demand to go along and so far that would still hold true. His nerves were a little on edge when he thought about it, he knew what might still be down there. It was a little hazy for the most part but he could at least connect those dots for himself.

Cas knew he'd been drugged by MacLeod many times, that his inability to think or remember things was because of exactly that. He hated it, not knowing what order things had happened in or what he'd done. But he hated it more knowing about things second handedly, like knowing that Charlie was someone he should remember or that the name Michael meant something to him at one point or another.

They all wanted him to get better, to be what he was meant to be, but Cas wasn't sure he knew what that was anymore. Dean said over and over that he didn't care; he didn't care what Cas ended up being because he'd already fallen for him. Cas wasn't sure he believed it not, but it was a nice idea to live in. He wanted to believe that Dean could say something like that unconditionally but he knew that it wasn't in Dean's control. Things could happen and change their outlooks. What if he became something that Dean couldn't stand? Cas wasn't sure what that might be but he was afraid of that outcome.

The day was just fading in; Cas had slipped away from Dean and moved to watch the sunrise in another room that had no one in it. He wanted to be alone for a little while to gather himself a bit, he wasn't sure if it'd help at all but he felt at ease watching the sun coming up. He hadn't seen sunlight for four years, the open sky made him calmer and he was unbelievably astounded by starlight. Whenever left long enough to watch the sky above him he'd lose himself entirely, it was just amazing to him.

He wasn't the only one; Desirae did the same thing though she tried to pretend it wasn't a big deal. He'd seen her though, looking up at a window with a distracted expression. She was so small, he knew there were parts of her that were him and it was such an odd thought to have. She couldn't possibly have experienced some of the things she inexplicably knew about, yet there she was with a vocabulary stronger than his. Cas was getting better, some of it was coming back and piece-by-piece he put parts of his mind in the right places. Part of him considered being jealous of her, she could speak to the others so easily without a hiccup and had a strong grasp on the things that she did know. He knew it was because she was made up of him, she purer pieces of 'Castiel Novak' in her than he did and he felt a little anxious about it.

However he decided that she was a friend to him and not a rival, he had no reason to be jealous. She didn't rub it in his face; she never tried to be better than him at anything. In fact she always tried to help him, like she was trying to give it all back to him. Part of his growth in speaking was thanks to her help; she translated things for him and helped him with the words he kept messing up. Little by little he was getting his speech back.

On top of appreciating her help, he felt sorry for her too. There was a lot of him in her DNA mixture but she used to be someone else, a small child abducted. Any of her 'remembered' experiences were second hand; there was no way she could have her own at that age.

"Hey Cas?" Desirae popped up as if summoned, she was in an adorable nightgown and Cas didn't question for a second who got it for her.

"What's up, sweetie?" He smiled and gestured to the spot across from him so she could see the sunrise too. He'd long learned how to open the windows and silently questioned himself as to how he could have ever forgotten.

She lightly trotted across the room and pulled up a second chair to sit with him; her face was neutral if anything else though Cas saw a look in her eyes that said otherwise. "Do you… wish you were normal?"

He tilted his head a bit at first as he pondered her question, "Well, to be honest I don't think I've ever been 'normal.'"

"You know what I mean,"

"Hm," Cas wasn't sure how to answer that. What kind of normal was getting her so down? "I'd like to be able to think and speak like I used to, if that's what you mean?" Parts of his words slipped and were still a little choppy, he was close to a smooth sentence but for now he'd have to deal with stumbling over a word every now and then. And though he'd answered her he felt like it was still very empty. He didn't know how he used to think; maybe what he'd like was to know himself again, or to never question exactly that.

"What about how you look?" She glanced up at him after a long pause, her eyes were as blue as his and somehow he knew those weren't her natural colour. "Do you think they'll ever let us go see places other than here?"

"Of course they will," Cas smiled at her reassuringly, "I spoke to Ch-Jet earlier and he was coming up with something to help us get out there without causing much trouble."

Rae sighed and looked out at the sky again, "I know, he told me that too. But I don't want to wait…"

Cas understood the feeling all too well, he missed something about the world outside but he didn't want to leave without Dean's knowing. He would rather go when it was the right time, whenever that might be. "Be patient," he told her gently with a light tap of his wing against her back, "They know what they're doing."

"Even with that crazy guy with the gun?"

"Uh," he scratched the back of his head like he'd seen Dean and the others do on occasion, habits picked up by watching, "Yeah… that wasn't a smart move but no one got hurt."

"You almost got shot and if he didn't shoot you then you would've torn his head off."

"But I didn't," Cas added optimistically which only had Rae rolling her eyes at him.

"You and Dean are both dummies, he said that too."

"Maybe," Cas laughed quietly and looked outside again, enjoying the colours that splashed across the sparse clouds, "I know it's hard to trust anyone, and it's tough to let go of being so afraid, but I think you can do it."

She didn't reply, just looked at him with an expression that said 'I'm not scared' for her. Cas knew better but he didn't call her on it.

"Why're you up, anyway?" He asked after another long pause, enjoying her company even if neither was speaking.

"I had to pee and realized that Jet wasn't having a nightmare this time," she kicked her legs back and forth; they were too short to touch the floor so she got a pretty good swing going. "Then I knew you had to be up so I sniffed you out."

"You got a strong nose too, huh?"

"Yeah,"

Cas smirked and reached over to tap the tip of her nose, getting her to look up from the floor, "Kinda sucks sometimes, doesn't it?"

She giggled, "Sometimes. Do you hear a lot of stuff too?"

"Yeah, I get a headache sometimes."

"Me too."

Both smiled and looked back out the window, it was nice to be quiet together. They could connect to the others' problems and maybe that's why they got along so quickly, Cas had been a bit anxious about her being a clone but it never triggered any instinctual attacks. Actually, with his mind in some kind of control he wondered if it would happen the same way as it had before. He didn't really want to find out.

"Jet said they're going to let Rufus back in to clean the basement," Desirae said after the sun broke away from the horizon, "I think in another day or so."

"Yeah, Dee mentioned it too. He wanted to talk to Rufus personally beforehand to make sure it was all going to go well and that he stays away from us."

She hummed in response, acknowledging what he was saying but not having much to say to it. She pursed her lips for a second and looked up at him again, "Why do you call him Dee? You can say his name, can't you?"

"Yes, but I…" he stopped and smiled thinking about it, the first time he saw that stranger in his enclosure. "I like calling him Dee, it fits."

"If you say so,"

"It's like Jet calling you Rae, it feels closer somehow." Cas didn't think anyone else would understand why he still did it. The name Dean was already very short and some might think that Cas using the same mixed up version would remind him of what happened, but he didn't feel it that way. He remembered that Dean's name was one of the first things he was able to say, the name of someone who saved him despite not having to do anything of the sort. Cas was fond of the nickname, even if it didn't make a whole lot of sense to anyone else.

He looked her over once, "Are you happy, Desirae?"

She seemed surprised by the question, looking at him curiously for a few seconds before shrugging. "I dunno… it's like my cage only got bigger but I'm not free yet."

Cas watched her as her ears tilted down to betray her attempt at showing nothing, her tail had kept very still and her eyes were angled down. He could plainly see she wasn't happy, not quite. "It's complicated, huh?"

"A little," she rubbed her feet together, a nervous tick. "I'm happy that you're here, I'm happy that Jet took me in. I get food whenever I'm hungry and it all tastes good. I can take baths and I can sleep in a bed. I'm not alone anymore either, but…"

"It's okay to want more, you know." Cas smiled and brushed her by again with his wing, letting it rest there as a comfort. "The things you're saying that make you happy are things that all people should be allowed to have. I mean, you know, other than me and Jet."

She curled her lips in and glanced up at him, "So… it's okay? I'm not being selfish?"

"Even if you were, so what? You and I went through hell, for now I think we're entitled to be a bit selfish."

Desirae looked back and forth between his left and right eye for a few seconds before she smiled again, "Yeah," she said simply and hopped off her chair to go and hug him.

Cas wrapped his arms around her too and let her stay as long as she wanted. "Feeling better?" He asked softly when enough time had passed and her muscles felt a little less tense.

"I'm happy," she replied, "I want more, but I'm happy too."

"Atta girl," he laughed and ruffled her hair.


	44. Chapter 44

Dean couldn't believe Cas' progress from when they'd first met to over a week or two later. He'd gotten out full sentences and could understand a conversation between two people without having to look over at Desirae for help. He didn't always keep up and add his input in time, but it was still incredible. Dean didn't have words for how strong Castiel was. If it had been him he was sure that giving up would've been an option more than once already, but Cas just kept going. Sure, his speaking was often very slow and jagged with odd pauses but it made sense. He was using bigger and bigger words each day; he remembered more phrases and terms on his own. Dean could see that Castiel was coming back.

Every night was a new nightmare though sometimes it was hard to tell. There were times where Cas was just left in his enclosure for hours and maybe even days, food came up now and again but that was it. Those dreams weren't particularly painful but they were disorienting, Cas' mind was so disconnected during that time that whenever they woke up from those it was tough to get their bearings straight. Dean wound up lying in bed and staring at the ceiling for at least an hour after the first one.

While those nightmares weren't as intense Dean still felt pretty shitty about it, he knew that Bobby was experiencing them too and Charlie would have if she slept at a normal time. Though that morning he'd woken up with no trouble, in fact he wasn't even sure there had been a nightmare to begin with. He concluded that Cas must not have had a very good night. That thought only felt truer when Dean realized that Cas wasn't in bed with him.

Dean threw his legs out of bed and got up, he'd gotten pretty used to his new room, and the floor didn't feel odd to him anymore. "Cas?" he called after a yawn, he wasn't too worried, Cas didn't cause much of a fuss lately so it was probably nothing big.

There wasn't an answer though that didn't mean something was wrong. Dean got up and walked out into the hall; he could hear some voices echoing distantly and followed them without much hesitation. The closer he got the more he recognized, Bobby was laughing at something and Jet was talking fairly loudly over him, and he was pretty sure he could hear Sam too.

"Am I the last one up?" He asked as he walked into the room. As he'd expected the three he heard were present, Desirae was there too but she wasn't loud enough to be heard over the others. He didn't see Cas or Charlie though, which made him feel a bit skittish. "Where're Cas and Charlie?"

"Yes you're the last one up," Bobby told him with a smirk, "And Charlie took Cas aside for a bit, she wanted to be alone with him."

Dean raised an eyebrow, "Oh? Guess I'll leave that alone then…" He didn't want to admit it but he missed seeing Cas already, he liked it when his days could start with just a glimpse of that pretty face.

"You look like a kicked dog," Jet mocked him playfully, "Sit down and chill, Cas didn't fall off the face of the earth."

"That's not what I was doing," he pouted but dropped down on the couch anyway. Desirae waved at him and he waved back, "You have breakfast yet?" He asked her and she shook her head.

"We were fighting about what it'd be."

"We were not fighting," Jet argued back, completely dismantling his own protest.

"You guys should be ashamed," Dean laughed, "Leaving a kid with no breakfast, what kinda dads are you?"

Sam smirked though he tried to hide it, "Hungry ones."

"I keep tellin' 'em to make both breakfasts but apparently that's not an option," Bobby sighed in the way that Dean remembered from when he was a kid and Sam would argue about dumb stuff with him. It was a fond memory, really. They had silly fights that Bobby would be completely exasperated over, he'd try to solve it but neither Dean nor Sam would cooperate and give up their side.

"What breakfasts are we fighting over?" Dean looked at the boyfriends, "Lemme guess, Sam wants it healthy and Jet wants it sweet?"

"Nail on the head," Jet grinned and Sam frowned.

"She shouldn't have pancakes every day, we're trying to _take care of her_ , not spoil her!"

"I see both sides," Dean said quickly before Jet had a chance to retaliate again, "How about I make something?"

Seeing as how Dean was the best chef in the room none of them really wanted to argue that. "What're you gonna make?" Sam asked skeptically hesitant.

"Whatever it is you're all gonna eat it, no more fighting." Dean got up and walked off to the kitchen. On his way he noticed something slightly different, there was music playing down one of the halls. He looked over, telling himself that it was probably Cas and Charlie trying to hide a conversation but his interest was piqued. It sounded familiar and he couldn't help the burning curiosity that led his steps over to the room.

He very carefully turned the doorknob, thankful that Cas would be too distracted with the music playing to hear him. Peering inside he saw Charlie sitting with a little mp3 player dock and some speakers, Cas' back was to the door so most of what Dean saw regarding him was just wings and pretty feathers. Charlie paused the song before Dean got a chance to figure out what it was.

"Just try, okay?" She said with a hopeful smile, "I'm pretty sure you'll enjoy it."

Cas' wings fluffed a little, it was subtle but Dean noticed it. He was anxious, why Dean wasn't sure but he knew that Cas was uncomfortable in some way. "Alright," Cas said softly, "I'll sing for you, but I don't know if I can do what you need me to."

"I don't need you to do it any sort of way; I just wanted to be here when you try it again." Charlie was reassuring at least, "If you don't want to you don't have to."

"No, let me try." Cas' voice wasn't dismal or unhappy just uneasy, Dean figured he'd leave them to it without interruption. Not that he didn't want to hear, he just closed the door a little bit more to be less noticeable while he eavesdropped.

The tune started up again, Dean recognized it this time as the same one Cas had sung in that video before his graduation. Castiel took a slow breath as he anticipated when he'd come in and tried to sing. Dean didn't expect much, Cas was getting good at pronunciation and stringing the words together but he was nowhere near close to being able to sing again. It was fairly clear, too, when he started up. His usual pauses still came and he wasn't able to keep up with the lyrics. Dean smiled to himself though, because to Cas' credit he was still entirely in tune with the song.

Cas stopped after a little bit and Charlie turned the song off. Cas was quiet, Dean couldn't imagine what he was thinking but Charlie chimed in seconds later, "That was awesome, Cas!"

"Wha- really?" Castiel was more than surprised; Dean could just see the wide-eyed look in his head.

"Yes really!" Charlie clapped and by the sound of it jumped on Cas. "You're even better than I thought you'd be, that's incredible!" She was laughing and soon it spread to Castiel too. Dean got up and slipped away after that, he couldn't linger too long because Cas would undoubtedly notice him. His face hurt a little from how strongly he was smiling, it felt good, he was glad he could witness that moment between the two.

Dean walked into the kitchen and started getting his ingredients together, he'd have to make a combination of Sam's favourite things and the stuff that Jet liked too because otherwise he'd never hear the end of it. Bacon and eggs were staples; just those would satisfy Bobby and himself so they were an obvious choice. However the next question was how to make the eggs; both him and Bobby liked them sunny-side up (Dean would deny it if anyone said he was copying). For Sam he figured he'd make an omelette because he could toss a bunch of veggies in it without worrying.

A lot of thought went into his breakfast making, Dean wasn't deemed the best in the kitchen for nothing and he didn't intend to let anyone down. Cas still ate like a horse and Desirae wasn't too far off either, for her size anyway. Whatever he made them had to be big – they'd eat anything so it wasn't too big of a gamble. Just make extra of everything else that he made and that was good enough.

Food was underway in no time at all and Dean found himself enjoying this random day in his life. Just little things had happened, nothing major, but he felt like it was one of those moments he'd remember.

And then a flutter of wings pushed him around and he stumbled, "Hey! Cas I'm making food," he laughed and turned to see the smiling face of his angel.

"Good morning, Dee." Cas said and leaned in to kiss him. Dean cherished that more than he would care about the meal he was making. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah, you didn't?"

Cas shrugged, "I slept a little while, I might nap later."

"You better," he leaned in to steal another kiss and turned back to make sure he didn't burn anything, "I'm making food, any special requests?"

"Hmmm," Cas hopped up onto the only clean counter and sprawled across it, wings draped on either side as he looked up at the ceiling. "Can I have pizza?"

"No Cas," Dean was pretty sure Cas was just playing around, but he'd be lying if he said he was 100% sure.

"Okay, then whatever you make is fine." Castiel purred a little, the sound sent a small shiver down Dean's spine.

He looked over and smiled at how relaxed Cas was, just casually lying across a random surface with no worries as to what might happen next. That's all he could really ask for when he saw Cas and it made him happy to witness it over and over again. "You look like you're in a good mood," he said and went back to his task.

"Yeah," Cas hummed, "I am."

Dean knew why and he knew that Cas knew why, there was no need to ask. He couldn't begin to understand how happy it made him to know that Cas was content, he just loved the feeling. "So what did you wanna do today?"

"I was hoping I could…" Cas paused longer than normal, Dean's first hint it was deliberate. "Would you be okay if I flew a little today?"

Dean turned around again, confused more than anything, "You don't need to ask me, Cas. You can fly if you want to."

Cas blinked a few times and nodded, "I… guess so. You trust me to make judgement calls?"

"Some, yeah." Dean admitted truthfully, "I know you're not gonna go too far, I can trust you to fly around the property to have a little fun. Your wings are strong and you know how to use them, so you falling isn't that big of an issue."

"It still scares you though, doesn't it?" Cas sat upright, his tone was so understanding and so much closer to human than Dean remembered hearing the first times Cas spoke. He liked it but he didn't like it aimed at him.

"Flying always freaks me out, that shouldn't stop you from having fun." He shrugged uncomfortably and turned away to use cooking as an excuse not to make eye contact. It was almost done anyway; breakfast was a quick meal to put together if you knew what you were doing.

"I'm sorry," Cas whispered, "I don't understand why you hate it, but I know you do…"

Dean stopped. "Cas, you don't think my fear of flying means I hate that you do it?"

Cas was quiet for a few seconds, "You do hate when I fly, I remember how you reacted."

"That's not because of you," he turned to face Cas again and walked over to take his hands, "I'm afraid of flying because of something that happened a long time ago. I love that you have wings, that you can use them to do things no one else can do. You're good at flying and you love to do it, I remember how you reacted too. I can't even explain to you how much I enjoy seeing you happy, seeing you having a good time, laughing, smiling…"

"Then," Cas held tightly to his hands, "why do you…"

Dean exhaled as smoothly as he could though it wasn't much better than Cas' speaking patterns. "My parents died when I was young; they were on a plane flying to a vacation spot, I don't remember where. The plane went down, took all the passengers with it."

Cas nodded somberly and leaned over to kiss Dean's cheek, "I'm sorry," he said with a gentle nuzzle before moving away again, "I can't imagine what that was like."

"It's alright," Dean smiled and hugged Cas tightly; he hated talking about it even though it had been so long. Castiel held onto him too, Dean couldn't pull away when he thought it was over. Cas had picked up on the fact that he wasn't as 'alright' as he said he was. Dean let himself nestle against Castiel, enjoying the embrace for what it was.


	45. Chapter 45

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my absence guys, been having a shitty few days. 
> 
> To make up for it ch.46 will be a Cas POV :)

Dean sat and watched the others scarf down his breakfast concoction with more pride than he'd care to admit. "So," he smirked and dug into his own, "everyone happy?"

"Yeah, yeah," Jet kicked him under the table, "you did good."

Dean didn't skip a beat in kicking right back. "Sam control your boyfriend!" He cried dramatically when Jet kicked him again; a little war starting under the table.

Sam rolled his eyes, "Would you two behave yourselves?"

Cas looked between them, slight confusion on his face for a moment before he hopped up from his spot and circled around the table. He managed to go unnoticed by Jet enough that when he leaned over the other's shoulder and made a sharp cry Jet jumped out of his chair.

"Gah! Why!?"

Castiel smiled and Dean cheered. "Take that, jerk!"

Jet pushed his hand into his hair and stuck his tongue out at them, "Cheaters."

"You're just mad Cas scared you," Dean mocked and leaned back to look at Cas. "Thanks buddy."

"You're welcome," Cas kissed him sweetly and went back to his chair, leaving Dean with a light blush on his cheeks.

He rubbed the back of his neck and sat forward properly at the table. "Right… well anyway, after breakfast Cas and I are gonna go outside for a while."

"Can I come?" Desirae piped up with a mouth full of pancakes. Her cheeks were puffed up almost as big as her eyes.

"Of course," Cas perked up too. "You can fly with me!"

"Uh," Sam glanced at Dean anxiously then to Jet who wasn't much affected by the news. "You sure, Cas? I mean, she's really small and-"

"I carried Jet," Cas looked at him, not caring too much that he interrupted. "It's safe, don't worry."

Sam smiled, a little nervous but still confident enough to pass. "I guess," he conceded hesitantly. "But try not to freak Dean out this time."

"I already asked him," Cas stated proudly and smiled at Dean. It was such a pure look that Dean couldn't help but smile right back. He couldn't promise that he wouldn't be afraid of seeing Cas so high in the air but he already gave his blessings on the matter. Cas was decent at flight and Dean trusted him. It was scary but he'd have to come to terms with that part of his life now. He was falling in love with a man with wings who loved to fly. Dean knew there was no way to avoid it. He had to face it, and maybe watching Cas do it that morning would help?

"Dean?" Sam looked at him with understandable surprise. "You're okay with that?"

"Yeah, why not?" Dean grinned and silently cursed his terrible poker face. And, to his lack of surprise, Sam didn't show even an ounce of belief.

"Right," his brother was hesitant but didn't bring up his distrust in Dean's demeanor. "Well if you say so, I guess that's about all I need…"

"So I can go?" Desirae looked at Sam hopefully and it clearly caught the younger Winchester off guard. She'd been pretty close to Jet from the start and it seemed that her connection with Cas was growing. Sam wasn't sure what to do when a small child asked him for permission for something. Dean could almost see Sam's gears turning as he tried to process what that could possibly mean.

To Desirae it was clear that Sam was uncomfortable with her going flying so she'd ask if it was okay, but that meant if Sam said no she'd possibly listen to that too. Dean wasn't sure what Rae's relationship with Sam was like just yet. But he had a feeling she was very aware that her father-figure had a boyfriend, like a second father-figure.

Sam glanced at Jet who just smiled and shrugged, like a 'your call, man' message. "Well," he turned back to Desirae's wide, eager eyes, Dean could tell Sam wasn't at all sure what he should say but he had to make a decision all the same. "Alright," he barely managed to say the word before she cheered and jumped on him.

"Yes! Thank you!" She hugged him and leapt over to Cas' side before Sam could even react. "Let's go, let's go!"

Jet grabbed the back of her dress and hauled her back to her chair. "You finish eating first, short-stuff."

She grumbled but went back to her breakfast all the same. She'd already learned there was no fighting back when Jet demanded something.

As they finished their meal, Dean could feel the little bits of tension rising. Both Cas and Desirae were excited to go outside and wanted to leave as soon as possible. They still ate a lot but it went fast, Dean and the others kept a normal pace which only served to irritate their animalistic friends. It seemed akin to torture for Cas especially. He was itching to get out but didn't want to go without Dean.

A sharp gaze lingered on Dean as he finished up the last morsels on his plate, chatting casually with Bobby and drinking his coffee. It all took too much time and Cas' body just became more and more tense as the seconds ticked by. It was subtle but a low growl was rumbling in his throat. Little noises of displeasure and frustration became more frequent.

"You better get goin'," Bobby chuckled and Dean had to smile. He was well aware of his wingman's growing anxiety.

"Probably," he looked over at Cas. "You ready?"

"Yes! Let's go," Cas hopped up without another second to spare and hurried out of the room and toward the entrance; Desirae was right on his heels.

Dean took a deep breath and got up to follow them, "Here we go…"

"Why'd you say yes if you don't want him to?" Sam asked irritably. Dean knew he meant well but it was still annoying.

"I'm trying to help him, and I like seeing him happy." Dean hurried out before Sam could try to drag on the conversation. He didn't feel like explaining himself, he didn't really know the full reason he said it was okay. What he did know was that if he thought about it too long he'd feel sick. Instead Dean walked out to the yard where Cas and Desirae waited for him, though Rae was a little more excited to be rolling around in the grass.

She did it just like Cas had, enjoying the different feeling and reveling in the freedom. Castiel dropped down with her and rolled about too, apparently its novelty hadn't worn off yet.

Jet walked up to Dean's side and folded his arms, a smirk on his lips as he took in the sight too. "Sorry 'bout Sam, he's a bit touchy right now."

"Nah, he's just being Sam. But why do you say that?" Dean raised an eyebrow at his friend.

"Well first off, while you're afraid of flying in general, Sam hates seeing you like that."

"Well… I mean, I knew that," Dean scratched the back of his head and looked back to see that Cas and Rae were still preoccupied with the ground as a whole. He knew Sam wasn't afraid of flying; Sam didn't seem to have as strong a reaction to the loss of their parents that way.

Sometimes Dean wondered if Sam remembered them like he did. It didn't always appear that way, Sam was able to move on entirely or at least that's how it looked to Dean. What he did know about Sam's reactions was that every time Dean had a hard time and freaked out over flying, Sam became uneasy too. It was all for Dean though, Sam wouldn't care about flights if Dean weren't involved in some way.

"The second reason he might be snippy is he's kinda pissed at me."

"Already?"

Jet laughed a little, "Yeah, you sound surprised."

Dean tried not to laugh but it was kinda funny to him. "I mean he's always mad at you for one thing or another. What'd you do now?"

"Brought up sex, he wasn't ready for that apparently." Jet shrugged, Dean could tell it didn't really bother him that much.

"You didn't try with Des in the room, did you?" Dean almost regretted asking after seeing the look of disgust on Jet's face.

"Dude."

"Sorry, just that's the only way I could imagine Sam getting mad at you about sex." He was quick to defend himself and it seemed to do the trick. Jet's expression softened to something more understanding.

"Nah, he was saying we hadn't even had a proper date yet." He scratched his head thoughtfully. An earnest expression of confusion showed itself for a brief second. "I kinda get what he means, but we've known each other for years. Should be easy, shouldn't it?"

Dean snorted out a laugh, "Dude, Sam still wants to be romanced a little bit. Don't just jump into old married couple status."

"Good point."

"I thought you were good at this shit?" He prodded playfully and enjoyed seeing his friend's scrunched up face before a reply was shouted back at him.

"Not when it comes to Sam, okay!?" It was practically cartoonish and made Dean laugh all the more.

"Dee!" Cas called and interrupted them. "I'm going to fly now, okay?"

Dean blinked in some surprise but nodded his understanding all the same. He knew he'd never be ready but he kinda appreciated Cas' continual check for approval. It was a bit odd, mostly because he wasn't Cas' guardian and didn't think permission was his to 'give' to Castiel. Regardless though he made sure to treat those scenarios with respect, Cas was a person and he refused to be a piece of shit about it.

Cas picked Desirae up and took to the air without much effort at all. It was astounding to see the kind of strength those wings held, to be able to lift Cas' body weight off the ground so quickly could only be done with serious power.

"He's got amazing control," Jet commented as Dean's stomach slowly turned itself inside out. "When he took me for a ride he could take the craziest turns. Picks up quite a bit of speed too. One of these days we'll have to see how fast he can go."

"Yeah," Dean felt sweat already beading on his forehead as he watched Castiel's form. It was graceful but very high. Cas was being gentle with Desirae, his flight wasn't as erratic as it had been with Jet so Dean didn't feel quite as horrified as then. However his worries were about Jet at the time, now he was concerned about Cas more than anything else.

Cas had become so important to him, he could imagine all the worst scenarios in an instant. What if something in Cas' DNA suddenly changed and he couldn't think and crashed into something? What if Cas had a seizure and fell? What if he didn't pay attention to where he was going and made a mistake? What if his wings suddenly gave out? What if-

"Dean, man you look like hell." Jet grabbed his shoulder and broke his train of thought.

"I'm fine," he breathed and wiped his brow. "Just a little worried."

"A little, huh?" Jet looked up at the two in the air. "They're fine, try to chill alright?"

Dean didn't respond, he was tense and staring with an intensity he couldn't pinpoint the end of. Jet was quiet for a little, most likely thinking about what to say to him until he finally came up with something.

"So you remember my idea about how to get Cas into public, right?"

"The stupid backpack thing?" Dean looked at him skeptically, silently thankful for a distraction.

Jet's expression fell flat as did his tone for a second. "Yeah, the stupid backpack thing. Except now it'll use an actual harness like rock climbing. We'll hook it up to make it look like the wings are an attachment and not real, he just has to focus on not moving them."

"I don't know, that sounds like we'd do a lot of explaining." Dean touched his fingers to his chin as he thought it over. "Maybe we could just use a big jacket or something?"

"He'd look like the fuckin' Hunchback of Notre Dame." Jet raised an eyebrow, his lips in a slight pout. "I got one of those too though, just in case Cas hated the harness idea."

"You _know_ Cas doesn't like the harness idea."

"We don't know that for sure, this one's gonna be way more comfortable." He grumpily turned away from Dean. "Besides, his wings are too big to stuff comfortably under a coat anyway."

" _You_ don't know that for sure," Dean kinda enjoyed taking Jet's stupid arguments and using it against him right back. It always got the funniest expression of annoyance from his bro. "But I appreciate that you're trying, thanks man."

"I'm doing it for Cas," Jet replied defiantly with a light punch to Dean's arm. "But you're welcome."

"Any ideas for Desirae?"

Jet faltered and shrugged, "Not quite… I mean there are headbands for her ears as long as she doesn't move them. I could pretend the tail is part of a belt. But she's got fur all the way up to her knuckles, plus her hair turns into fur along her neck. I noticed that her legs are getting fuzzy in a few spots too, at least down to the knee on the outside."

"You'll think of something," Dean pat him on the shoulder.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also Jet cuz I can


	46. Chapter 46

Castiel loved being above ground. He loved being in the house with the others, feeling the carpet or linoleum under his feet. He loved being able to stay in bed with Dean, wrap himself in a blanket and pretend he hadn't had a moment where he didn't know how to use them. Cas loved being there with them, but he also loved it outside.

The sky was so big and the ground stretched forever. He enjoyed the feeling of the earth below him, the grass getting caught up in his feathers and the soil between his toes. Desirae was as ecstatic as he had been the first time, he didn't remember it as well as he'd like but the haze over his mind was lifted enough that he knew what she must be thinking.

Cas looked up from his spot in the grass, "You ready?" he asked her and Desirae caught his gaze.

"Flying?" She asked excitedly, her eyes were bright and eager. Cas smiled, his expression enough of an answer that she just started nodding enthusiastically.

Castiel hopped up to his feet and cupped his hands around his mouth, "Dee!" he shouted and watched Dean's head crank up to look at him, "I'm going to fly now, okay?" He didn't want to just take off despite already getting permission. He understood the basics of Dean's fear and if he could do as little to aggravate it as possible he might get a chance to fly more often.

Scooping Desirae into his arms he spread his wings, it felt good to stretch them as far as they'd go. He took a breath in slowly, letting the air around him soothe him and ready his mind. To him it felt like a long moment, taking in the scent of the outdoors and feeling the breeze on his face. To others it probably only lasted about a second. As soon as he exhaled it he burst forward and one powerful motion of his wings sent him up. Cas didn't second-guess himself, he hadn't had a lot of experience flying like this but it felt natural.

That was something he knew wasn't initially human about him, how normal it felt to be flying wasn't a human trait at all. But he didn't really care; after all he wasn't exactly human anymore anyway. That implication was something he'd have to sit down with, think over and figure out what it meant for him. But right then, flying high and feeling the wide spread freedom was all that mattered.

Rae had a tight grip on him, she was silent at first but as soon as she regained her breath she cheered. Her claws were dug into his arm, he didn't mind but it was a good indication that she was still a little freaked out. Her excitement was mixed with fear, all of it adrenaline and he knew exactly what it was like.

Cas felt the immense control he had over his wings, they were strong, far stronger than he thought they really should be. His body had been altered from human limits, and apparently whatever animal he'd been mixed with wasn't as pure as it once was either. He was an entirely new species; that thought made him smile.

A new species, a new creature. He didn't have to conform to one side or the other; he could set new parameters for himself. He was his own being and as far as he could tell that meant he had full reign to decide for himself what was inherently right or wrong. That didn't mean slotting himself into society would be easy, but maybe with that mindset he could be kinder to himself when he inevitably failed the first times.

"This is amazing!" Rae cried with a laugh, she was settling down, feeling safer and stable again. Her claws had unhooked from his skin and left just a firm grip of her hands. Cas knew he shouldn't go full speed with her, or at least he figured he shouldn't. Her body was small, he didn't know what her strengths were or if she could handle that kind of pressure like he could. She wasn't built like him.

"I love it up here," Cas told her as he slowed to a glide, a more gentle kind of flow for both of them to just stare at the world below them. "It's beautiful, I didn't understand how much I missed seeing all of this."

"I don't remember it, I don't remember anything before being in my cage." she responded casually, to Cas it sounded like a sad statement that should've had more feeling but to her it was normal. She didn't know what she was missing; she didn't know she should feel more upset about losing that kind of normalcy. Castiel had old memories, tidbits of his original life seeping into him and affecting his emotions. He felt bad that he couldn't remember Charlie; he remembered aching for the outdoors, and he knew that he should've had more in his life than what he got.

He thought that Desirae's memories would coincide with his, that she'd feel the same but maybe she was too young to understand what she knew. Maybe his emotions didn't translate for her, it might've just been within him to be human and not his clones. That was part of the problem in the first place, wasn't it? That's why MacLeod needed Desirae in the first place; a clone wasn't good enough to function like a human.

"I'm sorry it took so long to get to you,"

She looked up at him, he wasn't sure if she could see it in his face but it broke his heart more than he thought it would.

"It's okay," she said and smiled, it was genuine and he wasn't really sure he understood how it could be. "I had enough food so I wasn't worried. Just bored, but I…" She blinked and showed a little more stress behind an upbeat exterior, a look Cas could recognize. "But I'm glad I'm out, I wanna be free too."

"Yeah," Cas smiled in return and nuzzled her cheek, "Same here."

They drifted around, curving and circling back to make sure they stayed around the property. Cas could see the road so clearly; it led further to a highway one way and in the other direction it went back to town. His chest panged and he felt a weight inside, he knew that town though he couldn't get any details. There were things he knew that Charlie had said, things that came up in a blurry dream, but he couldn't put focus on his own thoughts around it.

"Hey Cas," Desirae's tone was questioning, "can we land over there?"

He looked to where she was pointing, it wasn't quite on the property but it was pretty close. There were trees all around and an opening where a pond was sitting; from where he was Cas could see there was some kind of bird floating around on it. He felt excitement rush up in him too, he hadn't seen an animal in person from what he could remember and he really wanted to catch one.

"Yes, let's." He agreed with her and angled himself to take a swirling dive toward it. He loved the feeling, that rush of air past his face and the odd vertigo that swarmed his senses. Cas wasn't afraid though; he knew how to control his landing.

Above the pond now they were diving straight down, Desirae held tightly onto him and he held to her, she didn't scratch him and he knew it meant she trusted him. Cas didn't disappoint her, he didn't wait until the last moment to open his wings and circling them around and down more gracefully. Their feet touched ground and they both looked up at the pond, there were surprised and startled ducks swimming about, some had flown off though.

"Wow," Rae breathed and dropped onto her butt, staring at different life with wide eyes.

Cas' were just as bright, amazement filling him to the brim. He curled in his wings to seem smaller and very slowly stepped to the edge of the water. The few ducks that were left started to settle down and drifted along the surface, mostly ignoring him. One, however, paddled over to the edge he stood at. It honked at him and he mimicked the noise, more of a reflex than honestly trying to communicate.

"That was a pretty good duck call!" A strange voice shouted from the trees, Cas looked up to see that there was a small trail there and someone was approaching. The guy kept talking and Cas wasn't sure what to do, he wasn't paying attention at all to the duck facts the guy was spouting. He froze up and Desirae stumbled to her feet again, both watched as a stranger appeared from past the trees. The stranger had an opaque bag labeled 'Duck food' crudely written with a permanent marker, as well as a folded chair and book. The guy was slim, average height, and the most prominent part about his head that Cas noticed were his large ears.

The man's eyes widened when he rounded the corner into the pond clearing and he dropped everything he was carrying. "Oh my god," he said breathlessly, Cas' nerves were on fire but he found the ability to move again. It wasn't much but he cautiously took the few necessary steps to be at Desirae's side again, curving a wing around her protectively.

The stranger's eyes watered and he blinked a few times as a choked and disbelieving laugh bubbled up in his throat, "Castiel?" He asked so tentatively, Cas knew the look of recognition the stranger gave, it was the same one Charlie had. But Cas had remembered the emotion Charlie brought him, this person didn't bring anything.

"Maybe," he answered defensively, part of him had wanted to deny it to try an attempt at shaking the guy off the idea of looking for him. But he couldn't do that. He couldn't deny to himself that he was Castiel when he was struggling so hard to be that in the first place.

Cas didn't stick around any longer, he didn't want to risk anything happening to Desirae or himself and so he picked her up again.

"Cas, wait," she tried to protest but he wouldn't listen, his wings were strong enough to take off in one push and so he did.

"Cas!" the stranger's voice grew distant and faded as Castiel flew away from there.

"He knew you, don't you want to talk to him?" Rae asked as she tried to look over his shoulder, back at the new person.

"I don't know him, I didn't feel anything and I don't trust it." Cas replied, a little out of breath from the rising panic in his chest. "Maybe Charlie could tell me who it was but I don't want to risk anything like that."

Fear of a new person, that wasn't something he'd experienced before. At least not until that Rufus person and the gun. Cas had become conscious enough that he could understand he should be wary of strangers. He didn't know who was involved in his imprisonment, he didn't know who knew about it or who knew him before hand. With no immediate feeling involved he wouldn't risk it. Especially not with Desirae, he knew that the others wouldn't forgive him for that.

"I think he was safe," she continued as he hurtled his way back to Dean.

"You don't know that for sure," he held her tightly because she didn't make as much of an effort this time.

"He had a bag of food!"

"That doesn't mean he's a good person." His heart was racing as he dove back to the property, the mansion stood tall and though Cas expected to see Dean in the same spot that wasn't the case. Dean had moved to the car, gesturing wildly at Jet who pointed up at Cas.

Dean turned around and looked up, Cas landed close and put Desirae down before he rushed to surprised but open arms.

"Cas?" Dean sounded almost as panicked as Cas felt.

Castiel buried his face against Dean's shoulder and tried to take steadying breaths. He was afraid, he'd met someone who knew him from somewhere and couldn't figure out what it was. "Dee," he gasped and Dean held him close, it was warm and comforting. Cas felt like he could fall into it completely. "Someone's… in the trees."

"What?" Dean's expression creased with worry and a hint of anger. "Did you go down to them?"

He nodded and flinched when Dean demanded to know why. It came from a part of Dean that cared about him but was as worried and scared as Cas was. He looked up at Dean who's gaze softened as soon as their eyes met.

"Sorry," Dean apologized gently; his hand found Cas' cheek and wiped away a tear that had escaped. "I'm just… I don't want to lose you, Cas. You scared me."

"I know," Cas whispered, "We saw ducks… I wanted to get closer."

"And some dude saw you?" Jet asked, surprisingly calm as he put Rae on his shoulders.

"Yeah," she stated before Cas could answer, "He had a big bag with words on it and I could smell food in it. I think he was gonna feed the ducks."

Jet raised an eyebrow, "A dude feeding ducks in the middle of nowhere? What the fuck?"

"I could see why Cas was scared," Dean nodded; his arms had a protectively tight hold that Cas appreciated immensely. He could feel Dean was a little calmer and it helped eased Cas' own anxiety. Maybe he'd overreacted but he couldn't be too careful, at least not until he regained most of himself. Dean meant safety and Cas would much rather meet new people while Dean was at his side.

Jet looked up at Desirae, "Was he old?"

"No -wait yes! …Maybe? I dunno."

Her response was short and left much to be desired, or so Cas read in Jet's expression. "'Kay… So how old did he look? Like Bobby or more like Dean?"

"Uhhhmmm… Dean I think."

"Alright, did he know either of you?"

"Yeah, he knew Cas."

Jet nodded, Cas didn't know him that well but he could tell he was thinking. "So we're expecting a guy around our age then…"

"Expecting?" Dean and Cas both asked, they shared a quick look that brightened Cas' entire day so far.

"Yeah, don't you think this dude would go to the closest inhabited place? He recognized Cas; he's either someone who was part of the experiments or someone who knew Castiel Novak. Either way we're gonna have company."

Cas' wings drooped and he looked at Dean worriedly, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"

"It's okay," Dean reassured him immediately, that little phrase that lifted his spirits just enough to make him smile. "You can hang out inside or on the roof or something, we'll meet this dude."

"He sounded nice," Desirae insisted, "he knew a lot about ducks."

"Yeah?" Jet smiled up at her, "Guess that means we won't have too much trouble with him then."

"Yeah," she agreed with a laugh. Cas wished he could be so carefree for a moment but he knew what that could cost. He'd choose to be riddled with worries if it meant he could keep consciousness.

Jet looked over at Dean and gestured toward the door, "I'm gonna get Charlie in on this, she might know the dude. If she does then he's probably trustworthy."

"Good call." Dean waved him off and turned his attention back to Cas who hadn't let go of him yet. "You okay?" His tone was so gentle and caring, Cas wondered what he'd ever do without him.

"Yes, I feel better now." He nuzzled Dean's cheek and kissed right by his ear. "Thank you, Dee."

"You're welcome," Dean said through a shiver, his cheeks were flushing a light pink. "Don't worry, we'll sort this guy out for you."

"I know you will."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I took a very needed break. I'm sorry it took me so long to climb out of that state but I'm glad to be back. I hope I can update as frequently as before but it might take a bit to recover still. Please be patient with me.


	47. Chapter 47

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU EVERYBODY. I really appreciate your support, not just for reading my stuff but for helping me too. I'm doing much better now and I wanted to let you all know that I added art for chapter 31 (at the end) so check it out if you wanna.

Everyone had gathered in the entrance and given the basic situation. Sam and Jet stood by the windows watching the road while Charlie looked to Cas inquisitively, "So, what did the guy look like? Can you remember?" She was curious though a level of seriousness lined her words, as the single most intense searcher for Castiel she was interested to know who else would recognize him.

Cas furrowed his brow in thought and nodded, "He had big ears and big eyes for his face. His hair was short and he wasn't short but he was small for his height." Dean made a note to praise Cas later for how far he'd come, there were fewer pauses than ever in that long sentence. Though at the same time, Dean wasn't really sure if Charlie could get anything off of that. Those kinds of things were pretty dependant on Cas' perception, Dean wasn't sure his idea of 'big ears' was the same as Cas'. For example, in his opinion Jet had pretty big ears though his friend argued, and others would say that Dean had big eyes, but Dean didn't think they were much larger than anyone else's.

Except Charlie's gears were turning pretty fast regardless, "Well..." she looked at the group with a semi-certain expression, "If I had to guess I'd say the guy we're expecting is named Garth."

Dean raised an eyebrow skeptically, "You got that from big eyes, ears, and being thin?"

"Does he drive a pick-up truck?" Jet asked and Charlie shrugged.

"I don't know, haven't seen him in a while."

"Wait," Dean raised his hand next, "You haven't seen this dude in a while but you still think he's got the same big ears and short hair?"

Charlie scrunched her nose up at him and that was the only response he really got for now. She looked over at Jet, "Why do you ask?"

"Well," Jet glanced at Dean, an amused smirk gracing his otherwise neutral expression, "there's one of those on the yard now."

Dean went to look out the window where Jet was standing and sure enough, an old beat up truck pulled onto the lot. It wasn't going particularly fast, like the owner wasn't sure they were allowed to be there.

"Listen, all I know is that a guy who might be really thin and have goofy proportions to his face could be an old friend, I think that even more since Cas and Rae found him feeding ducks outside of town. Garth liked to do shit like that sometimes," Charlie attempted to defend herself but Dean could tell even she wasn't entirely convinced this was her friend.

"Let's go meet him," Jet smiled in that wild way Dean knew could mean trouble as he strolled out the door first. Sam exchanged a look with his brother and both agreed silently that there was no way they could let their mutual bestie take the reins on this one.

"I'll wait here," Cas said and Dean looked back at him, wings curled in slightly and eyes somewhat worried as it was. He felt a little bad but that feeling had become fairly common since he met Cas, so as a silent promise he tried to not let that on.

"Thanks, we won't be long." Dean gave a thumb's up and hurried after Sam, Charlie, and Jet. As he walked out into the sunlight, eyes narrowed from the glare, he noticed that the man climbing out of the truck was smiling from ear to ear.

"Hiya," he said with a short wave and then his eyes fell to Charlie, "Long time no see, girl!"

"It is you," Charlie brightened and hurried over to give an old friend a hug. Apparently 'big ears' was enough of a descriptor, Dean wouldn't have guessed. "I haven't talked to you in over a year, how've you been?"

"Pretty awesome, pretty awesome," Garth nodded and shoved his hands into his pockets, "I was travelling last time we talked, right?"

"Yeah, didn't sound like you wanted to come home either." Charlie punched his shoulder endearingly, "What changed? Got a little home sick?"

"I bit, I missed my folks and I was running out of money. I mean, I lived without money for a while too but I figured it was a sign to come back for a little while." He nudged her back and smiled at the slowly diminishing threat in the three larger men. "What's up fellas?"

"You must be Garth," Sam's tone was as much a question as it was a statement to which Garth nodded.

"Garth Fitzgerald IV," he tipped his head, that bright smile remaining on his face without a hint of fading. "And who might my welcome party be?"

"I'm Sam, my brother Dean, and boyfriend Jet."

Dean raised his hand, "Hey,"

"Yo." Jet's expression wasn't menacing but Dean wouldn't classify it as friendly either. "Whatcha doin' here, Garth?"

"Jet," Sam warned to which he got a 'tch' from his boy.

"It's alright," Garth reassured and looked at Charlie, "I… assume that you being here isn't a coincidence is it?"

"No," she shrugged a little nervously; Dean could see the small glint of uncertainty in her face. "You saw him."

"So that really was Cas," Garth breathed and to Dean's ears it sounded more relieved than anything else. "That's amazing, Charlie! Where did you find him?"

"I didn't, they did." She nodded to the boys, "But I'm here now, so that's what matters."

"Where was he?" Garth looked up enthusiastically at Sam who seemed to be the friendliest by default.

"The basement of the mansion, he's been free for a couple weeks now," Sam explained freely, Charlie wasn't too concerned about Garth so he wasn't either. Not to mention he could probably take Garth down in one hit, Dean didn't doubt it for a second.

"Weeks? You've known about this for weeks?" Garth turned back to Charlie with a more questioning look, "Why wouldn't you tell anyone?"

"Everyone else gave up on him," she retaliated immediately, defensive of her decisions to the point that Dean guessed she wasn't totally sold on them herself. "You could all wait a little while until he got better, I didn't think I needed to tell you right away."

"I don't mean me, Charlie." Garth's tone wasn't attacking in any fashion; he kept clear of that though Charlie didn't seem to become any less defensive. "You're not the only one that was hurt when he disappeared."

"I know, I know," her gaze fell away from his, guilty written in her posture. "I just… it's complicated, Garth. Cas isn't ready to see Michael yet, and I don't think Michael's ready either."

"I'm sorry," Garth put a gentle hand on her shoulder, "I know you have the best intentions but… I don't think you get to decide that for him."

She looked up; her expression was torn between being angry and accepting. "Stop being my conscience, I know more about this than you do."

"Okay," Dean decided it was time to step in, "You guys don't need to fight, both of you make a really good point. All I know is that Cas wouldn't want this to be an issue, alright?" he looked at them both and they nodded their agreement. "Good."

"Can I see him?" Garth asked and Dean glanced at the front door.

"I guess so, but you saw him before, right? Wings and all that?"

"Yeah, he didn't know who I was," Garth nodded again, "I figured I just look different."

"You're a bit taller, but mostly the same." Charlie pointed out and earned herself a laugh from her old friend. "Seriously though, Garth," she touched his arm gingerly, "Cas isn't the same."

"Neither am I, or at least not on the outside. And you aren't either, right? I'm just glad he's alive, I don't care that he's not the same."

Charlie sighed and gave Dean an accepting look before he turned to the house. He waved a little, "Cas! It's okay, you can come out."

He hadn't even fully finished the sentence before the door opened and Cas bounded out. A rush of air and flutter of wings put him at Dean's side, eyes wide as he looked Garth over again. "Hello," he said tentatively, keeping close to Dean despite being told it was fine and hurrying out.

Garth's eyes watered as his smile grew, "Hi Cas," he made no attempts to hide the fact that he was crying, in fact he freely allowed himself to do so. Dean wasn't sure why but he was a bit jealous. "Man, it's good to see you again. How have you been?"

Castiel looked at Dean who nodded toward Cas' lost memory, a sort of reassurance that he could answer. "I… I'm better now." Cas said as he returned his eye contact to Garth's, "I'm sorry, I don't know who you are."

Garth faltered a little, "Yeah, I kinda thought so. It's okay though, I'm just happy you're alright."

Cas lowered his head but kept his eyes up, "I'm not human anymore,"

"Cas," Dean couldn't hold his reaction as his heart wrenched from that admission.

"It's okay, Dee," Cas smiled at him, quick to try and calm the sudden storm he caused. "I know it's true, it's not that bad."

Dean wanted to take comfort in Cas' words or in the quiet expression he wore, but it wasn't possible. As much as Dean wanted to feel like it was okay he couldn't be convinced that Cas thought it was fine. At least not so soon after hearing it, he wanted to sit down and talk it out before he could make any real judgement calls on it. For the time being he'd mark it as a sensitive topic.

"What happened to you?" Garth asked softly, the reality finally seeming to sink into the density that was his mind.

"I don't want to explain right now," Cas said truthfully, his eyes holding Garth's gaze firmly, "But if you stay the night I can show you."

Dean wasn't sure it was a good idea. He knew that Cas didn't recognize an old friend, which meant Cas' emotions and feelings wouldn't come up in the same protective way. As far as Dean knew Cas didn't have a lot of control over those dreams as it was, he'd shared the first ones with them because he didn't know how else to do it but now was different. Castiel could speak, albeit slowly and choppily but words could be used instead.

"Maybe not, Cas." He decided to say it out loud, his attention on Castiel who looked at him a bit surprised. "We don't know what kind of toll doing stuff like that takes on you, let us explain if you don't want to."

Cas stared at him blankly for a second or two but he smiled as the time passed, "Okay," he nuzzled Dean's cheek, "Thank you."

Charlie reached over and touched Cas' shoulder, "Don't worry about it, we've got your back, man." The two shared a smile that made Dean feel a bit more comfortable about speaking up.

"Sounds like a lot of trouble," Garth rubbed the back of his head, "I guess you don't go missing without a trace for good reasons…"

"What matters is that he's getting better," Sam offered a smile that Garth accepted willingly.

"So," Jet said unimpressed as he raised his arm and pointed down their long drive way, "We got a grey car incoming, anyone know who _that_ might be?"

Charlie looked at Garth with wide eyes, "You did not…"

"What?" He asked defensively this time, "I was sure I saw Cas, why _wouldn't_ I call Michael?"

"Oh goddamn it," Dean pinched his brow.

"Well you don't invite him to a place you don't own, you dumb fuck!" Jet snapped back and Sam tried to hush him. It worked well enough that Jet didn't go on another one of his rants but it didn't chill him out any.

Cas whined softly and stepped behind Dean, all the excitement was making him nervous and Dean didn't blame him. "It's okay," he whispered and Cas tucked in closer. "Do you know the name Michael?"

"I remember it from my nightmares," Cas replied softly, "I was crying that name but I don't know why."

"He's your older brother," Dean took Cas' hand firmly, at least to show him that they were together, Dean wasn't going anywhere and nothing would happen to Cas. "Maybe you'll remember better if you see him." Cas' little grunt in response didn't sound terribly convinced.

The car pulled to a stop in a space that would still be easy to drive away from, its driver cautious of the estate. Dean could see the silhouette of the person but he could tell by Charlie's reaction that it was definitely Michael Novak. The door opened and a dark haired man stepped out, his eyes were steely and his expression pulled tight. He didn't seem to notice Cas yet, Dean's angel was tucked behind him and curling wings around to try and hide.

"Charlie?" Michael asked a little bewildered, Dean was sure he was putting together the same thing that Garth had. If Charlie was around where a possible Cas sighting had happened, could it be a coincidence. Michael glanced at Garth for an answer, his brow slowly creasing as he looked around at the gaggle of people, and then his eyes stopped at Dean. There were wings sprouting from behind him but Cas was still visible if one looked carefully.

Even from the distance between them and four years separating the last time they'd spoken, Michael still recognized Castiel immediately. His eyes widened and his defensive stance slumped in disbelief, "Cas?" he barely managed to choke out. "Cas is that you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, cliffhangers :3


	48. Chapter 48

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this one's a bit short but I wanted to write something like this for a while - just needed the right moment and I think interrupting a cliffhanger is the right moment ;)
> 
> Also I wasn't entirely sure if I mentioned their parents previously (I had a bunch of different ideas throughout but I can't remember what I've said or written) I scanned all the chapters and found nothing so here is this chapter! Enjoy

"Don't get me wrong," Castiel said as he dropped a box with the few others they had, all packed hastily and sloppily at best. "I'm ecstatic that we're moving so close to Charlie's place, but would you mind explaining again why we're staying in town?"

"You don't mind but you want answers, is that it?" Michael sighed tiredly as he leaned against a much heavier box than Cas' had been, Castiel wasn't much for heavy lifting if he wasn't asked to do it.

"Pretty much, yeah."

"Because they'd expect us to skip town, that's why. Also grandma comes here during her city shopping runs so she told me to stay around here." Michael paused and looked at his little brother's slightly worried expression. "We'll be fine, alright?"

"Yeah, I guess so. Thanks Mike."

Cas still couldn't quite get his mind around it. Just a few days previous he'd come home from school, everything seemed normal. His parents were tired but they always seemed to be, except this time it was a sort of distant tired. Like they weren't willing to acknowledge him. He'd said hello and out of habit or politeness they replied but something was off, he hadn't been able to put his finger on it.

He'd gone to his room to relax and Michael slipped in with a simple demand; pack your stuff. Cas hadn't understood at first, why would he have to pack? Pack what? Going where? And so many more questions. Michael's answer was 'Pack everything that's important to you. Leave the garbage. Do it fast.'

On the trip away from home Michael explained that their parents found out about Cas' less than 'Christian' beliefs. Mostly about his sexuality and how he wasn't straight - there was mention of conversion therapy and it sent chills down Cas' spine.

Their family was poor, his parents worked their hardest but neither had a high school diploma and minimum wage wasn't particularly a living wage. They gave everything they had into raising their kids, Michael was older and Cas knew that they pressured him into taking care of his little brother. Everyone thought it was a secret but Cas knew that his parents had sort of written Michael off as soon as Cas was conceived. It was like they believed they'd already messed him up and that Cas would be their true ticket to heaven or something. He never bothered to ask, it didn't seem right to pop their bubble.

But it was pretty evident in how the brothers were treated in church and at home. In fact, their parents didn't even care if Michael went or not but if Cas ever skipped? He was in some serious shit. Cas was expected to get higher grades, never get detentions or into any kind of trouble at all. Michael was his support and saving grace in a lot of instances. Their parents had left babysitting up to Michael while they worked overtime, he always had a list of shit Cas needed to get done and things he wasn't allowed to do etc.

All the things that Cas could be tested on were all things that were finished but Michael didn't give a shit about the rest. He let Cas stay up super late, bought junk food with his own money so Cas could enjoy it too. Michael even let him watch horror movies and stuff like Harry Potter despite their parents being adamantly against it.

Thinking about that, Cas figured them discovering his more queer tendencies was a shock for them. He'd heard horror stories about people coming out to their parents, which was a big reason he didn't say anything directly to them. If he ever brought another boy home it was cute that he had a friend - if they were home long enough to see, that is.

Part of him felt the fear that he knew he should but it wasn't registering quite right. Michael did most of the hard work already; he took Cas away from a dangerous environment, he found a place for them to stay and he even made sure they'd get help from their grandparents if need be. Cas was shaken up but there wasn't anything to be afraid of, he just had to wrap his head around the changes.

He couldn't imagine living away from his mom and dad; the first fear was that of change. He didn't know what to do about it; he didn't know what to say. He wouldn't see his parents for a long time, he had no idea how that would affect him. He didn't hate them, they were his parents and to imagine that they were about to turn on him like that… it was painful but he was so numb to it. He felt like he drifted through the first steps, but it was more like he was being carried.

Michael prepared for everything so fast, like he'd been waiting to take Cas away forever already. Cas was in a whirlwind of confusion and change but his brother was like an anchor, head on straight and eyes focused on what mattered. Cas didn't know exactly what Michael was so motivated by, he had a guess it was the ingrained demand to 'take care of Castiel.' But that just sounded selfish.

The first few days Michael had put them up in a cheap motel, Cas knew that Michael was saving up for something but he never thought that money would ever be used on him. He didn't know how to express his gratitude, he didn't even know if he was grateful at the time. All the serious conversations that happened regarding him happened between his parents, grandparents, and Michael. Cas was spared the commentary, and for that he was sure he'd thank Michael one day.

All negotiations were made and it was decided that Castiel's guardians would be his grandparents officially, however they didn't have space for him since they were in a nursing home. Michael stepped in and that's how Cas ended up living in a small space, just him and his big brother.

Every box was in the house now, Cas wasn't sure how he felt about the building but it wasn't so bad. It wasn't _better_ than where their parents lived but it wasn't worse either. Plus he knew that Charlie's place was within walking distance so all was well. At least, that's what he would tell himself until it was true.

"You okay?" Michael asked as he sat down next to Cas on the empty living room floor, they didn't have any furniture to fill it just yet.

"Yeah," Cas muttered distantly, "I just… this' gonna take some getting used to, you know?"

"Yeah," Michael nodded and stared at the same beige wall that Cas' eyes were drawn to; there was a crack that split the paint in some areas that kept their attention for a few quiet seconds. "I'm sorry Cas," Michael said, breaking the silence and getting a look from his brother.

"Why?" Cas scoffed a dull laugh, "You did what you had to; I would've been in some crazy camp right now if it weren't for you."

Michael sighed and dropped back, lying flat on the floor and staring up. "I know, but maybe if I-"

Cas hit his stomach hard enough that Michael had to cough and sufficiently cut him off. "Shut up," he whispered as Michael recovered from the sudden assault, "Your stupid is getting out."

His brother smirked and elbowed him hard, "Fine, I get what you mean." Despite the harsh return gesture Cas knew Michael understood. It didn't matter what could have happened or might've been done, this was where they were now.

Cas lied down on the floor too, his gaze stuck on the weird oval-shaped light fixture above them, "Do mom and dad hate me now?" he blurted out and Michael didn't skip a beat in replying.

"No."

Cas couldn't help but smile at that quick response though his mind was still working overtime. "But we're not living with them anymore."

"They love you, they just think what you're doing is wrong and they want to 'fix it.'" Michael raised his hands to show his air quotes though his tone was sarcastic enough that Cas got the picture.

Cas wanted to ask all the obvious questions, why they couldn't understand or why it was so hard to just love your child unconditionally. He wanted to know why people hated things they didn't understand or even cares about things that had nothing to do with them. It was a waste of breath though. He exhaled heavily, a symbol to himself to let those words and questions go unanswered.

"Are things going to change a lot?" He asked after another few minutes of silent gazing at the ceiling.

"Things have changed as much as they're going to for a while," Michael said easily, like he was on the verge of falling asleep or something. "We didn't see mom and dad very often so that's not so different. You're closer to school now; you can walk instead of taking the bus, that's different. I've adjusted your bedtime to midnight, that's different. You can watch all the stuff I watch, that's different."

Cas laughed at the stupid way Michael said 'that's different' as if it was a whole new revelation each time. "We pick out the groceries together, that's different." He mimicked and Michael snorted.

"Exactly. Different doesn't mean bad, Cas. Everything that happens to you is just a new situation you'll eventually learn to live with regardless."

Cas hummed and turned his head to look at his big brother who's steel eyes were open, staring at nothing. "I guess we don't always have a choice, huh?"

Michael looked back at him and smiled, reassuring and warm, "No, but it's okay, Cas. Right now you've got me."

"Likewise." Cas grinned and sat upright, "Okay then, let's get this stuff unpacked."

"Sure." Michael groaned as he pushed himself up onto his feet again.

Cas was a little excited, he wanted to try and see the good side of what was happening and that meant letting himself get swept up in the moment and staying there. He was looking forward to organizing a new room, sure he didn't have a bed yet but it was okay, he and Michael would spend the time together.

Pizza was ordered that night after they separated boxes into the right spaces. They didn't have a lot of stuff yet, their grandparents would get things to them later but at that moment all they had were the few belongings they owned between them. They set up base camp in the soon-to-be living room space, each had a blanket and a pillow and they set up Michael's laptop for entertainment.

With no Internet they were left to scour through his downloaded films – Cas was surprised to see the number of things his brother had stolen.

"Pirated," Michael argued and Cas rolled his eyes dramatically.

"You wouldn't download a car, Michael."

"Hell yeah I would," his brother muttered under his breath and Castiel laughed.

"Whoa you downloaded Kung Fu Panda?" Cas leaned in as he scanned the list, "I wanted to see that one! Can we watch it?"

Michael smirked and clicked on it without a second pestering required.


	49. Chapter 49

"Cas?"

Cas felt his heart jump and his stomach tightened with anxious thoughts, he knew the reason was because his own confusion and his own doubts. Something else triggered tears behind his eyes, just a name didn't bring up enough emotion but hearing Michael was an entirely different story.

"Cas is that you?"

He took a deep breath and dared to peek from behind Dean. Michael was still quite a distance away but Cas had better vision than everyone present. He could see the look on Michael's face, the torn up expression that was so familiar to him now. But still, there was more familiarity to Michael's presence than Cas would have thought. It brought up a similar rush he felt when he saw Charlie the first time. He remembered being overwhelmed then, her face made his heart flutter in recognition and his mind race. He remembered the confusion and the pressure in his chest. This was just like that, except now he could speak and now he could comprehend more of his own mind. This time he wouldn't circle around the new person and sniff at them like the stranger they seemed to be.

The biggest difference between seeing Charlie and seeing Michael was how fast he recognized their faces. Charlie's had taken a few minutes, his mind was too distracted and foggy to really hang onto any old memory. Michael's immediately struck a chord in him, something rang out in his head and he wished he could remember anything else that came with knowing that face.

Michael's expression became more strained the more he tried to hold himself back. The realization that Castiel stood in front of him was sinking in and tears fell without permission. "Cas," he whispered and took shaky steps forward, almost as if he didn't believe it yet. "Castiel, where have you been?" His tone wasn't strong; it was trying to be scolding but failed as his voice broke along with any illusion of solidity.

Cas exhaled slowly and stepped out from behind Dean, his eyes darted to see Dean was watching him carefully, trying to read him.

"You don't have to talk to him," Dean whispered protectively, "No one's gonna stop you from going back inside, okay?"

"I can't," Cas replied simply and walked forward to meet Michael. He didn't know what he would say, everyone else explained for him up until then. Michael was supposed to be his older brother, Cas wished he could drag those memories up to call on, to tell him something, but it didn't seem like he'd be so lucky.

Michael's pace was staggered at first, Cas could see the shock hadn't settled yet. Michael stumbled into a run as soon as he could make sense of enough of what he was seeing; he rushed up to Cas who opened his arms to it. Michael held on tight, desperately like Castiel might just evaporate or disappear in a dream. Cas noticed how heavy Michael felt against him, how it seemed like Michael could barely keep himself standing. It broke Cas' heart knowing he couldn't connect the way he should be able to. It was just like Charlie all over again.

"Michael?" he uttered the name correctly the first time, his tone questioning the very origin of it. He didn't know for sure that this was Michael, or who Michael was. He knew that they were related but that didn't tell him much; there were such things as terrible siblings. Then again, the way Michael was acting… it couldn't be anyone else, could it?

His brother couldn't quite answer, his shoulders trembled and a shuddering breath was the initial response. Cas lifted his arms up to hug Michael back, tears falling down his own cheeks despite his unknowing disposition. No one said anything; Cas could hear the tense breathing from Charlie, like she was unsure of what would happen next. He heard Dean's increased heart rate, worry growing in his beloved's mind like a cancer. As well he heard Garth's unsteady feet as he adjusted a few times, unable to keep still.

Michael didn't let go, he didn't loosen his hold and he didn't stop crying for some time. Castiel remained there for him and felt an increasingly dense empathy growing. "I'm sorry," he muttered by Michael's ear, "I know you're my brother but that's all I remember." Cas had to tell him, he couldn't let Michael just cry without understanding what he should be crying about.

Michael's attempt at hiding his sobbing was slipping away from him but he managed to choke out a laugh to interrupt the swelling agony, "You go missing for four years," he said as he lifted his head, a dismal smile on his face, " _god_ knows what happened to you to give you wings, or what kind of shit they did to cause you forget everything, and you _apologize to me?_ "

"Uh," Cas' eyes widened a little and he looked down for a moment, "I… I guess so."

"I don't know what's happening," Michael hugged him again, holding Cas with a strong grip but not smothering. "I have no idea where you've been, or what you went through. I don't know anything, but right now I'm just happy to see you."

Castiel listened and felt his worries slip away. Any fear he had about Michael, about the way the name had sparked something in him before, it was all fading. He knew why he was so emotional about Michael; he could hear the answer in Michael's tone. It was protective and loving, like whatever Cas had become wouldn't change his older brothers feelings about him. Or at least that's what he was starting to understand.

"I thought you were dead," Michael said shakily, his hold tightened again and Castiel squeezed back.

"I'm not," he answered gently, "but I'm not the same either."

"I couldn't imagine that you would be," Michael choked on a forced laugh as he let go again, his eyes trailed over Castiel one more time to get a better look at him. Cas could see the confusion on his brother's face, the look that said more than his words could. Michael had no idea what to say, Cas could relate. "I can't believe you're really here…"

"I had help," Cas smiled back at Dean who waved sheepishly.

Michael glanced at them, a skeptical expression at best. There was an accusing look in his eyes, Cas didn't know who he was accusing of what exactly but he knew what it was.

"This is Dee," Cas said next as he motioned to Dean who raised his hand to indicate himself, "he found me in the basement, he saved me."

Michael's eyes shifted to Dean's face and gave the other man a quick once over, "I have a lot of questions," he didn't particularly address Dean so much as the statement was for everyone present. "But first," Michael turned back to Cas, he hesitated for a moment before putting his hand on the side of Cas' head. His eyes were so expressive; Cas could swear he saw the hundreds of questions and concerns floating around in a hazy confusion. Michael was just looking at him, like it'd been decades since they'd seen one another. Cas didn't want to imagine how his own face looked to Michael in that moment, clueless and unrecognizing in the worst kind of way.

"You look well," Michael admitted softly, an almost relieved smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.

"I am now, mostly." Cas nodded, he knew that his speech patterns weren't right just yet, his sentences were still broken up and he could tell that Michael noticed too. Cas knew that he must've been speaking much slower than Michael was used to, he could see the pain fluctuating in his brother's face.

"Michael," Charlie spoke up as she walked closer, her tone was tentative, like she knew talking to him was like walking on thin ice. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." She bit absently at her lower lip as she watched the older Novak's face.

Michael's features had tightened, Cas sensed a certain bitterness but it was fleeting. "Can I ask why you didn't?"

"Because…" she fidgeted with her sleeve ends and dropped her gaze, she couldn't find a good answer.

Cas touched her arm gingerly and smiled when she looked up, "Because I'm different." He explained for her and Michael exhaled somberly.

"Cas-"

"It's true," he made eye contact with his brother again, "I couldn't speak when she found me, I barely recognized her at all. I was more animal than human. She didn't know if it was me, how could she tell you? What would she tell you? She thought she found Castiel but it could be a clone or something with his DNA, who knows."

Michael's demeanor was shaken; he clearly didn't know how to take any of the information he was getting. But how could he, really? Cas didn't blame him for being confused and frustrated, or dumbfounded and silent. It really was too much to hear all at once, even more so if the things had happened to a loved one.

Cas felt his eyes stinging again and he wiped the tears away. His chest had tightened and he could feel a growing sense that he was losing control of his emotions too. He could see a blue glow on things in his vicinity; he knew it was coming from his eyes, connected to his emotional stability. He knew that he was upset but he couldn't control it. Tears fell faster and he realized too late that he was overwhelmed with everything happening. Michael's presence brought on old feelings that Cas didn't know the source of within himself. Being told 'this is your brother' didn't connect the dots internally; he was lost at sea without a map to an island he knew should be there.

Michael was supposed to be someone important but he couldn't remember properly.

Charlie was supposed to be his best friend but all he could see when he looked at her –or Michael- was a blurry picture and a swell of disconnected feelings.

Part of him could tell that those feelings should've been happy ones. Nostalgia maybe? But the weight of memories he couldn't see tore at his mind. It left wounds uncovered.

He didn't know who they were, not really. He knew their names and their faces rung bells that gave him a headache. He didn't know them but they knew him. He didn't know him. He didn't know if he'd ever remember Castiel Novak or if that person would come back.

Cas felt his chest heave as his lungs struggled to take air in. A whine escaped him and he covered his mouth, he shouldn't make those sounds anymore.

Or should he? He knew he wasn't human, he was his own being now. He already decided that wasn't so much a bad thing, but then… the looks he got for it weren't anything like what he wanted to see. People who used to know him, people like Charlie, Garth, and Michael, they always had a certain look in their eyes.

He could see it. He knew the expression, it was subtle but it hurt like hell. They expected something else from him, they saw what he'd become and it wasn't a 'new being.' It was a broken Castiel. He was a mangled human to them, wasn't he?

What was he supposed to be? He couldn't find Castiel, not the way he was. Everything was wrong.

"It's wrong!" He cried out as he stepped away from Michael and Charlie, he could feel his legs shaking.

"Cas," Michael reached out and he slapped the man's hand away with his wing.

"NO!" He screamed, it barely sounded human. Michael and Charlie's faces were washed in blue light and they had to squint to see him. "I'm not Cas!" his voice broke as he yelled at them. "I'm different! I'm not Castiel!"

"Cas you need to calm down!" Sam called to him and Cas covered his ears, eyes squeezed shut.

" _No!"_ He shrieked, tears fell from his eyes and down his cheeks in streams. He heard the sound of glass cracking from his pitch and the power in his voice. It didn't comfort him.

Someone approached him from behind, they were running and he tried to beat them back with his wings but he missed. Familiar arms wrapped around him and pulled him in, a tight grip that wouldn't let go despite how much he fought against it.

"Let go!" he demanded and struggled to break free but they wouldn't, even despite his wings swinging around and beating against their back. They only held on tighter and waited for the blows to stop.

He recognized the scent as his face was pressed against their chest; it was Dean. Cas' wings froze and he held completely still as he tried to understand what was happening.

"It's okay, Cas." Dean whispered to him and it brought his mind back to reality. "It's okay, I'm here. I've got you. It's okay." He repeated softly over and over, it made Cas' limbs loosen and he slumped against Dean's embrace.

"Dee," he whimpered through quick, shaky gasps as he tried to breathe right. "I'm so confused," he couldn't stop breathing in like short hiccups and exhaling was becoming more difficult. In a pained attempt to force himself to breathe out he coughed and sobbed and wound up wailing. His face pushed hard against Dean's torso as he slipped and his legs gave out, but he didn't fall. Dean held strong and lifted him up like nothing, like he didn't have extra pounds of muscle on his back.

"It's alright to be confused," Dean said sweetly, Cas could practically hear the smile. "We're here for you, no matter what."

Cas grabbed onto Dean's shirt and held on for dear life.


	50. Chapter 50

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got a pretty little Youya guest who asked me to do a Michael POV, anyone else on board with this?
> 
>  

 

Dean felt his heart breaking as he watched Castiel's meltdown. He saw it coming but chose not to believe it, chose to think that Cas wouldn't have that much trouble. Instead he found himself with bruises on his back and a hysterical, shaken man in his arms. Cas clung to him in silence after that, thinking too much and too hard about anything and everything.

Dean couldn't get those words out of his head; _I'm not Castiel!_

Yes you are.

He couldn't say it then, his mouth had been dry and he just stared in horror as Cas broke down. What on earth was going through either of their minds then? Something in Cas was rupturing, something was coming to the surface and Dean couldn't figure out what it could be. Maybe Cas was seeing new things, new feelings emerging that he didn't understand and it frightened him. Maybe Cas was learning he couldn't connect to his old self anymore. Regardless of what was causing it, Castiel was having an existential crisis and Dean didn't know what to do other than hold his angel.

Everyone was silent, eyes on Castiel as he shut down and curled against Dean, face hidden and wings protectively wrapped around. Michael stumbled back and found no support so he fell to the ground, legs splayed out ahead of him as his eyes remained focused forward but not on anything.

"What happened to him?" were the first words spoken in several silent moments and they came very gently from Garth. His voice was just above a whisper but no less tender in its delivery.

"A lot," Jet answered when no one else could find the words to do so, "We'll explain it later though, I don't think now's the time."

"Maybe," Garth agreed and quieted down again, looking at Cas with saddened eyes.

"Why wait?" Michael asked, a bitter and rattled tone coating his words. He managed to get his bearings enough to stand up again, his expression still rattled. Dean couldn't imagine how he'd feel if he were in Michael's shoes. He'd probably be blaming everyone in the immediate vicinity that hadn't told him where his brother was.

"Cas needs a break, man." Jet was surprisingly delicate with Michael, though Dean suspected it was more for Cas' sake.

"You like to keep these things to yourselves," Michael didn't have anywhere to aim his anguish or frustration, he wanted answers and he wanted them four years ago. "I don't think you know what Cas needs, there's no possible way you could know him well enough."

"We kept things from you for your own good." Jet warned, still keeping his tone of voice tame though Dean could hear his friend's patience slipping. "And you're not calm enough to make any calls regarding what he needs."

Michael's jaw was clenched, his eyes showed nothing but fury. Dean felt that maybe he and Michael were more alike than either of them really knew. The only thing keeping his mouth shut was the fact that he kept putting himself in Michael's position; what if Sam had been missing? What if he'd lost his brother and found him four years later like this? Being mouthed off to and told to calm down by the strangers his brother clung to? Every single moment that passed he had to ask himself those questions. What if it were Sam? What if he was where Michael stood now?

"How dare you?" Michael was shaking, angry tears on his face mixed with the misery of the rest. He crossed the space between him and Jet, the darker one didn't budge and kept eye contact until Michael stopped only a few feet away, "You think you can make judgment calls about him? Were you the one who was told every day that everything you do should be for him? That you weren't going anywhere but he was, he was going to be something amazing and you should give all you have to make sure he gets somewhere? I don't think so! I've been there for him every step of the way; I worked to make sure he could get out of here. I got him out of harms way countless times, fed him, defended him, listened to him when he couldn't hold it in anymore. Don't you dare tell me I don't know what he needs, I know him better than you ever will!"

"Yeah?" Jet cocked an eyebrow; Michael had closed in, trying to be intimidating despite being shorter. He'd caught Jet's shirt up in his fist and pulled Jet down to his level to even the odds, Jet didn't make a move to stop him. "You're also the one who let him work for the psychopath that abducted him."

"Jet!" Sam scolded a little too late, Jet wasn't listening and Michael had already heard it.

Michael's eyes widened and he dropped Jet's shirt as he stepped back, "What?"

"MacLeod was the one who had Cas this whole time," Jet glared but didn't move closer, he just held his ground. "You let your little brother work for a perverted old man, tell me again how you're the one who makes all the best choices regarding Cas?"

"Jet that's enough." Sam demanded and pushed his boyfriend back toward the house, "Go inside, you're not helping."

Jet sneered at Michael but listened to Sam all the same, "I'm just telling the fuckin' truth."

"No one asked you to." Sam frowned as he escorted Jet away from the others.

"No one ever asks me to."

Dean looked down at Cas whose grip tightened in his shirt, "You wanna go inside too?" Cas nodded once and Dean carefully led him toward the door, glancing back at the others he gestured for them to follow. "C'mon, let's go in."

Charlie put her hand on Michael's shoulder, "It's not your fault, Michael. We all fucked up."

Michael ground his teeth together and clenched his hands into fists, "It _is_ my fault. I was the one taking care of him… how could I not know? He was just outside of town this whole time and I…"

"Stop it," she insisted more sternly as she jerked him around to face her, "The police investigated MacLeod and said he was clean, what were you supposed to do? Not trusting police is my thing, not yours."

"But I should've stopped him from working there." Michael pulled away from her and turned his gaze to the ground.

"Yeah, me too." Charlie agreed, "In fact I tried to tell him not to but he wouldn't listen. I should've tried more than once but whenever I met MacLeod he seemed like a harmless old man. I mean he was almost 80, how could he possibly get the better of Cas?" She sighed and looked up at the house where Dean had stopped by the door to watch them.

Castiel had let go of him to go inside on his own, Dean glanced in to see Bobby greeting Cas with a smile and a pat on the head. Dean heard a quiet 'you did great out there,' and watched as Cas looked up in wonder. A timid smile crossed Cas' mouth and he moved in to hug Bobby.

Dean smiled at his dad who motioned for Dean to go back out, someone should definitely speak to Michael more. He left Cas in good hands and walked back out to settle what needed settling. He heard Charlie still talking to Michael as he closed in, she was watching him as he approached and she let herself smile too.

"Like I said, we fucked up. You and I failed Castiel, but these people rescued him."

Michael lifted his head and looked up at Dean too. Dean saw another expression he could understand, a protective older brother faced with the torture his family had been put through. He wished he could tell Michael that Cas was alright, but he couldn't do it honestly. He didn't know if Cas was okay and he couldn't say that the horrific things he'd gone through were all in the past. It was over but only Cas could tell them when it was finished with him, if that ever happened at all.

"They found him in a state I didn't even see." Charlie continued quietly, "When I met him he couldn't speak, he only grunted and made weird noises to communicate. He didn't understand how things worked and saw things he used to love as if it was for the first time. Dean and his family… They restored him to what he is right now, they care about him and they love him like he was one of them." She sighed and walked passed Michael as she headed for the door. "Cas might never be like he used to be, but I feel like we might be able to remind him who we are." She gave Dean a look as she walked by, one that said she would leave the rest to him. He nodded and watched the older Novak go through the motions of understanding everything that had just happened to him.

Michael looked around at the estate, his mind processing what Charlie had said as he stood in silence for a few moments. "So," he sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets, "you were the one that found him?"

"Yeah," Dean walked over and extended his hand, "Dean Winchester."

"Michael Novak," to Dean's surprise Michael didn't hesitate to take his offer. It was a firm handshake but not the kind where either side was trying to prove something, Dean figured given enough time he'd like Michael. "Cas seems to like you best, can you tell me… is he okay?"

"Well right now he's a bit shaken up," Dean looked back at the door, "But he's gotten pretty damn far since I met him." He felt guilt itching at the back of his mind. He'd had several opportunities to tell Michael about Cas and now, after seeing their reunion, he felt maybe what they did wasn't right. "Hey," he turned back to look at Michael who was doing a pretty good job of collecting himself again.

"What is it?"

Dean rubbed the back of his head and sighed heavily, "Look, I'm sorry we didn't tell you about Cas. You didn't say it loud but I know you wanted to; we didn't have the right to keep it a secret. We thought that anyone who knew him wouldn't be able to handle seeing him that way, and I guess… it wasn't helping either."

Michael's features softened and he turned more fully to face Dean, he didn't say anything to deny or agree but his expression was open.

"We made a choice for other people we didn't know, we made decisions for Cas when he couldn't and I don't know if any of the things we did were right or not. I know I did it for selfish reasons; I wanted to get to know Cas more. I wanted to protect him, I wanted him around, I didn't want to lose him… When we figured out you were so close and reachable, I panicked. I knew you'd want to take Cas home immediately, because that's what I'd do if the same happened to my little brother."

Michael nodded slowly, "You have a brother too?"

"Yeah, four years younger."

"Then you must have an idea-"

"I do," Dean cut him off before Michael could get any real momentum, Dean didn't need to hear it. "I've been trying to get into your shoes, to see it the way you would. I would've been pissed, more pissed than you were. I probably would've accused everyone here of being in on it even if they had proof they weren't. I would take my brother and leave, even if he didn't want to go." He held Michael's eyes for a pause, the seriousness of what he was about to say settling in. "That's why I want to ask you… please don't take him."

Michael looked away, his shoulders lowering slightly. He was thinking but he didn't speak.

"Please let him stay here with us. I get that you're his guardian and you've made most tough choices for his life but I… I need to stay with him. I'm not saying this to be selfish this time, I'm not begging just for me. Cas needs me, maybe not forever but for right now."

"Stop," Michael said but it wasn't cold like Dean thought it would be, "It's okay, I… I don't deserve to be his caretaker after all of this."

It was Dean's turn for stunned silence. He watched Michael smile sadly and look up at the mansion as if Cas would be looking back. "He deserves the best, and right now that's you and your family."

"He needs people he used to know, too." Dean added quietly, "You can't leave him now, Michael."

"I wasn't planning on it." Michael said decidedly and looked at Dean with a subtle smirk, "Make a key for me, I'm not going anywhere."

Dean cracked a grin, "I'll have to convince Jet, but I'm sure I can swing something."

"Jet, he's the one I was arguing with, right?"

He paused and laughed nervously, "Oh, yeah sorry about that, Jet's a bit of an asshole sometimes."

"No, he was right to put me in my place." Michael headed for the front door, "I don't know anything about what Cas went through but I threw my weight around anyway."

"So you're not bitter about that?"

Michael laughed a little, "Never said that, but I respect someone who can tell it like it is." He looked back at Dean, "Kinda like you did, just now. Thanks for telling me what Cas means to you, it helps."

Dean smiled and tipped his head in a nod, "Yeah, you're welcome – wait, helps what?"

"Helps me leave him with you without having to worry. I'm clearly not the best judge as to who's a creep and who isn't."

"That gets better with practice," Dean reassured him and followed inside to give Michael a better idea of what Cas was working with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY GUYS <3


	51. Chapter 51

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this is good enough guys! Writing Michael POVs isn't something I remember doing before (maybe in Jar of Hearts but that was like 2 years ago...)
> 
> Also if you're not checking in on my Zafiction tumblr account you're missing out on my quality banter

Michael followed Dean's lead with a muffled mind. He wasn't entirely sure he understood what the hell was happening or what he was walking into. Part of him thought it was a fever dream, like he'd fallen ill and collapsed. He was imagining that Castiel had been close by this whole time, that Cas looked like a classic angel and wasn't dead. But even thinking that felt like too much to actually be a dream.

_Was this really happening?_

His feet trudged along behind his new acquaintance, following close behind in a blank state. He barely saw the walls or the stretch of hall that lay ahead. He could only think about the 18 year old kid smiling at him that last time they'd spoken. He remembered Cas' obnoxious singing at two in the goddamn morning because there was 'an important solo' coming up. Cas always had one of those coming up and Michael had yelled at him too many times for it.

_Was Castiel really alive?_

He'd stared at the walls of his small home regretting being too harsh with Cas on occasions that it might not have been necessary. He sat and recalled every instance he'd ever had to regret when it came to Castiel. He dreamt about the times he was having a bad day and took a small amount of it out on Cas, a snarky comment or wanting 'to be alone' or to not be bothered. He'd stayed up late wishing he could be annoyed by a teenager that wouldn't go to sleep.

_Had Castiel really been so close? Was he just outside of town that whole time?_

"Michael?" Dean's voice broke up Michael's thoughts and he had to look up at the other man. "You okay? You stopped,"

It was true; he'd stopped walking entirely while lost in thought. "I guess I'm trying to accept all of this."

"It takes more than a few minutes," Dean offered a friendly smile, it almost seemed like everything Dean couldn't explain was hidden in that insecure expression. Michael would have to figure it all out on his own, perhaps with a little advice here and there.

It had to settle in his head that Dean knew more about Castiel's current state than Michael did. He had to accept that Dean had most of the story to something he wished he'd known for four years. "Do I want to know what happened?" He had to ask, it probably came out of nowhere for Dean but the possible answer burned in the back Michael's mind for far too long.

"Are you going to give yourself a choice?" It was a simple answer and simply said. Dean kept walking and Michael felt the reality and the weight of that question. It balanced on his shoulders, slowly feeling heavier despite not growing at all. He felt a scoffing laugh bubble in his throat and he shook his head.

"No, I suppose I won't." He kept after Dean, "How long was he with MacLeod?"

"Until a few weeks ago," Dean glanced back at him, slowing his pace enough for Michael to fall in line beside him. "MacLeod died and left his inheritance to Jet."

Michael's brow furrowed, he had several questions about that and Dean seemed to notice his confusion.

"Jet worked for the old bastard too, except MacLeod really had a hard-on for him. I've got a few theories as to why Jet got the money, the first one is just that maybe MacLeod felt guilty about what he was doing, or he was nervous about it. Cas told me that he was the one who killed MacLeod, was tormenting him every night for quite some time."

There was a look to Dean's face that told Michael there was too much to explain all at once. "What I'm getting here is that you guys aren't really sure what the hell happened."

"Pretty much," Dean laughed and rubbed the back of his head, "I mean MacLeod's got computers downstairs that Sam and Charlie have been taking turns with. We're learning more but as it stands we've got a lot of questions without any real answers."

"And you said that Cas killed MacLeod, except I read in the newspaper that he died in his townhouse, alone, no foul play expected et cetera."

"Well that part's complicated," Dean stopped before they reached the others and folded his arms over his chest. There was a thoughtful expression that overtook his face and Michael could see just little bits of why Cas would take so quickly to this man. "So let me break it down, and try to take it easy with this info, okay?"

Michael nodded. "I'll try."

"Right, so Cas was the source of many scientific experiments. MacLeod has a huge lab in the basement that spreads under his entire estate."

Michael's eyes widened, "Experiments… like his wings?"

"Yeah, MacLeod did a lot of shit including making a special drug for Cas to dumb him down and do who knows what else. Charlie's looking into it more and so far we know that even MacLeod didn't know all the side effects. I'm thinking that had something to do with this next part," Dean took a slow breath and raised his hands a little, "It's gonna sound crazy."

"It all sounds crazy, keep going." Michael caught the harsh tone he held and tried to soften it, "Please."

Dean seemed to appreciate that and nodded, "So Cas connects to us mentally through dreams. Through sheer force of will he wanted to show us what happened to him, that he was human underneath all the strange animal behaviours. We experienced some experiments and moments through Cas' eyes in our nightmares, Cas can't really control it so when he falls asleep at the same time as us he still drags us in."

Michael blinked slowly, it was sounding more and more insane the further he ventured into the rabbit hole. Had he finally lost his mind? Did everything just get too heavy for him and snap suddenly? He'd have to say that he hadn't seen it coming at all.

Dean cracked a smile, "I know that look and yes, this is for real. And that's not all; Cas spoke to me for the first time in a dream. Like, not his conscious self that doesn't remember anything, I mean all of his memories intact and fully aware of himself. Castiel's not able to connect to that part of himself for some reason, I mean I can tell they're the same but memories make up a big part of how you act, right?"

"Wait," Michael gestured for Dean to slow down, "So in these nightmares Cas talks to you?"

"Sometimes, it's really rare and he's only ever done it with me."

"Even though Charlie's here?"

"She hasn't slept at the same time as him; I think she's avoiding it."

Michael didn't really blame her, what kind of horror would that be? Just the idea of Cas living through experiments once was breaking his heart, seeing the real thing would be so much worse. And if Dean's expression was anything to go by he guessed it was a fairly realistic experience. Michael couldn't even imagine what those experiments did. He had different media to reference for it but the kinds of stories that involved those sorts of things were either horror themed or superheroes. He hardly expected that Cas was a superhero.

"Shit," he rubbed his face, he was so tired already.

"Yeah, like I said, take it easy 'cause it's a lot to take in. Charlie hasn't been handling it so well either." Dean turned his gaze away when Michael looked up again.

"She's a tough one," he vouched for her despite not fully knowing what she was struggling with. "I've seen her come out of a lot of tough situations, she'll figure this out." Michael wasn't so sure about himself but again, he wouldn't give himself a choice. He had to be alright for Cas' sake. Sure, Castiel didn't recognize him but that didn't mean it'd never happen.

"Right," Dean nodded down the hall, "C'mon, let's get you acquainted with everyone. I don't think you got all their names."

"I didn't," Michael wanted to say he was more interested in sitting down with Cas but after what had just happened outside he figured it wasn't a great idea yet. Watching Cas now, figuring out new habits and seeing what was the same would be his plan for a while. Michael wanted to see how Cas interacted with the others, he wanted to know for himself what was different and what might just be a bit off. But he knew he had to learn the whole story, or at least what Charlie had pieced together. She'd been looking the entire time Cas was missing, she never quit and now here she was catching up and possibly aware of more details than anyone else.

Dean led him to a sitting room; there was an impressive entertainment set up and a bunch of couches. He noted that the style of the men living there clashed hard with how ritzy everything else looked. Charlie smiled at him when he caught her gaze and he gave a small wave in return. He noticed immediately that Cas wasn't present.

The one he now knew as Jet tilted his head back to see who'd entered, his expression started off pissy at best but it lit up pretty quick. "Mikey's come to join us, has he?"

"He wants to be close to Cas, I told him it was okay." Dean had approached and gave his friend a hard pat on the arm. "Mind if we get another key made?"

"Why not?" Jet shrugged, "The more the merrier, right?" He glanced at Sam to make sure it was okay with him too. Michael understood Jet was the intended owner of the estate now but it seemed that Dean and Sam were equally considered.

"Where's Cas?" Dean asked next before Michael had the chance to. He had to smile a little at that.

"Upstairs," the older man said, "Desirae insisted on helping him and naps were the best thing when you feel upset."

Michael sighed and walked over to where Charlie and Garth were sharing a couch. He leaned against the armrest and pinched the bridge of his nose. He felt like there was stress all over his face and crawling through his skin like an insect swarm. It usually burrowed deeper and made his heart stumble or choked out his lungs but this time it'd just make his skin crawl. It was like fighting a tug of war with himself, knowing full well that even if he won he'd wind up face down in the dirt anyway.

"Did Dean tell you some stuff?" Charlie asked tentatively and he nodded.

"I bet it's just the tip of the iceberg and I already have no idea what to do with this information." He dragged his hand down his face and let it drop into his lap.

Charlie was quiet for a bit, Dean was talking to the others and Michael didn't know where to start listening in again. "I have an idea that might sound stupid," Charlie nudged him to get his attention again. "Just watch him for now."

"I was already planning on doing that."

"Yeah but I bet you'll be looking for something while you're at it. I mean just watch him, take him as he is." She smiled in a way that told him she knew what she was talking about, it was coming from experience. "It's not easy, you get lost in all the 'what if's and the 'what caused that' questions. You'll think about how Cas used to be when you knew him before, you'll compare all those things to how he is now and you'll do it forever."

The others were looking at them now but no one else spoke, Michael stood silently and contemplated what she really meant by that. She was right, he would be looking for differences but he wanted to learn from those differences. He wanted to know Castiel again, they were brothers and yet Cas had become a stranger to him, and he was a stranger to Cas. He wanted to fix that.

"It's not fair to him, Michael." Charlie's tone demanded he listen, eyes focused on her. "Cas is Cas no matter what you hear. Many horrible things happened to him, you're going to hear things you don't want to and you're going to be upset. You'll question a lot of shit but this is one thing you need to remember, he's still Castiel. He's your brother and you need to treat him right, not like some damaged animal or a shell of himself."

He swallowed past a growing lump in his throat and he nodded. He'd done a lot of that already, just nodding when he wasn't even sure his head had wrapped around what was happening. Part of him still thought it might be a fever dream, or he'd fallen into a coma of some kind.

"Do you understand?" Charlie asked a little softer this time but no less determined. She'd scream directly into his ear if she had to, he was sure.

"It's a lot to take in," he admitted instead of answering directly. "I want to say I understand but I'm not sure I do. Not yet, anyway."

"You'll get it," Garth reassured him, he wished he could ask Garth's secret for being so well adjusted but he had a feeling it was just a Garth thing. "It's been like an hour, you've got time."

Michael just hummed an acknowledgement of what they were saying.

Just watch him. It sounded easy but Michael was sure there'd be a thousand questions popping into his head every time something new happened. Hell, there were more than enough to keep him occupied already, he didn't need more. But at the same time, maybe watching Cas would help answer some. He'd have to keep his distance though; Cas wasn't a big fan of his presence.

Keeping his distance? From Castiel? Michael wasn't sure if he wanted to laugh or cry at the thought. They'd been so close before, or at least he'd thought so. He thought he lost his little brother, four years ago Castiel had gone missing and Michael had to deal with that. He had to deal with thinking of the very last time they'd spoken. He dealt with realizing he'd never hear Cas talk, sing, or laugh again. He had to deal with the grief of losing a loved one brought on, he always said he'd moved forward and could continue with his life but… Castiel wasn't dead. He'd grieved and obsessed and tried to heal for four years. It never stopped aching whenever he thought of his baby brother, never.

And Castiel wasn't dead. How on earth could he keep his distance?

"I'll try," he said aloud as if it were an answer to anything they'd said. He had to try, drowning before the shore was not an option. Dean said that Cas just wasn't able to connect, and maybe it would never connect again. Maybe it would but only partially. It didn't matter. Michael knew he had to stay, he wouldn't give himself any other choice.


	52. Chapter 52

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been a while since I said thank you for reading this thing. I've noticed new readers popping in and so I'd like to say welcome to the party! Others that have been here for the long haul I really appreciate your constant support. It's been awesome so far and I'm so happy to have even one of you around with me to enjoy this.
> 
> I was asked recently if this mansion was connected somehow to the canon bunker or if it was the bunker etc. and no, it's a completely different building. That'd be kinda cool to have changed the basement to look like that but I wasn't considering that when I started this thing in October 2015. Good idea though, that'd been cool too xD

Dean was pretty sure his heart was still in his throat as he walked up the stairs to his bedroom. Michael was in the house now, Castiel's older brother was present and it felt so odd to finally speak to the man with everything on the table. They'd spilled the beans as best they could, Charlie explained a lot of it and Sam did what she couldn't. He was fully informed with all the tidbits that they had available and Dean wasn't sure that Michael was handling it well.

Not that the older Novak could be blamed for that. Michael was mostly quiet, his eyes staring and once in a while his brow would knit together as thoughts forced their way through. Dean wished he could make it easier, somehow just get Michael to their understanding without having to worry about the pain it'd cause. Life didn't have a fast forward button though, and it certainly didn't rewind.

He pushed the door open quietly, just in case Cas was sleeping. He saw Desirae sitting on the corner of the bed, her head was turned to face Castiel who was lying down but awake. Cas sniffed lightly and his wings fluttered before he sat up abruptly, "Dee?"

"Hey," Dean smiled and walked in, closing the door behind him. "How're you feeling?"

"Tired," Cas admitted but hopped out of bed all the same. He crossed the room to wrap his arms around Dean's shoulders and nuzzle his face against Dean's neck. "I feel bad."

"You shouldn't," Dean held Cas happily; glad to have physical reassurance that Cas relied on him a little bit. "You don't have any control over this stuff."

"I know, but I still feel bad." Cas muttered and Dean knew he wouldn't be able to just take that away.

"Any way I can cheer you up?" He asked and moved back a little to try and see Cas' face.

Anxious eyes met his and it was pretty clear Cas wasn't sure if there was a good way to do that or not. "Can you lie down with me?" he asked after a few moments of silence and Dean nodded.

"Of course," he looked up at Desirae with a sheepish smile, "Mind going back downstairs, Rae?"

She nodded, "Got it," and hopped off the bed. She paused by the door and looked at her hand for a second and then gave Dean a thumb's up, "Cas taught me." She said proudly and ran out.

Dean couldn't help but laugh, "You're a good influence on her."

"Sometimes I wonder," Cas sighed and walked back over to the bed, he dropped onto it and burrowed under the covers. Dean remembered the first time Cas was under a blanket and smiled to himself.

"Remember when you had trouble with that?"

Cas peered up at him and looked down at the fabric that laid over him, his expression was as tired as he said he was but in a few seconds it brightened as Cas giggled. "Yeah," he smiled and pushed the blanket around, "You rescued me."

"One hell of a rescue," Dean moved to the other side of the bed and climbed in. "You were losing to linen."

"It was formidable at the time," Cas snuggled up closer; his wings were folded and tucked under the blanket too. Dean just imagined them spreading out suddenly and sending the blanket flying, it'd be a decent revenge if Cas wanted it.

After another few moments of silence Dean realized just how close they were. Cas' face was about an inch away, his eyes closed peacefully and mouth in a very subtle smile. Dean stared in awe for an amount of time he wasn't keeping track of. Cas' hair was messy as always, it was down on his forehead and sticking out in ways that made Dean realize Cas needed a haircut. Or, at least that's how it looked to him anyway.

Dean reached over and gently brushed the hairs aside and away from Cas' eyes that fluttered open. Castiel studied Dean's face then, he didn't ask questions with words or his expression, just looked. Dean unwittingly did the same, watching the little shifts in Cas' features and how intense Cas' gaze was.

What was Castiel thinking? He could always ask but he felt that would ruin something, he wasn't quite sure what that something was but it was delicate. Dean smiled and almost immediately Cas smiled too, small wrinkles forming by his eyes and a soft laugh bubbling in his throat.

"What?" Cas asked softly and Dean wasn't sure he really had an answer.

"Nothing," he kept a playful tone, "Can I not smile at you?"

Cas' cheeks had a slowly growing blush but he didn't move his gaze from Dean's eyes. "I was just wondering if you smiled for a reason."

"I did," Dean leaned forward a little and brushed the tip of his nose against Cas', "Was just thinking how beautiful you are."

"You think so?" Cas remained still but his eyes said everything else. He wasn't sure it was true; he wasn't sure he understood what it fully meant.

Dean nodded once, swallowed nervously and unconsciously licked his lips. He could feel his heart rate picking up but it wasn't his focus. "You're really attractive, but you're more than that. Every new thing I learn about you just brings me closer, draws me in." He cupped Cas' cheek and tilted his head; their lips were a hair's width apart.

Cas blinked slowly, his eyes fell half-lidded and a hitch in his throat. He waited, breath held and anxious fingers slowly grasping Dean's shirt.

Though Dean wanted to drag that moment out he couldn't wait any more than Cas could. The kiss deepened as soon as Dean started it, Cas sunk into and wrapped his arms around Dean to pull one of them closer. It wasn't clear to either of them who moved, maybe they both had, it didn't matter; they were entangled in each other's arms and it was amazing. Dean lost himself in that kiss, they'd been mouth to mouth before but it wasn't quite the same.

It was as desperate as it was calm, Dean felt how badly they both needed it and wanted it but it didn't feel like they needed to rush it. Passion was the next word that came to mind and Dean got lost in that too. His hands had carefully found their way into Cas' hair at one point, not pulling or tugging or leading, just there to caress. Castiel's leg had caught Dean's hip and slipped over it at another point in time, sliding into place like a puzzle piece.

They didn't stop kissing, it was too comfortable and warm; they just wanted to stay where they were. Cas' arms were strong, his legs were firm, and every muscle in his body was built up and made for power. But at the same time he was gentle and delicate. He coddled Dean as much as Dean cradled him. They held one another up despite lying down and though Dean couldn't wrap his mind around that he didn't care.

Heat grew between them as they rolled over in the sheets, Dean felt like his face was burning up and every trace of Cas' hand left a tingling trail he mistook for fire. Dean was happy to forget where he was or how long he'd been there, he felt Cas' strength as they moved around the bed together. Friction picked up and Dean found himself on top of Castiel, their legs intertwined and grinding against one another. Cas' kisses were bruising but there was something else mixed in.

Dean opened his eyes to look properly, he saw Cas' face was flushed but there was something about his expression that didn't fill Dean with as much confidence as he would've hoped. "You okay?" He asked, bringing everything to a stand still.

Cas paused, his first reaction was to say "I'm fine" but the words came out and his tone didn't match. His mouth pulled tight and he tried to cover that up by kissing Dean again but Dean stopped him.

"Cas," he whispered and carefully held the side of Cas' head, "What's wrong?"

"I'm sorry," Cas muttered and tears welled up in his eyes again, his breathing was swept up in a shaky intake and interrupted by sharp hiccups that came out of nowhere. "I'm sorry," he said again with closed eyes and an expression that seemed to be in more pain than anything else.

"What?" Dean didn't know what to do; he lied down beside Cas and pulled him into a protective hug. "Why're you sorry? You didn't do anything,"

It took a few moments for Cas to collect himself; it wasn't that long but Dean felt like an eternity was dragging by. He gently ran his fingers through Cas' hair and made sure that Cas was supported in his arms. "I'm not ready," Cas breathed a little more evenly but it was still tight, like he was anxious.

Dean felt like he'd just received a punch in the stomach, "Oh Cas… did I push you? I didn't mean to," he shook his head, "God I'm such an idiot, I should've asked-"

"No," Cas cut him off with a hand to the mouth, "No it wasn't you, I wanted… I want you, I really do but I'm not ready."

"You don't need to explain," Dean smiled and kissed Cas' forehead, "You can if you want, but you don't have to."

Cas sighed in relief, his face looked so many shades brighter, "Thanks Dee."

"You're welcome," he nuzzled Cas' cheek like Cas liked to do.

They settled for cuddling and Dean could feel how much Cas had relaxed. His limbs seemed so much looser and his body more dead weight than being as stiff as it was. "You know," Cas said quietly after a short silence, "I thought I was ready, that it'd be easier if we just started…" his fingers wrapped loosely around Dean's shirt again, "But I don't feel like I should yet. I'm worried I'm not myself yet, like it'd be a cheat to sleep with you."

Dean looked at Cas attentively, he could see the little crease in Castiel's forehead and look in his eyes that suggested more was going on up there. "I don't think you're 'not yourself.' I wouldn't feel cheated at all." He offered a reassuring smile that Cas glanced at but looked away from.

"But _I_ feel like I'm not fully there yet, I don't want to cheat myself either."

"Ah," Dean almost laughed at himself, "Good point, it's not all about me."

Cas smiled at him, "There're parts that are about you too, don't sulk."

"Which parts?" Dean kissed Cas' cheek to which Cas responded in kind and kissed him back.

"You deserve my best as much as I deserve yours." He snuggled up close and rested his head against Dean's chest, "I want to make sure I remember it right."

Dean hummed reassuringly and held on to Cas tightly. He had nothing he could add to that, Cas knew better than him what Cas needed. Dean could guess for hours and assume a hundred things at once but that wouldn't mean shit if it didn't actually help Cas in the slightest. "I'm behind you every step of the way, Cas." He kissed the top of Castiel's head and rested there.

"That means a lot,"

"Hey," Dean mumbled into Cas' hair and a soft, questioning grunt was his angel's response. "I know you don't want me to say certain things until you're certain I mean it, but can I ask you something anyway?"

Cas moved away for a bit and looked at Dean properly, there was a gentle glow like he got sometimes when he felt particularly well. "What is it?"

Dean smiled and felt a wave of nervousness before speaking. It never got easier to ask, didn't matter how old he got because at the end of the day he was in love with Castiel and any answer other than yes would cause him to implode. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

Cas' eyes widened and a smile spread in unison, "Are you serious?" He asked with an unintentional squeak.

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes!" Cas burst across the tiny space and had his arms around Dean's abdomen in a split second. It was a surprisingly rough impact for the very little amount of time he had to get that speed. "Yes yes yes yes!"

Dean laughed which was cut off as Cas popped up and kissed him fervently.

"For real?" Cas asked again after pulling away, barely giving Dean time to react. "You mean it? You really want to date me even though I-"

"Yes," it was Dean's turn to interrupt Cas for once; he'd placed his finger to Cas' lips to shush him. "I really want to be your boyfriend, and your best friend and a number of other things I'll have to work my way up to."

Cas was crying again but this time because he was overjoyed more than anything else, possibly a bit overwhelmed with everything else that had happened that day too but Dean was pretty sure he was happy.


	53. Chapter 53

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the support guys, I wouldn't have gotten to chapter 53 without your help :3 
> 
> To the new readers, welcome! To readers who are reading this ages after I've updated and finished the story; I love you too and your support helps me in whatever current endeavors I'm involved in. I've had countless times where a review of an old old old story reminded me of either how far I've come or the things I'm capable of. It always helps, so please don't be afraid to tell me something you're thinking or message me or whatever else. I hope you all have a great day!

_The next day…_

"I don't know…" Dean folded his arms over his chest and stared at Jet's newest contraption. It was a legitimate harness, something a real person might wear and it fit Cas pretty well, there were even additions to make it look like the wings were an attachment of some kind. Dean had no idea how Jet did it, really. He didn't know his best friend had the know-how to do something like that.

"C'mon," Jet urged as he finished fastening everything to Cas' body. It looked legit. "It's awesome, no one would know!"

"You sure?" Dean was skeptical, he had to be. Cas was important to him and there were so many ways this whole thing could go wrong.

"Dude we're students at a college in this city," Jet walked around to where Dean was standing and looked at Cas from that angle. "We could just as easily say we're working on an assignment for a thesis or some shit, show our IDs if we have to and we're golden. Hell, call it a social experiment and film the whole thing."

Dean wasn't sure he had a decent comeback for why it was a bad idea. It just seemed like a bad idea, the whole thing reeked of bad idea, so then why was Jet better at telling him it was a great one? Though it didn't help how excited Cas looked about the whole thing.

Castiel was fussing with the straps though it was due more so to not being used to them than anything else. When he looked up at Dean there was a bright look to his eyes, not in the glowing kind of way but something else. It made him look so alive, so ready to get out there. How could he say no to that face?

"Fine," he finally admitted defeat and Jet punched the air with a resounding 'YES!' before going to high-five Cas. Dean seriously wished he'd had a camera on when Jet was teaching Cas how to do that in the first place; needless to say it resulted in Jet's frustration and being hit in the face at least once.

"Really, Dee? You mean it?" Cas looked at Dean with the biggest smile. Those were similar words he'd used to ask if Dean was serious about dating him. Dean's response was the same; of course he meant it, though he wasn't sure how to bring up that bit of information with the others. He imagined Michael would string him up by his balls first and foremost. Charlie would stare at him skeptically but might trust him, he hoped anyway. Either that or she'd help Michael figure out the best way to torture him without killing him too quickly.

Sam would be disapproving, he was certain of that much. Sam would just stare at him with that bitchy face and say 'Really Dean?' Like it was the most obvious thing in the world to not fall in love with Cas or something. He imagined Jet would be alright with it, seeing as how Jet was the one who treated Cas as straightforwardly as he treated anyone.

"This is gonna be so fun!" Cas cheered and hugged Dean, his cheek nuzzling Dean's in the roughest cuteness he'd ever experienced.

"Yeah, yeah," he laughed, ignoring the scratchy feeling on his face. "What are we even going to do in town?" he asked after kissing Cas' cheek, a move he thought was pretty stealthy but the look Jet gave him said otherwise. Dean wasn't the best liar but when it came to Jet he was transparent as hell.

"Thinking just a drive around town," Sam piped up, he was looking at his phone and had missed it but Dean couldn't shake Jet's gaze and knew that Sam would know any second. He gestured to Jet to keep his mouth shut and got a raised eyebrow as a response, but to his delight Jet didn't say anything.

"That sounds fun," Cas added, unaware of Dean's struggle.

"You'd probably say that about anything," Jet smirked at him and Cas shrugged.

While they stood in the entrance together, neither Dean, Sam, Jet, or Cas noticed Michael's approach until the elder Novak opened his mouth.

"You're going to cram him into a car? Isn't this supposed to be an experiencing stuff kinda thing?"

"Yeah," Dean felt like he had to be the one to answer, after all he was Cas' boyfriend now. Maybe that title was getting to his head? He wasn't sure in what way but he knew it had nestled there regardless. "My car's pretty big so he'll fit fine."

"We'll stop once we get to a nice spot and walk around," Jet clarified, "There's a pretty nice park I was thinking of."

Michael nodded, his arms crossed and his expression neutral. Dean couldn't read him, maybe that was his goal. Though he did look tired, it was the same kind of tired Charlie often had. He hadn't slept his first night in the mansion, which meant he wasn't acquainted with Cas' nightmares yet. That night's nightmare was spent in Cas' cage for the most part, it was dark and cold and majorly uncomfortable. Dean wasn't too affected by it though, mostly because he could feel Cas there and it was somewhat comforting. Castiel didn't speak to him that time but he knew Cas was there, it was enough to get through it. Dean had woken up after everyone else too, he hadn't seen if anyone got stuck that time around but Jet seemed fairly calm that morning so he wasn't too worried.

Cas was kind of avoiding Michael's gaze, almost like they'd had a weird breakup or something. This didn't slip by Michael's notice but he didn't mention it, "So what're you going to do if someone recognizes him?"

Dean opened his mouth to reply but had nothing to really say to that. He looked to Jet and Sam for an answer and they were looking at him for the same. Well shit.

"You remember that he went missing, right?" Michael's voice took on a more condescending tone for that sentence, and though it was annoying Dean couldn't say it wasn't well deserved in this particular case.

"Yeah we remember," Jet's tone was more dangerous than Michael's and Sam quickly raised his hand to shush his boyfriend.

"Down, Jet." He said playfully to which Jet just snapped his jaw like a dog might, unable to hide a smile. "We know Cas was loved by a lot of people," Sam turned to Michael again, "I guess we just figured the main people we'd have to answer to would be you or Charlie. Garth recognized him, which surprised us. I knew we'd need a better answer, I was actually hoping you might be able to help with that."

Michael was taken aback by Sam's comment but it worked in settling him down. He looked away; Dean would've guessed there was a feeling of shame for being a bit of a dick, though maybe that was just his hopeful idealism. "If I went along with you I'd suggest stating he popped up recently with amnesia and leave it at that."

Sam nodded, he knew better than to ask whether or not Michael wanted to come. Cas wasn't comfortable enough with him yet. "Sorry you can't come along, would you feel better if we brought Charlie?"

Michael smiled; it was small but still there. Dean could see clearer that Michael was really tired. "Actually, I would. Thank you Sam."

"Of course," Sam looked at the others, "I'll go get her, be right back."

"Do you know where she is?" Jet furrowed his brow and Sam scoffed at him.

"Where else? She's always in the basement."

With that Sam walked off and Dean was left with the other two, plus Cas who was still very intrigued with the harness set up. Michael looked it over and pursed his lips but kept silent. His expression remained pretty much the same and Dean could tell it was slowly getting on Jet's nerves. Dean knew that Jet wasn't the best crafter but whenever he did something creative he always demanded praise for it; mostly though he just didn't take criticism well in that regard. The longer Michael stood looking without speaking the more Jet's jimmies were rustled.

"You like it?" Jet finally asked after another few seconds of silence, Dean tried not to laugh at the barely hidden bitchiness in his voice.

Michael shrugged; an action that could've set off a nuke in Jet if he hadn't followed with "It's pretty cool, actually."

"Yeah?" his friend's tone did a 180 and Dean had to snort back a laugh.

"Yeah, I'm guessing the idea behind it is pretending his wings are actually fake?"

"Yep," Jet regained his aloof-cool tone and Dean had to take a short walk away while Michael got the run-down about how the thing was made. Cas followed him, trotting along the grass with no shoes and reminding Dean that he needed to get those at some point.

"You okay, Dee?"

"I'm good," he smiled and put his arm around Cas' waist. He didn't really care that much if the others found out, they would anyway and it wasn't worth Cas' feelings to try and hide it to make sure he wouldn't get beat up. "You're sure you want to go to town? I know it was your idea but you don't have to if you don't want to."

"I want to," Cas snuggled up close, he wrapped his arms around Dean's shoulders and was close enough that their stomachs were touching. Dean wished he could focus on anything else but Cas was so warm and he felt his face was starting to burn a little. Castiel looked at him, holding eye contact for several silent seconds until all Dean could hear was his own heartbeat. "Are you okay with me going?"

Dean stuttered first and shook his head to try and rid himself of his stumbling, "Yeah, yeah I'm fine with you going. You can do whatever you want Cas, I just… I want to keep you safe."

"You promised you would," Cas smiled and Dean felt like it had more meaning than just a shallow expression. It looked deeper, more conscious and Dean wished he could figure out what Cas' mind was made of to make it through so much crap and still be so beautiful. "Do you think maybe it's too much work?"

"To protect you? Never."

"Even if I cause the trouble myself?"

Dean kissed him without hesitation, loving how Cas fell right into it. They held each other like that for an amount of time Dean didn't count; when he pulled away he ghosted his fingers over Cas' cheek. "You could cause as much trouble as you wanted, I'd still be there to protect you. You couldn't stop me."

"I wouldn't want to," Cas kissed him back and then buried his face in the crook of Dean's neck. "I love you,"

"I know," Dean knew the rules, even if the words burned at that back of his tongue waiting to roll out he wouldn't let it. Not until Cas would believe him.

Cas let a purring sound escape him, recognition of Dean's verbal struggle and appreciation at the same time. "You're amazing."

Dean laughed a little, "Yeah, I wish I was half as awesome as you." He dared look over to where Jet was talking to Michael and realized his friend had Michael's back facing their little display. Michael hadn't seen them kissing or anything. He owed Jet a few more cupcakes at the very least for that.

Dean and Cas rejoined the others when Sam walked out with Charlie in tow, "I am so ready!" Charlie beamed at them, like she'd been waiting to reintroduce Cas to society for ages. "Let's do this!"

"Yeah!" Cas joined in with her energy and hugged her.

Sam looked over at Jet, "So… is Desirae coming with?"

"No," Jet shook his head and glanced up at the mansion, "not yet, I don't have a clever explanation just yet."

Cas looked back and forth from Sam to Jet for a moment and Dean watched his wings slowly droop, "So she can't go?"

"One at a time," Jet smiled at him, "It's your turn first, she can wait."

Cas glanced at Dean and for a moment he felt like he should've had all the answers. He tried to smile convincingly and nodded as confidently as he could, "It's okay, she'll get her chance later."

That seemed to do the trick, Cas' wings perked up again and he was antsy all over again about the trip.

Sam bit at the inside of his cheek and looked at his boyfriend again, "You think one of us should stay here with her?"

Jet pouted, "But Cas is gonna get to go to town!"

"Yeah!" Cas cheered again.

"Right," Sam smiled at Cas who clamped onto Dean and started tugging, "But you sure she'll be okay here by herself? She came out with more memories than Cas but she's just a kid, and-"

"Okay, okay," Jet raised his hands, "I'll stay here, but Dean you better record some of that so I can see it later."

"You got it, man."

Sam kissed Jet's cheek, "Thanks, babe."

"Yeah, yeah," Jet stole a kiss on the lips, his lips pulled up in a grin, "I'm still a little grumpy about it though."

"Aww," Cas pouted a bit and went over to hug Jet, "thank you, Chet."

Jet hugged him back, that little tinge of bitterness fading, "You're welcome, buddy. Have fun, okay?"

"I will," Cas smiled brightly at him, and then paused to look at Michael.

There was another awkward silence where Dean could swear he saw Michael's heart tearing slowly in half. But Cas' brother smiled tiredly and gave a small wave without stepping forward. Not that he didn't want to; there was a small sway in his legs that indicated the thought as well as the thinking better of it.

Charlie cleared her throat gently, "Shall we then?"

"Yeah," Dean took Cas' hand, leading his boyfriend happily though he couldn't help a small glance back at Michael and Jet.

"Don't worry," Jet said without provocation, a very subtle nod toward Michael that Dean barely caught but knew meant 'I've got him.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was saying Cas is going to town for this chapter and I decided that there was more set up needed to make that happen than just 'they're in town now!' So here it is, next chapter will have the first part of Cas' trip into the real world again :D


	54. Chapter 54

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEEEEEAAAAHHHH!!! Take that you piece of shit chapter!! I finished you! You couldn't beat me for long you motherfucker! D:
> 
> I had a very difficult time writing this one; if you guys have any ideas on what you want to see Cas do in the city let me know please

The car was unsurprisingly cramped with Cas' wings. Sam and Dean took up the front seat, being the two biggest people in the vehicle and all, while Charlie hung out in the back with Castiel. She sat close to the window while Cas had shifted with his back almost entirely facing her. He was enraptured by the view, sure he'd gone flying more than once but it was still amazing to be inside of a car and going at those speeds.

Dean was glad. He loved how Cas appreciated the car, the drive, the view, the sounds, whatever. He just loved listening to how excited his boyfriend was.

Car rides were a different thing that Dean hadn't really planned for. He was glad that Sam had the foresight to put Cas in the back; every now and then he heard Charlie's muffled protests against Cas' sudden winged energy bursts. He probably would've gotten them killed if it were him getting hit while he drove.

Cas had made little chirping noises like he'd done in the past and it still made Dean smile. He couldn't help it; it reminded him of how he met Cas and how affectionate Cas had become over such a short period of time. Not that he liked all the things that led to that point, but he couldn't deny how glad he was that it happened at all.

He wondered for a moment if Cas might be embarrassed by those noises, or if he'd feel weird about the whole thing at all. He didn't want to ask though, just in case Cas started to think that maybe he _should_ be and completely destroy what Dean meant to convey. He didn't want Cas to feel bad about anything that had happened to him, or about what he became after all was said and done. He could feel that kind of crisis coming, Cas had already shouted 'I'm not Castiel' once and Dean knew that the rest of that meltdown was coming eventually.

The landscape flew by, Cas enjoyed seeing rural areas but as the buildings grew in size and more people were on the sidewalks he became speechless. Dean glanced at the rearview mirror for a second, Cas' eyes were still wide, his mouth slightly open and that was it. Cas was watching with such intensity and awe that Dean couldn't imagine waiting any longer to bring him to the public. Why had they taken this long already in the first place? Part of it was because Jet hadn't made a harness set up yet, a bigger part was probably because Cas wasn't ready for that sort of thing.

With the amount of progress that Castiel had made Dean found himself forgetting where it all started. Cas could speak now, it was getting better but he was still far slower than anyone else. It was obvious he still had an impediment; Dean wondered how they'd explain that to anyone if they asked. He was pretty sure no one would ask but he couldn't count on people not being rude on purpose or by accident.

Cas had been quiet for several blocks. "You doing okay, Cas?" Dean asked with a smile and peeked up again when he had an opportunity.

"There are so many people," Cas whispered, it was like he couldn't quite get his voice to be any louder, like he'd startle the people if he did. Maybe he was worried about alerting them to his presence? Dean wasn't really sure. "Are they all nice?"

"Some are, some aren't." Sam answered as he turned around to look at the two in the back, "but don't worry so much about that, we're here so you'll be fine."

Cas nodded though he didn't seem entirely convinced, Dean suspected saying it over and over again wouldn't help, Cas needed to see it. "What were my favourite places?" He asked Charlie with so much excitement in his voice that it was hard not to feel it too.

She smiled and looked out the window at their hometown, "Well, you had favourite coffee places, you loved shopping at the mall –any mall, it didn't matter- and you loved hanging out at one of our places."

"What do we do first?" Sam furrowed his brow and glanced at Dean as if the older Winchester would have some kind plan.

"I don't know," Dean shrugged and kept his eyes on the road to avoid Sam's gaze among other things. "I didn't plan this out, it was kinda Jet's thing."

"Well we don't need to stay out all day," Charlie was more in control now than Dean had seen her thus far. She looked like she might actually have a good time. "Let's go to a few places Cas might recognize and go from there, sound good?"

"Lead the way," Dean called out, he had no idea what Cas' favourite places might be so Charlie was navigator by default.

"Should we start small?" Sam was nervous; Dean knew that a thousand things must've been going through Sam's head because they went through his own too. There wasn't a lot to do about it until they ran into those scenarios though, so he tried not to think about it. Maybe Sam would figure that out too.

"What would be small, exactly?" Dean glanced at him, "Nowhere is small in this case, so let's just pick a spot and run with it. Maybe we can get some food or something."

"I could eat," Charlie added and pointed ahead, "Take that next right, I know a great spot."

Dean followed everything Charlie demanded and they wound up on a side-street, parallel parked with other cars just barely out of everyone else's way. There were small stores as well as residential housing all around, definitely a place locals would know better than anyone else. "What do they serve?" Sam asked as he leaned to get a better view of the little corner-store restaurant set up across the street.

"It's a mom and pop kinda place," Charlie climbed out of the car first, setting the example for the rest. "They got all kinds though Cas' favourite was their dessert crepe selection."

Castiel clambered out, his wings stretched and he took a deep breath, like air was different there or something. "It smells weird." He said immediately and Dean tried not to laugh.

"Cities smell different, but we're not that far away from the mansion."

"Still smells weird."

"I'll take your word for it," Dean put his arm around Cas' waist and led him toward the building after Charlie. Sam was on his other side but didn't make any sort of reaction to it, probably because Dean and Cas were practically glued at the hip most of the time anyway. Dean tried not to imagine all the different ways Sam would look at him disapprovingly.

Dean noticed right away that the street was mostly empty, there were a few people blocks away but they hadn't turned around. No one had noticed Castiel just yet. Dean had no idea how it would go when someone did but he kept his fingers crossed it'd go well. Part of him wished Jet really had come along because he was their spokesperson and was swifter to a lie than either Dean or Sam. Charlie was a mystery in that regard, though Dean did recall Jet saying she was a liar too.

As Charlie walked in the front door and greeted an older couple with a pleasant "Good afternoon Mr. and Mrs. Milton!" Dean started to realize why going to Cas' favourite spots would be a bad idea. He did notice that there was a lull in the restaurant, it was small and at that time no one was inside but the owners. Dean breathed a small sigh of relief, just two people to explain anything to. 

"Is that Charlie Bradbury?" The woman asked with bright eyes, "I haven't seen you in ages, how have you been child?"

"Lately I've been pretty good," she moved to hug them, "How's Anna? Still hitting it off in Hollywood?"

"She's with her brother on some show," Mr. Milton waved it off, "I don't watch it, too flashy."

"I do and they're amazing," Mrs. Milton jumped right back in to cover for her scrooge of a husband. "What can I get you dear-" her words were lost when she spotted the blue-eyed boy with wings on his back. "Castiel Novak?"

Dean recognized her expression from Charlie's face, Garth's, and of course Michael's. It was like they were seeing a ghost or some sort of figment of their imagination, regardless they never believed 100% that Castiel really stood in front of them. Not to mention he had strange appendages. Dean watched them look at the wings but decide to themselves that Castiel's mere presence was more than enough to question at that moment.

"Uh," Cas waved a little, somewhat shy as he stepped subtly behind Dean, "Hi."

"Yeah, that's Cas," Charlie smiled at them though Dean could see a twinge of pain in her face. It wasn't easy to get past the things that happened, not to mention she didn't exactly give her research much of a break most of the time.

"Where were you?" the couples' question made Cas anxious, Dean felt his angel's grip on his arm as more time passed without an answer.

"It's a long story," Charlie started in before Cas could freak out. "A lot happened, we'd actually appreciate it if you don't ask him too many questions." She was straightforward but gentle and it seemed to work, the Miltons were concerned but they agreed to keep their noses out of it.

"You'll have to tell me someday," Mrs. Milton told Charlie who nodded.

"Of course, maybe Cas will when he's ready." She looked up at the menu next and nodded like she'd seen it a thousand times, Dean was willing to bet that she had. "Cas and I will have our usual."

"What's my usual?" Cas asked with a tilt of his head that was cute enough Dean wanted to smother him with kisses right there.

"The 'Fruitella,'" she explained as she handed over the cash for the two of them before Dean could even argue. "It's a crepe with Nutella and strawberries or bananas, in your case usually bananas."

"Sounds good?" Cas said as more of a question as he glanced at Dean helplessly.

"Yeah," Dean laughed a little, "it'll be good, don't worry." He couldn't help but smile when Cas did and made no move to stop Cas' incoming kiss. It was short; Cas had full control over it and was far more social friendly than a lick on the mouth. Sam showed no signs of any reaction other than a slight shift upward in his brow. Though, to be fair that change was probably more a response to Dean looking his way to check his reaction.

After the two Winchesters ordered and paid Charlie insisted they sit down while she and Cas catch up with the Miltons. Dean gauged Cas' comfort level, his boyfriend didn't seem to be upset by it so he agreed and went to sit.

"So far so good," Sam said as he dropped into a chair that looked a little small for him. In fact the entire place seemed to be made for more average sized folks, even Dean felt a little big for it.

"Yeah," he was watching the two at the counter, the owners looked at Cas' wings and asked about it. Dean overheard what they were saying, it wasn't a very big shop. 

"So... what's with the angel get-up?" Mr. Milton asked despite his wife trying to tell him to leave it be with not-so-subtle gestures.

"Oh," Charlie looked back at the harness, casual like Jet would've been which made Dean feel a little better about the whole scenario. "Well it's kind of an experiment, Sam and Dean over there are college students that Cas is helping out."

"And the wings are-"

"Animatronic, Sam's an engineering genius," Charlie grinned and looked at Cas' back, "They're pretty cool, right?"

"They're very heavy," Cas added, starting to feel a little better about standing there though still clearly uncomfortable. From what Dean could tell they Miltons bought it and didn't push questions any further, just commented on how cool college seemed to be getting for young folks, as well as 'no wonder tuition is so high, those things look pretty real.' 

"Yeah so far it's alright." Dean continued and turned back to Sam, "How're you doing?"

"Decent," Sam sighed and slumped back in his chair, "I'm just a little tired, that's all."

"Doing all your school work from home now, huh?" Dean raised an eyebrow and Sam nodded.

"Yeah, Bobby helped me set it up. My teachers wear audio recording gear and they email me that along with general notes taken. Oh, and the assignments of course."

Dean nodded, "Well you're almost done, I'm glad Bobby could swing that for you."

"He is my legal guardian," Sam smiled, "and a pretty good liar when he wants to be."

"Bobby rocks, we should give him a present or something some time."

"Wonder how long he's staying," Sam's brow creased, "I mean, he hasn't mentioned leaving but I don't know if he wants to move in."

"Yeah…" Dean didn't want to think about it, so mostly he hadn't been. "I guess we haven't been giving him a lot of attention either."

"He's not a pet, Bobby can get attention when he wants it."

"Shut up, that's not what I meant."

Charlie placed their two crepes in front of them, "Enjoy," she seemed to be in her element, like things were going right for once. Dean didn't want to take that away from her, and though he missed Jet's ridiculous presence he was glad that they switched. Charlie needed this as much as Cas did.

They all dug into their treats and Dean didn't even have enough time to count down from ten before Cas' face was covered in Nutella. "You and chocolate," he snickered and tried to wipe it away with a napkin.

"It's awesome," Cas didn't care about Dean's doting so much, he was so enthralled with the amazingness on his taste buds. "I love it,"

Dean tried not to laugh as Cas attempted to stuff it into his mouth while being cleaned, he was clearly aware of his surroundings as he stared at Dean adamantly. "Alright, I'll just do it when you're finished." Dean relented and backed off before he got a growled warning.

"Did you guys come here a lot?" Sam asked Charlie as he picked as his food.

"We did, went to school with their daughter too. Anna was a great actor, awesome at improv stuff." She was looking at her water as if in a daydream, a sweet smile on her lips as she recalled the times she'd spent there. "Cas loved her humour, and this place was one of his favourite spots to stop on his way home. If he had spare change he'd be in here eating crepes and talking for hours."

Cas had slowed his pace and stopped completely, his eyes were on Charlie but Dean didn't see any recognition in them, just misery. He still couldn't remember and it tore him apart.

"It's okay," Dean whispered to him and this time Cas shook his head.

"It isn't," he clenched his fists and lowered his head, "I don't know any of the things that Charlie remembers, or what Michael knows. I don't know the memories that should make me Castiel." He looked up and wiped his mouth, an attempt at appearing serious though his eyes did the job for him. He was looking at Charlie who was as concerned as Dean or Sam, her gaze held Cas' for a moment until he spoke again, "For them… I might as well be dead."

"That isn't true!" Charlie shouted and slammed her hands down on the table startling everyone present. She wasn't crying but her cheeks were red and her expression pulled tight in anger, "I don't care how you've changed, I don't care if you never remember anything about this town or past shit. You're still Castiel to me, you're still my best friend."

Cas was shaking as he stared at her, he was speechless as her expression softened and she took his hand in hers.

"If you never remember the old stuff then so be it, the past is the past. What matters to me now is making new memories with you, Cas."

He took a shaky breath; Dean placed a supportive hand on his shoulder to help steady him. "Are you sure?" he asked softly and Charlie choked on a sad laugh.

"Of course," she squeezed tight, "You are so important, Cas. I'm never letting you go again, I swear."

Cas nodded as tears fell down his face and an attempt at stifling a sob failed, he wiped his eyes though it didn't help and he looked up at her with the most hopeful look. "Can I have a hug?"

Charlie moved around the table to his side as Dean made room for her and grabbed hold of Castiel.

The Miltons didn't ask questions for the rest of their stay in the restaurant but they looked on with concern and curiosity burning. Dean moved to the corner of the small table to let Charlie sit next to Cas while also being next to Cas. He held his boyfriend's hand when he could; making sure Cas knew he was there without another word spoken. Sam smiled and reassured Cas with the simplest expressions, Dean was a bit jealous of his brother's talent for that.

Though the rest of their meal was quiet Dean could feel tension lifting away, he could tell that Cas was feeling better by the second. He hated to admit it to himself but he had to acknowledge that sometimes Cas' problems weren't always solvable just between the two of them. Sometimes he'd have to let another person step in, Dean couldn't be Cas' only savior and/or hero.

The more he thought about it, though, the more he liked it. Cas had a strong team of defenders, which meant that if Dean wasn't immediately available there were several others who could assist. That didn't make him any less important, he'd tell himself as a reminder. Being needed was good but stifling Cas until he was the only person Cas could rely on was a little messed up.


	55. Chapter 55

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is what happens when I decide that fighting the chapter isn't a good way to write it. Hope you all enjoy, give me some suggestions of anything you'd like to see them do in town if you got 'em :D

"The food was amazing," Cas chimed as they walked out of the little shop, his wings curling just enough to fit through the door and continue onward.

"Sure was," Dean smiled and ruffled Cas' hair, "But you gotta watch those wings,"

Cas blinked incredulously and looked back, "What? What'd I do?"

"You move them like a normal appendage, they're supposed to be fake so you gotta move 'em like they're fake."

"Oh," Cas' expression suddenly grew serious and he focused hard as he moved one wing as mechanically as he could, "Like that?"

"Better," Charlie added and walked up to Cas' side, "But maybe you should move them both the same way at the same time? They're hooked up the same so I don't think it's advanced enough to move them separately."

"Okay," Cas nodded determinedly and moved them both together, stiffly and as unnaturally as he could possibly think to do it. "Good?"

"Good enough," Sam smiled and waved a little, "C'mon, since we're parked let's take a walk."

"You sure?" Dean looked at him anxiously and watched as Sam rolled his eyes, a good hint he was being over protective again. "Okay, okay, let's go." He gave in before anything could be said about it.

The first thing Dean realized about deciding to just walk down the street was that Cas should've been wearing shoes. Their whole lie seemed all the more odd just because he wasn't wearing any. The second thing he realized was that the lie might not be all that strong if they were questioned by someone who actually knew anything on the subject. He made a note to stay away from Universities and the like, just in case.

People were staring as they stepped off the quiet side street and onto a main roadway. The sidewalks had people all over them; it was a Saturday so Dean wasn't quite sure why he was so surprised by this.

It was immediate, there were so many gazes on their group as soon as Castiel came into view and the reality of what was on his back became more obvious. Cas looked around and noticed this too, he looked to Dean who wanted to be reassuring above anything, so he smiled. It seemed to do well; Cas smiled back and kept that air of cautious optimism about him. Maybe it'd be okay, with enough confidence they could swing this thing. Dean tried to take a page from Cas' book and did his best to look more at ease with their situation.

And then of course there were the nosy people, "What's with the wings?" A guy asked, his eyes were hidden behind a pair of dark sunglasses but his douchey grin said enough for the rest of his face.

"It's an experiment-"

"Looks fuckin' fake as hell," the guy cut Dean off as he'd started to explain, leaving his expression flat and unimpressed.

Cas furrowed his brow, "Really?" he asked with more sass than Dean had expected. "You think you could make better?" The only thing that stole power from Cas' tone was the fact that he wasn't up to speed just yet. He was still cautious with what he said and he was still pausing more than most people would. But to Dean it was pretty awesome all the same.

"Doesn't matter, they still look stupid." The guy continued on his way, his opinion was clearly so important that he had to stop and give it before getting to wherever he needed to be. Dean flipped him off just for good measure.

"Dean," Sam had that warning tone that Dean hated.

"What? The guy's an ass, it's not like I punched him or something."

Cas put his middle finger too, "What does it mean?"

"It means 'fuck you,'" Dean reached over and gently lowered Cas' hand, "So, you know, don't do that."

"Hm," Cas lifted his hand again to look at his finger as if it had done something completely new. "I didn't know that,"

"Yep," Dean repeated the motion of lowering Cas' hand again, "So where to, Sammy?"

"Anywhere, let's look around." Sam smiled reassuringly and started down the street.

Cas followed and looked around them as he walked, "It's so different," he whispered just before walking into a stroller. It was more like stubbing his toe on it but it still pissed off the mother.

"Watch where you're walking, freak!" She snapped before getting back to her phone call.

Instinctively Cas' wings curled inward again and he tried to be smaller, "Sorry," he hunched up his shoulders and shuffled forward while trying to pay more attention to the others around him.

"Don't worry about it, Cas." Dean rubbed his shoulder, "She wasn't paying attention either, it's her problem."

"I should've looked," Cas rubbed his face tiredly, a gesture he'd picked up by watching his favourite people thus far. "Everything here is so loud, I'm getting a headache."

Dean raised his eyebrows, "Oh shit," he'd completely forgotten that Cas' senses were enhanced. "Yeah that makes sense… maybe we can get you some headphones or something to drown it out?" He remembered Cas mentioning the city smelled funny, it must've been stronger when inside the city than being on the outskirts.

It became more obvious to him now that the street was full of vehicles, some were pretty quiet for cars but that wasn't always the case. Large semis drove by, roaring down the road like some kind of beast attacking Cas' hearing. People were talking; there was construction several blocks up, the sound of cross-walks and traffic lights. He couldn't keep track of all the things he was hearing that he took for granted or just ignored.

"So we're going shopping then?" Charlie smiled and Dean nodded.

"Yeah, shoes and big headphones to cover his ears."

"Excuse me," a few young women approached them with wide eyes, "We saw those wings from across the street, what's going on?"

"Oh," Dean looked at Cas who was agitatedly covering his ears. "Well we're working on an experiment and testing an invention."

"That's so cool," one of the girls slipped past Dean and Charlie to get close to Cas. "They look so real, can I touch them?"

"Probably not a good idea," Charlie said quickly, moving to stand next to the girl to keep an eye on her.

"Oh, are they fragile?"

"Sort of," Sam joined in, "we put them together on him and it took forever, so we'd really appreciate it if you didn't tug on them."

"They're so big, how do they stay on?" The girl looked at the harness, she was so close and Cas was watching her very carefully. Dean noticed after a few seconds that he was holding his breath and tried to let it out slowly and subtly. "This is sooo cool!" the girl was excited and astounded but not all of her friends agreed.

"Are no shoes part of the experiment?" A girl with dark eyes and highly stylized make-up asked, her expression was skeptical at best.

"No," Dean scratched the back of his head nervously, "he lost them before coming out here."

The girl didn't question it further but she still wasn't all that impressed. Her eyes drifted to Cas' shirt and the base of the wings where they were wrapped up. The initial idea was to hide the fact that they were actually physically attached, it did a decent job to anyone passing by but Dean didn't want them taking closer looks.

He had to wonder though, how long could they keep that up? People would talk about Castiel's wings and if he ever went to town again some might start to recognize him and then what? They couldn't be doing an experiment that long, it didn't make sense. They would actually have to find a way to out Castiel's existence and deal with the repercussions after, though maybe waiting until he was all there was a good idea?

"Can I get a picture?" The excited one asked and both Sam and Charlie looked to one another before turning to Dean.

"Uh, sure?" he was certain it'd come back to bite him later, but it might also make a good start to letting Cas' reality out into the world. "Cas, if you're okay with it?"

"It's fine," Castiel looked at the girl, "What should I do?"

"Just smile," she got close to him and posed, looking at her friends, "Could you guys take it?"

It happened fast, there were a few pictures taken and it seemed okay. People were still walking by and staring at them, Dean could hear them once in a while saying stuff like 'weird' or 'what?' or 'wow' and so on. He couldn't pay attention to all of them though; he was too focused on Cas and what those photos could possibly do to their current scenario. He couldn't remember if Cas understood what seeing his own picture did to him, not to mention he didn't even know if it would still do that since Cas was more mentally present.

All Dean knew was that he couldn't let Cas see those pictures and one of the first reactions to taking a photo is to show the people involved. He grabbed onto Cas as soon as the pictures were done and looked at the girls, "Well we gotta get going, this experiment's not gonna get off the ground if we just stand here. Have a good day, ladies."

"Thanks, you too!" The excitable one waved and went right to look at the pictures her friends took. Dean heard a less-than-subtle exclamation about how cute Cas was and held just a little bit tighter, Cas was taken, thank you very much.

"I wanted to see," Cas pouted and all three of his friends shook their heads.

"Not a good idea," Sam said quickly and Charlie was right along with him.

"Probably better if you don't, Cas." She smiled and punched his shoulder playfully, "You kinda mistake your picture for a clone and freak out."

Dean would've been a little less forward with that but Cas seemed to take it pretty well, "Oh… makes sense. Thanks, Dee." He leaned over and kissed Dean's cheek.

"You're welcome," he barely managed to say before someone made a noise of disgust.

"Goddamn queers! Keep that shit indoors!"

"What was that?" Charlie snapped first at the guy, a construction worker from down the block getting his coffee fix by the look of him.

"I said keep that gay shit in your own home." He didn't look like he planned on backing down and his gaze moved from Charlie to Dean and Cas, "What? Too fuckin' girly you gotta let her fight for you?"

"Bring it, bitch." Charlie stormed forward but Sam caught her arm and held her back.

"Wait-"

"Let me go, I'm gonna kick his ass!"

"And get charged with assault," Sam dragged her back with a lot more effort than Dean would've thought he needed. "Just let it go."

"Nuh-uh," she slipped out of her jacket and took a running start before taekwondo kicking the guy right in the gut. The dick had no idea what was coming and didn't expect it to do any damage so he didn't even try to move. He dropped his coffee and hit his knees with an exasperated groan.

Sam pushed his hand through his hair and pulled it back with an exhausted sigh, "It's like we _did_ bring Jet with…"

Dean laughed, "Yeah, but you gotta remember that Charlie and Cas did the whole 'defending the lgbt' people in school. I guess old habits die hard." He looked over to see a few people high-fiving Charlie for standing up to a bigot.

"Why did he say that?" Cas frowned, his gaze lingering on the construction worker who was slinking off after seeing the number of people on Charlie's side. Dean noticed a slight glow in Cas' eyes and felt a small wave of panic though he had no idea what to do with it.

"You, uh, remember when we watched that show a while back? Where one guy had a dream about kissing another guy and said it was a horrible nightmare?"

"Oh," Cas' eyes calmed down though his face did brighten a bit, "Yeah, I remember. So this is what that can be like in person?"

"Yeah," Dean took his hand and gave it a firm squeeze, "But don't worry about it, you can't please everyone so just be you."

"I'm trying," Cas stepped close to Dean's side and nuzzled his cheek, unconsciously doing the thing he always did and curved a wing around Dean's side. There was a soft 'oooh' from the many people who were already looking at them.

"Are those _real_!?" An older fellow adjusted his glasses as he gawked.

"They move!" A kid squealed and urged his mom to go closer and touch them.

"Can't be real, must be animatronic or something."

"That's pretty wicked, how d'you think they work?"

"Look, they even drop feathers!"

"Yeah, I picked up a feather back there, I think it's real."

"No way, you serious?"

More and more people were talking at once and the ones who bothered to be invested in a strange phenomenon got closer and spoke louder. Dean felt his eye twitch and he looked at the others, "Should we walk somewhere else maybe?"

"Yeah let's get back to the car." Sam agreed and started leading the way back, moving people out of the way when necessary. "Excuse us please, I'm sorry, pardon me,"

Charlie and Dean stuck to either of Cas' sides and escorted him along. The small crowd called after them, even followed while trying to get answers but Dean didn't let Cas stop to try and reply. "Just go, Cas." He urged as he dragged his boyfriend along.

"Why? Is it so bad that they know?" He asked and Dean felt the weight of that question.

"No," he looked at Cas' curious eyes, knowing full well that the wrong answer could be damaging. "It's not bad that they know, I want them to know eventually but I don't think now is the right time."

Castiel looked at him intensely, that same gaze that felt like it was piercing at its weakest and made Dean feel weak. "Okay," he nodded and held Dean's hand tighter, "I trust you, Dee."

"Thanks, Cas." Dean let himself be relieved and show it a little but he couldn't let that moment linger. They ran back up the little bit of sidewalk they'd wandered down and hurried along the side street with several people in tow. The car was a safe place, people couldn't get at them in there but when Cas climbed back in it was pretty clear that his wings were functional. Dean backed up and as soon as he had space he tore out of there.

"You just know that's going to be online," Sam tried not to laugh but it bubbled in his voice all the same.

"You think it'll be like the Men in Black and we'll get flashed or something?" Dean asked playfully but he couldn't deny that he actually was pretty worried about that. Not the Men in Black but government type people, like Area-51 dudes or something. He wasn't really familiar with how that worked, maybe they'd be more interested in the fact that their mansion had a crazy basement. He had no idea; all he knew was that he wasn't going to let anyone lock Cas away ever again.

"I'd venture to say that was a success," Charlie nodded and Dean wasn't sure if she was serious or not.

"I don't want to go home yet," Cas leaned forward from the back, his eyes still on Dean. "I barely got to see anything, can we please stay?"

"Of course we're staying," Dean smiled back at him, "We'll just have to… figure out how to deal with this."

"Big jacket?" Sam shrugged and Dean stopped right before telling him to shut up.

"You know what? We might as well try it."

"Don't tell Jet, he'll be devastated." Sam said, his way of agreeing. With that Dean drove off to find the first thrift shop to get Cas a big creepy coat. Better to be seen as a hunchback than anything else at that point.


	56. Chapter 56

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So much excitement for a coat xD

Castiel stared out the window as they slowed to a stop between other vehicles, his ears hurt but he was starting to get used to the sounds around him. It was so different from the lab and the mansion, he was used to those noises and knew what to tune out but these were so new. He tried to hear them all, mixed them up and focused too hard on things that were useless to him. His head was aching but he'd grown used to that sort of thing as well, having better hearing sometimes led to that and he was okay with it. Dean seemed to be aware now, for at least a little while anyway. Cas felt a little bad for making Dean worry, but he was so happy to be out of the house that it was outweighed.

"Ready?" Dean looked back at him; Dean had a little bit of nervousness about him ever since they'd left the mansion. Cas knew it was because Dean cared about him but he wished Dean could relax a little.

"I think so," he smiled and opened the door again. Using handles was challenging at first but he'd figured it out; he was extremely grateful no one had noticed his struggles earlier.

Dean and the others were heading for one of the buildings now but Cas was a little distracted by the way all the vehicles were lined up. He wished he could just look at it from above because it seemed so cool. They all parked within those lines, like there was a rule about it and they all just did it –aside from a few people apparently. Cas wondered what the penalty was if you didn't follow the rules. Did they lose their car? Maybe they wouldn't be allowed to go to that place ever again?

"Cas," Dean called from the door, "C'mon, let's go!"

"Sorry, coming!" Cas hurried after them and paused a little to try and focus on keeping his wings still. He made it in without incident and followed after Dean. Entering the store was an experience all its own. The ceiling was high with many lights that hurt his eyes, the room was completely open and there were things everywhere. He couldn't really believe it but at the same time it felt somewhat familiar. That feeling was vague and faded fast, but he noticed it all the same.

There were a few people inside, most kept to themselves, they hadn't looked up at the new people walking in though the clerks did.

"Social experiment," he heard Sam say and let that noise drift away as he let himself stare at the wide open room. It smelled different, maybe dusty. The floor was concrete like the side walk but smoother, there was the sound of large fans going and big vents in the ceiling above. The word warehouse came to mind though he wasn't sure why. It was so cool.

When he caught up to Dean he knew he had ask about the vehicles outside. Dean loved cars, he'd definitely know. "Why are all the cars like that?"

"Like what?" Dean looked at him with genuine confusion, Cas was a little disappointed. "Like, metal? Or why are they shaped like that or-"

"No, no, why are they all stopped in those lines?"

"Ohhh," Dean clapped as he caught on to what Cas was saying, as if Cas hadn't just explained it to him and he'd discovered it on his own. "Right, yeah that's because it's a parking lot. All the cars park in those lines so everyone can leave easily and we can fit as many cars in the lot as possible."

"Who paints them?"

"The city,"

Cas' eyes widened, "The city paints itself? That's amazing! How does-"

"No," Dean covered his mouth to stunt his excitement, "No, not what I meant. I mean that there are people in charge of stuff like that and they're paid by the city."

"The city pays people?"

"In a way, but that's not why there are painted lines." Sam cut in and Dean looked more relieved than Cas thought he should be. He expected Dean to know but it was about more than just cars, so he supposed it made sense that Sam would know more. "Every city has a small government, a group of people whose jobs it is to make sure everything within the city runs smoothly. One of the small parts of this is making sure that the roads and parking lots have the right lines."

"Can we not explain government right now?" Dean asked drearily and Cas moved to nuzzle him. He liked the way Dean smiled whenever he did that, this time was no different. It was like the sun had just risen on Dean's face, as beautiful as the sky at dawn. Cas knew it was kinda cheesy but he liked the sunrise too much to care. Be that sunrise the real one or Dean's smile.

"Let's grab a coat and get outta here," Charlie hurried to the racks with the large jackets, "these stores have the weirdest people."

"Tell me about it," Sam looked at Dean and Cas with a joking smirk that Dean swatted at him for.

"Yes," Cas added, "We are inside this store." He felt proud of himself for joining in on the joke, it was even better when Dean started laughing about it.

The other three were more focused on getting him a coat while he wandered around. He didn't get far though, Dean kept bringing him back and making him try on a new one. Most of them were too small and the very few that weren't tended to be too thick and heavy for early summer weather.

"This is impossible." Dean grumbled after about fifteen minutes.

"We'll find something," Cas reassured him and moved to start trying on anything he figured might fit. He wanted to cheer Dean up but it started to dawn on him that he might not be helping as he got stuck in one of the jackets. He kept quiet as he struggled to break free, his arm was stuck and the fabric wouldn't stretch. It was about ten seconds before he softly said "Uhm,"

Dean looked up and snorted, "Seriously?" He was smiling and trying not to laugh; it made Cas feel a little better for being incompetent.

"I am stuck, Dee." Cas stated simply and Dean laughed out loud as he went to help out.

"C'mere, I got you."

"I think I got one," Sam said though Cas couldn't quite see him while Dean was trying to tug him around by the coat. There was an extra set of hands on him and with a few sharp motions he was freed. Cas scooted away from the jacket with a little hiss, he didn't really mean to, it just came to him.

"You good?" Dean was still laughing at him.

"Yeah," he smiled in return, "I'm good."

"Great," Sam tossed the coat at him, "Try this one."

Though he was a little dubious of coats after what just happened, he listened and curled his wings in close as he put it on. It was a tan colour and left enough room around his shoulders despite having wings pressed against the back of it. His wings wriggled under the fabric but it wasn't crushing, he could get used to it. It was thin too, made more for the weather they were currently having. It was almost perfect, just to check with the others what they thought and he'd be happy with it. "How do I look?" he asked as he lifted his head to see them, looking between their faces but settling on Dean's.

"It's actually not bad," Dean walked around him, or tried as Cas turned with him to watch him. "Hold still Cas, I wanna see." Dean smirked and put a hand on him to keep him in one spot.

"I like it," Charlie decided and headed toward the shoe section, "This way Cas, we're not done yet."

He followed her, and only then did he notice the people in the store. The ones who had seen him come in were staring at him like the people from the street. They were in awe of his 'mutation' and he was sure they'd ask him questions about it very soon.

Charlie led him to a bench and insisted that he sit and stay out of trouble. "I'll bring some over here and we'll see how they work for you."

"Okay," he agreed and looked over at Sam and Dean who were wandering over. He could hear their conversation; it was like they'd forgotten again that he had enhanced hearing.

"He's doing pretty good, right?" Dean was close to whispering, eager to get some reassurance from his brother.

"Yeah, I'm pretty impressed." Sam nodded and glanced over at Cas who smiled, Sam waved at him. "After this I hope we can take him to some really cool places without more trouble. What happened back on the street would happen literally everywhere today if we don't cover his wings."

"Yeah, I think Jet's plan worked better when Jet was actually part of it." Dean chuckled, "Still though, I literally have no clue what to show him. I mean there's probably a thousand things I take for granted on a daily basis he'd find awesome but I can't think of a single one."

"Don't force it, we'll just do stuff as it comes along." Sam pat him on the shoulder and Dean nodded.

"Thanks," he sighed and looked at Cas too, "I just want the best for him, you know?"

"I know." Sam walked away from Dean then and joined Cas on the bench. "Time to put something on your feet, huh?"

"Yeah," Cas feigned ignorance to what he'd just heard though he was sure his face was as bright as the sunlight outside. Dean was amazing, he wasn't sure what other explanation he could possibly give. "The ground is very dirty," he emphasized this by lifting up his now greyed sole.

"Oh," Sam's mouth pulled tight, "yeah, yeah it is."

"Used shoes are nasty," Dean remarked, "we can afford new ones, let's just get those."

"Maybe after he already has a pair," Charlie said as she brought a few samples, "People think it's less weird when they see a shoeless person in a thrift store than a higher end retail location."

"Point taken."

Charlie lifted up Cas' foot and he giggled a little, it tickled but he tried to hold still before being scolded. She measured one of the shoes to his foot and frowned, "Okay, your feet have grown since I last saw you…"

"You knew my shoe size?" Cas wasn't sure how to take that, it was amazing he'd known someone so well that they would know what size his feet were. At the same time though it hurt because he probably used to know hers too.

"I knew a lot of things," Charlie shrugged and smiled up at him, "But I guess we both need to learn new things about each other, huh?"

He bit his lip and nodded, he didn't want to cry again but he felt so much better hearing those words. "Thanks Charlie,"

"You're welcome," she handed him a pair of shoes, "Think you can put these on yourself?"

"Yeah," he was eager to prove himself and promptly put the shoes on. They were extremely uncomfortable and he snarled down at them. He really had to wear these? They didn't even fit his feet, they were painful and felt weird.

"Close," Sam reached down and made him switch feet, "you had them on wrong."

"Oh, right." Cas stood up in them now that Sam had fixed them, it was a lot better. He still preferred not wearing shoes though, the material was weird and his feet felt suffocated.

"Do you like them?" Dean asked and Cas looked up at him to see hopeful eyes.

Cas wasn't sure what it was about Dean's face, maybe it was just the combination of all his features or something in his expressions, but it made Cas melt a little every time. He walked a little in the shoes and shrugged, "I dunno, they feel weird."

"Maybe we should start with something softer?" Sam looked at Charlie as he stood up, "I mean, wearing slippers is better than being barefoot."

Charlie hummed in response and went back into the aisles to find more shoes for him to try on. With them gone he took the shoes off and wriggled his toes in their freedom. "I should appreciate being shoeless more," he muttered and Dean giggled.

"We always realize what we had when it's gone," he said as he dropped onto the bench where Sam had been. "Hey Cas?" his tone shifted to something more sincere and it happened so quick Cas wasn't sure how to respond.

He just looked up with wide eyes, mouth slightly open in his dumbfoundedness.

Dean smiled so sweetly and leaned in for a kiss. It was nice and warm, Cas let himself fall into it and enjoy it. Dean and everything Dean brought to the world were all things Cas didn't want to lose. He didn't want to one day realize what he'd had because Dean was gone. He decided that he'd appreciate Dean right then in that moment, and in every moment that he could.

The kiss ended and they stayed with their foreheads touching and eyes locked in a gaze that Cas didn't want to end. "I love you, Dee." He whispered and stole another kiss, just a quick one.

Dean didn't say anything; he just kept smiling and pulled Cas into a hug instead. "You're so incredible," he said after a few moments of a silent embrace.

"Feet please," Charlie grinned as they looked up at her, she very purposefully interrupted them. "You guys are getting too cheesy for public scenarios."

"Pfft, you're just jealous," Dean leaned away to give them more room.

Charlie just put the shoes on Cas' feet this time, slipped right on with no trouble. Cas stood up and 'ooooh'd out loud. "They're comfy," he exclaimed and bounced up and down a little. They weren't as harsh as the other ones; it was like walking on a soft rug all the time. He trotted around the immediate vicinity, watching his feet as he went. "I love them! Can I have them?" He looked up at Dean excitedly and realized that Dean was making a weird face.

"Really?" Dean looked at Charlie who shrugged.

"They're all the rage."

"Uggs?" Dean reiterated and Cas didn't understand at all. "He can't wear those!"

"Why? He likes them." Charlie folded her arms defiantly, "He's getting them, they're cheap here."

"Are they bad?" Cas asked sheepishly and both Sam and Charlie responded firmly.

"No."

But simultaneously Dean said "Yes" just as firmly.

Cas pouted, "But they're so comfortable…"

Dean paused and stuttered, unsure of how to reply. He looked at Sam and Charlie who had the most condescending expressions that said something like 'yeah Dean, he likes them. Why can't he wear them?'

"Fine!" Dean threw his arms up, "They're fine Cas,"

"Are you sure?" Cas double checked and Dean dropped his face into his hands.

"Dean's being dramatic," Sam reassured him and shoved Dean hard enough he had to stumble to stay upright.

"Yeah," Dean agreed though a little more exasperated than before. "I'm just being dramatic Cas, the shoes are fine if you love them."

Cas looked at Charlie who gave him a thumb's up. "Okay," he smiled and looked down at them again, "I want these ones."

"Sweat pants and Ugg's," Dean groaned, "What have I done…"

"He's comfortable, just shut up." Sam smirked and Dean very sarcastically mimicked his face.


	57. Chapter 57

Cas' wings fluttered and wriggled in the coat, it was something he'd have to get used to but at that moment he clearly hated it. He could walk around in public without as many strange looks but Dean was willing to bet it was uncomfortable as fuck. Cas made faces as he tried to adjust to the fabric, it wasn't that it hurt but Cas wasn't used to any kind of cloth on his wings.

"Try not to move them too much," Dean had warned him at least once and Cas seemed to get why. If his back already looked like he had an abnormal growth on it Dean didn't imagine people would appreciate seeing it move around at all. He kinda still expected to have some assholes yelling stupid things, but for the most part nothing appeared terribly supernatural about the whole situation.

They attempted another walk down the street, a completely different one to avoid any weird moments with people they'd seen previously. Dean took a deep breath as they strolled, eyes darting about to the different faces and waiting for some asshole to pop up. A lot of people would be jerks about something as strange as wings, they'd approach no trouble but it was a little less likely if Cas appeared to be more deformed than that.

That didn't mean people wouldn't stare or say things out loud as they passed, but Dean was pretty sure it'd be a little less confrontational. More importantly Cas didn't seem to be affected by it at all. Dean wasn't sure if that was because he was hearing too many things at once to really differentiate what they were all saying, or if maybe he didn't care. Regardless, nothing was dampening Cas' current mood.

How could Dean not smile about that? He reached over and took his boyfriend's hand, squeezing it lightly as they walked side by side. Cas looked up at him, a little sparkle in those baby blues.

"Are you having fun so far?" Dean asked and Cas was quick to nod yes.

"It's been amazing!" He jumped a little, too excited to hold it all in. "The buildings are so tall and there are tons of people everywhere! And everyone's got a car too, some of them are really loud and fast, some of them are small and only have one person on them. I want to remember more of these things, I want to know more about it."

While Cas babbled on Dean noticed something very important about his speech; Cas was very close to normal speed. He barely paused at all during his expelling of words and it didn't seem to register with him. Dean smiled and listened, his heart started to flutter as he was a little more lost in how Cas spoke than what he said.

But that didn't mean he couldn't hear Cas. Dean knew that Cas was ecstatic with the number of shops and lovely things on display. Cas loved how many people were about and how fast the setting seemed to be. Everything was so big, and though it was loud too Cas was getting used to the noise. He knew what to tune out and what to listen to, what to pay attention to and what could be completely ignored. He was learning so much just by being in the city for a few hours. He saw that there were so many different types of people just in the few places they'd been, which in particular seemed to be fascinating to him.

Dean knew Cas was describing the folks he saw and how excited he was that none of them looked the same, but he wasn't as interested in the guy with the big nose or lady with really small ears. He just loved hearing Cas talk.

"Hey," Sam broke his concentration and he looked up. There was a sign with a big red arrow pointing down another street saying something about an early season farmer's market.

"Really?" he rolled his eyes and Sam shrugged him off.

"We could use fresh stuff for home, besides I think Cas would enjoy it."

"Let's do it!" Cas cheered and Dean lost all ability to say no.

The sign said they had quite a bit of a walk ahead of them but Dean didn't mind. He enjoyed seeing Cas' wide eyes scan the area around them, staring at all the strangers and new things. He wondered if there was a hint of recognition, if Cas could feel it prickling at the back of his mind. Maybe he saw an old hang out spot and felt like it was familiar, or maybe there was someone passing by he used to say hi to at a library or something. Dean would really be happy with anything like that, but he didn't need it to happen to be thrilled for Cas' new experiences.

Charlie's words struck Cas pretty hard but Dean was feeling them too. It was a level of acceptance he wasn't sure he could reach if it were him in that position. He'd never have to feel that way about Cas because he didn't know him before, he didn't have to deal with the fact he'd lost something in Cas.

But maybe that was the point? Maybe that was entirely why Castiel told him to wait, told him not to say 'I love you' without really understanding what it meant. Cas could feel he was missing pieces, Cas knew that there was something within himself that wasn't there that should be. He needed to know that Dean was there for everything, that Dean could connect to the idea that this wasn't all of Castiel.

He felt like he'd stumbled onto something but he wasn't quite sure how to explain to himself. It was more of a feeling, more something he just understood than something he would know by the words used to define it.

"Dee," Cas tugged on his arm and he tuned back in.

"What's up Cas?" He asked and looked to where Castiel was pointing, there was a hotdog vendor on the sidewalk and Dean would venture to guess that was Cas' attention grabber. "You want a hotdog?"

"It smells good," Cas sniffed the air, Dean couldn't smell it yet but he wasn't really surprised by that. "Does it taste good too?"

"Depends on who makes them," Sam said critically and Dean nudged him in the side.

"Don't be silly, all hotdogs are awesome. Sam's just a picky eater, c'mon Cas let's get you a hotdog." He almost felt like that weird 'Hotdog guy' from _The Happening_ but shook off the feeling as he led Cas down the sidewalk.

"You gotta get one with everything," Charlie insisted, she kept up with Dean's pace and looked as excited as Cas was. "You always used to love it with 'the works.'"

"The works?" Cas looked at her for a moment and nodded, "Okay, then I'll have the works."

Dean was secretly very happy Charlie went with, she knew all the things that might just tug at Cas' brain and let something loose. Without her there Dean and Jet probably would've dragged Cas to all of their favourite spots, and then to the University for Sam's sake. Probably, he had no way of knowing what would've happened really but he was enjoying himself.

Cas was enthralled with watching the man put the hotdogs together, he was a little too close for the vendor's comfort but customer service was strong in that one. The guy just smiled awkwardly and handed out the food, hoping maybe for a tip for once. Dean felt a little sorry for the guy, what with having to do his job with an underarm attachment and all. Hell, the vendor was probably a little freaked out about Cas' appearance to begin with.

"Wow," Cas slipped around to the front of the cart again and looked at Dean with bright eyes, "Street food is really cool."

"It tastes even better," Dean winked at him and handed him the hotdog with 'the works.' Part of him knew how much of that shit would end up on Cas' face, shirt, and the ground but he didn't really want to think about it. "It's messy," he warned playfully though he was a little serious. "Try not to get it every where."

"Right," Cas smiled wide and took it with both hands, doing his best to be cautious with it.

Dean handed the vendor some cash, plenty of it being a tip. "Thanks pal," he grinned charmingly and the guy stuttered through a 'You're welcome.'

Charlie and Dean both got a similar hotdog to Cas' while Sam kept it pretty classic; the four sat together on benches watching the cars drive as they chowed down. Dean kept an eye on Cas and nearly choked. He forgot for a moment how phallic hotdogs were and he wasn't expecting an adrenaline rush just seeing Cas put the thing in his mouth for the first time.

"Are you okay?" Charlie smirked, a very knowing look in her eyes as she watched him beat his chest to ease his food down.

Cas looked up, mouth full now and cheeks doing a chipmunk impression as he gurgled something along the lines of 'What's wrong, Dee?'

"I'm good," Dean waved them off and inhaled deeply, "Just ate too fast."

"Here," Sam handed him a water bottle which Dean promptly guzzled until it was almost empty.

"Thanks Sammy," he sighed and tried to shake the feeling off. He looked back at Cas who tilted his head, cheeks still a little puffed up but less like a rodent now. "I'm fine, don't worry about it."

Cas nodded and happily went back to his meal, shoving it back into his mouth and making Dean look away before his mind fell entirely into the gutter. Cas had deliberately stated the he wasn't ready; Dean knew he shouldn't even be thinking that yet. Not to mention Cas was experiencing a bunch of new things, it was a big deal for him to be back in his hometown and Dean's thoughts could at least be appropriate for the situation. He scolded himself mentally and tried to distract himself by mentally naming car types as they drove past while he ate.

"You were right," Cas looked at Charlie, his face a little dirty but not terribly bad to Dean's delight, "I really liked it with the works."

"Told ya," She gave him a thumb's up which he returned immediately.

Dean kinda enjoyed seeing their friendship now that they were comfortable around each other. Charlie had finally accepted what had happened and what Cas was going through. She was always there for him but now her full support was available and it was an amazing thing to witness. Dean had that kind of friendship with Sam and Jet, he knew that he couldn't have made it through some tough times without them. It was uplifting to know Charlie was there.

There were still people passing by on the street, eyes constantly glancing toward Cas and then away as they tried to hide that they'd stolen a gaze. Then of course there were those who blatantly stared at Castiel with expressions Dean wanted to punch right off their faces. He glared at them, obviously and without any hesitation when they noticed his focus was on them.

Most of them didn't say anything, at least not until one guy sneered and said "I don't like that look, kid."

"I don't like yours either, grandpa." Dean cocked an eyebrow, keeping his voice low and threatening.

"It's a free country, I can look at freaks if I wanna."

Dean stood up angrily, unaware that Sam and Charlie had both done the same. All three were glaring the man down with looks that could kill and he walked off pretty fast.

"Yeah keep going, right into traffic you fuck!" Dean shouted after him.

"That was so cool," Cas breathed and Dean turned to look at him, finally realizing that the other two were just as menacingly ready to fight as he was. "You guys were in perfect sync."

"You bring out the best in us," Sam chuckled and sat back down. Dean felt pretty proud of their little team, none of them swung a fist but they managed to scare the guy off. Of course, he knew full well that Jet wouldn't have let the guy walk away and that would have been just as fun to see.

After Dean got the chance to clean Cas' face off and Cas got to do the same for him, they started down the sidewalk again. Dean wasn't really looking forward to hanging out at the farmer's market but what the hell; with Cas it could be entertaining. Assuming they ever managed to get there; Castiel started to pause in front of every shop with an even somewhat interesting window display.

There was a costume shop that had gag gifts and the like on the way and Dean wasn't sure he could pry Cas off the glass.

"Want to go inside?" Charlie asked with a smile and Cas nodded quickly.

"Can we? I know Sam wants to go to a farm."

"It's a farmer's market," Sam corrected, "But this trip is about you, Cas. Just let us know if you see something you want to do or see."

"I want to see everything, I can't choose." Cas said over his shoulder as he hopped into the shop. Dean shrugged with a laugh and followed him inside; he did usually like those kinds of places. So many opportunities for bad jokes and hey, maybe Cas would laugh at them.


	58. Chapter 58

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just gotta say again that I really appreciate all the support you guys have been giving me. I hope my 'author notes' and stuff aren't annoying or anything, but I love to try and talk to you all a little bit at least. 
> 
> I've gotten some great criticism and critiques from you guys and I'm so pumped to have such amazing folks reading my work. Love you guys, and please please let me know if there's anything I can improve on, if the 'Cas in the city' is dragging on or if you're enjoying it and so on. Thanks again, hope you have a great day

The shop wasn't all that big and Dean noticed immediately that Cas would knock more than his fair share of things over if he wasn't paying attention. In fact he expected it to happen pretty soon as Cas hurried past a few displays to look at the wall covered in random shit. But it didn't. Cas maneuvered through and barely brushed past a few items, Dean had to make a face about that, not bad. He was impressed and decided that it was alright to let Cas roam without constant supervision.

There were only a few people inside, the cashier and someone that seemed to be their friend. They were totally preoccupied and didn't even look over at the new people in the store; since Cas didn't look totally normal Dean decided that he preferred the lack of attention.

Dean watched Castiel as he inspected different shirts and read the mostly crass phrases printed on them. There were mugs with similar things and of course reference items. There were so many that even Dean felt he needed to just generalize the whole store with the label 'pop culture shop.' It was basically any gag gift place you walked into; all the basics were there, including the poop emoji pillow. Dean stared at it for a bit, knowing that if he'd never watched Digimon as a kid he'd never know that that specific shape meant shit.

"Dee," Cas hurried up to him and lifted a box with hay sticking out of it and the words 'Pet Rock' written on the side, "Can I have it?"

"You want a pet rock?" Dean asked with a raised eyebrow and Cas nodded quickly. He clearly wasn't joking around; he really did want the most useless thing in the store. Though Dean would've recommended getting a real pet, it was probably a better idea not to give Cas a living animal just yet. "Alright, but you gotta take care of it."

"It's a rock, Dee." Cas rolled his eyes, surprising Dean a little more than either Sam or Charlie. Apparently Dean was the only one who didn't combine his idea of Castiel with the idea of a sass-master.

"Alright, alright, so it doesn't get a name then? Since it's just a rock?" He smirked and raised his eyebrows in a playfully snarky way. Cas sighed dramatically and lifted up the box so Dean could see it.

"It is a rock but it's a _pet_ rock, Dee. Of course it gets a name." Cas held it up close to inspect it and furrowed his brow as he considered several ideas. Dean waited patiently but his patience wasn't notoriously high.

"Rocky?"

"No,"

"Paul."

"No."

Dean shrugged, "Okay, then what do you think it should be named?"

"Rockington." Cas decided and nodded determinedly. "Dee, meet Rockington."

Dean opened his mouth to speak but stopped and just accepted it, "Hey Rockington."

"You know, these are kinda fun," Sam said after a moment and Dean had to look to see what his brother was playing with. Sam wasn't the type to enjoy most things in a gag store but if he found something fun Dean absolutely had to see it. The thing in question was a pair of slippers in the shape of bread, or 'Loafers' as the label said.

"You're the biggest dork." He said deadpan and Sam just smiled at him. "It's more of a pun shop," Dean chuckled at his own joke and walked over to the mugs with funny and not-so-funny print on them. The mugs were pretty cool, good quality and he could see himself drinking out of one but he had to have the right witty saying on it. Something he could manage to read every day without groaning at his own terrible choices.

Then he saw it, a fairly large mug with the handle in the shape of metal knuckles. They had a few colours; black with a silver handle, white with gold, and some other brightly shaded ones that defeated the purpose of its existence. Dean picked up the black and silver one with bright eyes, "I know what I'm getting," he whispered as he fit his fingers through the holes. It looked so cool.

"I'd make fun of you but I'm the one with loafers on my feet," Sam admitted, his toes wiggling enough to move the front part of his footwear. "Though I believe you should take back what you said about me now."

"You're still a complete dork,"

"Oh my god, look!" Charlie cheered as she hurried to a glass case, "They've got those ultra-realistic lightsabers!"

"For real?" Dean popped up beside her and stared at them, his eyes just as wide as hers, "Ohhhh mannn that's so cool…"

Sam leaned up behind them; Dean could see his disapproving look through his reflection. "They're a couple hundred bucks, guys."

"You think Jet would mind?" Dean looked at Sam pleadingly, as if Sam were in charge of Jet's money now.

Sam paused and stared down at the expensive toys, his mouth pursed as he considered what his boyfriend might say. "I think he'd be pissed if you only bought one."

"One for everyone?"

"That'd be fine by him," Sam nodded but his expression didn't change that much, "though I think you should think about spending the money more wisely. Just because we can afford it doesn't mean we should actually buy it, you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, yeah," Dean waved him off; he'd gotten the answer he really wanted anyway. "I get it but how often do we have the chance to have lightsaber battles?"

Charlie had joined him in his pleading expression, just as hopeful as he was that Sam would give them the go ahead. Sam raised his hands in defeat and stepped back, "Okay, do what you want."

During the last week or two Jet had set up a few accounts for everyone at Sam's request. It was basically a way to regulate how much money they were each spending per month. Each account was filled with an amount they agreed on and would be refilled after the month was over. As well, there was MacLeod's main account – now Jet's – which they all had access to if they absolutely needed it. Or if a group purchase was made, like the possibilities of group lightsaber battles.

The cashier was watching Castiel now as the hunchback wandered about the shop, their expression was mostly neutral though Dean could tell they didn't know what to do or how to react. Cas on the other hand didn't seem to notice all that much. He was excited to be looking at little trinkets and items that weren't clothes. Everything passed through his hands at one point or another; he had to inspect it all pretty closely until his curiosity was sated.

The cashier looked at his friend and motioned to Cas as he mouthed 'what' in a fairly dramatic way that Dean thought could've used a little subtlety. He whistled sharply and caught the attention of the two strangers, "Wanna say something?" Dean asked with his best 'pissy Jet' impression, it was usually the most threatening look he could muster. Of course, Jet had told him he was too pretty to really look menacing but Dean tried to ignore that.

"No," the cashier shook his head; he sounded like he didn't really want to start anything.

"Sorry," the other added for her friend with a 'you're an idiot' kick to the boy's shin.

"All good," Dean smiled at them again and turned back to the merchandise.

Castiel paused as he looked at a shoulder bag that appeared to have been there for a while. When he picked it up Dean saw that it had the design of the first PlayStation console on it. Cas stared at it, turned it over in his hands and furrowed his brow. He was thinking, more than just 'this is cool' but like the stupid bag meant something. Dean looked over at Charlie who had noticed the same behaviour change in her friend.

"You used to have one like that," Charlie walked up to Cas' side and looked at the item with fondness, "I mean, Michael's got all your old stuff at his place so I could go get it for you if you wanted."

"What does it mean?" Cas looked at her, his expression holding a more than just the regular curiosity. It was deeper, nostalgic and painfully questioning. "Why do I connect to this thing?"

"It was the first gift you gave to yourself, something you really wanted and decided to get without thinking what anyone else would say." Charlie reached over and gently took the bag from Cas' hands and slung it over his shoulder for him. "Does that feel familiar?"

He adjusted his arm and nodded, "Yeah," his nose crinkled as he discovered that it did. "I like it, can we get mine later?"

"Of course,"

Dean was glad that Cas could find things he liked, like that pet rock thing, but it was even more uplifting to know that Cas could find things that brought something back. It gave Dean a feeling of hope; hope that Cas was still improving mentally beyond just speech, and that Dean would soon get to talk to Castiel when he was fully aware of himself. Maybe Dean would finally be able to say 'I love you' without Cas doubting him.

There was a bit more goofing off before the four decided it was time to move out. They ended up leaving the store with a few things; Sam's loafers, Rockington, Dean's knuckle-mug, a bag of balloons with offensive/crude things written on them, and a bunch of lightsabers for later. Dean couldn't help himself when it came to the balloons, he was sure Jet would love them too. Who didn't like a balloon floating around saying 'Happy Fucking Whatever'?

"So we're gonna carry a bunch of expensive items and some crap around?" Dean asked as they strolled onto the street again. Mostly it was an issue with the fact that they would have to juggle several lightsabers through a crowded market place.

"It's not that bad," Sam looked at him with one of those smiles that Dean wished he could slap off, "I mean, if it's too heavy for you I can carry it-"

"Shut up that's not what I said," Dean grumpily continued down the street, "I can carry my own shit, don't patronize me." He grumbled to himself, the others caught up eventually. Cas leaned close and nuzzled his cheek as they walked, it was a bit awkward but too cute to not smile. "Hey," Dean looked at him affectionately, he was happy to see how pleasant Cas' expression was. It felt warm, like he could trust Cas with just about anything.

Dean noticed that Castiel's expressions had changed along with some of his behaviours as he grew out of the animalistic mindset. They were still emotional though far more complex, Dean couldn't just look at his face and know what he was thinking or what he needed. Cas' cues were more complicated too, his hints at what he wanted were harder to decipher and Dean needed to rely a little more on Cas just saying what he was thinking.

It wasn't a bad thing, though. It meant that more and more of Cas was coming through, that Dean could learn more about who Castiel Novak was. He was excited but also a little scared, like maybe he wouldn't be good enough for the person that Cas was meant to be.

"Are you okay, Dee?" Cas' tone suggested he knew that Dean was alright, that no real harm was being done. "We can go back to the car if you wanted."

"No it's fine," Dean couldn't be negative or upset when Cas was so excited about seeing what little of the world the city had to offer. "I just want to make sure your experience is as good as it can be."

"It'll be authentic," Charlie elbowed him in the ribs, lightly but still enough to make him move. "Don't worry so much, he's already having a hell of an experience as it is."

"You're here with me," Cas leaned closer and kissed Dean's cheek, "It's perfect."

"Awww," Sam piped in just as Dean was starting to feel a little emotional about it. "You guys are so cute, when's the wedding?"

"Shut up," Dean said with a laugh, Sam was a pest but that was his way of showing exactly what he thought of the two dating. Dean was tiptoeing around the idea that Sam would be furious about him and Cas, that he'd be in for a serious talking to about whether or not Cas could consent and all of that. But with a single question Dean realized that wasn't the case at all; Sam was well aware of it, probably even expected it.

Sam accepted him being with Cas; it felt like such a weight was lifted off his chest with just knowing that little bit of information. It meant he could depend on Sam to back him up if Charlie or Michael got mad at him, though he was pretty sure Charlie would understand. Michael was a totally different story.

Regardless, Dean decided to ask Sam about all of it later, he was pretty sure that Sam wanted him to chill out and have a little fun. Dean smiled and tapped his fist against Sam's arm, "Thanks."

Sam didn't respond with words, he just smirked and nudged Dean right back.

Sooner than Dean had expected, the farmer's market was just up ahead and there was a bustle of people around it. He didn't think there'd be that many, but still enough gathered to make it easy to lose people for a few minutes in the crowd. Considering the time and the fact that it was a weekday was more than enough information to tell him what kind of crowd it'd be. Older folks and parents with young kids were the majority, and Dean was pretty damn sure he was about to hate his entire experience.

Cas stared with wide eyes again, so many times in one day Dean was losing track of all those moments. The scene was brand new, as were most of them for Castiel so far. A bunch of colourful tents stretched wide across what Dean figured might be about a block long, and from what he could tell there were several rows lined up. It was quite a cool display, still early summer so there weren't as many stands as there could be but still very nice to look at.

Some kids ran by screaming, playing around in the grass and doing whatever kids do. Dean reached over and took Cas' hand just in case someone would run into him or something, he wasn't sure. Maybe he was more afraid that he, himself, would get lost and not Castiel. Regardless he was sticking to his boyfriend as best he could, that seemed like a good plan to get through everything.

"There are so many people," Charlie groaned.

"But it's so cool," Cas hopped up and down a little, his eyes sparkly with what Dean could only assume was excitement and joy. "What are they doing? Is all that food? There's so much!" Dean wasn't sure what would happen at that market but he was sure that he couldn't be prouder of Castiel. And though he loved seeing Cas so excited and willing to try new things, he wasn't so sure it was his scene. Dean wanted Cas to have a good time and while Cas thought Dean being around would be the best option, Dean wasn't so sure. He glanced over at Sam who was also admiring the view about as pleasantly as Cas was.

"You wanna show Cas around the market?" Dean asked and Cas looked at him with confusion riddling his features.

"You don't want to go with me?"

"That's not what I'm getting at," Dean waved his hands defensively, "I'm saying I hate these things and you'd probably have more fun with Sam."

"Why do you hate it?" Cas looked at the sight again, light reflecting in his eyes in just the right way that made Dean smile. "I think it looks amazing."

"You would," Charlie huffed a laugh, "You used to love doing stupid shit like this, your way of trying to get in touch with nature even though that's not really the purpose of these sorts of things."

"Huh," Cas rubbed the back of his head like he'd seen Dean do on several occasions, "Well I guess it's okay, you're not going to be upset if I go away from you?" He looked at Dean who wasn't quite sure how to answer that.

On the one hand he could say 'no not at all' but what if Cas took that as 'I don't get upset when you're not around me because I don't really care'? If he pretended like he'd really miss Cas' company to spare Cas' feelings then he might end up being dragged through the market anyway. Dean did his best to smile confidently and knew it didn't look as good as he imagined it did, "It's alright, don't worry about me." He decided to keep it simple.

"So do you want to come?" Cas tilted his head in that confused little way he tended to do.

Sam smiled, a merciful look aimed at Dean, "I haven't gotten much alone time with you lately," he placed a firm hand on Cas' shoulder, "Come on, let's go check some stuff out."

Cas looked at Dean for a second, a moment of thought was all he seemed to need to really recognize that Dean wasn't comfortable in that place. "Sure," he nodded understandingly and kissed Dean's cheek, "I'll see you soon, Dee!"

"Have fun," Dean waved them off and watched as Sam led Cas into the crowd of people. He trusted Sam; he trusted that Cas wouldn't do anything crazy, at least not any more crazy than some of the other people at those markets. But mostly he was glad that Cas could understand that they didn't have to do _everything_ together.

Dean looked at Charlie who had her arms crossed and shoulders hunched, her expression was so vividly clear on what she thought of going in there. "Want to skulk around the perimeter and avoid vegetable-crazy parents and their unsupervised kids?"

"Please." Charlie laughed anxiously and followed Dean's lead around the chaos that had already swallowed up Sam and Cas.


	59. Chapter 59

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't express how long it took me to decide where this chapter should be going. But I figured we're ready for this shit so let's do it. Sorry for the delay, hope you enjoy!

Dean and Charlie walked around the edges of the farmers market. They were comfortable in one another's silence, though they did enjoy a few quips about some of the crazies in the crowd. One lady nearly bulldozed a dude almost twice her size. She was going to get the very last basket of some vegetable Dean didn't recognize. It was pretty funny, the guy couldn't even really get mad either, he just watched the lady go and shrugged.

Every now and then Dean spotted Cas and Sam together. They stopped and talked to a lot of the vendors about the products being offered. Dean couldn't imagine enjoying that sort of thing, who the heck even cared? Sam and Castiel apparently.

"Look," Charlie laughed and pointed on their next lap around the place. Cas was inspecting different things and for some reason decided to just shove something in his mouth. "Taste testing," Charlie snickered.

Dean couldn't keep a straight face when he saw Sam's shoulders slump a little and inevitably had to explain to Cas why that wasn't a good idea. "Poor guy, he's being offered free samples and then told he can't eat the stuff. I'm with him on this one, that's confusing."

"Free samples to give you a taste of 'the stuff,' not so you can just eat for free." Charlie raised an eyebrow at him; her grin suggested she knew he was being a dumbass.

"Yeah, but still. Cas didn't know that."

"He does now."

They both chuckled as they watched what was probably Cas apologizing to the vendors with Sam's assistance.

"How do you think this trip is going so far?" Dean had to ask a 'Cas expert.' He had his own ideas but knowing Charlie's side would give him some perspective on the big picture. He glanced at her and saw that she was still smiling, a good sign.

"He's been connecting to a few old things, I guess. But I don't think this trip is about that sort of progress so much as it is about Cas getting to do stuff again. He was stuck in a cage for four years and he doesn't remember a lot about the outside world. I don't think he's done anything today where he hasn't learned something."

Dean nodded, "Yeah, you're right." He looked back to where Cas and Sam had shamefully wandered to a different tent and were somewhat out of his view. He'd been looking at it all in such a harsh light, about whether or not Cas was 'doing well' or if Cas was 'succeeding' in this endeavor. That wasn't the point of going into town. Cas couldn't possibly fail, maybe society could fail and treat someone different very poorly but Cas was just being Cas.

"I don't know if he'll want to wear that coat every time he goes into a public place," Charlie continued, "I can't imagine it's a lot of fun."

"Tell me about it, it's kinda like a straightjacket for his wings." Dean looked at her with a chuckle bubbling up in his throat, "How much you wanna bet he's gonna end up trying to help someone out and just fly to get something, or whatever?"

"I won't take that bet," she laughed and shook her head, "He'll just toss off the jacket and fly up to get some kid's kite out of a tree or some shit."

"Probably."

They decided to sit on a bench near the site as soon as it opened up; Dean had been keeping his eye on it. He could see majority of what was going on in the market and if something serious happened around Cas he didn't doubt it'd be fairly obvious from where he was sitting.

Time felt like it dragged on, or was going insanely fast, Dean wasn't sure which. All he knew was that Sam was taking too long, so either he was going in slow motion or Dean had aged 84 years. Regardless, he was sick of being there. Every time he spotted Cas it looked like Cas was having a good time, which was what stopped him from going in there and dragging them out.

Dean sighed and dropped back against the bench, arms draped over the back and eyes unfocused as he stared distantly. "Tell me when we're leaving," he mumbled, didn't even have the energy to look when Charlie laughed at him.

He expected he'd be sitting there for quite some time before Sam finished up, so he decided to take a nap instead of waiting around for nothing. It felt like a great idea, his feet kinda hurt and he was tired enough to pull it off. He glanced at Charlie, "Would you be offended if I took a nap?"

"Nah," She pulled her phone out of her pocket, "I was gonna call Garth and see how things are going back at the house anyway."

"Awesome," he yawned and slumped down on the bench, legs extended and crossed in front of him. Charlie wandered a little ways away to give him some quiet and Dean found himself drifting in and out of consciousness pretty fast.

" _Dean, are you asleep?" Cas' voice came through so clearly as if he were right next to Dean's ear._

_He startled and lifted his head again to find that his eyes were drawn to the curious face of his boyfriend a few feet away. "Cas? You done shopping?"_

" _Don't play dumb," Cas laughed and walked over to him, "You're asleep."_

" _What?" He looked around quickly and realized that the area was definitely not the farmer's market. Actually it looked more like Bobby's backyard. "But you're not asleep, I thought you had to be for this to work?"_

" _Yeah, that's kinda how it was working." Cas smiled and tapped Dean's forehead gently, "But I found that since I came directly into your head I can speak to you when you're asleep." He looked Dean over and then down at himself, "I've been noticing a lot of changes in me, actually. My mental state is improving a lot and the remains of that drug MacLeod made are almost out of my system now."_

_Dean felt an ache in his chest and it seemed to reverberate in the air around them. "It stayed that long?"_

" _Yeah, it was made to control me and since they altered how my body works they had to make sure it was strong enough to stick around. My mind feels so much clearer now," Cas looked around, smiling brighter as he started to realize where they were standing. "Your home?"_

" _Bobby's place, I grew up here." Dean nodded and looked at the old tree that they'd attached a tire swing to. "I broke my arm on that swing over there," he pointed at it and then over at a pile of junk, "And I fell off that pile and had to get stitches."_

" _Accident prone,"_

" _A little." Dean really enjoyed talking to Castiel, whether that be when he was awake and helping Cas learn or speaking to Cas' fully functioning mind. Dean loved Castiel, more and more each day and it was starting to hurt. He wanted to have fun conversations just like the one they were having, but he wanted to help more than he wanted to chat. "Cas," he looked seriously at Castiel who was still watching the gentle swing of the tire._

" _Sam hurt himself like you did?" It was like Cas sensed Dean's tone and the seriousness of what he was feeling and trying to avoid it._

" _Cas," Dean said more sternly and took Castiel's arm, "Cas why can't you remember things from your past?"_

_Cas looked Dean right in the eye and Dean saw more fear than he was aware was even there. Cas' expression was nervous for a moment but that slipped behind a veil, "The drug, mostly."_

" _Okay, but that's almost gone now so why can't you connect to things?" Dean didn't let Cas go and held his boyfriend's gaze as he watched Castiel's jaw clench and expression tighten. Cas didn't respond just yet so Dean continued. "The things you love, the people that meant the world to you, those are the things that should snap back to you first. What's going on?"_

_Cas took a breath and held it, like he was going to speak but caught his words in his mouth. He swallowed thickly and looked back at the scenery around them, at Dean's dream and memory. "Strong memories and feelings come from things that influenced you, nothing in your life is a separate experience. When I start to recall Charlie and my brother I get a rush, I remember them so fondly. But at the same time I remember the last time I saw them, the last thing I ever said to them and what happened after."_

" _You mean the experiments?" Dean asked softly and Castiel nodded._

" _Yeah," he inhaled shakily and exhaled with a choked laugh, "I'm afraid." He admitted and looked at Dean more earnestly, tears in his eyes, "I've seen it coming, I know I'll remember it all so clearly and so intensely. I don't want to relive that, I don't want to be there again. My mind is so much stronger now that I know if I'm there, if I'm within my own head, it'll all come back."_

_Dean reeled, "Wait, if you're in your own head? Where are you if you're not in your head?"_

" _Yours," Cas looked down, he seemed ashamed but Dean wasn't sure of what. "I've been hiding in here, I'm scared to connect to the rest of my mind."_

_Dean stood in silence, unsure of how to react to that. Cas was hiding in his head? "Your mind was literally in pieces…" he breathed as the thought came to him. "You broke off, you're not all of Cas' mind?"_

" _I'm not exactly sure what I am, I just know that I'm holding everything the drug stole from my head. I'm everything it broke off."_

" _A lot of pieces in one, then." Dean wasn't entirely sure he understood what he was hearing but he knew he had to believe it and take it as fully true. Castiel's face hadn't looked so intense in a while, Dean wasn't about to let this moment slip by. "So, whatever it is you're telling me, it means that if you get back into your head you'll remember?"_

" _Yes," Cas hesitated and fidgeted with his hands, "But Dean, listen to me, I don't think it's a good idea."_

" _What're you talking about? Of course it's a good idea. I know you're scared of remembering everything but don't you already know all of it?" Dean cupped Cas' cheek and smiled reassuringly, "You've been showing us these things in our dreams, you know it's real and you know what happened already."_

" _I do, but not all of me does. It's hazy, it's all foggy in my head and my conscious mind doesn't remember it all. I remember bits and pieces but nothing close to the whole thing. It'll be painful and horrifying and I think it's better if I don't go back in there." Cas reasoned as best he could as he started to get a little frantic to explain. "Haven't you seen the way I smile these days? Do you really want to take that away?"_

" _I've seen you smile," Dean spoke warmly, his thumb wiping across the small tear trail now on Cas' cheek. "But I've also seen how sad and torn up you are. It kills you to see people you should know make the same face every time they realize you don't remember them. Charlie hasn't slept right and is working herself to the bone to help you. I don't know him that well but I've seen Michael's face as he broke and I know it hurt you too." He smiled very gently as he watched Cas' eyes dart between Dean's, unsure of which to focus on. "It's okay," he whispered and leaned forward to touch his forehead to Castiel's. "I'm here, it's okay Cas."_

_Cas' jaw quivered and his lip trembled as he tried to steady himself but failed. "I'm scared," he choked out the words and Dean realized he'd never seen Cas' mental self so shaken._

" _I know," Dean nodded and moved to kiss Cas' forehead before going back to touching noses, "I'm scared too. We're all afraid, Cas, but sometimes we find something to feel strong enough to face that fear. Every day there's something to be terrified of, but people find a reason to get up in the mornings."_

" _This isn't like that,"_

" _Not exactly, no." Dean wrapped his arms around Cas and pulled him into a hug; he held tight as he felt Cas' fingers curl into his shirt. He had a thousand things he wanted to say but there were only a few that managed to get out of his throat and reach his mouth. "I just wanted to tell you that you're the reason I get up in the mornings. You mean the world to me, Castiel and I will do anything I can to help you. I know it's scary and I know it's going to hurt, but you gotta tear off that bandage. You think you're helping by keeping yourself from that pain, but you're going to do more damage if you never let yourself heal all the way."_

_Cas' face pressed hard against Dean's shoulder and a sob shuddered through his body. "Will you stay?" He barely managed the words and Dean immediately replied_

" _Yes, always."_

" _I can't do this alone," Cas whimpered and let himself be almost fully supported by Dean's arms around him, "Do you swear you'll be here?"_

" _I swear I'll never leave you, Cas." Dean stood firmly and projected his determination through his words as well as his presence. The world around them felt as intense as Dean did, reflecting his most inner feelings; it felt as though their surroundings were cradling Castiel as much as Dean was._

_It was a few moments before Castiel felt like he was relaxing; a soft laugh escaped him as he mumbled, "I love you too, Dean."_

_Dean smiled and rested his head against Cas' as he asked, "So will you go back to your own head?"_

" _I will," Cas sighed but didn't move, staying in Dean's arms for a little longer._

" _How long until I can talk to this part of you again?"_

_Castiel hummed and after another few seconds he leaned back so he could look at Dean's face again. Dean noticed the redness around Cas' eyes and the moisture that still resided in them, but he looked more comfortable somehow. "When I go to sleep next I'll pass back over to my mind and connect with the rest of myself." Cas took another deep breath, still preparing himself. "Don't tell me about this, okay? I don't know what might happen, if anything, if I'm aware of it."_

" _Sure thing, lips are sealed." Dean leaned in and stole a kiss, "I promise."_

* * *

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also I drew Cas, so enjoy!


	60. Chapter 60

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 60!!! What the fuck how did I get here?
> 
> You guys have been amazing so far and I'm so excited to be sharing this story with you all. I've been reading your comments so far and I'm glad you're pumped, I can't believe we're already at 60. Wow, so intense. 
> 
> Speaking of intense, enjoy some casual conversation between Michael and Bobby :D

_Earlier_

Michael wondered what Cas would do in town, or who would recognize Castiel Novak. He considered that some might call him, ask him what was up and all that. It was also possible their parents would see Cas too; Michael couldn't imagine how that conversation would go. Cas, fortunately, probably wouldn't know who they were so they'd get a good surprise in that regard. Though he wasn't sure that would even happen, he hadn't run into his parents in a long time and he lived in that city on a daily basis.

It was a comfort knowing that Charlie was going though; she could supervise and make sure nothing too intense happened.

Who the hell was he kidding with thoughts like that? As if he knew anything about what would be too intense for Cas, Dean Winchester had a much better idea about that than he did. Michael felt so far removed from Cas' life; part of him still thought it was his fault. Like he'd done something horribly wrong and because of that Cas ended up in some crazy bastard's basement for four years.

What could he have done differently? What did he do wrong?

Just two thoughts and they plagued him, swarmed him and created new branches of questions. He wanted to go back in time and fix it. He wished he had some kind of ability that would help. But he had nothing and he couldn't do anything but smile at Cas when they caught gazes.

What kind of hell was this? What did they do to deserve ending up this way?

Michael watched that Impala drive off with the taste of venom on his tongue and a wish for cyanide. He couldn't hurt anyone to make it better, there was no vengeance and he'd just have to stand there and take it.

And how selfish was he to think of himself in that moment? He was so consumed with how much he was hurting that he couldn't even consider that Cas had it far worse. How would he feel if he couldn't remember someone who looked at him that way? How would he react to one pain-filled expression after the other? It must've been torture on Cas to get that kind of treatment, like he was damaged or wrong.

Was he even helping by being around his little brother? Was his presence a hindrance?

Michael wanted to take Castiel home more than anything but he knew that would be far worse for both of them. If he'd gone along on the trip to town maybe he could've just shown Cas the outside of the building… He hadn't moved away, just in case Cas came home one day and wanted to find him easily.

There were plenty of things he could do to beat himself up over Cas' troubles but none of those seemed like they'd be of much use to anyone. Michael sighed and decided that hoping for the best was his only option. He would be as supportive as he could, watch what he said, and maybe he'd be able to do some good. Maybe he could make it up to Castiel somehow.

He heard Jet and the older gentleman, Bobby, speaking. It wasn't a conversation he should've been listening to but he heard the tail end of it all the same. He waited until Jet walked off before appearing and standing next to Bobby. Maybe he could get a better idea of Castiel's situation if he knew more about the people surrounding Cas, particularly the ones that freed him.

"Hey kid,"

"Hi," Michael gave a short wave and looked down the hall Jet had gone down, "He's a bit tough to talk to, huh?"

"Nah, you just gotta know his language."

Michael nodded silently for a moment, "So," he said as he looked for ways to converse further, "They didn't really tell me your relation in all this."

Bobby looked at him with a knowing smirk, "I look after the Winchesters,"

"Oh, you're their father?" Michael didn't see the resemblance at all, in fact wasn't this guy's name Singer?

Bobby saw his confusion and shrugged, "More or less, yeah. I'm not their biological dad, their parents died when they were little."

"Oh," Michael looked down, "Sorry, I didn't know."

"Well I was the first to tell you, of course you didn't know." Bobby chuckled and motioned for Michael to follow him. He seemed like he was well aware of Michael's struggling intention to get to know him and the others, Michael was grateful for Bobby's mercy on him.

They ended up walking to a sitting room and both sat down, Bobby exhaled evenly and looked at him, "How're you takin' all this?"

Michael wasn't really expecting a heartfelt moment with the old fellow of the group but he wouldn't really turn it down either. "As well as anyone can, I guess."

"Charlie doesn't sleep much, she says she's got insomnia but we always see her coming up from the basement in the morning."

"That's where the labs are, right?" Michael knew what Charlie would be up to if that's where they were. She hardly stood still after Cas went missing, of course sleeping would be off the table if she suddenly had a great lead about Cas' situation.

"It is, but you didn't go down there so I'm guessin' that you're handling this differently than her."

Bobby wasn't exactly wrong. Michael shrugged and fidgeted with his hands, folding them together and pulling them apart a few times. "There aren't a lot of ways to take this, my brother was tortured just outside of the town I lived in and I didn't help."

"Yeah," Bobby made a face that conveyed more of a 'hard to deny that' message than his single word could. "But that ain't your fault. You give yourself enough hell over this than Cas ever will, you know that right?"

"We can't say that until Cas is better,"

"And if he never gets 'better' the way you think he will?"

Michael bit his lip and shook his head, "I don't know. I have no idea what to do, alright? I'm just here, hoping I can be of some use."

Bobby seemed satisfied with that response, "Good answer," he looked Michael over, like he was assessing him or something. Michael really couldn't believe that these strangers could care so much about Cas in such a short amount of time. They evaluated his motivations, checked to make sure his heart was in the right place, and even went as far as to keep him at a distance because it wasn't good for Cas' health. Despite being a little annoyed with that, he couldn't help but admire them for it.

They didn't have any real proof about Cas' relation to his brother, Michael' could've been a manipulative prick as far as they knew. They took the time to be careful around people trying to get close to Cas and Michael wouldn't have done it any other way.

The two were quiet for a bit, it didn't feel awkward or strange, just comfortable silence. Michael leaned back and stared up at the ceiling, he couldn't help but wonder what he'd do if Cas never came back around. It'd be different if Cas wasn't so anxious around him, maybe he could just smile and do new things with Cas and show him how it used to be. But that wasn't so possible while Castiel couldn't handle being near him for long.

Even that was a little unfair to say, he'd only had one real interaction with Cas. Maybe it'd be okay? Cas just needed time to adjust, that was all…

"Michael," Bobby broke his train of thought and he looked up with a light grunt of acknowledgement. "You and Cas had a complicated relationship, didn't you?"

Yeah he admired that they were careful but it was still annoying to get the third degree. "Why do you ask?" Michael caught the defensive tone as he used it and tried to correct himself. He wanted to cooperate; he wanted to help and to be near Cas. To do that he'd have to share more about Castiel as well as himself. "I mean, we did, sort of. It was more that our parents made things complicated."

"Having to give everything you had and all that?"

"Yeah," he sighed and rubbed his face, he still regretted yelling that in Jet's face earlier. "We were pretty poor, my parents weren't ready to have me and I was a brat most of the time. They didn't have time for me, barely had enough food…"

"And then Cas came along?" Bobby asked surprisingly gently, like he'd had difficult childhood conversations many times before. Michael wasn't sure why but he felt comfortable talking to Bobby, kinda like a paternal vibe that drew in strays. It was more than just 'I have to share so I can be around Cas,' he actually wanted to tell Bobby about it. Hell, Bobby even seemed interested in the whole thing.

Michael just smiled at the thought of Cas coming along; those were some cute baby pictures. "He did, yeah. He was an accident too but my parents were very against abortions so they had to get ready for another kid they couldn't afford to have. They cleared out a storage space, stuffed me in there and made my room a nursery since it was the only room they'd ever baby-proofed."

"You know it's funny," Bobby nodded understandingly, a look of remembrance on his face as well. "When Dean first heard he was going to be a brother he was mad, had to share all his toys with this stranger, had to share his parents and all that. But as soon as he saw Sammy he flipped like a switch."

"Sounds familiar," Michael smiled at him and Bobby stifled a bit of a laugh. "I hated the idea of a new kid in the house too, but he was too cute."

"Changed your mind about hatin' him, huh?"

"I did, my parents fell in love with him pretty fast too. They told me to take care of him as we got older and Cas started going to school, they wanted to make sure he turned out well. I dunno, I never asked them why they started freaking out about that."

"Why not? Didn't feel like it?"

"No, I just figured they'd lie about it. I mean it was pretty obvious to me, I didn't need to ask to know they had their favourite."

Bobby looked apologetic, "When did they start demanding more from you? I figure it was a gradual change."

Michael paused and frowned as he thought about it a little more. "I got a job when I turned 16 and they started asking I buy stuff for Cas more and more. They would say they didn't have enough, we needed to pay rent et cetera, so I ended up paying for a lot of Cas' things, his clothes, school supplies, sometimes even his food. I worked my ass off and walked away with absolutely nothing to show for it."

"Your parents had a weird way of trying to make sure Cas turned out right," Bobby's face had scrunched up in a way that Michael felt a strong connection to. He would question himself later on why he connected so well to a man so much older than him, but until then he just nodded with a smile.

"Yeah, I think after a while they forgot what the main goal was. I mean Cas wasn't always perfect, he's a huge dork and believes in things my parents didn't. Regardless, the best we had to offer always went to Cas." He felt his chest tighten the more he lived in the past, the more he thought about how innocent Cas was. Michael took a slow breath, careful not to show emotional instability. He couldn't explain really why he wanted to talk to Bobby about these things when they hurt so much to talk about. He didn't have a lot to offer Castiel anymore but maybe what he knew could help people like Bobby understand Castiel better? Bobby could tell Dean and Dean could have a little more information about Cas, maybe that'd be useful.

He wanted to help his brother, he wanted to be there for Cas but he had nothing, it burned him to think so but he had to face facts. Castiel needed him to have his shit together; Cas did need him even if it wasn't the same way it used to be. Bobby was nice enough to wait and let Michael sort himself out before continuing again. "It got a little crazier after he showed potential as a singer, our folks went nuts imagining that he could get rich and famous and we'd all live wealthy lives."

"Let me guess, they basically told you to take care of yourself?"

"Pretty much. They didn't have to say it, I got the gist of it after they stopped getting me things for classes or asking me if I needed something from the store. It was all little things, you know? It was subtle and that made it easy to get used to, something I could just expect would happen." He laughed, "I guess that's why I complied so easily."

Bobby shook his head, "What is it with parenting that some people find so hard?"

"Sounds like you've experienced a thing or two," Michael couldn't help but laugh a little, "Met a few shitty parents in your day?"

"I sure have," Bobby adjusted his cap and looked distantly at the TV that wasn't even on. "Sam and Dean's parents were great, I mean their dad and I had some spats once in a while but nothing ever happened to make me think they were bad. Which I think is why the boys were hit so hard when they died."

"Losing your parents isn't easy, even if you don't like them that much."

"I suppose," the older man nodded though his expression said more in the ways of his disagreement.

"You don't agree?"

"Not everyone likes their parents and sometimes losing one is a better option."

Michael furrowed his brow, "Are you talking about you?"

"No, well, maybe a little but mostly it's about Jet." Bobby inhaled sharply through his nose and nodded his head, "Yeah that kid and I have a few things in common."

It made sense to Michael that Jet might've lost a parent too, the Winchesters had a connection to the guy and shitty childhoods could be a strong bonding point. Maybe that was why Cas felt connected to strangers like those three so easily? "He seems like the kinda guy who had some tough times."

"You could say that. Ask him sometime, you guys might bond over it."

Michael chuckled and shook his head, "No thanks, I'm pretty sure he'd rather punch me than tell me his life's story."

Bobby laughed; it was a mixture of a genuine laugh with a touch of bitterness. "He does like to punch, but if you decide to talk to him start with something about how your dad sucks and go from there."

"Right, I'm just gonna sit down and randomly say 'my dad sucks.' I'm sure he'll be thrilled with that conversation."

"Some tact would be beneficial."

Michael smiled; he liked Bobby. An older fellow who had seen some shit, helped troubled kids, and just generally wanted to be a good guy. "You know, I think you'd be a good influence on Cas."

Bobby looked at him for a brief moment of thought and slowly nodded, like he knew where Michael was coming from. "He does seem to like me. Should'a heard him try and say my name the first time."

"His speech was that bad, huh?" Michael heard himself ask and questioned the intelligence of it immediately. Did he really want to know that? Like he didn't have enough staples in his board of why he should feel miserable about what happened to Cas.

"He had some work to do," Bobby was merciful in his answer and Michael felt a little wave of relief in that.

Before they could continue their conversation, however, there was a very strange sound from upstairs. It was like an animal, something vicious or terrified and backed into a corner. "What the hell was that?" Michael leaned forward, ready to stand up and go check it out but he hesitated. He wasn't sure he wanted to deal with whatever that was.

"I think it was Desirae," Bobby got up and walked out the door, Michael cautiously followed.

"Desirae is the other experiment victim, right?" he asked as he followed Bobby's quickening footsteps.

"Yeah, Jet took her out of a cage downstairs, she's been attached to him ever since. Big fan of Cas."

They approached the entrance and looked up at the different levels, unsure of whether or not they should call out or try to be stealthy. Michael heard Jet yell something and very soon after the tiny cat-girl he'd barely learned about darted past them. She was fast, inhumanly fast and he'd barely been able to tell it was her.

Bobby called after her but she was gone down the hall, a door opened and slammed and that was all he heard from her. Michael looked at Bobby worriedly, "Does she do that often?"

"I've never seen her freak out, no." Bobby spoke low, his expression was strained with concern and his eyes seemed a bit clouded in thought.

They expected Jet to follow but neither of them expected Jet to enter the way he did, though the stone stairs made little noise Jet wasn't as silent. He crashed onto the floor in front of Michael and Bobby, curses and hissing sounds of pain making it past his lips. He curled in on himself after his harsh impact with the ground and swore a little louder to himself.

"Jet!?" Bobby exclaimed as he dropped down at Jet's side, "You alright, kid?"

Jet started to get up without an answer, his arm was bleeding and Michael felt a little sick when he saw the torn flesh. It was deep and looked terrible, Jet was definitely in pain and wasn't silent about it. "Get your shit together!" He snarled at himself and pulled himself to his feet about to follow after Desirae.

"Wait!" Bobby yelled at him and Jet froze up, glancing back over his shoulder. "You're hurt, what the hell happened?"

"I don't have time to explain!" Jet barked back and kept moving, he shouted his babbling explanation over his shoulder instead. "I fucked up and she flipped out like Cas does, she bit me and panicked and ran away, I gotta find her!" The last part was a little harder to hear as he was getting further away.

Michael had to admire the fact that Jet would still explain despite saying he didn't have time, he knew it had to have something to do with respect for Bobby. He looked over at the older man, "Should we follow him?"

"I'll get the first aid kit," Bobby sighed and went off another direction, "We should let him handle this for now, but he'll need some attention when he's done being a dumbass."

Michael had a bad feeling about it, but maybe that was more because he had much less experience with the experiments that happened. He was a little focused on the statement 'she flipped out like Cas does.' It felt like every time he learned a little bit more information he had a shit-ton more questions to ask.


	61. Chapter 61

Jet watched the Impala drive away, his arms folded comfortably over his chest and no words to speak. He bit lightly at the inside of his cheek, unsure of what he should do next. Desirae was upset with him, she wanted pretty badly to go to town with Cas but he wouldn't let her. And while he was sure someone might try to argue he wanted to keep her inside and not let her venture into the real world, a prisoner of a different kind, he would deny it. To him it was clear what he was trying to do, not that everyone always understood but most of the time it sorted itself out.

In this particular case he didn't know how to explain to her that he had no idea how to keep others from figuring out she wasn't entirely human. Her not being human wasn't wrong or anything; he didn't care what she was but he didn't trust others to be like him. He knew first hand that the world wasn't exactly fair to begin with, he could be the nicest, sweetest kid but he'd be judged just by how he looked without a second thought. How would it go for her? She had a tail for starters, plus all the fur that was present. Hell, even if she didn't have any obvious animalistic traits she would still have a hard time.

Jet ran his hands through his hair and wandered away from the window, he could taste a familiar coppery flavour and remembered he was still biting his cheek. As he brushed his tongue past a new sore spot Bobby spooked him with a sudden appearance.

"Thinking too much again,"

"A little," Jet shoved his hands in his pockets and looked up at Bobby with a smirk, "Had no idea taking care of a kid was so much fun."

"Yeah just wait," Bobby chuckled, "Teen years come and then you realize how old you are and it's all weird after that."

Jet nodded, still prodding his cheek with his tongue as he sorted his thoughts. "Not downhill though? Just weird?"

"Well," Bobby exhaled heavily and looked around the entrance, "I mean it depends on what kind of person you are. Some people regret having kids after finding out that kids can be trouble. Yeah it's hard work, but every relationship is. You can't have a good one with your kids if you don't treat them like they're worth it."

He furrowed his brow at that, "What do you mean?"

"Some parents expect that they deserve a relationship with their kid just because they brought that child into the world. It ain't like that, kids are people and you gotta put work into that relationship. It's usually around the teen years that the kids start to realize how they're being treated and that they don't want to be taken for granted and so on."

"Sounds complicated."

"Always is."

Jet never imagined he'd be getting any sort of 'parenting' advice during that summer break, but there he was talking to Bobby about it.

"You nervous?" Bobby asked in a tone that Jet knew was leading to other areas involving the whole parenting thing.

"What's there to be nervous about?" Jet laughed it off and headed for the stairs, he knew Desirae would be sulking in his room.

"Hmm," Bobby hummed, it was clear he was expecting more of a conversation out of the topic but Jet wasn't so sure he wanted to have it just yet. "You can talk to me, kid." He called after Jet's retreating back.

"I know," Jet replied without looking over his shoulder and walked out of Bobby's vision.

Jet didn't want to address any sort of issue he might hold with the whole him and Desirae situation, it felt like it might just be stupid. He'd seen it before in movies, in games, in shows and so on. He didn't have a great childhood and that would manifest in him being afraid of being a shitty father or something. The thing was he didn't really think he was afraid of that, he was certain he was at least half decent with kids and if nothing else he'd be a fun big brother.

It was starting to get to him that there was this thought floating around that he was a father figure at all. She hadn't said it, he hadn't said it, and yet it was kinda there. And while he would've thought it was just in his head Sam had told him to watch himself because Desirae would be copying him. He wasn't ready to be that kind of role model for the rest of his life, she'd be swearing like a sailor in a month.

Being a protective guardian wasn't an issue, he repeated it to himself to try and drill it into his head. Desirae was adorable and he wanted to help her, which of course meant that he'd have to be around for quite some time since she was so young. That was fine, it wasn't like she was an infant and even then, Jet wasn't really doing it alone. Sam was there, Dean had his hands full with Cas but that didn't mean Jet couldn't ask. Hell, even Bobby was willing to give his two cents.

No, he wasn't worried about all of that. Out of the many things that could terrify him about raising kids, the one that got to him was letting her down. He didn't want to disappoint her, he didn't want her to get hurt because he was careless, he just wanted things to go well. But that was rarely the case with growing up.

Amidst his confused thoughts, Jet wandered right up to his door and found that it was locked from the other side. "Rae?" He asked and knocked lightly, "You mind opening the door, kiddo?"

"No." A short and angry response came immediately, she probably smelled him coming. "I'm mad at you."

Jet smiled a little and sat down against the wall next to the door, "I know you are,"

"Why can't I go too?" She wasn't any less upset than she was when he first gave her the news.

"I don't really have a good answer," he admitted, "To be honest I'm a little stuck." He waited as she was quiet, while he was hoping she'd sit down and talk to him she responded much differently.

"That's dumb."

Jet laughed and nodded, "Yeah, it is kinda dumb."

But despite her little protest the door did click and open, she was frowning at him but he just smiled. "Hey sweetheart,"

"Why can't I go?" She asked him for the hundredth time since he'd given her the news initially.

"There are a few reasons," he didn't get up from the floor, just looked at her on an almost even level. "You'll get to go soon, okay?"

"Why not now?"

"Because right now it's Cas' turn,"

"You already said that." Her nostrils flared as her mouth pulled up in a small snarl.

"And you already asked me why I said no, yet here we are again." He leaned his head back and sighed while she huffed angrily at him.

They were quiet for a little bit, she didn't move and neither did he. Her tail twitched agitatedly and he noticed again that he was nipping at the aggravated part of his cheek. "I have a question for you," he asked and accidentally startled her by suddenly speaking. Desirae's eyes were on him but she didn't reply for another few seconds.

"What?"

"Can you forgive me?" He looked at her without his smirking or any sign of deceit or joking, the last thing he wanted was to be accused of trying to manipulate a small child. Desirae on the other hand just looked at him. She curled her bottom lip in and pressed her mouth into a tight line, he wasn't really sure what she was thinking. If he had to guess he'd say she wanted to forgive him as much as she wanted to hate him for it.

"Maybe," she decided and went to sit in his lap. It was pretty clear to him that she wasn't happy with any of it. She was thinking, her mind was ahead of her age and he knew that was because of the cloning and all the weird experiments involved. He knew that there was unrest in her mind and it wouldn't be so easy.

If he could travel time he wouldn't have told her. He would've told Dean to take Cas alone, make it a date or a secret or something like that. Jet wished he could take it back but he couldn't, this was the bed he'd made and lying in it was all he had left to do.

"I wanted to go too," Desirae was angry at the forefront, there was far more to it but she pushed anger ahead of the rest of it. It hurt to think of it, he'd just created a situation where she had to choose if she would be sad or angry about the pain inflicted. "I want to see it too."

Jet didn't really know what to say but he knew he couldn't stay silent after that. "It's not ready," he wasn't sure if he meant the town wasn't ready for someone like her, or his disguise for her, but she didn't really give him time to think it over.

"Nothing's ready!" She shouted right into his face, a sharp edge to her words. "I don't wanna hide! I don't wanna stay inside anymore! You promised me you'd get me out, you liar!"

"Rae, it's not like that," he tried to explain but she growled loudly to cut him off.

"Stop lying!" She tried to leap away from him, decided to take back the 'maybe I'll forgive you thought, but he saw it coming and caught her arm to pull her back.

"Listen, I didn't lie to you," he insisted as calmly as he could while he held her still to try and keep her attention. It wasn't working; she wasn't having any of his shit.

"Let go of me! Leggo!" Desirae struggled hard and it was then that Jet realized just how much strength they'd put into such a tiny frame. It took most of his energy to just hold her still and even then he could barely accomplish it. She wasn't using it to hurt him, just to get away.

"Calm down," he strained to speak casually as she pushed against him; her attempts weren't working though. She wasn't facing him but ended up closer and took advantage of her proximity by pulling her into a tight hug, hoping that'd work. "Desirae please listen to me-"

"I don't wanna!" She threw her head back but only hit his collarbone, he was silently grateful that he'd kept his head away from that kind of contact. Not that it didn't hurt like a bitch, because it absolutely did.

"Lemme go!"

"I'm trying to help!" He snapped back and immediately regretted it when she snarled at him in return.

"Well you're not! I'm sick of being in a cage!" She emphasized that last part by kicking him in the leg, and though it hurt as much as his collarbone he didn't let go. He didn't want her to run, he didn't want to lose her so soon.

There was a flash of blue in the hall, her eyes were glowing just like Cas' did and she shrieked in a way that was so far from human. She'd hit panic and completely lost it, Jet wasn't sure what to do but he didn't have enough time to think about it for the third damn time.

Desirae's immediate thought process was that she was trapped, backed into a corner with no way out. She took half a second to go from crying out to biting the first part of Jet that was available. Pain shot up his arm and he instinctually dropped her with a sharp scream of his own.

She stumbled back against the wall after leaping away from his grasp and her eyes flashed back to normal though far wider. She stared in awe at the blood that spilled from his arm as he curled it against his chest to try and stop it.

"Oh my god," she gasped and covered her mouth and nose. Her breathing was erratic and she started visibly shaking. "No… did I do that?"

"Rae," Jet went back to trying to keep his tone calm as his heart rate increased, worried more for her well being than his. "Are you okay?" He was steady but she wasn't.

She was shaking more, terrified as an uncontrolled whimper came out of her, "What did I do?"

"I'm fine, are you okay?" He repeated more sternly and she didn't look like she was going to answer at all. He'd never seen her freak like that, Cas had done it before he regained any control over his mind but she was so level that he never thought she would. She didn't look like she was aware she could do that either.

"I'm so sorry," she cowered against the wall and Jet immediately felt sick.

"No, no, no, don't be sorry," he said quickly and smiled at her, "It's alright, it was my fault. I should've-" she started to run mid sentence, "-wait! Rae!" He rushed to his feet and felt an instant regret as his head spun. He hit the floor again before he regained his bearings and climbed back up. Curses left his lips but he didn't keep track of them, Desirae was quick enough without a goddamn head start.

He ran down the hall toward the stairs and felt his legs waver just in time to know what was about to happen seconds before falling down the staircase. He hit the floor at the bottom and curled up instinctively as the pain settled in; he heard Bobby and Michael but didn't pay any attention to them for the moment. His mind quickly circled back around to the wound on his forearm; how much fucking blood had he lost? Did he just stand up too fast?

Jet took a glance at it and wished he hadn't looked at all, it was always worse when you looked at the damn injury. Desirae hadn't hit a vein or anything from what he could tell, there wasn't enough blood for that but she had torn an ugly scar in the skin. The pain had definitely disoriented him; he wasn't expecting it to hurt so much and he wasn't used to that kind of feeling anymore.

" _Get your shit together,"_ he snarled at himself, he had to find out where she'd go. She would want to hide from him, she would want to be in a place that would be tough for him to find her in but not tough for her.

Basement? Maybe.

He forced himself to stand again and as he took a few steps Bobby yelled after him.

"You're hurt, what the hell happened?"

"I don't have time to explain!" He shouted right back and bolted toward the basement entrance, he knew he should explain something so it came out in a less than helpful sentence but it was good enough. They knew Desirae had done it, they knew he was chasing after her, and that was all they needed.

He stumbled around the corner and nearly ran Garth over, "Move it shorty," he slipped past without knocking the other guy to the ground but made no attempt at an apology.

"Sorry!" Garth called after him as he reached the basement door and threw it open. There was a more distant 'Wait, is that blood? Are you okay!?' but he didn't stop to answer.

The stairs seemed steeper than he remembered but he didn't hesitate or stop to think about how to get down safely this time. He held onto the rail with his right arm, the good one, and hauled ass down the steps and careened into the main lab. The door on the other side was left open, the one leading down into the cages where charred remains of other experiments were left unattended.

"Fuck me," Jet cursed under his breath and continued down the last set of stairs and ran across the room. He glanced up at the monitors that were left on, Charlie liked to do that, but he didn't see Desirae at all.

He ran through the door and looked around in the dim lighting, the first part was a straight shot, but it branched off. Where the hell would she go? "RAE!" He screamed as loud as he could, he knew she had amazing hearing in comparison to him so she was bound to know he was looking for her.

There wasn't exactly a plan in his head but he couldn't let that stop him from looking for her, he had to talk to her right away before she did something stupid. "Come back!"

Jet winced and looked down at his arm again, seeing it still made him queasy but he couldn't ignore it. He pulled his sweater over his head and wrapped it tightly around his arm, he had to use the railing next to him to help and it made him hiss in pain again. He knew he'd have to keep the sounds of anguish to himself if he wanted Desirae to come out of hiding.

It was a crude tourniquet type thing but it did the trick, most of the sweater was bunched on the wound and the sleeves were tightly wrapped around to help with the bleeding. He shuddered, it was a little colder down there with just a t-shirt but he added that up to blood loss and kept moving forward. He couldn't leave her alone, not after what she just experienced. Losing control was one thing but the look on her face was more tortured than a kid her age should ever be.

"Rae!" he called again as he hurried along, choosing directions to move just based on his gut instinct. She'd go deeper in, further down. Maybe the basement was like a maze, but he was willing to bet that several areas coincided into the same place even if some ways took longer to get there. "I promise I'm okay, sweetheart." He kept his volume loud as he occasionally tried to speak to her, hoping that maybe she'd listen. "Just come back upstairs with me, we can talk about this," His stomach felt unwell and his chest was tight as he moved forward, he was running full tilt and before he knew it he came to the cage he'd gotten Desirae from.

"Please be in here," he muttered and walked inside, the floor was scorched and it didn't look like anything was there. His eyes were focused on the hole she had been in before but it was dark, he couldn't see inside until he was right next to it. All that was there was the remains of whatever food she had left behind.

Jet groaned and dropped his head against the wall, "Damn it… knew that'd be too easy." He sighed and went back to the walkway, the only option left was to go deeper inside than he had ever done. Fear crept up his spine and lingered in his skin, his eyes scanned the dim passageway and he took a deep breath. Goddamn did he wish Sam was there; but he knew that Sam wasn't coming. He'd have to go in and get Desirae on his own, after all it was his fault she went down there in the first place.

"I'm coming, kiddo." He said as he put his own self-preservation instincts aside and ran further in.


	62. Chapter 62

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where is everyone lol
> 
> Also blood warning in this one, we got some limb dismemberment

Jet could barely feel his arm when he decided to pay attention to it, it worried him a little but he didn't want to focus on it. A quick glance down told him it was still there and that was all he needed to know for now. He still couldn't find Desirae but he was hopeful that he was getting close.

He paid attention to the time and knew he'd been down there for over an hour already, it gave him some comfort that his phone still worked down there enough to tell him the time. Worst case scenario and he started to pass out because of his arm he'd be able to call or text for some help.

But he kept an upbeat attitude about that and decided that he wasn't going to need help - as if that would somehow magically stop his limb from hurting or something.

"Rae," he called again, intermittently because he was sure she knew he was looking now. It was just a little boost in case she'd lost track of him. He had no hopes he'd be able to sneak up on her, she was much faster than him and she would undoubtedly hear him coming.

The paths still twisted and turned and he questioned the design of that place. It probably had something to do with underground power lines and pipes, but in that case why didn't they just dig it a little deeper? Whatever, he didn't plan on wracking his brain over it.

What did bug him though was how dim it was down there. Jet was pretty sure there was an option to light the way somewhere at the control panel, but unfortunately he hadn't stopped to check for it. Instead he walked through the low lighting areas, glancing into every cage he passed by. They were all closed off, burnt floors and some charred remains; no signs of life. Dean had told him about how they burned whatever might be left, he couldn't imagine being one of those still alive during that. All he could really do was hope it had been painless.

As he continued forward the path branched off several times, it definitely connected to other paths and he was well aware he could get very fucking lost down there. To pace himself he took moments to just walk and others to run when he got his energy up again. He knew that he'd lost her but he was hell bent on finding her again, Desirae wasn't getting away from him. The fact that she went into the basement told him she was feeling horrible about herself, like she belonged with other monstrosities that used to live down there. He wasn't sure she knew about them all being dead though, he guess he'd have to have a talk about that too.

Time was ticking by, he noticed he'd gone around in a circle at least once and all he could imagine was Sam and the others, just having fun and showing Cas around town. _'Why'd I have to be an idiot…_ ' He scolded himself tiredly.

Just as he was starting to think that he was going to get nowhere he heard footsteps, they were faint but he knew that he heard them. "Rae!" He called as he circled around the next bend; it led to an open door that would've concealed a long hallway with several doors. This hall was cleaner and looked newer than the rest. Jet guessed that one of the earlier branching paths led to this one and he'd just taken the long way around.

But the important part was that the door had been opened, Desirae was definitely inside somewhere. Jet moved forward, taking note of the change in his surroundings. Down the hall, way down, he saw a door was slightly open and fluorescent light poured out.

"Rae," he ran down the hall, past a few turn offs and skidded to a stop before he reached the room. The door wasn't just open, it was broken. His stomach twisted and he felt the urge to book it the opposite direction and get the fuck out. But he didn't leave, he carefully inched closer and looked at the door and the way it was bent.

The door was solid steel, the outside was untouched but the half the faced the inside of the room was bent, scarred and even burned in many places. Jet looked at where the door should've connected to the wall, claw marks had dug into the metal like it was made of clay, destroying the frame.

"Rae?" he asked more tentatively but he knew that whatever did this to the wall couldn't possibly be her. He looked up into the room next, unsure if he even wanted to. The walls were similarly scratched and there were more cells inside with numbers clearly labelling the doors. Jet didn't have to guess at what they meant for too long, he knew they were the labels of the different Castiel clones.

He recalled the video where MacLeod let the failed experiments loose in one room but he knew that the one he was looking at definitely wasn't the same one. Those failed experiments, or whichever one lasted until the end, was probably still around. He hadn't seen the main cameras point to anything like the room he was looking at, it must've been under a different set or folder on the main computer.

The clones that hadn't been pitted against Cas in different tests were still around, there was at least one that was strong enough to break through the door. Jet swallowed nervously and felt the urge to yell swiftly diminishing.

What the absolute fuck was he supposed to do now? The hair on the back of his neck stood on end and he questioned the intelligence of remaining downstairs. Not that he was going to leave without Desirae, but he knew he had to hurry the hell up if he wanted to make it out of there with both of their lives intact.

Jet cautiously peered into the room, there wasn't any sign of a person or clone. "Desirae?" he whispered, his heart rate increasing the more he recalled hearing those footsteps. He hadn't even considered that it might not be Des walking around. The basement was never all that safe but the thing that made Jet's chest tighten was the fact that the rest of the house wasn't safe anymore. This was something they would absolutely have to deal with.

He took out his phone and tried to call Sam, the reception didn't quite get through. He grumbled and typed up a text instead.

_Hey babe, I don't want to ruin your trip to town but I need you guys home ASAP. Long story short the basement is crawling with Cas clones – call Bobby because I got shit reception._

Typing that message was a bitch with one arm; Jet lifted the phone up and waited until the message barely managed to slip through. Apparently just because his phone had a bar or two it didn't mean anything in the ways of a decent phone call. "Fuckin' figures," he mumbled and put his phone in his pocket for safe keeping.

He had a hunch that Desirae was the one who opened the door from the other section of the basement to this one, she was leaving doors open behind her so far, and it was all he really had to go on. Dumb luck had gotten him this far in life, he figured it was fair to rely on it a little further.

Jet took quieter steps as he continued down the corridors, the lighting wasn't as dark but it still wasn't as bright as he expected a facility to have. Probably power saving mode or something, whatever. He noticed that the floor was scratched in places, like the thing that broke out had run in a frenzy down the hall.

Part of him demanded he go another way but he could only imagine that the thing was chasing a food source if it was going to leave scratches like a dog on a smooth surface. He fought his better judgement and ran ahead, he was terrified for himself but it was so much worse when he thought about the food source being Desirae. _'Please don't be her, please don't be her.'_ He begged silently to himself as he followed the markings.

It wasn't long before he heard whimpering mixed with a vicious snarl, it was distant but there was only one direction to go. Jet ran as fast as his legs could carry him, small shrieks and loud crashing noises were next and he pushed himself as hard as he could. Skidding around the next turn he saw Desirae with her back pinned to a wall, she was cowering on the floor and staring up with wide eyes at a pale, familiar figure.

Castiel's clone was more deformed than Cas himself, it had an extra set of arms and fingers that came to a defined point. Its jaw had dropped open wider than any human should be able to, just like Cas could. It had several rows of teeth that were all bared for its prey to see. Jet didn't stop to admire the thing any longer, he bolted down the stretch of hallway between him and Desirae.

The clone snapped its jaw with a high pitched whine that dropped into a growl, it had finally cornered its dinner and it was going to enjoy eating after its starvation. Except it didn't count on an extra person being there. The thing lunged to make the kill and connected with a mound of fabric attached to a very pissed off stranger.

"You hungry?" Jet sneered and clenched his jaw as the clone's teeth pierced the sweater that was wrapped around his arm. He'd lodged it into the thing's mouth to stop it from getting Desirae and had hoped that maybe there was enough sweater to stop its teeth from getting through. He wasn't entirely right.

"Jet!" Desirae cried out, she sounded terrified, relieved, and ashamed all at once. She was out of breath and still violently shaking, but Jet imagined that was more connected to the bitch trying to eat him at that moment.

"I got him, kiddo." Jet reassured her but before he could tell her to run he heard another snarling sound from the part of the hall he'd just come from. He spared a glance and saw another clone, its animal enhancements were more of the feral cat type and its size certainly showed it. "Oh c'mon," he sighed just before the one he was dealing with tried to snap its jaw another time.

Jet cursed loudly and reeled to punch the thing in the head. "Let go you son of a bitch!" He shouted as he repeatedly, and frantically pummelled its head. The clone snarled into his skin and started to shake its head like a dog with a chew toy.

In that moment Jet broke free, but not because the thing let go of him. He stumbled back, his eyes wide as he tried to register his freedom and the pain in the same few seconds. A roar echoed from the other clone and it started to run forward.

He didn't have time to think.

Jet turned and grabbed Desirae with one arm and held her tight to his chest as he ran. He heard a clash behind him, one clone shrieking as the other tore into it. Though it would've been one hell of a fight he didn't think twice, he had to get the fuck out of there.

"Jet," Desirae's voice was shaky, "Jet your arm-"

"I know," he huffed, his head was starting to spin and he felt sick but he couldn't stop. "Don't look at it, okay?"

"You need to stop the bleeding," she looked up at him with wide, terrified eyes that glowed nearly as bright as Castiel's. She looked him over quickly and used her nails to easily cut off the base of his shirt, he would've complained but midriff was the least of his problems. Desirae tied it close to the base of where it was torn and tightened it. Jet bitched loudly at first but tried to shut himself up, cutting off circulation was the entire point and of course that wasn't going to be painless.

He was running out of breath and knew he needed a break or he'd pass out. He looked around quickly for another room, a place to hide, anything. They didn't come across one of those at first but he realized that he recognized the area they were entering. The door to the rest of the basement was just ahead, he could close those experiments in and then maybe he'd be off scot free.

They slipped through the door and he turned to close it, slamming it shut with a grunt and leaning his head against it as he desperately tried to catch his breath. "Holy shit…" he wheezed.

"Jet," Rae was pulling at his shoulder, her nails digging in a little.

"What is it-" he froze when he saw a set of bright shining eyes. There was a clone about five feet away from them, its head turned almost 180 degrees to stare at them in still silence. "Ffffffuuuuuck…" he breathed quietly despite knowing that this thing clearly saw them.

It screeched once but didn't move, eyes still wide and staring like an owl's. Once again it showed off a lovely set of teeth, this time it only had one set but they were filed, sharp like a predator's. Jet wished he could ask MacLeod what his fetish was with predators, but then again he had a shit load of questions about a lot of things so that single curiosity wasn't all that special.

Jet wasn't sure what the hell to do, the thing screeched again, this time turning around fully to face them. It looked mostly human other than its odd posture, unlike the last two. Jet's mouth pulled tight, he glanced down at Desirae who stared at this thing, terrified and clinging to Jet for safety. He looked back at it, neither of them moved. His heart rate was ridiculously fast now, running didn't help that.

It screeched one more time and Jet screeched right back, mimicking the noise. The thing hissed and arched up in response.

"Why'd you do that!?" Desirae cried and he took a few steps back.

"I don't know! I had to do something!" He shouted and dove to the floor, just managing to dodge the thing's first assault. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!" He scrambled along the floor and struggled to stand back up. All he had to do was make it out of the basement, close the door and they'd be okay. That's all. They'd be fine.

The clone growled and roared, its mouth was hanging open and it panted heavily as it stalked closer to them again. It sniffed the air and its tongue hung out, it was fixated on getting something to eat. Ravenous was the only word that reached Jet's head to really describe the look he was getting.

"I'm scared," Desirae whimpered through a sob, "I'm scared."

Jet stopped backing away. What was he doing? He'd never out run this thing, it'd tear him apart as soon as it got the chance. Despite the shakiness of his legs he stood firm, "Get on my back, Rae."

"What?" She looked up at him but he didn't take his eyes off the snarling clone crawling slowly forward.

"On my back, now."

She listened, just in time for the thing to spring forward again. Jet jumped out of its way, keeping his back angled away at all times. Claws caught the front of his t-shirt and tore part of it further, but it missed his skin. Jet clenched his teeth and undid his belt, sliding it off his jeans and wrapping part of it around his wrist. He wasn't sure what to do with it but it was better than using absolutely nothing.

The clones could be made of anything. He knew that the one in front of him could have strength like Castiel and Desirae. It could have enhanced senses like the successful clones seemed to have. And on top of all of that it was starving and looking to eat just about anything. Jet held steady and glanced down at his left arm; his forearm was still partially attached, hanging by torn muscle but not much else. Maybe he could give it a snack.

Jet exhaled heavily and grabbed onto the dangling forearm, he couldn't feel anything in it anymore, Desirae had tied the cloth pretty damn tight. He swallowed, his mouth was dry and he was sure he'd throw up. Jet took a deep breath and pulled on what was left of his arm with all of his might. The clone's eyes followed the dismembered limb as the last of the tissue tore and splattered blood across the floor in front of it.

He threw the limb and the clone jumped at it, jaw snapping open and shut as it chased a possible meal. Jet turned and booked it again, rushing down the hall and praying there weren't more clones waiting for them.

"You just ripped off your arm…" Desirae muttered, shock was the only feeling Jet was getting out of her.

"I did." He gasped, he was starting to feel really out of shape though mangling his arm was a pretty good excuse. "Don't worry, I'm fine."

"You're lying," she buried her face against his shirt.

"Sorry," he laughed a little, "I'm a liar."

"Why?" her voice was muffled but he still heard it.

"I've always been a liar, I don't know why."

"No," She lifted her head and looked up at him, he only barely chanced a glance down at her before he had to watch where he was going again. "I mean why would you come and get me?"

"I'll explain more later," he huffed, "But I did it because I love you."

She didn't need much more than that, though. "I love you too," she sniffled, he could tell she was wiping her face on his shirt and despite everything that was going wrong he laughed.


	63. Chapter 63

Cas was left in charge of carrying the bags of things that he and Sam purchased, he was stronger so it made sense. However he was severely tempted to just start eating from their items, he was pretty hungry and it was right there. "Don't," Sam said as Cas reached into one.

"How did you know?"

"Dean is my brother and my boyfriend is Jet, I'm well versed in food thieves," Sam smirked and Cas believed him.

"Can I have one? I'm hungry,"

Sam looked at him and Cas did his best to look cute. "Alright," it took about a second to accomplish.

"Thank you!" He beamed and suddenly realized he had to decide which thing he wanted most. Cas looked at the different items with utmost seriousness while Sam checked his phone. "Hmm," he reached in and stopped, thinking, then removing his hand to stare at the contents again.

"Oh shit," Sam interrupted his decision making, "C'mon Cas, we gotta get back to the mansion."

"What?" Cas looked up and saw the worry on Sam's face, "What happened?"

"Jet messaged me a while ago," Sam was hurrying out of the crowd looking for Dean and Charlie, "Why didn't I check sooner? Goddamn it."

"What did he say?" Cas trotted up to keep pace with Sam, he could feel his chest getting heavier. Sam looked so worried. "What happened?"

"He said there are clones all over the basement, why is he even in the basement!?"

Cas' mouth went dry, Sam was frazzled and once they found the others they'd head back home. When they got back home Dean would be in danger. He opened his mouth but stopped, there was no way they'd listen to him when he told them to stay away from the house. "What do you plan on doing?" He asked, hoping to sound more curious than anything else.

"Jet's in trouble, I'm going to go home and help him with whatever stupid plan he's got going." Sam sounded so concerned it hurt a little, and Cas understood why. If Dean was back in the house and gave Cas that kind of news he wasn't sure what he'd do with himself.

But it wasn't just comparing Sam's feelings for Jet to his own feelings for Dean, it was about a friend too. Cas appreciated Jet and liked him, it scared him to know that Jet was facing clones on his own. He needed help and considering Sam said the message was sent a while ago, Jet probably needed help fast. So he needed a plan, he needed to get to Jet fast but he also needed to keep Dean from getting there and getting hurt.

"Dean!" Sam shouted and waved, Cas looked up with a sick stomach to see Dean was pretty close by. "Charlie, did you guys get any messages?"

"Depends on who from, I talked to Garth."

"No, from Jet."

"No… why?" Charlie glanced at Dean who shrugged and they both stared at Sam.

"Jet texted me a while ago," Sam explained and lifted his phone up, "He said that the basement is crawling with clones and he needs us back as soon as possible."

"What!?" Dean jumped to his feet, anger and worry etched into his face. "Shit, you serious? We gotta get moving."

"My thoughts exactly," Sam hurried to the street with the rest of them right on his heels. Cas followed them the few blocks all the way to the Impala, his heart in his throat. What could he do? How could he stop them?

Then he saw Dean pull out the keys to the car and he knew he had to move. Cas threw himself at Dean and tackled him to the ground as he shouted "DEE!"

Dean was shocked to the say least, but he stared up at Cas with more surprise than enraged confusion. Castiel was perched on top of his boyfriend, legs on either side of Dean's waist and he was leaned in extremely close. Their noses touched and he smiled sadly, his hand reaching up to hold Dean's hand, "I love you," he whispered and kissed Dean sweetly.

"Cas," Dean was still confused, a little distracted and he didn't notice until it was too late that Castiel had the car keys in his hand. "Hey-"

Cas leapt off of Dean and hopped backward, throwing the coat to the ground and spreading his wings, "I'm sorry, I'll give them back later." He said as they all shouted his name in near unison. "I can't let you get hurt, I'm sorry." He then hurled himself into the air with a powerful push from his wings.

"CAS!" Dean's voice faded fast as did the city below him, buildings flew by and he could see it all for the moment that he dared to look.

Flying back to the mansion was simple, that was the easiest part in all of the current events. He could see the building already, he praised his good vision and hurdled through the air straight for it. Dean would forgive him, he knew that but it still hurt to do what he did. Dean trusted him unconditionally just before he took off, and now maybe that was over. But if Dean lived through the next fight that Cas would have to undergo then it was worth it, he'd be able to forgive himself too.

Cas landed just outside the front door and pushed it open, Bobby, Michael, and Garth were all in the hall in front of the basement door but they just stood there waiting. "What's happened?" Cas demanded as he marched in, wings folded neatly behind his back. He noticed immediately that there was the smell of blood, it was faint but someone was hurt.

To his surprise they all looked unaware, no one was concerned in the slightest. "It's not a big deal," Bobby waved at him with a smile, "Desirae freaked out and Jet got a little hurt but it's fine, the boy's been through worse."

Cas furrowed his brow, "Where is he?"

"Downstairs, they both are." Michael nodded to the door, "We're waiting for him to come back out, Bobby's got the first aid-"

"And the clones?" Cas interrupted, he felt a little bad about it but he was in a hurry. "Did he tell you about the clones?"

All three looked confused and pretty much gave Cas his answer.

"Jet messaged Sam saying there were clones in the basement! How long have they been down there?" He asked but he didn't want to wait for an answer; any amount of time was too long. Cas pushed past them and darted down the stairs, his heart in his throat as he entered the main lab. It was a long, tall room and perfect for him to glide across to the door on the far side. It had been left open, which made his stomach churn. Whatever happened between Jet and Desirae happened fast.

Cas folded his wings and stepped into the dark hall, his eyes lit up the area as his first real realization that he was scared to be there. But he couldn't afford to be a coward; it wasn't just one friend but two that needed him now.

The first thing he noticed as he hurried down the path was the scent of blood again; it was faded and distant but different than it had been upstairs. Cas stopped moving forward and listened carefully, he didn't want to be jumped by something just because he was too busy worrying about where the others might be. He was no good to them dead.

There was nothing at first so he kept moving, he knew that the basement was a labyrinth and it was entirely possible that Jet and Desirae got lost down there. Jet was hurt; the faded smell was a sign that he'd passed through the area while bleeding. Bobby said that Desirae freaked out and hurt him, so that explained the smell in the halls upstairs. Maybe that was the only reason it smelled that way. Cas allowed himself to believe that as he rushed, following his nose more than anything else. It was unfortunate that Jet was hurt but it made a great trail for a tracker.

The path split several times and it was always easy to tell which way he should be going but after descending into the immediate lowered section, the area where his old cage was sitting, he had to stop and sniff a little harder. The smell of blood was stronger there; it drifted down the hall in one direction but had looped back around from another.

A clattering sound rang out from where his cage was and Cas felt a chill rush up his spine as he listened, a faint growl followed and ruffled his feathers. The snarling coming from some creature down the corridor echoed and drowned out any other noises he could've made out as being his friends or not.

A clone. He knew it had to be a clone and though he wasn't sure what seeing one would do to him he had to investigate all the same. A lump grew in his throat and he felt his heart pounding as he snuck further in, he recognized the area now and it just reminded him more of his captivity.

Just ahead he heard a very familiar sound of his old door closing and the vicious grunting escalated into jaw snapping and growing roars. Cas peered into the area from his perch, his old habitat was closed off and the lights were out. There were two figures inside, judging by the shape they had to be Jet and Desirae. But Cas couldn't really breathe a sigh of relief that they were safe, there were three shapes prowling just outside the cage, clawing at the glass and not making it anywhere. One was looking at the control panel that they had no doubt used to close the doors.

Another one ran up and slammed into the glass, which made four. Only one remained preoccupied with trying to get the two inside the cage, the others started to fight one another indiscriminately. They weren't friends; those things weren't cooperating on purpose and had no intention to share. He watched them tear into each other, they were starving and willing to eat just about anything. Cas wished at that moment he could control the panicked glow in his eyes; it was slowly brightening and he was certain those other things would notice.

His nose burned, he recognized the scent of the experiments in front of him. All those tests smelled the same way when they bled. He wondered if he did too? Or if he would've turned into the same kind of monster if Dean hadn't shown up when he did.

Cas arched his wings; he knew he couldn't wait to be discovered; he had to make a move first. With a calming breath he leapt forward and flew into the scene with a shout that sharpened all on its own.

He saw their faces. They had the same face as him.

His mind slipped drastically and he heard a sharper, louder cry tear from his own vocal chords.

Cas reeled inwardly, he knew what this was but he couldn't get a grip on himself.

His jaw felt heavy and his muscles tensed.

The others screeched right back at him; it echoed in his ears and became one of the only things he could hear at all.

His mind was ringing like a piercing bell and disorienting his more rational thoughts.

Blood poured down his forearms and splattered across his face.

What was happening? What had he just done? He tried to hold onto himself, his mind felt like it was overheating.

Another deafening shriek shook the area; it hurt his throat when it came out.

Inside Castiel couldn't see a thing. He couldn't make out what happened or understand the passage of time. All he could do was wait until his body would stop.

He caught glimpses through searing white vision; the walls were washed in blue light. The cage wasn't clear anymore, blood stained the glass and chunks of a body or two were smattered into the mess.

Castiel crouched with his wings flared open, through predatory eyes he stared at one last clone that hissed at him and lunged.

And then he was just standing in the middle of the walkway, wings folded neatly behind him as he faced the control console. He felt his stomach lurch and his head spun wickedly, bringing him to his knees to wretch. He stared down at the grating of the metal path; gore dripped through the holes and made sickening sounds as it hit the dirt below. His ears burned as he tried to ignore it.

Then he heard a stifled whimper and looked up at the cage again. Desirae was watching him, her eyes were glowing and he could see the inside of the enclosure because of it. Jet wasn't moving other than a few shaky breaths his body forced on him. He'd passed out by the look of it; Desirae had dragged him into the cage on her own. No doubt a last ditch effort to keep them both alive.

But why did she look so terrified? Cas was there, he saved them, it was okay now.

He looked down at himself and realized that he was entirely covered in red. His mouth tasted like blood and he didn't really need to question what had just happened. She probably thought he was a monster too.

Cas reached up and hit the open door button, he knew which one it was after he'd accidentally locked himself out that first time. He heard a worried gasp and looked up at Desirae again, she was on shaky legs but standing between him and Jet's unconscious body.

"It's okay," he breathed out and pulled himself to his feet.

"Cas?" She sounded like she could barely believe it; her expression was still far more horrified than relieved. "Is that you?"

"Yeah," Cas smiled at her tiredly, "It's me."

Desirae's eyes watered and a strained sob escaped her; he couldn't imagine what they had just gone through. Cas walked over to her and gave her a hug, "C'mon, let's get you guys out of here." He looked down at Jet and realized that it wasn't just the lighting that made Jet look so pale; he was missing his left arm just above the elbow. "Oh my god," Cas didn't know what to say, he wasn't even sure if it was real.

"He saved me," Desirae hiccupped and cried even harder, "It's all my fault!"

"No," Cas said sternly, trying to keep himself together. What was Dean going to say when he got home? What could Cas possibly tell him? "It's not your fault. We need to get out of here fast, I don't think there were only four of those things."

With Desirae's help Cas got Jet onto his back between his wings, one and a half arms over his shoulders and he supported Jet's legs. The guy wasn't as heavy as Cas had expected, but he didn't have time to sit and reflect on that. Desirae hurried along at his side as he rushed back to the door. He knew he hadn't smelled any other clones when he first entered, they hadn't gotten that far yet but he wasn't sure how long it would be until they did.


	64. Chapter 64

"CAS!" Dean shouted as loud as he could but Castiel was just a speck in the sky by then. He stared blankly for a few seconds and cursed repeatedly as he watched Castiel's tiny silhouette fly away. "He took my keys!"

"Dean," Charlie said but Dean just stood there stomping his foot and kicking any random available thing.

"God fucking damn it I knew he'd do that, I fucking knew it but did I stop him? NOOOOO!"

"Dean," Charlie said again a little firmer but he was still busy with his fit.

Sam grabbed his shoulders and held him in place, "Dean! Shut up for a second."

"What!?" Dean shouted back and threw Sam's hands off him, "You want me to just stand here and chill while Cas goes and fights super-clones all on his own?"

"No," Sam looked over at Charlie, "We're going to go help him, right?"

"If it's okay with you," Charlie looked at Dean who threw his hands in the air.

"How!? You guys know how to fly too?"

"No, but I can start cars without keys." Charlie looked at the Impala, "You know, if you'd let me."

Dean stopped and stared at his car; it wasn't even a question, why was he even stopping to think? "Do it, we don't have time."

It was surprising to see Charlie work; she jimmied the door open with what looked like very little effort. She was hot-wiring his car, and only a few minutes after he told her to do it they had the Impala running.

"You're a wizard," he exclaimed and rubbed Charlie's shoulder, maybe a bit too roughly but he was excited.

"Thanks, now after that Castiel!" She grabbed Cas' coat and hopped into the backseat, Sam was in the passenger side and Dean very happily took the wheel. He wasn't too interested in conversing with people who had seen a man sprout wings and actually fly away on them. It was probably recorded in someone's phone somehow, someone was probably standing around on the street and just happened to watch a couple tackle each other to the ground and decided to record.

Whatever, that didn't matter. He'd deal with any societal reaction after he made sure that Cas was safe and his best friend wasn't dead.

Dean had driven fast in the past; he'd driven way over the speed limit just to test how far his control went. But even that didn't measure up to the way he was driving home that day. Pedal to the metal, he pulled several illegal moves and tore out of town like the end of the world was on his heels.

Castiel was fast, Dean knew that and he knew that Cas was probably already dealing with crazy clones. He couldn't think about that, just had to stay focused on the road. He could see the city slipping away in the rearview mirror and watched for the turn off to the estate. The drive wasn't really that long but at that moment it felt like ages.

"Bobby?" Sam was quick to his phone; it had taken a little while for anyone to pick up. "Hey, it's Sam. What's going on over there?" He put it on speaker so the others could listen too.

" _Hey Sam, well we've got a bit of a situation but I guess you already knew about that."_

"Yeah, Jet texted me. Is he okay?"

" _Haven't seen him yet, Cas just went inside a few minutes ago."_ Bobby sighed and sounded like he was moving, _"I'll go take a look in there-"_

"No! Bobby, stay out of the basement, okay? Don't go down there." Sam glanced at Dean who nodded his agreement; he was on Sam's side in this. "If something happens just leave it to Cas now, alright?"

" _I wasn't worried before but now this is just getting outta hand. If those kids are in trouble down there I'm not just gonna sit here and wait for 'em to maybe come back out."_

"Bobby, don't –"

" _I'm going down. Here, talk to Michael."_

"Bobby!" Dean and Sam yelled at the same time but there was some fumbling on the other line and a somewhat distant 'what do you want me to do?'

Dean sighed and gripped the wheel tighter, "Hey Michael, when did Cas get there?"

" _About five minutes ago,"_ Michael brought the phone closer to his mouth, _"He was saying that there are clones in the basement, which of course means that Jet and Desirae are in some trouble."_

"Yeah, that's putting it mildly," Dean ground his teeth together, he was pissed but he didn't know what exactly to be pissed about. "You didn't see what happens with those things or what they can do; not to mention they've gotta be starving."

Michael was quiet for a few seconds, _"How much trouble is my brother in right now?"_

"Enough to make me want to ask you to go in and get him out." Dean stated evenly and Sam pulled the phone away from Dean as soon as the words left his mouth.

"No, Michael don't go down there. Cas has super human strength and reflexes; he can handle whatever's going on. Don't worry about him." Sam glowered at Dean who couldn't really feel bad about what he'd just planted in Michael's head. Yeah, it was a little underhanded but Dean couldn't be there to drag Castiel out himself, he needed someone to be with Cas and it didn't have to be him.

Michael was silent again but there were some faint sounds of movement and then the phone shut off, Dean smiled. "You can't keep someone away when their little brother might be in danger."

"Don't be proud of yourself," Sam scolded, "You might've just gotten him killed."

"I did him a favour; he's beating himself up over not helping Cas already, how do you think he'd feel if he knew he'd stood by and did nothing when he was literally right there?" Dean snapped back, he knew full well that they were both just really stressed out and he shouldn't get so mad but he couldn't help it. "I told him the truth and asked him to help, you really think he wouldn't have gone in on his own?"

Sam just shook his head; his jaw was tense and nostrils flaring.

"It's to help Jet too, you know." Dean added quietly after a few moments of angry Sam taking over the car's atmosphere.

"I know," Sam sighed and pushed his hand through his hair, dragging it back and letting it fall again. "I just… don't think sending people down there is a good idea. I don't think we should go there either."

"I get that," Dean nodded, he could see the gate and the mansion just beyond it. "And if they were random people we didn't know then maybe I'd agree. But Michael is Cas' brother, Bobby was like a dad to Jet too, I don't think we can tell them not to go down there."

"If it makes you feel better," Charlie leaned forward and looked at the two of them, "I think Garth is going to be staying out of there."

Sam chuckled, "He'd get eaten faster than anyone."

"Probably," she laughed and pat each Winchester on the shoulder, "You guys both got a point, but we're all gonna make our own choices here."

"You're right," Sam looked back at her, his expression less angry and more distressed acceptance. "I just wish we wouldn't make choices that'll get us all killed prematurely."

"Speaking of choices," Dean said as he tore up the last part of the drive way and skidded to a stop, "Better make 'em fast because we're here." He jumped out and bolted up the front steps, there was no point in waiting for anyone -especially if Sam intended to try and stop him. He pushed through the front doors and went right for the basement.

But he didn't need to go down, Bobby and Garth were just emerging from the door with Jet held up between them. Apparently Garth had gone down too, not one to just stand around either it seemed. Castiel was next, Michael was helping him walk and Desirae was on his shoulders. There was so much blood on them, Castiel was painted red almost entirely, Desirae's fur wasn't as white as it should've been, and Jet was all kinds of messed up.

"Dee?" Cas looked up in shock, the first one to notice Dean's presence at all; Dean's guess was his smell. "You're not supposed to be here." He was serious and angry about it; clearly he'd left Dean behind for a reason.

"Too bad, I'm here." Dean hurried up to see if Jet was okay, after all he wasn't climbing out of the basement on his own two feet. Dean's stomach twisted when he saw how pale his friend was but he didn't get to linger.

"He needs a hospital," Bobby said as he and Garth rushed onward.

Dean looked down as Jet was carried past him; he couldn't believe how sick Jet looked. Dried blood had coated his left side, his clothes were tattered and… Dean stared with his mouth hanging open as it really dawned on him what he saw. Jet's forearm was gone.

"Jet!" Sam had just seen his boyfriend; Dean didn't want to be there for that. Hearing Sam cry was hard enough. "Jet, oh my god, what happened to you?"

Desirae jumped to the floor and ran after them, climbing onto Sam next because he was probably her best bet to follow Jet anywhere. "I'm sorry, Sam." She hugged him and Sam did his best to hold her despite slowly falling apart himself. "He went down there because of me."

Sam took a shuddered breath and shook his head, making an attempt to smile he hugged her. "If he got you out of there then I know he thinks every second was worth it."

Dean looked away; he didn't want to deal with that, not yet.

"You should go to the hospital too," Cas instructed him and Dean turned to face his boyfriend.

"No, I'm staying." He stuck his hand out angrily, "And give me my keys."

Castiel's stern expression wavered and Dean suddenly felt like an asshole. Cas was fishing for the keys with a shaky hands and a trembling lip. But before he could get a hold of them Michael stepped forward between him and Dean.

"Don't talk to him like that," there was a warning in Michael's voice and Dean knowingly stepped back. He didn't want that kind of wrath to rain on him. He knew immediately that he was going about it the wrong way; the last thing he wanted was to hurt Cas.

"You're right, I'm sorry." He raised his hands in surrender and looked at Castiel, "I'm sorry, Cas. I know why you did it, I was just really worried."

Cas swallowed and nodded, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand, "Yeah, it's okay. I'm fine."

Dean dropped his arms and went to hug Cas, "No you're not, but that's okay." He had a hundred questions but he wasn't sure if he should even ask one of them. Cas had clearly gone through a lot in the very short time they were apart. "I'm not mad at you, alright?"

"Yes you are," Cas let his head rest against Dean's shoulder and held on tight, "You don't want to be though, right?"

Dean kissed the side of Cas' head and rested his own against it, "Yeah, you're right. I'm mad that you'd run off without me to face something like this alone. You know I wanted to be here for you."

Cas nodded shallowly, "I know… but I know also know that those things will kill you. Didn't you see Jet?"

His stomach tightened again and he took a sharp breath to try and calm it, "Yeah, I did. But he was facing it on his own, it'd be so different if one of us was there with him."

Cas laughed softly, it was bitter but not that bad. "I guess we're both right, huh?"

"Yeah, but that means we're both wrong, too." Dean leaned away and turned Cas' head toward him. He watched the flicker of that telltale glow fade, Cas was calmer now, less scared. "You figure we're okay?"

Cas' mouth pulled into a small smile, "We're okay."

"Good," Sam walked over, surprising them both. "Then let's make a plan to deal with these things, I'm sick of this bullshit."

"I'm in." Charlie stepped forward and looked at Michael who nodded his agreement.

"I thought you went with Jet?" Dean motioned toward the door but Sam shook his head. Dean saw that Sam's eyes were red and his expression was unstable at best, but there was too much anger there to address the rest.

"I think I should be here."

Dean bit his lip, debating whether or not he should say anything. "I think Jet would-"

"I'm not going to just sit in a waiting room while you go and fight experiments!" Sam shouted, an uncharacteristically vicious look in his eyes. "Jet can yell at me himself once all this is over."

Dean nodded; he didn't want to fight Sam over it. "Alright then, what's the plan?"

"The plan is to figure out what happened down there," Charlie said with a gentle tone as she looked to Desirae who was still on Sam's shoulders. "You think you can tell us anything, sweetie?"

Desirae nodded, her ears were turned down but she had stopped crying. "From where?"

"Wherever you want," Cas told her with a warm smile on his face that contrasted his appearance far too much.


	65. Chapter 65

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well welcome back all the peeps who randomly vanished during my spamming updates. I hope everyone's still on board with this story, I'm having a lot of fun with it right now. I decided to give Rae her own POV since I was really into her recently. I drew a picture on my deviantart account/art blog on tumblr of her sitting on Jet's shoulders. It's kinda like a cute addition to the story even though it's technically in the future of what's going on now. So check it out if you wanna! (I'll probably add it to a chapter later on so you could also wait for it then too lol)

_She hung onto Jet's back and watched as the hall slipped by, Jet's pace was uneven and his breathing had grown ragged. She could feel his skin had cooled off and was even a little clammy. Part of her knew what it was, that Jet was going into shock. She silently prayed that his adrenaline would hold out but it was clear he wasn't going to make it upstairs on his own._

" _Wait, we went this way," she told him and he slowed down, stopping to lean against a wall and look both ways._

" _You sure?" he mumbled and ran his hand down his face and suddenly hissed as he tried to move his left arm. "Ah! Fuck, shit, goddamn it, fuck!"_

_Desirae bit her lip and waited though she could hear something behind them, "They're coming," she whispered as if to remind him and shook his head._

" _Right, this way?" he asked and pointed the same way she'd told him not to go. He was confused, very confused and she wasn't sure how to handle that._

" _No, that way," she tried to steer him and it worked for the most part. He was shaky and nowhere near as fast as he was at the start of it all. She could hear desperate breathing and wanted to believe it was the clones coming for them and not Jet trying to stay awake._

_Her hopes weren't enough to keep him upright and soon they stumbled and fell. He hit the floor face first and she tumbled a little ways before scrambling back up and hurrying to his side. "You gotta get up," she grabbed his right arm and pulled but he gave no indication of helping her._

" _Just go," he wheezed and tried to pull his hand away, he wasn't strong enough to do it._

" _No!" She yelled at him and tried to push him up to his feet but he was nothing but dead weight. "You're coming with me," she groaned and tried a little harder but quickly realized it wasn't going happen, he wasn't standing up._

" _I can't move," Jet muttered, his face still down against the floor. Desirae turned his head, he was so pale and it started to scare her._

" _You have to, Sam's waiting for us." She hoped maybe pushing a button or two would do the trick, he just laughed bitterly and looked at her. His eyes were dark and hazy, he was having trouble keeping them open._

" _Tell him I'm sorry, 'kay?"_

" _I won't, you have to do that." She demanded and looked down the hall as her ears burned, there were more of those things and they were getting close. "Get up, please get up." She pleaded anxiously and tugged lightly at Jet's arm again but he didn't. "Please, please, please get up!"_

_He was losing his battle with his eyelids and they were closed before she even said the second 'please.' Desirae balled her hands into fists, tears in her eyes as frustration over took her. "Goddamn it, dad! Just get up!" Jet stirred a little, his eyelids fluttered but remained shut. He really couldn't do anything._

_She could hear her heartbeat pounding in her ears and setting her nerves on fire. What was she supposed to do? She couldn't go back to Sam and tell him that Jet was eaten because she messed up._

_Her eyes lingered on the bloody end of Jet's arm; the part where she'd bitten him had been taken off. She wouldn't be reminded of what she did by seeing a scar, she'd look and see he was missing his limb and that would serve the same purpose. But if he didn't make it out of there she'd never have the time to apologize for it._

_But that made her think; if she was physically capable of harming Jet like that then she should be able to save him. She had Castiel's basic abilities, she was part of him in a way and that meant that she must have his strength too. She was strong too, her senses were heightened and her physical abilities were pushed to her limits._

_She could save him._

_Desirae repeated that to herself as she lifted Jet's arm again and placed it over her shoulder, he was heavy but she could do this. She could save him._

_Her first steps were awkward and off balance but she was getting used to it, she figured out how to move and started running. Her legs were stronger than she'd given them credit for; she realized she had no idea what she was capable of. Castiel probably had a better idea; she wanted to talk to him again. She had helped him with communication; maybe he'd be okay with teaching her how to function as herself._

_There were snarling noises behind her and though she wanted cry and hide she didn't let herself. Jet sacrificed himself for her; he went against his better judgment and went to get her so she owed him this much. Maybe someone was going to come down and get them out, maybe someone could save them; but for that to happen she had to get them to a safe place._

_It was then that she recognized the area; they had passed where Jet had picked her up the first time. That meant that the exit was close. They could make it, she could save him._

_A roar rumbled behind her and she tried to pick up the pace, though really she was already going as fast as she could with Jet on her back. She could hear frantic running behind her, more than one set of feet on the metal floor. There were multiple clones behind her, she could hear them breathing._

_A sharp cry echoed and the sound of bodies hitting the floor reached her ears next, mixed still with the audible desperation of clones running. One must've tackled another for a meal or something, she didn't want to look, she didn't have time._

_They were so close to the exit but the clones were very close to them too. She had to make a choice. Desirae's heart nearly stopped in her chest as her options dwindled. Either they both die or she had to drop Jet to get the hell out on her own._

_No, she wasn't going to do either of those things. She looked ahead, looking for anything to help and spotted the large dome that used to hold Castiel, it had his name on it and everything. It was the next cage in her sights and she was pretty sure she could get inside in time. Hurrying, she tried not to freak out as she heard the clones gaining on her. They could probably see her already from further down the hall, though they smelled the two of them long before that. Jet was very likely a magnet to them, what with his bloody half limb and all._

_She ran up to the door and realized it was shut. Panic started to seep into her but she did her best to keep herself in check. "Control yourself," she said out loud as she looked around for something to help. Control… there had to be a control panel for the door, just like her cage had._

_Desirae was pleased to see she had just overlooked it and it was very close. For a short moment she left Jet by the door and hit a button, her heart jumping into her throat as the lights just flipped off in the habitat. "Damn it," she growled and hit another, this time the sound of the door opening was her reward._

" _C'mon, c'mon," she anxiously rushed back to Jet's side and waited for the door to open just enough to drag Jet inside. She left him there again and ran back to the button to close the door again. She was sure she was fast enough to make it in time but definitely not with Jet on her back._

_The desperate, hungry snarling coming her way was getting louder and louder. She bolted and dove through the closing door just making it before it sealed. Just in time to watch three clones bash into the glass. Her chest was heaving as she barely kept her breathing in check, scrambling backward and grabbing onto Jet again._

_That was it, they were safe for a little while but did that really matter? She had no way of waking him up; all she could do was wait to see if he'd make it on his own. Maybe someone would go down to rescue them, maybe they'd do it soon enough to get help for Jet. That was all she could hope for. She couldn't fight those things._

_Could she?_

_Desirae's legs were shaking and her stomach was in knots, she barely understood what she was feeling or what was going on anymore. She was part of Castiel, or he was part of her, or something like that. She knew she had some of his mentality, she didn't know what part was hers and what part was his. What she did know was that she was in a very bad situation and it was a very real possibility that Jet wasn't going to make it. Not unless she got him help fast._

_Maybe fighting those things was her only option. She swallowed past a growing lump in her throat. She questioned if she had the strength to do it, she had bit Jet and her eyes glowed like Cas' so maybe she could? It was a whole lot of 'maybe' without any definite answers. She wouldn't know unless she tried._

_One clone was looking at the control panel; her chest felt heavy then and breathing was difficult. It was going to open the door. She wasn't ready._

_Another one ran up and crashed into the glass, most likely following the scent of Jet's blood. Desirae's eyes burned as tears fell and scorched trails along her cheeks. She was terrified; her fingers wrapped around Jet's shirt and she clung closer to him. He was getting cold, his skin wasn't the right feeling anymore but she could still hear his heartbeat. He wasn't dead. Jet was still alive._

_If the door opened she'd have to fight the clones. To save Jet she'd have to fight._

_The clones started to fight amongst themselves but it wasn't much of a saving grace, she couldn't just sit there for long._

_Then the loudest cry came from another one as it leapt down into the fray. It had wings just like Cas did – wait, it was wearing clothes…_

" _Cas?" She whispered hopefully but watched as the newest one shrieked again, even louder and harsher than before. Her hope slipped as this one went absolutely insane. It was faster than the others around it and tore the first one's head off with a single snap of the jaw around its neck. This new one was far more vicious; it threw the severed head around with its mouth like a dog with a chew toy. It threw the head at another clone hard enough to knock it back and took advantage of that to jump onto its body and start to tear it apart with fingernails._

_Blood burst out of the dead clone's chest as its brain tried to continue without any life left. The clothed one shrieked again and dug into the dead one's chest, pulling out the heart with the sound of bones cracking and a rough, wrenching motion. It crushed the heart in its hand and wound back with the same clenched fist to punch a third clone in the stomach._

_Desirae watched in horror as the clothed one rammed that clone into the wall of the cage and screeched in its face. The clone thrashed and tried to fight back but the same hand that had punched it was now tearing into its stomach. The one she thought might've been Castiel was gutting a clone without remorse or hesitation. The area was lit up from the glow from its eyes and that was it. From her point of view the rest of the 'fight' was completed through a wall of gore and squinting through blinding light._

_There were chunks all over the place, it had happened so fast that she wasn't even sure if her body was ready to vomit or not. Desirae just held tightly to Jet and stared with wide, glowing eyes of her own._

_The clothed one stopped after the last clone had died. She knew for a fact she could never fight that one. She couldn't find the strength to move and just watched as the last one slowly stood up and folded its wings. It was so quiet, everything had settled and all she could hear was the slow dripping sound of what was left of those clones in front of the enclosure. She made a small sound as the stillness was getting to her and caught its attention._

_Blue eyes flashed her way, the glow had faded but they were still piercing and calculating. It looked over both her and Jet before looking down at its own hands. She wasn't sure about this one, she thought it was Cas but…_

_Could Castiel do that to another person? Even if that person was a clone?_

_It walked over to the control panel and reached for the button. Desirae didn't know what to do but she knew that this one was vicious. It wasn't hungry either, it didn't eat the ones it had killed._

_She was terrified but found herself on her feet again, standing between Jet and the door. She had to fight to live. She could save him. She could save him…_

" _It's okay,"_

_He spoke. She stared and barely managed to say it again; "Cas?" Her mouth was dry as hope started to rush back to her, "Is that you?"_

" _Yeah, it's me."_


	66. Chapter 66

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man I am feeling happy about this story lately. Thank you so much for all the support and nice things you've been saying. To those of you who are new, welcome to the show and I am so pleased you're here. To my veteran readers, you know I think you're awesome already but it doesn't hurt to say it again xD

"Geez," Dean scratched his head, unsure of who he should be looking at. Cas was stiffly at his side, and for a moment Dean thought maybe he was perturbed by what he'd heard too. However Cas' hand brushed past his, shakily trying to grab hold of something. Dean caught it and held firm, Cas' arm was trembling and Dean's guess about 'perturbed' suddenly seemed too light. He squeezed gently and glanced at his boyfriend who was trying to look neutral.

Sam's eyes were dark and his expression like a stone as he listened to Desirae's recollection, Dean was worried about him too. Sam didn't take heavy news the best way; especially when a loved one was hurt. Anger was often his first reaction and afterward he'd be sad, but Dean was certain Sam wasn't there yet.

Charlie and Michael were looking at Cas with concern etched into their faces, and Dean didn't blame them for it. Hearing about how Castiel lost his mind and turned out covered in blood was a little unsettling. Dean, Sam, and Jet had seen Cas flip his shit over a photo, they knew what he did when he saw his own face so they weren't as surprised. Or, at least Dean and Sam weren't anyway. For Charlie and Michael it must've been terrifying to learn, Dean couldn't even really imagine how Desirae felt despite her explaining it.

"You were so brave," Charlie brushed a few curls away from Rae's eyes as the little one struggled not to cry.

Desirae sniffled and looked down from her perch on Sam's shoulders, "But… Jet's still-"

"Jet will be alright," Sam reassured her though it was colder than he normally was. Dean suspected it was said more to reassure Sam than Desirae. "Don't worry," Sam looked up at her, "We'll handle the rest, okay?"

She bit her lip, hesitating to say anything so she just nodded instead. Charlie reached up and plucked her off of Sam, cradling her warmly. "It's okay," she said with a sweet smile and quick kiss on the forehead, "When Jet comes home you can talk to him about all of this."

"What if he doesn't?" She wrapped around Charlie pretty easily, comfort was a big necessity for her at that moment. Dean glanced at Sam who was eyeing the door to the basement with so much intensity that Dean was starting to worry a little bit more about whether or not Sam should even go down.

"He will," Cas added to the conversation, his hand squeezed Dean's hard to try and hide his doubts. "He'll come home once they fix him up a little."

"Come on," Sam said and headed for the door, "We need to handle this."

"Wait," Dean caught his arm and received the harshest glare Sam had ever given him.

"For what? Those _things_ are running rampant down there and if we don't do something fast they'll be up here too." The way he spat out the word 'things' made both Cas and Desirae flinch, Dean knew Sam didn't mean it to include them but sometimes that wasn't always clear to everyone in the room.

"We need a plan first, you saw Jet." Dean regretted it the moment the words left his mouth but he didn't back down. "If we don't figure out what we're doing first we'll get our asses kicked."

"You're both right," Michael stepped between them and placed a hand on either of their shoulders. Sam was tense, his arms shook as he clenched his fists but he didn't argue further.

"Fine," he looked at the door again, "Then let's see if we can figure something out with the computers and surveillance cameras. See where those things are at, get a general idea of the layout."

"That's my Sammy," Dean smiled with some relief, he still wasn't sure Sam should go at all with his current mindset, but there was probably no way to fight that. After all, Sam was pulling pretty hard on the chain of waiting they'd put on him already, telling him he couldn't go at all would not fly.

The team started heading downstairs, Cas was quick and descended first with Sam right on his heels. "Uh," Charlie stalled and Dean looked over at her, both he and Michael waited as she hesitated.

"What's up?" Dean asked before recognizing that she was looking at Desirae.

"She should stay up here," Michael instructed and immediately got a short growl from Desirae.

"I'm coming down too!" She insisted and Charlie laughed softly.

"Okay, then you can help with the computers."

Dean grimaced a little and glanced toward the basement, "You sure? I mean it's gonna get a little hairy down there."

"I'm sure," Desirae nodded firmly, "You guys are here to fight, I'll… I'll just stay in the first room."

"Works with me," Dean reached up and high-fived her. Michael still looked skeptical but he didn't push the subject, Dean got the feeling that Michael would've been more of a pain if he had higher confidence in himself. Not being around for Cas really did a number on his 'butting in and stating his opinion' attitude.

They joined Sam and Cas shortly after, the main lab was still untouched and the door on the far wall was still shut. Dean felt a shudder up his spine just imagining that the there was a scene from a horror movie just beyond that door, or that maybe more clones were lurking and waiting to get in.

"I think we've got a few minutes," Cas said from his perch by the far door that led down, "I can hear them but they sound like they're pretty far off. I think they're eating the remains I left back there."

"Awesome," Dean did his best not to imagine the visuals, but within a few seconds Sam had the cameras up on the big screens aimed right at that scene. Just as Desirae had described there was gore splattered across the entire area, even across the glass of Cas' old cage. Body parts strewn about, limp bodies, and scavengers. There were at least two clones on the screen that were alive, stuffing their faces and devouring the flesh in front of them.

Castiel kept his eyes turned away from the wall and flew up to Dean's side, "I feel uneasy," he said with flickering eyes.

"I can't imagine smelling and hearing clones nearby helps, huh?" Dean smiled in the most comforting way he could muster in that scenario. Cas seemed to appreciate it and smiled back, though it was more nervous than Dean's had been.

"Not really. But I'll do my best until we go back down there."

"Do you want to?" Michael asked worriedly, "I mean, you can stay up here if that would help."

Cas shook his head, "No, if Dee's going down there then I am too. I'm the best weapon we have."

Michael's eyes faltered and he closed them for a second to clear away any unwanted thoughts. "You're not a weapon, Castiel." He said as he opened them again, Dean couldn't imagine being in his position. Not to mention Michael hadn't been in the lab yet, this was the closest he'd been to the reality of Castiel's experimentation.

Dean wasn't sure why he wasn't doing the same as Michael and trying to convince Cas not to go. He didn't even know if he wanted to be standing there, he wasn't sure if he wanted to go down at all. But Sam was going so he knew he had to; Cas' reasoning made perfect sense to him, maybe that's why he wasn't saying the same things that Michael was. Maybe it was because he understood both sides.

"Maybe," Cas said after a pause, "But I'm the best fighter we have, so I need to go down no matter what."

"But-!" Michael cut himself off and took a breath, "Can you keep yourself together down there?"

"No," Castiel wasn't afraid to admit it, at least not right then. He stood his ground and looked at Michael earnestly, "I know it's scary but I'm certain that when I freak out like that I only hurt things that look like me. I've never harmed anyone here."

"It'll be fine," Dean jumped in to support Cas and hopefully ease Michael. "He's doing great, don't underestimate Cas."

Castiel looked at Dean with wider eyes, Dean could see with his peripheral vision but he didn't want to ruin it by being a dork. Instead he grinned at Michael who sighed and nodded.

"Sorry, I'm just…" Michael carefully chose his words more often than anyone else Dean knew, and that made him want to take Michael's filter away to hear what he really thought for once.

"You're worried about me," Cas stepped forward, a bit anxious but way more comfortable around Michael now than he was the first time. "Thank you, but it's okay." He gave Michael a hug that made his big brother's eyes tear up.

Dean moved away from them to give some space and walked over to Sam's side, looking up at the cameras as Sam flipped through them. "Got anything good?"

"I know that there are two at Cas' cage, and there were two others fighting somewhere deeper in but I don't know where." Sam brought it up and Dean stared at the two that were at one another's throats, each trying to get something away from the other.

"Is… that…" he didn't really want to finish his sentence, the two were fighting over Jet's arm, it was just sitting on the ground between them. He glanced at Sam who hadn't shifted, just stared stone cold at the image. "Are you okay?" Dean knew he'd probably regret asking.

"That's a stupid question, Dean."

Yeah, a little bit of regret. "Maybe, but it doesn't hurt to ask sometimes." He moved so he could be at least partially in Sam's line of sight. "Can you tell me what's going on up there? I'm worried."

"I'm upset." Sam said angrily and looked at Dean with a sharp inhale, "What do you think is going on up here? My boyfriend's in the hospital, he's missing an arm," he dropped his voice then with a quick glance to where Charlie had Desirae occupied, "and I have no idea if he's going to live. He might be dying, Dean. Why aren't _you_ more upset?"

Dean's mouth pulled into a tight line and he considered the best way to answer that without getting his head bitten off by his brother. "I am upset, okay? I feel like shit because I wasn't here to help him, I get it. But this isn't something we can rush blindly into because we're pissed off, Jet got seriously hurt and he's one of the toughest guys I know. We need weapons and we need a plan, and to do anything useful with either of those things you need to be calm."

Sam looked away again, a huff escaped him but he didn't deny that Dean was right.

"Soooo…." Charlie droned in an attempt to get their attention back her way. "I found a map of the basement a while back, I can print off one for each of us."

"Good," Dean headed over to her and looked at the computer screen, Cas trotted up beside him and brushed gently against Dean as he arrived.

"What are you all going to use as weapons?" Cas asked and looked at them all.

"Well…" Charlie rolled her chair over to another computer, "We've got controls for stuff over here, and if you look at the map on the screen there you'll see a label for a weapons room. So I'm assuming that the way to open the room starts over here…"

Dean leaned in and looked at the map a little closer, "What room is the weapons room?"

"It's attached to this one, on that far wall over there." She pointed at the wall that was just past Dean and to the side of the computers. "Ah, here we go."

Just as Dean located the extra room labelled in the main lab the wall rumbled, he looked over and watched as the separate room opened up to reveal the main scene Dean remembered from the Matrix. Just shitloads of guns and other weaponry. "Daaamn," he chuckled and looked over at Charlie with a smirk, "That's pretty awesome."

"Yeah, I found a thing or two during my days down here." She grinned back and headed for the weapons casually, "C'mon, grab something you know how to use."

Dean went right for the biggest gun he could find, an ecstatic smile on his face. "Awesome."

"She said one you can use, Dean." Sam quipped and Dean scowled at him.

"I can use this, who said I can't use this?"

Cas reached over and took it from him, "I'm scared you'll blow your shoulder off, maybe pick a smaller one?"

"Here," Sam handed him a rifle and a handgun, "Take these."

Dean sighed and did as he was told, it was probably better that he didn't grab an overwhelming thing like a rocket launcher while he was underground anyway. He glanced over at Charlie who was arming herself just fine, though she had a few things on her already. "You've been armed this whole time?"

"Yeah," she looked up with a shrug, "I got used to carrying when I was looking for Cas, you never know what kinda weirdos you'll run into when hunting for a kidnapped teen."

"Fair enough."

Cas looked at the guns, his feathers ruffled and his eyes glowed a little brighter, "I don't like this room." He stated evenly and stepped out again, "I'll wait over here for when you're done."

Dean cringed a little and nodded, "Yeah, good idea." He looked at the others, "He doesn't like guns much."

"We remember Rufus," Charlie nodded and glanced over at Michael who looked neutral but was undoubtedly unaware. "A guy we tried to hire to clean out the basement almost shot Cas,"

"Kinda wish Rufus had gone down there," Dean laughed bitterly, "Maybe he'd be missing an arm instead."

"Yeah," Sam agreed just as bitterly.

Michael armed himself up too but he didn't join in the banter, he was looking over at where Cas was sitting with Desirae. He furrowed his brow and looked at the group again, "I know we're all set on going down there for one reason or another, but someone has to stay here with Desirae."

Dean turned to him and then to Cas and Rae. He wanted to say that Desirae didn't need someone to watch her, but that was irresponsible as all hell. She talked like an adult sometimes and had a higher level of awareness and understanding than most kids did. That didn't mean she was an adult, he often forgot that. Jet would murder them if they left her alone.

No one really answered so Michael continued, "Alright, I'll stay here."

Charlie looked at him, surprised she asked, "Are you sure? Didn't you want to protect Cas?"

"I do, and that's why I should stay here." Michael smiled and gave her shoulder a squeeze, "While Desirae likes you better than me I think you need to go down there. You've been in this shit for four years and you never stopped fighting, you're sharp and stronger than I am. Sam looks like he needs to do this, and Dean… well Dean's as obvious a choice as Sam is. I'll be able to protect Cas by leaving him in more capable hands than mine."

"Thanks," Dean was glad that ended before it started any kind of argument.

Charlie tried to laugh it off and gave Michael a light punch in the arm, "You sure it's not just because you don't want to face terrifying clones of your brother?"

"That too, that too." Michael chuckled as he rubbed his arm. "So then what's your plan? Go in and see what happens?"

"More or less," Charlie nodded and looked at the Winchesters, "I mean I don't think we can do much else."

"It's mostly common sense," Sam said as he double checked his ammunition, "We need to be cautious, quiet, smart, and try to keep our aim a little above shit level."

"Sounds like a plan to me, do we know how many there are?" Dean looked back at Charlie who avoided his gaze and shrugged.

"Not really… I didn't get that far in the research."

"We can bet that a lot of them have eaten one another," Sam said, "So whatever's left of the clones are going to be stronger and might not attack one another. We don't really know if Cas is the only one who reacts that way to clones, after all Desirae never has."

"But nothing looks like her, plus she wasn't pitted against clones." Dean added curiously, "So we might get lucky."

"Yeah… don't count on it." Sam didn't hesitate to pop Dean's optimistic bubble.

"Alright, let's go then." Charlie walked out of the weapon space and over to Cas and Desirae. "C'mon Cas; Rae we're gonna leave Michael here with you so you won't be alone, okay?"

She looked over at Michael then back at Charlie and nodded, "Okay, kick their asses!"

"Will do." Charlie ruffled Desirae's hair and Cas gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"We'll be back soon." He smiled and ran over to Dean again. Dean wasn't surprised, Cas would undoubtedly try to stay by his side and keep him safe. It worked just fine for him, he wanted to make sure that Cas was safe too.


	67. Chapter 67

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this chapter took me quite a while to get right, please be kind lol
> 
> I hope you enjoy it, I know this story hasn't been the 'action' type so I don't want to drag that kind of stuff out. I've always been more about the feeling, so I focus on the POV characters as much as I can in that regard, even if they're not the ones doing the action. I hope you all enjoy this so far and feel free to give me constructive help if you got any.

Opening the door was the most nerve-wracking thing Dean could remember from his recent history. He didn't know exactly what was going to be beyond it, he didn't know how many things he was going to run into or what he'd see in the next while. Hell, he didn't even know if he was going to live through the day. Fear pushed through him, adrenaline right on its heels and he wasn't sure which one he should pay attention to. But he wanted to be ready, he wanted to leave it up to adrenaline and let it carry him through. Cas needed him to be at his best so that's what he'd do. He was ready for this. He could handle this.

Or at least that's what he told himself. Dean looked around as they moved forward, feet tapping on metal grating walkways and echoing in his ears like a bell. He couldn't see much out of the ordinary but there was a faint sound of movement further ahead. It wasn't that loud to him, but Cas was alert and staring straight ahead with a glow that lit up the way for them.

"How far you think they are?" Dean asked calmly though that was the biggest act he could've put on.

Cas shook his head. "They're still at my cage," he looked around and furrowed his brow, "I don't hear any others close by, so it's just them for now."

"Good," Sam flipped the safety off the shotgun he'd armed himself with and moved ahead. He decided to take the lead since Dean and Cas were a little too slow for him.

"You're the one who said be cautious," Dean reminded his brother with a harsh whisper. Sam's actions were getting more rash and Dean was starting to really worry. Sam had been far more aggressive than normal, he was good at talking the talk but when it came down to the wire he was too intense and wasn't paying attention. With killer clones on the loose Dean didn't want to take any chances.

"I _am_ being cautious, now let's go." Sam all but highlighted Dean's concerns with just those words; he might as well have been throwing himself in as a sacrificial lamb. Dean could already see where that path would lead and he wasn't about to let Sam go down it. He'd have to do something about it before he wound up crying to Jet about how he couldn't stop his idiot brother from dying.

Dean grit his teeth, despite how much he didn't want to fight with Sam again, just before fighting some monsters, he didn't have a choice. He reached out and grabbed Sam's arm strong enough to hold his brother back. "Alright that's enough, you better chill out or go back because at this rate you're gonna get us all killed."

Sam reeled on him, eyes practically on fire with rage. He glared down but Dean didn't back off so they wound up staring at one another with tense eye contact. He could see that Sam wanted to say something, talk back and yell at him but all of those things would just prove Dean right. It was obvious and Sam knew it, he couldn't find a way to argue back and win. So he growled "Fine," as his response and moved to the back of the group. Dean was grateful that Sam could still think clear enough to know when a battle was worth fighting.

"Don't worry Sam, they'll pay for what they did." Cas offered a sincere smile Sam's way as the Winchester passed him by. Dean heard the exhaled sigh and knew Sam couldn't hold onto the same amount of anger with Cas' charm aimed back at him. Sure, Dean wasn't convinced that Sam was totally in the game but it was better already.

The small team moved forward as quietly as they could. Dean couldn't help but wish he could put sunglasses on Cas to calm the eye-glow, but he knew better than to complain about it. Cas was their ace, secret weapon and all that; there was no point in upsetting him. Not to mention if clones were close enough to see the glow then Cas would undoubtedly know about the incoming attack anyway.

With that in mind, Dean wondered how useful any of the rest of them would really be. Cas had been pitted against many clones and came out on top every time because it always boiled down to the same thing; nothing compared to the original. Castiel was all they really needed; though Dean imagined that the more help Cas got the less likely it was he'd be hurt. And ultimately that was Dean's goal in all that mess; if he could get Cas out with fewer scars then he'd be satisfied.

Regardless of how useless he might be, Dean didn't plan on leaving Cas there alone. They were going to handle it together and that was final. He tried to keep himself amped up but reality kept creeping back in. He'd never fought anything like this; he'd never been in a life or death battle like that. Yeah he'd been scared for his life when he first met Cas, but that seemed different somehow. When first encountering Cas there hadn't been any signs of a vicious animal or any sort of similar behaviour. The clones were more animal than human, Dean had seen what they could do and knew to be afraid of them.

Dean's heart was in his throat as they came to the stairs that descended to Cas' cage, clones and gory leftovers were right around the corner. He looked at Castiel who had lowered to a crouch and crept ahead. That was the first time in a while Dean had seen Cas act that way, it brought him back to the first time they'd met all over again. As much as he would've preferred to sit and reminisce he knew that he'd probably die if he didn't get his head in the game.

Just as he chastised himself for not paying attention he heard a low growl coming from ahead of them and watched Castiel's feathers ruffle. A shudder ran down his spine as a similar sound to a pissed off cat rumbled in Cas' throat, whether it was on purpose or just a reaction Dean wasn't sure. He could feel the hair on the back of his neck stand up as the area slowly filled with the oddly human yet animalistic noises.

It was like torture, just standing completely still and listening to the thing that might take his life or the life of someone he cared about.

Cas looked back at them, his eyes lingered on Dean for a second as if he was debating something. It reminded Dean of the moment right before Cas flew off with his keys, "They know we're here, get ready."

They nodded and within seconds the sound of feet on metal stairs reached their ears, the clones were climbing and Dean felt his stomach drop. When he blinked he could see Jet's body being carried out of the basement.

He could see the paleness of Jet's skin and how close he was dying.

Dean clearly remembered the footage he'd seen of Castiel tearing into another clone, blood everywhere.

His jaw locked up, his limbs stiffened and his eyes stared in horror as another set of glowing eyes lit up the stairwell.

It was so fast, what the hell could he do?

Castiel's wings stretched out across the path, he was snarling and ready to protect his family. A shriek tore from his vocal chords and another cry overlapped. Dean barely managed to get his wits about him again before a body crashed into Castiel and sent the two tumbling to the floor. It was right in front of him, Cas was at his feet and flailing about with another that looked similar other than the wings. Each movement was inches away from Dean's legs, he could barely move.

The fight started so fast and already blood spurted across the floor and onto the railing. Castiel was preoccupied with the one, his eyes were pure light and nothing but horrific sounds came from that skirmish. Dean's gaze was fixed on it, his attention entirely on Castiel as he watched his boyfriend turn into some kind of menace. The clone was thrashing about and trying to get a good hit in but Cas was agile enough to deflect the worst of each move.

It was barely a few seconds that passed and Cas was tearing into the beast, Dean could only stare. Even Sam was hesitant; neither Winchester had ever been a part of a fight like that one. The most they ever faced was one another or Jet, and in Sam's case Jet normally went easy on him. Sam's rage was quelled in that instant moment as he watched with the same horrified surprise.

Charlie on the other hand was still functioning and before the second clone could tear into Castiel, or one of the completely still Winchesters, she shot it. The thing had barely emerged from the staircase and was immediately blown away, its body falling down the stairs with a sickening sound.

"Get your heads in gear!" She shouted and Dean barely managed to tear his mind away from Castiel to understand her.

Cas shook his head and removed himself from the mutilated corpse with shaky legs, "Everyone okay?" He asked nervously and looked at them, his eyes weren't calm but far less intense than they were seconds previously.

"Yeah," Dean stammered and would've got to reassure Cas if he could move his legs properly. He cleared his throat and tried to shake off the anxiety. "Just… a little surprised."

"You completely froze up," Charlie reiterated and knocked him on the back of his head, "This isn't a video game, guys! If you get your head ripped off you can't just reset, this is for real and those things aren't gonna stop when they see you aren't firing."

Cas looked up at Dean worriedly and he could already tell that Cas was regretting letting him come down into the basement. "It's fine," Dean said stubbornly, "I got it, won't happen again."

"Right," Sam agreed just as firmly, Dean wondered for a moment if it was a Winchester thing.

"Dee-"

"It's fine, Cas." Dean cut him off before the doubting questions could be asked, "I'm good, don't worry about me."

Cas exhaled heavily and nodded, "If you say so."

It was then that Dean noticed the way Cas' voice shook, "Are you okay?" He moved closer and though Cas hesitated at first he was allowed into Cas' personal space. "You don't sound too confident."

"I'm worried," Cas admitted and looked at them all, "I know I completely lose it when I see them, I can't… you can't depend on me to be in the right place at the right time."

Whether he saw it Cas' eyes or heard it in Cas' voice, Dean knew that he couldn't let this slip by without acknowledgement. "We're all worried, Cas." He reached over and touched his boyfriend's face, tilting Cas' head just a little bit. "The only one here with any sort of training is Charlie, we don't exactly have much of a plan and I'd venture to say that we're going up against quite a few baddies. _And_ there's a lot of stuff I don't know about all this shit, but I do know at least one thing." He smiled and stole a quick kiss, "I know that you've never hurt us."

Cas laughed a little, a pleasant sound for Dean to hear after all the crazy. "So even if I go off the wall and terrorize my clones you'll be okay because it's not you?"

"Basically,"

"We can't ask you to control something you've never been able to," Sam added as he gave Cas' shoulder a squeeze, "Dean's right, the only thing we really need is for you to be on our side and that's it."

Cas' relief was subtle but Dean still saw the glimpses of it in Cas' face. "Thank you, I'll do my best."

"Awesome," Charlie gave him a thumb's up, "Now, do you sense any of them around or should we keep moving?"

Castiel sniffed a few times and held still as he listened to the area around them, "Nothing close, we can move on." He pulled out his map and stopped when he realized it was stained red, very difficult to read. "Uh… someone else?"

Dean took out his map and phone for a little bit of light, "Looks like there's a separated section over here, pretty sure that's where the others were on the security cameras."

"Yeah, it's one of the northern corridors," Sam had leaned over Dean's shoulder to see; judging his mood based on his tone, Dean would've said that Sam was far less agitated. One guess was that Sam felt a little humbled after freezing up like an idiot, mostly because that's how Dean was feeling.

They moved out again, Dean wasn't sure if he felt better or worse knowing that they'd managed to take care of the first set of clones. On the one hand the clones were gone, which meant that there were none to fight in that area anymore. On the other hand Dean had no idea where the next enemy was going to pop up, it was a surprise and he was starting to wonder if he even liked surprises anymore.

Cas' cage came into view, shining with red stains and a textured, gory floor. Dean had never been squeamish but he wasn't a big fan of the smell it left. He tried not to breathe too deeply but the more he thought about it the harder it was to accomplish.

"You okay?" Sam asked him with a light nudge and Dean nodded quickly.

"Just pumping myself up."

"Right."

Cas looked at the mess he'd made and his hand crept up to clutch at his stomach. "I can't believe I did this…"

"You've got some wicked reflexes," Charlie pat him on the shoulder, "Don't sweat it, okay? We'll sort that stuff out later."

Cas sighed and nodded, "Okay, you're right."

The halls were eerily quiet, there wasn't anything left to say about the scene but they still gave a moment to look at it. None of them really wanted to speak, silence was the best thing they could do that would allow Cas the ability to hear something coming. His sense of smell was alright but being covered in clone blood already tended to get in the way. Dean didn't want to think about the chill running down his spine or the knot in his stomach.

"Should we keep moving?" Charlie asked after a moment and Cas nodded.

"Yeah, maybe."

"Hold on," Sam walked around the enclosure and stopped next to the door Dean remembered from one of the videos. "The failed clones were left in here, should we open it up and take care of what's left?"

"Maybe we should leave that alone for now." Dean said but Cas went to join Sam.

"No, we should take care of it while we're here before something goes wrong later." He unlocked the door before anyone else could tell him whether or not it was a good idea. Dean held his breath as the rush of air came out, it was a little too late because the scent was rancid and it burned his nostrils.

"Oh. My. God." He exclaimed and covered his mouth and nose; Charlie and Sam were making similar disgusted noises to his own but Cas… Well Cas had to stumble away entirely; the sounds he made were far more like retching than anything else.

Before they could continue their complaining a gargling sound left the room. Sam stepped away from the door and lifted his gun; his expression still twisted with disgust though a certain intensity had crept in with the rest of it.

Dean didn't know if there were words to describe the thing that crawled to the door. It made revolting sounds as it peered past the frame, its eyes were uneven and its mouth split up the sides of its face in a joker-like smile. The thing's pupils had almost completely taken over the colour, its skin looked leathery at best and there were battle scars all over its body. As it crawled forward Dean watched the irregular movements, how half of its body moved faster than the other. It almost seemed like it'd had a stroke.

This was the single failed experiment that won the battle royale that MacLeod had started by opening the doors. Dean wasn't so sure this one was as much of a victor as they had imagined. It gargled again as if drowning in lung fluids but never quite dying. The sickness in Dean's stomach changed shape as he watched the experiment painfully crawl out of the room it'd been trapped in for so long.

Castiel turned back around, his eyes flashed a little but not enough to warrant a complete psychotic breakdown. This clone's face was contorted enough that his primal instincts didn't kick in; Cas just stared at it with troubled eyes.

"I expected something more… monstrous." Charlie looked at the others, the sound of the failed experiment the only other sound they could hear.

Cas walked over and carefully picked the thing up, "I'll… be right back, wait here for me."

"Where are you going?" Dean grabbed Cas' arm and his boyfriend turned to look at him.

"I'm going to take it outside before I put it out of its misery."

Dean let go and nodded, he imagined that Michael and Desirae would be a little more than freaked out but he didn't mention it. Cas looked like this was something he needed to do, so Dean didn't say another word about it.


	68. Chapter 68

Castiel knew it was probably stupid to do what he was doing, he knew that he was wasting time and leaving Dean and the others underground alone might be a terrible idea. But he couldn't deny himself what he was feeling. He understood what the tortured creature must've been feeling, that need for freedom burning at every nerve ending. He didn't have to imagine how it felt to think death was right around the corner, and knowing that he'd never see daylight again was so painful. It was a faint memory but he knew it and he couldn't allow himself to leave another to suffer that fate.

He flew past Michael and Desirae without looking at them, he kept the gargling clone close and tried not to let the disturbing feelings settle in too much. It reached up with a shaking arm and grasped at his shirt repeatedly, its hand sliding down and reaching back up to do it again. It whined and coughed, Cas tilted his head further away as he carried it up to the front door. He could hear the calls from Michael and Desirae behind him but he didn't want to answer to it just yet.

The front doors opened and the mutated being stopped making any noises altogether as it stared. It had to squint after staring at the sun and made a soft gasping sound. Cas carried it over to the grass and laid it down before stepping back and watching as it slowly writhed in the grass. The thing cooed in the same way it had made the other sounds, like it was trying to speak through watery lungs.

Cas stood there for a few moments, just letting the clone feel the sunlight and the earth below for a little bit longer. He watched its eyes, the purest form of wonder was in there as tears slipped away. Cas smiled sadly and walked to its side, he knelt down and grabbed the thing's head. "Sorry," he said just before snapping its neck. It was simple, quick and painless with no mess. He sighed and left it there, clean up could happen later.

Descending the stairs to the basement he prepared himself for the questions he'd be asked as he passed by.

"Cas!" Desirae exclaimed when he appeared, "What happened? Are you okay?"

"We're all alive so far," he said with a reassuring smile as he continued toward the far door. "I mean it's only been a few minutes but so far so good."

"We heard the shots fired," Michael added, watching Castiel hurry along, "Why'd you come back?"

"I had to do something really quickly, I'll explain later." Cas waved at them over his shoulder and hurried on through the door, closing it firmly behind him. He made it back to the others in no time, he was only gone for a little bit but it still felt like eternity. Dean looked up with bright eyes, it was like Cas had been gone forever or something.

"Everything okay?" Dean asked when Cas reached him, a strong hand settled on Cas' arm and he felt a little more at ease.

"Everything is fine, I'll clean up when this is all done." Cas moved in closer and gave Dean a hug, "Sorry, I had to."

"I get it," Dean cradled the back of Cas' head, the other hand slipped around his waist. Cas wished he could stay there, that they weren't in the middle of a terrifying excavation into the basement labs. With a little luck they'd be out of there in no time, though he had a feeling it wouldn't be that easy.

"Shall we then?" Charlie nodded toward the dimly lit hall ahead of them. Cas appreciated the understanding from all of them, he felt like it was safe to be himself around them and that was all he really needed. Not that he understood what he was supposed to be like, but experimenting with his own personality and doing different things in their company was safe.

No one really wanted to keep going but they all knew that it wasn't an option. If they just ignored that the clones were there eventually the things would just bust out and get them all in their sleep or something. No, it was better to finally deal with it all. Cas regretted not doing it sooner, they'd put it off for far too long.

If he'd been in his right head at the start he would've brought it up sooner, probably right in the beginning. Leaving things to chance like they did wasn't wise, especially since they didn't understand what the hell was down there in the first place.

But that was in the past now, there was no point in telling them what they should've done differently. They had to figure what to do right in the moment, and thinking ahead was definitely the best course of action for that, not looking back. Cas knew the others were banking on his senses to make it through, probably more than even they understood. He could tell just by how they moved that they couldn't smell what might be around the next corner, they couldn't hear the subtle changes in the air pressure like he could. They had no idea what was going to come at them, they needed him with them.

And yet, at the same time Cas knew that he needed them just as much. If he came into a situation where there were several clones, and he knew he would eventually, then he'd lose his mind. He'd go completely blank and run on instinctual killing. If something happened that required quick thinking, intuition or anything other than pure homicide he would be totally screwed on his own.

So Castiel did his best not to question the intelligence of bringing the others down with him. He didn't want any of them to get hurt, but he didn't want to die either. Sure, life wasn't easy for him but he fully intended to try and get his back somehow. Maybe he'd be the same somehow and everything would just click. More likely, he'd be a very different person after his experiences and make new connections. He loved what Charlie had told him during their trip through the city, he loved having Dean at his side no matter what choices he made. He loved what he was becoming, even if it meant hurting the feelings of people like Michael and Charlie.

The team went further in and the longer it took for anything to happen the more tense the atmosphere became. Cas felt his stomach twist and the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end; he knew those other clones were close by. He sniffed a few times and slowed his pace to listen more closely. The others did the same without a word, all eyes on Castiel as he waited and listened.

He could smell Jet's blood, it had been around for a while but he could smell it more clearly than before. His guess was that the severed limb had been close, which meant clones. Cas stopped moving entirely and motioned for his friends to copy him, which they did without any hassle. He would've tried to be a little less cryptic about what he might be hearing but he was too focused on the faint sound of feet on metal.

"They're close," he whispered, he could see the area around him looked brighter and bluer than normal and didn't doubt for a second that his eyes had sparked to life again.

Dean's hands were nervous on his rifle but he seemed more prepared this time than the last. "Any idea which way?" He asked and Cas shook his head.

"Not quite, but I hear one of them at least. I think it's that way," he pointed down the path that seemed to smell of Jet's blood more than the other, "But that could be the direction that Jet and Desirae ran the first time, I'm not sure."

"Let's just pick a direction and move," Charlie glanced around, "I don't want to stay put too long."

"Sure," Cas nodded and continued forward, he was getting a little nervous with the clones they were looking for. He didn't remember each time he ever fought one but he did know that they were all fairly different. It was usually after fighting one he'd get some kind of new surgery or injection of some kind. The clones had been a way of advancing him, but he didn't doubt that MacLeod intended to create a super being of some sort as well.

"You know," Sam whispered, "I thought we'd run into more… I dunno, people involved with this whole thing."

"Right?" Dean chimed in with a little laugh, "Like, there's no way MacLeod did this on his own."

"He didn't," Charlie explained just as softly as the other two, "He had a team that he worked with, when he decided to go to his town house there was basically a skeleton crew to handle the basics around here. He didn't treat them well, from what I could tell from the documents I read they hated him too."

Sam looked over at her questioningly, "Was all that in the computers up there?"

"Yeah, not everything I read was useful to Cas' situation but I kinda get how this place ran." Charlie looked over at Cas apologetically, "Sorry I wasn't much help."

"You've been an amazing help," Cas whispered back to her, a somewhat anxious but comforting smile on his lips. He wasn't sure if it helped at all but he did what he could anyway. "Do you know where those people are?"

"Not really, I think there was an employee list but I didn't look at it for very long. If I spend more time there I can figure things out."

Dean nodded, "Yeah, I'd like to know why they all abandoned ship after MacLeod bit it."

"I'm betting it was something in the will, MacLeod probably didn't want anyone messing with his work." Sam added, Cas noticed that they were starting to talk a little louder than they did at first so he hushed them. All three were silent immediately, like they thought he was trying to listen for something. Though he hadn't sensed anything coming he did appreciate the reaction time on that, he felt like he was in charge for a few seconds.

Though he was amused by their sudden silence, he couldn't laugh at it for much longer. There was a rush near them and a very faint snarl, for a second he thought it was further away but it dawned on him that it sounded more like an uncontrolled grunt in the clone's throat than a faraway growl.

Cas' wings flared out like a protective shield, but since he was so low moving forward his wings knocked his friends away from him. It happened in a flash, the clone came barrelling down at them as it crawled along the highest part of the wall. It dove down onto Castiel just as he smacked everyone else aside, he felt sharp claws hook into his side, a sharp pain that brought back angry memories.

He did his best to stay in the moment, he felt adrenaline rush through his system and heard an insane kind of sound echo off the walls. It was either him or the clone, he didn't know which one. He was still in control for the most part, he hadn't seen the thing's face yet and he knew that would be the moment that tipped him over the edge.

Cas ground his teeth together as he grabbed hold of his attacker by the waist and used all his might to push it off. He felt a burning in his side, he knew that the clone had torn his skin but he didn't care. Cas turned to face the thing and watched as the world was drowned in blue light.

Light-headed he dashed forward; his arms moved on their own and he felt the impact as if it were in slow motion. Everything felt like he was in some sort of daze, moving through thick liquid and listening with earmuffs on.

He could hear Dean shout his name, which was the clearest sound ringing in his ears other than the shrieks that escalated.

Then there were gunshots next, Cas could only guess as to what was happening. He knew it would be fast, he knew it was happening like a flash and he had no way of holding onto himself.

He heard Dean again, screaming his name but in a different way. Dean was terrified, something was wrong.

Cas forced himself to look, he wasn't going to let something happen, he refused to let something happen. His mind connected for a moment, he realized the second clone they had been looking for showed up too. It was in front of Dean.

Cas didn't take in the rest of the situation, he was too angry. Rage swarmed his senses and he burst forward. Cas couldn't hang onto the consciousness he'd managed to gain and slipped again.

He found himself standing in front of Dean, that copper taste on his tongue again. Cas turned away and spat it out, hacking up thick fluids in his throat. He coughed and felt his stomach turn with just a single thought about what that might've been. He glanced back to Dean, blood had splattered all over his boyfriend and led down to a decapitated head and body at Dean's feet. Cas didn't have to ask to know that he'd done that with his teeth, how else could he have that much blood in his mouth?

He wasn't sure how long that fight had been, he could hear gasping and strained noises from the others. Dean's eyes were wide, his hands gripping a rifle that had been bent in the center.

"Good move Cas," Sam clapped him on the shoulder, a tired laugh escaping the younger Winchester. "You really saved the day."

Cas pulled away but gave Sam a thankful nod, "I'm not really sure what I did, but you're welcome." He looked around at the scene he'd left behind. Again there were body parts strewn about, more than he thought there ought to be. "Is anyone hurt?"

Dean exhaled shakily and moved to touch Cas' side, "You were,"

"Charlie hit her head," Sam added and Charlie quickly shook her head.

"Not that bad, just stunned me."

Cas sighed with some relief and looked at his side as Dean's fingers grazed the bloody fabric, "It's not so bad, stings a little but I think it's pretty shallow."

"Still," Dean furrowed his brow and looked around, "Should've brought something to help with that sort of thing."

"When you go in guns blazing you tend not to pack a first aid kid." Charlie chuckled.

Cas could smell his own blood and felt a wave of relief he hadn't expected, he didn't smell like the clones did. He had a different scent, he wasn't the same as them. They weren't quite him, they couldn't be.

He breathed out slowly and looked at Dean's concerned expression, "Are you okay, Dee?"

There was a little spark of life in Dean's face at the mention of his nickname, he looked Cas in the eye for a few seconds before he nodded, "Yeah, I think so." He raised his gun with an anxious laugh, "It broke my boom-stick."

"That's unfortunate," Cas eyed the broken rifle and then looked Dean over, "I got to you in time?"

"Yeah, you were like fuckin' lightning." Dean kissed him breathlessly, like he was still scared out of his mind but trying not to be. Cas returned it sweetly and nodded his understanding.

"Okay," he looked at Charlie and realized he could smell her blood too, "Charlie…" he said tentatively and moved closer to her, "How hard did you hit your head?"

"I scraped it on the wall when I fell, it's okay." She waved her hands at him, a sort of hint not to come closer but he did anyway.

"I smell your blood, are you sure it's okay?" He hesitated to get too close, just in case he'd find he did something horrible.

"She's fine, Cas." Sam reassured him, "I already checked, it's a bloody cut but people tend to bleed more from head wounds. She'll be fine, maybe a minor concussion but I doubt it."

"Didn't know you were a doctor," Dean snarked at his brother to which Sam just made a face right back.

Cas watched Charlie's face, she did seem alright. "If you're sure then," he paused before moving back to Dean's side, "Would you tell me if you were hurt?"

"Yeah," Charlie smiled at him and gave a thumb's up, "Promise."

He returned the gesture and looked around at the team, "We okay to move forward then?"

"Yeah,"

"Let's do it."

"Lead the way, Cas."


	69. Chapter 69

Dean couldn't really say he was pumped about their situation. When the second pair of clones came down on them no one knew what the hell was going on, and since Cas usually lost control that included him. They'd just been walking and chatting about the facility, which Dean understood might've been a little loud. Cas hushed them and next thing Dean knew he was being bitch slapped by a wing. It had been pretty damn scary, in that moment he wasn't sure who the wing belonged to and was partially convinced he was about to die.

That being said he got lucky, it was just Cas'. That clone had dropped from the ceiling pretty much as soon as Cas knocked them all down. Dean stared with terrified eyes in the few seconds it took him to get his bearings straight. He just narrowly missed hitting his head on the floor, the wind had been knocked out of him, but he still had his rifle in hand so that was something.

Cas was so vicious with the attacker, he'd taken a hit to his right side but he threw that clone to the floor with unbelievable strength. The room flashed blue and Dean had to squint, disoriented and shocked at the sudden commotion. He should've been prepared but, again, he was nowhere close to being used to that kind of environment.

The first thing he knew was that Cas was bleeding now, his opponent sprung up from the floor and went at him again. Dean yelled Cas' name but it was drowned out fast when another clone rushed into the fray. It came up from Dean's side and he just barely managed to drop to the floor to avoid a swipe from its claws. He raised his gun to shoot but the clone grabbed onto the end of the barrel and pulled him back up to his feet. Dean fired but it missed, the clone had it pointed away just enough to survive. It didn't, however, take kindly to almost being murdered.

Dean tried to wrestle the rifle away, he didn't know what else to do. If he just let go of it then the clone would have a gun and he didn't want that to happen. The beast shrieked at him and though Dean expected to be tossed around like a ragdoll, he was surprised when the clone bent the barrel of the rifle like it was made of putty.

His eyes quickly glanced to the others for help; Sam was at Charlie's side who was barely sitting up and Cas was preoccupied with tearing the already dead clone into more pieces. Dean was out of options, his hands clutching a busted weapon and unable to reach for another. His heart was in his throat and his stomach was twisted tight enough to be used as a whip. He did the only thing that came to mind; he screamed for Castiel.

Dean didn't expect it to happen; he thought that Cas was probably too far-gone to help him. But his boyfriend had leapt up from the floor as the second clone closed in on Dean. Cas' jaw was dropped wide-open in that disturbing way, and it clamped shut on the thing's neck. The sound was sickening enough but the sight was a little too much. With a single sharp wrenching motion of his head, Cas decapitated his opponent and dropped it to the ground.

It was then that Cas' eyes flickered and reverted to normal, no longer bloodshot or primal. Dean watched Cas immediate turn to nearly vomit; Dean would've done the same if he could even feel his stomach anymore. His heart slowed down enough for him to register that it was beating out of control, his fingers were tightly wrapped around his useless gun and he could feel them tingling from the pressure.

Sam approached, Dean wasn't listening. He couldn't get his shit together and it was starting to piss him off. Cas was doing all the work; he hadn't helped at all, even needed Cas to save his dumb ass. Charlie did something the first time, this time she was nearly knocked out by Cas so she couldn't save the day. Dean was pretty sure she would've if it hadn't been for that wing move at the start. Sam went to her aid so he had an excuse, but Dean? He just stood there and gawked.

At least he'd fired this time though, right?

It wasn't good enough. He sighed as Cas tried to figure out who was hurt. Dean muddled through the next bit of conversation without being fully present. Maybe Cas wouldn't have been hurt if Dean had been ready for the fight. Maybe-

"Are you okay, Dee?"

Dean's heart fluttered and he looked up, Castiel's head was tilted slightly and his eyes were everything Dean needed to see in that moment. He couldn't help the smile that pulled at his lips, he didn't intend to laugh or make any stupid jokes but they came out of him anyway. He didn't even know what he was saying or what kind of small talk Cas was saying. All he could do was lean in and kiss Castiel with everything he could muster in that moment.

Maybe it didn't matter that he was shitty at fighting real death-threat level fights.

Maybe it was totally fine that Cas was the muscle and did most of the work.

Maybe it didn't matter and was totally fine because Cas was all Dean ever really needed.

"We okay to move forward then?" Cas had said and Dean nodded.

"Yeah," he said simply, it didn't need anything more. He followed Castiel's lead as they continued down the hall, Sam had a map out and they were heading toward a hall that apparently had several extra cages lined up in it.

"So, wait," Dean furrowed his brow and looked over at Charlie, "The basement is separated into different sections, I get that. There's the lab and the area with the experiments, which are the ones we vaporized. And now you're telling me there's another area with experiments in it?"

"Yeah," Charlie laughed a little, "There was the big main area with the computers and a lot of the lab equipment. Then MacLeod extended it into the old tunnels his predecessors had built under the property, changing it into places to keep his experiments. I read one file that said that Cas' enclosure was the most advanced so they kept him in it, despite its odd location." She lifted up her map and pointed to approximately where they were, "They didn't convert the whole basement the first time around, so when MacLeod ran out of space he decided to change up the rest of it too. So the second set of experiment cages were built, my guess is that since the new equipment and spaces were stronger and better designed MacLeod put the better and strong experiments there."

"Kinda makes sense," Sam shrugged and glanced back at them, "I mean Desirae was basically left for dead aside from the food, so maybe most of the experiments in that part of the basement were failures."

"Or they weren't part of the Castiel project," Cas added bitterly.

"Well, whatever the case the 'incinerate' code didn't transfer to the newer area," Charlie said with a comforting pat on Cas' shoulder to at least show her remorse for him.

"So we're dealing with bigger, badder clones than the run of the mill guys," Dean smirked, "Cas handles them pretty well, I think we'll be fine."

"Says the guy who messed up his rifle." Sam jabbed and Dean flipped him the bird.

"Not my fault,"

"No, but it's a good point," Cas looked over at Dean with concerned eyes, "Remember what I said, I can't control myself. You got lucky back there, Dee. I happened to go after the other clone before it could hurt you, but that might not happen."

"I know, I know." Dean waved it off, "It's okay, Cas, I get it. I just wanted to lighten the mood a little."

"Yeah I know," Cas furrowed his brow at Dean, "That's the point, this isn't something to laugh about. You told Sam to smarten up or go back upstairs, now I'm telling you the same."

Dean swallowed past a lump in his throat, his chest suddenly feeling tighter. Part of him wanted to get mad but logic stuck with him; Cas was right. Maybe he was a little uptight but he made a good point. If Dean didn't get his shit together he'd get them all killed. Just because he felt like he could count on Cas for everything didn't give him the right to just leave it all to Cas. While there was always the option of agreeing but not listening, Dean felt that maybe he should actually listen to what his boyfriend had to say. Cas wouldn't tell him this if it wasn't important.

"Sorry," he finally said once his thoughts settled, "You're right." Cas said he might not be able to protect Dean, and if that was true then he might not be able to protect himself in every situation either. Dean absolutely had to get his head on straight, he loved Cas with everything he had and he had to make sure he could protect that relationship.

Cas' expression softened, "Thank you," he said with obvious relief in his voice.

"This must be the door," Sam cut in, he was standing in front of a door that looked like all the others down there.

"You sure?" Dean raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Sam muttered, his head tilted down and Dean followed his gaze to a gross-looking bone, it had some flesh on it but more or less was picked clean.

"He's right," Cas sniffed the air a few times, "There are more on the other side of that door, I can smell them from here."

"So we gotta go in there," Dean took a deep breath and put on his game face, "I'm ready, let's do this."

"Yeah," Sam's bitter expression had come back, his brow creased and eyes narrowed. Charlie didn't say anything; she just looked at Cas who gave a simple nod.

Opening the door revealed a cleaner hallway – other than the trail of blood; it looked far newer than the rest of the experimental areas. There were doors on either side of the long hall and a that same trail of blood led right around the first corner. Dean felt a chill run up his spine, he knew that whatever happened to Jet probably happened in there.

"It's still a goddamn maze," Sam grumbled quietly as he readied his shotgun. The team moved in together, all eyes open as they progressed. It was an unspoken decision to check any already opened doors first, they could open more and handle what was inside later but they had to make sure they wouldn't be jumped by anything already free.

Dean noticed the low growl in Cas' throat and paid attention to its intensity, the more vicious Castiel became the more likely it was that a clone was nearby. They walked by all the closed doors, Dean made a note that they looked like heavy-duty protected kinda shit. Whatever was free wouldn't be easy to deal with.

They followed Jet's route without words exchanged, just with their hearts in their throats and limbs tense with anticipation. A light from an open door was ahead as they turned another corner; the blood trail was darker and wider closer to the lit area. Dean clenched his jaw and glanced at the others; Sam looked pale but pissed, Charlie was staring forward intensely, and Castiel's eyes were starting glow again.

The sound of another being was getting clearer as they continued on their path, Cas snarled low in response to the sound of its feet. The clone responded in kind with another growl, its shadow appeared by the only open door. Instead of waiting until he lost it, Cas rushed forward on his own, wings flared out once his opponent appeared.

This clone had four arms, it was as bloody as Cas, and Dean would've bet anything that the odd fabric hanging from its face was part of Jet's clothing. The two clashed with a sharp screech that echoed down the hall, the noise alone started what sounded like a riot behind any closed doors. Dean aimed at the four-armed one fighting Cas but found that he couldn't get a clear shot in on it, not without just as likely hitting Castiel.

"What do we do?" Dean asked agitatedly, his lip pulling up in a snarl of his own.

Sam and Charlie both stood ready but no other clones came at them, the rest were all stuck behind the doors. "Cas is in the way, we can't get in there without losing our own limbs," Charlie said as she looked around, "We could open them one at a time and take out what's inside, just keep an eye on Cas' situation."

Dean felt his stomach dip at the thought of leaving Cas alone, "But what if he needs our help?"

"You could just stand here if that makes you feel better." Sam nudged him and stepped over to a door that was moving each time something on the other side rammed into it.

"It doesn't but thanks anyway," Dean couldn't decide whether or not to follow Charlie's idea; Cas' fight was already taking longer than it normally did, Cas usually won within a few bloody seconds. The clone he was fighting was a little bigger, judging by the gore around its mouth it had definitely eaten recently so it wasn't as fatigued as the others.

Cas was caught between the thing's first set of arms, his arms stuck at his sides and legs desperately kicking to try and get a good shot in. A frustrated shout escaped him and Dean's heart jumped; Cas was stuck. Dean abandoned Sam and Charlie and ran down the hall, he didn't know what he'd be able to do but he couldn't ignore what was happening.

Cas' wings swung forward and started beating on the clone as its second set of arms tried to hold his legs still. The thing shrieked and threw Castiel away; the amount of force in those wings was more painful than it seemed to anticipate. The clone shook its head, trying to orient itself again.

Just like the other fights this one still moved fast, faster than Dean knew how to react to but he did see that Cas was bleeding a little more than before. Dean raised his gun and took his first opening, firing three rounds in the hopes that at least one would hit.

The clone screamed, blood poured from a new hole in its face as it gargled and hit its knees. Cas shrieked at it again but scrambled backward, watching with light-filled eyes as it died painfully. The thing writhed slowly on the floor and Castiel carefully moved around it until he could scuttle back to Dean.

"Cas," Dean felt breathless despite not doing anything terribly strenuous. He knelt down and checked Cas' injuries, his boyfriend whimpering softly as his consciousness hadn't quite snapped back yet. Dean figured it was due to the other clone not quite being dead yet, but he didn't bother to think on it too much. The first cut was shallow like Cas had said, but the second wasn't quite as clean. Dean couldn't tell how deep it went, the skin was torn in a jagged cut. It was practically overtop the first scar, he realized as he wiped the blood away. Dean took off his over-shirt and bundled up the torso section before placing it on top of Cas' side. He tied the arms around Cas' abdomen and tightened it to try and help stop the bleeding.

"Dee?" Cas asked wearily, just coming back around. "What-" he was cut off by a wave of pain as Dean double-checked the tightness of his homemade tourniquet. A hiss slowly escaped him and looked down, "Did it open further?"

"You got hit there again," Dean looked up at him with a semi-smile, "But good job, that guy was pretty tough."

Cas closed his eyes and let Dean lean him against the closest wall, "I feel sick," he mumbled and Dean kissed his forehead.

"That's probably shock or something, just sit still for a little bit." He brushed Cas' hair out of his face, it was matted with sweat and possibly blood but Dean didn't consider it further than that. "I think that was the only one left that was wandering free, the others are all behind the rest of these doors."

Cas looked down the hall to where Charlie and Sam had halted their endeavors to watch how Dean and Castiel were doing. "If you say so, I'll watch from here but don't move out of my sight, okay?"

"Deal." Dean gave Cas a quick kiss and ran back to join the other two.


	70. Chapter 70

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry this one took a little longer! I hope you enjoy it :D

They stared at the first door they decided they'd open and all of them realized that they didn't have the keys to do it. Dean ran his hand down his face and dropped his head against the wall for good measure, "Goddamn it."

"They're probably with Jet," Sam sighed in frustration and looked at the handle with contempt, like it was entirely responsible for their situation.

Charlie looked at the two Winchesters then down the hall to where Cas was sitting, wings splayed out on either side of him and a miserable look on his face. She furrowed her brow as her gaze dropped to the trail of blood on the floor and the amount splattered around the single open door. "Well let's check out over there first, then. We don't know what's all in the one door that _is_ open, right?"

"Yeah," Sam nodded, he seemed to be happy with something to do so Dean didn't argue. They followed the trail back to where Cas was sitting, curious eyes fixed on them but no questions were asked. And though Dean would've wondered about the silence, he remembered that Cas probably heard their conversation.

The area past the door was very gory in contrast with the sleek design of the halls. Each door was carved open, undoubtedly by the last clone that Dean took care of. There were bodies of other clones strewn about, ones that lived in each of the rooms that were invaded. None of the corpses were in one piece, most of them were scattered and others were just half devoured on the spot.

"Looks like a battle royale went a little wrong," Charlie commented as she went further inside, no hesitation whatsoever. Dean stayed next to the main door where Cas could still see him, his handgun felt a little heavy now that he'd actually shot something with it.

"One of them was strong enough to break out, I guess it went for the closest food source." Sam said as he peered into one of the busted open rooms. "These cells are much more… cell-like than the other enclosures."

Dean looked over at Castiel again; he was so calm considering where they were. Maybe that was a good sign; Dean could relax a little bit too.

"I think the rest are still in their rooms," Charlie called from further inside the area, "All these clones are dead, that one guy was pretty busy."

"So we do need to open the doors," Sam sighed and looked over at Dean, "Think we can shoot the locks?"

"Maybe," Dean smirked, "But I am curious about how they got the clones to cooperate, I mean if these things are just roaming free then how did they ever get them anywhere? I'd bet there were some scientist deaths."

"It was drugged food, mostly," Cas answered from his spot in the hall. "What I can recall, anyway."

Dean looked back at the gentle expression on Cas' face and he felt kinda shitty for asking. "I guess it doesn't matter now, does it?"

Cas smiled at him, "Not unless you intend to do the same."

"No thanks, I'm all 'evil-scientist'ed out."

"Well let's pick a door and see if we can bust it open," Sam said as soon as it seemed the two lovebirds were done making goo-goo eyes at one another. He chose one that was close by and Charlie moved right along with him, the two leaned against either side of the door and Dean went to take out the lock. He'd seen it done in movies; maybe it'd work for him in real life.

He took a deep breath and exhaled to steady himself before firing the shot. It rang loud and only then did Dean fear the idea of a ricochet. Luckily for them no one was hit by it but Dean's heart had jumped and his abdomen felt like a massive brick was dropped on it.

"Okay," Sam breathed out just as unsteady as Dean had, "I guess maybe that's a bad idea."

Dean looked over at Castiel who had ruffled feathers and a perturbed look on his face, "Sorry babe,"

"It's fine, just pay attention to the room you opened."

Cas had a good point, Dean looked at the door that hadn't swung open but he was pretty sure it wasn't locked anymore either. He grabbed onto the handle and pushed; it didn't move. Dean frowned and pressed his whole body against it and nothing.

"Are you serious?" He grumbled and stared at where the bullet had bounced off, a mark was left but ultimately it wasn't open or unlocked. "It's probably got some special lock or something, goddamn it…"

"You think Jet really has the keys?" Charlie looked at Sam who opened his mouth to answer but stopped and contemplated.

"Actually, I don't see why MacLeod would have that sort of thing on his key ring… Do we even know what kinda locks these are?"

"No," Dean frowned deeper as he glared at the handle just as Sam had moments before. "But we might have to go get any keys he might have on him, right? I mean it's possible, old people do weird things to make sure they don't forget anything."

"Dean," Sam looked at him disapprovingly and Dean tossed his hands up.

"What? They do!"

Charlie leaned down to look at the lock, "Maybe I can open it…" she muttered as she messed around with it, Dean stood back and watched with the hopes of seeing magic happen. After a few moments of staring and watching Charlie's expression remain determined, Dean started to think that maybe they weren't going to be getting inside.

"Well we killed the only thing that could break through these doors," he kicked the metal surface and silently regretted it. "What's the plan now? We can't get rid of all these things if we can't get inside."

"Here," Castiel walked up beside him and lifted one of the arms of the four-armed clone.

"Uh," Dean looked at it questioningly, "When did it lose an arm?"

"Just now," Cas held firmly to it and wound back, "Excuse me, please."

They got out of his way pretty quickly, watching in awe as Cas beat the door down. His strength combined with the piercing claws of the disarmed clone made quick work of the metal as if it were made of clay. Dean whistled low as Cas made room for them to fit through, "Wow, that was impressive." He looked at Cas' side as concern swept over him again, "But you should be resting…"

"Well we can't do this without me breaking the doors in," Cas shrugged, "and I feel alright now, so it's okay."

"If you say so," Dean furrowed his brow, "But you better not push yourself, we can take a break whenever you need, okay?"

Cas looked at him for a moment, his eyes quickly shifting focus between Dean's. He leaned in and kissed Dean on the cheek, "Thank you, Dee. I'll tell you if I need a break."

"I appreciate it," Dean kissed him back and turned to follow Sam and Charlie inside past the broken door. It led to a small hall with more doors; just like the set up of the other area with the dead bodies, except in this one everything was intact.

"We're gonna have to do that with every one of these?" Charlie groaned and looked at Cas apologetically, "You've got your work cut out for you, I'm sure this part of the basement has dozens of these."

"Yeah," Cas placed his hand over his side; Dean knew it had to hurt like hell. He wished he could do it, or that he could just carry Cas out of there.

Dean watched as Castiel went to the first cell door, his heart rate was increasing as he expected to see his boyfriend jumped by the next clone. At the rate he was going his heart would give out and he'd be dead before he got to Bobby's age.

Cas wound up and broke a hole in the door, not big enough for anything to fit through but enough to see inside. Instead of a sudden reaction from a menacing clone trapped in the room, they were greeted by a horrible smell and a lifeless body on the floor. Dean pulled his shirt up over his nose and tried to ignore the sudden pang in his chest.

Sam and Charlie were similarly silent; all Dean could hear was a soft sound of disgust from where Castiel was standing. He didn't envy that sense of smell.

"That's nasty," Cas uttered and moved away from the hole he'd made, "Oh god I'm sick of these smells…"

Dean rubbed his back sympathetically, "Maybe wrap something around your face, it might help."

"Good idea," Cas pulled up the collar up and sighed, "It doesn't save me but it helps."

"Better than nothing," Sam added with an attempt at a helpful smile though he clearly didn't believe his own words.

Cas moved to the next door and did the same, just opened a hole to look inside. A set of bright eyes met them the second time around and a high-pitched whine pierced their ears. Cas had moved his head away so as not to see what was inside, Dean imagined it was to keep his wits about him. However it didn't seem to work terribly well, Cas crouched on the floor and seethed, breathing heavily and trying to keep himself still.

"You okay?" Dean touched his shoulder and Cas moved away from him with a sharp hiss. "Whoa! Okay, sorry," he raised his hands in surrender as Castiel's eyes blinked back into focus.

"I'm sorry," he stammered and shuffled away, "I didn't mean to do that,"

"It's okay," Sam reassured him comfortingly just before the clone smacked into the door and tried to reach through. Its arm swung wildly and just barely missed Sam's face before the team moved away from its reach.

"You don't have control over how you react to your clones, it's alright," Charlie knelt down next to Cas but still given enough distance to keep Cas' comfort level up. He didn't flinch that time so she touched his shoulder gently. He sighed and nodded, glancing back at Dean with the guiltiest expression.

Dean didn't know what to do but smile in return, "It's okay, Cas." He said and watched the little spark of life in Castiel's eyes. "I totally get it, you don't need to worry about it." He paused and had to think for a moment.

"Cas, can you keep opening the doors or did you need to take a break?" Sam asked as he looked at Castiel's side with some concern.

"I'm fine," Cas was stubborn but it was getting a little too clear that he wasn't doing as great as he said he was. Dean could tell that Cas looked a little paler and he moved slower than normal. It made him anxious and he wasn't willing to just let Cas keep going because they were all scared about what was in the basement.

"I have an idea," Dean stated and took Cas' hand as a means to stop his boyfriend from trying to attack the doors anymore, "These clones are pretty obviously locked in here, they wouldn't have gotten free if Desirae hadn't opened the first door, right? If we leave them be for a little longer it wouldn't be such a bad thing, that way we can all recuperate."

"We don't know how long they'll stay in here," Cas looked at him worriedly, "What if they get out? We can kill them all now and be done with it."

"I don't think they'll get out," Dean was willing to argue that point, he grabbed one of the handles and pulled at it for emphasis, "It doesn't budge and only one of them was strong enough or had the ability to break it open."

"That we know of," Cas pushed as he looked around at their little team, "I think we need to take care of this as soon as we can."

"It'd be better if we could just open the doors," Sam folded his arms over his chest, "that way we wouldn't have to rely on Cas when he's injured."

"I dunno," Charlie surprised Dean when she spoke up, he looked at her with a furrowed brow and almost demanded she explain before she continued. "Breaking a hole just small enough to aim a gun through should be all we need, right? If we open the doors all the way we give these things a chance to hack us up, tactically it's smarter to keep at it how we've been doing it." She paused and looked at Cas' injury, her eyes weren't nearly as concerned as Dean thought they should be.

"Do you want Cas to kill himself doing this?" He blurted out angrily, unable to control the outburst though really he didn't care to do so anyway. "He's hurt! He needs medical help or it's gonna get worse."

"I read about Cas' abilities, apparently he should heal faster than an average person," Charlie explained, "Their reasoning was that they wanted him to heal quicker from surgeries, though I don't know how long it'll take for a gash like that to get better."

"I feel fine," Cas said again but Dean didn't buy it.

"I'm not going to let you do this to yourself," Dean frowned and tightened his grip on Castiel's hand. The response he received was a sharp light in Cas' eyes and an angry expression.

"I've decided I want to do this, Dee. I want to keep all of you safe, I'm not doing it because I'm trying to look cool or for some stupid martyrdom. I know my limits and I know I can handle this, I need you to trust me. Unless my decisions for myself no longer count when you say otherwise?"

Dean froze up as the accusation hit him square in the chest. His hold on Cas' hand loosened and Castiel pulled away from him but held his gaze firmly, waiting for an answer of some kind. Cas' speaking had gotten phenomenally better and that moment was the first time Dean really noticed. Castiel didn't stutter anymore, his pacing was normal and he barely had to stop mid-sentence unless he was actually interrupted. The fact that his speech patterns was completely normal, and Cas' behaviour showed almost no signs of ever being experimented on made his words more potent than ever.

Dean lowered his head and looked away, "I didn't mean it like that," he felt awful for letting that kind of thought get into Cas' head, if he were more careful with how he spoke then maybe it wouldn't be there.

"Then trust me," Cas' tone was far softer and brought Dean's gaze back up. Castiel's eyes were gentle now and he'd extended his hand to Dean's again.

Dean nodded and grabbed Cas' hand firmly, "I'm sorry," he moved forward and hugged Castiel, appreciating every bit of pressure he received in return.

"I forgive you," Cas kissed his cheek and stepped back again, "Now let's get this over with so we can go and see Jet."

"Sounds good." Dean nodded and got out of Cas' way. He wouldn't say it out loud again but he still didn't like to see Cas struggle so much for their sake. He wished he had super strength to do it instead. Part of him considered getting Desirae but he knew he couldn't do that to her either, it'd be unethical on top of the fact that Sam and Jet would skin him.

He'd realized that he'd heard the same statement about trusting Cas over and over again, ever since they met there was a question of trust. Dean always said he did, it was easy to say and it was the right thing to say. But the more that he thought about it the more he questioned it; he realized that saying he trusted Cas wasn't the same as actually doing it. He trusted many things about Castiel, he trusted that Cas loved him and that Cas would protect them. But when it came down to making the right choices at the right moment he was a little fuzzy.

Saying it wasn't enough, Dean knew he would have to actively make an attempt to think about it, to make sure he understood it. He didn't want to be all talk, he wanted to honestly trust Castiel's judgement and that would take actual work.

Dean watched Cas closely as he beat open the doors, just enough to shoot any vicious clones waiting on the other side. Dean's ears were ringing with each shot and his stomach hurt as stress settled there. Cas was still going, he didn't look any worse but he didn't look any better either. Dean kept his mouth shut.

It felt like an eternity, watching Castiel swing a severed arm and listening to it clash with the metal door. Another shot echoed. It was Dean's turn to shoot next so he stepped closer, waited for the peeling metal and aimed into the hole.

Another shot echoed. Dean stepped away again, it was Sam's turn.

And then Charlie's. And his. And Sam's.

It went on like that. Some rooms were completely empty, showed no signs of anything inside so they moved on. Some rooms were occupied by corpses, no need to waste shots on those either.

Dean kept watching Cas and thought that maybe he'd worried for nothing, Castiel didn't have to exert himself all that much and he'd even gotten a bit faster. Charlie was right, Cas healed faster than the rest of them would have. That wasn't to say that Cas' wounds didn't hurt, but it made sense. It explained why Cas was still alive after his lack of food or water, it explained why some of the clones were still alive too. At least, that's what Dean decided to attribute it to.

It was his turn again, he'd gotten so used to it and he knew they were close to the end he'd relaxed about each room. Hell, he'd even gotten used to the smell that he didn't need to keep his shirt over his face. Cas still did, but they all understood why.

"Sorry I doubted you, Cas." Dean said as his boyfriend wound up for the hundredth time, Cas paused and looked at Dean with a smile. It was all he really needed to do in response, Dean smiled back and that was the interaction. Everything was okay between them, he could feel it.

Dean aimed his handgun inside as soon as Cas stepped out of his way, he could hear a growl but he couldn't see the clone this time. "It's ducked down by the door," he grumbled because it'd happened a few times now. He kicked the door but that didn't do much, so he decided to aim the gun down without knowing exactly where the clone was. A sharp cry reached their ears but the thing didn't sound dead.

Careless behaviour brings careless consequences, a hand grabbed Dean's wrist after the shot. It was so fast, the clone climbed up his arm, as if the thing no longer had enough strength in its legs. Dean pulled frantically in that split second but he couldn't pull free, the others only barely realizing something had gone wrong.

The clone's face appeared in the hole, it looked like Castiel if he'd been starved for a few more weeks beyond what Dean had originally seen when they'd met. He heard Cas' voice behind him, felt arms on his torso and watched as the clone opened its mouth. Dean expected it to bite but instead he noticed an odd smell and the space between their faces suddenly became hazy.

There was a high pitched whine and another gunshot that exploded into the clone's face, blood splattered and Dean could only see red. He tried to spit but realized that his lungs were seizing up, red blurred into black and he struggled to breathe.

Focus faded fast, he felt strong arms around him and heard distant voices.

He couldn't understand anything anymore, he couldn't figure out where he was or how time was moving.

He tried to speak again, he wanted to say Castiel's name but he couldn't tell if it came out or if it was all in his head.

He felt like he was moving, there was air rushing past his face.

Before numbness started to seep in he felt his skin burning, his face hurt but not as much as his lungs.

His consciousness slipped away from him, he didn't even have the chance to be terrified about it.


	71. Chapter 71

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I'm a butt and missed yesterday's usual update I shall post this one too :D

Castiel was tired, his arms were sore and his side was aching. He could feel the blood had dried and it had become itchy, he did his best not to scratch it. The others didn't speak up much, they all just did their part over and over again. He didn't really complain about that, talking would lead to Dean telling him to take a break again. And while part of him thought that'd be good, he could see an end and wanted it to come faster.

Once all of those clones were dead they'd be safe. Dean would be safe, they could all sleep soundly and Cas wouldn't have to sit up at night worrying about it. He could finally move forward, he could move on with it all and he wouldn't have to worry anymore about where he came from.

The basement could be abandoned once they were finished with it, he could burn it if he wanted to. He could level the walls, destroy everything down there and never think of it again. He had become more himself than he ever thought he could be; sure, he didn't know exactly what he was supposed to be but that didn't matter. Everyone would accept him no matter what he had become, even if that wasn't who Castiel Novak originally was.

Cas was looking forward to that. He felt like he was slowing down, like his energy was running thin. His side didn't hurt as much, a dull sort of ache that pulsed every time he exerted himself. It was alright, at least he wasn't losing blood anymore.

He hadn't expected Dean to suddenly say anything, but it was a warm-hearted apology and all Cas could do was smile about it. He hated fighting with Dean, but sometimes it led to moments like that one; a quiet look that expressed everything. Cas was forgiving and Dean was learning, or vice versa, it always made him feel better.

With just that little boost he felt he could finish the last set of rooms, they were almost done. He broke the door again like all the others, Dean stepped up and Cas started to move toward the next one.

"It's ducked down by the door," Dean said, Cas wasn't concerned though; they'd handled that a few times and a well-placed shot usually did the trick. He heard the gun go off and expected that it was fine, but the strangled sound of an injured clone rang out next. Cas' heart was in his throat and he looked back to see that Dean was stuck with his arm still in the room, a familiar face peering up through the hole.

Cas reeled and ran back, "Dee!" he shouted but it wasn't any help. The clone hissed out what Cas could already smell wasn't regular air. His hands were on Dean to pull him away, Charlie opened fire on the clone and killed it instantly. Dean could be pulled free from the door but it was too late, Cas held him close and tilted his head as he tried to wipe the blood away from his eyes. "Dee! Dee can you hear me?"

Dean wasn't answering, both Charlie and Sam were calling his name too but he didn't respond. Dean coughed and wheezed, like he was trying to regain consciousness but it wasn't doing him much good.

"I need to get him out of here," Cas picked Dean up and looked at the other two, "Please wait with Michael and Desirae."

"Wait," Charlie interrupted his escape, "Where are you taking him?"

"To the hospital."

"Do you know where it is?"

"I have a good idea." He said before taking off, he couldn't waste any more time. Whatever it was that the clone did to Dean, Cas wanted it to be as minimal as it possibly could be. He used his wings to propel him forward, the hall sped by in a blur and every door looked the same. He could feel his heart rate increasing as he dashed through the basement like a rat in a maze it had already memorized. Dean groaned and coughed violently, his fingers dug into Cas' shirt.

"Cas…" he whined and broke Castiel's heart a little more.

"It's okay, Dee." Cas said the only thing that he could think of, "It's okay. It's going to be okay."

Cas burst out of the basement labyrinth again and passed Michael and Desirae again, he didn't bother to listen to anything they said and just kept moving. He didn't have time to stop.

Up the last set of stairs, down the hall and through the front door – Castiel's wings spread and he took off immediately. "I know you don't like to fly, I'm sorry." he told Dean as he felt Dean's fingers loosen on his shirt before his boyfriend's arm fell limp altogether. "It's okay," he said with tears filling his eyes. "It's okay, it's okay."

The countryside flew by and he could see the city laid out ahead, he didn't question how he knew where the hospital was. It snapped to his mind when he needed it and that was all he could ask of his brain. He scanned the buildings as he flew, he knew that there were a few hospitals but he wanted the closest one. Dean needed the closest one.

The second he spotted it he dove down, he knew he'd raise eyebrows and questions more and more as people saw him but he didn't care. He didn't need to care anymore, it didn't matter if Dean didn't make it out alive. He'd deal with it later.

Castiel ran inside the front door, he curled his wings in to make sure he didn't absently knock anyone over. Considering how fast he had flown it must've only been a few minutes but he wasn't sure, his brain was telling him it had been an eternity already so he wasn't the best judge of time.

"Help!" he shouted as he ran in, people looked at him and their eyes either went to the bloody stain on his side, the wings on his back, or the unconscious man in his arms. "He's not breathing, please help!" Cas cried as he watched nurses hurrying around to his side, "Please help him." He didn't know what to do but they were quick to get Dean onto a stretcher. Cas followed, hoping they'd let him.

"What happened?" Someone asked, he didn't know who.

"I think it was some sort of poisonous gas," he really didn't know what it was, it could've been anything knowing those experiments.

They didn't let him go with, he was stopped in a waiting area and told someone would like to speak with him about 'his friend's information.' Cas was nervous but he had nothing else he could do, Dean was out of his hands now. So he sat in the waiting room, trying to catch up with what the hell just happened. It went so fast, his enhanced reflexes didn't help him at all.

"Castiel?" A familiar voice chimed in and caught his attention. At first he was worried but then he spotted Garth standing by a vending machine. "What are you doing- are you bleeding!? Is that your blood? What happened?"

Cas let him run through a bunch of questions as he just half listened tiredly, "Dean got hurt," he said finally and dropped his face into his hands, "He's hurt and he might die." He heard his voice break and felt a tickle run down his forearms as tears fell freely. A sob shook him and tore up his throat, he couldn't speak anymore.

Dean. Dean was all he could think about. He needed to see Dean, needed to know that Dean was okay.

Garth didn't say anything, or if he had Cas wasn't listening. He couldn't do anything. He hadn't even checked if Dean was still alive when they arrived, he just handed his body off to strangers. But if Dean was alive they'd save him, right?

"Cas," Bobby was there now, a firm hand resting on Castiel's shoulder. "Whatever it was, it wasn't your fault."

Cas didn't look up, instead he just turned and dropped his head against Bobby's shoulder. He couldn't answer, had no words to speak with. His chest felt like it was being dragged underwater, deeper and deeper until the pressure was too much. His stomach was tied in knots and he felt like he might throw up. The pounding in his head hadn't slowed down either, it just continued on a rhythm that gave him a headache and made his face feel like it was burning.

It hurt. The idea that he might have just lost Dean hurt more than anything else he'd been through. A scar on his skin was nothing, he'd take a thousand more if he could just keep Dean with him.

"I need him!" Cas blurted out in a wail and pressed his face down harder, Bobby didn't flinch and just held onto him firmly. "I need him, I can't lose him," he looked up at Bobby with frantic eyes, "Is he going to be okay?"

"I don't know," Bobby was honest but it didn't comfort him.

Cas just stared at Bobby for a few seconds as he realized that there was no way to tell if Dean would be okay. Not yet. He'd have to wait. He'd just sit there and rot until Dean came back to him alive.

Dean would come back to him. Dean wouldn't die.

Cas took a shaky breath and tried to understand.

Dean would come back. Dean wouldn't die.

Cas took another breath, trying to breathe deeper, trying to calm down.

Dean wouldn't die, he would come back.

Bobby sighed lightly and gave Cas a comforting squeeze.

Dean would come back.

Cas could tell Bobby wasn't calm either, Bobby's hand was shaking.

Dean wouldn't die.

Bobby was scared too, neither of them had any answers.

Dean wouldn't come back.

Castiel tried to breathe but it shuddered in his throat and stopped.

Dean would die.

He swallowed but his throat felt like it had closed up and he coughed, coughing turned to sobbing.

"Dee…" he whimpered and collapsed against Bobby anyway, "I'm so scared, Dee…"

It was nothing but silence for a while, just a few minutes had passed but Castiel was already living in a void. Time didn't mean anything to him, it was all forever until Dean came back. A nurse approached and tried to ask Cas some questions when she noticed that he was covered in dried blood and that wasn't just the colour of his clothing.

Cas didn't pay attention anymore, he felt numb as he was led to a room to be analyzed. He didn't care that everyone was staring at him, he hardly noticed. Bobby probably ended up answering every question, questions about Cas and Dean. Castiel stared at the floor with half-lidded eyes as a nurse inspected his injuries, he felt some pain but it didn't register like it had before. He couldn't even tell what pain was coming from where, it was all just hurting.

He said nothing, he couldn't bring himself to speak up when asked anything. He was grateful for Bobby and Garth being there, Bobby could tell them about who Dean was and Garth could at least direct their contact information to Michael or Charlie. Cas just let them fix him up, he let time slip by and it was a lot of waiting around. He did end up getting stitches, it was a surprise to him but he didn't complain about it.

Cas expected that the hospital would be scary, that it'd feel too much like an experiment table. But it wasn't like that at all, people were bustling around everywhere – some well and some not. The staff were relatively friendly despite his disposition, though maybe that was why. He was aware that there was a relatively steady stream of tears on his face throughout most of the experience.

Bobby tried to tell him to cheer up, that Dean had a good chance but he couldn't drag his hopes up to let them break again. He needed to save that for the end, whatever that outcome might be.

With his stitches in and some attempt at comforting words from a doctor, Cas moved back to the waiting room where Bobby and Garth were sitting. As the clock ticked away he felt the initial wave of despair lighten up on him, leaving only a fissure to ache in its path. Cas swallowed, his mouth was dry now. He looked at Bobby with tired eyes, "So… have they said anything?"

"Not yet," Bobby looked apologetic, Cas felt like he should be apologizing to Bobby and not the other way around. He should've kept Dean safe, Bobby trusted him to do it.

"What about Jet?" he needed to get some good news. Something. Anything.

"He's stable now, they said they would have to remove more of his arm to make sure it was clean and manageable." Garth answered, he sounded upbeat though it was a softened version of his usual demeanour. "It was a bit touch and go at first, but he pulled through and now they said he just needs to be monitored for a while. Should be fine."

Castiel managed to smile a little, "That… that's good news." He exhaled a bit easier and tried to feel relaxed. "Thank you."

Bobby pat Cas' arm, seeming like he was about to say something but he ended up frowning and looking at other people in the waiting area. "You mind not takin' pictures?"

They didn't say anything, just put their phones down.

"It's okay," Cas looked at Bobby, trying his best not to look as exhausted as he felt. Judging by Bobby's expression it wasn't working too well. "I don't really care if they do, it doesn't matter."

"Considering we've had a few bloody people come in here from the same household, I imagine we'll be talking to the cops soon." Garth scratched the back of his head, "I mean I hope not, I don't know how to explain the basement stuff…"

"You won't have to," Cas assured him, "You're barely involved."

"Hey, I'm here aren't I? I'm as involved as any of you." Garth smiled at him, "I ain't no fair-weather friend."

"I appreciate it," Cas felt like his attempt at being more energetic was backfiring and he felt even more tired. How long would he have to wait to hear about Dean? The longer he waited the more it scared him. Was it good to wait that long? Were they making sure Dean was stable before telling anyone anything?

"Hey," Bobby said and scared him a little, "It's okay if you need to take a nap, I'll wake you up if anything happens."

Cas wanted to deny the offer but he needed the energy. "Okay…"


	72. Chapter 72

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I had to do this chapter this way, hope you all like it :3

He could barely remember what happened, it was so dark and fuzzy. Desirae was there - he couldn't carry her anymore. He couldn't run anymore either; his legs had given up on him. Jet found himself lying on the ground, staring at the dark walls ahead of him and listening to the dull sound of footsteps. It was a mess of noise, nothing blended right and it all just piled on top of the next sound until he couldn't make anything out.

How long had he been lying there? Was he dead? He could remember a little, the distant echo of a little girl shouting at him.

" _Please, please, please get up!"_

Jet tried to move but he couldn't, it was over, he was done. Why didn't she just go? He wished he could yell one more time and demand that she run, no matter how cliché that sounded.

" _Goddamn it, dad! Just get up!"_

Jet flinched. Dad? Had she called him that or was he hallucinating? She wasn't running away, had she stayed with him? Was she dead too? Did she get away?

He could hear the sound of a rhythmic sort of beeping noise; it was still sharp in his ears despite how much his senses were already dulled. There was mumbling around him and he could tell that there was a bright light just past his eyelisds.

He knew where he was; a hospital. He made it to a hospital. If he made it then what happened to Desirae? It burned him and he knew he couldn't just lie there. He wasn't fully awake yet but he had to know where she was, he had to know if she was okay.

Just as the thought reached the edge of panic he saw a pair of blue eyes and curly dark hair peeking down at him. Those eyes widened and tears slipped out, a soft gasp broke the monotony of the machines beeping.

"He's awake!" Desirae chimed with terrified relief; Jet couldn't believe he was hearing her voice again.

"Rae?" he asked tiredly, surprised at the lack of energy in his voice but the way it cracked was a little more telling. Tears burned his eyes as he tried to focus on her face, "Are you okay?"

She was looking at him with an expression that made his chest ache; he couldn't quite get his head around it. She looked fine, her stressed smile was his fault but otherwise she was healthy and uninjured. He wanted to reach up to touch her face – but as he moved his arm he had to stop entirely. He'd tried to reach with his left hand.

Jet coughed out a laugh, unsure of what to say at all or what he was even feeling at that moment. Desirae didn't seem to notice though; she took his right hand and held onto it tightly, as she nodded her head. "I'm fine," she was trying hard not to cry.

"Did you save me?" he asked, a little astonished and a lot confused. She nodded more, unable to speak but someone else spoke up for her.

"She did," Sam walked over to him and cupped his cheek gently, "How're you feeling?"

"Dazed and confused," Jet offered a smile though he could feel how sluggish it was. He was drugged up a little, probably painkillers. But he could bitch about his arm later, right at that moment all he could do was look at Sam. He couldn't understand or explain how happy he was to be able to see Sam again, it was something he wanted as he thought he was dying and now he had it. Sam was right there.

Sam's thumb brushed over his cheek, Jet knew he was crying now but he didn't care. Overwhelmed was the only way he could describe himself. "It's okay," Sam whispered to him, Jet felt his jaw trembling now that something as firm as Sam's hand was holding it. "You're safe, we're all here."

Jet took a shuddering breath and closed his eyes again; he just leaned into Sam's touch and tried to calm himself down. Everyone was there, he made it out alive. "I thought I was dead," he muttered, a statement that received a firm kiss from his boyfriend. Jet didn't fight it, he found himself needing it and hoping it wouldn't end. That maybe he'd open his eyes again and they'd be in Sam's bed, the rest of the events having been a bad dream.

"I was scared you were too," Sam admitted after pulling away, Jet couldn't quite get the strength to follow otherwise their kiss wouldn't have ended then. "How are you really feeling?"

Jet started to respond but stopped himself; there wasn't really a good answer or lie that he could just go with as a joke. Sam wanted a real response, but Jet didn't know how to give one. He shrugged and tried to smile, "Can't complain, I guess."

Sam frowned and Jet knew it wasn't the right answer, how could it be when Sam was asking so earnestly for the truth? However, instead of being angry with him Sam sighed and kissed his forehead like there was some kind of foregone conclusion Jet didn't know about. He had some guesses but that was about it.

"What about you?" He asked next, "What happened?"

"Not much," Sam raised his hand to Desirae to stop her from answering before she could give Jet any real details. "Dean's in emergency care and Cas has stitches, that's about it."

Jet's eyes widened, he didn't comprehend everything that was going on but he heard that loud and clear. "What? What happened?"

Sam shrugged, "Stuff."

"Sam, seriously, what happened?"

Sam's frown deepened and a crease crossed his forehead, "You first,"

Jet groaned and would've covered his face with his hand if Desirae weren't hanging onto it. Instead he closed his eyes and tried not to clench his jaw, "Sam, please," he could hear his voice shaking, his chest was tight and felt like it weighed a ton.

"Sorry," Sam was immediately apologetic; he even sounded ashamed of himself. "I know you don't need the hassle right now. I'm just… I want to help you. After you were rushed to the hospital I needed to do something, I went into the basement with the others-"

"Are you insane?" Jet cut him off; he could see that Sam was right in front of him but just the idea of his partner going down to face those things terrified him. "Did you not see what they did to me? You could've been killed!"

"I know," Sam looked at Desirae who was still refusing to let go of Jet's hand, "Desirae, you think you could go talk to Bobby and see if they have news about Dean?"

She shook her head, "I'm staying here with him,"

"Please?" Jet turned to her too, a pleading look on his face to try and help it along. "I'd go but I can't get up."

"Oh," she got a little frantic for a second as she tried to decide what the right thing to do was, "Well, if you want me to?"

"I would really appreciate it," he smiled and squeezed her hands gently, "I'm not going anywhere, you can hold my hand when you get back."

"Okay," she leaned up and kissed his cheek, "You better not be lying, dad or you'll really get it." She said quickly before leaving the room, pointing back at him for emphasis. Jet blinked a few times in his disbelief and looked up at Sam again.

"Did she just…?"

"Yeah," Sam moved to the other side of the bed and sat down where he could take Jet's hand in his. There was a quiet moment where neither said anything and Sam just looked at him.

Jet didn't know what to say but he knew he had to say something. He could see Sam's eyes trail over him, staring at his hand, staring at where there should've been a second one. "Are you mad at me?" It was the first thing that came to mind and it baffled Sam, confused eyes staring even harder at him.

"Why the hell would I be mad?" Sam asked incredulously, a soft laugh in his throat.

"I dunno," Jet heard his voice crack again, the weight on his chest getting worse. "I don't know, I feel like I messed up." His eyes were watering again and he tried blinking it away, clearing his throat as if that'd help. "I was gonna die and I didn't say anything to you. I went into the basement without anyone else or telling anyone where I was going."

"You told Bobby," Sam corrected him gently, "And I'm not mad at you."

"But I didn't answer the way I was supposed to," Jet felt a break in his façade, he couldn't stop it from happening so he just let it go. Whatever ended up coming out of him was something he'd just have to deal with as it happened. "I upset you again after already worrying you, I want to tell you how I'm feeling but I don't know what to say." Tears fell and he knew he was a mess, Sam was listening and watching quietly but that didn't take away any of Jet's anxieties. "I don't want Desirae to see me like this, and I don't want you to have to deal with all my shit. So I didn't say anything and that was wrong too, you're already dealing with whatever happened to Dean and I can't give you what you need."

"Jet," Sam tried to interject and for once Jet actually stopped and listened. It was a bit of a surprise to both of them. "Getting bitchy with you over not telling me how you feel was all me. I was unfair to try and force you to talk; god knows what you're dealing with right now. And what I need is you, just you." He held tighter and lowered his head, they were both silent for another few seconds. "I was so mad that I couldn't help you and Desirae, so when Cas said we had to clear out the basement before anything got worse I jumped at the chance. I had to do something, anything. Dean, Cas and Charlie were all with me, we had weapons and went after the clones together."

Jet sniffled and tried to wipe his eyes but remembered again that he didn't have a left arm to do that with. Instead of telling Sam he'd done it twice he just let the tears dry on his face. "You just need me?" He asked hesitantly, unsure of what he needed to hear but he was felt like he was on the right track.

"Just you," Sam smiled sadly, "I'm sorry I did that to you right after you woke up, I wasn't thinking."

"Your brother's in the hospital, I can imagine why." Jet smirked and for the first time since waking it felt genuine. Sam saw it too and even laughed a little. "So… mind telling me what happened?"

Sam nodded, "When I got your text in town I told Cas as soon as I read it, he flew back ahead of us and saved you guys. I got back to the house and Bobby and Garth were carrying you out the door."

"Must've scared you," Jet gave Sam's hand a reassuring squeeze, "Sorry about that."

"You saved Desirae's life," Sam kissed his cheek, "Don't apologize."

Jet smiled and tried to relax in the lumpy hospital bed, "Alright, if you say so. But I get that you guys went down there, why is Dean in emergency?"

"Well one part of the basement had different cells that you couldn't see into, all the clones were behind steel doors so Cas broke open small holes in them so we could shoot the clones without worrying about being jumped. Dean got caught by one and it breathed some kind of toxins in his face. Cas rushed him here."

Jet could tell it was hard for Sam to say, rage had cooled off and all Sam had left was exhaustion. He wanted to save Sam some of the hard explaining, "I'm guessing Cas was hit by a few clones in his frenzy; you and Charlie weren't hit?"

Sam shook his head, an appreciative look on his face, "We're okay, a little shaken up."

Desirae walked back into the room, she noticed Sam was in her spot but something about his disposition kept her quiet. She climbed onto the bed and sat at Jet's feet, "Bobby says they haven't said anything yet."

Jet nodded, "Thanks sweetheart,"

"Jet," Cas entered the room with wide, tired eyes. "You're awake."

"I think so," he chuckled; Cas hurried around to his left side and knelt next to the bed.

"How are you feeling?"

Jet looked at Sam first then back to Cas, "Honestly?"

"Of course," Cas furrowed his brow, "Why would I want you to lie?"

He had a good point. Jet shrugged a little, "I guess I'm alright. I mean, I'm alive so that's good." He tried not to smile when Desirae crawled a little higher on the bed to be closer to him; she was eyeing his face but not saying anything. He knew she could tell he was crying, he didn't blame her for not being able to come up with something to say.

"That's not a feeling," Desirae poked his cheek lightly, "Are you sad?"

"No, I…" he stopped again and thought a little more on it, "Maybe. I'm sad I'm missing an arm but if I was back in that same situation I'd do it again, so I don't know if I should be sad about it."

"You can be sad," her ears tipped down, a look of empathy on her face. "I'm happy you saved me but I'm sad you had to hurt yourself to do it. You can feel more than one thing at a time, dumb-dumb."

Jet couldn't deny that he was feeling more emotional than usual, he wanted to cry and laugh at that moment and maybe that was exactly what she was talking about. "Okay, you're right, you win." He then noticed that she was wearing a long coat, too long for her but it covered her tail, and a hoodie to cover her ears. "Ah… that's a simple disguise."

"We're not all as creative as you are with disguises," Sam scoffed, "I was coming here and I had to take her to see you."

"It works, right?" Desirae looked down at herself, "I'm sorta covered."

"Works just fine, though you'll sweat to death in the summer heat." Jet pulled his hand away from Sam and reached under Rae's hood to rub her head.

"Yeah, it's kinda warm," she admitted though Jet knew she was diminishing the experience.

Jet glanced at Cas' tired face, everyone seemed to have the same expression of exhaustion but Cas' looked the worst. "What about you? How are you feeling?"

"Dean's still in emergency," Cas said solemnly and sighed heavily, "Bobby told me to take a nap but I can't sleep, not until I know Dean's okay."

"Dean's tough, he'll make it through." Jet lifted his leg and nudged Cas with his knee since his right arm couldn't reach without rolling over. It hurt to move too much, the painkillers were wearing off but he didn't want to say anything just yet. "You should sleep, man."

Cas nodded, "I know, but I can't."

"Hey kid," Bobby entered the room with a welcome smile, Jet returned it to the best of his ability.

"Bobby, what's up?"

"Figured I'd bring you something," Bobby walked over and placed a cupcake down on the side table, "Thought you might need it."

Jet sniffled for what felt like the hundredth time, tears once again in his eyes as he stared at the treat. "You serious?" He asked through an emotional grin, "Ah man," he rubbed his eyes again and laughed at himself.

Sam smiled and picked it up, taking off the little paper skirt, "Here you go, babe."


	73. Chapter 73

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been incredible and so supportive. I'm sorry I tormented you with such a long wait this time! I'm in the process of apartment hunting so I was a bit slower than normal. But I love how you've all been with this. You're incredible, thank you.
> 
>  

 

Time ticked by and Cas could hear every single little sound like someone banging against a pot relentlessly. He was tired but sleep wouldn't come. Sitting and waiting was eating him alive, he didn't want to know what time it was anymore, he didn't want to look at a clock. All he wanted was to know what was happening with Dean. The staff were really nice to him, maybe because he was a very strange creature and they didn't want to get hurt or something. But he figured that they would probably call the police if he actually frightened them.

They'd given him hospital clothing to wear instead of the bloodied mess he'd arrived in. It was cleaner for his wound, they'd told him. He didn't mind, it smelled a lot better and that was a small comfort.

Jet had fallen asleep again, Sam stayed at his side with Desirae who tended to run in and out of the room with more energy than Cas could understand at that moment. Bobby went in and out too, but he did it to see how everyone was doing. He said it was okay by him to get snacks and things for the rest of the team, he wanted to feel useful and Cas respected that. Charlie and Michael were sitting with Garth but they tended to wander around a bit more, stretching their legs and talking with some of the staff. Garth was like their place-maker, sitting in the same spot dependably waiting for news about Dean.

Cas appreciated everyone's help and presence; he knew that if he were sitting there alone he'd lose his mind. He'd end up listening to the sound of the clocks ticking, nurses talking quietly and rush of movement every now and then. Not that he wasn't doing that already, but it was more bearable with the others. He was sitting near where Garth was but he moved seats a lot more, he was nervous and had to pace once in a while. It tended to leave him in another part of the room when he decided to sit again, at that moment he had moved into the excess waiting chairs in the hallway. No one else was there though, it was late and most people had done their visiting or went home. The doctor had said their group should go home, Dean might take a while to recover and it'd be uncomfortable to stay in the waiting room.

They said they'd wait, none of them wanted to go and hang out in the mansion after what had happened. Michael and Garth could've left if they wanted to, though they didn't seem to want to go anywhere. Michael wanted to stay close to Cas and Garth insisted he never abandoned friends that needed him. So they all stayed, much to the staff's dismay.

Cas noticed that there were people staring at him; he wished he could take a nap to ignore it. But it wasn't every day that they saw someone with real wings, he imagined that people waiting in a hospital were fairly excited to see a winged person. He tried to look as small as he could, take away any anxiety about him being scary any sort of way that he could.

"Are you an angel?"

Castiel looked up to see an older lady with a walker, she seemed so gentle and he could only smile, "I wish I was,"

She smiled too, "My husband and I have been here waiting for our first grandchild," she took a seat next to him and turned to give her the attention he felt she deserved. She just offered her story without any prompting and he was happy to focus on something else. "My daughter's been in labour for almost 30 hours now, doctor says it's looking good though."

"That's great news," Cas wasn't totally sure what that meant. He had an idea, it had something to do with giving birth but the terminology was lost on him. The elder lady could tell he was faking it to a certain extent, but she laughed.

"It's okay to ask if you don't know, dear."

Cas smiled sheepishly, "I've been in so many situations lately where I don't know things I should, and it always seems to hurt people."

"It can hurt people, but I think lying can hurt worse." She looked at him with a knowing smile.

"Sorry," Cas bowed his head a little, "I didn't mean to lie to you. What do you mean by being in labour for 30 hours?"

"Well to save you the details, it means that the baby is coming out, but it's taking a long time."

"Oh," Cas lit up, "So you must be very excited."

"I am," she nodded, "Haven't held a baby in a long time." She was quiet for a moment, the two sat comfortably together. Then she looked him over, a bit puzzled, "What are you doing here, if you're not an angel?"

"I'm waiting," Cas fidgeted with his fingers and looked down at the floor, "My boyfriend was poisoned and we don't know if he'll be okay…"

"Oh my," she whispered and placed a shaking hand on his arm, "I'm sorry to hear that, waiting is never easy, is it?"

He shook his head and wiped tears away from his eyes, "No, it's the worst part. I don't know if I'll get to talk to him again or if that was the last time…"

"You're too young to have to ask those questions," she sighed and gave a gentle squeeze. "Hang in there."

"Thank you," he smiled at her, it was a subtle expression but he could tell she appreciated it.

As they sat together he noticed that others started to approach him. They all saw that one person had the nerve to get near the strange man with wings and was left unharmed for quite some time. In fact she touched him and talked to him and nothing bad happened. It was apparently safer to get close, so people did.

"Are those real?" A middle-aged man asked, he looked tired like most of the people in the waiting area. He was one of the ones that was injured or sick and not just waiting for a loved one. Cas knew he was referring to the wings, so instead of answering directly he raised them and slowly stretched them out to their full size.

"Whoa!" A resounding sound of awe reverberated in the halls of that section of the hospital.

"Are you human?" A woman asked skeptically, he could tell by her body language that she was very concerned about his presence.

"To be honest I don't know." Cas admitted and slowly lowered his wings again, curling them against his body to make them small. "I was an average person until I was abducted and experimented on, now I don't know how much of me is human and how much isn't." He noticed that there were phones in front of him, people were filming. Part of him knew he should probably discourage it, but he was too tired to really fight them. Maybe just a word would help.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't record me," he said softly, "But if you do I won't stop you."

"Put the phone down," the elderly lady insisted to the people that didn't turn their devices off. "You're being rude."

"This is real life fantasy shit, I'm not turning off my phone." Someone said and another agreed immediately.

Cas smiled at his new friend, "Thank you anyway,"

"You don't need this now, honey. I'm sorry I can't do more for you." She reassured him and he had to hug her.

"Hey!" Michael called over the chatter of the crowd that was gathering around Castiel, "No filming, what's wrong with you?" He went right for the people who were blatantly holding up their phones and knocked them aside. "Did you hear me?"

"Michael you're going to get thrown out," Cas warned gently, but it didn't seem to help much. The guy Michael basically assaulted jumped on the opportunity to relieve stress and shoved the older Novak a few feet back.

Michael didn't fall but he stumbled enough to feel embarrassed. Cas knew what he was going to do, he knew what the other guy was going to do too. Instead of letting the two fight he stepped forward and used his wings to block both of them. He didn't flinch as both men ran right into his rigid wings, he absorbed both of their momentum and flung them each backward.

"Enough," he demanded and folded his wings back, "I'm tired, please don't fight."

People didn't stop recording him but the fighting was over, some were staring at his eyes. He figured they glowed when he got upset, but that was bound to happen in front of anyone who didn't know. Cas sat back down and dropped his face into his hands.

"I just want Dee to be okay," he mumbled and the area went quiet. Michael sat down next to him, a heavy exhale was the most prominent sound he made. Nothing was said for quite a while, Cas wasn't counting the seconds but he could feel it in his limbs. They'd gotten stiff from remaining in the same position too long.

"Ma'am," a nurse approached the elderly lady who hadn't moved from Cas' side either. "Your daughter's asking for you."

"Oh!" She exclaimed excitedly, moving but unsure of what to do with herself. "Oh the baby's here? I need to get over there!"

Cas looked up at the genuine joy that lit up the woman's face. He smiled and touched her arm, "Congratulations."

She leaned over and hugged him again, "Take care, dear."

"Castiel," he told her, "My name's Castiel."

"Martha," she smiled sweetly and followed the nurse with excited little steps, going as fast as her walker would carry her. Cas watched until she disappeared into a room and sighed lightly.

"Hospitals are scary." He said and leaned back, he felt a pull in his muscles and made a note to move around more.

"You always hated them," Michael muttered through a yawn. "They depressed you most of the time."

Cas looked over at his brother, he still didn't feel the original connection but that was the first moment he felt something between the two of them. He was friends with Charlie again, but Michael was different. He was harder to approach and Cas wasn't sure how to deal with that. But he could see a way it could work, if he really tried to. "Did I tell you why?"

"Well mostly it's all bad news," Michael looked at him with an amused smirk, "To which I told you that some people get amazing news in hospitals too."

"Like what?" Cas asked and Michael chuckled.

"You said that too. At the time I told you that some people are given good news like 'it's a benign tumour.'" Michael was looking in Cas' direction but his eyes were focused on the past, "You said that they got the bad news first, getting relieving news doesn't count as good news. I didn't have an answer, I just let you decide to hate hospitals."

Cas hummed his understanding and looked down, "That's a dark outlook on hospitals… I think I can relate."

"Yeah, maybe." Michael scoffed softly and leaned back, "But you just witnessed a lady become a grandma for the first time. Isn't that good news?"

Cas glanced down the hall again, he remembered Martha's face and how happy she was. It was uplifting, and it happened in a hospital. Marth didn't seem too worried about her daughter, but it was possible that the situation could've ended badly too. It hadn't, but did that make the news any less good? And what about Dean? Cas knew that right then he was scared for Dean's life, that no news was terrible news. It made him feel horrible.

But if he was told that Dean was okay, would the previous stress make that information bad? He wasn't sure…

"Cas?" Michael asked tentatively, Cas figured he must've been quiet for a while, he wasn't exactly paying attention.

"Maybe… relieving news is good news." He said and Michael nodded, nothing else to say to that.

"Are you… Castiel?" A nurse asked, his head tilted curiously as he eyed the wings. Michael gave an unimpressed look in response to the nurse's once-over.

"I am," Cas' eyes lit up as he tried to keep his hopes down. "Is… is there news on Dee?"

"There is, he's stable now and though he's unconscious the doctor says he can have visitors."

Cas jumped out of his chair, "Which room?"

"He was moved to 609, I'll show you."

"I'll tell the others," Michael got up and that was the last thing Cas heard him say. His attention was completely focused on Dean and how slowly the nurse was moving.

An agonizing trip to the sixth floor, and down a never ending hallway later; Cas found himself entering a quiet, dim room. It had the same sounds as all the other rooms, mainly that beep that insisted the person's heart was beating. Dean was hooked up like Jet was, but he had a mask over his face and the room was swamped in the heavy sound of ragged breathing.

"He's… stable?" Cas asked hesitantly as he walked into the room, tears in his eyes all over again.

"Yes," the nurse said quietly, "His lungs were damaged, so for now he'll need a respirator to help him breathe properly."

"Will it heal?" Cas sat down at Dean's bedside slowly, he couldn't take his eyes off his boyfriend's unmoving face.

"Well… it's hard to say."

"Is that a yes or a no?"

The nurse sighed lightly, a sound that most wouldn't notice but Cas heard it clearly. "It's unclear, but the doctor believes he'll recover. But he might need a respirator for the rest of his life."

Cas covered his mouth as a sob tore up his throat. Dean would recover. He reached down and held Dean's hand firmly, cupping it between his and squeezing as he swallowed the news. "He's going to recover?" he repeated questioningly, not sure he should even be hopeful about it. He couldn't help the swell of relief in his chest.

The nurse smiled a little and nodded, "We think so, yeah."

That was all Castiel needed. He pressed his forehead against Dean's limp hand and held onto it tightly. Words wouldn't reach his mouth anymore, pressure built up in his throat and every sound that he tried to make ended up making him cry a little harder. Dean would recover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also two more things;  
> 1\. Cross to Bear made it into the Fanatic Fanfic Multi-fandom awards! It's in the Supernatural category so if you read it and liked it maybe shoot it a vote :)
> 
> 2\. I drew Desirae older on my zafonart tumblr account and deviantart. So check her out if you feel like it!


	74. Chapter 74

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a fun note; the older lady Martha from the last chapter is inspired by my own grandma ^_^

_Meanwhile…_

Dean found himself unable to focus on anything for the longest time, he remembered trying to speak and the horrible pain he'd found himself in. He remembered hearing Castiel and his vision going black. And that was it. His consciousness was far from accessible. It was like being asleep but colder.

And then suddenly he opened his eyes. It was fast and left him disoriented, staring into a location he didn't recognize. In fact it didn't really look like anything at all. He blinked a few times to try and wrap his head around what he was seeing or what was going on, and then;

"Dean?"

He looked up at the worried expression on a very familiar and welcomed face, and knew that he must've been within his own mind. "Cas," Dean waved once and glanced around them, "I'm used to seeing you in a dream or something…"

"Yeah, dreaming doesn't happen when you're unconscious like this." Cas walked up to Dean's side, there was a nervousness about him that made Dean feel anxious too.

"You okay?"

"I don't know," Cas placed his hand over his chest and looked down, "I'm scared I guess…"

"Cas hasn't slept yet," Dean remembered out loud and nodded his head, "Yeah, I could see why you'd be scared."

"Well if you die now you take me with you, so I may not need to worry at all." Cas chuckled and rubbed the back of his head.

"Oh," Dean felt a drop in his stomach, "Well yeah… I guess so." He hadn't thought about that yet, being inside his own head was a sign he hadn't died but how would he know when did? Would everything go dark? Was anything he felt at that moment translating to his body, or would his body affect him inside his head? What if he went into a coma or maybe he was already dead and they were stuck like that forever?

"Dean," Cas interrupted his rambling thoughts and reached over to take his hand, Dean held tight as soon as he could. "It'll be okay,"

Dean sighed and turned to give Cas a hug, he hung on and dropped his head against Cas' shoulder. "Thanks, I hope you're right."

They sat together silently for a long time, waiting for the empty space around them to become something or nothing. Neither knew what was going to happen, it very well could've been the eleventh hour for them both. Dean hadn't let go of Cas' hand the entire time; they wound up lying down and staring up. There wasn't anything to look at really, but it was better than pacing back and forth. Cas rested his head on Dean's chest; it was a familiar weight and reminded him of going to bed on a normal day.

Dean wasn't sure if that was a comfort or not. He didn't want to just slip away unknowingly, but at the same time he didn't want to end up panicked and watching his world go dark either. So he closed his eyes and listened, thinking maybe death would make some sort of sound or something. It wasn't very helpful but it was better than staring at the same nothing forever.

Castiel's hand moved in his once in a while, little bits of wriggling and then falling still again. That was the only thing Dean paid attention to, Castiel's movements and sounds. Breaking it down he decided that Cas was the one person he knew had to be with him in the end, no matter what. It was just the two of them forever.

"The waiting is killing me," Cas muttered and Dean laughed.

"Yeah, same." He reached up with his free hand and ran his fingers through Cas' hair. It was weird to imagine he was doing those things inside his head. Hell, he didn't even know if he was actually thinking or what was going on. It didn't matter though; he could trip out on it later if he survived whatever the hell happened to him.

"Wanna do something?" Cas asked and looked up, Dean just shrugged.

"Like what?"

"I dunno... lemme think."

"How about 'I spy?'" Dean smirked and looked down at Cas' thoughtful expression, "I spy with my little eye-"

"Shut up, I hate that game." Cas snickered and covered Dean's mouth. "I wanna try something, when I was younger I read somewhere that there's a list of questions you need to ask your partner. Then once you both answer them you stare at each other for like four minutes."

"Okay… and then what?"

"And apparently that's all you need to fall in love with someone." Cas nestled his head back down, "I just so happened to have memorized a few of them."

Dean hummed in response and ran his fingers through Cas' hair again, "Yeah? Don't we need all of them?"

"I dunno," Cas shrugged and glanced up again, "But I think it'd be a fun way to pass the time."

"Sure," he laughed, he didn't see any reason not to. Cas was just as scared as he was; the least he could do was humour his boyfriend for a little while.

"Okay, so if you were given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest?"

"Do they have to be alive?" Dean knew his question was probably obvious; anyone in the world meant anyone on Earth at the time. But he had to ask anyway.

"For the sake of my curiosity, no." Cas answered gently, Dean could feel the subtle way Cas tensed at the thought.

"Then I think I'd want to have dinner with my mom,"

"Awww! Yours is so sweet and sentimental! Mine's a celebrity, now I feel stupid."

"C'mon you started this," Dean teased, "Who would you pick?"

"Chris Hemsworth."

"Friggin' fanboy," Dean grinned when Cas elbowed his side, "Should I be jealous?"

"No," Castiel laughed and lightly pat the part he'd hit. "It's shallow, no need to worry."

"If you say so."

"I do. Next question I remember; share an embarrassing story with your partner."

"You first."

Cas started to protest but stopped himself, "Alright, sure. I'd say my most embarrassing story would be…" as he paused to think Dean laughed again.

"Too many to pick from?"

"Shut up, I'm deciding the _most_ embarrassing one!" Cas replied dramatically but without any venom in his voice. Dean was very appreciative of Cas' upbeat attitude considering their situation. He also knew that asking questions of one another wasn't the same at that moment as it would've been if Dean was talking to Cas while they were both awake. One part of Cas remembered past events and could actually share old stories while the other was completely oblivious to them. Every opportunity to learn something new about Castiel Novak was an opportunity Dean wouldn't dare miss.

"Okay yeah I got it; so I was in like grade 8 or something and I had a huge crush on this one guy. I didn't talk to him much though, partly because I was a little shy at the time, but mostly it was 'cause I wasn't out of the closet yet. Anyway one day he sat with me at lunch, other spots were full in the cafeteria and his friend wasn't in school that day. We talked for bit and I got really excited, so much that by the time our lunch break was over I was hard as hell."

"Oooooo…" Dean cringed and looked down sympathetically at Cas, "I think I know where this story's going."

"Yeah, I refused to get up and he was waiting for me. I wanted him to leave but I couldn't possibly be rude to my crush so we sat there until a teacher came to get us. Long story short I was dragged up out of my chair and everyone in the room got to see my boner." Cas chuckled and shook his head, "Oh god… It was horrible. I couldn't ever talk to him again after that."

"That's pretty bad," Dean agreed, "But I've got one better. So Jet and I liked to dare each other to do shit and we gave some incentive when it was something really intense. One summer, when we were 17 and bored out of our minds, he said he had 50 bucks if I wanted to earn it-"

"Please tell me he was your first gay crush," Cas popped up smiling like a dork and Dean shoved him back down.

"No, he wasn't."

"Ohhh that tone! He so was!"

"Shut up, let me tell my story."

"That's so cute!"

Dean rolled his eyes, "Anyway, your weird delusions aside, I was short some cash so I said yes before knowing what it was. He dared me to go streaking around the neighbourhood, I was feeling brave so I said sure and stripped down. I ran around to one side of the neighbourhood, it was late and no one saw me so I was pretty confident. I decided to cut through our neighbour's yard on the way back so I jumped the fence in their backyard. Turned out they had an alarm system that went off and scared the shit out of me. I panicked, got my foot caught in something and fell. The police showed up as well as half the neighbourhood."

"That's rough." Cas said with a laugh, "Did Jet give you the money?"

"He did, yeah. Said I totally earned it and never let me live it down." He glanced down at the amused grin on Cas' face, "Don't you bring it up with him, either. I think he finally forgot."

"No promises."

"Of course not," Dean sighed and lay back again, "Okay, so next question?"

"Say something that you already like about your partner."

Dean paused, what could he possibly say? There were so many things. He could go on about how gorgeous he thought Cas was, all the surface things that anyone else could see. But that didn't feel right, it had to be something far more meaningful.

"Your silence tells me I should go first, so one of the first things I know I liked about you was your smell."

Dean smiled; of course it was his smell. That was the first thing that Cas knew about him. And then it dawned on him, had Cas liked him immediately from when they first met? He had to ask, "Wait, wasn't that was the first thing you knew about me?"

"Yeah."

"And that was the first thing you liked?" He reiterated, "Like, you literally liked me right away?"

"Hard to say," Cas sighed, his tone very light-hearted. Dean had noticed the vocal differences between Castiel in his dreams and the one he saw while awake. He figured it had something to do with confidence; the Cas in his mind seemed to know a lot of things and could successfully feign boldness. Whether he was faking right then or not Dean wasn't sure.

"I guess you wouldn't really remember, huh?"

"I do remember," Cas looked at him with a smirk, "I'm the part of my brain that remembers, but I don't know if I liked you because of your smell or if I liked your smell because it was something new. To be honest I was a little scared of you at first, but you said my name in a way I hadn't heard it in a long time."

"That's fair," Dean could feel a swell of regret pulling at him the more he heard Castiel speak. He could see a future for the two of them, he could see the moments they'd share and knew that his life would be amazing with Cas. But the more he saw it the heavier it became, it was all shit that might never happen. The two of them could just as easily die there together, which was why they were playing 20 questions in the first place. But every new detail he learned about Castiel was a new reason he wanted to live.

One moment he was accepting of his fate and the next he wanted to fight it. Dean didn't know the right answer; he didn't know what the hell he should do or if he even had a say in it.

"Are you okay, Dean?" Cas had sat up and was leaning over him, a worried look to make Dean feel a little bad for remaining silent so long.

"I want to say yes so you could relax," he admitted honestly, "But I don't know if I can lie to you right now."

"Then don't."

Dean didn't know what to say to Cas, or how to approach anything that was happening anymore. So instead he decided to just start talking without thinking, hoping maybe he'd come across the right words. "Something I already like about you… there are so many things I don't know what to pick from. You're beautiful but there's so much more to you than that. You're the strongest person I've ever met and I feel inspired when I think about how far you've come."

Cas didn't say a word, he just watched Dean as the words flowed and sorted themselves out. Dean couldn't look at Cas' face while he talked; it was a little too much for him to handle at that moment.

"You've survived something horrendous, people have hurt you and yet you're still here with me. You've given me so much of yourself, you trusted me despite everything that's happened. You still smile and laugh even though you're scared about what might happen in the future. You don't remember so much of the world but you're learning it all again. You trip and fall but you've gotten up every single time, and I don't know where you get that kind of courage. I admire you and I respect you," he sat up knowing he couldn't say all of those things without looking at Cas, despite how much he really wanted to just ramble and then hide.

Castiel's expression was difficult to read, complicated and overwhelmed were the two best descriptions Dean had for it. "Do you really mean that?" He asked soft and Dean could only nod for a few seconds.

"I love you, Cas."

Cas didn't respond, he just moved forward and into Dean's lap. Their lips locked and arms wrapped around one another, Dean didn't ever want to move from there. Cas stayed with him even after breaking off the kiss, nuzzling his cheek and hugging him close.

"I love you too, Dean."

"Your game worked," Dean smirked and that smile only widened as he felt Cas laughing.

"Shut up, we only did two questions." Cas giggled and gave him another quick kiss. "Goon."

Dean just smiled as he looked at Cas. Yeah he was afraid of what was going to happen to the both of them, but he knew that even if he died he'd be with Castiel. And at the same time Castiel would still live, he'd just never remember the things he'd disconnected from. It was as win-win as Dean could imagine a worst-case scenario could be.

Just as he was settling into what could be a long or short wait, Dean noticed an odd shimmer in the sky above them. Or, at least what he decided was the sky anyway.

"I went to sleep," Cas looked up but he didn't sound pleased.

"So… you're leaving now?"

Cas frowned and his brow creased as he slowly stood up. "Yeah… I mean I could…"

Dean stood up too and put his hand on Cas' shoulder, "It's okay, you can go."

Cas looked at him sadly, "I wanted you to be there to help me, but I got you hurt instead. I can't just leave you here alone."

"Hey," Dean raised an eyebrow and put on his best brave face, "You promised you'd jump ship as soon as you were sleeping again. So get going."

Cas stared at him silently for a few seconds, Dean could see there were thousands of thoughts flying around in Cas' head at once and he tried to silence them with another kiss.

"I'll be fine."

"You better be," Cas put on a brave face of his own; it wasn't as convincing as it had been before but it did enough. "You'd better wake up soon."

"I'll work on it."

Dean watched Castiel disappear and it really sunk in that he was alone. But he wasn't going to sit and cry about that because something far more important was happening. Castiel was going to go through a horrible flashback, he'd remember everything that went wrong and everything that hurt him and Dean couldn't be asleep for that. He took a deep breath and looked around, there wasn't anything in front of him but he picked a direction and started running.

He was going to wake up, and goddamn it he'd be there for Cas.


	75. Chapter 75

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay guys, this chapter is a bit like a fever dream. It's going to be a bit confusing but I hope it works. First time I've tried something like this so I hope you all can still enjoy it. I had a lot of fun messing with the order of things :D

 

Cas had been sitting at Dean's bedside, holding his hand and not moving for a few hours. The others, Bobby, Sam, Charlie, Desirae, Michael and Garth had peeked in each taking their own amount of time to look at Dean's unconscious body. Bobby and Sam stayed the longest; Sam took his brother's other hand for a little while but ultimately moved back to Jet's room. Cas assumed it was to tell Jet how Dean was doing, though he knew that Jet was sleeping too.

Bobby took the other chair once Sam left and waited with Cas, nothing needed to be said but Cas was glad that Bobby was there all the same.

It wasn't for at least half an hour of them being alone that Bobby said anything, "You should sleep, Cas."

Cas just laughed at the notion, "I wish it was that easy."

"You're with him now, just sleep."

It sounded like a good idea, Cas hadn't tried to sleep in several hours and his eyes were getting pretty tired. He could only stare at Dean unmoving for so long before it started to weigh down on him. So he moved his chair forward and leaned forward onto the hospital bed, he didn't want to put any pressure on Dean otherwise he would've crawled in with him.

Cas held tightly to Dean's hand and waited, his eyes closed and his ears picking up every noise that Dean could possibly make. It was mostly the respirator that made noise, but Cas could tell Dean's breathing did sound a little stronger than it was when he'd had first walked in. He smiled; slightly reassured he thought it safe to nod off for a little while.

Relaxed for the first time that day, he felt a small bit of pressure in his head. It was subtle but he thought nothing of it, possibly a headache or something like that. But it pulsed again, a deeper pressure under his skull and fluctuating in a pattern. Cas groaned and sat upright again, tearing away from sleep just as it had settled.

"Cas?" Bobby's voice melted in his ears and Cas lost track of what sound was coming from where. His head was hurting and his heart rate increased dramatically, the heavy pounding in his chest was the only thing he could hear at all.

Castiel cried out, his voice drowned and was entirely lost to him. _"DEAN!"_ He screamed, he knew he screamed but he couldn't hear it.

Hands were on him and his vision went white. There were so many hands on him, gloved and strong, white coats and bright lights. He struggled and tried to smack them aside with his wings, but they weren't there.

Cas couldn't breathe right, his head was dizzy and everything was aching. He was scared. Terrified about what was happening and what he was seeing. He could hear MacLeod's voice, there were many sentences piling on top of the next and it became as loud as a roaring crowd. Castiel screamed again, "Michael! Michael help me!" He remembered crying out for his big brother the first time and nothing had happened. But he was there now, Michael was in the same building as him and maybe he'd hear it this time.

His arms hurt; he struggled against restraints and heard the very real sound of a medical saw. His heart nearly stopped as the saw came closer; it buzzed loudly and echoed until he couldn't hear anything again.

His body felt weird, a nauseous and alert mind mixed with a sluggish body that barely reacted. Lethargic and terrified he couldn't do anything at all. It was like sleep paralysis but nothing he was seeing made sense, he was sure it was all past events. All he knew was that the world was spinning and he wanted to throw up. He could feel the changes, his mind shifted and twisted and terror filled every crevice.

" _Castiel's coming a long way, he's responding very well to the tests and it looks like he's the most receptive host we've found."_

" _Good, get him ready for some more intensive procedures then."_

" _He should take some time to recover before we-"_

" _Just do what I say, I don't pay you to question me."_

Cas tried to focus on the people speaking, he knew one of them was MacLeod; the other didn't ring any bells. He couldn't see, it was dark and his head wasn't listening to the commands of his brain.

Tears streamed down his face as his head felt like it was splitting down the middle and fracturing at every possible point. He screamed again, the sound pierced his own ears and he felt even more disoriented than before.

"DEAN!" He cried violently, feeling like he'd torn something in his throat as he repeatedly shrieked the same things. "HELP ME!"

Cas lurched forward as his back started to ache, a burning, searing feeling split his skin and all he could do was grit his teeth. His wings were there; they were unbalanced and wretched and burned him where they connected. He grabbed onto one and pulled, he had to get it off, he needed to stop the pain it was causing.

His arms were pinned again and he couldn't move, rolling around in the dirt floor of a cage. No one was there, no one to speak to him. The world flashed by fast, he could see little things here and there as his back started to heal. But his head never lost any pressure, he could taste blood and felt something tickle his ears and under his nose.

" _Castiel! It's great to see you, here to do my yard work again?"_

"Yessir." He said in a voice he barely remembered, but somehow he still remembered it. Standing on top of a strange building he found himself staring down at the ground below. Where was he? MacLeod's townhouse? Cas' heart stuttered and he tried to run but his legs wouldn't move.

" _Just clean those gutters first, then you can come down."_

"But… I'd feel a lot better if you put the ladder back up, Mr. MacLeod." His stomach turned and he wanted to throw up. The world around him was empty despite hearing words spoken; where there should've been people he saw clothing floating in their place sometimes and others nothing at all. There were ghostly figures, transparent waves in the air that moved but he couldn't make out who was who.

"I want to go home." He said firmly though scared, and all he heard laughter.

"Let me go home, please." More timidly he spoke and the laughter got louder. Everything went dark.

"Let me go! Please let me go! I won't say anything I promise!" He cried, tears falling from his eyes suddenly as scenes swept past him swifter than he could fully comprehend. As he tried to figure one out another two came and went without his recognition. His head hurt more than ever and he was sick to his stomach.

Hunger came over him, he was starving and lonely. He couldn't speak, his whole body hurt and he cried again.

In the same moment that he knew everything about himself, he also knew nothing about himself. He remembered knowing who he was and he remembered not knowing. He could see himself crawling out of his burrow, he could see Dean.

"DEAN!"

Nothing was the response and the world flashed blue, he couldn't see.

" _It's okay, I'm here to get you out."_

Dean. Dean was there. Cas looked up but saw an empty cage, a hazy blur where Dean should've been standing. He didn't know if he'd stopped crying and hadn't noticed, or if it just continued like a waterfall from his face. Regardless he cried harder, pressure growing in his sinuses and behind his eyes. Dean wasn't there.

" _Hi there, what's your name?"_

" _Well I'm Dean… Castiel?"_

Dean's words started to pile up and were swiftly drowned out like al the other things. Nothing but loud noises filled his ears then and Cas found himself unable to move. He could see the world moving around him, he could tell that things were changing as if it were all in fast motion but he wasn't changing at all. He was stuck, stagnant and everything moved on in the world without him.

" _Cas! Did you do your homework?"_

" _Castiel Novak you get your butt in here this instant!"_

" _Yo Cas! How's it going man?"_

" _You wouldn't believe who's number I just got!"_

He listened to the voices of people he knew, people he cared for at one point in time and people that cared about him. Only a select few had seen him again after he disappeared. Other voices were mixed in that he barely knew, voices that were almost lost in white noise.

" _It's 2am, brush your damn teeth and go to bed already!"_

" _Castiel's DNA holds up well, I think it's alright to push forward with the next experiment."_

" _Cas, it's okay."_

"Dee…"

" _Cas? Cas, is that you?"_

" _Oh my god…. Castiel?"_

" _Different doesn't mean bad, Cas. Everything that happens to you is just a new situation you'll eventually learn to live with regardless."_

Cas felt every part of his body move without his permission, he was taken to different rooms and played like a puppet in different situations. His eyes hurt from crying and his lungs ached from trying to breathe. His voice was lost to him after screaming too loud and too long. No one answered him; he just heard their voices in other parts of his life.

Was he in a nightmare? He had enough peace of mind to ask himself as he felt a low rumble beneath him. The world was crashing, slamming into itself and imploding and he got the chance to try and understand what was happening to him.

Part of him knew, deep down he knew what it was because he remembered. He could see Dean surrounded by nothing, they were lying together and talking.

He was swept away again, a loud beeping sound like a hospital machine echoed in his ears like a gong. He flinched every time it sounded, bashing his eardrums over and over again. Every sound was crisp, clear, and painful. His ears were never meant to hear this way, they were sore and he had a headache.

He wanted to say he had a headache but nothing came out, at least no words did. A whine escaped him and a few chittering noises he knew were supposed to form a sentence.

For the first time he saw his own reflection, it was warped in some kind of steel bowl left next to the operating table. Blood smeared parts of the surface and left his face reddened. Cas slowly blinked, time finally slowed and he stared at his own face for an eternity.

"Is that me?" he asked himself but it didn't come out in words. Nothing he said anymore did. "What am I? What happened?"

The face stared back and blinked out of sync with him, then it hissed and he realized he was upright in a completely different room. That thing crawling on the floor looked like him, mostly. Its body was weak and it looked sick, eyes sunken and lips cracked.

Was that what he looked like too?

Its face changed slightly, body shifting under the skin as it circled him. He screeched back at it, watching it change over and over again. It had claws then it had wings, multiple arms or legs, double heads, two mouths. It mutated right in front of him and each time it shifted there was a flash of blood in the room and his mouth tasted more and more like copper. Soon he found himself hacking and spitting up nothing but red.

Castiel punched the glass in the testing room and watched it crack, he could see the twisted snarl on his own face and he could hear MacLeod talking. Always talking. Something stupid, mundane, annoying and despicable. It dried out his mouth again.

He was thirsty, lying and staring at the glass case surrounding his enclosure. It was flying by again, lights flickering on and off and silhouettes of bodies passing by like vapour.

" _It's okay, Cas."_

" _I'm sorry, Cas."_

" _You okay, Cas?"_

" _What's wrong?"_

" _What happened?"_

" _Where are you?"_

"Is it okay? Why are you sorry? I don't know. Nothing. Everything. I don't know." He heard each question in such a rapid succession they blurred together and so did his answers. He waited in silence, the lights left on and nothing moved around him. He couldn't hear anything at all, like a vacuum surrounded his head.

" _I love you, Cas."_

"I love you too, Dean."

Cas whispered to himself over and over, nothing that made any sense anymore but it gave him some comfort. Just little noises to remind himself that he was there, that he was alive.

Everything hurt again, in waves it came and went like memories passing by and colliding in a traffic jam. He got stuck on a few but suddenly broke free to crash into the next. He was lost in his own life, watching it fly past him and fall into place on its own.

The whirlwind of thoughts slowed down and he found himself drifting along between scenes in his life. He watched his parents argue and took Michael's hand to allow himself to be saved, pulled into a new life. Charlie was there with him, worried but smiling. He held onto her too but both of them were torn away from him. He was dragged down and hit a cold, metal floor in a familiar corridor.

" _Watch the hostility, the caged person is still with him and doesn't like it when you're rough with Dean."_

" _You brought the possible killing machine with you, why am I not surprised."_

Cas moaned quietly and held onto his head, each little sound fading as soon as he heard it like a strange echo. His headache wasn't trying to tear his brain in half anymore but it was still pounding heavily enough for him to want the rest of the world to shut up.

" _He's cute, kinda reminds me of a 2-year-old."_

" _Jet, he's not a kid he's a grown man. Don't infantilize him."_

" _Well he's either acting like a kid or a dog, take your pick."_

Sam and Jet… those two were always arguing. Cas smiled to himself, at least they were together, they were okay.

" _It's safe, Cas."_

Dean had told him that the first time he climbed out of the basement. It was the first time he'd seen sunlight in the hallway or a rug in ages. He was so out of it he didn't recognize anything, he couldn't make the connection but now he could see it for what it was. He could see himself stumbling around in confusion with no way to find his understanding. It had been scary but he didn't fully understand just how scary it was. How could he? He couldn't see the whole picture, but people around him did.

Dean had been there every step of the way. Dean helped him when he scared himself with items he didn't understand. Dean fed him when he was hungry and gave him water when he was thirsty. Dean saved him from that cage and became so much more to him than Cas ever imagined. Dean was his boyfriend and the love of his life, as far as Cas was concerned. He'd never go anywhere without Dean Winchester again.

Sam's introduction wasn't nearly as smooth, but Cas had warmed up to him because Sam was one of the sweetest people he'd ever met. Constantly looking out for what was best, not just in the moment but also in the long run. He saw Cas as a human struggling with his humanity and tried to help. Sam was his brother and a friend, they were family now and Cas loved that connection.

Jet was an antihero most of the time, either lying or stating the bluntest truth he could think of. He grew on Cas well enough; he had a certain level of respect Cas hadn't expected from him. Jet was protective of the Winchesters and Cas could definitely get behind that. If it weren't for Jet working with MacLeod too Cas never would have met them, he wouldn't have survived at all.

Charlie had been his best friend throughout his school life and he was hers. She gave up everything she had when he lost his, she was at his side in spirit the whole time and he'd never give her up for anything. She tried the hardest to find him, gave it all of her energy and more even after she'd found him. Because Charlie was there to rescue Castiel and she knew the job wasn't finished yet. He missed her, she was right in front of him and he would still miss her because he wouldn't remember.

Michael was his big brother, Cas owed him a lot but he'd been too scared to remember that either. He didn't want to connect to Michael because there was too much history to drag up. Cas could see him now and his chest ached. Disappearing the way he did must have been painful, especially for someone who poured all their effort into him. Michael was a silent visitor while Cas was disconnected and now Castiel could see the kind of agony it must have been. He needed to apologize.

He respected Bobby, their first meeting wasn't anything particularly special but he could tell the bond Bobby had with Dean. It was something he wanted too, and in truth he would've loved to have Bobby as a father figure. It was still possible, if he could just gather himself back together.

Cas lifted his head again; Dean and the others were waiting for him. He felt heavier than he was before, he felt the weight of what had happened and knew he'd have to deal with the shadows it had made in his head. Nothing would be easy, nothing ever was. But if he had his family with him then he knew he'd be able to do something semi-normal with his life.

Castiel gathered himself, all the tangled pieces and climbed to his feet. Each part of the puppet seemed completely twisted up, all the strings hanging together at once. But as he rose they slipped free and fell to their functional position. Castiel was his own puppeteer; he had all his segments together and ready to move.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So now that you've read the chapter I need some input. I'm looking into ending this thing and I think that chapter 76 will be the last of the 'climax' chapters. After that it'll do the descent back down the story slope and I'll give them the 'happily ever after' ending they deserve. What I'm saying is I need a serious critique, I think. If there are things that aren't cleared up yet that you guys think I missed or if you see a definitive second climactic arc (that beats crazy clones, Jet losing an arm, poisoned Dean, and Cas putting himself back together) please let me know. Don't be shy, I would really welcome some feedback on this.
> 
> Thanks guys!


	76. Chapter 76

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so I waited and gathered feedback from all over and put it together in a post on my zafiction tumblr account. If you guys feel like checking out what I have planned for the ending and leftover loose threads you can check it out there :D  
> http://zafiction.tumblr.com/post/142960908056/experimental-work-and-plans
> 
> As for this chapter, I hope you enjoy it!

Charlie and Michael had decided to take a little walk out of the hospital. It was late, they'd gotten all kinds of excitement and they were both exhausted. Yet neither could find it in them to complain, after all they weren't the ones sitting in those hospital beds. She glanced over Michael, his eyes were dim in the lamp light above them.

"It's crazy," she said to break the silence that had surrounded them for over an hour. "I never thought this is where I'd be after I found Cas."

"I didn't think anyone would find him," Michael tilted his head and looked at the sky above them, "Cas was such a free spirit, you know?"

"He still is."

"I know… what I mean is I always thought so." He sighed and ran his hand through his hair, tucking longer strands behind his ears. He needed a haircut but no one but Charlie would really know that. "I knew pretty early that our parents were shitty. I just lived with it, planned to take off when I was old enough. Time has a way of wearing you out though."

Charlie just looked at Michael and offered him a reassuring smile, she had known Cas for a long time and Michael was always sort of there. However she hadn't spent time with him, their interactions were usually about Cas. It got to be a little more frequent after Cas disappeared, she asked Michael a lot of questions and wound up going to him whenever she had a lead at the start of it all. She wasn't even sure what her relationship with Michael really was.

"It was hammered home that Castiel was important, my parents' last hope to do parenting right and shit like that. I was told to give him everything I could spare and I did it, not because they told me to but because I wanted to. I guess maybe they did get to me." Michael sat down on a street-side bench and dropped back against it. "I used to picture Cas as an angel in disguise, like he was watching humanity, keeping an eye on us. It helped me make it through taking him away from our family and raising him on my own. And when he disappeared I wanted to believe he just went home."

"The truth wasn't nearly as sweet as that," she sat down too and looked up at the stars with him. "But Cas is home now, even if he's not in one piece he's still alright."

"Yeah," Michael smiled tiredly and lowered his head into his hands, "I just wish I could've done something for him."

"Maybe the angel in him went home." Charlie wanted to make him feel better but she knew the pain he was in. "But you know something? He doesn't remember me either."

"No, but he doesn't actively avoid you." Michael glanced at her, "I know what you're trying to say; 'I should just make new memories with him. It's not all over, he's still here so there's still time.' But I don't think it's possible for me…"

"What are you saying, you're just gonna leave him?"

"Of course not," he laughed bitterly, "I'd never leave him, but the memories we'd make won't be the same. He's my brother, our connection isn't something I can create from thin air."

Charlie didn't really have a response for that. She knew that Michael had sacrificed a lot for Cas and of course Castiel used to know that too. It played out in their relationship in a sort of gratitude that she didn't think could be recreated. Not in the same way. "I know what you're saying, but you didn't do those things for him because you wanted him to be grateful to you."

"No," he shook his head, "I'd do it all again if I had it in me, even if he never saw me do it. But it hurts." Tears slipped from his eyes, she saw he was hanging onto his phone. It had become a habit of his, whenever he was sad he'd sit with his phone and listen to Cas' old videos. The voicemail recording was long gone, but it didn't stop Michael from finding solace in just holding the cell. "It hurts to know he'll never remember. That doesn't mean I don't love him and it doesn't mean I'll ever give up on him, but I can't just pretend I'm totally fine all the time. I will when he sees me because it hurts him to see me like this, but that's all the energy I can manage right now."

Charlie nodded and took a slow breath, exhaling lightly and watching bugs flutter around the street light. "I was there too." She admitted quietly after a long silence. "I couldn't believe that Cas was so different, and more than that I couldn't believe he didn't remember me. When I saw him he wasn't talking much, he could say a few words but that was it."

"So different from when he used to just sit and sing," Michael laughed a little, a lighter tone to it. "Drove me nuts sometimes."

"He wouldn't shut up," Charlie snickered too, "I remember he'd hum to calm his nerves during exams, a lot of people hated that."

They both laughed about a few Cas traits they remembered and drifted back into silence.

"Think he'll sing again?" Michael asked as he furrowed his brow, Charlie couldn't imagine all the things he was thinking about in that one moment.

"Maybe, he seems to love music still so I can imagine it'll hit him again like a brick."

Their moment was interrupted when Charlie's phone rang. "It's Sam… Hello?"

" _Charlie, where are you? Cas is freaking out, I could really use some help here."_

She felt her stomach drop as she stood up, "You serious? What kind of freaking out?" she motioned to Michael to follow as she started running back down the block they'd wandered around. "I'm just outside, I'll be in there soon."

" _He just started screaming for help and now it's all gibberish. The staff's trying to restrain him and give him a sedative but we can't get him down."_

"We're coming," she put the phone away and booked it as fast as she could go, Michael was right on her heels.

It was the twilight hours, just past 2 and the streets were quiet. That was how most places at that time were but not the hospital. When they got inside she could hear him, Castiel wasn't holding back and the sound pierced her ears like nothing she'd ever encountered. He was frantic, she could hear it in his tone despite the pitch.

"What happened to him?" Michael asked as they ran into the room Dean was kept in. Castiel had gone from Dean's bedside to across the room, things were a mess and Dean's bed was skewed to the side. His body was untouched though, just as he'd been last time anyone saw him.

"He fell asleep and started screaming," Bobby explained as calmly as he could, trying to hold down just one of Cas' wings. It was flailing in intervals and each time it moved so did Bobby, he seemed more a decoration than an actual anchor.

Charlie slipped into the fray of limbs and got behind Castiel, she wrapped her legs around his abdomen and caught his arms and head in a hold she'd learned. Cas was incredibly strong, every move was a deadly one when he didn't have control over his limbs. She couldn't even look up to see how many people had been knocked out, Sam was on Cas' other wing and there were many other people in the room. Luckily Dean was the only patient.

At first she thought Cas was still asleep but she wasn't sure when she saw his eyes open and drowned the room in blue light. He shrieked again and suddenly all she could hear was an insane ringing and given an instant headache.

" _Michael! Michael help me!"_ It was sharp and terrified but clear enough, Cas was repeating things and it was heartbreaking to listen to. Charlie would've preferred hearing him just make noises.

Michael reached out and tried to help and hold Cas' arm, "I'm here," he sounded just as broken as Cas did. "I'm right here Cas,"

" _DEAN! HELP ME!"_

It hurt to hear him scream that way, more than just the ears or the headache but deep in her chest. Charlie grit her teeth and held on, trying to stop Castiel from being able to move at all. She was impeding his ability but it wasn't doing enough, he still shrieked and thrashed around, nearly breaking free with every sudden jerking motion. He grabbed onto a wing and violently tried to tear it off, Sam was thrown into the wall and Michael jumped onto Cas' arm to try and stop it. Charlie got a better hold to help, it was enough to pull his arm into an awkward enough position that grabbing a wing was impossible.

"You okay, Sam?" Bobby called worried and Sam groaned in response.

"Yeah, I'm good." He jumped back onto Cas' wing and tried to find a way to pin it down better. They really were at Cas' mercy though.

"Yessir."

Cas' voice was suddenly calm and strange despite his frantic and desperate body movement. His expression was still twisted in pain and eyes wide in horror, but he was speaking normally as if he were somewhere completely different. Charlie felt a chill run down her spine but she didn't dare let go.

"But… I'd feel a lot better if you put the ladder back up, Mr. MacLeod."

"Cas?" Michael asked timidly and looked at his brother's face. Charlie could see Michael's expression was a mix of concern and fear. None of them knew what to do or say, Cas was still struggling against them though a lot more calmly now. She could see it like an eye of the storm and braced herself.

"I want to go home." Stern but calm, his tone seemed to seep into his limbs and he held still for a few seconds. The staff that was holding down his legs sighed in relief, Garth was helping them but he didn't fall for it. His eyes were on Charlie and she was sure her expression gave away her thoughts.

"Let me go home, please." He was softer now, his body trembling and tears forming in his eyes again.

"Let me go! Please let me go! I won't say anything I promise!" Cas started to thrash again, short and sudden moves as if something else had him strapped down. Charlie took a shaky breath and looked up at the others, they all had the same understanding that it wasn't over just yet.

Cas shook his head and tried to ram it backward, hitting Charlie in the stomach. She held her ground, silently glad that he couldn't smash his head against the floor. He floundered and tried a few more times, it hurt like a bitch but Charlie didn't let go, she just cradled his head and waited it out.

"DEAN!"

There was an increase in the background beeping noises of Dean's machine and breathy groan. "Cas?"

Sam looked up, "Dean?"

Cas cried out and his tears fell faster, painful sobs wracking his chest, "Dee…" he choked out and struggled to inhale.

Charlie wasn't expecting Dean to walk over, dragging the respirator and all the other attachments with him. His breathing was strained and ragged but he was there, kneeling next to Cas and touching a dampened cheek.

"It's okay, Cas." Dean wheezed, tears of his own falling. "It's okay, I'm right here."

"Dean, you shouldn't be this close," Sam warned, fear in his voice as he watched his very weak brother linger next to someone so unpredictable.

Cas whined and made similar noises he had when he wasn't speaking, he rubbed his cheek against Dean's hand and rested it there. His body went limp then, just a quickened heart and breathing rate.

"Dean," Sam sighed and cautiously moved away from Cas' wing, "How are you feeling?"

"I've been better," Dean answered tiredly, slowly settling on the floor next to Castiel.

Charlie slowly let go and slipped out from under Cas; she went to help Bobby up next. "That was a heck of a ride."

"I think he's done now," Bobby grumbled as he climbed back to his feet.

"So… mind telling me why we're holding him down like that? He could've broken something," Michael asked as he carefully let go of Cas' arm.

"Well normally you'd be right," Sam was the first to answer, "except Cas was trying to hurt himself, I'm sure you noticed him trying to tear off his own wing."

"Oh… yeah…"

Dean glanced at them, he was taking in what they were saying and watching Cas' far more subtle expressions pass by. "It's okay," he repeated and brushed his fingers through Cas' hair, "You'll be okay."

"You sound like you know what's going on." Sam had moved to Dean's side, his worrying over his brother hadn't stopped but he was able to function with it.

"I do," Dean wasn't speaking as strongly as he normally did, it was so weird to hear him that way. "Part of Cas remembered everything,"

"You should be in bed," one of the nurses said gently.

"I'm not leaving Cas on the floor."

"We'll put him in one next to you, just lie down."

Charlie moved to help Dean stand up again, the others lifted Castiel. It only took a few moments to get the two settled next to each other, Charlie felt a pang in her chest just looking at them.

"Cas separated the part of him that remembered, I told him to connect them next time he went to sleep." Dean explained, taking every few words to breathe. It was really hard to listen to, Charlie almost wanted to walk out.

"So that's what he's doing?" Sam looked at Cas, "Does that mean he'll remember everything?"

"Everything," Dean sighed and closed his eyes, his hand reached over to the other mattress to hold Cas' hand. "Trauma and all."

Charlie looked over at Michael who she knew held the same look she had, hesitant hope that they'd get to regain an old connection to Castiel. It was great news, but it was just as bad as it was good. She wasn't sure she was willing to gain Cas remembering her if it meant he had to destroy himself. "What shape will he be in?" She heard herself asking before she could wrangle her thoughts into one place.

"No idea." Dean shrugged, the movement interrupted by Sam hugging him. Dean coughed a little but raised his other arm and dropped it onto Sam as best he could. "Sammy, I'm alright."

"I thought you were gonna die," Sam muttered, Charlie barely heard it. She nudged Michael and Garth and motioned toward the door. Cas wasn't going to wake up for a while and it looked like the Winchesters needed some privacy.


	77. Chapter 77

“I'm alright,” Dean told Sam but let his brother hang onto him anyway. He hadn't been entirely sure he was going to wake up either; it was nice to be conscious though. And bonus, he made it in time to help Castiel.  
  
The bad news was that his lungs hurt like a bitch, in fact his whole esophagus felt like he'd run sandpaper down it until it bled, and then kept going. He swallowed and winced at the feeling, he breathed and winced again. Nothing was going to be any fun for a while.  
  
“So what'd the doc say ‘bout me?” he asked tiredly and Sam finally got off him, rubbed his own eyes and smiled, relieved.  
  
“Well mostly we heard that you were stable that was about it.”  
  
Bobby furrowed his brow and looked at Sam, “And they were worried about your lungs.” He added as if he were making a point, Dean was sure he knew what it was about. Sam didn't want to worry him but Bobby wanted him to know the full extent of what was going on. That way he wouldn't be caught off guard by something shitty happening; Dean wasn't sure which approach he liked better.  
  
“Worried about my lungs, huh?” he rasped and laughed a little, the vibration hurt him but he tried not to let it show. “I'm sure I'll be fit as a fiddle.”  
  
“Yeah,” Sam agreed, just as willing to jump on the ‘getting my hopes up' bandwagon.  
  
Dean looked at the two of them, Bobby was tired as hell and Sam was trying very hard not to appear the same way. But they were both happy to see him; it made him wonder how long he'd been out for. If he'd been unconscious for a long time then why were just Sam and Bobby standing above him? Jet should've been better by then, right? “Where's Jet?” he asked worriedly, part of him not wanting to hear the answer just in case it was what he was afraid of.  
  
“He's in another room,” Sam gestured toward the door, “I'm working on moving you guys to the same one, though now I'll have to include Cas in that.”  
  
“He's resting,” Bobby nodded, a comforting look on his face.  
  
Dean felt like a weight lifted off his chest, “Thank god… How's he taking all this?”  
  
“You mean his arm,” Sam reiterated and Dean nodded, “Well he hasn't said much about it, actually. I've got a feeling this is leading to classic ‘Jet avoiding his issue' behaviour.”  
  
“Sounds like it already is.” He smirked; Jet's situation wasn't great but Dean couldn't help smiling at that news. And yeah, Jet wasn't going to be super happy for a while but he wasn't dead. Dean would settle for that, he could find a way to help Jet cope with the limb loss. But Sam was Jet's boyfriend, it wasn't just Jet who would be dealing with the situation.  
  
“How're you taking it?” He had to ask.  
  
Sam just laughed in astonishment, a very good sound for Dean to hear. “Are you kidding? I'm just glad he's alive.”  
  
“Same.”  
  
“Make that three of us,” Bobby chuckled as he settled into a chair, looking around at the room. “Cas really trashed this place.”  
  
“He was scared,” Sam's expression fell, “Poor Cas… I can't imagine what he's going through.”  
  
“Those nightmares he showed us must've just been bits and pieces,” Bobby agreed, “and we got to wake up from them.”  
  
“He'll be okay,” Dean wheezed, the sound of his voice even made him cringe.  
  
One of the nurses walked back in with a doctor in tow, Sam and Bobby got out of their way. Dean smiled and waved a little, “Hey doc,” the doctor's brow creased at Dean's voice and he couldn't help but laugh a bit. “Yeah, I sound like shit.”  
  
“Try not to talk too much,” the doctor instructed and Dean found himself very swiftly subjected to some medical examinations. Most of them were in the room with Cas but the doctor wanted to take a look to see what was going on with his lungs now that he was up. That wasn't going to happen next to Castiel, Dean wasn't sure what Cas would end up doing. It was all happening so fast and he was barely awake enough as it was, thinking and keeping track of everything wasn't exactly on his priority list.  
  
“We've got Cas,” Bobby reassured him, and since he trusted his family without question he didn't make a fuss about leaving the room. Dean was too tired to really pay attention to everything going on. All he knew was that it was all very uncomfortable and he wasn't a fan of hospital gowns.  
  
He heard something about a bronchoscopy but he had no idea what that meant. At least, not until after he was given sedatives and anesthetics through a vein in his arm. The doctor was explaining a procedure where they were going to take a look inside his lungs, something about a tube going down his throat. Dean didn't like medical procedures all that much and just the thought of one made him anxious, his legs were restless and he wasn't sure what to do with himself as he waited.  
  
“So… I just woke up, shouldn't we wait?” He asked as they waited for the numbing in his throat to kick in.  
  
“You've recovered faster than anticipated so it's safe to do this, don't worry about that.” The nurse explained while the doctor was out prepping. “It's best that we take advantage of your sudden recovery now so we can see what kind of damage was really done to your lungs. We may be able to treat it sooner, which means you have better odds of not having to use a respirator for the rest of your life.”  
  
Dean swallowed thickly, his throat felt weird and he was starting to feel a bit out of it. “Rest of my life?”  
  
“Well there was extensive damage,” she explained as she set up the area and equipment. Dean wasn't paying as close attention anymore. He'd done he needed to, Cas wasn't freaking out anymore and both of them were alive. He was tired and yawned, it felt completely weird with a numb throat.  
  
He couldn't remember a lot of the procedure after that, he knew that they talked to him but he wasn't paying as much attention as he should've probably been. He just found himself being wheeled back into his room, Cas was still there and they'd even moved Jet's bed so everyone could be together.  
  
Dean wanted to talk to Jet but his friend was sleeping. On top of that, Dean wasn't quite able to form sentences properly either and quickly joined the other two in their rest.  


* * *

  
  
There was light in the room and Dean swore it was sunlight directly shining onto his face. Someone was an asshole and moved him next to the window or something. He grumbled and felt a rhythmic pain pulse in his throat. It was scratchy at best and he was still wearing the oxygen mask. His mind was a lot clearer than it had been earlier, he could clearly see the room around him, it was more than just people on some untextured floor.  
  
There was the subtle beep of machines and the airy sounds his respirator made.  
  
Oh yeah, he was on a respirator. The mask wasn't just for fun. Dean swallowed instinctively, just because he knew his throat hurt so obviously had to make sure that was still the case. \  
  
Sunlight had poured into the room from the windows, their blinds pulled up and no curtains in sight. Dean blinked slowly in the surprisingly cheery looking room. Castiel's bed was right next to his, their hands were intertwined and judging by the cramp in his fingers they'd been that way all night.  
  
Cas wasn't awake though, he was still on his side, wings splayed out behind him over the other side of the bed. Dean knew Cas would be okay, he knew that Cas just needed to sort out his memories and it'd be okay. He was a little scared to see Castiel wake up though, he wasn't sure what Cas was going to be like.  
  
“Dude,” Jet's voice brought Dean right out of his own world, “You look like shit.”  
  
Dean couldn't help but smile, “Least I'm not dead,” he croaked.  
  
“Eugh, you sound worse.” Jet grimaced and made Dean laugh. “Stop laughing you idiot,” Jet said through his own laughter, it was contagious.  
  
“Can't help it,” Dean sighed, catching his breath from the short chuckle. “You're tone was just too funny.”  
  
Jet smiled and leaned back against his pillow, Dean realized that Jet had one of those beds that was controlled by the patient. Actually all three of them did, his own was already partially lifted to help his breathing. He immediately searched for the buttons to press, his remote wasn't quite in reach and he wound up sulking.  
  
“So what'd I miss?” Jet asked as he watched Dean pout at his bed.  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“Sam told me you got poisoned so I knew you were messed up. Your boyfriend is also in a hospital bed though.”  
  
“Ah,” Dean looked at Cas and smiled. “Well-“  
  
“Cas freaked out for a while and passed out, Dean said it was because he remembered everything.” Desirae chimed in; Dean should've known she'd be close to Jet.  
  
“Hey kiddo,” Dean waved at her and she waved back.  
  
“You got really messed up, huh?” She tilted her head as she asked, a Cas trait if Dean had ever seen one.  
  
“A little.” He couldn't help but grin at her in that little hoodie, “Guess it was just as easy as a sweater.”  
  
“Shut up,” Jet rolled his eyes.  
  
“Seriously, we put Cas in a big trench coat to hide his wings in town.”  
  
Jet lifted up his head again with a much different expression than Dean had anticipated. He thought Jet would be pissy at worst or playfully mad about it. But instead Jet just looked surprised, wide eyes and an innocent look that Dean hadn't seen in a long time. “So… you guys ditched the harness thing I made?”  
  
“Uh,” Dean found himself unable to figure out the right words to answer with. It almost felt like trying to explain why you took a kid's picture off the fridge.  
  
“Big sweaters hide lotsa stuff,” Desirae filled the silence without an issue, “I bet it was uncomfortable for Cas, though.”  
  
“His wings would've been restricted, but hidden I guess.” Jet's left shoulder moved a little and Dean watched the small shift in Jet's eyes as he seemed to re-realize his left hand wasn't going to do what he wanted it to.  
  
“Cas wasn't comfortable but he had fun,” Dean said before he left Jet to linger on that thought too long, “You gave him the courage to go out, you know.”  
  
“Nah,” Jet smirked and reached over to ruffle Desirae's hair, “These guys weren't ever scared to go out there, we were.”  
  
“Maybe,” Dean shrugged, “But you played a part, even if you don't think so.”  
  
“Yeah, real good job I did with that.” Jet's tone slipped back into bitterness as looked down at his left side. “I fucked up and ended up getting three of us hospitalized, I'm missing a fucking arm and you can't breathe worth a shit. And fuck if I know what happened with Cas!”  
  
“It's not your fault,” Desirae said before Dean found the breath to be able to do it, “I'm the one that ran into the basement.”  
  
“You wouldn't have been down there if I had just let you go to town like I said I would.”  
  
“Wait,” Dean tried to interrupt their argument and ‘who was more wrong' contest but neither seemed to want to hear him at that moment.  
  
“You didn't let me go because I would've outted myself, and you were right but I was mad anyway. It was dumb and I should've listened.”  
  
“If I wasn't so shitty at taking care of you it wouldn't have-“  
  
“Shut up,” Dean said as loudly as he could and tossed the first thing he could get his hands on. He wasn't thinking when he reached for something in his bed and wound up hitting Jet in the head with the little remote meant for his bed.  
  
Jet looked up at him, a bit surprised but paying attention. Desirae bit her lip and tried not to laugh but a few snickers still got out.  
  
“It happened, get over it,” Dean frowned at his friend who just seemed to sink down into his sheets.  
  
“If you weren't breathing at me like Darth Vader right now I'd bitch you out for that comment.” Jet muttered and Dean knew why.  
  
“Jet, we'll help you with your arm,” He knew that it would set Jet off a little, he could see anger boiling under Jet's surface but it didn't come out.  
  
“My arm's gone, there isn't anything you can do to help.”  
  
Dean sighed and rubbed at his temple, “There's more to helping you than getting your arm back. We'll get through this, alright?”  
  
Jet looked up at him and at the equipment Dean had around. “Alright,” he agreed after a few seconds that dragged on forever. “It's not gonna be easy, man.”  
  
“For any of us,” Dean nodded and turned to face Cas again. “He's gonna have a lot to deal with.”  
  
“Are you sure you should be talking?” Jet suddenly asked and almost made Dean laugh again.  
  
“No, but I'm gonna do it anyway.”  
  
“I probably would too.”  
  
Desirae hopped over to Dean and climbed up beside him, “So how'd you get poisoned?”  
  
“Rae don't ask too many questions, he shouldn't be talking.” Jet instructed but she stuck her tongue out at him, he returned the gesture.  
  
“It's cool,” Dean waved Jet off before looking back at Desirae, “I was taking care of a clone in one of those cells and it surprised me.”  
  
“Did it spit poison or was it like a gas?” She wiggled her fingers as if that indicated a gassy substance.  
  
“A bit of both, it started as a gas but as it went further into my lungs it was like it hardened and burned whatever it touched.” He ran his hand down his throat slowly, he could remember the feeling but he would've loved to forget it ever happened. “Did you see Cas rescue me?”  
  
“Yeah, he flew out of the basement super fast.” She climbed up to her feet and made a serious face that Dean couldn't find anything other than adorable. “He was carrying you like this and he just –“ she leapt off the bed as if she were Cas flying, “- flew by like a rocket! It was really cool but also really scary.”  
  
“Sounds like Cas is one heck of a badass,” Jet smirked, “You're lucky he was there.”  
  
“You too,” Dean shot back with his own grin, he missed the light-hearted conversations with his buddy but there was more on his mind than just that. “But seriously man, don't beat yourself up over what happened.” He pointed over at Desirae, “You either.”  
  
“That's funny, coming from the king of blaming himself.”  
  
While Jet had a point Dean wasn't willing to continue on that conversation route, “Just listen to me, okay? There were a lot of factors that went into why we ended up where we were at that moment, no one knew it was coming and none of us can change it now that it happened. If you want to blame someone, blame the monster that started all this.”  
  
“But it's easier to blame someone currently living,” Jet was kidding around but there was some truth to his tone, Dean wasn't quite sure how much Jet believed his own words. “Alright, alright, you win, dude.” He conceded with a slight bow of his head, “No more blaming myself for this shit.”  
  
“Me too,” Desirae raised her hand, “But you gotta promise not to blame us either.”  
  
“I never did,” Dean could feel the strain of all the talking he was doing but he didn't want to worry them. His lungs hurt but they hurt whether or not he spoke so he saw no point in keeping to himself. Of course there was always the question of whether or not he'd heal properly, but he'd leave that to the official diagnosis from the doctor when it finally happened.  
  
He noticed Jet was looking at his left side, not daring to move the limb at all. “Does it still hurt?” he asked and immediately knew it was a stupid question.  
  
“A bit, but I'm still on pain meds.” Jet sighed and looked away from it. “I haven't stood up yet, just lying down feels weird already I can't imagine walking.”  
  
“You did lose a chunk of weight on that side, but I'm sure you'll get used to it.” Dean wanted to be supportive, he'd never met anyone with an amputated limb and had no idea what he was doing but he tried all the same.  
  
Jet smiled at him, it was small but still there. “Thanks,”  
  
“You're welcome,” he smiled back and looked at the wrapped end of Jet's arm, “So… you gonna put your money into a prosthetic?”  
  
“Soon as I'm allowed, doc says I have to wait for it to fully heal first.”  
  
“Can I help pick it out?” Desirae climbed back onto Jet's bed after silently inspecting Castiel for the last few moments.  
  
“Maybe,” Jet pulled her over and kissed her forehead, “If you're good.”  
  
It was then that Dean realized they were the only ones in the room and it must've been at least noon. “Where's everyone else, by the way?”  
  
“Out to get food that isn't hospital food.” Jet laughed, “Sam promised to bring me back something.”  
  
“What about me?” Dean pouted and Jet just shrugged at him.  
  
“We don't even know if you're allowed to drink water because of your throat, dude.”  
  
He sighed and leaned back, “So that's a no then…”  
  
“Pretty much,” Desirae confirmed and he laughed.  
  
“Dee?”  
  
Dean's heart jumped and he looked down at a pair of barely opened eyes. “Cas?” He couldn't believe it.  
  
“Your voice sounds bad,” Cas mumbled and slowly sat up, “But you're awake.”  
  
“Cas!” Desirae ran to the edge of Jet's bed and leapt across to Cas' with ease. She crawled up onto him and hugged tight. “You're okay!”  
  
Cas smiled gently and hugged her back, “It's good to see you too,”  
  
Dean felt his mouth go dry as every fear he'd ever had about Cas getting his memories back started to bombard him. All the ‘what if's and anxious feelings he could account for bundled into his stomach to sit there like a knot.  
  
“Hey Cas, what's up?” Jet called and waved, to which Castiel perked up and waved back. Neither were terribly enthusiastic but it was still a pleasant exchange.  
  
“How're you feeling?” Cas asked with a hint of concern edged into his tone. Jet only smirked and gestured to his missing limb.  
  
“Lighter, mostly.”  
  
“Telling jokes is a good sign,” Cas pointed out, “You're doing great so far, Jet.”  
  
Dean couldn't get over Cas' speech patterns; they were familiar but different at the same time. He was just sitting and listening as Cas chatted with Jet and Desirae, and it wasn't as though Cas was ignoring him, Cas was just caught up with a talkative pair.  
  
“So I hear you remember a bunch of shit now,” Jet commented, barely in the know but still willing to strike up conversation about it.  
  
Dean watched a small flicker in Cas' eye and a tense smile pull at his lips, he nodded once and glanced at Dean, “I do.”


	78. Chapter 78

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for my absence folks, been busy with moving at the end of this month plus a lot of new trainees at work means less time for personal projects. But I'm hoping things will get more normal after this week is all said and done.

Although something about Castiel's demeanour was heavier than it had ever been, Dean still had a small bit of hope that everything would be okay. He could see Cas understood more just by the look on his boyfriend's face, but the way Cas had said 'Dee' was his handle to hang onto.

"So," he heard himself saying and questioned what the hell he'd lead with. Castiel looked at him, curious eyes as always, Dean had Cas' full attention. A few seconds passed and his mouth was open a little bit but he couldn't think of anything to say.

Cas' eyes widened a little and he covered his mouth, "Oh shit, you probably shouldn't talk, right?"

Dean laughed a little and Cas reached to cover his mouth, except instead Cas just placed his hand gently over the respirator mask.

"Shhh, don't say anything, Dee." Cas instructed, Jet was laughing too.

"He was talking plenty before you woke up, don't worry about it." Jet explained but Cas didn't seem all that convinced about it.

"He got poisoned and his lungs stopped working, I think he shouldn't talk at all." Cas insisted and before Dean could protest another shushing noise met his ears. "You can talk later, when the doctor says it's okay,"

Dean didn't want to argue, he would have loved to talk about what Cas was going through but until that moment he'd just settle for listening to Castiel's voice. Even the tone had shifted, just slightly but Dean still noticed the change. It was less confused, less unsure. Cas knew what he was, more or less, or maybe he was just good at faking it now. Regardless, Dean knew it was something he'd have to get used to.

And it dawned on him again that Cas had known it would happen. Not allowing Dean to say 'I love you' was part of it, Cas was aware of the fact that he wouldn't be the same. There were going to be small things that'd be altered forever, Cas would be the same person in essence but his mannerisms would change. Dean was already aware of a few small details he'd have to get used to, and Cas had only just woken up moments ago.

"I think he's allowed to talk," Desirae said as she climbed onto Cas' shoulders.

"Rae, he just got up." Jet addressed it immediately, "Don't start climbing on him."

"It's okay," Cas assured them and smiled up at his fellow experimental human, "I don't mind, you can stay."

"Thank you," she made a point of saying it slowly, as if it was proof that Jet was wrong or something. Dean knew that she'd be on Jet's shoulders if she could be, but it was really nice to see that Cas was awake so her attention could be aimed that way instead.

Cas adjusted his shoulders to make sure she was comfortable and looked at Dean again, his brow creased just enough to show he was concerned, "Does it hurt?" He asked and worry was far more evident in the little crack in his voice than his expression let on.

Dean nodded with a shrug, "Not as bad as it sounds," he said with a smile, watching as Cas returned it with a saddened version of his own.

"It sounds pretty bad," Cas laughed anxiously as he spoke, his fingers curling around his sheets. "I'm sorry I couldn't keep you safe."

"It's not your job to keep me safe," he cringed a bit at the raspy tone, it wasn't as painful as it was the first time he'd woken up but it wasn't terribly fun either.

"Maybe not, but when we went downstairs that's what I said I would do." Cas sighed and pressed some buttons on his bedside remote, elevating the back so he could lean against it. His wings wriggled and he sat forward again almost right away, "Forgot I had those," he laughed and tried to move them so they'd be out of his way.

Dean felt the brush of feathers as Cas had to find the part of his brain that compartmentalized wing movement. There were some curtains that got knocked around but otherwise it was a fairly successful action. Cas folded his extra appendages appropriately and laid back again, "There," he said as he settled in, "no problem."

"Never doubted you for a second," Jet quipped, trying not to laugh at Desirae who had to hop off anyway. She sat on the side of Cas' bed instead and swung her legs off the edge.

The door opened and Charlie walked in, a book in one hand and a coffee in the other. Her eyes scanned the room, Jet was the first she saw and waved at but she didn't get as far as seeing Dean.

"Charlie," Cas sat upright again, his eyes were starting to water in seconds and a soft glow emitted from them.

Charlie was frozen by the door, her eyes wide and hands shaking. She slowly placed her items down on the closest table but she didn't take her gaze away from Castiel. "Cas," she said in a near whisper, "You're looking at me differently…" she didn't dare ask if Cas remembered her but Dean could practically hear the question anyway.

Cas climbed out of the bed and crossed the room to her side, his mouth was pulled in a tight smile as he tried not to cry. Instead of speaking he just dropped his arms over her shoulders, tears streaming from his eyes and onto her. "Charlie," he said again, choked up and barely even able to say that much.

She hugged him back as fast as she could get control over herself, she swallowed in a way that looked painful and dropped her head against Cas'. Neither of them cared that it hurt a little, they just hung onto one another. "You remember," her voice was strained but stronger than Castiel's. "You remember me,"

"I do," he managed to say but it had taken him a few moments to do it.

Dean looked at them with a weight in his chest, it didn't hurt but it was still intense. He felt his throat ache and a pressure behind his eyes. It was amazing to see the two reunite properly, to see Charlie get what she needed after four years of waiting.

Jet didn't say anything either, Desirae rejoined him and he kept her quiet too. They didn't want to interrupt the heartfelt moment right in front of them. It was a little intimate but after what they'd gone through Dean understood why it was.

As they tired of hugging and Cas' hysteria calmed down, he finally stepped back, keeping Charlie at arm's length. "I'm so sorry," he said with what could've been a sob or a laugh, Dean had no idea which.

"Me too," Charlie was smiling as she wiped the tears away, "We're even so shut up, okay?"

Cas snorted out a laugh and rubbed his eyes too, "Alright, deal."

Charlie pulled him into another hug and squeezed tightly, "I really missed you, Cas."

"It's been a while," he agreed and squeezed back, "I can't begin to tell you how happy I am to see you."

"Tell me about it," Charlie was still pretty hesitant to let go, like Cas might just disappear or forget as soon as she wasn't in contact with him in some way. She was so happy to see him, but there was something in her expression that looked worried. "So uh… do you remember the stuff with MacLeod too?"

Dean watched Cas' body language as he tensed, his face tightened and the glow in his eyes brightened.

"So you do," Charlie blinked a few times to get used to the sudden light in her face.

"Sorry," Cas squinted a little, "Not sure how to turn that off just yet. But I do remember that too, yeah." He glanced over at Dean, maybe it was an instinctual thing but Dean still smiled reassuringly at him. Cas' smile was small but Dean was pretty sure it meant Cas felt a little better; or at least he hoped it did. He couldn't be quite sure he knew anything about Cas just yet.

"Looks like it's pretty heavy," Jet stated, finally stepping into the conversation. Dean wasn't sure where Jet found the nerve to do it, but he wasn't complaining.

"Life likes to weigh on me," Cas chuckled as if it were an inside joke, he looked at Charlie who seemed to flounder to remember what he was talking about. "Don't worry about it," he told her after a moment or two of waiting. "It's been over four years, you can't remember every conversation we've ever had."

"I was pretty sure I'd memorized them all by now," she grinned and draped her arm playfully over his shoulders. "Wasn't this one something about you not wanting to make a choice between future careers?"

"Yeah!" Cas chimed and brightened up, his wings fluttering with excitement. "We were walking home from school, Garth said some cheesy stuff-"

"-About it not being so hard to handle life's weight with help!" Charlie beamed and the two started laughing. Dean didn't get it but he was ecstatic to see Castiel sharing an inside joke from a past previously forgotten. It almost made him cry, but he managed to keep it together.

Dean looked over at Jet, enthusiastic about the little exchange he'd just seen. However Jet was staring at the two like they made no sense with narrowed eyes.

"I still can't believe it," Charlie sounded immensely happier as the shock had either passed or had become so ridiculous it didn't even register anymore. She made a small squealing sound and jumped on Cas for a second, her energy rising and affecting Cas just as much. The two cheered together and hopped up and down, Cas had once again forgotten his wings. They flapped just as excitedly as he jumped and blew a few light things around the room.

"Okay, okay!" Jet shielded himself with his arm and waved at them, "Chill a little, some of us might blow away over here."

"You're not light enough," Charlie remarked before thinking, Dean saw the moment she regretted it all over her face. "I mean, you know 'cuz you're tall and… uh…"

Jet raised an eyebrow at her, instead of cutting her off and letting her know it was okay he just let her flounder for a bit. Dean would've called him mean for it but he wasn't even sure he could say that. What the hell was the protocol with sensitive shit around Jet? Normally it was 'don't bring it up and all is well.' But Jet rarely had things happen to him like losing a limb or being traumatized, all that was past. Dean didn't know what to do with fresh wounds but he was willing to wing it.

Charlie finally had to stop and hung her head, "Sorry,"

"You know you're making more of a deal out of it than I am," Jet commented casually, Dean didn't trust the level calmness in his friend over all. He always knew Jet to overreact to things, especially stuff to make him angry. Calm meant a lot of things and Dean was willing to bet that the main thing going on in Jet's head was denial or avoidance.

Charlie didn't seem to have a good response but Cas was looking at Jet with empathy, "You know, I can understand what you're going through, Jet."

"Yeah, yeah, you had it way worse. I know I'm lucky in comparison, don't waste your breath." Jet was getting irritated, trying to dismiss the conversation altogether.

"That's not what I mean," Cas walked over to Jet's bedside and sat on the edge, "Unwanted, severe body modification isn't easy and I wanted you to know that you can talk to me about it."

Jet's nose crinkled and he exhaled heavily before turning away, "I'm fine, don't worry about it."

Desirae moved up the bed and onto Jet, she didn't say anything and just hugged him. He placed his hand on her back and lowered his head.

Cas looked to Dean again, the two shared a sympathetic expression and neither knew what to say. Charlie went to Jet's bed too and put her hand on his right shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze in the room's silence.

"We're all here for you, man." Dean said since he couldn't get up and do the same as the others.

"It's okay, dad." Desirae nuzzled his cheek once, Dean saw the little way Jet's hand held a little tighter to her.

"Thanks guys," Jet sighed, conceding in his own way that he wasn't perfectly fine. He glanced up at Cas, "Do you remember getting used to the weight difference?"

"Unfortunately my additional weight came in a symmetrical fashion, but it wasn't comfortable." Cas lifted his wings a little to make his point, "I didn't know how to move them at first so they were just deadweight. I was really awkward and stumbled a lot. You're going to fall down," Cas looked suddenly serious and Jet kinda laughed at him.

"Dude-"

"I'm not kidding," Cas stressed, "You're going to fall down at some point, and I'm telling you ahead of time because it's totally okay and part of the learning process."

Jet looked like he was going to laugh about it again but thought better of it. Instead his expression became a little more humble and he nodded. "Okay…" he trailed off and appeared a bit distant. He took a steady breath and nodded a second time, "Yeah, alright. Anything else?"

"Be patient with yourself, that's really important." Cas smiled, it wasn't as pure a smile as Dean remembered seeing but he supposed that came with tortured memories. Either that or he was reading into Cas' sympathetic looks in the wrong way. "And the part of your body that was altered is going to be really sore for a while, be nice to it."

"Sounds like a lot of 'don't hurt yourself' talk." Jet remarked and chuckled, it was mostly light-hearted but Dean could hear the little tinge of bitterness in it.

"If you can't be nice to yourself then ask someone for help." Desirae added seriously, the Cas clone in her shining through a little bit.

Jet smirked and ruffled Desirae's hair, "So if I got this right, I'm supposed to be nice to myself and take it easy."

"More or less," Cas laughed and scratched the back of his head, "It's easier said than done, though."

Dean adored listening to Cas give advice, he could hear how far Castiel had come from the first time they'd met and it just made him smile.


	79. Chapter 79

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eyyyyyy what up? I know I've been gone for a week! I've moved into my new place, there should be internet tomorrow (should be, don't be an asshole Shaw) and I'm almost done unpacking my shit. Stuff should go back to normal soon enough, so I hope you enjoy the chapters I'm able to produce :D

Out of the hospitalized trio, Castiel was the first one who was able to be up and out of bed. Jet's blood loss was monitored but he was close to being let go. Dean on the other hand was still stuck in bed, going in and out of tests to see how he was doing.

It was driving Cas a little crazy, but then again so were many other things. He'd heard that Michael had gone out of the hospital for a little while to grab some clean clothes, so he hadn't seen his big brother yet and the longer it took the more nervous he was. Cas couldn't really explain why he was nervous about seeing Michael again, maybe it was because he'd vanished without a trace and put his brother through hell. Or maybe it was because he had no idea what to say, or what Michael would say, or anything of the sort.

He'd been unprepared for Charlie's appearance and that made it so much easier. She just popped up and they had their reunion. 'We're even, so shut up, okay?' It was as simple as that. They'd both messed up, they'd both witnessed shit they wished they could forget, and they both got their best friend back. Cas appreciated how simple it was to connect with Charlie again, it wasn't the same as it had been in the past but it was stronger than ever.

Cas had already come to terms with the fact that nothing would be the same; he did have some practice with that sort of feeling, after all. When Michael plucked him out of their parents' house everything in his world flipped around. Life changed and it wasn't going back, at that time it was frightening. He had been so lost and grasping at strands of hope each time he saw them.

Looking back after what he'd been through and what he'd become, separating his life from his parents' wasn't nearly as bad as he'd originally thought. Perspective and time were strong advocators of "It's okay."

Cas spent his time in Dean's room, waiting while Dean was out with the doctors and chatting with Charlie, Jet and Desirae. It had been a while and he hadn't seen the others at all since he'd woken up. It wasn't so bad at first; he could sit and think things over, like what to do with himself and how to approach different situations. He head was swarming with far too many thoughts for him to get them all in a straight line.

He tried to focus on not thinking but thoughts kept coming back around to him. Where were the others? Was Dean going to be okay? Was Michael going to be mad? What would happen with the fact that people saw him clearly with usable wings? How bad were the nightmares going to be? Would he stop remembering everything so lucidly? Would he be able to control his wings properly again soon?

Everything needed sorting in his mind, it was a mess and he was trudging through it all just to function.

"Cas?" Charlie snapped him out of it and he just blinked up at her for a few seconds to try and get a handle on what was going on. "You okay?" She looked worried and he didn't really blame her.

"I'm well enough," he wished he could reassure her more but he didn't want to lie to her after everything that had happened. "Don't worry about it."

She scoffed lightly, "You can't ask me not to worry about you, Cas."

"I guess not," he smirked and leaned back against his chair. He was glad it had a lower backrest; his wings could drape over it comfortable as long as he didn't moving the chair around and run himself over. "I'm not dying, while I have been better I've also been much worse so I'm alright."

"Dude, Dean and I could say the same thing but we're not gonna." Jet remarked with a raised eyebrow. "Point is, Dean's got fucked up lungs and I'm fuckin' disabled, we're not alright. You just remembered you got traumatized beyond belief, 'well enough' doesn't begin to cover it."

"I'm dealing," Cas reiterated, he could feel his own temper starting to flare and tried to lessen it.

"You're in denial," Jet's aggressiveness was probably aimed at himself but Cas was starting to feel it on a more personal level. Of course Jet would lash out at conversations like that, Cas kind of expected it but he had much less patience than he thought he'd have at that time.

"So what if I am?" his tone was stern but he kept it as calm as he could, he didn't want to be angry. He didn't want to get pissed off and yell at anyone, he just wanted to lie down and sort his head out. "I'll deal with my shit as best as I can, there's a lot I need to figure out."

Jet held Cas' gaze for a moment or two before looking away and nodding, "Alright, sorry."

"It's okay," Cas still felt a ridiculous attachment to that tiny phrase, and he wasn't so sure he wanted to let that fade. He turned to Charlie who seemed a bit uncomfortable with the small clash that had just happened. "So… where are the others?"

"I'm not really sure," she furrowed her brow and looked toward the door, "I know Michael went to get clothes but he should've been back by now. Sam, Bobby and Garth should've been over here by now too."

"Maybe we should go see," Desirae chimed and moved to jump out of Jet's bed. He caught her tail and she wound up hanging off the side of the shitty mattress, flailing uncomfortably until he pulled her back up.

"You're staying right here, kiddo."

"Aww c'mon, dad! I wanna go check it out, I'm wearing the hoodie-"

"Well I want you to stay here," he insisted and she pouted, arms crossed over her chest she sat where she was told. Cas just laughed at them.

"I'll go look," he pulled himself up from the chair he'd practically glued himself to, "I need to take a walk anyway, Dean's doctor said he wouldn't be back for a while."

"I'll come with," Charlie offered and followed him out, "See you in a bit, Jet!"

"Sure," Cas heard Jet's voice as if he were close but knew that it had to be more distant than that. Getting used to new sensory strengths was more difficult than he would've thought, but Cas was getting better at managing that sort of thing.

"I have a feeling I know why they haven't come back," Charlie said as the pair headed down the hall together, Cas wasn't sure he liked the sound of it but he gave her his attention anyway. It didn't matter if he wanted to hear it or not, really. "Well... people were recording you before, do you remember that?"

He nodded, it was before he got his memories back, he was talking to Martha. "Do you think that maybe there are people looking for me?"

"I doubt it's as sinister as you just made it sound, more like a fascination sort of 'looking for you.'"

"I don't think I get it."

"Just come on," she led the way, past the sitting areas where the others had been previously and all the way to the hospital's entrance. Cas could hear commotion long before they reached it, he could hear people talking and the stammering of their friends. The front doors opened and the two could see just out of the way of the hospital's entrance a crowd had gathered. Sam was facing them with some difficulty, even Michael was there, apparently unable to get back inside. Garth appeared to be pulled aside by Bobby, presumably to shut him up. Cas knew Garth could be a blabbermouth, it was no surprise he was separated from the action.

"There he is!" Someone called excitedly and soon all those gazed were aimed his way. Cas couldn't even find the muscle memory to smile at them and just stood there like a deer in headlights.

He could see his friends' faces as the crowd maneuvered past them; it was a sort of defeated expression they all shared. Cas put two and two together pretty fast; they were keeping the crowd away from their winged anomaly, Cas hadn't done them any favours by appearing.

At first he thought it was a news crew but quickly realized that there were regular people all around, their cells in hand and undoubtedly filming the scene. His ears were bombarded with questions and he stared dumbfoundedly at the crowd. He could see a flicker of light reflect in some of their items and did his best to keep himself in check, He was stressed out and that anxiety was rising, he didn't want to do anything stupid or weird. All he could do for the moment was watch the mouths move and hope he could find something to say.

"You can't block the hospital entrance," Bobby took some charge and started to break up the crowd as best he could. Sam joined him, probably an attempt to control the situation but Cas couldn't really see how they could do anything at that point.

He felt a tug at the end of his wing and instinctively retracted the extra limb, his gaze snapping to see the young girl with a feather or two in her hand.

"Whoa!" There was a resounding sound of 'it's real' and any version of 'holy shit' that did and didn't make sense all at once. He stepped back, hesitant to do anything at all. He didn't know what to do or say, just stood there until a firm grasp on his upper arm started dragging him back inside. Cas looked up at Michael who had had enough of all the chattering people and was done exposing his little brother to them altogether.

"Why'd you go outside?" he was frustrated, Cas could feel it in how tightly Michael held his arm before Michael even spoke. "You know people are going to be all over you." There was a sudden tonal shift, as if Michael remembered he couldn't get that pissed off with a Castiel that didn't remember. Cas couldn't really believe that there was that much of a difference, but it was right in front of him plain as day.

"Sorry Mike," he muttered rather dejectedly and then suddenly walked into his brother who had stopped completely.

Michael didn't say anything he just spun around and pulled Cas into the tightest hug of his life. It hurt but Cas didn't complain, he just reciprocated and dropped his head against Michael's shoulder.

"You remember," Michael said with so much certainty Cas had to wonder about his own mannerisms. "You haven't called me Mike once since you disappeared, you're back."

"I remember," Cas admitted in agreement and pressed his face down harder, "I'm sorry, Mike."

"Guys, you should move further in," Garth hurried up to them, there were other footsteps along with his but Cas wasn't paying attention to who it might be, or how many there were.

Michael took a shaky breath and nodded, regaining his hold on Cas but this time taking him by the wrist. They hurried Cas back into the hospital toward Dean and Jet's room, unwanted guests weren't allowed and that was their only saving grace for the time being. They were in the hallway outside the room and Michael had to stop and look at Castiel again.

"Your eyes…" Michael muttered, tears in his, "you really do recognize me now."

Cas laughed through a simultaneous sob and nodded, "I do," he nodded a little faster as he wiped his eyes. "I know you saved me from mom and dad, I know you worked your ass off to keep us fed with a roof over our heads. I know your favourite colour is blue, you prefer breakfast over other meals, and you always slept with your bedroom door open. I know you, Mike." He couldn't stop the tears and he could see that his brother couldn't either. They just smiled in disbelief at one another for a second or two, neither knew what to say next. All Cas could really think of was that he'd been an idiot, how could he ever imagine Michael would be mad at him?

Michael placed a firm hand on Cas' shoulder, "Don't apologize anymore, alright? You didn't do anything that needs you to say that, it's okay now."

Cas sighed in relief and lowered his head, giving a very shallow nod as he tried to keep it together. He missed his big brother. He remembered when it all started, screaming at MacLeod that his brother would find him and kick MacLeod's ass for what was happening. He remembered when he was put under the knife the first time, his mind active and crying out for Michael, hoping he'd show up just in time like it happened in comics.

"I don't blame you either," Cas added and lifted his gaze again, he knew Michael and he knew Michael would blame himself over and over for what happened. His brother's face was tense at the mention of the word 'blame,' "I don't blame anyone for what MacLeod and his people did to me, or to Desirae or any other victim."

"MacLeod's dead," Michael said in a hushed way, "hating him doesn't do you any good."

"And hating you does?" Cas hugged his brother again, "You're an idiot, Mike."

Michael laughed softly and relented, "Alright, you win this one."

"What one?" Dean was being wheeled back around ahead of schedule, he looked a bit drugged up and Cas tried not to laugh at his dazed expression.

"Nothing, baby." Cas smiled and followed the nurse pushing Dean's wheelchair into the room again. Michael followed suit, the others had all gone into the room ahead of them while Cas wasn't paying attention.

Sam was sitting at Jet's bedside hearing all about how mean Jet was from Desirae. Bobby was looking out the window at the people circling around, and Garth and Charlie were excitedly talking about Castiel remembering them again.

"Full house," Dean muttered in a slurred way, Sam glanced up and shook his head.

"How's he doing?" Sam was looking at the nurse who let Cas help Dean into the bed instead.

"He's doing alright, actually. I think we're looking at one of the best case scenarios for him." He lit up a little as he spoke, Cas saw no reason not to trust his word.

"That's great," Jet joined in the good news, "So what're the possible outcomes on this one?"

"Well, if he keeps going at his current rate of recovery we're thinking he'll be out of here in a few days."

Cas' wings drooped, "A few days? Really?"

"Well recovery takes time," the nurse reiterated but still upbeat. "Dean was in pretty bad shape."

"It's good news," Charlie agreed and pat Cas on the shoulder, "Don't sweat it, okay?"

"I know…" Cas sighed and dropped down beside Dean's bed, "I just want him to be better, it sucks seeing him hurt."

"I know how you feel," Sam sounded like he was in good spirits too, despite the news. Maybe it was a little over dramatic but Cas still wanted to mope about Dean being stuck in the hospital for a few days. He didn't want to mention it though, if Sam could be happy with his brother and boyfriend being unwell then Cas had nothing to complain about.

But he still wanted to complain, at least a little bit.

"Dee…." He droned and dropped his head on the mattress next to Dean's arm. He felt a hand in his hair, rubbing lazily.

"It's okay, Cas." Dean mumbled with what sounded like a smile on his face. "It's all okay."


	80. Chapter 80

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for my absence >_> I hope everyone's doing well!

It was late and the hospitalized boys were asleep. Cas sat quietly at Dean's bedside with his wings tucked in as close as he could get them, eyes barely focusing on his boyfriend. He'd wanted to have a real conversation with Dean but Dean kept getting taken away for checkups and tests, and then of course there were the drugs to keep him sedated.

The room was so quiet, Dean's breathing was the only noise Cas could really hear and it hurt to listen to. There was something stressing about hearing another person unable to breathe smoothly as they slept. Cas wished he could fix it with the snap of his fingers or a magic spell, but despite his other abilities that one was the impossible one.

Cas sighed and leaned back in his chair, this time actually messing up his feathers. He adjusted with a soft grunt about it and sighed again just for good measure.

"Sounds like you're bored," Michael whispered, he was sitting in the same room silently reading. Cas didn't mind, Michael wanted to be nearby and that was fine by him.

"Frustrated I guess," he muttered and motioned toward the door, Michael was quick to pick up on his cues and the two walked into the hall. Cas tried to be quiet, Sam was sleeping in the chair next to Jet's bed, and Desirae was snuggled up to her one-armed hero. They were all sleeping so soundly but Cas knew that any noise could wake Rae; none of them were as dosed as Dean was so he kept quiet.

Since their team had been in the hospital for a while it was time that some of them got a bed to sleep in. Bobby went to get a motel room for himself while Charlie was coaxed into going to Garth's place for a night. Cas was a key part in the coaxing, he didn't want her to spend the night in the hospital again for no reason. He wasn't a great conversation at that moment, and really he kind of wanted some time with Dean. Of course there was a sedating monkey-wrench in that plan, but he couldn't have foreseen that. So he wound up sitting silently at Dean's bedside, afraid to sleep and wishing he hadn't asked his friends to go home for a night.

"So what's up?" Michael leaned against the wall when Cas finally slowed to a stop.

"Everything and nothing," Cas pushed his hands through his hair, "I mean, I really want to talk to Dean. And I really want to talk to you, and Charlie, and Garth…"

"So you literally want to do everything at once,"

"And nothing."

"Right," Michael nodded knowingly though Cas doubted he really got it. "So then why did you tell Charlie to go with Garth?"

"Because she should sleep in a decent bed, I'll get to talk to her tomorrow." Cas came up with the best response he could on the fly, it seemed to do the trick because Michael just nodded again. Cas eyed his brother, "You were supposed to go sleep in a normal bed too…"

"Somehow I knew you'd have a weird, middle of the night Cas crisis."

Cas just smiled at that, he couldn't really deny it. "How do you know me so well after all that time?"

"I used to pay attention, believe it or not."

The two both chuckled quietly and sighed at the same time, Cas adored those dumb moments where it was undeniable they were related in some way. He missed them, he missed similar times with Charlie where they'd both make the same reference without discussing it first. He loved the old times, part of him wished that those were all he could remember and he'd never have to worry about nightmares. But that wasn't what he wanted, not really. It would involve forgetting Dean and Cas didn't think he could possibly handle that, either of them.

"So," Michael broke the silence that had fallen between them, it wasn't uncomfortable but Cas could tell Michael had something on his mind. "I know everything's been really weird for you for the last day or two, you remembered a bunch of shit and people you love almost died,"

As Michael paused Cas just thought about the 'people he loved' and couldn't get Dean's face out of his head. He knew Jet was hurt too but Dean was the one that came to mind every time he thought about it, it made him feel a tad guilty.

"I don't wanna push you," Mike continued and fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, "but I was wondering what you were going to do now?"

It was a question Cas had been avoiding, more or less. It crossed his mind a few times and he pushed it back down so he wouldn't have to see it anymore, at least not for a while anyway. He shrugged and leaned against the wall too, his wings fluttered as he slid down to sit on the floor. "I want to be with Dean, that's as far as I've decided."

Michael hummed softly and carefully sat next to Cas, making sure not to bother the wings. "Yeah, I kinda figured that. So I guess you won't be coming back home with me, huh?"

"You should come with us," Cas said without hesitation, "I don't want to go back to that mansion, but I think it'd be great if we all lived together in a big place."

"Wouldn't that be weird? I mean, you'll be there with your boyfriend…"

"And Sam, Jet, Desirae, Charlie, maybe Bobby too." Cas was quick to say, he knew it was mostly just a hopeful thought. There was no guarantee that they'd all agree, but he could sit and hope all the same.

"I don't know if-"

"Shut up, it'll happen." Cas cut him off with a laugh, "Don't shoot holes in my dreams."

Michael smirked and reached over to ruffle Cas' hair, "That's not such a big dream, what about singing? Gonna do something with that now?"

"Don't wanna push me but the second I'm back you gotta jump on the old problem, huh?" he huffed, a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I don't know if I'll jump into a career or college or something, I feel like being a burden on society for a while first."

"Fair enough, you've earned it."

"Maybe," Cas wasn't convinced he had, it wasn't society's fault he got mixed up in what happened. He'd more be a burden on Jet's inheritance. "Hey, did Jet ever explain to you why he got MacLeod's money?"

"Not really, I haven't talked to him much." Michael looked a little uncomfortable with just the thought. "But Bobby had told me that it was because Jet worked for MacLeod too, he guesses it was because Jet was a favourite."

"I was a favourite," Cas hoped it didn't sound jealous, he really didn't want to be MacLeod's favourite anything.

"Yeah, but he liked Jet in a… different way. Apparently the dress code involved being shirtless majority of the time-"

"Stop! Stop right now!" Cas waved his arms in front of him, trying to shake the idea and keep it away. "Eugh, I remember they talked about it but I don't want it to be fresh in my memory, thanks."

"Sorry," Michael was trying not to laugh, they both attempted to keep it at just above whispering levels and no higher. "But we're pretty sure that was it, none of us got a chance to talk to him about it and I get the feeling we don't really want to."

"I don't, that's for sure."

Another silence fell between them and they both took the time to think. Cas could recall his time in MacLeod's lab, he could recall forgetting and remembering everything that had happened to him in that time. But that didn't give him any answers as to what the others were doing, or what had happened in their lives.

"You… ever talk to mom and dad?" He caught himself asking, knowing full well that Michael was going to drop in mood. Except that didn't happen, Michael just shrugged it off.

"Nah," it was simple, no rage or malice or anything mixed in.

"Okay," Cas looked at his brother more adamantly, "you always used to get mad whenever we talked about them, what happened to change that?"

Michael shook his head, "I don't know, really. I guess I realized I had bigger things to worry about, I didn't have any energy to waste on hating them."

"Was I the thing stealing all your energy?"

"Yeah, but that's alright."

Cas could feel how content Michael was and it made him smile, he didn't doubt for a second that it was okay. Michael was just happy to have Castiel back, to be remembered at all. Maybe it'd be okay to have a more serious conversation…

"So what did you do after I disappeared?"

Michael pursed his lips for a second and exhaled heavier than he had previously. "Well… after the police stopped actively looking I joined Charlie for a bit. She had stayed in town for a long time, I did what I could…"

"It started to look hopeless, huh?" Cas inched a bit closer and put his hand on Michael's shoulder as his brother nodded.

"Yeah, it did." Michael took a long, deep breath and closed his eyes for a few seconds. "It was really hard. I used to think that you needed me, that you wouldn't make it without me. But I learned in the time you were gone that it was me; that I needed you and not the other way around."

"I need you, Mike." Cas corrected him softly in the small pause given. "I always do, you're my brother."

A sharp scoff escaped Michael as he tried to force down sadder emotions, a smile added for better effect. "A lot of good I did you."

"I thought we said we were past this," Cas shuffled his wing behind Michael and curved it around him, "We're even, remember?"

"I know, I know… it's just hard to shake something you've held onto for so long already."

Cas nodded, he wasn't sure what to say to that. Hell, he didn't know what to say half the time and just said the first bit of wisdom that came to mind. The result was a mixed bag of good, bad, and neutral situations. He leaned against Michael's side and stared at the wall across the hallway. "So… I take it you just worked?"

"Yep, every day they'd let me."

"Girlfriend?"

"Nope."

"Boyfriend?"

"Nope."

"Wow," Cas tried not to laugh, "you just wasted away then?"

"Yeah," Michael was dead serious and it made Cas feel bad for trying to make it into a joke. "Sad, right?" Michael was smiling again though, Cas wasn't sure what to make of it.

"Yeah…" he trailed off and looked back at the wall, unsure of what to say all over again so he just decided to talk and see what would come out. "Are you sad now?"

"Not at all," Michael put his arm around Cas' shoulders and gave him a squeeze. "I don't think I've been happier in my whole life."

"Somehow… that makes me feel better."

"It's still kinda sad though."

"Yeah, kinda."

Michael grinned, "Guess I'll have to expand the way I live from now on… maybe it'd be better in a house full of people."

Cas lit up, his wings fluttered immediately with his sudden joy. "You serious!? You'll come stay with me?"

"For a while," Michael barely managed to say before getting a rib-crushing hug. His breathing became more of a wheeze as he sputtered, "just to… make sure you're okay."

"That's so great! Thank you!"

"Shhh," a nurse hushed them in passing and Cas smiled sheepishly.

"Sorry," he whispered and waved.

"C'mon," Michael stood up and helped Cas do the same, "Let's get some sleep."

"What, on those chairs?"

"Unless you've got a better place?"

"Nope, chairs it is."

Sleep hadn't come easy and Cas found himself fighting it every step of the way. Michael was out pretty fast; Dean, Jet and Desirae were in a deep sleep. Sam had gotten up every once in a while to walk around and sit down again, Cas just watched and said nothing. He tried several different positions and found nothing that worked.

Not that he couldn't be comfortable, he was close to sleeping a few times but his heartrate stuttered and jumped each time. He drifted in and out, like tiny naps that did almost nothing to make him feel better.

Dean's breathing was ragged and the machines seemed suddenly so loud. Michael snored and that sounded exceedingly noisy too, but it was a better noise. If it weren't for noises like that Cas was sure he'd lose it.

Sleep crept in and he tried to fall into it. He heard the rhythmic beeping of Dean's machines and his stomach twisted up. He could almost hear the distant saw buzzing. _Beep._

' _Keep your eyes closed,'_ he told himself.

 _Beep._ He could've sworn he felt a needle prick his neck.

' _It's just the hospital equipment,'_

 _Beep._ Were there hands on him? Was that saw getting closer?

' _It's nothing to worry about. That's a good sound.'_

 _Beep._ Castiel opened his eyes and listened to the room again. Nothing out of the ordinary, no one had moved.

He took another few minutes to calm down and tried to rest his head on the bed. He sighed as softly as he could and closed his eyes again.

His body felt uneasy, he knew he was in a medical place, somewhere they did surgeries and tests on bodies. He knew that the place he was in was friendly but that didn't curb his worries. His breathing rate increased and he tried to calm it down.

Quieting his mind wasn't working, he could hear every sound in the room and then some, his imagination adding little familiar noises that brought him too far back. He could feel a dirt floor under him at the same time as a hard, flat surface. His wings curled and ached at the base, his back shuddered and he grit his teeth.

"I just wanna sleep," he growled tiredly, tears filled his eyes as he tried to keep quiet. Sleeping never used to be so hard, not even when he had just been freed from the basement. Cas realized that he really had disconnected himself from it that whole time, he wasn't used to dealing with it at all.

Another hour went by and he had changed positions more times than there were new positions to switch to. Cas wished he could crawl into Dean's bed and cuddle up, he wished he could just snuggle close and all his nightmares would disappear. But Dean was hurt and he wouldn't dare make it worse.

Cas shuffled close to Dean's bed and laid on it with as much of himself on the bed as he could, it wasn't a lot but it was closer to Dean. Just that bit of intimacy was calming, Cas reached over and took Dean's hand, he tried to sleep again. Darkness swept in and he lost the sound of the heart monitor and ventilator.

" _Castiel, it's been a long time."_

His chest tightened and he suddenly felt like he was falling, bolting upright again and staring at the still hospital room.

"Cas?" Dean was drowsy and barely awake, but he was more conscious than he'd been most of the evening. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Cas didn't want to worry him, "Go back to sleep, Dee."

Dean frowned and held Cas' hand as tightly as he could muster, "Don't lie to me, Cas. What happened?"

Cas felt a small whine in his throat and tried to swallow it, an old communication habit he didn't want to come back. "Sorry," he whispered and moved closer, lying down so his head was close to Dean's. "I'm having trouble sleeping."

Dean made a tired grunting sound as if he understood and pulled on Cas' arm, "C'mere."

"I can't, you'll fall out-"

"I won't, now get up here."

Cas didn't argue further, he carefully crawled in and Dean used him as a pillow.

"See? No pressure on my chest, we're all good." Dean muttered and snuggled down, falling asleep almost instantly.

Cas watched Dean doze off, felt his weight and strong sense of calm. Sleep came to him, and though it wasn't nightmare-free, it was still timid enough to get him through the rest of the night.


	81. Chapter 81

No one was audibly keeping track of how long everything was taking but it felt like forever. Dean felt a lot better than he had when he was first brought in, it'd been a few days and he was breathing on his own again for extended periods of time. Each time longer than the last, he was only relying on the oxygen when he really needed it.

The doctors kept running tests to see how he was doing and Dean wished he could remember half the time he'd spent in the hospital those few days. He remembered making Jet laugh but he couldn't remember the joke at all. Maybe it was more at his expense than at an actual joke. He remembered talking with Bobby a little bit but it couldn't have been all that substantial. Cas was always there at his side, sleeping with him at night. They hadn't had much in the ways of conversation, Dean felt partially responsible for it but he knew to keep quiet about that sort of thing.

He had made a drugged up escape attempt one of the previous days, he remembered having the idea but not a whole lot about how it went. Mostly he recalled Cas gently trying to get him back to bed and Bobby's rough determination to do the same but by force.

Dean had been off of any medication for a little while, the most recent tests were being checked and analyzed, and the drugs were starting to wear off. More importantly than any of that, though, Jet was no longer bed-ridden. Dean was glad he could be functional for that moment.

Jet was sitting at the edge of his bed when he was given the news that he'd been signed out. "For real?" Jet exclaimed with wide eyes, "You sure? I mean… I haven't… I…"

"Hey," Sam took his hand and squeezed reassuringly, "don't worry so much, it'll be fine."

Jet was quiet for a few seconds as he looked at Sam, "Yeah, yeah I'm fine." He didn't sound convinced, just repeating something he wanted to believe. All the same, no one pointed it out to him and he moved to stand upright.

Dean could see the way Jet's legs tensed and the subtle shake of his hand; since Sam was already holding it still Dean only imagined how nervous Jet was. His balance was definitely off and he was stiff as he straightened out on his feet. He wobbled and Sam was right there to keep him upright.

"Careful," Sam was sure to support Jet completely; Dean wished he could be up and helping too. "You got a transfusion, most of your blood is replenished but your body's still recovering."

"You'll feel better in a few days," the doctor reassured them, "It's normal to feel woozy after the amount of blood you lost."

"Right," Jet was a little out of breath, Dean wasn't sure if that was connected to the 'body recovering blood' thing or just anxiety about the whole situation. He had a feeling he shouldn't ask, either.

"You got this!" Desirae cheered him on and Jet just smiled at her. Dean realized in that moment that he hadn't been paying attention to how much Jet cared about her. He knew that his friend was passionate and a little intense; he knew that Jet was the type to risk life and limb to save someone else –especially a kid. But he hadn't seen the softness that Desirae brought out in Jet, and though it seemed out of place at first Dean was still thrilled that he could see it at all.

"I'll get used to it," Jet said to reassure himself as much as the others around him.

"You're doing great," Cas agreed and smiled at Dean, almost as if to encourage him to say the same.

Dean wasn't sure Jet needed his additional commentary to the situation, he had a feeling it'd light the fuse on Jet's temper. However that feeling faded immediately when Jet looked his way, a little desperate and a little scared. Dean lifted his arm and gave a thumb's up as soon as he registered Jet's hunt for approval, "Doing better than I would, man."

Jet smiled and even laughed, "Maybe. You would've tried to get up after the second day."

"Just because I tried to leave yesterday and failed doesn't mean you're right."

"That's exactly what it means."

Seeing Jet walk brought up a combination of emotions and Dean didn't know which one to listen to more. He was excited that Jet was up, happy that his best friend hadn't died but still devastated at the state Jet was in. He was sad knowing that Jet would have to relearn how to do so many things in his life, and a little scared to see the types of frustrated rampages Jet would go on.

"You know," Jet straightened his back and balanced on his own, gesturing for Sam to step away from him, "I think the scariest part about this isn't even having to live with one arm."

"What's scaring you, then?" Cas tilted his head, still curious and caring about his 'Chet.' Dean was happy to see that friendship hadn't taken any damage from Cas' memories coming back; it gave him hope for his own.

"Telling my mom," Jet laughed and both Winchesters started nodding immediately.

"Yep." The brothers agreed without hesitation.

"You haven't told her anything, have you?" Bobby smirked from the doorway; he'd just gotten back with a bag of burgers for the team.

"Not a damn thing," Jet grinned a little sheepishly, "Actually, now that I think of it, every time I talked to her she was really busy."

"I never saw you talking to your mom," Dean stated, unsure of what that would help but it was true in his case. "What, didn't want me to embarrass you?"

"It's my mom, you can't embarrass me any more than I've done to myself already."

"Was she seriously busy every time? It's been like two months," Sam crossed his arms for a moment but subtly tried to lower them again soon after. Dean knew it was because he wanted to be ready to catch Jet if need be.

"Wait," Cas looked at them earnestly, "Just two months? Are you sure?"

"Well I haven't been paying that much attention, but yeah, pretty sure." Sam took out his phone and checked its calendar. His expression shifted into a more stiff, stone-faced look and he slowly put his phone back in his pocket.

"What?" Dean furrowed his brow.

"It's uh… it's July…"

Jet looked at him angrily, "Did you fuckin' graduate!?"

"Welll…"

"Goddamn it, Sam."

"Dude!"

"Sam…"

It was a sentiment shared between Dean, Jet, and Bobby all at once. Cas pat Sam on the arm supportively, "It's okay, Sam." He smiled as Sam just slumped his shoulders. "I'm sure all you have to do is take a summer course."

"Yeah… but I was supposed to be done right now." Sam pushed his hand through his hair and sighed heavily. Dean could only imagine what was going through Sam's head, but it really was Sam's own fault.

"Did you do the homework?" Bobby asked and Sam nodded.

"Yeah, I did it all but I never handed it in…"

"Plus you missed the grad date," Dean added, "I'm surprised none of your friends mentioned it to you."

"They probably did… I've been kinda avoiding answering them." Sam cringed at himself and slid his hand down his face, "Oh man…"

"You should figure that out," Jet scolded him and Sam pouted.

"C'mon, cut me some slack. You barely graduated."

"Yeah, and that's why it's more important that you do. I know the education system is fucked but that's your societal measuring stick right now, so go make a damn phone call."

Dean nodded, "What he said." He didn't have anything to that, Jet pretty much covered everything he would've anyway.

Sam pursed his lips and walked out of the room, knowing full well it was frowned upon to use his phone inside. Jet nodded and looked over at Dean, "I can't believe we let that happen."

"I can't believe he let that happen," Dean's brow creased and he looked over at Bobby, "Did he say something to you? Is he okay?"

Bobby adjusted his hat and gave a solid nod, "He's stressed out, he hasn't been dealing with the same things as you guys. He told me he's feelin' useless, like he hasn't done anything worthwhile." He sighed and looked at the door that Sam had closed, "I knew as soon as June ended that he forgot 'bout his classes, figured it best not to mention it to him yet."

Dean leaned back and pinched the bridge of his nose, "I've been so caught up in all this stuff I haven't actually sat down with him."

"It's alright, you have time." Cas looked around the room at them all, "It's not the end of the world, Sam will do just fine."

Dean looked at Cas, about to protest but his mind caught up with him in time. Castiel had missed out on four years, Sam just missed two months. While Cas had graduated already, he still had to pick his life up from where he'd left it. "Yeah," Dean nodded and happily accepted a kiss from his boyfriend, "You're right, thanks Cas."

"Anytime," Cas nuzzled him and gave another quick peck on the cheek.

"He's feeling useless?" Jet repeated slower, more lost in thought than anything else. His expression tightened and he headed out of the room, a jerky motion in his shoulders was the only indication Dean saw that Jet felt weird when walking. He managed to stay upright and walked out of the room at a brisk pace.

Desirae didn't wait; she pulled her hoodie up and ran out after him despite Cas' attempts at objecting.

"Let her go," Dean said before Cas could chase her down, "She wants to be with them."

"Yeah well…" Cas hesitated and looked at the window, "There are a lot of people who are interested in meeting us, I just want her to stay away from them."

"People?" Dean hadn't heard about that, or if he had he didn't remember shit about it.

"Folks who saw videos," Bobby was the first to speak up after a short look exchanged between him and Cas.

"Charlie showed us," Michael said, the first time he'd said anything and frankly Dean had forgotten he was there. He walked over and handed his phone to Dean, a scene from the hospital entrance played. Dean hadn't been there to see it, but it was clear enough that Cas' wings were real.

"Oh… those people."

"And then some," Bobby raised his eyebrows and pressed his lips into a tight line, Dean figured he'd missed some action but apparently it was more than he expected. "They sneak into the hospital sometimes, if Cas weren't your boyfriend I'm sure they would've kicked him out by now."

"We're taking up a lot of space," Michael agreed and looked around the room, "Though I guess Jet's paying for it so they probably don't mind that much."

Cas nudged Michael's arm, "Just because _you_ think everyone wants to work less for more money doesn't mean there aren't real people who want to help."

"Yeah, yeah."

"So when we leave…" Dean trailed off, hoping someone would jump in with a plan. He watched Cas' posture shift and a subtle change in his face. Cas shrugged, his wings moved in a similar way and looked way more natural than they had after Cas remembered everything.

"I was hoping we could… move." Castiel nearly choked on that last word, but Dean wasn't all that surprised.

"Yeah, absolutely."

Cas blinked a few times, trying to figure out what just happened and why he didn't have to pull teeth to get what he wanted. "What? Really?"

"Yeah, none of us are emotionally attached to that place and there's two of you for sure that would probably be more comfortable somewhere else. Why not? We can find something more modern, but I still want an indoor pool." Dean figured it was a simple demand, worst-case scenario for him; he'd have to build one himself.

Cas' smile was more than enough for Dean to know it wasn't just a good choice, it was the only choice.

"Anything you want, Cas," Dean said softly, taking Cas' hand once he was close enough. "I'll do whatever it takes, okay?"

Cas nodded and took a shaky breath to try and stop himself from crying. "Okay." He choked and moved in for a hug. Dean held as tightly as he could manage.

"I love you." He whispered.

"I love you, too." Cas turned his head to kiss Dean's cheek before dropping it against Dean's shoulder. "I love you so much."

Dean never would've imagined he'd ever be with someone like Castiel, and if he had a choice to go back in time he'd go through the same shit to make sure he would always have Cas.


	82. Chapter 82

"Sam," Jet spotted his boyfriend at the entrance to the hospital, phone in hand and eyes downcast. He couldn't read whatever Sam's expression was; it was too neutral to really know. "Sam!" he said again, stronger and a little louder. This time Sam looked up, surprise in his face and an immediate switch to something more upbeat the moment he saw who it was.

"It's alright," he said and waved his phone a little, "They're going to let me write everything next week, I just need to get my assignments in and I'll have a little time to study-"

"Not that," Jet said as he reached Sam's side, pushing the phone away and using that as an excuse to hold Sam's wrist. "Bobby said you were feeling useless, is that true?"

Sam's eyes widened, just a little but Jet noticed it. There was a moment where Sam glanced away then back again, his expression shifted subtly but Jet recognized it. He knew in that split second that Sam was about to lie to him.

"No, I-"

"Shut up and tell me the truth."

Sam's arm twitched, a small tug to realize that Jet wasn't letting go. It wouldn't have been a problem for Sam to pull away and they both knew it. He'd pull Jet right to the ground but it was entirely possible.

"Alright, fine." Sam conceded, his shoulders slipped down, as did his head.

"So then?"

He was quiet for a few seconds before nodding shallowly. Jet pulled lightly on Sam's arm and led him forward into a hug. It was awkward, he'd hugged Desirae easily with one arm and when in bed it was a good excuse to just side-hug. But that moment called for a real, two-armed embrace and he couldn't give it. Instead he squeezed as hard as he could with just one and pressed his cheek to Sam's.

"You've never been useless." He whispered and Sam responded with a heavy drop of his head. It hit Jet's left shoulder, and though Jet expected a recoil it wasn't so bad. "Why would you think that?"

"Because I haven't done anything," Sam grumbled, "When this all started to now I haven't done anything significant."

"Seriously?" Jet asked gently and nudged Sam's cheek with his own, "You've done plenty."

Sam just scoffed.

"What did we do that's so impressive?"

Sam sighed and pulled away, "I dunno, how about when Dean found Cas? Or you getting the mansion in the first place?"

"I worked to be objectified for money, it just so happened to be for someone who died and left shit for me, I didn't anything." Jet watched Sam pace a little; it was obvious that it had been a thorn for a while. How could he not have seen it? Wasn't he paying enough attention?

Regardless, Sam didn't answer, he just stopped and ran his hand through his hair.

"You know Dean only went into that part of the basement because _you_ did first, right?" Jet continued, he'd even surprised himself with how gentle he was being. "Dean's not a huge fan of skulking around unknown areas with strange beings that might kill him." he paused, "You know, despite his dumbass move going into a cage. My point is he wouldn't have ever gone down there otherwise, which means he wouldn't-"

"He wouldn't have found Cas," Sam finished the sentence, nodding shallowly again but his expression was still down. "Charlie did most of the research that I was going to do, I wasn't exactly useful in that way either."

"You're the one who found those files in the first place." Jet approached Sam again and stepped in front of him. He touched Sam's cheek and affectionately tilted his head so they could make eye contact. "What's this really about, babe? You know you've been important this whole time; I know you know that. So why are you saying this all of a sudden?"

Sam's jaw clenched and Jet saw tears rising in Sam's eyes each time he blinked, threatening to fall. "I…" it wasn't easy, his chest heaved and he choked on the words. Jet waited patiently for him. "I feel like I let you down. Even though I knew you wanted to go to town more than me I let you volunteer to stay home. I couldn't get back in time to save you, and…" The tears started falling then and Sam tried to rub them away. It didn't work, they kept falling and he gave up on them.

"Sam, it's okay." Jet didn't know what would be the best thing to say but he couldn't just say nothing.

"I thought I lost you." Sam blurted out, angry and scared at the same time. His nose crinkled as he inhaled sharply and he turned away. Jet followed, trying to stay in front of him.

"You didn't," he tried to be reassuring but he couldn't tell if it was getting through.

"I was so scared. If Cas hadn't been there you would have died. But…" Sam looked at Jet's arm, his brow creased the longer he stared.

Jet followed Sam's gaze and looked at where the hospital gown dangled over nothing, just a wrapped stump underneath. "But this still happened."

Sam hesitated but still nodded, "Yeah. That still happened." His hands clenched as anger overtook him, his face was so tight and more vicious than Jet had ever seen it. He didn't know Sam was capable of that kind of temperament.

Jet had experience with anger; his family all had short fuses and so did he. But more than that he knew what hateful anger looked like, he'd seen it in his father and felt it in himself. That was the kind of rage that took its host down through insanity and beat the shit out of others. Jet didn't doubt that Sam had a handle on it; Sam's animosity didn't look as intense as others' that he'd seen.

"I wanted to get revenge for you," Sam said through clenched teeth, "I wanted to make those things pay for what they did. But I didn't, I didn't do anything worthwhile down there because Cas was far more capable than any of us. He did most of the fighting while the rest of us stumbled around in the dark. I couldn't do anything, I was completely useless and a liability!" He threw his arms up in complete disbelief of himself. "Charlie hit her head, Cas was cut up pretty bad, and I just watched my brother get poisoned. You've all got battle scars, proof you were down there doing your part."

"So were you," Jet tried not to get mad, "Do you want to lose an arm too? Sam it's not about what scars we have, what's important is that we're all here now. You did more than enough already-"

"So maybe I was useful before," Sam's gaze was harsh, Jet knew it was more self-deprecating but it still sucked to see that look at all. "Maybe I did something at the start but not when it was important, when it really mattered that I do something I wasn't there. I wasn't there when it mattered and if I was then what I did didn't help."

"It all mattered," Jet stated firmly without raising his voice to match Sam's. He could've easily started shouting, let it escalate into something big and stupid and just relieve the stress building up in his head. But he didn't want to take his anger out on people he cared about, he knew where the road took people and he didn't want it for himself. "Everything you did mattered. It matters to Cas that you were there for him, looking out for him. It matters to Dean that you'd support him in what he was doing, in the choices he made whether they were smart or not. You've been here with all of us every step of the way, no matter what. Bobby loves you, Charlie thinks you're awesome and wicked smart; hell I even heard Michael mention how much he respects you for what you've done!"

Sam looked at him sternly, "And what about you?"

"What about me?"

"What'd I do to help you? What use was I to you?"

"C'mon, are you kidding?" Jet couldn't help a stunted laugh as he studied Sam's expression. There was no sign of joking, "You're serious." He reiterated and Sam's demeanour didn't change. "Alright, listen to me, okay? You don't need to be useful."

Sam rolled his eyes and started to move away but Jet caught his arm again, nearly falling over in the process but managing to stay upright all the same.

"I said listen to me, I'm not done." He kept his tone as calm as he could, it wasn't that he was worked up but he didn't want to irritate Sam any further. "We all have this idea in our heads that we need to make our mark, that we need to have some kind of use to someone else. You're not a goddamn convenience item and you're not a tool." He felt himself getting riled up and took a breath to slow down. "What I'm trying to say is that you shouldn't evaluate your worth based on how handy you are to somebody. I'm not saying you didn't do anything valuable, everything you've done is valuable to someone."

Sam took that little pause to ask softly; "What and to who?"

"Everything you do is valuable to me." Jet made sure not to hold back any emotion when saying that, he didn't want it to get confused and it was something that Sam needed to hear in full honesty.

Sam's eyes weren't dry by any means of the word; his mouth was pulled tight and trembling as he tried to read Jet's face, looking for some kind of lie there. He shook his head and choked on his words, "You're lying." It was so quiet and hoarse, like Sam wanted to believe he was worthless, as if that'd help anything.

"I love you, Sam." Jet said, unyielding. He smiled and shook his head as another laugh got caught in his throat. "Why would I lie about that? I'm scared too, you know."

The doubt that Sam was clinging to didn't seem to go anywhere; in fact he looked a little more skeptical. It was like he didn't want to hear the first part so he focused on anything negative he could find. "Scared of what?"

"Scared of losing you," Jet couldn't believe he admitted it but he'd already decided full honesty was what the situation needed. No hiding, no cutting corners.

"Why would you lose me? That doesn't make sense." Sam scoffed bitterly, his eyes were softer but confusion had moved in.

Jet realized it was time to try and babble through what he'd been thinking about while stuck in a hospital bed for days. "I mean, I know we'll always be friends, so I'm not scared of losing you that way. But we've only been dating for two months or something, maybe three. You didn't sign up for this amputee shit, and there's no reason you need to stick around and deal with it or me. So I'm scared you'll realize that, or that you'll realize how much trouble I am. Or-"

Sam cut him off with a kiss, knowing full well that Jet was about to go into an endless ramble. He could tell that Sam understood what he was getting at, and maybe what he'd said had helped. Jet wasn't sure he'd really helped Sam's problem, but he knew he'd at least displayed that he cared about the struggle and wanted to help. That was all Sam usually needed, independent little bastard that he was.

Jet let himself sink into the kiss as Sam had deepened it instead of pulling away. He found himself needing it more than he thought he did, a sturdy support that he could rely on. It meant more than words and told him enough before Sam could even speak after it ended.

"I'm not going anywhere, I love you too, Jet."

Those words barely registered in his ears before he heard Desirae cheering.

"Wooooo!" She clapped and so did a few other people who were watching their entryway soap opera. Sam's face flushed and Jet could only find the ability to grin and wave. "That was great! You guys are so cute together." Desirae ran over to them and climbed up onto Sam so she could try and hug them both.

"Thanks, kiddo." Jet kissed her forehead, "I like to think we're good together."


	83. Chapter 83

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god this chapter
> 
> It did not come easy but here we are all the same. Hope you like it folks :D

 

"There is… one other phone call I made," Sam admitted as the three walked back into the hospital room. Cas looked up excitedly, happy to see them all back without any hint of animosity. He of course did notice Sam's guilty tone and Jet's skeptical expression, but those things had just happened so he didn't count them.

"What did you do?" Jet raised his eyebrow, ready to get defensive if he needed to.

"Well, since you didn't do it and I know how much she means to-"

"You called my mom!?" Jet exclaimed dramatically, his voice even cracked and nearly made Cas snort out a laugh.

"Yeeeaaaahhhh…" Sam droned guiltily and smiled with as much confidence as he could muster. "I kinda thought you'd want her to know."

"Yeah but she's gonna kill me! What did she say!? How did you keep that conversation so short?" Jet grabbed onto Sam's shirt and pulled him closer in a desperate attempt to gain some sort of control over his situation.

"She hung up pretty fast, I think she's on her way out here." Sam kept that air of 'I know what I'm doing' but no one was buying it.

"What did you tell her?"

Sam paused and pressed his lips together, it said enough but Jet waited with wide eyes all the same. A small part of him probably believing if he waited long enough Sam would just say he was kidding. Cas didn't quite understand Jet's situation with his parents, but he waited and listened all the same. It was a learning experience, a moment to know a bit more about Jet just by watching the scene unfold.

When no one interrupted him Sam sighed and dropped his head, "That you came into some money and ended up in the hospital because of it."

"She'd laugh at me if that's all you said." Jet called bullshit immediately, Sam didn't even have time to finish sighing.

"She did, then I told her that you lost a limb and that's when she demanded to know where you were." He rubbed the back of his head and turned away, "So uh… she's on her way here now. I think she'll be calling you soon."

Jet stared at him, silent and waiting for another second or two before he finally reacted. "Goddamn it, Sam!"

"What? I already said I thought you wanted her to know!"

"Guys," Cas tried to interject but they weren't stopping.

"Yeah I do but I should've told her! Since you did it she probably thinks I'm dying and now I either gotta lie to mom or tell the truth. If I tell the truth she's gonna whoop me; if I lie it'll be fine until she figures it out and then she'll whoop me anyway... but worse…" Jet frowned deeply and he sat down to think it over.

"I don't think it's that bad," Cas took the pause in their banter to speak, "I think she'll just be relieved that you're okay."

"The second she sees I'm okay I'm not gonna be okay anymore." Jet's certainty was making Dean laugh and Cas tried not to let that contagious giggle get to him.

"Cas is trying to make you feel better," Dean joined in once he caught his breath, a cough catching up to him seconds later. His fit changed the atmosphere of the room in an instant, it sounded like his lungs were trying to tear right through his throat. Each time he tried to inhale it wracked his body again and he hacked harder. Cas went to his side and tried to be there for him, though Cas really had no idea what that meant.

He could sit and give Dean a back rub, supportive hand on the shoulder, something to show he was there. But that was all he knew to do. Maybe that was all Dean needed, but it still left Cas feeling like a failure.

"Are you okay?" he asked after a few seconds of silence, Dean had his eyes squeezed shut and swallowed thickly a few times. Cas glanced up at the others then back at his boyfriend, "Dee?"

"I'm good," Dean croaked and took a slow breath, trying to calm himself. "It's okay, Cas."

Castiel smiled and kissed Dean's cheek, "If you say so."

"You sound like shit," Jet remarked as caringly as he could while also sounding as insensitive as ever.

"You say that every time I cough,"

"Well it's true every time you cough."

"You're getting a lot better," Cas reassured him and kissed his cheek, "Hang in there, okay?"

"No worries," Dean gave him a thumb's up, "I plan on hanging around for quite a while."

"Now what?" Charlie piped up, arms folded over her chest and a curious look aimed at Castiel. Michael looked at him too, he wasn't sure why.

"Well," Sam stepped up next to Cas, "I think we should tell the authorities now."

"What?" There was a resounding echo from everyone else in the room.

"Why?" Jet added, Cas noticed the odd movement of Jet's arm close to his body and recognized it as an attempt to cross his arms. Cas kept it to himself but there was a distinct twitch under Jet's eye, one that Jet tried to hide by showing anger toward Sam's idea. "What authorities are we going to tell? It won't accomplish anything."

"I think it will," Sam's patience was intact and he took Jet's tone with a grain of salt. Cas admired them, he couldn't wait to figure out his own dynamic with Dean. "We've already tried not doing that; and while I know you're more comfortable thinking we can keep doing this on our own, I think it's time we stop."

"Sam's got a point," Bobby added and looked at the others more seriously, "The things those people did was unforgiveable and most of 'em are gettin' away. I say we hand this over to the professionals and take it easy. You kids have done enough."

Jet opened his mouth to protest but he stopped when Desirae grabbed onto his pant-leg. He looked down at her, his expression softened and he knelt down. "What do you think, kiddo? Should we tell someone else about this?"

"Does that mean that they'll take care of it? So you guys don't have to go down there again?"

"Probably, yeah. We wouldn't be going back there anymore." Jet explained, Cas felt a pit in his stomach and he looked down.

"I'm not going back there, whatever we decide I'm not going back there." He felt their gazes on him; he only had the nerve to look at Dean. That gentle, warming smile made him feel better almost instantly, though he couldn't tell what the others were thinking yet.

"We're with you, Cas." Michael voiced his support first and Charlie nodded as she touched his arm.

"All the way, man."

Jet was looking at him when he decided to glance up, confusion was the first thing he recognized but that slipped into more understanding territory pretty fast. "Yeah alright," Jet sighed and sat down on the floor where Desirae could sit in his lap. "I guess we're done then, fight's over."

"Not necessarily," Sam brushed fingers through Jet's hair, shaking it out a little, "But you could use a break anyway."

Jet laughed, "Yeah, you're not wrong."

"A few of us could use a break," Dean added with a smirk. "I'm all for telling the authorities now."

"What do you think they'll do?" Charlie didn't sound too worried, more amused at the idea of a bunch of strangers encountering their nightmare. "Think they'll kill what's left down there?"

It hadn't occurred to Cas that that would be the outcome. He'd left one on the front lawn, a moment he'd lived purely based in an altruistic mindset. That one hadn't been angry or vicious; it didn't have a chance to be that way. It was so close to dying, maybe it'd already accepted its fate and that was why it didn't attack. The others still had some hope left in them, still enough energy to lose their minds at the small chance of freedom.

"Don't worry, we'll let them know that those things shouldn't be killed." Dean nudged Cas with his foot, since Cas was a little too far away to touch by hand. "People are louder about cruelty to other beings these days."

"Well then let's do it," Charlie clapped her hands and looked around the room to double check. "We're all on board?"

"One more thing," Dean cleared his throat for a moment, everyone waited for him. Cas appreciated that, he was sure he'd lose his temper if someone gave Dean shit for taking so long. Jet commented on how bad it sounded, but that was their friendship. Cas felt he'd know relatively quickly if someone was seriously messing with Dean. "I think that wherever we move to, we should all go together."

"I'm down," Jet was the first to react, no hesitation and Cas nearly audibly sighed in relief. It wasn't so much a secret from Jet though, dark eyes were angled Cas' way and he just smiled in return. "You know, 'cause it'd be good for Desirae to be around you."

"Yeah, absolutely." Cas nodded quickly and the others started to laugh. They all understood it wasn't Dean's request, he was just doing it for Cas but that was fine. Pretty much everyone agreed, except for Bobby.

"I'll be sure to visit," he chuckled, stroking his beard. "But I still have a house back in South Dakota."

"Oh," Cas looked at him sadly, "I guess you have a life back there."

"That I do, but I won't be a stranger." Bobby walked over and gave Cas' shoulder a squeeze; there was a knowing smile on his face. "Don't worry so much, Cas."

"I won't," he smiled then, too. It was okay, a sort of mantra he'd told himself for ages with the Winchesters. Even if in that moment it wasn't okay, it would eventually be.

Everyone else was onboard with it, living together in the same place for a while sounded like fun. Cas didn't know what kind of home they'd end up getting, he wasn't sure if he'd get a say in it or if they'd leave it to Jet and Sam. It didn't matter to him much; as long as Dean was around and his friends were close he could live comfortably.

The decision was made; they wouldn't go back to live at the mansion and the authorities would be clued into what had happened. Cas didn't want to be there for that, but he was certain there'd be more than enough questions for him to answer. However Sam decided to show an immense amount of kindness and stated he'd be the one to do the informing.

"You sure?" Dean furrowed his brow, taking that moment to test his limits without the oxygen mask on again. He was supposed to do it a few times a day, not for very long and he was instructed to sleep with the thing. Not that that ever really stopped Dean, but Cas was there to set him straight at least.

"Why, did you want to come with?" Sam smirked at his brother, "Don't worry about it, I'll tell them everything they need to know."

"I'll help," Charlie raised her hand, "I can show them how far I've gotten into the encrypted files."

"There are more files?" Jet asked indignantly, "I thought you cracked 'em all."

"There's a lot, and MacLeod didn't just leave it out for anyone to read. I'm not a wizard, I just know a few things." Charlie's cheeks flushed as she glowered Jet's way. "I didn't see _you_ hacking into anything."

"I never said I was a hacker."

"Neither did I!"

"I didn't say you were either. I just said I _thought_ you were better with computers."

"I swear I'll-"

"Okay, okay," Cas stepped in between them, "Chill guys, Jet stop antagonizing her."

"What!?" Jet looked up, "I wasn't! She started it."

"Seriously?" Sam crossed his arms and looked down at Jet.

"What?" He threw his arms up out of instinct, wincing when the left one moved. "Ow! Fuck, fuck, fuck fuck-"

Cas cringed and rubbed the back of his head as he watched Sam apologize profusely for causing that reaction. "Uh… okay… just stop arguing I guess."

"Deal," Charlie agreed.

"So… is Garth still here?" Cas hoped to change the subject.

"He does have a job," Michael was more than happy to take him up on that.

"Don't you?"

"I took a vacation very suddenly," Michael nodded, clearly proud of himself. "Still deciding on whether or not I'm going to go back to it or do something else."

"Something else. Something else." Cas chanted softly and Charlie quickly joined him.

"Can I tell authorities too?" Desirae asked and looked up at Jet who was getting over the fact that he'd just spooked himself with pain.

Jet didn't speak right away; instead he looked up at Sam again then at the others, namely Cas. "What do you guys think? Should she stay put?"

"C'mon," she whined and slumped against him, "I'll be with Sam, it'll be safe."

Jet sighed and knocked his head against hers, "That's not the point."

"She can come," Charlie stated firmly and Desirae almost immediately appeared at her side.

"For real!?"

"Yeah, why not?" Charlie smiled and glanced at the rest of the room, "I'll watch her, besides I think she'd be great proof."

"Plus I can tell them what I remember, then maybe they won't ask Cas so many questions." Desirae was eager to please but that comment didn't make Cas any more comfortable with the idea.

"I don't want you to answer more questions, I should be their focus." Cas took a careful breath and looked at Dean for a moment. "Maybe I should go too, then."

"What? Not without me, you don't." Dean frowned and Cas tried to calm him.

"It'll be okay, maybe this way I can be more objective and get it all out."

"And maybe you'll realize you wanted me there and it'll be too late. No way, you're going when I go." Dean gave a stubborn nod and seemed like that was that.

"Hold on, Dean. Maybe he should do this." Sam interjected and got a glare from his brother. "I know you want to protect him, but he needs to tell his story. Maybe he should do it on his own. Charlie and I are friends, we'll be there for support but we won't coddle him."

"Cas?" Michael cut in and got Cas' attention before Dean could react. "What do you think? Should you do this without us?"

"I don't want to do anything without you guys, but Sam makes a good point." He looked at Dean, "Do you really think I can't handle this, Dee?"

"No, no, that's not what I meant." Dean shook his head, "I… I'm not really sure what you need to do, okay? But I want to be there. I keep thinking of the worst case scenarios, imagining that you need me and I'm not there…"

Cas went to his bedside and nuzzled his cheek, Cas wasn't sure what to say but he could nearly feel the anxiety in Dean. Just the thought of Cas facing that alone was stressing Dean out and that was the last thing that any of them wanted. Dean had almost died very recently, it was fresh in Cas' mind and he couldn't imagine making Dean uncomfortable. Sure, that feeling was probably a novelty and would wear off, but he hadn't shaken it just yet.

"We can wait until you're let out," Sam suggested instead, his tone had lightened up too.

"Let's go as a group!" Jet spouted dramatically, "The more the merrier."

"I don't think they need all of us," Sam raised an eyebrow at him. "But I guess we all have a different part of the story to tell."

"Well they'll definitely want to hear Cas' version," Michael chimed in again, "They've heard mine a thousand times already."

Cas nodded, "Yeah, I'll be one of their focuses for sure, Desirae too. Jet inherited the property so they'll want to talk to him. Sam and Charlie know stuff about the computers and files…"

"I'm the leader, so they'll obviously want me." Dean laughed at himself.

"I'm co-leader." Sam added with a grin.

"Awesome, if we get arrested for anything I'll be sure to send them your way." Jet gave a thumb's up.


	84. Chapter 84

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright so it's a shorter chapter but it was so cute I couldn't help it. Sorry for the late upload, got some shit I've been working through so please be patient with me :) Take care, you guys

Dean found that the following few days would've been the worst part of the hospital visit, at least, if it weren't for Castiel. They'd weaned him off of the painkillers and he slept far less. There was daytime TV but it was never any good, boredom would've set in fast.

The others were encouraged to go elsewhere, Dean was the only one left in the hospital from their group and he was pretty sick of hearing how bored everyone was. Not to mention he would've preferred if Jet slept in a bed instead of waiting around for him to get out too. It wasn't easy to convince them, but Dean managed to whittle it down to just Cas staying the night, plus visitation by the others.

He was happy to have Cas with him. Cas didn't complain like the others, he sat quietly and smiled when Dean looked at him. He read books that Sam gave him when Dean was asleep and otherwise enjoyed the shitty TV selection.

"It's just us," Dean said after another checkup, it was late and the lights were out. No one else had been added to their room, Dean figured it was because of Cas' odd nature but he didn't say anything.

"It is," Cas agreed softly and looked up, the dim lighting almost seemed to glow around him. "How are you doing?"

"You stole my question," Dean smirked and reached over to take Cas' hand in his, "But I'm fine. My chest hurts a little bit, and my throat's raw."

"So… kinda like a really bad cold."

"I guess so," Dean laughed and held Cas' hand a little tighter. "I'm breathing better, doctor just told me it's looking good. I might not need to get an oxygen tank at all."

Cas smiled, a little sad but still happy to hear it. "That's good news, I hope they're right."

"Yeah. So what's going on in your head? You don't sleep much." Dean had been wondering for days already, it was about damn time he got a chance to ask properly.

Cas shrugged and looked down at their hands, his felt tense all of a sudden. "I'm worried about nightmares. I sleep well when I'm with you, though."

Dean smiled and gave a light squeeze, "I'm here to help you through, don't worry."

"Thanks, Dee." Cas leaned forward and kissed his cheek before nuzzling lightly. "So I noticed you're not tired right now either." It was a quick change in conversation but Dean didn't mind, he could tell Cas wasn't exactly up to the topic just yet.

"Nope, I've slept a lot lately, guess it caught up to me." Dean adjusted his position to sit up some more. He wanted to keep talking despite Cas' displeasure in such a serious topic, and by the sound of Cas' tone it was a mutual thought. Maybe Cas had something in mind, Dean figured asking wouldn't hurt "You got something you wanna do?"

"Well… want to play 20 questions again?" Cas smiled sheepishly and Dean almost laughed.

"For real? It didn't last all that long the last time we did it."

"Yeah, just stupid questions maybe. Something to get our minds off stuff." Cas' wings shifted and refolded another way, maybe shy or uncomfortable. Dean couldn't quite tell which, either way though he was more than happy to play games with Cas. "Sam gave me your phone charger, let's look up some questions to ask."

Dean couldn't say no to that face, Cas looked so happy as he played around with Dean's phone. "Alright, you start it off then."

"Okay, what's the best way to relax?"

"Put your feet up with a cold beer, watch some favourite movies or shows." Dean answered immediately; it didn't take any real thought processing. Though that was Cas' goal, so 'so far so good'.

"Yeah, that's a pretty good way, but nothing tops a joint."

Dean coughed and looked at Cas with wide eyes, "You smoked? I thought you were abducted at 18, when did you find the time?"

"I was a teenager, Dee. Of course I got my hands on something, just turned out that I had an easier time getting weed than beer." Cas sighed and leaned back in his chair, "Really could use a good toke or two right now."

"Gateway drugs, man I'm surprised you're not addicted to meth."

"I tried it one time, lost all my teeth."

Dean raised an eyebrow, "For real?"

"Yeah, MacLeod put them back in for me." Cas smirked after a moment, just long enough to make Dean question the truth in that statement. "Ohhh I got you!" Cas cheered with a quiet clap and Dean quickly shook his head.

"You almost had me, almost."

"Whatever you say."

"Gimme that," Dean snatched the phone away and scanned the question list, "Okay druggie, what's one food you'd never give up?"

"Hmmmm…." Cas' expression fell serious and he looked down, distantly pondering until he nodded shallowly. "Cheeseburgers."

"You had to think that long for cheeseburgers?"

"Shut up, I like a lot of things. What about you? I'm guessing pizza?"

"Nope," Dean shook his head with a grin, "Pie."

"Pizza's a kinda pie, I was sorta right."

"You're wrong, admit it."

"Alright, alright. What flavour?"

That one got him. Dean's brow furrowed and he found himself staring down at his blanket in thought, "I… oh that's a hard one. I guess apple. Yeah, that's my pick."

"Good choice." Cas took the phone back, "What compliment do you often get that doesn't have anything to do with your looks?"

"I'm fast," Dean smiled proudly, "I'm the best sprinter my school had; track and field was my best sport."

"Is it even a sport?"

Dean knew Cas was just poking fun but he still felt a little rustled. "Well, yeah. I mean why not? It involves running, sometimes a relay so you pass a baton. There are jumps, throwing stuff. How's that any different than another sport?"

"Okay, okay, I was just asking." Cas raised his hands to try a calming gesture toward Dean. "Well I was also complimented on my running, though I'm more long distance than a sprinter."

"Endurance is your thing, huh? That's cool too, I guess."

"You guess, huh?" Cas leaned forward onto the bed; looking up at Dean with that pretty smile Dean hoped he'd see every day.

Dean just shrugged in response and picked the phone out of Cas' hands, "Okay this is easy, dogs or cats?"

"I like both,"

"Pick one."

"Dogs, then. No wait, cats. No-"

"I get it, I don't really like either of them so-"

Cas slammed his hands down on the mattress, "What!? You don't like cats _or_ dogs?"

"Nah, more of a bird person," Dean smirked as he watched the slow rise of red in Cas' skin colour.

"Okay, you win this round."

"Didn't know it was a competition."

"It's not," Cas snatched the phone back dramatically. "Okay, maybe we can go a little deeper with these questions. How about… what are you proud of?"

Dean paused and looked around the room, as if it would give him an answer. What was he proud of? There were plenty of things, but what was good enough to tell Cas first? "Does this include people or just things I did?"

"You pick, surprise me."

"Okay, then it's a no-brainer. I'm proud of you, how far you've come is incredible to me." Dean couldn't get enough of watching Cas' face light up like it did, the blush deepened and Cas was close to losing eye contact.

"You're so cheesy… but thank you." Cas was bashful for a moment and had to turn his head away. "It was all thanks to you that I managed to get this far at all, so I think that's a valid thing to be proud of." He looked up again, finding the nerve to hold Dean's gaze again. "But I think you're aiming it wrong, you should be proud of yourself for helping me. I'm proud of myself, I really have come a long way and I'm not devaluing that in the slightest."

"I think I get what you mean," Dean reached over and took Cas' hand again, "But this isn't exactly getting our minds off of anything."

"Well, no I guess not." Cas leaned in and shared a short kiss with his boyfriend. "But it does tell me more about you, and that's kinda one of the most important things to me right now."

"Okay, I'm done with the phone questions," Dean leaned forward and kissed Cas back. It was warm, welcoming to someone stuck in a hospital bed. He let the background noise fade as his focus zeroed in on Castiel, completely and mentally aware of what was going on. Dean would've been lying if he said that Cas' kisses had stayed the same. With memories intact and all experiences in close mental proximity, Castiel was a phenomenal kisser.

Hands slipped through hair and skin flushed, the air felt heated and Dean lost track of how long they were connected at the mouth. He only realized his limitations as his breathing started to become more ragged. At first it was hot, he felt his heart rate increase and knew he wanted more of Castiel. Both of them were breathing heavily, fingernails starting to press a little harder and fingers pulling at hair.

But Dean found himself more breathless than he should've been. He gasped and Cas caught on almost immediately, the mask was over his face in seconds and he had to lie back down.

"Sorry," Cas whispered and Dean shook his head.

"It doesn't happen that often, don't worry about it." He sighed and closed his eyes, waiting to chill his lungs out and catch his breath. It took a minute or two but soon he could take the mask away again. "I should apologize to you for that."

"I don't mind a tease," Cas reassured him with a look Dean hadn't ever seen on Castiel's face before. It was captivating and baiting, a little tease of his own.

"Hey," Dean wasn't sure what else to do with himself, but there was something he'd been meaning to ask for a while. Cas just tilted his head and Dean continued, "Could you, uh… sing for me?"

Cas' eyes lit up a little and his smile spread into something more joyful than seducing. "Yeah? Anything you'd like to hear?"

It was nice to see Cas so happy to sing, Dean was really looking forward to hearing something. "I guess keep it softer or quiet so we don't get in trouble."

"Right, of course." Cas adjusted his seat, sitting upright and taking a deep breath to relax.

Dean waited and when Cas started singing he realized why Charlie had been so upset beforehand. Cas' ability was incredible; way beyond what Dean would've assumed him to have and far more refined than what it was without memories. Dean sat with his attention completely in Cas' field, listening intently as his partner sang him a gentle love song. It was a serenade and Dean felt unbelievably special to have received it.

As Cas finished Dean finally realized his own reaction had been obvious as hell. He'd stared with nearly sparkling eyes, reddened cheeks and an expression that gave away his admiration depths. Cas was smiling sweetly and very kindly didn't comment on Dean's demeanour.

"Would you like to hear more?"

"As long as you want to keep singing," Dean answered timidly, empathizing strongly with Cas' previous bashfulness.

"For you? All night."


	85. Chapter 85

"This is small…" Desirae muttered as she walked into the hotel room, shedding her sweater as soon as she got the opportunity. Jet followed her in and looked at the place, a very nice looking room with more amenities than any other hotel he'd been in.

"This place is awesome, what're you talking about?" He raised an eyebrow at her as she jumped onto one of the beds.

"It's small! It's like one sitting room mixed with two beds." She gestured to the whole suite and Jet kinda understood what she was getting at.

"Not used to anything but the mansion, huh?" Sam asked as he ruffled her hair, giving a light scratch behind her ears.

"No," she grumped and tried to fix her curls, "Other than my cage anyway."

"Well it's better than that, right?" Jet sat on the edge of her bed, helping her fix the damage Sam had caused before messing it up again.

They'd tried staying with Charlie who had gone to Michael's, but there weren't all that many options for sleeping. It only took one night for Sam to question the intelligence of letting his boyfriend sleep on a mattress on the floor. It took two nights to decide to move to a hotel instead. Jet didn't mind one way or the other; he was kind of in a shitty mood to begin with and everything hurt anyway. He would admit though that it hurt more sleeping on the ground than he thought it would.

There were no hard feelings about the move, Charlie said she'd catch them at the hospital in the morning and that was that. Jet looked forward to going back to see Dean and Cas, Dean was pretty close to being let go and it'd be nice to see him out of a hospital bed. Plus it put everyone in the same place again for a little while.

"I feel like leaving those two at the hospital was the best choice," Sam put their bags on the floor by the other bed, dropping onto it as soon as his arms were free.

"Charlie and Michael? I'm pretty sure Garth stops by-"

"Dean and Cas, you dork."

"Oh," Jet smiled sheepishly and shrugged, "Well yeah, of course."

"Are they gonna have kids?" Desirae perked up, "I heard that's what people do when they love each other."

"Well…" Sam's face scrunched up and he looked at Jet nervously, "That's not exactly how kids are born, Des."

She immediately frowned at him, "I know that! I mean adopting."

"Oh…" it was Sam's turn to be sheepish and Jet enjoyed every second of it.

"Yeah, Sam. Adopting."

"Shut up,"

Jet laughed and turned back to Desirae, "Maybe they will, but it'll take some time before they get to that point."

"Huh… well I bet they'd make good dads." She didn't seem all that fazed by the answer and hopped off the bed to go and look out the big window that took up most of the far wall. It was a decent view of the city; Jet silently reminded himself that she was smart and agile enough to not just fall off the balcony.

Sam looked at Jet for a second, an expression Jet didn't quite understand on his face. "Desirae, do you remember your parents?"

"No," she said nonchalantly, "I don't remember anything before being mixed with Cas' DNA. But that's okay, I don't need to meet them."

"How come?" Jet walked over and leaned against the balcony next to her, "You don't want to know where you came from?"

Her eyes didn't flinch and her expression remained calm as she shrugged, she really didn't seem to care. Jet gently touched her arm and she looked up at him, "Does it matter where I came from?"

He saw the hint of concern in her eyes then, flickering there like a flame ready to spread. He wanted to say that it didn't matter at all, but he knew that it did in some cases and to some people. He didn't want to step on toes or give a definitive answer because he knew that wasn't how the world worked. But Desirae wasn't just connecting normal life situations to that conversation.

"Well," Jet smiled and looked at her earnestly, "Medically speaking, sometimes it matters because different types of people can be more susceptible to different types of illnesses. But socially, that's up to you. I don't care where you came from or who you came from; but if you told me you wanted to know then I would care because it's important to you."

Desirae looked at him unchanging for a few seconds before her expression softened and she nodded confidently, "Okay, thanks dad." She moved and hugged his legs before he could get a chance to respond.

"You're welcome," he gently pat her head so as not to mess with her curls again. "Whattaya say we order room service and watch a movie or something?"

"Sounds good to me," Sam joined in and scooped Desirae up to hug them both, Jet nuzzled his face against Sam's neck.

"Awesome," he mumbled, relieved and happy he had Sam with him through all of that shit.

In no time at all it was late and everyone was in bed. They'd placed noise-cancelling headphones in Desirae's ears so she could sleep more soundly, it didn't deafen her but put her hearing at a normal level. It was Jet's idea and he was proud of it so Sam didn't even think to argue it.

Sam and Jet were lying in bed; the TV was on and playing infomercials quietly though Jet wasn't paying attention to them. He'd curled up against Sam and buried his face in the most easily accessible place he could, in that case it was just against Sam's chest but it did the trick. Sam's fingers slowly traced through his hair, just a silent, comforting touch to keep Jet calm. It worked and he found himself barely able to keep his eyes open.

Jet smiled to himself and pressed his cheek down a little bit harder as he adjusted his position to look up at Sam better. "I love you," he said softly and Sam smiled sweetly.

"I love you too."

"What do you think the cops will say when we go to them?" Jet asked quietly, hoping to keep it low so Desirae wouldn't wake up.

Sam shrugged and helped brace Jet; neither of them really trusted his new balancing abilities just yet. Jet didn't mind though, he appreciated the help from Sam. "They'll probably think we're crazy until we show them Cas and Des."

"I can't wait until it's all sorted," Jet decided to lie down again, less work for both of them. "I just want to find a new place, buy some cupcakes and move on with my life."

"That simple, huh?"

"Yeah." Jet said stubbornly, knowing full well it wouldn't be that simple. "Desirae can go to a school of some kind, you can start college, and I can go back and get a degree or something."

Sam hummed and kissed the top of Jet's head, "Alright, any other plans?"

"I don't know, once my arm heals all the way I'm getting a prosthetic." Jet looked at his stump, unable to bring up any emotion regarding it. "A good one. The best one."

"Sounds like a good plan to me." Sam was gentle whenever that topic came up, Jet didn't blame him either. It was a sensitive topic, it'd happened very recently and Jet still wasn't sure how he felt about it. Sometimes it made him angry or helpless, other times he didn't care at all and could deal with it one way or another. Moving was still a chore sometimes.

"Good night," Jet leaned up and left his boyfriend with a quick kiss. Sam returned it and adjusted alongside him until they were both comfortable. A click of the remote shut off the last light and silenced the room.

* * *

 

Jet flinched when he felt the small dip in the bed but decided not to move, he was safe because Sam was right there. Then there was whispering, Sam was talking to Desirae and Jet heard a distinct 'be quiet, he's sleeping.' It made him smile but he held still all the same, he didn't want them to think they'd woken him up at all.

"Can we go see Cas and Dean soon?" Desirae whispered as best she could with her morning energy, though it sounded more like a normal volume with a 'hushed' filter.

"Later," Sam was way better at it; Jet would barely wake from that on most days.

"But I'm bored and the sun's up already." She grumped and Jet felt her hand nudge his leg.

"Desirae," Sam's tone was scolding and her hand retracted.

"But he's already slept a lot."

"If he needs this much sleep then let him rest, we shouldn't push him yet." Sam sounded a little more comforting but Jet knew he'd just caught a glimpse of 'Dad Sam.'

While it was all very amusing he couldn't just let them argue about it, "It's okay," he mumbled and lifted his head, "I was already awake."

Sam didn't look at all convinced but Jet still received a good morning kiss. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah," Jet kissed Sam's cheek and started to stretch, "Gotta say, money makes a big difference on hotel experiences."

"Morning!" Desirae jumped onto Sam and carefully crawled over to Jet to give him a hug. Jet cradled her with one arm and grinned, as Sam had to catch his breath from the sudden pressure on his abdomen.

"Mornin' kiddo, you eat yet?"

"Nah," she knocked her head against his chin lightly, a small affectionate head-butt for him. "Sorry I woke you up."

"I was already awake," he lied and kissed the top of her head, "Let's grab breakfast on our way back to the hospital then."

"Sounds like a plan," Sam kissed the top of Jet's head too, mimicking what he'd just seen and getting a pretend-glare for his efforts.

The trio stopped by a McDonald's on their way, Jet's request to Sam's dismay.

"She's tiny, she shouldn't be eating this garbage."

"The McMuffin's have a real egg, what do you want from me?" Jet argued as he dug into the bag of junkfood, his knees holding it still for him. "It's just once, okay?"

"Yeah," Sam softened up and handed Desirae's share backward, "Try not to spill, Dean would kill me."

"Okie dokie," she half-heartedly promised, distracted by the smell of whatever it was she was about to eat. Sam would've insisted it wasn't food at all despite Jet's claims of 'real egg.'

There was a small crowd near the hospital again, people mostly lurking but trying to be discreet about it. Eyes watched the Impala as it pulled around, recognizing the old car as something involved with the winged guy. Jet groaned and looked back at Desirae, "Stay close to us, Rae."

She nodded and they all climbed out, Sam took over the main role of defender and broadened his shoulders, trying to look bigger. Jet held Desirae's hand and hoped they could get inside without any issues.

"Guys!" Charlie called from the front door and waved excitedly, Garth was at her side waving a little more animatedly than she was. But just a little. Bobby was there too but he didn't do anything more than tip his hat.

Sam got them to the door, glaring down the few that dared to attempt an approach. "What's going on, Charlie?" he asked as they got into the air-conditioned building, his facial features shifting back to his usual kind look.

"What took you guys so long? We've been here for like two hours." She poked a little fun and Jet tried to shoo her away.

"Bug off, I was sleeping in." He grinned and looked down at Desirae, "More or less, anyway."

"You said you were already awake." Rae stuck her tongue out at him and he just laughed.

"I was, but I still slept in." Jet looked up to see Cas and Michael walking over to them, "Dean in a test again?"

Cas shook his head, "Not quite," he moved his wing and Dean was standing behind him.

"They said I'm good to go," Dean grinned and Jet couldn't think of anything else to do but go and hug his best friend. One armed or not, it was still an emotional moment and goddamn it he needed to express that.

"So where's your oxygen tank?" Jet joked as he backed off, giving Dean a light tap on the shoulder.

"Don't need it," Dean lifted a large white bag, "Filled this with prescription drugs, painkillers and refills for my inhaler."

"He's _also_ got a small oxygen tank for emergencies, it's temporary." Cas added and gave Dean a peck on the cheek.

"So you're okay then?" Jet confirmed again in disbelief, "You're out of here, that's it?"

"Yeah, got a few check ups here and there, return the tank, but otherwise we're good." Dean gave a thumb's up, a gesture that Castiel copied immediately.

"Well shit, let's get you out of here then." Jet felt his spirits lifting; it was great to see Dean up and about again. He even felt like he could take on some of those lurkers in the parking lot. If any tried to get their hands on Rae or Cas he'd get to see how well he could handle himself. Though in a group it would probably be pretty easy.

Sam handed over the keys to the car, "What do you wanna do first?"

"Eat, let's go." Dean snatched up the keys and headed out the door.


	86. Chapter 86

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry for the delay. Been having some trouble with my computer. Anyway I got some time on a different computer so here's chapter 86! Wow so many o.o and you're still here! You guys rock

Their team stood together facing the officer at the front desk, his eyebrow raised and, behind him, his superior officer's brow furrowed. Dean nudged Castiel who careful removed his trench coat and spread his wings as proof of their claims. Desirae let go of Jet's hand and took off her over-sized hoodie, quickly taking up Jet's hand again as soon as she could.

Everyone in the vicinity was staring, Dean touched Cas' arm just in case his boyfriend was getting uncomfortable. It didn't seem to be necessary though, Cas smiled confidently at him and looked ahead waiting for a verdict of some kind.

"So," Dean smiled as convincingly as he could, "Can we tell our story?"

"I seriously can't believe it," the man at the desk scoffed light-heartedly and looked back at his superior.

"I'd heard rumours about sightings of a winged-man and cat child but…" she looked between Cas and Rae a few times, "Okay, well we're gonna need to get some rooms set up. And some officers to take down your stories, would you all mind taking a seat in our waiting area?"

"Yeah, totally." Dean took charge and looked at the others who all started over to the seating space. Cas' wings folded back down and as he fell in line beside Dean Cas looked at him curiously.

"What are we supposed to say, exactly? I mean I get that there's the basic story but-"

"Everything you think is important," Dean didn't want Cas to worry himself by going in circles, Dean could sense a downhill prattling coming on.

Cas' eyes scanned his for a moment and then nodded, "Okay, important. I can do that."

"Don't be so nervous," Dean nudged Cas' arm and watched the way Castiel looked down shyly.

"I've never really spoken to the police… I guess I'm just scared."

"They're on our side, don't worry about it." Dean reassured him and heard a soft scoffing sound from Jet. "Most of the time," he added with a glance to his friend.

"The good ones are on our side," Jet reiterated with a comforting look at Cas and Desirae, "Should be fine here, don't worry about it."

Cas shared another look with Dean, his shoulders lowering a little in relaxation. "I think I can handle this," Cas uttered and sat down. Dean could see the ways Castiel shifted and glanced around while they waited, even going so far as to bounce one leg up and down.

"Cas," Dean touched Cas' knee and saw a small flash of blue light. "Babe, it's okay."

Castiel's face calmed almost instantly but the stress didn't seem to leave him. "I can't help it," he whispered and leaned forward, closing in on himself. "I keep thinking that… what if something goes wrong? What if they kidnap me like they do in the movies? What if the government wants to do more experiments on me?"

"They won't," Sam got up from his seat and knelt down next to Castiel, "You're a citizen, Michael has your birth certificate with him, and there are people here who can attest that you are human. All of our stories dictate that you're a victim, not a monster. They can't treat you like that, there are laws in place to protect you so don't worry."

Dean smiled and watched the exchange between his family members, there were subtle changes in expression and eye contact that Dean wasn't part of but he understood it. Cas took Sam's hand and squeezed it, a teary eyed smile had taken over his features.

"Thank you, Sam."

"Anytime," Sam smiled wide and held Cas' hand firmly, clasping the other hand over top.

"We've got you," Michael touched Cas' shoulder gently and Cas dropped his head against his brother's hand.

"I appreciate it, thank you."

"It'll be okay," Desirae hopped into his lap and hugged him, "If I can do it so can you!"

Cas laughed softly, "But you're so much tougher than me."

"Yeah, but I'm little. You got this."

"There you are!" A familiar voice sent a jolt down Dean's spine and he looked up to see Jet's mom stalking over to their group from the door. He immediately looked over at Bobby who shrugged sheepishly.

"She called me this morning, I told her where we'd be."

Dean didn't really blame her for being mad, or Bobby for telling her where they were. Nikki Tull could be a very intimidating woman, even over the phone. It was even worse for Bobby, she was his neighbour, she knew where he lived.

Jet flinched, took a deep breath and stood up as she reached him. "Hey," he said timidly, trying to sound confident and failing.

Nikki's anger faded fast as soon as she saw his state and her expression fell, she looked him up and down a few times without the ability to speak again. "What… what happened to you?" She reached up but stopped before touching his arm, "Oh my god…"

"Well, it's a long story," Jet looked down at it too and grimaced, "Uhm…"

"Oh…. My baby," Nikki covered her mouth as the realization really started to settle in. Dean looked away and down at Sam who was also keeping his eyes down. They'd known Jet and his mom for the same amount of time, she was tough on them just like she was with her own son and Dean really started to regret not telling her anything. He'd told Bobby but that was all he'd thought to do.

"Mom," Jet's voice was gentle and trying to be reassuring. Dean heard a few steps and a soft grunt from his friend; he glanced back to see Nikki with her arms around her boy and face pressed against his shirt. Dean could see by the impression her arms left on Jet's torso that her grip was strong. Jet put his arm around her and left the moment as it was for several long-lasting moments. It was heavy; Dean could feel it and he didn't know what to say.

Castiel stepped up to them after a minute or two had gone by. He was quiet for a few seconds, watching them and sharing a look with Jet. "Ms. Tull?" He started hesitantly and she stepped back from Jet to see who was addressing her.

Her eyes widened a little when she saw him, scanning Castiel a few times and trying to make sense of him.

"Ma'am, I'm very sorry," Cas continued regardless of what she might've been thinking.

"Why are you sorry?" Jet furrowed his brow before Nikki could say anything, "Cas, you didn't do shit, what are you talking about?"

Cas faltered and he shook his head, "I feel like it's my fault, those things were… well they have part of me in them, so I thought-"

"Shut up," Jet said sternly and walked away from his mom to face Castiel. "Are you trying to say that the part of you in them is what made them try to eat me?"

"No."

"Are you saying you think that _you're_ a monster?"

Cas shook his head again.

"Look, I get you feel you need to take some control and responsibility for all this shit. I get it, really. But what happened to me was all me, no one else is going to take any sort of shit for that." Jet's voice had a harsh edge to it but he wasn't attacking anybody. "I'm the one that messed up and scared Rae. I'm the one who went into the basement without getting medical help first. _I_ decided to keep going when I saw part of the basement was open and it was me that put my fucking arm into that thing's mouth."

"We're not going to blame you," Cas tried to retaliate but Jet didn't back off.

"If you guys don't want to blame me for this then point fingers at MacLeod and leave it alone." He looked around at the rest of the room, mostly at the ones who tried to take the blame for him at one point or another

"Why did you put your arm into some thing's mouth?!" Nikki found the words to respond, her tone was somewhere between baffled and angry.

"To save me," Desirae put her hand up and Nikki saw her for the first time.

Jet smiled sheepishly as his mom stared at Desirae and then him again. "We're sorta… adopting her." He admitted and Dean wasn't sure Nikki could process half the things she was hearing anymore.

"We?" Nikki managed and glanced over at the next person's raised hand, Sam smiled at her the same way Jet did.

"We're dating now," Sam added and Nikki had to take a moment and stare at them all.

"I'm Desirae," she hopped up and went to take Jet's hand, still a bit nervous about a new face but comfortable with her dad nearby.

Nikki couldn't help but smile and wipe away forming tears. "Hello sweetheart," she was captured by the look of the little feline child, her heart melting more the longer she looked. "Has my idiot been taking care of you okay?"

"Yeah," Desirae smiled fondly and kicked at the ground a little, "Dad's been really amazing."

That was enough to make Nikki go over to see Desirae a bit closer, she knelt down and looked the little girl in the eyes. "You can call me grandma."

Desirae lit up and looked up at Jet who could only grin back at her. She let go of his hand and went to hug her new grandmother, Dean could tell Jet was extremely proud of his mom for that move. Sam looked relieved too, Dean was pretty sure that Sam wasn't looking forward to arguing with Nikki about anything involving Desirae. It was a relief to know that he wouldn't have to, Nikki was very accepting of such a strange little girl as her grandchild.

"You can come with me, mom." Jet said after the two were done getting acquainted for the moment. "They're going to question us all about what happened, so if you wanna hear my part of the story then-"

"Oh you better believe I'm gonna hear your part of the story, and then some." Nikki wagged her finger at him and Jet shrunk a little out of respect.

Dean made the mistake of laughing and Nikki turned that same finger on him, "You too, young man. Don't you dare think you're getting out of this one."

"No ma'am," Dean straightened up, wishing he could glare at Jet for the snickering he heard.

A man in uniform about Dean's height walked over to them, he looked up from a clipboard with steely eyes and scanned them. "You must be the ones," he said decidedly and lowered the board, "I'm Captain Grant Stevens, we'll be taking a few of you at a time so if Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Jethro Tull and Castiel Novak could come with me."

"We'll be in different rooms?" Cas asked and Grant nodded.

"My name's Nikki Tull, I'll be joining my son." Nikki stepped forward and Stevens agreed to let her, Dean wasn't too surprised by that either.

Jet looked at Desirae, "Stay here, kiddo. We'll be right back."

"It'll be my turn soon," She stated proudly, "So don't tell my parts, okay?"

Jet chuckled and kissed the top of her head, "Sure thing."

Dean took Cas' hand and caught his boyfriend's eye, "You going to be okay?"

Cas shrugged with a less than convincing smile, "We'll see I guess."

"C'mon," Dean pulled Cas into a hug and kissed his cheek, "It'll be fine, I swear."

Cas sighed heavily and nodded, "Yeah, you're right." He held tightly to Dean and kissed him back, "I love you."

"I love you too." Dean ruffled Cas' hair and started to lead him after the Captain. He watched Cas go into one of the four rooms, his stomach twisted and he tried to calm it again. He knew it'd be okay, there was nothing they could do legally. Part of him expected every similar movie plot to kick him in the face at once, maybe there'd be a high speed car chase as he tried to catch the armored truck that held Cas inside or something.

But the rest of him held onto logic and the hope of good will. He didn't want any of that to happen, he just wanted to tell his story and give the reigns to the police. He didn't want to go into that basement again. He didn't want to deal with those things and he definitely didn't want Castiel to have to fight anymore.

"Mr. Winchester," another officer smiled kindly at him, "Name's Donna Hanscum, nice to meetcha."

Dean felt his nerves slowly letting go as he sat down, Grant had closed the door behind him. "Hey Donna," he felt his chest tighten and quickly went for his inhaler, the last thing he wanted was to experience how bad it could get if he didn't take any medication.

"So, I hear you've got quite the story to tell," she was chipper and getting her notepad ready, a pen in hand.

"I do," Dean took a deep breath to calm himself down, starting to understand why Cas had been so antsy. He hadn't really had extensive talks with the police either. "Where do you want me to start?"

"Whatever you'd say the beginning was."


	87. Chapter 87

The four sat in separate rooms, each fidgeting in their own way. Dean drummed on the table, Sam averted eye contact and glanced around the room as if it were anything but boring. Castiel's leg shifted anxiously and bobbed up and down to try and shed some of his nervous energy, and Jet chewed at the inside of his cheek until his mother smacked his arm to get him to stop.

Three of them were ready to tell nearly the same story, Castiel on the other hand had a few more details than the others that he'd have to share.

"So…" Dean stopped tapping his fingers on the table and took another extended inhale, "Okay, so it started with me, my brother Sam, and our friend Jet. We all lived together, two of us going through college and Sam was almost done with high school."

"During the summer I worked for a guy, MacLeod." Jet told his officer, "He was loaded and paid me really well for the yard and house work I did for him. It's why I didn't mind that he was a bit of a creep, y'know?"

"MacLeod was always weird," Sam crinkled his nose at the thought, "Jet would go there every day, even on weekends if MacLeod called. His dress code for Jet was to be shirtless, it was so gross."

"Well MacLeod died," Dean knew some more details behind that but he kept those to himself. No sense in throwing Cas under the bus for anything that happened while he was under MacLeod's medication. "And for some reason he left everything he had to Jet."

"We were thinking it's probably because Jet was his favourite or something," Sam cringed a little harder, the look of disgust not getting any better. "I mean, that's what I was thinking anyway. If the other guys know why then they didn't tell me anything about it. Knowing what we know now, I guess maybe it's because MacLeod felt guilty?"

Jet looked at his mom and then back to the officer, "I still can't believe that money is mine, I mean really! The dude had a creepy crush on me or something but leaving me all that shit? I still don't get it." He looked down at the paper his officer scribbled on, "Oh and I don't have MacLeod's Will or anything, but it should be in there if you need proof."

Sam looked away thoughtfully, quiet for a few moments. "Jet might be a Tull but to us he's always been a Winchester, we're all pretty close. He didn't think twice about it, according to him all of us inherited that money and we were all going to move together."

"We found out that asshole didn't just own the house in town but also a mansion on the outskirts, west side." Dean traced on the table to emphasize just where he meant, it wasn't terribly informative. "Tons of land and all of it left to Jet; we decided we needed to investigate it immediately."

"It was beautiful," Jet's eyes lit up like he was seeing it for the first time again. "Going from a shitty apartment to a mansion was crazy. The entrance was huge, stairs to the other floors right there, a grand hall right in front of you. There were doors all over the place, I had no idea what to look at first and they didn't either. We split up."

"While I was checking out the bedrooms and Jet discovered our pool, Dean found something else." Sam furrowed his brow as he reached the darker detail. "It was a steel door, reinforced and made to look like the others."

Jet snickered, "This isn't really important, but Dean tried to break it down by running into it. Was pretty funny to watch."

"It looked _exactly_ like the others," Dean recalled, his hand on his chin, "It was locked, luckily the keys we were given had the right one on it. Makes me wonder why it'd be on the set, I guess MacLeod didn't exactly see all this coming. Didn't get a chance to hide it or something."

"There was a huge lab down there," Sam continued with growing intensity, "The main area had a wall dedicated to monitors that were all switched off. There were computers and a lot of equipment, stuff we still don't really know about."

"My first instinct was to look at the centerpiece, it reminded me of control panels from old sci-fi movies." Dean spread his arms out, "It was this long and full of buttons, right in front of all the display screens. It was kinda hard not to push one right away."

"I expected Dean to push the first button," Jet furrowed his brow as he pictured it, "but it was Sam. He turned on all the monitors and it showed a bunch of cages and areas that we couldn't see at that point. We could tell that there were animals of some kind being kept in there, though."

"Then we saw that one of the things in those cages was human," Dean's gaze became more distant, "I can't remember now, but I think that might've been Cas… There was another door at the far end of the room, Sam figured that the cages were that way."

"I had to check it out," Sam shook his head helplessly, "We saw a person, how could I not?"

"Dean went right after him," Jet rolled his eyes, "Neither of them stuck around to watch the cameras longer than a few seconds. I saw the lights turning on and let me tell you, there were some _ugly_ motherfuckers in there. Those things weren't friendly and some looked like they could kill you in a fucking second. Sam and Dean are both idiots."

"Right away there were glass cells on either side of the walkway, there were animals in the first ones so I kept moving." Sam recalled, "I remember going to the right at the first split, there were three directions."

"Sam got away from me and it was really dark in there. There was a fork in the path so I went straight ahead," Dean frowned, "I later figured out that Sam didn't go that way."

"That section of the basement was all cages and not really laid out very well," Jet added, "I don't think it was planned to become as big as it was."

"I learned that the right path led to a dead end," Sam stated simply, "Just a bunch of cages all the same, so I circled back and went to the left one instead. Same thing."

"It was scary as hell down there, I never would've gone if Sam weren't an idiot." Dean grumbled angrily, "There was another set of stairs going down even further, I don't really know how deep that basement was."

"Don't get me wrong, I love those two like family," Jet said slowly, his eyebrows raised as he nodded, "But they're the dumbest people I know. I still can't get over the fact that they both wandered around down there alone. The first time I was down there I got chills, man."

"Yeah it was creepy," Sam shrugged and leaned back, "But I wasn't all that worried. I mean I figured those things were all stuck in their cages that long, they weren't gonna get out anytime soon."

"Dean's the dumbest one of the two of them," Jet continued with a disapproving shake of his head. "He went ahead and fucking opened one of those things."

"It was the only one shaped like a dome, it was lit up and looked special. Even had the name 'Castiel' above the door." Dean's hands got a little twitchy and he drummed his fingers lightly on the table again. "I saw human legs sticking out of a hole of some kind, like a little cave or something. I felt sick but I couldn't just walk away from that, so I opened it."

"I'm glad Dean did it." Sam smiled, hoping to emphasize the good nature of that simple action. "A lot happened because he did, and he could've died, but I'm really happy he did it."

Dean was quiet again, his mouth tugged up in a curious smile, "Next thing I knew, I met Cas."

* * *

 

Castiel looked up at his assigned officer, a man who said his name was Victor Henriksen.

"Beginning, huh?" He spoke slowly as his mind was already leagues ahead of him. What counted as the beginning? What did he see as the start to all of the things that happened? He didn't really know but he decided to start talking all the same, if there were past events he needed to explain he'd have to jump around his timeline a little bit.

"As a teen I worked for a man named Fergus MacLeod, he hired me during the summers and some weekends. He was always a little off but never more than in a weird way. I thought him odd but I left it at that, he was pretty old and could've been going senile or something. I was taught not to think ill of the unwell."

Cas paused and watched his officer write, the man was quiet but seemed nice. He smiled a little nervously and Victor glanced up at him.

"It's okay, you can keep talking while I write." He reassured and Cas nodded.

"Right, sorry. I just- I don't know how this all works." He stumbled through the words and Henriksen raised a hand to try and calm him.

"Let me worry about that," his tone was gentler than it was at first, a small change but Cas still heard it. He looked at Victor for a few seconds and realized that animosity wasn't present at all in this man, at least not as far as Cas could tell.

"Okay," he finally sighed and attempted to relax in his chair, "Thank you."

Victor nodded and gestured for Cas to continue.

"MacLeod started getting weirder and for the most part I tried to excuse it one way or another. Michael and Charlie- uh, my brother and best friend- kept telling me that I should find new work, Charlie found it weirder than Mike. I didn't listen though, I barely had to work and still made more money than my brother did. I couldn't pass that up.

Victor glanced up at him, "How often did you work?"

"Every day for a few hours during the summer, and some weekends during the school year."

"And what did Michael do?"

"Worked full time at Biggerson's." Cas watched the little hint of Victor's understanding in his eyes, it sounded like a good deal. Too good to be true, as usual. "I graduated and summer started again, MacLeod wanted me to work for him and I was willing. I wanted to go to college so I needed quite a bit of money in that short amount of time. In the first week…" Cas stalled and felt a pit in his stomach growing.

Victor waited for him but Cas couldn't find the words. "You went missing during that time."

"I did." Cas nodded and took a long, slow breath. "He kidnapped me. MacLeod abducted me and I woke up in a place that looked medical but not sanctioned. They drugged me. A lot." He closed his eyes and tried to relax his rapid heartbeat.

"Who's 'they'?"

"I don't know, I don't remember. I was very drugged for majority of the time anyone was around me, they knew I'd try to leave. I remember there was more than just MacLeod, he spoke to people but I didn't see them when I was conscious." He knew he'd just started talking, he knew he could go into details about some of the experiments. But did he really have to? Was it important?

Just say what he thought was important. That's what Dean told him, that's what he needed to do. They could read about the experiments done, he didn't need to go into detail about it all.

"I don't know about all of the things they did, or if they abducted a lot of others. I know MacLeod was working on human-animal chimeras." He motioned back to his wings, "Hence these."

"Do they work?" Victor asked suddenly, sounded more like a curiosity than a serious question.

"They do," Cas smiled and moved them slowly, he didn't want to blow anything off the table. "I can fly with them, even carry another person with me while I go. MacLeod also enhanced my senses, I'm stronger than I should be, and… he cloned me."

"There are clones of you?"

"There are. They were tests a lot of the time, a check to see if I could be enhanced further. I can't remember what they were like before, but now they're like monsters. They've been starved, left alone for a long time with nothing but their thoughts…"

"So there are more of them, then."

"Yeah, most of them are dead now but there are a few left deep in the basement." Cas fidgeted and grabbed onto the hem of his shirt, "They're dangerous, so if anyone goes there they should be very careful."

"Are those the reason you and your friends were hurt?"

Cas wasn't surprised that they knew about the hospital visit, most people did since it was probably online. "They tore off Jet's arm and poisoned my boyfriend. I needed stitches. Charlie hit her head."

Henriksen nodded and jotted it down, Cas stayed quiet for a bit. "I'm sorry, this must be difficult for you."

"It is, but I'd like to get it done." Cas said determinedly, he could feel sweat beading on his forehead and he clenched his fists.

"It's alright to take a break, Castiel."

"I don't want to." He was stubborn, shaking his head. "I can't recall the parts where I was drugged, I don't know the details of the experiments, but I know what I felt. I know there were hand-made drugs given to me, they altered my memories and shut them down. I was like an animal that slowly grew the mind of a human infant. I learned things slowly, I understood things pieces at a time but only barely." He clenched his jaw next and inhaled sharply.

"I was in a cage. I was always in the same glass dome, it had a dirt floor in most of it and I had a small tunnel I could hide in. It was big enough to fit me and my wings, but still cozy and warm enough to sleep in. I was alone in there, my cage wasn't a vantage point. I couldn't see any others, no other cells were near mine. The only living things I saw were MacLeod and my own clones, and even then MacLeod didn't often show his face to me.

"It was my own face that I saw, over and over again. It attacked me with new weapons, new mutations. I had to kill it, again and again. I killed myself every week, sometimes more than once. I saw my own reflection and could tell that it was really me, I'm glad I could keep that much sorted."

Cas stared down at the table, he knew that his story was all over the place, he knew it didn't make a lot of sense and they'd need to go to the labs themselves to understand. But that didn't matter to him. It was how he remembered it, it was what came to mind when he tried to imagine what to say.

"Dean found me," he whispered after a few moments of silence. "I was alone for a long time. MacLeod was getting sick so he didn't work as often, I didn't go for any experiments in that time. I was alone with myself, me and my reflection and no food. I was going crazy but I was also at peace. Part of me was ready to die in there, but then the door opened. Dean let me out, he fed me and kept me safe." His voice cracked as he muttered the last few sentences, tears slipping down his cheeks. "If it weren't for them I'd be dead; my brother never would've known what happened to me, my best friend would look for me until she gave up or died trying… I owe them, I owe Dean my life."

The room fell silent again and Victor took that time to finish writing what he could. "I think we should take a break."

Cas finally agreed, a shallow nod to show it. "Can… someone be in here with me?"

Victor looked at what he had written down, he only took a moment to consider before responding. "Of course, anyone that's not already being questioned."

Cas thought about it for a second as Victor was getting up, "Can you get Charlie?"

"I will, rest for a little bit."

"Thank you." Cas leaned back and closed his eyes.


	88. Chapter 88

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! Hope everyone enjoyed the recap chapters because they were a lot of fun to write out!
> 
> I made the rest all in this chapter because I didn't want to drag out this sort of thing. Nothing 'new' happens after the first Cas section, but there's some amusing dialogue.

"You okay?" Charlie sat down next to him and Castiel nodded quickly.

"I'm fine," he reassured her with a smile, "I would just feel better with someone in here, too."

"I totally get it," Charlie gave him a thumb's up and leaned back in her chair, "Where in the story are you at?"

"All over the place, every time I think of one thing I have to explain another so it'll make sense. And so on until I've gone in a circle." He sighed and rubbed at his temple, "I've tried focusing, Dee told me to just say what I thought was important but it all seems important. And at the same time none of it is, you know?"

She nodded with a soft hum, "I think I understand, maybe it'll be easier with me here."

"That's what I'm hoping," Cas laughed and looked up as the door opened. Victor walked in with a reassuring nod their way. "Is everything alright?" Cas had to ask, Victor had placed a black box on the table and it made Cas uneasy.

"Everything's fine," Victor said calmly, "This is a recording device, I'd like to ask you if it's okay that I record what you say from now on?"

Cas paused and looked at Charlie who nodded, "I guess it's okay."

"Please say yes or no."

"Yes."

Victor seemed pleased with that and turned it on, "Okay, so to make sure we have this straight I'm going to get you to restate a few things for me."

"Alright," Cas fidgeted with his fingers a little, Charlie subtly moved her chair closer to his so her shoulder was touching his shoulder. It was a small gesture but they used to do that when they were in high school. It was a symbol that stated 'I'm here with you, you aren't alone.' Cas exhaled steadily and readied himself for the memory digging he'd end up doing.

"Castiel Novak, our records say you went missing mid summer in 2011. Could you give some insight on that?"

"Uh, yeah…" Cas found it easier to go through a second time, a little more coherent and straightforward. He recounted the basics of his kidnapping, MacLeod's terms, payment, and declining mental state. With Charlie next to him the whole time he could say it all so much easier.

"So then you don't know who else was involved," Victor reiterated after Cas went through the same thing he'd already said before their break.

"I don't," Cas glanced at Charlie who lit up a little bit.

"Oh! But the computers in the basement would have that kind of information," She looked at Victor who jotted it down. "There are a lot of files, too much to go through for one person. I decrypted some of them but there's a lot more. We got videos, experiment notes, plans, blue prints, and that's just the little bit I could figure out."

"So MacLeod has everything documented?" Victor raised a curious eyebrow; Cas would dare to say the man's expression was hopeful.

"That's what it looks like," Charlie nodded and looked at Cas who did the same.

"They recorded pretty much everything, I don't think he wanted to lose any of his work in case something went wrong."

"That's good news," Victor did some more scribble on his notepad, "Means we probably won't need to ask you these questions more than just today."

"I like the sound of that," Cas chuckled and leaned his elbows onto the table, wings shifting agitatedly. He did his best to relax them but it wasn't working so well, he didn't really want them to droop onto the floor. "It should also cover what I can't remember."

"I hope you weren't feeling bad about that," Victor looked up, his eyes dark but caring all the same. Cas shrugged sheepishly and the officer just shook his head, "It's not your fault, Castiel. You're the victim in this scenario, it'd be different if you'd drugged yourself."

Cas choked on a laugh when this very serious man wriggled his eyebrows at him, "I didn't do that, I promise."

"Good, then you have nothing to worry about."

He wasn't sure if it was because Charlie was with him, or if maybe he just hadn't noticed the first time around, but Cas really liked Victor Henriksen. There was a stern but kind look to him, the more Cas recognized it the safer he felt.

"After MacLeod died no one showed up in the facility," Cas continued once Victor was ready again. "The drug he'd created to leave my mind a mess and malleable was wearing off, I didn't get any new doses. I started to realize things, have conscious thoughts of my own. They were still messy and really difficult to use, but I could think again. I remember realizing for the first time that I was alone, realizing I was in a cage, that no one was coming. I understood that I was hungry and, after a few days in there, I knew I might die."

Charlie touched his hand and he held on for support, maybe some reassurance too.

"As I was sure I wouldn't make it, the door opened. Dee walked in and… I don't know, it's hard to explain. I can't say I trusted him, though I didn't distrust him that much either. I remember liking his scent…" Cas furrowed his brow, digging to recall the portion of his memory that was so blurred and incoherent.

"When you say Dee, are you referring to Dean?"

"Oh, yeah that's what I've been calling him." Cas wasn't sure why but he felt a little silly saying so. Maybe because Dean was already easy to say. "I couldn't pronounce his name, at the time I couldn't speak and saying 'Dee' was all I could do." He took a moment to collect himself and continue. "Dee's voice was the first kind thing I'd heard in so long, in fact his were the first words I understood. He said 'It's okay, I'm here.'" Cas smiled to himself, it was a memory that he didn't want to lose. "I guess curiosity was what defined my actions at the time, considering what my clones were like."

"What were your clones like?"

"Violent. They attacked almost immediately, always vicious and hungry. I did run into one that was dying. It had starved and was docile, didn't try to hurt me at all. I think… I think I was treated better than my clones were." He found himself stumbling through thoughts he'd tried to ignore for a while; he hadn't wanted to think about a lot of those things. "They were agitated all the time, I never saw signs of intelligence as far as I can remember. At least, except for the starving one."

"What happened after you met Dean?"

* * *

 

"Cas couldn't talk or understand me, it took a few tries to get him to do things." Dean told Donna. "It was like talking to a human who had the mind of a dog."

"Cas hated me at first," Sam had to laugh at that, "Dean was his favourite indefinitely, probably because Dean had granola bars in his pocket. That's my bet."

"So Dean and Sam come out of those shady-ass doors with this brand new human-hybrid named Castiel." Jet recalled dramatically, fluent arm gestures and all. "Might I just add that they had no idea what Cas could do or whether or not he was as vicious as the other things down there."

"He kinda liked Jet, actually." Sam added with a pinched brow, "But Jet had a granola bar in his pocket too. I never asked them why they did that…"

"I remember everything scared me," Cas said more comfortably, "Every smell, every new feeling beneath my feet, but especially new people. Dee was the only one I really felt safe around, I tolerated Sam being there but Jet was loud."

"Jet kept calling Cas a kid or a dog," Sam continued, "If Cas understood him I bet he wouldn't have liked Jet at all. Regardless, we decided to leave since Cas was the only human-type thing we found."

"I never would've guessed the place was as big as it is," Dean shook his head, his gaze distant as he stared at Donna's notes. "We were just looking around, I didn't really expect it to be what it was. I mean, animal hybrids are one thing but human experiments? Cas was on a whole other level. I had no idea how to handle him, I just knew I needed to help him."

"I can't imagine what Dean must have been going through," Cas laughed a little, "I was a walking disaster; I made weird noises at him and my eyes glowed when I was scared. I was weird, he didn't know a damn thing I said and I was making my best guess at him right back. It's a miracle we made it this far."

"I swear I was the only one who gave a shit that Cas was naked the whole time," Jet frowned, "Dean was big on feeding him, Sam wanted to understand him, that's all fine and good. But seriously, pants. Pants was all I asked for."

"I'm pretty sure the first thing Cas did when we got out of the basement was run." Dean said, "I don't blame him, but it was a bitch trying to find him again."

"Freedom. That's what I felt when I walked out of that basement and no one stopped me from going anywhere." Cas reminisced with a sweet smile, "Dee was right there with me, making sure I was safe. I couldn't help myself, I had to do something other than sit in a cage."

"Living in town was out of the question," Sam shook his head, "Cas wouldn't do well there. None of us were really prepared to move all of a sudden but that was we decided. The mansion wasn't anyone's first choice."

"I wanted a place in town," Jet shrugged and glanced at his mom for a moment, "I mean the mansion was nice but it creeped me the fuck out."

"The mansion was really cool," Dean's face lit up, "It had an indoor pool, cool statues and stuff. The kitchen was enormous! I was okay staying there, whatever made Cas comfortable, ya know?"

"I'm never going back, not if I can help it," Cas' hand tightened around Charlie's, "I hate that place. I know it's where I met Dee, Sam, and Jet but it's too much for me. Feel free to burn it down."

"I started to notice that Cas could understand me once in a while," Dean muttered, so much had happened since then he was having a hard time remembering it all. "He would respond to me sometimes, exactly the way I wanted him to and even to very specific things."

"Dee never stopped talking to me, I think that's one of my favourite things about those memories. He was so sweet with me, even though he didn't think I understood anything he said."

"We eventually got Cas some pants," Jet stated proudly, "Dean failed at it, miserably. Luckily Sam had some to hand over."

"We really had to teach him a lot of things," Dean commented sadly, "I couldn't believe how little Cas knew about the world; pants, eating with forks, hell even blankets were a challenge."

"Castiel Dimitri Novak," Sam sat back in his chair, "I found him on Facebook; I was doing most of the research at the time and that felt like a normal place to go looking. That's where we first learned about who Cas was before the experiments."

"It was so weird seeing Cas online," Jet said, "I mean, before that we just saw some animalistic person, it was really easy to dismiss everything. Cas' profile was memorialized by his brother, that was the first time we heard about Michael or Charlie."

"I showed Cas his picture," Sam continued, "Thinking back, that was a very risky move. Cas hated seeing himself, he destroyed anything that looked like him other than an obvious reflection."

"I remember the first time Sam showed me a photo of myself," Cas furrowed his brow, "I think he was looking at my Facebook page, but he let me see it. After the experiments all I was used to was my own face, I knew my reflection and I knew that another being with my face was trouble. That was the first time I saw me in an inanimate object, I didn't classify it as a threat the first time, I was too confused. Plus that pic had sunglasses so I couldn't see my eyes, windows to the soul and all that jazz."

"I think we watched some of the experiment videos after that," Dean mused, more to himself than his officer. "That was my second trip to the lab, Cas didn't like it much. I don't really blame him, I mean we were watching videos with MacLeod narrating."

"Those videos were our first look at the clones," Jet shuddered, "They all have Cas as their base body, then the rest of them are mutated. It's pretty gross."

"MacLeod had a weird fetish," Sam divulged with a disgusted look on his face, "I don't know if he ever got sexual with Cas, but he was definitely after Jet. Those videos mentioned him once or twice in passing, I wouldn't be surprised if he'd gathered enough DNA to make his own somewhere in that lab."

"He never touched me," Cas said with a look of relief, "He was interested in me since I started working for him, but it wasn't like that." He paused and looked up with a more intense expression, "Actually, he didn't really start acting odd toward me until after my first week with him. After I was kidnapped I remember hearing about how my DNA was perfect and really compatible or something… Maybe he tested it somehow? I mean I wasn't keeping track of my DNA, that only happens in movies like Gattaca."

"Bobby showed up around then I think," Dean nodded, pretty sure of himself. "He watched Cas for us while we moved in officially, ran into Michael and Charlie in town."

"I didn't trust them for a second," Charlie chimed in, "But I was kinda at the end of my leads on where Cas could've been. I was willing to jump on anything that even mentioned him, and they did."

"I'm glad you joined us," Cas looked to her affectionately, "I wouldn't want you hunting around the countryside for me any longer than you did."

"Charlie did _not_ give up," Jet snickered, "She followed us back to the mansion so we let her stay, lucky we did too because I don't think Cas would've snapped back as fast as he did without her help."

"I know what you're thinking," Dean raised his hand defensively, "We should've taken Cas to his family as soon as we found them online, or even as soon as we saw them in town. But we figured that we didn't know Cas' family that well and we weren't sure if they'd handle it okay. Charlie kinda agreed once she was with us, so I think it was the right move."

"Once I saw him I knew I wasn't done," Charlie explained solemnly, "I holed up in the basement for a long time trying to crack the files. Day and in and out, whenever I wasn't with Cas or taking a break I was trying to break into a pretty tough system. You guys are gonna need some serious muscle to get in there, good luck."

"Charlie was in there like a dirty shirt," Jet remarked, a hint of admiration in his voice. "I showed her the computers within the first 24 hours and she was already breaking in. Some of those files told us that MacLeod got kicked out of University for being a total fruitcake."

"Charlie's eagerness to learn stuff got us going again," Dean nodded with nothing but respect on his face. "We decided to go back downstairs, see some more of what we were dealing with and try to make a game plan."

"Dean and Jet didn't want to go that far in," Sam said, "I was already pretty sure that the main level wasn't going to give us much more information since Cas was further down. I'm glad we did, too, because we found out he was trying gerontology experiments."

"Further into the basement we found a cage with a kid," Dean rubbed his forehead tiredly, "They made a perfect clone of Cas and used it with a kid they snatched from the street or something."

"Desirae's got some Cas-clone in her," Jet admitted with a shrug, "I mean that's no weirder than the cat stuff, right? She knows some things that Cas knew, things about life and how some stuff works, adult crap. Sometimes I forget how old she is, I don't know the exact number but she's tiny, can't be that old."

"She took to Jet pretty fast," Sam recalled adoringly, "He went in, won her over, came right back out with her. She trusts him more than anybody else; she was the one he was protecting when he lost his arm."

"While Dee and the others were getting Desirae out, Charlie, Bobby and I were waiting." Cas glanced at Charlie again and she nodded once in acknowledgement. "Bobby had a friend, I forgot his name but they called him in for something."

"Rufus Turner, he was supposed to help us clear out the dead experiments." Charlie clarified for him. "I didn't know him either but he had one heck of a happy trigger finger."

"Charlie sent me a message while we were down there," Dean's fingers tapped at the table, his nose crinkling in anger. "One of Bobby's contacts was there to help us out with the basement stuff, he was just supposed help us move bodies. He got freaked out by Cas and turned a fucking gun on him."

"I don't like guns," Cas shook his head, "Sometimes I… like when I saw a clone, I would do this thing with my face…"

"His jaw pretty much unhinges," Jet explained with a gesture to show how far, "eyes glow, loud animal shrieks; the works. Yeah, it's enough to scare the shit out of a grown-ass man. Still gives me the creeps, to be honest."

"Well I do it with guns too," Cas continued with a nervous shrug, "Or, I mean I did before I remembered who I was. I haven't done anything like that since then, I've got full control over myself again."

"I ran as fast as I could," Dean's anger hadn't subsided, "I almost lost Cas right there. Rufus was going to shoot him, he fired but I made it in time."

Cas looked down, "Dean saved me again."

"None of us really knew what to do about Rufus," Sam sighed, "Jet pretty much kicked him out, Dean said he'd talk to the guy later on and get it sorted. I don't think we had contact with him again after that, probably ran for the hills."

"Desirae said that Cas was scared of guns because of what others did with them," Jet contemplated out loud, his gaze lingering away from his officer. "She was a great answer to trying to communicate with Cas, had some answers he didn't. Actually, I think she knows some of the other scientists that were involved. Cas doesn't seem to remember any of them."

"There are some things that I can't remember because I didn't really experience them." Cas explained as best he could, "I know most of what happened to me but not all of it. I know details about how it made me feel, the pain and loneliness were there but details weren't. MacLeod was the only one I really saw when I was anywhere close to sober minded."

"Cas was getting a better handle on speaking before Desirae showed up," Dean added, "But I think she sped it up, you know? She could teach him what words meant what, or something like that. I dunno, he just seemed happier when he could talk to and understand us, so I really didn't care how it happened at the time."

"We'd gone down into the basement the second time to learn more about the experiments and see what Rufus might've been dealing with." Sam reiterated, "We came back out with Desirae and the knowledge that most of the things left down there were dead. Some that had been alive the first day had starved to death."

"One of us… did something." Dean hesitated to say, "There was something on those computers that allowed the euthanization of all the main level experiments."

"Charlie decided it was the most humane thing," Sam exhaled heavily, "We didn't tell Cas or Desirae, Jet agreed with us and Bobby kept silent on it."

"They were already barely alive," Dean averted his gaze, "we didn't have the know-how or resources to feed them all and letting them starve is a pretty shitty thing to do."

"Though our humanity on the subject didn't really extend to the rest of the basement, apparently." Sam reflected on it, his tone told more of his dissatisfaction with the outcome than his expression. "The underground portion of the property is pretty big, it takes up over 50% and there had been more experiments in the rest of the place too. But instead of investigating further we just left it at that, hoping that maybe the 'clean all' option got everything."

"We just kinda hung out at the mansion after that," Jet said as he leaned back in his chair, his hand hanging onto the armrest for good measure. "None of us really knew what to do, Rufus didn't get back to us so we just sorta left the basement as it was. I'd promised Desirae she could go outside, so at one point she and Cas went for a fly."

"We ran into Garth at a nearby pond, an old high school friend." Cas pointed out, "It was amazing being outside though. I remember the incredible feeling I got from flying around, freedom was a big thing for me. I didn't know Garth at the time so I got kinda scared, I kinda wish I'd stuck around and watched the ducks some more though."

"Garth followed them back to the mansion, Cas was so freaked out." Jet laughed, "I mean, at the time so was everyone, but thinking about it now it's just too funny. Garth is such a tiny dude, Cas could've bitch-slapped him into space."

"He'd called Michael before he got out to meet us," Dean smirked, "I got to meet Cas' big brother and boy did that go downhill. People got emotional; tempers flared, mean words were said-"

"I probably should've told Michael sooner," Charlie scratched her head sheepishly, "I was being a little selfish, I guess. All that 'trying to protect him' stuff was just me not wanting to explain what happened to Cas right outside of our town."

"-tears, panic attacks, and screaming. It was just a mess."

"Michael was pretty mad," Cas stated quietly, "I mean, he wasn't mad at me but I could tell he was really hurt. I didn't remember him, that's pretty awful. I apologized, I know it wasn't my fault or anything, but I still feel bad for it."

"Mikey had a lot to say," Jet nodded with a bitter laugh in his throat, "He took out some frustration on us, I put him in his place."

"Jet could've been gentler about it," Sam frowned indignantly, "but Michael had to hear about Cas' situation sometime I guess."

"Michael and I bonded over being older brothers," Dean was proud of himself for that, "I convinced him to calm down, he decided to stick around to try and help Cas. I don't remember him doing much other than just being in the area, but I think Cas still needed him anyway."

"More importantly than Michael, Cas got to go into town." Jet lit up, "I made something to try and make his wings less obvious, a harness sort of thing. They didn't use it, but I'm pretty sure it was the better idea."

"Jet wouldn't let that go," Sam rolled his eyes, "It was a decent idea in theory but in practice it didn't work out. Regardless, it was enough to convince us to let Cas out into town so I guess I should just let it go too."

"Jet didn't get to go to town, I told him I'd-" Dean's eyes widened and he gasped, "I didn't record anything like I said I would. Ohhhh when he remembers he's gonna kill me…"

"I was so excited to go to town!" Cas was laughing at himself, "We drove there, so it wasn't as cool as flying but I still got to go. I mean, now I remember what being in a city is like so it's not so impressive anymore. But at the time I couldn't wait."

"Explaining Cas' wings to people was tough," Dean said, "Jet's whole plan had issues when you put it into play. But walking around worked well enough once we got him a big enough coat."

"They let me get Uggs," Cas was still laughing, "If my high school self saw that I'd be disowned from being me."

"Lots of people saw us that day," Dean nodded absent-mindedly, "Took Cas into a few stores, got him to try some food he didn't remember. Even got Cas a pet rock."

"I don't really know where I left Rockington," Cas lamented sadly, his laughter cut off.

"I should've thought it out better," Jet exhaled heavily and looked at his left side, "I fucked that all up. I'd promised Desirae she'd get to go to town but I didn't have a plan to hide her features, so she stayed home. I stayed with her but she didn't really want to have anything to do with me." A miserable smile came over his features, "I scared her and she ran away from me… Like, really scared her; she didn't even think, she just ran into the basement looking for a familiar place to hide."

"We were having fun in town," Sam said distantly, "but I wish I would've called home once in a while… Jet was having trouble and I didn't even know."

"I followed her," Jet glanced at his mom; Nikki was watching him with all of her focus. "She ran into a new part of the basement, past her cage and through a new door. It was a more important area, I think."

"We're pretty sure that part of the basement was built after the first section," Sam's hands were starting to tremble as he spoke. "It was made to hold the successful experiments based off of Cas, some seriously monstrous things were in there."

"Some of those things had crazy abilities," Dean said just before coughing and taking another few breaths from his inhaler.

"One of the clones smelled something in the area for the first time since MacLeod, it broke out of the cell it was in." Jet stiffened, his breathing started to get more ragged. "She was about to get eaten, I didn't know what to do so I jammed my arm into its mouth to stop it. It hurt like a bitch but it worked, we got out of there."

"He let it mutilate his arm," Dean stated slowly, "I mean, it's really shitty and I feel like crap for him, but that's metal as fuck. Dude's my fuckin' hero."

"It wasn't as stupid as hoping his arm was going to withstand the strength of a monster jaw," Sam explained, "Desirae had bitten him in a panic, his first aid tactics involved wrapping a whole sweater around it to stop the bleeding. He probably just thought that was enough to spare him a little."

"The thing shredded my arm," Jet continued, not wanting to see his mom's reaction to that. "It was dangling by some muscle tissue or something, but that was it. Rae and I got out of the first area with the crazy clones, but some had wandered out already. My arm was already fucked, I just tore it off the rest of the way and tossed it like bait, we got away that time too."

"Seriously, I couldn't rip my own arm off." Dean grimaced and shook his left arm out, "Didn't even think, he just-" he mimicked the motion a few times, "-and then throws the damn thing. If he weren't so sensitive about it I'd probably tell him awesome that was."

"Jet sent me a text," Sam lifted his phone and placed it on the table, " _Hey babe, I don't want to ruin your trip to town but I need you guys home ASAP. Long story short the basement is crawling with Cas clones_."

"Sam told me about the message first," Cas looked down ashamedly, "I stole Dean's car keys and flew back to the mansion on my own, I didn't want them to get hurt."

"One of us knows how to start cars without keys," Dean stated vaguely.

"I hotwired Dean's car," Charlie admitted and pat Cas on the shoulder, "No one's mad at you for that." He just smiled back at her.

"I was bleeding out and passing out," Jet said almost nonchalantly, "I was pretty sure I was dead at that point, Rae and I were still in the basement and there were still clones on our asses. I told her to go and that's it, I blacked out."

"When I got there Jet and Desirae were in my old cage," Cas went on, "There were a few clones around so I handled them before getting Jet and Desirae to safety. Bobby and Garth took Jet to the hospital immediately, we're lucky he's still here."

"It was a pretty horrific sight," Dean's excitement over Jet's heroics subsided, "Four of us decided to go and take care of the clone threat that was hanging around down there. It was me, Sam, Cas, and Charlie; we geared up with MacLeod's equipment and went in."

"We were not prepared," Sam stated frankly, "I was too angry to think straight but none of us could keep up with those clones. They were all enhanced, super strength and senses like Cas has."

"Cas did all the work," Charlie pat her friend's arm, "I mean, we did what we could but he took care of pretty much everything."

"Until he got hurt," Dean added bitterly, "We had to make him sit it out while we took care of the rest of them."

"It was easier in the second area," Sam said with a shrug, "More or less anyway. There was better lighting, and only a few clones were actually free from their cages. Cas had trouble with the ones that were free but he handled them. We decided that opening the doors was too risky, plus Jet was the one with the keys."

"The plan was for me to rip open a small enough hole in the door," Cas displayed with hand gestures how he'd done it, "And then they'd just aim in with the guns they grabbed and shoot the clones. It worked for most of it, but one of them gassed Dee…"

"It hurt like hell," Dean touched his throat gingerly, "I blacked out pretty much instantly. It sucks! I couldn't even go down heroically like Jet did."

"It scared me so much," Cas tensed up, rubbing his eyes to try and keep them dry. "I flew Dean to the hospital after that, I was so scared I'd lose him."

"Some recovery time later, here we are." Jet gestured to the room, "No one's been back there since it all went down, far as I know anyway."

"I don't know what it's like right now, but I know there are a few clones left." Sam shifted in his seat anxiously, "I don't know if they're all a lost cause, the enhancements those things have helped them last this long without food or water. Maybe if they get some rehabilitation they'll be more docile."

"I can't say if those clones have minds of their own," Cas shook his head, "I can only speak for me. Desirae is her own person because she was spliced with my clone, she isn't a direct copy of me…. Obviously."

"So…" Jet dragged out the pause, "think you guys can help me figure out to properly adopt Desirae?"

"That's it," Dean smiled at Donna, "About two months after pretty much winning the lottery I've got fucked up lungs, my best friend lost his arm, we discovered an underground mad scientist's lab, and I met the love of my life."


	89. Chapter 89

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I don't know how many of you are still with me, this story has gotten to be quite the monster in size. I hope you're all enjoying this so far! Thanks so much for supporting me through all of this story, I feel like I don't say that enough 
> 
>  

 

Dean stood in the waiting area with his hands shoved in his pockets and the knowledge that he'd just spilled as much of his guts as he could to the police. Donna was a sweetheart so he hadn't felt nervous about it at all while talking, though he did keep a few choice things to himself. Castiel's ability to cause nightmares, for example, was something he hadn't wanted to add for fear of sounding insane.

On top of that, he didn't want to say Cas was the one who killed MacLeod through a dream because that sounded equally nuts as well as threw his baby under a bus. No one needed to know that Cas had anything to do with a murder-esque situation, everything was messy enough as it was.

"How'd it go?" Michael approached him first and Dean could only laugh as he shrugged.

"It was pretty quick, I had Donna, she's a nice lady."

"Right…" Michael raised an eyebrow skeptically, "But did she let on anything about Cas? I mean, is he in trouble? Are we going to have to fight to keep him?"

"Nah, I don't think so." Jet said as he walked into the room, Desirae ran to meet him immediately. "They're pretty much on our side, far as I can tell."

"Then I'll trust that as the truth," Dean smirked and Jet stuck his tongue out at him.

"Was it scary?" Desirae asked as Nikki scooped her up. "Did they use a big bright light?"

"It was easy," Jet reassured and kissed her forehead, "You just tell them what you think is important for them to know, and if you get nervous one of us can sit in there with you."

"Can you sit with me?" She asked right away and Dean had to press his lips together to stop himself from letting out an 'awwwww.'

"I'll sit with you," Jet agreed and tried to take her from Nikki.

"After what I just heard?" Nikki protested and pulled Desirae away, "I'll sit with her, you take a break."

Rae looked up at her new grandma and nodded, "Okay! Good point, dad needs a nap."

Nikki's expression lost all traces of 'stubborn mom' and went right into 'sweetness' mode. "That's right, old people need their naps."

Jet opened his mouth to say something but stopped and chuckled instead, "Alright, if you think you can do it again I'll let you take her."

"Thanks gramma," Desirae hugged Nikki who was more than happy to hug back.

Sam nudged Dean's side, startling him but he was still pleased to see his brother. "Sammy, how'd it go?" He gave Sam a quick hug with the additional solid slaps to his back. Sam returned the gesture, though much lighter with the final patting gesture.

"Easier than I thought, longer than expected." Sam looked around, "I guess Cas had a longer story to tell…"

"Charlie's already inside, Cas should be out by now right?" Dean looked around the waiting area, Bobby shook his head as soon as Dean made eye contact.

"Nope, Charlie got called into Cas' room."

Dean furrowed his brow and glanced at Michael who still didn't look terribly calm about the whole thing. "Why did they need Charlie?"

"His officer came out and asked that she go see Cas, we don't know why." Michael's pensive posture was starting to feel contagious. Dean shifted anxiously and looked at the front desk, he knew they wouldn't have the answer but he wanted to ask anyway.

"Relax," Sam touched Dean's shoulder, "You're going to stress yourself out if you keep this up. Cas is fine, I'm sure we'd hear something if he were in trouble."

"You don't know that," Dean muttered and hunched up his shoulders, attempting to look calm and failing. "What if they did something to him? Like drugged him or something? Charlie could be in trouble too, maybe they took her because she looked like the biggest threat that wasn't already in those rooms."

"Hey," Michael protested but Dean waved him off.

"I should ask them what's up," Dean glanced at the counter again, narrowed eyes focused on the guy sitting at the main computer.

"Don't bother," Sam said and Dean glared at him.

"Well if we wait too long and something did happen we couldn't help, so I'm gonna-" a light tap on his arm made him look to the right and he saw wings quickly escaping from view. "Cas?" he asked and looked the other way to see his boyfriend in front of him.

"Hello Dee," Cas smiled, it wasn't the most relaxed smile but it was still there and that was all Dean could ask for.

"Are you alright?" he asked as he took Cas' hands in his, needing to hold Cas in some way or another. "I thought something might've happened."

"How long were you waiting?" Cas looked surprised and glanced at the others.

"About five minutes," Bobby grinned and Castiel started laughing.

"It was longer than that!" Dean argued loudly, getting the attention of others in the lobby.

"It really wasn't," Michael's shoulders shook a little as he tried not to laugh too.

"Whatever," Dean huffed and looked at Cas, "As long as you're okay, that's all that matters."

"I'm fine," Cas kissed him and practically draped himself over Dean's shoulders, "Just a little tired."

"We can go back to the hotel when this is all done," Dean kissed Cas' cheek and rested his head on Cas'. He was curious about Cas' experience but didn't exactly want to tire Cas any further. It had been a long day for all of them, hell it had been a long week.

"How was it in there?" Sam broke the silence by asking instead, Dean was still pretty torn up about how that made him feel.

"I needed Charlie," Cas motioned toward his bestie, who had stopped by the front counter for a moment. "It was a little more difficult than I thought, Victor let her sit with me."

"You already thought it was going to be tough," Michael said, the concern in his face hadn't faded all that much.

"I know," Cas nodded and smiled at his brother, "but it's alright, it would've been hard if I told them today or next year."

"Hey guys," Charlie walked over to them, "I asked if those of us who answered questions could go and they said yes." She looked at Cas more specifically, "So if you're tired you can go lie down for a while."

Castiel laughed softly and dropped his head against Dean's shoulder, "Yeah? That sounds nice."

"We could head back to the hotel," Dean nuzzled Cas' cheek lightly, "get you to sleep on something more comfortable than a hospital chair."

"That'd be really nice," Cas mumbled and stole another kiss.

"I'm gonna stay here," Jet's response wasn't a surprise to anyone. "Gotta make sure my favourite ladies get out safe," he winked at Nikki and Rae who both laughed, though his mom added an extra eye roll with hers.

"You gotta go sleep though," Desirae scolded him and he shook his head.

"I couldn't sleep without knowing how you were doing, I'll wait here." Jet was as stubborn as always, Nikki didn't even try arguing with him.

Dean didn't know what kind of conversation Nikki would've had with Jet, or if she even had one at all. They looked comfortable around one another, just like always, but Dean could see the little strain in Nikki's face. She had to cope with whatever she'd just heard in there, everything her boy had just gone through without her knowledge.

"We should stay," Cas whispered, "we can't leave him on his own."

Dean was about to respond but Sam was faster, "I'll stay with him, don't worry about it Cas."

Cas looked questioning but he accepted the answer, "If you say so."

"I do, you're falling asleep anyway." Sam huffed a laugh and pat Castiel's arm, "Go with Dean, you guys need somewhere good to sleep."

"Alright," Cas relented and looked at the others, "Good luck in there, I'll see you all later."

"Definitely," Michael moved in for a hug that Cas gladly accepted. "Go take a nap, kid."

It wasn't too long after that the others had to go in for the rest of the questioning. Dean couldn't believe they had done it, something he'd been afraid to do since he found Cas and it'd gone alright. At least so far, anyway.

Charlie joined them as they walked into the dimming light of the sun, the evening was young at the earliest. "Taxi?" she asked as she stretched, "Jet told me they had a hotel set up nearby, all we gotta do is give our names."

"Really?" Dean wasn't sure why he was so surprised, Jet was pretty good at planning that sort of thing. Maybe it was because he'd expected that his friend would've been too exhausted after losing an arm to think about it. "That's awesome, how far?"

Charlie took a pause to look it up, "A few blocks from the hospital."

"I have the keys," Dean reminded her and headed for the car, "Just tell me where to turn."

* * *

 

Gawking at the nice lobby was the first step, Dean couldn't believe Jet picked something so lavish. Sure, Jet could afford it but really? So fancy? Charlie approached the desk for them, Cas tried to keep himself very still in the big coat, hoping he wouldn't lose feathers. Dean just walked around looking at the statuettes and fancy trimmings. There was a chandelier above them for Pete's sake. He was just barely getting used to living in a mansion, he had no idea his best friend had such expensive tastes. Either that or Jet just picked one that didn't have bed bug alerts online. Dean really wasn't sure which one he believed more.

"Dean!" Charlie called him after he'd wandered too far, "C'mon, let's go."

"Yeah, yeah," he shoved his hands into his pockets and followed with a slouch. He didn't feel at home among fancy things, though complaining about it then seemed like a stupid thing to do. For one thing he'd already spent over two months in that kind of setting and said nothing about it. For another, Cas was walking around with a stupid coat to hide wings that he'd have to live with for the rest of his life. Dean's discomfort wasn't on par with that.

"This one's ours," Cas stated as he looked at the door numbers, "Jet got you your own, Charlie?"

"Yeah, apparently." She laughed in slight astonishment, "Well I'll catch you guys later, I'm gonna take a shower."

"Same," Cas cringed as he rubbed his hair, "eugh I feel gross…"

"It's not that bad," Dean kissed his cheek and watched the blush slowly creep into his angel's skin.

"I know you saw me way worse," Cas looked at him sheepishly, "But if you could do me a huge favour and forget about that part…"

"Never," Dean laughed when Cas lightly tapped his face as a fake slap, dumb sound effect and all. "That's abuse, I'm telling."

Cas suddenly looked sad, like he'd taken it completely seriously. "I'm sorry," his voice broke a little and Dean scrambled to take it back.

"No, no- that's not what I meant! It was a joke, I didn't-" He stopped when he saw the corner of Cas' mouth turn up deceitfully. "You little twerp."

Cas grinned, very clearly enjoying the sight of Dean fretting over him. Maybe too much. "Sorry, I couldn't help it." He admitted with an ambiguously bashful smile before going to the door with the key. Dean moved behind him and rubbed the base of Cas' wings, the first thing he noticed was a sharp squeal from his boyfriend. He felt Cas' muscle shudder under his touch and watched the wings curl in with a slight twitch.

"Oooh, ticklish?" Dean raised an eyebrow playfully as Cas swatted him away with the extra appendages.

"No, go away!" Cas succeeded in knocking Dean back and hurried into the suite. Dean was laughing as he entered, unable to catch Cas before the bathroom door shut.

"I didn't mean to ruffle your feathers!" He called and the response was the water running. Dean knew Cas wasn't actually upset, otherwise he would've probably already been grovelling at the closed door. Instead he dropped onto the nice bed and stared up at the ceiling, he could feel the way he'd sunk in a little bit and knew that it'd be an amazing night's sleep. He'd just have to wait for Cas to get out first, and then it'd be perfect.


	90. Chapter 90

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS MATURE CONTENT
> 
> This one's here for those of you who like smut. It's not gonna have anything relevant to the plot really so if it's not your kinda thing you can feel comfortable knowing that skipping this is fine :D

 

Dean felt a weight over his lap, it was warm and soaking through his pants. His eyelids flinched and he realized he'd fallen asleep while sprawled out on the bed. He forced his eyes open, the room was dimly lit and all he could see was the shadowy face he'd learned to love waking up to.

"You fell asleep," Cas whispered as he traced his fingers over Dean's ear, the light touch sending a shiver down Dean's spine.

"I did," he muttered groggily, realizing by his own voice that he'd definitely been out cold. Must've been snoring too, if his dry mouth was anything to go by. "You do okay by yourself?" he asked, smiling sleepily as Cas adjusted his position. Dean realized the second thing that was important to his immediate situation; Cas hadn't gotten dressed. Dean recognized the naked body sitting on him all too well, but the circumstances were far different from what he was used to.

"I did fine," Cas continued to speak softly, not getting off and just watching Dean. There was a sensuality to him that Dean hadn't been prepared for just yet, it was in the way he straddled Dean's lap and, in the heat between his legs. But mostly it was in Cas' eyes, lingering carelessly on Dean's lips for a few moments too long to be anything else.

Dean didn't want to jump to conclusions, he didn't want to assume. He swallowed, wishing his throat wasn't so dry. "You, uh… seem like you want something."

Castiel smiled a little wider and a slowly pulled his hips forward, dragging against Dean's skin and sending a jolt through Dean's body. Dean fought the urge to man-handle Castiel right then and there, he steadied himself and watched Cas' face. He'd kept anything sexual out of his mind for as long as he could with Cas, he knew that Cas couldn't consent before but now he could. Dean needed to hear an obvious and distinctive yes.

"Do you want to have sex?" he asked blatantly and watched the silent-seductress above him crack up into giggles.

"I do," Cas managed to say as he leaned forward and pressed his lips to Dean's, still smiling as he did it. "I want to have sex."

Dean felt a laugh bubbling up in his chest too, "Hey, I'd be on thin ice if I didn't get a very obvious answer from you."

"I know, I know," Cas sighed and leaned around to nibble at Dean's earlobe, "Mike would kill you."

Dean heard the soft mumbling but he was too busy fighting shivers that snaked through his bones. "Sam would kill me too." He stuttered through the sentence, he was distracted and barely remembered the conversation as soon as it ended. The most important part was Castiel telling him 'I want to have sex.' That was about all he could focus on. He reached up and hovered his hands over Castiel's skin, it wasn't just like the other times, it was a different kind of touch. He prepared himself as he caressed Cas' suddenly unfamiliar sides.

Cas shuddered and ground his hips down more impatiently than before. Dean's breathing hitched in his throat, and both realized nearly simultaneously that they hadn't done anything sexual in a long time. Dean only had about two months of waiting but Cas was far more sensitive, it was clear why Cas was so eager.

"Oh god," Cas' tone was deeper than Dean was used to, breathy and raspy and right next to his ear. Blood boiled in him and pooled lower and lower in his torso. "We're doing this." Cas growled and stole one more kiss before sliding down the bed and positioning himself between Dean's legs.

An incoherent muttering pulled from Dean's throat, he was relatively sure it was curses but he couldn't be positive. Cas was quick to pull pants and underwear off, no trouble at all, meanwhile Dean struggled to get his mind level enough to pull off a damn shirt. Castiel didn't wait, his tongue slipped over the tip of Dean's cock and a soft moan left both of them.

"I've been looking forward to this," Cas murmured before getting busy.

"F-Fuck, Cas…" Dean's hands wrapped up in the sheets as he felt his angel take him. Cas never let on about what he knew about sex but the way he immediately slipped Dean down his throat was telling enough. Dean's stomach tightened in the best way and he grabbed onto Cas' hair, the first thing he could think to do. When the pressure got to be a little too much he caught himself pulling, tugging just so at the messy, damp locks between his fingers. He angled his gaze to see Cas' head bob between his legs and a husky groan spilled from his lips.

Dean's thigh tensed under Cas' hand as he squeezed and rubbed it affectionately, he'd been so focused on the blowjob and not ending everything too soon that he wasn't ready for anything else. Cas took a moment's break to kiss the tender skin trembling under his hand, "Sorry," he whispered to Dean's leg and nearly made both of them laugh again.

"You're fuckin' amazing," Dean dropped his arm over his face while Cas' hand continued the job for him.

"I wasn't celibate in high school," Cas stated matter-of-factly, gently squeezing as he slid his hand up from Dean's base. Dean couldn't answer, he just moaned each time he opened his mouth. Cas just smiled and leaned back down.

Dean opened his eyes the second he regained the warmth of Cas' mouth; as he looked down a smile tugged at his lips. How he managed to gain a boyfriend like Castiel was beyond him. Someone so strong and beautiful was way out of his league. Hell, Cas probably had more sex experience too, at least when it came to guys.

Dean's mind got away from him, he was losing himself to Cas' touch and he couldn't have been happier. However he was dangerously close to the edge, his legs were shaking and Cas was slowing down. Dean had no idea what to do when his brain reconnected the situation, he wanted Cas to finish him off but he also wanted sex to last longer. "W-wait," he protested but he felt Castiel's mouth pull, was that a smile?

Cas didn't listen at first but after a moment or two he lifted his head again. "What is it, baby?"

"I want this to last longer," Dean breathed heavily, before he even recognized his own ragged voice Cas was handing him his inhaler. A few deep breaths of it calmed him; Cas crawled up to his side and stroked his hair soothingly, leaving little kisses on his skin wherever he could. "Thanks," Dean mumbled, a little embarrassed but he knew he shouldn't have been. Not breathing right was going to be part of his life for a while.

"Maybe we should take it easier," Cas suggested but Dean shook his head.

"No, I mean we can go slow but I want to do this."

Cas smiled and kissed him again, slow and careful, taking up his mental functioning entirely. Dean didn't care what else was happening, he loved entangling his fingers with Cas', feeling Castiel's strength first hand. It was easy to lift Dean up; Cas adjusted and positioned him until they were slotted together. Dean's legs on either side of Cas' hips, he let his boyfriend lie him down.

Dean had made out with people before; he was skilled at that much so when Cas let him have a little more control Dean did his best to surprise. He was happy to take over for a moment and show what he could do, and if Cas' sudden eagerness was anything to go by then he was sure he'd succeeded.

Making out pushed into more hands-y territory and Dean lost track of whose hands went where. All he could really grasp was the fact that he loved how warm it was between them, and he hated it all the more when Cas had to go and find some lube. A deep, frustrated sigh escaped him after Cas disappeared with some money. Dean lay fully naked on the bed with his phone held just above his head. It took probably five minutes but his erection was certain it was more like 20.

"Sorry," Cas was laughing as he undressed again, "Did I take long?"

"Nah," Dean dropped his phone and grinned, "So what's the plan then? I shouldn't exert myself much, how did you wanna do this?"

"Well," Cas kicked off his pants, the last article he'd tossed on before leaving. "It depends, you could lie there and I'd fuck myself on you."

Dean nodded, he liked the sound of that, "And the other is you take top, right?"

"Yeah," Cas smiled more predatorily than Dean had seen on him before. It made his heart skip and he felt heat rising in his face. He really liked seeing Castiel in control; while there was the lingering feeling that he needed to protect Cas he started to realize that it wasn't as imperative. Cas could fend for himself, he remembered the world around them and didn't need someone to hold his hand. Dean knew that Cas would always need him in some way, but not like it had been before.

"Let's do that," Dean decided and watched Cas' smile widen.

"As you wish," Cas leaned over and kissed him smoothly, "I'll be gentle."

"You don't have to be." Dean smirked and felt a small shudder when Cas popped open the bottle he'd just bought.

It was new, Dean inhaled sharply when he felt Cas' fingers tracing him and slowly pressing at his entrance. It was slick, he wasn't sure how he felt about so much sliding going on down there, he was sure it would be good but it still made him feel a little vulnerable. Cas was nothing but sweet though, carefully opening him up in the best way.

Dean sighed softly and turned his head, pressing his cheek into the sheets. He tried not to moan as much as he felt compelled to, he couldn't get over how much he loved Cas' experience.

It was painful the first time Cas entered, though only slightly. Cas had done more than enough work opening him up, soaking wet and totally worth it. Dean tried not to notice the painful part of the new pressure, he instead focused on the way Cas pressed greedy lips against his neck. Cas' kisses were sprinkled with whispered reassuring nonsense, it was sweet and helped him pay more attention to how Cas held him wrapped up in his arms. Cas moved slowly, hands stroking soothingly over Dean's nipples and down his abdomen.

Castiel's pace was a gentle, upward slope of intensity and Dean started to really feel it. He'd lost focus on himself and couldn't tell if he was making too much noise or not. Dean was a trembling mess; he knew it, _felt_ it. He could only imagine what he must've looked like to Cas, they'd had some very sentimental moments but he was sure Cas hadn't seen him like that.

It was more of a shock to his system than he'd expected, too. It felt amazing, but still quite a surprise for him. In all his years of being sexually active he'd never been on the receiving end, nor had he ever had anything beyond his own curious fingers penetrate him. Maybe a toy or two, who was really keeping track? But nothing as foreign as another guy's cock, nothing as thick and long. It felt strange, and maybe that was it – the reason he thought it might've been painful, that deep, slow ache he felt low in his belly.

But Cas wouldn't ever hurt him, not really. Cas had taken good care in prepping Dean, it was just a shock and that was why he felt so flushed. A new sensation his body and mind weren't fully ready for. It wasn't just the physical feeling though, it was Castiel. Dean couldn't get over the fact that he had Cas with him, that his boyfriend was so incredible even if he wasn't. Dean didn't know about Cas' actual sexual experiences, but to him Cas couldn't do anything wrong. Every touch of those fingers made Dean want him more.

"Cas," Dean croaked, and he couldn't believe how dry and raw his voice was. How much sound had he been making?

"Yes, Dee?" Cas replied low and sweet, leaving more kisses against Dean's neck. He didn't sound concerned, more awestruck than anything. Dean wasn't sure if it was because of obscene noises or because Cas hadn't had sex in over four years. Either way Cas didn't stop, his hands slid up and down Dean's chest, trailing closer to the erection he'd been leaving untouched thus far.

Dean heard his own whimpering that time, barely able to say Cas' name a second time. He turned his head and tried to press it into the sheets again, a wave of pleasure rolling over him. If Cas were any other person, Dean would've expected them to take his gurgling and facing away as a rejection of some kind. Maybe a sign of bad sex. But Castiel didn't stop his rhythmic thrusting and he didn't back away. Instead, he pressed himself down against Dean's chest and nestled his face into the nape of Dean's neck.

Close to climax, Dean reached up and grabbed onto the mop of hair that tickled him slightly. Cas stayed with his face buried, he kept panting and moaning out Dean's name and wouldn't stop dust his neck with hot, sloppy kisses.

"Cas." Dean breathed his name out and it sounded more like begging, maybe a desperate request. It quickly became a mantra that Dean gasped into the sheets as his hand moved under him to squeeze the base of his cock. He was too close to the edge, he wanted to stop his orgasm to line up with Castiel's. He _had_ to cum with Cas the first time.

Castiel let him do it for a few frenzied moments, leaning back to get a better momentum going. They kept up the pace until Cas shuddered and grasped Dean's hips tighter, his pace stuttered and then Dean felt something a little extra. It was warm and reminded him that condoms were probably a smart option he'd ignored. Cas leaned down to Dean's ear again and in a pleased moan he said softly, "Let go for me."

Dean's mouth dropped open and he followed the order, his hand loosened and moved up and down on his cock a few times. His orgasm crashed into him and felt the light rush of air from Cas' breathing against his neck. It all mixed into the same, wonderful feeling. He gasped for breath but knew that Cas had him, nothing bad would happen.

Another few inhales from his medicine later he felt calmer, his fingers pressed into Cas' skin just enough to make little indents and display his small fear of letting Cas go. It wasn't a spoken concern but Dean didn't want to lose the best thing to ever happen to him, he didn't want to wake up and find it was a dream.

Castiel pulled Dean up further on the bed; Dean didn't bother to pay attention to the way Cas moved him around. All the positions were comfortable as long as he didn't have to be alone, he didn't care what Cas decided to do with him. They ended up cuddled under the blanket; Dean was tucked in close to Cas' chest and coddled like he might've been made of glass.

They were quiet for a while; Cas was kissing the top of Dean's head and caressing him gently. It was the most cared for Dean had felt in some time. He cozied right up to Cas and reveled in the feeling.

"I love you," he mumbled against Castiel's skin and smiled as he tilted his head to look up.

"I love you too, Dee." Castiel was smiling so kindly; Dean couldn't imagine how he'd made it so far in life without his angel nearby. Such a simple but beautiful expression, Castiel was everything he'd ever wanted and Dean couldn't stop staring. He could look at those eyes for the rest of his life.


	91. Chapter 91

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the support you guys, you rock! This chapter is a short one with two scenes I wanted to write but couldn't drag them out to be a chapter on their own. I hope you like them!

They'd been in the waiting room for a while, both figured that the questioning was almost over. Sam paced around the room and Jet sat forward watching through the window as cars passed by. It felt weird to see the world continuing on as normal despite what had just happened, though then again that's what the world always did.

Jet sighed and leaned back against the unbelievably hard chair, his skin crawled just thinking about what kinds of people must have sat in the same spot. His stomach was still in knots, his mom hadn't reacted the way he'd expected her to. Hell, she didn't really react at all; he couldn't help but wonder if that was a good or a bad thing.

"Hey," Sam derailed his train of thought with a simple word, "you look a little out of it, everything okay?"

"No," Jet managed a smirk and Sam didn't say anything, he gently moved Jet to lean against him instead. Jet let it happen and let his weight fall on Sam for another few moments of silence. "She barely said anything." He muttered and felt Sam's slight adjustment in posture.

"Who? Desirae?"

"Mom."

Sam hummed softly and put an arm around Jet's shoulders, "I don't really blame her, it's a lot to take in."

"Yeah, which means she should say _something_ , right?" Jet tilted his head to look up and Sam shrugged once they made eye contact.

"Maybe not," he stroked Jet's hair absently, "Maybe there's too much she wants to say; her son was nearly caught up in an abduction and human experiments but instead made it rich. There are human-animal hybrids running around and that same son of hers adopted one which means she's a grandma, a huge deal for some people. You're dating me, another big deal. And to top it all off-"

"I'm missing an arm," Jet finished for him, Sam nodded solemnly. "I guess, I just would've liked some feedback…" He closed his eyes and Sam nuzzled the top of his head affectionately. It was comforting, he was happy to be there but he still felt like he needed something more. "It happened to me, not her…"

"Maybe it's the location?"

"Stop trying to find a reason for it," Jet abruptly sat upright again, his first instinct was to cross his arms. He froze up after dropping one over his stomach, he realized that that was the best he'd be able to do as he stared down at it. Jet could feel his blood boiling in an instant and he nearly blacked out for the angry outburst that followed. It was like a blur, he screamed and shoved the magazines off the table next to him. Sam said something but Jet wasn't listening, he was on his feet and before he knew it he was throwing a chair into the empty lobby.

Jet crashed to the floor, his knees hit the tiles hard and sent a shock through his legs. He couldn't catch himself with both arms and crumpled on his left side, smacking his shoulder and short arm against the ground.

He clenched his jaw as tears burned his eyes, he wanted to scream again but it wouldn't come up right. Jet let out a frustrated sound and silently cursed to himself as the pain snapped up what was left of his arm.

"Jet!" Sam was at his side and helping him sit upright, Jet focused on curling toward his injury so he wound up leaning on Sam more. "Take it easy," Sam's tone was gentle, probably hoped to calm him.

Jet's jaw was still clenched, his facial muscles were tense and starting to shake a little, but his tears still fell. He covered his face with the one hand, "Fuck…" he mumbled more than once, rubbed his eyes and sniffled harshly. It didn't help. Nothing helped.

"It's okay," Sam was holding him but he barely registered it, he couldn't focus on anything else. Sam was talking to someone but he didn't bother to look up and see, and his ears weren't tuned to listen.

He knew it'd be hard, he knew things would be weird and he already came to terms with that fact. He didn't want to freak out about how different it'd be, he knew it would be. He knew it and he still couldn't stop himself. His chest felt heavy and his head was going to explode. It was all he could do to try and breathe normally, shaky exhales followed by sharp and unhelpful inhales. A sob mixed in with the rest and he failed to stop the second or third. It was a losing battle against himself, he didn't stand a chance.

"I don't want to," he protested out loud, Sam's arms tightened around him.

"It's okay if you need to," Sam tried to tell him but he shook his head.

"No!" He pressed his palm against one of his eyes, "I won't break, I won't."

"This isn't breaking," Nikki's voice hit him hard and he had to look up, she was kneeling next to them with a patient smile. "You're not breaking, baby." She said more softly and reached over to pull him to her instead, Sam very happily obliged. Jet dropped his head against her shoulder as soon as he was able and didn't lift it as she hugged him close.

It wasn't for a few moments before someone spoke again, Nikki lessened her grip and leaned back to try and see Jet's face. "I know it's hard," she tipped his head so he'd look at her more directly. "I wish I could make it better, I really do. I want to handle the pig that did this to you myself, but he's already gone. I would give you my arm if I could," she cupped his cheek and just looked at him. He hadn't seen her do that since he was small and the last time they were in a police station together.

"I wouldn't ask you to," he managed to say levelly though still quiet.

"Of course not, but I would do it." Nikki laughed softly and kissed his forehead, "Since that's not possible, I'll be here to help you get used to this."

Jet smiled a little and nodded, he knew it was selfish to ask her to do that for him. To get her to uproot herself for a while just to help him was a dick move, but he needed her around. She was one of the decent moms of the world, she would give him everything she thought he needed even at her own risk. If that sometimes included harsh punishments then so be it. Jet was willing to accept his mom's help, it would involve some tough love along the way but he welcomed it.

"Thanks mom," he tried to say it more strongly but it still came out timid. "Sorry I freaked out."

"It's alright," she ruffled his hair, "In other news, Desirae's the cutest kid I've seen since you were a baby."

"I was cute after baby-hood." Jet muttered as he fixed his hair.

"You were a brat, it negates your cuteness." Nikki mussed up his hair again as soon as he was done.

"Whatever," he smirked as convincingly as he could and looked over at Sam who was holding Desirae, "Sorry about that."

Sam walked over and sat down with him on the floor, Jet was caught up in a crushing hug and did nothing to fight against it. "We love you, you idiot." Sam mumbled against him, Jet held on tighter. Rae wriggled in but didn't say anything, Jet kissed the top of her head and rested his against Sam.

"I love you guys too."

* * *

 

Everyone had moved to the hotel if they didn't already have somewhere to stay, and even then Michael still showed up to see Cas and check on any updates. Cas was happy for that, he called it 'brother time' and went to spend time with just him and Michael.

"It's been a day since we gave our story," Michael kicked a rock halfway across the parking lot, "Have they contacted you yet?"

"No, but they did tell us that it'd be a bit," Cas tried to kick a rock further and watched it hit the far wall that boxed in the lot, it remained lodged there. "It's not a small story, it'll take time to get the proper paperwork together before they can send in a team to check out what MacLeod did. And even then, I'm not sure they'd tell us they were doing it."

"The mansion's gonna be a crime scene now, huh?"

"I'm not sure, but maybe. They asked us not to stay there while all of this was going on anyway." Cas sat on the curb and watched his brother attempt the same thing he'd done. "They'll call."

"I know they will, but I want to be here when we hit the next step." Michael gave up and sat down with him, "You always take off and do things on your own."

Cas smiled and looked at his brother's grumpy demeanour, "Sorry Mike, I know I used to try and dump everything on you."

"No, you always tried not to and made a huge mess." Michael laughed and shook his head, "I guess nothing's changed."

"Maybe not," Cas looked at the wall and how he'd cracked it with another stone. All the fissures started at the same spot but broke off wildly in their own directions, it didn't matter they were all caused by the same thing. He stared at it quietly for a while, Michael didn't force conversation on him so they remained that way for a minute or two. "I could be anything," he whispered then.

"You always could."

"Yeah, but I mean…" Cas flexed his wings and glanced back at them, "after everything that's happened. I could still be anything I wanted from before."

Michael watched him and let him think but a smile crept over the older Novak's face. Mike elbowed him lightly, "So then what're you gonna be?"

"I want to sing," Cas decided and looked up at the clouds, "We'll get through this whole being new to the world thing, and once everyone's calmed the fuck down I'll go after that."

"Sounds like you've got it all figured out," Michael mocked and Cas slapped his arm playfully.

"Shut up," he laughed, "I know what I wanna do and that's good enough for now."

"Yeah, we still have to get past some shit before we can just move on from this." Mike sighed and leaned back on his hands, "Do you think they'll tell us everything they figure out?"

"Probably not, but that's alright by me. I don't think I want to know the details of it."

"Yeah, I can understand that."

Cas mimicked his brother's posture, "You ever think about going to see mom and dad?"

"No." Michael's expression didn't change but his tone got a bit darker. "You shouldn't either, Cas."

"Can't I make that choice?"

"Of course, but I don't think you should go, that's all." Michael sighed and looked at Cas with an understanding smile, "I know you want to see them, and you can do that if you think you should or if you need to. But just remember that some people would want to use you, and they might be part of that."

Cas couldn't deny that part, he knew they weren't the best parents in the world but they were still his. He wanted them to be like Jet's mom, or like Bobby; adults he could rely on for support. Of course he had his friends, Bobby included, that he could lean on, but it wasn't quite the same to him. "I need to at least close that chapter on my own." He said flatly and Mike nodded.

"Take someone with you, at least."

"I'll take Dee."


	92. Chapter 92

"So the world wants to know more about the 'angel man,'" Dean said as he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel to the radio, glancing every now and then to Castiel who sat rather uncomfortably beside him.

"Yeah?"

"You don't think you're gonna get swamped by people?"

"I dunno, wasn't thinking about it," Cas' wings adjusted awkwardly in the car, Dean could tell Cas was desperately trying not to bump him. "Think we should go back for my jacket?"

"I put it in the trunk," Dean grinned, a smile that only grew the more he heard Cas laugh.

"Thank you, but you're so mean for letting me think I didn't have it."

"Well you're the one who left without it."

"That's different."

"Uh huh," Dean smirked and reached over to pat Cas' thigh supportively, "Don't worry so much, it's fine. People are going to see your wings, no sense in you having to hide all the time."

Cas shuffled across the large seat and leaned against Dean, just a little so as not to get in the way of his driving, "I hope it's that easy, though I get the feeling I'm not going to be taken so well by everyone."

"You never know, people don't burn one another at the stake anymore."

"Maybe."

Dean knew Cas had a lot on his mind, more than what he could understand. But he didn't want to leave it at that; he wanted to understand more about what Cas was going through. Cas would probably argue that he knew plenty, but Dean didn't see it that way. He wanted to be able to pinpoint what was bothering Cas and be able to fix it.

Then again, that seemed like an impossible dream for any relationship.

"Here," Cas spoke up suddenly and Dean slammed on the brakes.

"Here?" He looked at the house he stopped in front of and Cas shook his head with a soft laugh.

"One back, you passed it." He rubbed Dean's shoulder affectionately

"So you're the passenger type to give me zero heads up about directions," Dean raised an eyebrow at his sheepish boyfriend, "Good to know."

"Shut up, I'm nervous," Cas smiled back, and though it was an excuse Dean still took it seriously.

"Sorry, I know you are. Let's park this thing and get this ball rolling."

"Yeah…" Cas stared out the window the whole time Dean spent finding a space. Dean was used to Cas being quiet but he didn't like the form it was taking, he could practically see the anxiety swarming around Castiel.

"Hey," he reached over and took Cas' hand, "it's okay, Cas. I'm here, it'll be fine."

Castiel's eyes lit up in a way that Dean knew he'd seen before, it happened once in a while but only between the two of them. Cas crawled over and kissed him, it was welcomed but still a surprise to be pulled in so fiercely. Dean happily returned it, grabbing Cas and holding him down until they ended up gasping for breath.

"Thank you," Cas whispered and left one more sweet kiss on Dean's lips. He climbed out first, leaving Dean to sit and contemplate for a moment before knocking on the roof.

"I'm out, I'm coming, I'm here." Dean called dramatically and followed Cas' lead. He looked around at the neighbourhood, it wasn't the lowest class housing he'd seen but he was sure that had something to do with not having to pay for two kids anymore.

Castiel stopped at the front door, hand shaking as it hovered above the doorbell. Dean wrapped his arms around Cas from behind and rested his head over Cas' shoulder. Neither said anything but the message was clear all the same; another kiss was shared just before the bell rang.

Dean didn't know what to expect from the Novaks. From what he'd gathered from Michael he didn't think he'd like them much, but there was always room to be surprised. He put on his best smile as he heard some shuffling on the other side of the door and watched it open. An older woman was standing there, her hair more grey than anything else. She stared for a moment, eyes slowly widening as recognition kicked in.

"Cas?" she asked softly, gaze darting from her son's face to Dean, to the wings arched slightly behind. "You're alright, I can't believe it."

"Hi mom," Cas said before taking another deep breath, "It's… been a while."

Dean wasn't sure if he should even be standing there, but it was way too late to question that. He waited until the disbelief had settled a little before he reached out to her, "Hello Mrs. Novak, I'm Dean Winchester."

She shook his hand with a slightly confused smile, "Hello."

"Oh, uh" Cas looked like a deer caught in some headlights but he stammered through the introductions all the same. "Dee this is my mom, Amelia. Mom, this is my boyfriend."

Dean felt the pull on her hand almost immediately and looked at her face. He didn't like the expression he found there; a look of horror barely masked by something mistaken for understanding.

"Oh Cas," she sighed and moved to hug Castiel, which he allowed. Dean stared at the two of them; he heard footsteps in the house but kept his focus on his angel instead. "I'm so sorry we let Michael take you, that must've been hard."

"It was alright," Cas didn't sound terribly comfortable either; he glanced at Dean when his mom wouldn't quite let go when he thought she would. It wasn't a frantic look, just a shared expression. "I was actually pretty happy with him, he took care of me."

Amelia smiled sadly at him as she stepped back again, "I'm glad to hear that, at least. And I'm happy you came home, we can help you, too."

"I didn't come here for help-"

"Is that Castiel?" A man Dean could only imagine was Cas' father stepped out the door and went to hug his son. "We heard you went missing years ago, I thought you were dead."

Cas hugged back, Dean didn't get a bad sense from that hug like he had the other one; he couldn't help but look at Amelia to make sure he knew what she was up to. There was something about her expression earlier that made him feel sick, even though it was covered up by awe while she stared at Cas' real wings.

"How did you get these?" She asked and touched one, Cas instantly curled it in and a sharp blue light flashed. Dean tensed but knew that Cas had control over most of himself, there wouldn't be any jaw-dropping scares coming. He had to remind himself that it was just a nervous reflex, a reflection of how Cas was feeling.

However both his parents were shocked by it, maybe a little more surprised by the wings but scared of the way Cas' eyes seared them.

"Please don't touch those," Cas regained his composure and took Dean's hand firmly. "I wanted to see you because I didn't get to have the conversation that we should've had; I'm gay and this is my boyfriend." He paused and joined Dean in just watching their expressions. "I know you don't approve, you don't need to tell me what you think of this. I've been out of your life longer than the four years I was abducted for, but I didn't have the courage to say this to you then. I let Michael fight for me, and while that was more than enough, I needed to do this for me."

"Castiel," his mom started and Cas looked at her seriously, "honey, I'm so sorry. We love you and missed you so much."

Dean wasn't sure if he was misjudging them based on previous information, maybe he was just being an asshole and assuming the worst. He glanced at Cas too, who also had a softened look.

"Come on inside, son," Cas' dad added gently, "we can talk this out."

Cas smiled a little and looked up at Dean who smiled back as reassuringly as he could. Cas' face seemed to brighten up and he nodded, "Okay, that sounds good." They started to head in but Cas' dad put a hand up to stop Dean.

"Not you, boy." The man frowned deeply and Dean felt his blood boil.

"Why not?" He tried to ask nicely but his tone still had an edge to it.

"If he doesn't go in then neither do I." Cas stated firmly.

"Sweetheart there are people you can talk to about this now, we won't let him get in the way of your healing. You're our angel, we'll take care of you." His mom explained sweetly and it almost made Dean snap.

"He _is_ my healing!" Cas shouted angrily, glowing eyes and even a low growl in his throat. "And Michael's the one who always took care of me, I've never needed you."

"Castiel calm down." His dad tried to take control of the situation but Cas started walking back to the car. "Castiel!"

"I've said what I needed to say," Cas snarled over his shoulder, "And I can tell that you two haven't changed. I hope you can live with yourselves, god knows that your children couldn't."

Dean awkwardly shuffled away from the Novaks and just started walking after Cas, no need to start anything extra. "I never got your dad's name," he said humourously when he caught up, Cas just rolled his eyes and got into the car.

Not daring to sit near that house too long, Dean started driving slowly as he listened to the seething breaths of his baby. "I'm sorry," he said softly and caught the little way Cas' breathing shifted to a sigh instead.

"It's not your fault,"

"I know, but I'm sorry it didn't happen the way you wanted it to." He glanced away from the road for a sec, just to see the way Cas was staring blankly through the windshield. "Some people don't change."

"I hate the way they looked at me…" Cas slumped back tiredly, "Like some kind of possession they could reclaim or something."

"I think they focused a little too hard on that angel thing," Dean added and Cas actually laughed a little.

"Yeah, like 'come here my pretty!'" he mimicked witchily, enjoying the reference a little too much. He cleared his throat and sat more upright, "I didn't really expect them to take it well, I just wish it could've been all yelling or all genuine caring. I hate feeling like the bad guy."

"You weren't the bad guy," Dean reached over and took Cas' hand again; he really liked holding it. "I thought you were being nice, I would've given them way more shit."

Cas giggled and shuffled to sit in the middle of the seat, "Thanks Dee, I needed that."

"It's one of the reasons you keep me around." Dean pecked his cheek quickly and earned himself a soft kiss in return. They cranked the tunes after that and drove around a little while; Dean didn't want to go back to the hotel and everyone else just yet. He wanted to give Cas a little unwinding time, just the two of them and the roads Dean happened to pick – intelligently staying away from the mansion until Cas requested to go there.

"Are you sure?" he asked after turning the music down just enough to be able to converse properly. "It's a crime scene."

"I know, I just want to go by the area and see if they're already investigating." Cas shrugged sheepishly, "Sorry, I'm a little nosy."

"Nah, I kinda wanted to go check it out too," Dean smirked and changed their course, going inside was out of the question but lurking on the side of the road worked with him just fine. They stopped on the shoulder at the end of the long-ass driveway, Dean felt strange about it but not enough to get him to turn and run. He took a deep inhale from his medication as Cas climbed out of the car.

They could see the vehicles up in front of the mansion, some just regular cars and the others larger, armored van looking things. Dean didn't doubt for a second that those were the containers meant to move what was left of the living clones. He got out of the car and looked at Cas, more interested in his reaction than staring at cops.

"What're you thinking?" He prompted and Cas turned to him.

"I'm thinking… I'm going to be alright." Cas smiled warmly, a look that Dean couldn't argue with even if he wanted to.


	93. Chapter 93

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys have been so lovely to me, I don't know what to say anymore. I'm really grateful for everything, your support means a lot to me even if I haven't responded to you directly. Thanks so much everyone. I hope you enjoy the new update :)

It was a little over a week before anyone heard back about the mansion. Jet hadn't wanted to move about a lot so he just paid for everyone to stay in the hotel rooms until it was all said and done. Sam worked hard to catch up and finish what was left of his high school work and officially graduate, Dean said he didn't think it'd matter too much one way or another. Sam would get his diploma, even if it wasn't with the rest of the class it was probably still worth more. Or maybe that was just the big brother in him talking, Cas wasn't really sure.

What he did know was that he enjoyed living in the hotel. It wasn't the biggest space but there was a swimming pool that had a water slide, which was all he really cared to know. The food service was good, and he enjoyed talking to the staff after their initial shock over his appearance. No one in their group was really used to that sort of treatment, either. Everyone tried to do things on their own or acted as though they were poor in a ritzy place. Cas didn't blame them, he still wasn't used to it either. Always expecting the dream to end and money to dry up.

Most of the team hung out in Sam and Jet's suite, it was the biggest one after Jet upgraded to it, even had a hot tub in the middle of the room. Cas liked to sit on the edge with his feet in the water right by the high-pressure jets; Desirae spent quite a bit of time in it too.

"Anyone get any calls yet?" Charlie asked as she walked into the suite to join the rest of them, a tray of fancily set up fruits in her hand.

"Nope," Jet stated as he stole one, "I think they'll get back to us once they actually find stuff."

"This whole thing is pretty much out of our hands," Sam said matter-of-factly, "We're not really entitled to much information anymore, as far as I see it."

"I think they'll let us know," Cas was confident though the others' reactions weren't quite as compelling.

"I dunno, I think Sam's right." Dean looked at Cas apologetically, "The police aren't known to share a lot of their info."

"But this is a case regarding me, I think they have to tell us something." Cas argued and though no one was quite on his side he didn't care, he had some faith left in humanity. "Even if they don't have to, I think they will."

"If it helps you sleep at night," Jet shrugged it off as he picked up his vibrating phone, "Hey, this is Jet."

Cas didn't think much of the call until he noticed Jet's expression change a little. He didn't like to use his heightened senses against anyone but eavesdropping was far too tempting.

" _Hello, this is officer Donna callin', we got some news on your case."_

"Alright, what is it?"

Cas didn't really think Jet's harsh approach was necessary, Donna sounded really nice.

" _Well it's about the little one, Desirae-"_

"What about her?" Jet's expression darkened and everyone was looking at him after that little outburst. Cas noticed Desirae's ears were up, he was sure she'd be listening too.

" _I'm gettin' to that if you'd let me finish. The team assigned to your case uncovered some files regarding Desirae and we found where her original parents were from."_

As Donna went on Cas watched Jet's face as it became more and more anxious. Desirae's parents were from a state over, Desirae had gone missing as a toddler and her full name was Desirae Teagen Stenberg.

"So…" Jet said after Donna paused, "What now?"

" _Well that's where this gets a little… messy. Desirae's parents died in a car accident, she was abducted from an orphanage in Missouri called A Gift of Hope. There had been immediate family members on their way from out of the country to pick her up before she'd been taken. We've contacted them about the situation and they said they'd like to meet with you and her."_

Jet glanced over at Cas first, it was meant to be an exchanged look but all Cas could think about was how he'd be caught eavesdropping on the conversation.

"Alright," Jet relented, "When?"

" _They will be arriving this evening, we'll give you a call when you can come to precinct."_

"Sure, thanks Donna." He sighed and moved his left arm a little, Cas imagined it would be an absent-minded gesture like putting his hand in his hair. That was a common one with Jet, anyway. Jet just looked down again and frowned like he tended to do whenever he forgot about it, "One more thing, any information on the investigation and the mansion?"

" _There's a little but Captain Stevens would like to tell you when we have more information."_

"So we're going to be told what's up?"

" _As far as what I've been told, yeah. Don'tcha worry, we'll catch these guys."_

Jet smirked and nodded, "Alright, thanks a lot, see you later." He hung up and shoved his phone in his pocket, Sam was at his side in a second.

"What is it?"

"Dean's officer called," Jet shrugged, "Turns out Desirae's relatives are gonna be in town tonight and they want to meet with us."

"My relatives?" Desirae peered at him from the hot tub, "My biological parents?"

"Not exactly," Jet walked over to the tub and sat on the edge of it next to her. He smiled gently and touched the side of her head, "I know you heard that," he whispered softly and she looked away. "What part did you want me to explain?"

Desirae climbed out of the water and into Jet's lap, "Nothing," she leaned against him and he put his arm around her comfortingly. "I'm okay."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." She smiled up at Jet though Cas could see a hint a nervousness in her face. Jet didn't seem to fall for it much either, he raised his eyebrow at her and Desirae's smile faded slowly. "Okay… I'm a little worried."

"Me too," Jet kissed her cheek and hugged her as best he could despite not being used to his limb shortage.

"What if I have to go with them?" Rae asked quietly, Jet's hold tightened a little.

"I'll fight for you, don't worry."

Cas didn't doubt he would, hell, Jet would probably kidnap her and run if he was told he wasn't allowed to keep her. "Did you guys want more company?" Cas asked and Jet shook his head.

"Other than Sam, I think we're good. Thanks, though."

"No problem." Cas offered a thumb's up with one hand and took some of Charlie's fruit with the other. "So what do we do now?"

"Well," Bobby spoke up and they all looked at him, Cas was a little surprised by how much respect Bobby commanded just by being in the area. "Nikki and I were talkin', we think you should start looking for a new place to live."

Jet raised an eyebrow and looked at his mom, "Tired of the hotel?"

"You can't live out of a hotel forever," she replied with a similarly raised brow and Jet looked scolded for about a second. "We should start looking at decent places."

"I kind of agree," Sam admitted, "Sitting here is nice but we should look for our new home, don't you think?"

Cas looked at Dean who was smiling, "What are some things you think it absolutely has to have?" He was mostly asking Dean but he wanted to hear some ideas from the others too.

"It's gotta have an awesome bathroom," Dean didn't hesitate with that one, "And a good kitchen. Lots of counter space."

"I think customizable bedrooms is what I'm looking for," Sam added, "A space I can make my own."

"Good sitting area," Jet continued the list with a smirk, "We need to have room to throw parties."

"I like an open concept, something with high ceilings," Cas glanced back at his wings, "Not that I'd fly indoors, it'd just be nice."

"So big windows, maybe?" Dean looked at him curiously and he nodded.

"Yeah, that sounds nice."

"We need a lawn!" Desirae chimed in excitedly, "Lots of grass and space to run-"

"And someone to mow that shit," Jet ruffled her hair.

"Well there aren't any 'build your own house' things unless we literally want to build it," Charlie pointed out, "So maybe we should start shopping around and see what we can find."

"Yeah," the group agreed.

"I just wanted to hear what everyone else wanted," Cas smiled a little and Dean pulled him over, he practically fell into Dean's lap. With a giggle he started kissing Dean quickly and probably too many times by anyone else's count. They toppled over, laughing together while the others tried to continue conversations about housing. Cas didn't care where they ended up as long as Dean was with him; that was the biggest thing he expected from any home he had.

Not too long after that Jet, Desirae, and Sam dressed as nicely as they could and headed out to meet the other family. Cas wished them well but gave Desirae a strong hug just in case; he didn't know what would happen there but he'd never forgive himself if he didn't do it and then never saw her again.

"Whatever happens, you'll be okay." He told her as he let go, gently brushing some curls away from her face.

"Thanks Cas," she rubbed her eyes with a nervous smile on her face, "You too."

She went to Nikki next who coddled her and gave her a kiss or two. It was sweet but Cas was starting to feel a weight in his chest. It had to be anxiety or stress, but it still made him more nervous to know it was there at all.

Once everyone got to give Desirae their well wishes, she was off with her dads. Cas watched the door even after it had closed, listening to the distant footsteps in the hall until he finally couldn't hear them anymore.

"It's alright, Cas." Dean kissed his cheek, "I'm pretty sure she'll be back in no time."

"Yeah…" Cas said distantly and leaned against Dean again, "You're probably right. I just-"

"No," Dean kissed him again, "No doubts, she'll be back."

Cas smiled and nuzzled Dean affectionately, "Alright, alright."

With Charlie's laptop set up they started searching for possible homes, locations were discussed and debated over by others but Cas just listened. He mostly just wanted to see photos of it to know how open it was. Modern mansions were the goal that time around, no one wanted any reminders of the older structure of MacLeod's place. It was nice to look at but it was too uncomfortable to really live in. Cas nearly argued no basements, but he knew that he could just decide to not go down if they ended up getting one.

After just a little while of checking out modern rich housing the group realized that just about anything was super nice to them. Rich tastes were acquired and nobody had them yet, which meant that the only real argument was location. A question of what college would people be going to, whether it'd be in town, outside of town, or on the outskirts, things like that. Those options didn't get Castiel's interest either, aside from the idea of going to a musical college.

"You really don't care?" Dean looked at him and Cas just shrugged.

"Well I don't want to be in the middle of town, if that's what you mean?"

"Yeah, but also climate, what state you want to be in?"

"Something more… open minded would be nice."

"Alright, good point." Charlie was always supportive, Cas was so glad to have that back.

"What about LA?" Michael offered and there was a mixed reaction.

"We might see some celebrities," Dean grinned, a little sparkle in his eyes.

"There are so many people there," Charlie crinkled her nose, "Sooooo many people."

"I might make it big with singing," Cas was excited because Dean was excited, which resulted in him trying to defend the position despite not actually caring. Love was an odd paradox to him sometimes.

"That's kinda what I was thinking," Michael chuckled.

"Would be a bit of a trip to visit," Bobby mused and Cas watched Dean start to reconsider his previous disposition on the subject. "But you guys might have better university options."

"We can pay to fly you out," Charlie laughed at Bobby who lit up at the mention.

"Oh yeah…"

"I'm down for LA," Nikki stated prominently, "Jet and I used to live in New York, we can handle it."

"You did?" Cas looked up, a little surprised. "I thought he met Dean and Sam when he was little?"

"Yeah, but before that we lived in New York."

Charlie scoffed with a laugh, "So he's good with big cities based on his two-year-old experience? Yeah, that's dependable."

"He's flexible," Nikki brushed it off. "I can teach you guys some 'big city living tips.'"

Cas was looking forward to living with all those people more and more as he listened to them.


	94. Chapter 94

Desirae held Jet's hand each time she got the chance, wishing she could climb on his shoulders but knowing that was a bad move. Part of her knew she could speak up if things didn't go well at the meeting, but another part was sure it wouldn't matter if she did. It wasn't simple and it wasn't easy, she could understand that much.

It was frustrating sometimes, being part Castiel and the rest herself. She was half a clone of him and his mind was older than hers, it made for some intense clashing anytime she thought about it too long. It made her wonder how many of her thoughts were hers. Or what was influenced by Castiel's DNA? Did it matter?

She felt different from Cas, she was sure that she thought different from him too. But every once in a while they synced up, and it didn't bug her unless she tried to figure out details like she was doing at that moment. She told herself it didn't matter, she liked Cas and he was a great person. So what if she was similar to him? Jet loved her already and he hadn't known her before she was a petri dish of genetics and mutations. Hell, she didn't even know herself before all the experiments either.

So it didn't matter what she was mixed with or what she thought she ought to be. It didn't stop her from thinking about it, but at least she knew that much.

On the other hand, the people they were about to meet mattered in a different sense of the word. These people could legally say she belonged with them instead and the police would enforce that. Even if she was 80% Castiel they could still demand she live with them and it'd be legal.

Desirae held tighter to Jet's hand as they walked up the steps of the police station, her heart was in her throat. She didn't want to be away from Jet and Sam, she didn't want to be away from Cas who was the only person she could really talk about the experiments with. She wanted to stay with her family, the people that saved her life.

"Rae?" Sam interrupted her train of worries as he touched her arm gently, "You look pale, are you alright?"

"She's scared," Jet answered for her and she nodded in agreement.

"It'll be fine," Sam tried to be reassuring but she knew that he couldn't possibly have control over the situation. Of course he wanted her to stay with them, of course he'd do what he could to keep her there. But they all knew how far they'd get if the other side wasn't on the same page.

She nodded at Sam and glanced at Jet who held up a confident smile. Maybe they had a plan? She couldn't be sure if they did but she wanted to think it was true, that was comforting at least.

They walked inside and were immediately flagged down by Donna, "Hey good to see you, Desirae's uncle is already waitin' for ya."

"Awesome," Jet fake smiled and led the way inside the room Donna was gesturing to, Desirae right behind him. She looked up at a man sitting at the only table, he was older than Jet but still younger than Bobby. The stranger stared at her for a few seconds before rising from his chair and walking closer.

"Desirae?" he asked in a way to clarify he was seeing the right kid.

Rae looked up at Jet and Sam again, both giving her space to do as she pleased but not leaving her unguarded. She was safe, whatever happened next was alright, she was safe. Desirae took a deep breath and nodded, "Yeah… who are you?"

"I'm your mom's brother, uncle Dwayne. Man, last time I saw you, you were just a baby." He smiled and knelt down to get a better look at her.

Rae exhaled and stepped a little closer to Jet's leg, trying to calm down wasn't working as well as she had planned it. "What'd they tell you about me?" She asked as neutrally as she could, spitting venom wasn't an animal trait she had but metaphorically anyone could do it.

"A lot," Dwayne smiled sadly and looked up at the two accompanying her, "You guys must be Sam and Jet?"

"That's us," Sam stuck his hand out in a friendlier way than Desirae thought he might, "Sam Winchester."

Dwayne took his hand and shook firmly, "Dwayne Lerone," he said proudly and turned his hand to Jet who looked at it skeptically first.

"Jet," he stated simply with little emotion if any. "What're you looking to do here, Dwayne?"

Dwayne was a little surprised by Jet's defensiveness but he didn't seem put off by it, "I'm looking to see how my niece is doing after finding out she's been alive all these years. I heard you did a lot for her, I wanted to thank you for that too."

Desirae furrowed her brow and glanced up at Jet again whose expression had softened considerably. "Oh," he blinked a few times and rubbed the back of his head, "Well you're welcome, I guess?"

"They told me about what happened," Dwayne stood up and dusted off his slacks, "about the crazy experiments and what you and your friends sacrificed." He looked at Jet's loose sleeve, "You especially, so I heard."

Jet shrugged, "She's worth it; I'd do it again if I had to."

"I believe it." Her uncle chuckled and looked back at her, he seemed much warmer than before. Though she figured it might have something to do with her own disposition on the topic rather than him actually changing so quickly. "After hearing your story I did some thinking, since I had time before you got here. And I decided that I'd open up my home to you but you can choose where you wanted to go."

Desirae's eyes lit up, "Really?"

"Really." He smiled with a slight nod, "And of course you can have our contact information no matter which place you decide to go to."

She rubbed her eyes quickly, "Thank you," it was hard to say as emotions rose but she managed it. "Thank you so much."

"She was really scared," Sam explained softly while she tried to compose herself. Jet knelt down beside her and gave her a hug, she climbed right into it. He'd been able to support her with one arm before, she figured close to the ground it'd be possible to do without adrenaline.

"After the things I heard, I'm a little surprised I'm something to be afraid of," Dwayne looked at her apologetically.

"Nah, don't worry about it." Jet smirked as she clung to him, "It's not the same kind of fear."

"Gotcha," Dwayne looked at Donna, "So how do we make this official?"

"Well we'd just need to call in the right folks, getcha to sign some papers and you'll be on yer way." She smiled brightly and stepped out of the room. "Be right back!"

"So where you going, kiddo?" Jet asked and she could tell by his tone that he was barely being serious. They both knew what she'd say.

"I wanna go home with you guys," she hugged him tightly and stayed there as long as he'd let her.

Dwayne nodded, still smiling. "Yeah, I kinda thought so."

"Another person who'd been abducted lives with us," Sam explained, "She talks with him about what happened, so-"

"You don't need to justify it," Dwayne assured him, "I can tell where she's happy and that's what matters." He looked at Desirae warmly, "Your momma woulda been proud of you."

She wasn't sure what to do with that information but it made her heart feel heavy and light at the same time. Like she knew she'd missed out on something great, but at the same time felt awesome that her biological parents would be happy for her. "Thanks Uncle Dwayne," Desirae said with a smile and went to hug him too.

The next little while was a bit boring as Sam and Jet had to figure out a bunch of paperwork with her uncle, but she'd gotten the family contact info so there was that. Desirae sat on a chair listening for what felt like hours until they were finally let go.

"All done," Jet finished filling out the work with a signature and peered down at her as she drooped across the chair pretending she was more liquid than solid. "Guess who is now officially your dad, sweetheart?"

"Is it Sam?" She grinned as Sam started laughing at Jet's slight deflation.

"Not yet," he ruffled her hair and turned a more serious eye on Sam, "or ever if he keeps laughing at me."

"Yeah, yeah." Sam kissed his cheek, "You're all bark."

Desirae hopped into Jet's lap and tried to hug them both, as soon as her attempts were noticed they moved closer to make it easier. She didn't know what to say but they usually had an idea of what she was feeling.

"Seeing you all together gives me a lot of confidence in that decision," Dwayne stated as he got up from his seat, "I'm glad I didn't make any rash choices."

"I wouldn't have been easy to push back," Jet laughed and reached over to shake Dwayne's hand again.

"Hell, I can't argue with a man who'd rip his own arm off to save a little girl's life. Let's be in touch, Jet."

"I'd like that," Jet grinned.

A few final goodbyes were in order and then the little trio watched Dwayne drive off. Jet nodded a few times and looked at Sam, "Seems like a cool guy."

"Yeah, I appreciate what he did." Sam looked down at Rae, his mouth curved up slightly but his eyes seemed to be more distant. "If it were me and I was going to pick up a kid Dean left behind after dying, I'm not sure I could just walk away like that."

"Maybe he didn't like his sister." Desirae offered cheerfully and Sam's seriousness shattered the second he started snickering.

"I'm not gonna look a gift horse in the mouth," Jet turned back toward Donna, "Let us know when we can talk about the MacLeod shit, okay?"

"Will do." She gave a thumb's up. "They got a team up there every day, a specialist is comin' in to check on the you-know-whats tomorrow."

With that they walked out of the station again, Desirae felt a lot lighter and was pretty damn sure she needed a nap.

"Sounds like we'll be hearing about it soon," Sam mused out loud, "I wonder what kind of specialist they called in?"

"Animal specialist? Cloning expert? I dunno, a scientist probably." Jet shrugged and took up Desirae's hand as soon as he noticed she was reaching for it. "I wouldn't worry about it, I'm pretty sure we're out of the thick of it now."

"I guess so," Sam ran his hand through his hair, pushing his bangs off his face. "Kinda weird being out of it after keeping it to ourselves for so long, huh?"

"I'm just glad we didn't get in trouble for that." Jet laughed as he spoke, "I just want to be able to live now, you know? No more life and death shit, just dealing with assholes staring at us from across the street." He'd raised his voice for the last part and turned to look at some people who were not very discreetly trying to take pictures.

Desirae looked at them, they seemed younger than Sam but she wasn't really sure. Even with her dad shouting they didn't really stop, possibly because they didn't hear but she thought maybe they just didn't care.

"Hold on a sec," Jet told her as he let go and started going after them but Sam caught the back of his shirt. "You want a fuckin' photo?!" He kept yelling anyway, not bothering to fight Sam's silent 'stay here' command. "What kind of creep takes pictures of a little girl from across the street? Yeah I'm talking about you! Right there by the fuckin' mailbox. Yeah, you two! Fuck you!"

"Okay that's enough," Sam started to lead them away while Jet screamed dramatically and Desirae tried not to laugh at him.


	95. Chapter 95

Cas was sprawled across Dean's lap while he just lied around the hotel. Desirae had come back to them the same day, which had been about a week prior. By then Sam had already written all of his final exams and was waiting for his diploma to be picked up. Bobby and Nikki had probably played every classic card game Cas knew of and then some. Dean tinkered with his car and did a few repairs to curb boredom. They were all pretty tired of it.

Not that Cas didn't want to spend time with everyone, but it felt like they were tied down. They had to wait for the investigation to close so they couldn't really go off and hunt for houses. He didn't like feeling stuck, that was probably the worst part. In fact he really enjoyed having everyone in the same room, even if they were all doing nothing. At least Sam and Jet sounded excited about the idea of moving to LA.

Speaking of, the two had mentioned something about there being a specialist called in for the clones and they expected to be contacted soon. Cas wasn't sure what their definition of soon was, but his was apparently different and a much shorter amount of time.

He was at his wit's end with the waiting and was ready to just go out and fly around the town for no reason whatsoever. So, when he heard Dean's phone ring he jumped for it; that was the number they'd given to the police to contact and therefore any call on Dean's phone was for him, probably.

"Hello?"

_"Hello, this is Captain Stevens, is Castiel Novak there?"_

"Speaking," Cas lit up and settled on the spot he'd landed, not caring where it was or that he'd disturbed Charlie's solitaire game.

_"We've compiled the case evidence and we'd appreciate it you would come in. There are some questions about a few things, as well."_

"I'll be there, is it alright if I bring Dee-uh-Dean with me?"

_"Sure, we don't need the whole team though."_

"Right, thanks a lot, we'll be right on our way!" Cas hung up and looked at Dean with lively eyes, "You and me are going to the police station."

"You and I," Sam corrected absently as he looked at his phone, and Jet hit him with a pillow for it.

"What happened?" Dean slowly sat upright, his hair was a fluffy mess and Cas couldn't help but steal a kiss real quick.

"They have information on this whole thing, let's go." He tugged at Dean's arm a few times before hopping up and fluttering toward the door.

"Is this a group thing?" Jet asked from his lazy position next to Sam who was clearly considering getting vengeance for the pillow thing.

"They asked for me and are allowing Dee to be there, so I don't think so." Cas felt a little bad about that, everyone had been involved in it. It didn't seem right to leave them behind. "You know what? Everyone can come if they want to, we're in this thing together."

"Damn right," Charlie cheered and climbed up to her feet, "Let's do this!"

Cas knew he'd made the right choice when everyone in the room stood up from where they were sitting. Even if they didn't say anything he was sure he'd feel much better knowing they were right behind him.

* * *

 

"Uhhh…" Stevens eyed the team then looked at Castiel who held the most serious face he could muster. "Alright then, come in… everyone…" He opened the door where there were only three chairs and a table. Jet was one of the first ones to take a chair, Desirae in his lap and Sam standing behind him. Cas made sure Dean got one too and did the same as Sam, staying as a silent support of sorts behind his boy.

"Thanks for not objecting," Cas said and Stevens just smiled as he took the opposite chair.

"I figure your group has gone through enough already, no need for me to be spiteful." He placed a folder on the table and opened it. "Let's just get this rolling then, I'm sure you've all been antsy to hear about how the investigation's going."

"Fuck yeah we are," Jet blurted out and Desirae immediately went to high-five him. Sam wasn't as impressed but he didn't say anything, just a light ruffling of Jet's hair. Cas gently forced Dean's thumb's up toward Jet down, as well. He didn't want to encourage that any more than Sam did.

Stevens didn't seem to care, he just smirked and plucked out a few pages, "Well I'll start by saying we've cracked the encryptions so every file is open to us. This is a list of the individuals who were involved with MacLeod's work."

Cas' gaze was very stuck to the first page; right off the bat he felt like a weight was placed in front of him. Normally it would make his mind or chest heavy with just the thought, but instead it just sat there on the table in front of him. He could pick it up if he wanted or he could ignore it, he had no idea if knowing that information would help him or hurt him.

Dean on the other hand didn't hesitate and took the pages for himself, it was just a bunch of names from what Cas could see over his shoulder. Cas didn't recognize any of them and he doubted that Dean did either.

"Do you know these people?" Stevens asked the group as a whole which led to people leaning in. Dean started listing off the names, Cas figured to reduce crowding.

No one reacted much; there were a few names that rang a bell but not much more than that. Michael knew more names than anyone else, but that was because he'd been in the same place for so long. Each time Mike spoke up he had to fill out what information he knew about them and how he knew them. And though it was annoying he still spoke up every time, Cas was so happy to have him there though he could tell some of the others were hoping Mike didn't know anyone else.

When it was finally done Michael was shaking out his wrist from having to write so much. "Thank you, Mr. Novak." The captain smiled as he took the small pile they'd gotten from Michael's info. "We'll be looking into each one of these people and they'll be questioned and charged appropriately. You don't have to be present for their trials but you're welcome to attend." He stated politely though Cas could tell that he said things like that often. It was alright, he didn't really need a personal speech but he wouldn't have minded not noticing either.

"So now what?" Jet asked simply and Stevens looked at him a little more seriously.

"Well, I wanted to speak to a few of you about a separate matter involving the remaining living beings in the laboratories."

Cas looked at the others then back to the captain, "Which few? Is it alright if we all hear it?"

"Just the ones involved with the cloning process, but if the three of you are alright with it then I'll proceed."

"Three?" Desirae asked and looked at Cas, "There's just us two."

"Did another one start talking?" Cas furrowed his brow, he couldn't place the feeling that starting forming in his abdomen but he didn't like it much.

Stevens shook his head, "No, no, actually I were referring to Jet."

Jet raised an eyebrow, "Me? I didn't…" he slowed down and glanced back at Sam who touched his shoulder.

"We found five living clones of Castiel and one of you, I wanted to discuss your thoughts on what to do with them next." He looked at the three separately, "Did you want this to be a private conversation?"

"I don't mind if they hear," Cas replied first and turned to Jet and Desirae who both nodded. Jet was a little slower.

"Yeah," Rae stated, "I don't care; they can listen."

"They can stay," Jet agreed quietly, Cas could tell he was a little more distracted after that bit of news.

"Alright," Stevens nodded, "Then I'll tell you what we're willing to do for them. In order to find out more about their mental state and how they function they'll be placed in a special rehabilitation facility. There they will be monitored and treated, and if all goes well, hopefully integrated into society."

Cas didn't know the likelihood of their success, but he liked the idea of it. Of course, that was assuming that it was what captain Stevens said it was. "This isn't another testing facility, is it?"

"There would be tests done but only to better their lives. At the moment no one knows how their bodies work, if they carry new diseases, or what to do if they get sick. And I assure you, they're very unwell."

He didn't doubt that, starvation wasn't a kind thing to do to the body. "I appreciate the honesty," Cas said but left it at that. He wasn't sure what he wanted to do with what was left of his clones. Part of him, the feral part, wanted them all dead. That way he'd be safe from them forever. However he couldn't stop thinking about the failed one that survived long enough for him to find it and take it outside. If that one was capable of feeling then so were the others.

"Do you really think they can be integrated?" Sam asked hesitantly, "They were pretty nasty."

"Nah, they were a great group of guys," Dean remarked sarcastically and Jet tried hard not to laugh, he didn't succeed but Cas commended the effort.

"We can't be sure, but it's worth a try." Stevens answered once Jet and Dean seemed to be done giggling. "This isn't a case we've had often, it's difficult to say exactly what will happen."

"I got a question," Jet spoke up again, "What the hell is up with my clone? Where'd you find it?"

"There was a separate room built for it, looks exactly like you but doesn't talk or do much." Stevens was as objective as he could be though everyone seemed to be on the same page. Jet shuddered and looked like he might be sick, though he just nodded and gestured for the conversation to carry on with a wave of his hand.

"So then if they are society-ready at the end of all this," Dean started after the pause lingered too long, "do they just go off as regular citizens?"

"That depends on how they turn out, but if all goes well and they recover like normal humans then probably."

"That's a resounding maybe," Jet grinned at Dean, probably trying to think about anything else at that point.

"They didn't ask to be made," Sam looked at his brother solemnly, "If they can be helped then I think it's worth a shot, we can't do much other than watch them. And I don't know about you, but I think we've got our hands full right now."

"Yeah, yeah," Dean waved him off, "I get it, I was just wondering what it'd look like."

Cas felt naïve for thinking it, but he wanted to believe everything would be alright with the authorities taking over everything. Nothing could be worse than what MacLeod did, as far as he was concerned. At least they had the decency to try and put a positive spin on it, give them an optimistic outlook on the situation's finale.

"Hey," Cas fidgeted with the part of Dean's shirt closest to his fingers, catching his boyfriend's attention despite his intent directed at the captain. "What if something happens to me? I don't have a normal medical history either."

Stevens paused and tapped his fingers to chin a few times as he considered it. "Well, if you'd be comfortable with it, we could have you come in once in a while. Take some blood and run tests for you, try and get some idea of where you're at. The people who take care of your clones would be the ones helping you as well, so you'd get to see the progress each time you visited."

Cas nodded and looked down at Dean, "I just want to make sure I have a doctor of some kind, you know?"

Dean reached up and held his hand firmly, "Whatever you think you need, I'm right there with you."

He leaned down and kissed Dean sweetly, "Thank you, Dee."

"It's what I'm here for." Dean smirked and looked back at Stevens, "I'd join him on those visits, I figure that's not an issue?"

"Of course not, Castiel can bring anyone he wants to."

"Do you know what MacLeod was after? Was it government related?" Charlie asked questions Cas was sure had plagued her for a while. Her tone wasn't as polite as Stevens' though; Cas couldn't say he blamed her.

The captain didn't seem phased by it, he just shook his head and did his best to answer her. "From what we've uncovered we can safely say that he was working based out of his own home and that was it. Everything followed his own agenda, and we're certain that he did majority of his experiments for profit. The list of people involved with MacLeod weren't just employees, some of them were buyers as well."

"He sold clones?" Cas asked tentatively, his stomach turning with just the idea that there were others like him out there.

"We're not sure what was sold just yet, once we contact these people we'll have a better idea. MacLeod's human experiments were more recent, his files list animals as his primary subject for most of his years doing this. He must've gotten greedy." Stevens looked pissed, it was subtle but Cas could see it in his face. It wasn't much but it made Cas feel more comfortable talking to him, just knowing he understood their side of what happened.

"Thank you," Charlie said after a moment of contemplation passed.

"Do you think you'll need us in person anymore?" Michael asked next, "We wanted to move out of here, find somewhere else to live that isn't connected to what happened."

"I understand, I think that should be everything as long as we still have your contact information."

"We can call when we get to wherever we're going," Sam confirmed and Stevens agreed that it was alright.

"So that's all?" Jet asked hopefully, "We're free to go?"

"That's it, we'll call you with any updates."

"Can we go outside now?" Desirae asked, her ears perked up and eyes on Jet, then Sam, and then Cas.

"We can do anything we want to," Jet reassured her, "What do you want to do?"

"I wanna be on TV," she stated proudly, "That way everyone can see me all at once and I don't have to tell everybody individually what I am."

Cas choked on a laugh and covered his mouth once he caught it, Dean glanced back at him with a grin.

"Well," Jet raised an eyebrow and looked at Dean and Castiel, "That depends on whether or not our other interest topic wants to come along and help explain it all."

Cas pursed his lips and looked at Desirae who was staring at him intently, baby blues eager as she waited for his answer. Who was he to deny her that kind of quick relief? He had no idea what it'd do for her, or for him. He didn't know if it would be well received or terrible, but it would definitely get their story out there.

"You know what?" He looked at Dean and smiled before turning back to Desirae, "Let's do it, I'm with you."

"Oh boy," Sam chuckled and started walking out of the room, "Here we go with the media circus."

"At least we'll start it on our own this time," Charlie chimed as she raised her hand for a high five from Cas. He made sure to complete it gently, at least by his strength standards anyway.

"Hell yeah, let's take over the world while we're at it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god 95 chapters. I think it's almost done guys, almost there. Lessee... what's on my list... ah, yes. The team needs to move into a new home - we've picked LA for Cas' singing career. Cas needs to start singing - after he and Desirae go and end up on a talk show of some kind that'll be pretty easy. Everybody needs fuckin' therapy. Oh, and one baby needs a prosthetic arm. Am I missing anything lol


	96. Chapter 96

Moving meant packing, and packing meant having to go back to the mansion to get their shit. Dean didn't really have much issue with either of those things, Cas didn't like the idea much though. Luckily Cas didn't have anything to get so it'd just be himself, Sam, Charlie, and Jet who had to go back to the place. Of course Jet wouldn't be able to pack his own stuff very quickly, so Nikki would most likely tag along to help out. Bobby would watch the boys at the mansion, and Cas would probably go to Michael's place and help him pack up.

That was Dean's guess as to how it would all go down, anyway. They had to wait another few days for the mansion to be open to them again, during that time they scouted out some nice places to check in LA.

A few phone calls and Skype viewings later, they had narrowed it down to two different options. All that was left to do was see the places in person and they'd have a home no problem, Dean was really looking forward to that part. The things he didn't want to deal with, however, were the discussions on how everyone would get to Los Angeles in the first place.

Flying was the obvious answer to most people in the group, Dean knew that and he didn't want to bring it up. Maybe if he never mentioned it no one would question why he decided to drive instead. He was resigned to having a quiet drive, probably on his own or with Cas and Desirae to make flying easier for the others. That way he could arrive and join everyone in the new mansion, no extra work on his part.

"You look a little stressed out," Cas approached him so quietly Dean was pretty sure his boyfriend flew down from the top floor.

Dean looked up from where he was checking on his car's engine –after all he had to make sure it was ready for the drive. "How can you tell?" He asked with a smile that Cas didn't seem to buy in the least.

"Because you're fixing your car again."

"I always check on my car."

"Well doing it twice in one day is a bit much," Cas leaned against the Impala and folded his arms over his chest. "I take it this is about a plane to LA?"

Dean bristled at the thought and went back to what he was doing. "You know I don't like flying, especially not in planes."

"I know," Cas replied softly and Dean had to glance up to see his expression. It was thoughtfully concerned at best, though Cas didn't attempt to hide it in any way. "Is there anything we can do to help?"

"Not really," Dean sighed and stepped away from the engine, "I mean, just let me drive my car there instead of making me fly. I can't stop you guys but at least I'll feel better about it."

"I wouldn't go on the plane without you," Cas walked over and draped his arms over Dean's shoulders, wings curling around them to give a little bit of privacy in plain sight. "If you drive I'll come with, if there's no room inside your car then I'll fly above it. Wherever you go I'll follow."

Dean smiled and leaned in for a kiss. "You're the best, Cas."

"I'm also the best Cas," he giggled and left Dean rolling his eyes. "But seriously, it's okay. We'll be fine."

"Yeah, you're probably right." Dean sighed again, this time letting some of his stress go with the air. "You know, we could pack up the other guys while we're waiting for the mansion to open up. Why don't you grab Michael and we can get his stuff?"

"Will that help ease your anxiety?" Cas asked sweetly as he headed back to hotel.

"It'll ease my boredom."

"Fair enough, I'll get Mike and be right back." Cas' wings flared out and he took off, soaring back up to the balcony he'd definitely descended from in the first place. Dean still couldn't get over how much power those wings had to be able to just take off from the ground like that.

He waited about five minutes until he heard a sharp, distant cry from above. Dean looked up again to see Cas coming back down with his brother in his arms, clinging for dear life. While Michael was definitely screaming, Dean still noted how much less dramatic it was compared to how Dean would've been. Just the thought of it made his stomach twist.

"Oh my god," Michael's feet touched the ground, and then his knees and nearly his face if it weren't for Cas not letting go of his arm. "Oh my god." He repeated, breathless and terrified.

"Heya," Dean smirked, knowing full well he shouldn't get cheeky about it because Cas would happily scare the shit out of him too. Not necessarily with flight, but there were other ways.

Michael looked up at him, still hanging all of his support off of Cas' grip on his wrist. He took a breath, looked like he was going to say something more meaningful and just came up with the same thing. "Oh my god."

"You're okay," Cas carefully helped Michael back up to his feet, "I had you the whole time."

Michael nodded a few more times than he needed to and ran his hand through his hair in an attempt to fix it. "Yeah, sure, I'm good, no problem."

Dean did his best not to laugh, using his phone as an excuse to keep himself occupied. He got a text immediately from Jet; it was a video titled 'Check it out.' Dean tapped it and watched as Jet lifted the camera from his lap and just barely caught Cas picking Michael up in the hotel room.

" _No, no, no, no. Cas no, wait! Let's take the elevator! CAAAAAAASSSSSSsssss…."_ The final shriek fading had him laughing right along with Jet in the video just before it ended.

"Oh my god," Dean quoted through his snickering, there was no stopping it.

Cas smiled sheepishly as Michael finally got his bearings enough to glare. "Sorry, it was just faster this way."

"Yeah, yeah," Michael exhaled agitatedly and flicked Dean's ear as he passed by. "Quit laughing and get in."

"Yes sir," Dean said with as straight a face as he could muster, not that he could muster much at that point. He smiled at Cas who laughed awkwardly and climbed into the car like he was told.

The drive was quiet but Dean was looking forward to seeing where Cas used to live, he hadn't been there yet. As he'd expected, the area wasn't the nicest in town but it was still homely to him. After all he grew up at Bobby's place which was no sunshine valley either.

"Tah-dah, Pismo Beach and all the clams you can eat," Michael uttered as he walked in, "Welcome back, Cas."

Castiel looked around at the immediate area, his mouth slightly open as he saw how dusty it was. Michael hadn't exactly left the place a disaster, there were a few stray items, but mostly it looked untouched. Save for a few spots where he probably ate dinner or watched TV.

"Mike, I'm so sorry." Cas whispered like he'd just realized it all over again.

"Don't give me that, we talked about this." Michael raised a hand to shush him. "It's alright, I'm coming with you now, remember?"

"Yeah," Cas wiped his eyes and nodded, trying to smile brightly for his brother. "Yeah, you're right. Let's get what we can salvage and go."

"I told you it wasn't going to be much," Michael looked around, "I mean, most of my stuff is junk. I guess just some clothes and sentimental things…"

"It's always more than you expect and less than you think," Dean rolled up his sleeves and the three got to work. The job took about two hours, Dean was surprised at just how little Michael got by with other than Castiel's old room.

That space had been left as it was, sure Michael hadn't cleaned it so the layer of dust was a little worse, but according to Cas it was exactly the same.

"I can't believe you didn't move anything," Cas walked around, looking at his old stuff and wiping his hand along the first surface he could.

"Well I wanted you to have a space when you came back," Michael looked at the room in a way that told Dean he'd done it thousands of times before that moment. "After I realized you might not… well I couldn't bring myself to deal with it so I left it. And then I had left it so long that I decided I might as well continue leaving it."

Cas smiled sadly at him, "It's okay now, but I'm still sorry that happened."

"Yeah, me too." Michael returned the look almost flawlessly.

Although Cas and Michael were having a moment about the room and everything that had happened, Dean couldn't help but be proud of Cas' progress. He could see little pieces of a person in that space, pieces of who Castiel was before. While at one point Dean would've been learning some of those things for the first time, instead he was seeing evidence of things he already knew. On top of that, Cas' wings didn't hit a single item. He had far better control over the appendages since he first regained his memories.

Packing up Cas' old room took about the same amount of time as packing up just Michael. There was a lot of reminiscing that Dean adored watching, though the heavy undertone of Cas' disappearance was a bit hard to stomach at times.

"I think that's it," Cas shoved an old box of collected crap away, "I did this when we moved from mom and dad's too, left half my stuff there."

"Well almost none of your clothes fit," Dean looked at the pile of stuff they were planning to donate. "And your technology is outdated, so yeah I could see why you'd leave most of this junk here."

"What about you?" Cas smirked and looked at him with a raised eyebrow, "From what I remember you brought a lot of stuff to the mansion even though most of it was crap."

"That's because we hired someone to just shove things in boxes," Dean was quick to defend himself, "I threw a lot of that stuff out afterward anyway."

"Right," Cas let him get away with that and looked back at the few boxes they'd packed of his things, "I think my stuff is as much as yours, Mike."

"Just about, yeah." Michael grabbed one and headed for the stairs, "Help me bring this to the door, no idea where we're gonna put it when we get back to the hotel but at least two of us are packed."

Dean grabbed one and Cas picked up the rest of the items, it was moments like that Dean envied Cas' super strength. After piling all the boxes together by the entrance the three stood and brainstormed about what to do with it.

"We could just leave it in the car while we wait," Cas suggested and Dean quickly shook his head.

"There's too many for the car, we're not leaving all this stuff in there. Someone might try and break in or something."

"A U-Haul?" Michael asked and the other two looked at him, "We could rent something small enough to attach to the car, that way when Dean drives to LA he can take some of our luggage with him. Saves money on flying, too."

Dean smiled and looked at Cas, "I like that idea, what do you think?"

"Sounds good to me, so let's leave these boxes here for now and load everything up after we get the U-Haul." Cas stacked the boxes out of the way of the door, though still easily accessible for later.

The three travelled back to the hotel, Michael quickly went for the entrance to avoid having to be scared out of his wits again. Dean laughed again and showed Cas the video Jet sent earlier, just so they could re-live that little moment together.

Cas wiped a tear away from his eye and kissed Dean's cheek, "I'll see you upstairs."

"Thanks," Dean smiled and watched Cas take off and fly back to the balcony again.


	97. Chapter 97

Being called back to the mansion was an uncomfortable situation at best. Dean, Sam, Charlie, Jet, and Nikki all walked in with armed escorts following each of them around. The safety precautions were through the roof, albeit necessary considering what had happened to them while living there. Dean tried to pack what was important and leave the garbage. Anything he hadn't touched while staying there would probably wind up being left.

He did it as fast as humanly possible, he wasn't sure he liked the silent, non-talkative dude that was shadowing him. It'd be fine if Dean hadn't tried to say hello once or twice, but the guy just gave a nod and stood by watching him. It was unsettling.

Dean stood outside the front door waiting for the others, he had two large duffle bags with him and that was about it. Charlie was out next, she didn't have a lot of stuff with her either.

"They're a little paranoid, huh?" She laughed as she leaned against the wall next to him.

"Yeah, though I guess I can't blame them." Dean looked up at the front door where Jet was walking out, carrying a bag while his mom carried a box. Hell, even their guard was carrying something for him.

"Right," Charlie added awkwardly as she watched them. "You got everything, Jet?"

"Yeah I think so," he looked at the others, "Mom's a wizard at packing."

"What can I say? I had to move a lot in my years." Nikki smirked and put the stuff down, "So where's our U-Haul? Shouldn't they be here by now?"

"My bet is that they took a detour," Dean mused as he glanced down the road, "Or Michael remembers some stuff we missed."

The others were in charge of getting the trailer, bringing it to the Novak's, packing their stuff, and bringing it to the mansion. Dean had left it up to Bobby, since Bobby also had a car to hook up the trailer to and all that. He had half a mind to call them, part of him worried that Cas had freaked out and didn't want to go anywhere, part of him assuming they were just dawdling along.

"Probably getting lunch," Jet grumbled.

"Maybe," Dean agreed in the same tone, both ready to get pissed off if that was the actual case. His phone rang seconds later, the call display reading 'Bobby.' "Hey," he answered it immediately.

" _Dee, sorry we're taking so long!"_

"Hey Cas," Dean's tone changed the instant he heard Cas' voice on the other end, "What's holding you guys up?"

" _People saw me on the street and wanted to talk and look at my wings and stuff. We're on our way to the mansion now, you guys done?"_

"Almost, Sammy's not here yet."

" _Okay, good. Sorry to make you wait so long, did you want me to fly ahead and see you?"_

Dean considered it, imagined Cas in Bobby's car with Desirae and Michael and how cramped that might be. "You know what? Yeah, if you don't mind hanging around outside."

" _I'll be there soon."_ Cas hung up, leaving Dean with the dial-tone.

"Cas is on his way to wait with us." Dean looked at the others with a grin, "Seems he got some attention and that's why they're late. Not even famous and already getting held up."

"Well he looks like a depiction of an angel hanging around in the Bible-Belt of the US," Jet raised an eyebrow at him as if it were the most obvious conclusion.

"Shut up, you didn't think about that either." Dean griped, making Jet laugh.

It only took a few minutes but Dean heard the familiar sound of Castiel's wings approaching. He'd forgotten how fast his boyfriend was, but ultimately he was very glad that he'd been unconscious when Cas carried him to the hospital all those days ago.

Cas landed and immediately went to hugging Dean, "Hi Dee, sorry I took so long." He said after leaving a quick kiss on Dean's cheek.

"You're like the wind," Dean chuckled and returned the gesture, "How're things with the others? Everything going smoothly?"

"Well as smoothly as it can," Cas glanced back and noticed that Desirae had taken a ride with Cas, hiding behind his wings and clinging.

"I got bored," Rae stated and hopped down, she ran right up to Jet to greet him.

"Not as uncomfortable being near this place as you thought, huh?" Jet smiled and lifted her up with one arm, "Or you just missed me, maybe?"

"Both," she admitted as she hugged him tight.

Cas hung onto Dean as they waited, kissing his cheek and smiling to no one in particular. Dean held Cas' hand wherever it lingered, still in awe of how little time it had taken for him to fall so hard. "I love you," he muttered softly, a voice no one but Cas or maybe Desirae could've heard. Castiel turned and pecked his cheek again.

"I love you too," he whispered back.

Sam finished packing about the same time Bobby pulled up with the trailer of stuff. Dean picked up his boxes and moved to the back as soon as they'd stopped.

"Have any trouble?" Dean asked when Bobby walked around to unlock it.

"Nah, just nosy people."

"That can be trouble," Sam added as he approached with some of his crap too. It was a bit of a game of Tetris to get everyone's things into the smaller-than-expected space, but they managed it. It took Cas to suggest placing things in the trunk of the car, but they managed.

"So that's it," Jet said afterward, all of them looking at the two vehicles. Dean switched places with Bobby, hooking up the Impala to the trailer.

"Did you get my clothes too?" Desirae looked at Jet as if she'd just remembered she had a few items. Dean felt awful knowing that she was used to having nothing, but he didn't say anything about it.

"Yep," Jet didn't skip a beat though, he ruffled her hair and that seemed to be enough.

Dean looked to Cas who stood away from the group in the grass, eyes fixed on the mansion. Dean could see the wheels turning in Cas' mind, but he could only imagine what was going through his head. The time that Cas spent inside was terrible for majority of his stay, aside from the moment that Dean had found him and after.

The world had changed in four years, but Cas changed more. Dean walked over to him and carefully took his hand. There was a small, startled twitch but that was all before Cas' fingers closed around Dean's.

"It's over," Cas whispered, "MacLeod's hold on me, his influence over my life, it's gone." He smiled as tears ran down his cheeks, "I'm free."

Dean squeezed his hand gently and Cas turned to him, that smile practically glowing. "Yeah, you are."

"Hey," Jet walked over to them, Bobby right on his heels. "The rest of us wanna fly there, but I'm not sure taking Rae is such a good idea yet."

"Probably not," Cas agreed though Dean could tell he really didn't want to. "She can join Dee and I, we don't mind the company."

"Thanks," it looked like a bit of stress had left Jet's face when he said that, Dean imagined that little worry was plaguing him for a while.

"You know you can just ask, bro. I mean we're practically related already anyway." He said with a light nudge to Jet's side.

"Yeah I know," Jet nudged back playfully, "I just feel like I've hit my 'favours' limit, you know what I mean?"

"Not at all," Cas touched his shoulder reassuringly, "trust me, the friends you've surrounded yourself with are more generous than you think. Remember when I couldn't even speak?"

Jet opened his mouth to reply but stopped, that realization dawning on him. "You know what? You make a very good point," he laughed genuinely and looked at Dean, "I've been bitching about this not even thinking about it."

"Just because my experience might've been more intense doesn't make yours invalid," Cas reminded him and Jet just waved it off.

"Yeah, I know." He grinned at Cas, "But thank you, I really appreciate that."

Bobby gave Dean's shoulder a squeeze, "Hey boy, figured I'd say good luck to ya before everyone gets goin'."

Dean didn't hesitate and hugged him, "Thanks for everything, Bobby. You're gonna visit, I hope."

"Well, like you guys said, just gotta fly there." Bobby smiled and pat Dean on the back, "Have a safe trip."

"You too." Dean didn't want to see Bobby go but he knew that Bobby had a home, a home that he liked so why try to drag him away from it? He watched Bobby's goodbye to Jet and Sam, Desirae and Charlie, but most of all he watched Cas'. There were tears on Cas' part, he hugged Bobby and thanked him profusely.

"I didn't do anything anyone else didn't," Bobby was rough around the edges as always but he didn't refuse Cas' hugs.

"You're like a dad I never had," Cas said softly and finally let Bobby go, "Thank you for caring about me, and thank you for taking care of all of us."

Bobby bashfully adjusted his cap and huffed, trying to find a way to react to that. "Well, you're welcome kid. You take care of these idjits while I'm gone, okay?"

"Can do," Cas assured him.

Dean kept reminding himself that Bobby's decision to go home and relax was entirely alright. Even if once in a while Bobby thought maybe he wanted to join them and see the new mansion, changing his mind was always an option. Dean knew he'd see Bobby again soon, probably after Bobby got his life back on track. Heck, maybe Dean could just drive over and visit in South Dakota. He could bring Cas and show all the places he loved growing up.

Bobby waved one more time before getting into his car and driving off. Dean watched and rubbed his eye before anything was even tempted to fall.

"He'll visit," Cas' voice was comforting as he rubbed small circles on Dean's back. "It's okay, Dee."

Dean smiled, "I know, thanks Cas."

He knew the next step would be to say goodbye to everyone else that'd be flying. Dean walked over and hugged Sam first, to which his brother made no objections and returned the hug as seriously as Dean gave it.

"It's alright, I'll see you in LA."

"You better," Dean tried to pass it off with a smirk, knowing full well that the others could see right through him.

"Take care of her," Jet hand Desirae over, "I better not find you got into a car accident along the way."

"When have I ever?" Dean just kept right on grinning as Rae climbed onto his shoulders. "You guys are the ones doing the dangerous thing."

"Car accidents are way more likely," Cas pointed out and got a glare from both Dean and Jet. "Sorry, but it's true."

Jet laughed softly and looked at Desirae, "Be good, sweetheart."

"Have fun flying!" Desirae waved, "Bye dad! Bye dad!"

Jet waved and elbowed Sam, "She said 'bye dad.'"

"I heard?" Sam raised an eyebrow, "She's called you that before-"

"Not me, you dumbass." Jet grinned as Sam's eyes widened a little.

"Ohhh...kaaayyy…" Sam muttered slowly, "Oh! Oh you meant me!" He quickly waved back at her, "See you soon, Desirae!"

Dean tried not to laugh, it was cute seeing Sam so excited about that. He always wondered which of them would have a kid first, apparently he just got his answer. "I'm such a proud uncle," he claimed as he looked up at Rae. "They're not even married though, you know."

"So? I can call him dad." Desirae pouted and Dean shrugged.

"I dunno," he said playfully, "Might have to convince them to do something about that."

"Hmm…." Desirae's tone slipped into a low growl, a sound Dean was so used to already that he nearly missed it. "Maybe…"

"Dean," Sam's warning voice wasn't often a pleasant sound.

Dean grinned sheepishly and headed for the car, "Have fun at the airport!"

Cas finished up his hugs and 'see you laters' with his brother and Charlie. "I'm coming, Dee!" He chimed as he flew the short distance to the Impala. "Can I sit in the back by myself? There's more room for me there."

Dean shrugged, "Why not? Rae and I can jam in the front."

"Take care of him, Winchester!" Michael commanded and Dean stuck his thumb's up out the window. Charlie returned it while Michael just gestured the 'watching you' sign with his fingers.

"Road trip!" Cas cheered and kissed Dean from the backseat, "We gotta hit up a drive-thru or something."

"The best first stop." Dean agreed and started their trip by pulling off that drive-way for the last time. Cas and Desirae leaned out the windows to wave at the others until they couldn't see anymore.


	98. Chapter 98

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys are still interested in this thing, I did mention that the lead up to the final chapter would be slow. I mean this isn't exactly climax territory or anything o.o   
> Love you guys! Hope everyone is well

The road trip started off great, they got some fast food and cranked the tunes as much as the two with advanced hearing could handle. Dean was having a blast until he noticed the way some other people stared at them at red lights. Of course they saw Desirae and Cas, that was the look Dean had seen a dozen times already. Not everyone was crazy about it, but he didn't know how long that luck would last.

Drive-thrus were fine, Dean could just drive off after they got their food and that was it. However rest stops were another story. Desirae and Cas would have to go inside for that, and while it seemed odd in cities and stuff like that, Dean never worried much. Out at truck stops though? He was nervous about that.

The first rest stop they came across was just a set of bathrooms and the like for travellers, no store or gas station attached. In fact it was empty, Dean couldn't believe his luck! The second time wasn't nearly as clean-cut.

"I have to pee," Desirae announced and Dean knew that there weren't any similar rest stops as the last one they'd been to for quite a while.

"You sure?" He asked hopefully and she nodded.

"Is there a place nearby?" Cas asked and Dean had to nod too.

"Yeah, a truck stop a few miles up. Can you hold it for a few minutes, Rae?"

"Yep, but not too many minutes."

Dean made sure to get them there in time, silently worrying about the bathroom separation. If anything happened to that kid he'd never forgive himself. Not that that would matter much though, Jet would kill him so he wouldn't have to live with that guilt.

However he was the only one worrying about it, Cas seemed fine to go inside in his coat and just look like a dude with a hunched back. Desirae didn't cover up but she was pretty quick, most people didn't notice her at first. Hell, most people tried to avoid looking at the two guys walking in with a child.

"Your kid likes to play dress-up too, huh?" The clerk asked suddenly and startled him.

"Uh…" he wasn't sure what to say but Cas stepped in for him.

"She does," he smiled warmly at the clerk who just smiled back.

"Where you folks headed?"

"LA," Cas answered and the guy laughed.

"Looking to be movie stars or something?"

"Nah, more singing than anything else." Cas shrugged and looked at Dean.

"Most people go for acting, you're lookin' to get famous I bet." The cashier sounded friendly though Dean felt something was off about the guy. Maybe it was because he thought everyone would be out to get Cas, but he was pretty sure the dude was weird.

"I don't think it'll be that hard," Cas stated confidently, "I have a few ideas on how to jumpstart it."

"Well good luck then, what's your name? That way I can tell people I met you before you get there."

"Castiel Novak," Cas beamed, Dean wished he could bottle up everything about that split second and keep it forever. He knew it wasn't possible, but Cas' expression was worth dreaming about it.

Dean could tell that the cashier didn't quite believe Cas, though. It seemed like Cas' name went in one ear and out the other, possibly because he looked like he had a major back issue and wouldn't be pretty enough or something. As long as the guy didn't try anything with Cas Dean was just fine with his skepticism.

Cas didn't seem to mind the guy's non-believing status either, he just smiled and said nice to meet you when Desirae appeared again.

"We can go now," Rae told them and went back out to the car, it was so quick that Dean had to follow her out to make sure she was alright.

"Anything happen?" He asked when he caught up to her and she shook her head.

"Nothing more than what you'd expect," She smiled up at him and Dean realized that maybe he could chill out a little bit. She was fine, she could defend herself if she wasn't, and if something happened Cas would probably put the fear of god in whoever tried anything. Dean smiled back at her and ruffled her hair like Jet always did.

"Awesome, glad to hear it."

"Wait up," Cas insisted as he hurried out after them. "Just leaves me in the store alone."

"I thought you'd be fine," Dean heard the small laugh in Cas' voice, Cas was fine. He smiled wider and watched his travel buddies climb into the car; everything was okay. Worrying endlessly about Castiel wouldn't get him anywhere, he needed to trust his boyfriend. Being around for the emotional hurt was a given, Dean would do it no matter what. But fearing for Cas' safety around every corner was too much.

He trusted Castiel.

* * *

 

Cas started to get a little antsy when Dean announced the half-way mark. It was the first time he travelled out of state, it was his first time moving into such a different lifestyle. Everything was new and scary, but that wasn't why he was getting anxious. He felt cramped in the backseat and he couldn't keep putting on that horrible coat, his wings were squished enough as it was.

"I need to stretch," he groaned and dropped to his side, trying to stretch out one wing at a time. There still wasn't enough room, even when curving it over the roof and covering part of the windshield he still couldn't do it right.

"Cas don't cover the windshield," Dean scolded and Cas curled it back in obediently.

"Uuuuggghhhh…." He droned and tried to do the other one with less success than the first. A frustrated whine escaped him, not unlike the sounds he used to make when Dean had found him. It caught Dean's attention, he saw those pretty eyes peeking up at the rear-view mirror to see what was up. However Dean didn't pull over, he just kept going.

"I swear I'm gonna jump out and fly," Cas warned and that was enough to get Dean to comment on his situation.

"I'm sorry Cas, I know you're cramped back there but we're almost in Albuquerque. Think you can hang on for a bit until I can find a spot to pull over?"

Cas nodded, "Yeah." He tried to suck it up, driving on the I-40 didn't make it easy to pull over and be unnoticed as he flew around. Cas kept quiet as they drove into the city. Granted it was dark already, maybe that would've made it easier?

"Do you think the others are there yet?" Desirae looked between the two of them and Cas shrugged.

"Probably, getting this far took us like 13 hours," Dean sounded tired and Cas suddenly felt bad for being annoying.

"How long does it take to fly there?" She asked next and Cas still shrugged.

"Like 3 hours or something like that," Dean answered again, "What time they land depends on whether or not they got on a flight right away or had to wait."

"I hope they call us," Desirae sighed and slumped back against the seat, her eyes fluttered as she tried to keep awake.

"I'm sure they will," Cas reassured her and gave her his coat, "try and sleep, we'll wake you when we get to a hotel."

"Thanks," She curled up with it and was sleeping pretty damn fast, Cas was a little impressed.

"She was tired," Dean remarked and Cas laughed softly.

"Yeah, I could tell." He looked up at the lights of the city on the night sky, it wasn't particularly beautiful or ugly. "The lights in LA are probably going to be amazing." He remarked raptly but Dean scoffed at him.

"Probably gonna look like every city sky, light pollution."

Cas smiled and leaned forward to kiss Dean's cheek. "Alright, alright, you're not wrong." He rested his head on Dean's shoulder, it wasn't the most comfortable position but he liked being that close to Dean. "But flying above it at night will be incredible."

"That I'd believe." Dean smirked and returned the kiss quickly. "Did you decide on what talk-show you want to come out to the world on?"

"I don't know," Cas furrowed his brow, "What's popular right now? Do people still love Ellen? Maybe Oprah?"

"Oh," Dean glanced at him for a second, "Oprah's show ended in 2011."

"Oh… yeah, I guess that was for good then." He remembered hearing about it before graduation. "I think being on the Colbert report would be fun-"

"That's over too."

"WHAT?!" Cas regretted being so loud when Desirae glanced at him and apologized a few times until she rolled over again.

"Yeah," Dean cringed a little, "In 2014 he was picked to be on the Late Show."

"Oh my god, is Letterman dead?"

"No, no, he retired."

Cas was quiet for a bit and Dean dared to ask if he was alright. "I just realized how much the world can change in four years." Dean was trying not to laugh at his sudden moment of horror, but he could hear it.

"I didn't think much about that," Dean was still trying though it wasn't working so well. "I'm sure you'll figure it all out, it's just four years."

"More to have fun experiencing I guess," Cas smiled and rested his head again, he'd have to do some research into what show he'd pop into. "Maybe just appearing on the news would work, and then let the talk shows call me…"

"Sure." Dean wasn't much help.

When they got to the edge of Albuquerque Dean hunted down a hotel, they were going to go around the city but only in the morning. Even Dean needed a few hours every now and then.

* * *

 

Desirae stirred and realized she was in a normal bed, not the Impala. She sat up and looked around at the room, a two bed hotel suite that had a bundle of blankets with two wings in the other bed. She didn't realize she'd been so tired that she wouldn't wake up from someone carrying her, but it was alright. They were adorable together, snuggled up close and she could swear she heard Cas purring.

Rae slipped out of bed and grabbed Dean's phone, finding that it was dead. After a few checks around the room and through their stuff she learned that Dean didn't have a charger with him either. She stared at the dead phone just imagining the worry that the others might be going through. Jet was going to freak.

She put the phone back where she found it and took care of her morning routine.

Part of her was a little mad that she'd passed out like that, she really wanted to see the whole trip. Going from being locked in a basement to driving halfway across the country in just a few months was incredible to her. She could barely leave the mansion before, but now she was free to travel around. Sure, she got odd looks and people didn't understand her, but that didn't matter as long as she had the others.

The landscape so far was gorgeous, they covered so much ground in a day that she could barely remember all of it. She tried to recall her favourite areas, seeing flat land turn hilly was fun. She liked being able to see for miles, but seeing large hills was kinda awesome too. Mountainous terrain and deserts, it was all so pretty she couldn't choose her favourite part. The whole road trip was her favourite part so far.

When she walked back into the main area she heard some whispering and Cas sat upright, "Morning Rae, how'd you sleep?"

"Right through the night," she said as she hopped back onto the bed she'd gotten to herself. "How long are we staying here?"

"Not long," Cas assured her and nudged Dean, "Right, Dee?"

"Mmmm…" Dean was more or less incoherent, too tired to function yet.

"You can't sleep all day." Cas continued to poke at Dean until he swatted the nuisance.

"I'll get up, I'll get up."

"Also your phone is dead," Desirae pointed out and Dean sat upright to that news.

"Ohhhh shhhhiiit…." He said slowly as he grabbed it and tried to turn it on anyway. "Jet's gonna kill me…"

"We can buy a car charger," Cas told them and climbed out of bed, "Now c'mon, I'm hungry."

"Shower first?" Dean asked sadly and Cas couldn't possibly continue to say no to that face.

Desirae watched some of the shitty hotel TV while the other two were 'cleaning' up in the shower. She turned the volume way up so she couldn't hear anything else, not that that helped a lot but it was all she could do. To her relief they tried to keep it quiet.

She wondered to herself if she knew about that sort of thing because of how Cas' DNA and the experiments changed her mental state, or if she just heard about it. Considering she barely knew anything about the world other than what the Cas part of her knew, she could chalk it up to the experiments.

There were so many commercials advertising things she either didn't understand or didn't need, but the acting was astoundingly bad. She couldn't look away when people would pretend to mess up, part of her head told her it was called an infomercial. Whatever it was she found them hilarious, so much so that she didn't even realize when Dean and Cas were out of the bathroom again until they spoke.

"Ready to check out of her?" Dean asked, making her jump a little.

"Yeah, let's go." She said but didn't move, transfixed by television. After a few moments Cas picked her up and turned off the TV.

"We're going now." He told her and Desirae couldn't really complain either way, she was still getting what she wanted whether that was watching stupid shit or going back out into the world. Flying to LA would've been a cool experience too but she was finding it more enjoyable to drive the first time. Despite Sam and Jet not being there she would venture to say it was one of the best things she'd gotten to do since getting out of the mansion.


	99. Chapter 99

"Seriously," Jet mumbled for the thousandth time and Sam was ready to smack him one.

"Yes, seriously." He looked at his bitchy boyfriend as calmly as he could muster, not that it worked all that well. "We need to wait for a while before our flight leaves, there's no point in getting a hotel to sit at and we already went through all the boarding crap. Do you really want to leave now?"

"It's like 8 more hours!" Jet proclaimed dramatically and Sam fought the urge to shove him out of his seat.

"It's only 6 more hours, just chill." Sam knew that Jet didn't do well with sitting still for long periods of time that didn't involve a TV but it was starting to get ridiculous. "Watch YouTube videos or something."

"My phone's dead."

"Then charge it."

"That's a great idea, why didn't I think of that?" Jet drawled angrily and dropped a glare Sam's way, "Except wait, I did think of that! And I can't because my shitty charger is in my shitty boxes in Dean's shitty fucking car!"

"Chill," Sam said again and could swear he saw fire in Jet's eyes. "Jet, it's okay. Try to relax, you'll just hurt yourself."

Jet fumed and went right back to slumping in his chair, uncomfortably shifting and trying to find a spot that didn't annoy him. Sam hoped that was the last of the rage but he knew Jet, and he knew that it was a long shot dream. Maybe Nikki could've calmed him down, except she knew better than to start the boarding process that early on. She'd stayed back and went to get a few things for their wait, Sam silently hoped she'd appear.

Then again, Jet was his boyfriend and he should be taking care of moments like that. Jet didn't always throw that kind of a fit when he just had to sit and wait, sometimes he'd get mad but that was only when it was someone else's fault. He was one of the ones who decided to just go inside and wait, so why was he so pissed off?

Instead of ignoring Jet's mood Sam tried to pay attention to it, see what was going on. After all he wasn't really being given any peace of mind to read. Charlie was walking around with Michael so it was just the two of them. Sam did his best to watch Jet without being too noticeable, he didn't want to get another angry look.

At first nothing seemed all that out of place for Jet's pissy behaviour, he was doing exactly what he'd do if he were that upset. The problem was that Sam couldn't see what the hell was causing it. He stared a little more obviously when Jet seemed to be absently looking around. Jet didn't shift around too much but when he did he was suddenly uncomfortable again, like the agitation was starting all over. Sam furrowed his brow and watched the way Jet favoured his injured arm.

Of course. Sam dragged his hand down his face and pinched the bridge of his nose, he felt really stupid. "Jet," he caught Jet's eye and sighed heavily, "I'm really sorry I didn't notice."

Jet faltered for a second, "Don't worry about it."

"If you need painkillers or something we can get them, I'll call your mom." Sam took out his phone despite Jet's protests and dialed Nikki's number.

"C'mon, I'll be fine until we get to California." Jet's tone lost its edge though, he shifted in his chair again and tried to move his arm in a way that wouldn't hurt. "Don't bother her."

"It's not bothering her," Sam said just before the call went through, "Hey Nikki, it's Sam."

" _Oh, hey Sam. I'm just heading back to the airport."_

"Could you stop at a drugstore and get something for Jet? His arm's hurting pretty bad."

" _Yeah, I'll make a pit stop on the way. Thanks for letting me know."_

"You know him," Sam smirked and glanced at his boyfriend who was still pouting but it looked like he'd lightened up a little. He finished the conversation with Nikki and leaned over to kiss Jet's cheek, "It's okay to need painkillers, you dork."

Jet leaned into the kiss and turned his head to get one on the lips too. "I didn't want to make a big deal out of it," he admitted with a heavy exhale, "Sorry."

Sam smiled, knowing full well that Jet's pride would be the death of him some day. He'd probably let himself bleed to death somewhere he could absolutely get help, but he'd probably want to act like it was all cool when anyone else was looking. "I love you," Sam whispered and kissed him again. "Even though you're really dumb sometimes."

Jet laughed and brushed his cheek roughly against Sam's, "I love you too, even if you're mean sometimes."

"Turns out we're crazy early," Charlie stated the obvious as she dropped onto the bench over. She sighed and dropped her head back, "I'm gonna nap here."

"Good luck with that," Michael sat down as well and cracked a book he'd gotten from the gift shop. "Why don't we go and buy ourselves a private jet if you're so anxious?"

"We could," Jet mused and Sam rolled his eyes.

"We're already taking first class, we don't need a jet."

"We always need a Jet." Jet wiggled his eyebrows and Sam put his palm against Jet's forehead to hide it. "Tough crowd."

"You're such a loser," Charlie laughed and rolled her head to look at them.

"A loser that's paying for your flight," Jet grinned, putting on a better face for the moment but Sam could still see how fidgety he was. Jet couldn't sit still at all, he moved his left arm as much as he could and hated himself for it every moment. He tried to walk around a little and shake it off but that didn't work either. Not moving didn't help, it just seemed to throb and slowly drag Jet's mood down with it. Sam felt awful just watching, he wished he could've done more besides just calling Nikki.

However she was the one with the medication and once she made it through security and the random searches, she was free to hand it over. It took her another two hours to finally get to them, an angry look on her face and a guard right next to her.

"See that boy there?" Nikki looked at the guard with a familiar rage face that made Sam glance down at Jet. "Yeah, see that bandage on him? These are for him you giant buffoon!"

Jet got up and walked over, "Mom what the hell took so long? I've been dying, gimme those." He didn't give the guard a second glance and snatched the bottle. It took about a second for him to realize he couldn't open it himself and begrudgingly handed it back to Nikki. Normally she'd give him hell for talking to her like that and just stealing items from her hands, however she was aware of the fact that he was hurting. Irritable was just an expected mode for Jet at that point.

Sam wasn't sure what to say as he watched Nikki argue with security about why she had medication that strong with her on the plane. He didn't want to get involved, really. She seemed to be handling it, and the guard looked a little ashamed for assuming she lied about having a son who was missing an arm. After a few moments the guard apologized and let her move on without any more hassling.

"How'd you get him to leave you alone?" Jet asked as he leaned back tiredly, he'd taken the pills he needed so his irritation would go down. Or at least Sam hoped, anyway.

"I showed him my first class ticket," Nikki sat down next to him and touched the back of her hand to his forehead. Jet didn't make a move to stop her, Sam knew Nikki to be over protective so he didn't question it either. She didn't seem upset by anything, she just brushed Jet's hair back to where it was and kissed the top of his head.

Sam smiled and looked down at his book. He didn't read the words, he couldn't bring himself to focus on them. He imagined what it might've been like if his mom was still there with him, would she be sitting with him at the airport or would she be helping Dean and taking the road trip with him? If he had lost his arm would his mom try and take care of him like that?

While his mind wandered he was suddenly started when someone touched his forehead. He looked up to see Nikki checking on him too, he was at a loss for words.

"You've been on that page for like five minutes," she told him after stepping back again, "You feeling okay, sweetheart?"

Sam felt tears welling up but managed to keep them from going anywhere else. "Yeah," he laughed softly and put the book down. "Guess I'm a little tired."

"Waiting will do that to you," Nikki smiled and gave him a granola bar from her purse. "You're probably hungry too."

Sam took it and looked at Jet who was also eating one, watching Sam silently right back. "I remember you and Dean both had these in your pockets that day."

Jet lit up and nodded, his mouth full and stopping him from speaking for a few seconds. "Totally, and Cas couldn't unwrap it."

"He was pretty frustrated." Sam smirked and looked at the bar again. It was hard to believe that was only a few months back. Heck, it was hard to believe graduating high school wasn't the craziest thing that happened to him in those months.

"You _are_ tired," Jet moved closer and put his arm around Sam. A kiss or two was shared between them, Sam couldn't be sure when the first ended or if it did at all and they just kept going. He ended up just leaning against Jet and nodding off after that, he stopped fighting the exhaustion of moving and worrying about his boyfriend. His mind circled back around to Desirae and how she called him dad; that kept him up a little but he couldn't get a clear thought on it.

Jet was her official dad on paper, but Sam was close enough to be labelled the same. Part of him was scared. A lot of him was scared, but that didn't matter because that wasn't what he needed to be. Another part of him was excited, he could be a father to such an interesting child. She'd become something amazing and he could play a part in that.

Sam wasn't sure what he was thinking about anymore but that didn't matter for very long, their flight was leaving shortly.

Everyone piled into their seats, none of them had ever flown first class so it was a pretty exciting experience. Sam couldn't believe what a difference it made, but there they were in their own seats with amazing cushions and personal TVs. Sam slid into his spot and just let himself melt there. Jet was in the closest seat to him and he could hear the relieved sigh as Jet did the same thing he did.

"It's nice," Sam muttered and heard a few chuckles from the others.

"Dean really missed out," Charlie settled into her place and turned on the TV, "I mean, the airport sucks but this is totally worth it."

"Gonna be a comfortable few hours," Nikki agreed, "I don't think I've ever had a great flight in my life, this'll be a nice change."

"I kinda wish Rae could've enjoyed it," Jet mumbled to himself and Sam felt the little twang of guilt that left.

"Next time," he reassured, sitting upright so he could see Jet. "She'll get out into the world and you'll be right there with her when she takes her first first class flight."

Jet smiled at the thought and nodded, "Thanks, babe."

"Anytime." Sam returned the smile and leaned back again. He was looking forward to getting to LA and seeing the possible new homes they'd narrowed the list to. He couldn't wait to officially move in and get on with his life. Post-secondary school in California, helping Jet raise Desirae, and watching how Cas' life would change were just the beginning of it.


	100. Chapter 100

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys just thought I'd let you all know that I made a post on my zafiction tumblr account that showcases pics of the new mansions the team is moving into.   
> http://zafiction.tumblr.com/post/146772296246/experimental-la-home

Gathering everyone in the same location took a little bit of work considering nobody knew the area. GPS was a life saver and guided Dean's team to the hotel that the others had checked into. He laughed to himself about how often they were moving from one hotel to another, if Jet didn't have the money he did none of that would've been possible. Though it could also be argued that if Jet hadn't inherited it at all then Dean would've been working full-time trying to pay for the next year's tuition.

Whatever, it didn't matter. He took the parking space the others had reserved, big enough to fit a trailer and his boat of a car. Dean turned it off and looked at the other two with a smile, "We're here."

"This is a hotel." Desirae pointed out flatly.

"Yeah, well I didn't say where 'here' meant, did I?" Dean argued playfully and climbed out of the car. "C'mon, let's go meet the others." He didn't want to say it but damn did it feel good to stretch his legs. Road trips always started off amazing and fun but by the end of it people usually felt trapped in their vehicles.

The hotel looked nice on the outside, Los Angeles had some amazing hotels to check out and Dean didn't doubt for a second that he was looking at one of them. Jet and Charlie waited for them in the lobby, both glancing up from their phones with welcoming smiles. Rae bolted across the room and jumped into Jet's lap before he could even put his cell away. "Whoa!" He laughed and hugged her back once he registered what the hell just happened. "Hey kiddo."

"Hi," she nuzzled his cheek and settled where she was.

"How was the drive?" Charlie went to meet Cas and Dean, hugging her bestie first and then his boyfriend.

"It was a little cramped sometimes but fun," Cas replied and chanced a look Dean's way, "Dee really likes loud music."

"Very loud music," Desirae chimed in and Dean threw up his arms in exasperation.

"You guys didn't say anything! How was I supposed to know?"

"It's alright," Cas reassured him and offered a light peck on the cheek. "You can't tell what our hearing is like unless we say something."

"Speaking of Dean being a fuck-up," Jet looked at him with an irritated smirk that Dean had seen coming a mile away. "You didn't even try calling me."

"Well-" Dean dragged out the word but ran out of places to go pretty fast. It didn't matter what he'd say next, Jet would get uppity at him regardless. He could at least do his best to defend himself, not that he thought he'd win. "You didn't try calling me either, how was I supposed to know when you guys were landing?"

"My phone was dead!"

"No one called anybody else, relax." Cas told them as he placed a hand on either of their shoulders. "We're all fine, it doesn't matter, does it?"

Dean was happy to take that as the answer to their situation if Jet was.

"Did you guys pick a place yet?" Rae cut in as soon as she saw an opening in their silence. She was looking at Jet who shrugged as he glanced over at Charlie.

Just that little movement had them all thinking it hadn't happened yet. Luckily Jet didn't leave them hanging on that thought too long. "We totally checked them out this morning, chill."

"You picked one?" Dean lit up and shared an excited look with Cas.

"Which one?" Cas turned back to Jet, eyes wide and breath held.

"The one in Malibu, actually!" Charlie was too excited to not answer that, "I hope you're okay with that, it's technically in Los Angeles county, and it's in the mountain range looking over the ocean."

"It's near Malibu Canyon." Jet added.

"That sounds perfect," Cas nearly squealed, just laughing and at a loss for words. "I loved both of the ones we looked at, it's totally fine."

"The new one isn't as huge as the old mansion, but we don't need that much room." Jet added as he lifted Desirae up and walked over to Dean's side. "A little mountainy terrain, nice view, I figured space wouldn't be too big of an issue."

"The old place was too big, we all got lost." Dean smirked and pat Jet's shoulder, "Good pick."

Jet smiled back and nodded toward the elevator, "We pick up the keys tomorrow, c'mon."

"How're the suites here? Just as nice as the last ones?" Dean asked as they all headed up. He noticed the clerk's face was a little more than shocked at seeing Cas and Desirae, more so after each showed a small display of realism in their odd appendages.

"They're all nice, man. I think these are more spacious though, so there's that." Jet said as he looked to Charlie, "My arm's full, think you could hit the button?"

"Oh, right yeah, of course."

The elevator was big enough that Cas didn't look the slightest bit uncomfortable, not to mention the big mirror on one side and the nice lighting. Dean didn't think he'd ever get used to fancy living. They were going to be the bane of some 'old money' family's existence, he was sure of it.

The elevator opened to a hall that had only a few doors to choose from, "All of these are ours," Jet explained as they looked around, "The others are in here." he walked over to the center one and let Desirae opened it for him.

Sam and Michael were lounging on a couch watching TV while Nikki chatted on the phone in the corner; the whole room was gorgeous as expected but Dean just wanted to find a home already. He walked over to the first bed he saw and dropped onto it like a ragdoll, listening to whatever the hell they had on.

* * *

 

Morning was upon them and the excitement hadn't quite registered in them yet. Dean thought he was pumped to see the new place but he had no idea how awesome it was going to be. They left the hotel, half jumped in a rented car and the other joined Dean on the trip up Piuma Road.

It was a bit of a twisty road, Dean realized that going to town would be a real pain for anyone not driving. Then again they weren't paying for that kind of convenience, it was more to keep Castiel and Desirae comfortable and more private if they wanted to be. Moving was always a possibility but Dean hadn't even seen the place yet, he imagined it was going to be incredible no matter what.

Just as promised it was in a more mountainy terrain and as the road wound around the next bend Dean spotted it. A white building peeking up over other ridges was the cause of his first wave of thrill, at least the first one he recognized anyway. He found himself smiling wide and unable to look away from it whenever he could see it.

"We're almost there," he glanced at Cas who was just as slack-jawed and wide eyed. "I can't really believe it either."

"It's awesome," Jet spoke up from the backseat, he shared a look with Sam who was smirking at their reactions.

"You'll like it, it's got a pretty big garage that you can see the car through." Sam explained as they pulled up to the gate.

Dean just stared at it for a few seconds before driving in, after living in a more old school mansion he was completely unprepared for the style of the one they were looking at. "Luxury homes are so freaking cool…" he muttered as he followed the curved driveway up to the house. He parked out front and stared up at the three-story building. There were large windows facing them from that whole side of the house, he could see the living room spaces in the middle, as well as the entrance. There was an elevator in the center next to staircases, two 2-car garage spaces and what looked like several balconies to him.

"Is that a helicopter pad?" Sam asked, eyes narrowed as he inspected it from their lower position.

"It's a 'Cas Take-off Point' now." Castiel claimed and got out of the car to spread his wings a little. He looked around at the vegetation and scenery, up at the house and then back to Dean with bright eyes. "This place is beautiful!"

"It sure is," Dean agreed and found himself eyeing the garage spaces.

"Why don't you take a little fly around, see how you like it?" Sam suggested and Cas was off before Dean could even register the conversation.

"Cas take me with!" Desirae called after him and he swiftly returned to scoop her up.

"Don't drop her," Jet said with a fake serious tone.

Cas saluted him, "No sir, wouldn't dream of it." They shared a small laugh before Cas took off again, Jet cranked his neck to watch them go.

"That's still so wild," he muttered in admiration.

"Stop checking out my boyfriend and help me unload this shit," Dean opened up the trailer just as the second car pulled up.

"How do you like it?" Charlie asked from her open window, "I saw Cas flying around already so I assume he's enjoying it."

"It's awesome," Dean looked up and motioned toward the mansion, "Haven't been inside yet but I can see a lot of it from here. You're not worried about privacy with those windows?"

"Nah, we're a little out of the way for most people," Charlie hopped out and walked over to him, "Besides, it really opens up the rooms. You'll see when you get in there."

"Sure," Dean didn't doubt that she was right, he just didn't want random people showing up and taking pictures of Cas from wherever. There was a gate though, so maybe that wouldn't really be an issue.

The team started unpacking by the time Cas returned with Desirae, he put her down and both hurried to the first people they wanted to see.

"Dee!" Cas jumped on him, wings fluttering with the residual energy from flying about, "It's so pretty here! I love it!"

"Then we're definitely staying," Dean laughed and kissed Cas' cheek as soon as he got the opportunity. He couldn't say no after hearing that, even if he was vaguely worried about one or two things like convenience and privacy.

Desirae ran to Jet and Sam, climbing onto Sam first and transferring to Jet the second he was aware of her. "I like it here too, are you okay with it? Can we stay?" She spoke fast but Jet seemed to understand it without an issue.

"I like it too, doesn't remind me of anything we already experienced," Jet supported her and moved to get out of everyone else's way. "You know, other than the hotels and stuff. Those were a similar kind of fancy."

"How many bedrooms?" Rae looked up at the house then back to Jet.

"There are five, so you'll be sharing your room with grandma for a while. That okay?"

Desirae nodded quickly, "That's okay! I can't wait, we're gonna tell stories and play games-"

"Don't keep her up too long," Dean chuckled, "She has an early bedtime."

"Watch it, son." Nikki warned with a telling smile.

They continued carrying the boxes in and Dean realized how easy it was to move people without furniture. Sure they had a lot of random items, but most of the things they'd need were already available so it was all clothes and personal things. They carried everything into the main entrance and left it piled there, it was time to explore the building a little bit.

Sam was off like a shot, he'd already laid claim to a room but it was time to place some of his shit in there to solidify it. Dean didn't care, he knew he'd be happy in any room as long as Cas was there with him.

"I still can't believe there's an elevator," Jet laughed and hit the button. He looked over to where Rae was jumping onto a couch and walking across it to get to the other side of the room. "Hey kiddo, let me show you where you'll be staying."

"You guys divvied up the rooms already, huh?" Cas asked Charlie who shrugged and nodded.

"Yeah, but we left the master bedroom for you." She smiled wide as Cas' eyes watered.

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Awwww you're the best!" He cheered before hugging her.

"You're welcome, we just figured that considering everything you'd appreciate most." She squeezed him back and started pulling him to the stairs, "I'll show it to you, c'mon."

Michael turned to Dean as everyone dispersed around the place, "Hey," he nudged Dean's side to get his attention. "Thank you."

Dean blinked a few times, he could only imagine Michael meant one thing but he figured he'd clarify anyway. "For what? Cas?"

"Yeah," Michael smiled and looked around, "You've been amazing with him, I've never seen Cas happier."

Dean wasn't sure what to say to that, he didn't really know if he needed to say anything either. He smiled and looked around too, seeing what they've built together already. "Thanks," he said after a few moments of silence, "I really appreciate that."

Michael nodded and pat Dean's shoulder, "Welcome to the family, Dee."

Dean laughed and had to take a second to realize how weird that sounded from anyone else. "Thanks Mike."

Michael kept nodding until the head movement turned into a shake, his lips curled in as he cringed to himself. "That felt weird."

"Yeah," Dean was quick to agree.

"Yeah, I'll just call you Dean."

"Probably better that way."

"Probably."


	101. Chapter 101

After a week of contacting all kinds of people, the famous and not-so-famous, they finally got a spot on TV. It wasn't glamorous and it wasn't going to be movie level flashy but it was a step and that was all they really wanted. It was called 'Hipster Queens' and he had no idea what he was in for.

Cas was willing and Desirae was starting to get nervous. He couldn't back down, he wanted the world to know about him and know what his existence meant. The advances in science and medicine becoming less like fiction and more reachable than before. He couldn't let Desirae live the rest of her life in hiding either, she was a child and he knew she'd get scared. Talking about it was one thing, going out into the world was another.

He promised her that he would step out first, he would do everything on his own first and they would see the reaction. If she felt comfortable she could join him whenever she was ready. That was what he'd told her when they got a spot on the some show none of them had heard of. Though they hadn't really been keeping up with television that much, Netflix and YouTube were their medias of choice.

Dean kissed him before they separated, Dean and the others were audience members, close to the stage for support. Cas held onto Dean for a few more seconds, taking in what comfort he could siphon, and then let his boyfriend go.

"You'll be amazing," Dean reassured him with a gentle smile, Cas wanted to believe it so he did.

"Thank you, Dee." They kissed again and Cas let him go.

Desirae was dressed in that hoodie, her tail wrapped around her waist and looked more like a strange lump than anything else. She fidgeted with the long sleeves and looked up at him, worried eyes threatening waterworks at the slightest push.

Cas knelt down and hugged her, "Take your time," he whispered and she nodded against him.

"Okay," she sighed, "I'm sorry I'm not going up with you like I said I would…"

"It's alright," Cas ruffled her hair lightly, "Just enjoy the show."

Jet reached down for her hand, "C'mon sweetheart, let's get to our seats."

Rae took his offer and glanced back toward Cas as they exited the backstage area. Cas took a deep breath and moved into his 'dressing room' space. It wasn't much, just a spot for make-up application and a chair to sit in. He put his coat on, covering his wings and taking a long, slow breath. He sat down on the chair and leaned on his elbows, face in his hands as he let it all settle. He was fine, he'd come a long way from the start and he could handle anything the world threw at him.

Dean was in the audience, literally ten feet away from where he'd be sitting and available for comfort. Michael was there too, watching and willing to do anything to keep him safe. Charlie would see the slightest inclination of discomfort, she'd defend him if he needed it. He had to show Desirae it was okay, he had to test the waters and make sure she could join him.

Castiel stared in the mirror, watching and studying the new pieces of himself he knew he hadn't had when he was a teen. There were more reflective aspects to his eyes, deeper creases that defined old stress and highlighted his experience. His facial hair grew in faster than it used to, it left a darker tone to his skin even after shaving that made him look much older. His lips were chapped and his cheeks seemed fuller.

He'd grown up in those four years. His body was forcefully changed so not being the same was expected, but natural growth still happened. His nose was bigger, his chin more prominent and he was pretty sure he'd gotten taller.

The small crowd of people waiting to see him outside wouldn't know those things about him. The people that would see the video all around the world wouldn't know him at all. As far as anyone else was concerned he was lying until he could prove himself. That was what he had his wings for, that's why his eyes could glow, but he'd never intentionally show the monster he could be. With his memories he could control himself, but that didn't stop his capabilities from existing as they were.

"Castiel Novak?" Someone called into the back area.

"Yes?" he got up and stepped out of his dressing closet, fingers clinging to keep the jacket closed.

"You're almost up, come and wait over here." The guy motioned for Cas to follow and gave him a quick rundown as to how the little microphone on him worked. As they hooked him up he was told things he wasn't allowed to do, like cursing and stripping naked. Cas didn't question that, he was pretty sure a small talk show would absolutely need to state this to every one of their guests.

Nervous and lost in his own head, Cas barely heard his cue. He looked up at the sound of his name and looked at the stage hands. They motioned for him to go so he started to walk, his stomach curled into knots and his chest felt tight.

As he stepped onto the set he realized that the 'Hipster Queens' were two mid-twenty people, one male and one female. They were definitely dressing the part and clearly using the title as a shtick, but he didn't see it as a joke. He took that as some form of comfort and sat down in his appointed chair.

"Castiel welcome to the show!" The woman reached across the space between them, it wasn't all that big. "My name's Anna Milton, this is my brother Gabriel."

"Hey new guy," Gabriel offered a quick nod of acknowledgement.

Cas shook Anna's hand, still unsure of how to move on camera. "Nice to meet you both, thank you for letting me on your show."

"Well after that email who wouldn't?" She laughed and sat back again, very relaxed and comfortable being recorded. Cas envied that, though he used to be the same way. Something he'd have to get a handle on, apparently.

"Speaking of that email, you mind explaining why you're here, Cas?" Gabriel was just as comfortable, maybe more. Anna had an air of professionalism to her, Gabriel not so much.

"Uhm, well there's a few reasons I suppose, but I wanted to tell my story." He started and found himself freezing up, his fingers tangled around the most fabric they could get to and his jaw felt clenched constantly. He took another long breath and glanced at the audience, hoping to see Dean.

They were right in the front, smiling and offering supportive gestures like a thumb up. Desirae waved and he fought the urge to wave back, it was close but he managed to keep that down. The important thing was that they were there, they were all with him. Dean mouthed something then that Cas didn't get for a second, but the second it dawned on him he could only smile. It's okay, Cas.

"And… what's your story?" Anna asked curiously, Cas knew that the words 'human experiments and cloning' were involved with that email so of course they'd be excited for that scoop.

Cas readied himself and looked at them more confidently, "Well, the email that got me here mentioned experiments, cloning, and people, more or less. It started a little over four years ago, I just graduated and was going to work my summer job to try and save enough to go to college."

As he spoke he watched their expressions, letting the words come as they pleased to tell what he needed to. The experience was a deeply connected world that he'd never forget, it could put him on auto-pilot and still come out coherently. The more he said the less he felt tied to it, stating the horrors so obviously and calmly felt relieving. He was taking his nightmares into reality to show them in the world's light. To him it made things seem far less overwhelming, he could see aspects of it more objectively and take away the unknown fears.

To the hosts it wasn't so uplifting. Cas could describe his torment with a straight face but in so much detail that those listening could almost feel it themselves. Maybe they could, he wasn't sure if he could connect to people when they were awake. The room was heavy, he could see it on others' faces but couldn't feel it himself. Knowing that made him glance Dean's way, a smile shared between them.

"That's a lot to take in," Anna said a little more solemnly after the retelling. "You're telling us that you're hiding a pair of wings under that coat of yours?"

"Or that you have clones hanging around in government custody?" Gabriel added, his eyebrow raised casually though Cas could tell he wasn't nearly as chill as before.

"Yes, that's right." He decided to approach their doubt calmly, like he'd intended from the start. "Would you believe me if I showed them to you?"

The Miltons looked at one another for about a second before they nodded and looked back at him. "I'd believe it more, yeah." Gabe replied with a nod.

"Would you mind?" Anna was very sweet, Cas liked her.

"Not at all." He stood up, decided to do them a ratings favour and turn toward the camera a little more before dropping his coat. His wings stretched and shook out a little bit, he couldn't wait to stop using that thing to hide them. Cramming them into small spaces was quickly becoming his least favourite thing. Though having that as his biggest issue in life was such a blessing, he couldn't even bring himself to complain.

The audience that wasn't his family gasped in awe when he moved them. Having them spread out was impressive but being able to use them was more proof than that. Cas adjusted them to be comfortable and looked at Anna and Gabriel, "How's this?"

Anna blinked a few times and then looked to her brother to continue speaking, she was at a loss for words. Gabriel laughed and ran his hand through his hair, "You're for real?" He asked and Cas nodded again. "Holy shit, can I touch one?"

Cas looked toward Dean and the others quickly, a nervous habit. "I… I would be more comfortable if you didn't touch them." He was worried they would think that his wings were fake if he said no, but he really didn't want to give himself up to be touched. If he did it at the start it might become a thing, he didn't want that.

"Alright, that's cool," Gabriel nodded absently, still staring at the extra appendages.

Anna followed Castiel's glance to the audience, "Are those your family, the ones you talked about?"

"They are, yes." Cas fidgeted a little more, feeling exposed and unable to push his nerves back.

"Can we ask them to come up here?"

Cas hadn't detailed Desirae's situation, he didn't talk about her much to save that for her to share. That was probably the only reason he hesitated to say yes. He turned back toward the others, Jet was looking at Rae and something was shared between them that made both smile.

"If they want to come up," he said then and looked back to Anna and Gabriel.

Dean was up there first and went right to Cas' side. The other staff helped move on extra seats and fit them with microphones too, more of a background thing as the hosts continued the show.

"So this is all real?" Gabriel reiterated as the whole team walked on. "This is the team?"

"Well we're missing a good friend, Bobby Singer." Cas felt a little bad that Bobby wasn't there with them. Though maybe he'd had enough of the crazy adventures for a while.

"More like a father of the group," Dean added after getting his mic on. "But yeah, it's all real."

Jet lifted up his arm and moved the hanging sleeve, "This is still pretty fresh otherwise I'd show you the scars."

"Think we're good on that one," Gabe winked with a smile, though Cas could see a little bit of gross-out discomfort there too.

"You must be Jet then," Anna looked at him and he nodded. "And judging by your closeness, you must be Dee."

"Dean," Dean corrected her, "Only Cas calls me that."

"It's better that way," Michael agreed.

"Cas, could you introduce everyone? After a tale like that I'm sure our audience would love some clarification." Anna smiled and looked to the crowd that clapped in response.

"Oh, of course." Cas looked at everyone around him to make sure he knew where they were all seated, "Well you already guessed Dee and Jet. That's Sam, Charlie, Mike, Nikki, and Desirae." He knew that any information involving Rae was a bit hazier, and that his story didn't totally line up around her. He was sure they'd ask about it, but at least he had everyone with him.

"You've got quite the crew," Gabriel remarked, he looked impressed. "Maybe next time we can get ol' Bobby up here too."

"We'd have to ask him," Cas was pretty sure Bobby didn't want to be on TV.

Desirae looked up at Jet and stood on the couch beside him to whisper in his ear. Cas glanced over, he hadn't quite heard her but Jet whispered something like 'Go ahead whenever you want sweetheart.' She then moved over to where Cas and Dean were sitting, climbed up to his ear and whispered to him too.

"Can you tell them?" She was far more shy than Cas had expected but he realized he should've known better. She was still very small, after all.

"Yeah," he smiled and looked back at their hosts, "I didn't tell you part of the story because it wasn't mine to tell, but Desirae think she wants you to know now."

Anna and Gabriel both leaned forward, ready to hear whatever it was.

"Jet found Desirae in one of MacLeod's cages, she was abducted from an orphanage before she could remember. She's enhanced like I am, used in experiments similar to mine and was even given my DNA. Unlike my clones she was her own person before any of that happened, so she's developed differently than I have from the same tests." Cas held her hand supportively, she was shaking and speechless but didn't tell him to stop. "She has some of my innate knowledge and acts more adult, knows more than a child her age normally would, and can function like an older kid. She's as much a young adult as she is a child, so when she decides to share with you don't be surprised that she can use full sentences. And lastly, like I said earlier, many of us were spliced with different animals; she got a snow leopard. So, you know, I'm still the only one with wings."

Desirae smiled a little and glanced up at him thankfully, he watched her then as he realized she'd stopped trembling after he took her hand. She looked at the Miltons, "I was the one who translated some of Cas' growling before he could talk."

"That's a big task," Gabriel's expression seemed to soften a bit when he saw the small kid on set.

"It was pretty easy, he didn't say anything that complicated." Desirae took her hand away from Cas' and started pull the sweater off over her head. Before Cas could think to help Jet was already beside her making sure it came off properly without taking anything extra with it.

The audience's reaction was a mixture of 'that's really cute' and 'holy shit that's real too?' as Rae shook out her ears and let her tail fall again.

"Oh my god," Anna covered her mouth, "You're so cute I might scream."

"She likes cats," Gabriel explained, trying to dismiss his sister's sudden rush of joy. "Cas you think you can fly a little for us? I'd love to see that."

"I can take you for a short flight, if you like." Cas offered and Gabriel started nodding immediately.

"That'd be awesome."

"It's a lot of fuckin' fun," Jet attested with a grin.

With a little extra set up and personal cameras, they moved everyone outside to get the show. Cas decidedly led Gabriel to the door with his wing instead of his arm, a controlled touch made when he wanted it was an acceptable form of contact in his opinion. He watched the shorter man's eyes light up when the realization dawned that those wings were legitimate.

Cas made a point to get his back on camera, he wanted people to see that those wings came through his skin and connected with muscle tissue and bone. He didn't want to have that questioned, it would be but he wanted to give as little reasoning for it as possible.

With permission from Jet and Desirae, Anna got to carry Rae out into the parking lot and loved every second of it. Both Sam and Jet stuck close to her side but they let it happen because Desirae was comfortable enough to do it, therefore they could stand to pretend they were too for a while.

Cas was pretty sure he'd never admit it, but he loved the sound people made when he picked them up and took off. He didn't care if it was adrenaline from terror or excitement, it always made his day. Gabriel wasn't quiet either, his scream turned into a cheer as Cas took flight with him. He loved flying so he didn't care how many times he would have to display that ability.

"This is so awesome and terrifying at the same time!" Gabe laughed, his fingers digging into Cas' skin a little bit.

Castiel could hear the shouts from below, people clapping and awestruck again. It wasn't every day they got to see something like Cas, especially on a low budget show that couldn't have possibly gotten the money together to fake a stunt like Cas. He looked at Gabriel with a smile, "Thank you again, I really appreciate you guys picking up our story."

"Hey," Gabriel's confidence that high up was a little impressive, "Thank _you_ for bringing this to us. You're gonna be a big deal, Cas."

He wasn't sure if that was comforting or scary, but he was looking forward to the challenge.


	102. Chapter 102

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you were asking about Gabe and Anna being around more, and I think they'll be here with us until the end of the story :3

Their premiering episode on Hipster Queens was that night though Cas had seen bits of himself every now and then online already. It wasn't much and he had to look really hard to find it, but it was there. Cas sat and watched someone's clip of him flying overhead, someone caught him taking off from town, and even part of the hospital incident. There wasn't a lot of traction but his story was slowly getting out, maybe it'd pick up speed later on.

"You're obsessing over that," Dean leaned over his shoulder suddenly and kissed him, taking him out of his thoughts completely. "Come on, we're playing Cards Against Humanity and you have to join us."

Cas giggled as Dean trailed kisses down his neck, nibbling on his collarbone until he melted. "Okay, okay! I'm coming, geez." He couldn't possibly be upset, things were going so well and he could only get better from where he'd been. "Are we gonna watch the show?"

"Of course, the TV will be on behind us and we'll unmute it when the show's on," Dean reassured him while also plucking him out of his chair. "Now let's go, you've spent enough time staring at the computer."

"I barely had any time online in the last four years, gimme a break." Cas laughed but didn't fight back, he just wrapped his legs around Dean's waist and let his boyfriend carry him down to the others. It wasn't a smooth trip, Cas kept their balance with his wings to keep them from falling. Dean wasn't too used to carrying people with extra limbs, it seemed.

"Should we really be playing this?" Sam asked with a glance toward Desirae.

"She's part Cas, don't worry about it." Jet shrugged it off and shared a grin with Rae.

"I'm already the lame one," Sam laughed, glancing over at Dean while he tried to carefully sit, they knocked a few things off the table but it went well enough.

"Not that new, is it?" Dean asked, pretending like none of that was his fault. Cas settled properly and looked at the cards the others had already set up, then the ones he'd knocked over.

"Sorry, I'll get those." He said quickly before leaning down to sweep his wing across the floor, the motion gathered all the cards he'd scattered for easier pick up. "You guys think the show will get big?" He asked as he sat upright again.

"Hard to say," Jet spoke up first, glancing between Dean and Sam before continuing. "Fame starts with luck in a lot of cases, depending on the type. Right place, right time, right show of skill."

"I'm sure it'll be real big," Desirae nearly cut Jet off, jumping in to be supportive instead of skeptically realistic. "First it's gotta air though, so just relax, Cas! Let's play."

Cas smiled warmly at her, "Thanks Rae, you're right."

"Good, then let's start this thing. Who's the Czar?" Dean looked around the group and Sam raised his hand.

"Before we start, does anyone have a favourite card?" Charlie asked as she looked at her hand, "When Cas and I played in the past we always had cards that would always get our vote almost indefinitely." She glanced up with a knowing smile aimed Cas' way, he didn't doubt she still knew what his was.

"Oh yeah," Dean laughed and shared a look with Sam and Jet, "I always love the one about shrimp."

"All-you-can-eat shrimp for $4.99," Jet recited with a nostalgic grin, "Yeah, pretty much every time."

"I adore the one about the micro-pig wearing booties," Cas squealed a little, his eyes squeezed shut as he did it. He couldn't help it, just the image of a tiny piglet wearing booties was too much to handle.

"Bees?" Sam joined in the fun, "Mostly because of how unsure the card itself is."

"Nah," Jet waved it off, "Every time an actor or famous person is used in a humourous way I usually fold."

"Jet's more situational than focusing on one card," Dean nudged his buddy playfully.

"Mike always laughs at the inappropriately used cards," Cas pointed out when he noticed his brother's silence.

"Nazis," Charlie chimed in with a laugh and Michael tried to brush them both off with a shrug.

"Dead babies," Cas pushed it and Charlie couldn't resist continuing.

"The gays."

"Auschwitz-"

"Okay, okay!" Michael waved his hands at them as if it'd get them to stop.

"Weirdly specific cards always make me laugh," Charlie was nice enough to switch the focus.

"Simple ones don't get you, huh?" Jet looked at her and she shook her head.

"Not as much."

"Not even balls?"

"I'm not into those, so not usually." She raised an eyebrow, unable to fight the smirk on her lips. "Good try though."

"Let's start," Sam cut in and picked up a question card to get the ball rolling. "What is Batman's guilty pleasure?"

With Sam's gaze angled away the team each picked their cards and placed them face down randomly scattered in front of him. Cas couldn't quite remember the last time he'd played, he knew that Charlie had the original pack and they'd used it a lot but specific times were a little fuzzy. He didn't really care what they played, he was happy to be spending time with his family in any way.

The game went fast, they played 'first to ten awesome points wins' and Cas was surprised to see Charlie with the winning number. Surprised and not surprised at all, he knew she was funny but he thought he stood more of a chance with a bigger group. Apparently his sense of humour wasn't the same as everyone else's, aside from Desirae every now and then but he wasn't sure he could count that.

"Fuck I was so close!" Jet cursed as he waved his nine cards at her, "Best two out of three!"

"Wait," Sam turned the TV off mute, "I think it's starting soon."

Cas could've sworn that Sam had a sixth sense because the commercial break ended right at that moment and the intro to Hipster Queens started. He leapt out of his spot by the table and hurried over to the couch to watch, eyes wide and nerves entirely bundled too tight. Desirae was just as quick as him, nestled into a spot and watching for the magic to happen. Neither cared where the others sat as the whole group joined them in the living room; it was too intense to see them on television in the first place.

His heart was in his throat as he watched the episode play out, he worried about how they'd edit his story but it was barely touched. They left most of it in other than any repetition; it was put together very well. Cas hadn't heard the story from his own mouth before; it was simultaneously interesting and terrifying to him. He could analyze his own face, see the little changes in his mood and hear his own inflections. Cas couldn't take his eyes away until the episode cut to commercials again.

Cas exhaled lightly and looked at the others, finding a slightly nervous air about them. "What?" he asked tentatively and Jet was the first one to crack a smile.

"You stared at your own face so hard we thought you might've been freaking out a little bit."

Cas paused and felt a laugh bubbling up in his chest, "Yeah, I guess I could see why you'd be anxious about that."

"So what did you think of it?" Dean asked as he leaned in close, stealing a kiss before Cas could answer him.

"It was really good," Cas lit up at the chance to tell them. "So far I think they left everything in, I mean I know I stuttered a few times in there but I didn't see that so it's really nice to see them show me in a more competent light and-"

"Breathe," Michael instructed and Cas listened immediately, realizing he was starting to talk too fast with no breaks.

"Right," he smiled apologetically and looked back at Dean, "Anyway, what I mean is that I really like it."

"I got that," Dean hadn't stopped smirking at him and Cas started to feel a little squirmy under that gaze.

"I mean," he started but stopped himself, Dean looked so happy for him. "I mean I'm glad they portrayed it seriously, but I don't like…" Cas fidgeted and turned away to face the TV instead. No one interrupted him; they stayed quiet and watched him for however long it took. He wanted to wait until the commercials were over again to give himself more time, but that felt like cheating. "I don't like how I explain it." He simplified it instead and turned back to Dean, just a little glance to see what he might be thinking.

Dean's eyes were on him, as sincere and intense as ever. "Do you think you need to tell it again?" Dean asked more innocently and Cas shook his head. "Is it more of a feeling then the actual words?"

"Yeah," Cas nodded and stared blankly at the screen, his eyes seeing the broadcast when it wasn't there, seeing Anna and Gabriel sitting across from him with shocked expressions. "Everything I said was so intense and harsh, I barely covered the good things that happened after."

Dean smiled and inched closer until Cas nearly had to climb onto him to stay in the same spot. Arms wrapped around his middle and kisses were pressed against the nape of his neck. It was calming though Cas still wanted to hear what Dean had to say about it. "We'll get there," Dean told him softly, "Right now it's about you and Desirae, the rest of us should be the after thought."

"But you're not an after thought to me," Cas argued, firmly turning so he could look Dean in the eye. "I don't want you to be left out of anything."

"I'm not," Dean didn't seem affected by it at all, hell he looked a little proud. "I'm right here with you, even if I'm not in the spotlight I'm always right here."

"Oh my god," Jet droned and received a smack from Sam.

"Don't even pretend you're not as cheesy as Dean is."

"I'm not pretending anything."

"It's back!" Desirae called and they all turned back to the screen.

Their story was an hour long special and the second the credits hit Cas' phone rang. He'd completely forgotten that he had one again, but he picked up all the same. "Hello?"

" _Hey pretty boy, did you see the show?"_

"Oh, hi Gabriel. Yeah we just finished watching it."

" _We've already gotten some calls about you, bro! People are asking for your contact information and stuff like that, I told 'em I'd talk to you."_

Cas smiled and leaned against Dean, getting cozy with his boyfriend's arms around him and kisses still left on his skin. "It sounds like you're interested in more than just giving my information."

" _Well what can I say? You're something special and Anna and I don't really want to lose that."_

"You understand I'm special because of science experiments, right?"

" _Yeah, but you're a survivor with stories to tell. You're interesting and I'm not the only one who wants to latch onto that."_

Cas could hear Anna in the receiver too, he couldn't quite make out what she was saying but it sounded a lot like 'give me the phone.' "Is Anna there?" he asked and heard the exaggerated sigh start before Gabriel could even get into full swing.

" _Yeah, hold on."_ Some muffled sounds passed and Anna took over.

" _Hi Cas, sorry about him."_

"It's okay, he's transparent at least."

" _A blessing and a curse. But he doesn't speak for both of us, I don't know what you want to do with this but since you came to us I think you want people to know about this, right?"_

"I do."

" _Well I want to help you in whatever way I can,"_

Cas liked the Milton siblings, he wasn't sure what he was in for and they seemed like they knew a little bit about the entertainment business. Having connections was a big deal with getting work, but that wasn't why he wanted to stay around them. They were funny and understanding, he liked their dynamic. "Let's be friends," he stated with a smile.


	103. Chapter 103

Cas was losing a little bit of time every here and there, forgetting what hour it was or when he needed to do something. There were so many people who wanted to talk to him and he did his best to connect to them, sometimes that resulted in him sitting on the phone longer than he thought or using Skype for hours. It wasn't a bad thing, he didn't mind it and Dean was always right there with him to help if he needed it.

Their episode blew up bigger than he would've thought in the short amount of time after it aired. The little clips he'd been watching on obscure channels started to appear all over the place, shots of his wings or Desirae. People were trying to catch a glimpse of him, some wanted to hear his story or ask questions about the things he'd said on the air. He even ended up on a radio show or two and it had only been a few weeks.

"You look tired," Dean smiled and kissed his forehead, Cas immediately dropped back against his boyfriend and let his weight either be caught or dropped to the floor unexpected.

He got lucky, Dean's reflexes were pretty quick. "Not that tired," he said as he smiled up at Dean, "It's a lot in a few days, that's all."

"Tell me about it," Dean pulled up a chair once Cas regained his own balance and sat upright. "Jet and Sam have been handling most of the phone calls around Desirae, though some people just really want to talk about Jet's experience. Hell, we're all being asked for our side of the story since we're all so close to it. Bobby told me he got bombarded at the grocery store yesterday."

"Ooh," Cas cringed and laughed softly, "That's unfortunate, is he okay?"

"Yeah, he told them to get lost." Dean smirked and looked at the way Cas' reclaimed Facebook was blowing up. "You regret doing this yet?"

"Not even a little," Cas watched with endearment as his friend requests went off. "I mean, maybe reactivating my Facebook was a bad move but whatever."

"You can set it to like celebrity status, can't you?" Dean furrowed his brow and leaned in, "I mean, I can't just send requests to Robert Downey Jr. so there's gotta be a way to do it."

"Maybe," Cas shrugged again and closed the tab, "But I'll look into it later, maybe Gabe or Anna could handle that for me." He drummed his fingers on the table as he thought over what he was going to do next, "I wanted to call Captain Stevens and see how everything is going over there."

Dean nodded, "That sounds good, we haven't touched base for a little while." Cas was grateful that Dean was so supportive, keeping him close was the best idea he'd ever had. Dean just smiled and watched as Cas dialled, putting it on speaker phone for the both of them.

" _Hello, Captain Grant Stevens speaking."_

"Hello, this is Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester, how are you?"

" _Ah, good evening, I'm well and we have a few updates for you."_

"That's why we called," Dean was fairly upbeat, it didn't seem that any news could be bad news at that point in time.

" _All living suspects have been apprehended and questioned that were on the list, and some that weren't. It turns out that there were a few individuals not mentioned in the lists because they weren't scientists, but clean-up crews."_

"I guess that makes sense," Cas glanced at Dean, "I mean a bunch of living creatures killing each other would make for some mess."

" _Yeah, speaking of, my team wanted to thank you for leaving so many bodies."_ Stevens laughed and Cas could hear others nearby him laughing and cracking jokes too.

Cas just smiled and shook his head, "You're welcome, I guess."

" _Back to the clean-up crew, I thought you would want to know that one of them was Rufus Turner. You all mentioned him at one point in your stories, you might want to know that he was taken into custody as well."_

Cas wasn't sure what to say, he looked at Dean who stared at the phone as wide-eyed as he was. They shared a glance that said nothing more than 'what the fuck' between them. "That's… really shitty." Dean managed to say, Cas could hear the anger starting to rise in his voice. "Can't say I expected it but I'm not surprised either…"

" _Mr. Turner told us he was unaware that any experiments had been freed, he never would've returned otherwise. I'm glad he didn't manage to shoot you."_

"Thank you," Cas reached over and took Dean's hand, he did it without thinking and was silently glad for that reaction. Dean squeezed and created a small wave of relief, Cas knew he was safe, it was just bad news. Unfortunate.

" _Is there anything else I can help you with?"_ Stevens asked after a moment of silence.

"I guess just keep us informed if anything comes up," Dean replied for them both, Cas wasn't sure what to think just yet.

" _There are a few things though I'm not sure if now is the time, maybe you'd like time before-"_

"Now is fine," Cas interrupted as kindly as he could, "I'd like to know, please."

" _Very well,"_ Stevens didn't sound upset, ebbing a little of Cas' guilt for forcing the conversation. _"A facility is being set up for proper care of your clones, so far none have shown the level of intelligence that you all described so we'll see what happens in that regard. Fergus MacLeod has been investigated further and we discovered some of his connections. A short list of buyers is currently being looked into, he was known as Crowley on the black market. It seems majority of his fortune was acquired by selling his experiments, though he used to work for the government before his work went over the line many years ago."_ There was a pause as the Captain let them take in the information. _"Once we speak with these possible buyers we'll be looking for any other operations like the one MacLeod had set up."_

Cas leaned back in his chair, not letting go of Dean's hand he sighed and tried to let any building stress out with it. "Thank you for telling us," he was pretty sure the information about Rufus was harder to take but it was never fun to hear about MacLeod. He hated that man for everything that happened, and if it were possible he'd kill MacLeod again. Maybe he'd make it bloodier, but he would have definitely prolonged it.

Though the reality of the situation wasn't really that pleasant either. The way he'd killed MacLeod was almost entirely mental, the nightmares he put that man through were horrific and Cas really didn't want to remember the details. He smiled to himself at the thought, maybe he'd already done everything necessary involving MacLeod's torture.

He'd spaced out for the last of the conversation with Stevens, Dean had finished it up and turned the phone off for him. Cas looked up at his boyfriend, watching little crinkles in his skin, "Are you okay?" he asked and Dean's gaze snapped back to him.

"Yeah I'm good, just not sure what Bobby's gonna say about this." He ran his hand through his hair and Cas took that opportunity to steal a little kiss.

"It'll be okay," He said softly and wrapped his arms around Dean's shoulders, "The important thing is we all made it out, the rest we can take one step at a time."

Dean smiled and kissed him back, slower and more deliberate. "You're right, maybe I'll let him know later."

"Maybe when it all comes up again," Cas agreed as he slid into Dean's lap, "I don't really want to bring it up if no one else is thinking about it."

"Deal."

As their kisses turned more into making out Cas heard a light tap on the door just before it opened. "Hey guys?" Charlie peeked in, completely unfazed by the state of their increasingly messy hair. "We thought it'd be cool to take a picture, you want in?"

Cas lit up and nodded, slightly embarrassed but not really. "That sounds fun, who's all in?"

"Well it was Michael's idea, he wanted to put up a picture of the main crew that dealt with everything for the website I'm making." She was grinning and Cas could tell she was barely containing her excitement over the amount of attention they were getting. She'd volunteered to create a website, Cas had no idea what she'd all put on it but he was happy to help with it.

"I like it," Dean agreed and helped Cas stand up again.

"Can you guys get Jet and Rae from her room? I'll go grab Sam from the pool." Charlie was quick to disappear, happily running down the hall to get everybody ready.

"I'm not exactly wearing anything flattering," Cas looked down at his long-sleeved shirt, it was just plain and almost form-fitting, nothing website worthy.

"You look amazing, c'mon let's go get my favourite idiot," Dean took his hand and led him out of their room, successfully stopping him from standing in front of his wardrobe for ten minutes. Cas just laughed and went along with it.

When they walked into Desirae's room Cas kept his laughter to himself, Jet was sitting on a very short chair trying to entertain his daughter with a tea party. He looked up at them and waved a little, unaffected by their grins.

"What's up? Come to join us?"

"It's my first tea party!" Desirae chimed excitedly, lifting her little pot for them to see.

"Looks like fun," Dean walked in, tugging Cas along.

Cas was still getting used to Jet's prosthetic, he was going to be in surgery in the next few weeks but there was a temporary prosthetic on his arm to help balance him. It was very basic but it could do a few movements, he'd be upgrading soon and Cas was looking forward to seeing that.

"We're taking a picture downstairs," Dean told them as Cas tuned back into the conversation. "Charlie wants us for her website."

Jet smirked and looked at Rae, "I think it'd be cool to have a group shot, what you think kiddo?"

"Let's go, let's go!" Desirae had already put the teapot down and was hurrying to the door.

Before Cas knew it they were all piled outside and lined up, Cas was conscious of where his wings were, making sure not to knock anyone out of the picture. "You sure you don't want to be in it?" he looked at his brother who shook his head.

"Nope, I'm not a main focus of this thing, you guys are the ones everybody wants to see." Michael stated as he moved in and pushed Charlie a little more into frame. He stepped back and stared at them for a few seconds; Jet was holding Desirae on one side, Sam stood slightly behind them but close to make sure he could help Jet if Rae fell. Then it was him and Dean; he had is arm around Dean's back and Dean just draped his arm over Cas' shoulders. And on the other side stood Charlie, Michael couldn't figure out where to place her to get the shot right. He moved her back to where she was originally and glanced at Cas, "Cas, could you spread your wings out?"

He did as he was told, smiling as Michael nodded vigorously. At least no one could say that Mike wasn't invested in their public image. It took longer to set them up than to let everyone get ready, but if the picture turned out nice then it wouldn't really matter all that much.

"Alright," Michael readied the camera, "Everyone smile! Three, two, one!"

* * *

 


	104. Chapter 104

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I wanted to thank you all for joining me with this story and supporting me so much throughout. I have one more chapter left, it'll be a small time skip to show where they're at and that'll be it. If you have questions now is the time to ask them (especially if I haven't thought of it because that happens sometimes lol)

" _So Castiel, what's next for you? The world wants to see and hear more about the human angel."_

_He laughed and looked up toward the cameras for a moment, his eyes trailing beyond it to the crew and where Dean was smiling and offering a support thumb's up. "I don't know about this human angel business, but I've had a lot of things in mind for my life since I got out of that basement." Cas looked back at the host, he couldn't even remember which show he was going to be on but it was alright. He didn't need to know at that moment, he could just ask Anna since she kept track of that stuff. Or maybe Gabriel since he was the one doing a lot of the hunting for the best places to get exposure._

" _Would you mind sharing?"_

" _Of course," he mentally scolded himself for getting lost in thought, even if it wasn't a live discussion they could still edit him to look like a space cadet. "I mean I've done a lot of things that I aimed to do already; I put those scientists behind bars, I'm living with my favourite people, and I'm even in one of the US' major cities." He paused and smiled to himself, absently looking down at his fidgeting fingers. "I've got more in my life than I ever could've asked for, it feels wrong to want more than that."_

" _That sounds beautiful, Cas. But isn't there something missing that you would've loved to do?"_

" _Actually when I graduated from high school I was aiming to go to a music school. I wanted to become a singer," Cas explained, dodging the thought that jumped to mind first. While the idea of proposing to Dean on a television show would've been kinda cool, Cas felt he could do better with the delivery._

" _A singer?" The host lit up and looked toward the camera for effect for a moment, "Well I'm sure we'd all love to hear something."_

_Cas blinked a few times in surprise though he really should've known that would be the reaction. He nodded with a quick, sharp inhale. "Sure, I guess I could do that. Do you have any music, or…?"_

" _Nothing set up, just give us something off the top of your head!"_

" _Promise not to laugh," Cas pointed at him and the host raised raised three fingers in response._

" _Scout's honour."_

* * *

 

That had been a few days ago.

Cas just sang a few parts of the old high school tune he'd sung for his old classmates. To him it sounded off because he hadn't warmed up but it seemed to be enough for Gabriel and Anna to work with. He had another interview on their show, Hipster Queens had blown up quite a bit from his original appearance and they'd managed to increase the audience seating area over the time that had passed since then. They set up a whole show around it, more questions on how his life was going and of course ending on a performance made by him.

He'd be facing at least a hundred people as far as he knew, not including the ones that would watch the footage afterward.

Just like before, Desirae was invited to join him. Her involvement in the world wasn't as large as his, though she was getting braver each day. With a little help from Gabriel's pestering, they learned that Desirae's singing capabilities were linked to Cas' DNA. She had quite a set of lungs on her for someone her age, and who didn't love a good child singer?

"How's it going?" Dean walked over to him, Cas was sitting quietly by himself in his little 'dressing room' set up.

"I'm getting ready," Cas smiled at him, "Are you guys alright?"

"Yeah, we helped set up the chairs for everyone who wants to be on during the questions," Dean looked around and grabbed a stool to sit on. "Desirae's a little nervous, still."

"She usually is," Cas sighed and looked at his mirror, at his own face and every little inkling of doubt he could see there. The nightmares had subsided more, but he still had them once in a while despite sleeping with Dean. He'd wake up to Dean shaking him, he was always terrified and confused more than anything. Not that that affected Dean, his partner always seemed to know what was going on and it never seemed to bother him.

" _It's okay,"_ Dean would tell him and sometimes that was all Cas needed to hear.

"It's hard to believe we're here right now…" he whispered, eyes still drawn to themselves as a soft glow lingered.

Dean leaned into Cas' view, smiling wide as he dropped his head onto Cas' shoulder. He didn't say anything but that was all Castiel really needed at that moment. They held one another's hands, a firm squeeze shared as they both laughed a little.

"Thanks babe," Cas turned and kissed his cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too," Dean stood up again, pulling lightly on Cas' arm until he rose as well. "We'll be in this together, no matter where it goes."

Cas had no idea how he'd gotten so lucky with Dean, but here they were all the same. "You mean the world to me, you know that right?"

"Likewise," Dean cupped his cheek then and they shared a longer kiss despite hearing the call for everyone to be in their places soon.

"Come on guys," Jet shouted at them, a little more exasperated by their absence than the others, it seemed.

"Sorry," Dean called back though Cas could tell he didn't really mean it. "Be right there, I promise."

"Sure, but hurry up dude." Jet waved and walked off, he had his hands full with Desirae anyway, couldn't waste time with them.

Cas held onto Dean with a hug and stayed there for several moments that passed far too quickly.

"It'll be okay," Dean told him and Cas laughed.

"I know, I just… I would have loved to be a singer before, now things are so different I don't really know what I want to do." He let his head rest on Dean's shoulder, "I mean, what if I'm not that good and this doesn't work?"

"After everything that's happened you still don't know how amazing you are?" Dean scoffed light-heartedly and reached up to pet the back of Cas' head.

"Just because I've come a long way doesn't mean I don't get nervous."

"I know, I know," Dean turned and kissed whatever part of him that was in reach. "You've got this. If you make it big and decide you don't want to do it forever then you can stop, no harm done."

Cas nodded, "I guess so." He leaned back and nodded toward the stage, "We should join them."

"Probably." Dean took his hand and they walked to their places, waiting to be called out. Cas could hear the murmur of the crowd as Gabriel opened the show, he was cheery and loud. His energy was exactly what was needed for a show like that, it drew people in right away and got them ready for whatever surprise guest that was coming.

Cas didn't know if those people knew who was going to be on stage, he didn't know how Gabriel and Anna set those things up or advertised. But that didn't matter, a crowd that much bigger – someone had to have watched his first episode. Someone in that audience was there because Hipster Queens was the first show to air Castiel Novak at all.

"Please welcome our special guests!" Gabriel called and they were ushered forward into the spotlight. Cas saw Sam and Jet enter on one side of the stage, Charlie and Desirae from the other side, while Cas and Dean walked on from the center. It was surreal to hear the roar of the cheering that came next, people were ecstatic to see them and their reaction only told him they had no idea who they'd see that day.

"I'm sure you all know these guys," Anna continued as they all found the seats they'd been assigned from rehearsal. "Castiel Novak and his family, Dean and Sam Winchester, Desirae and Jet Tull, and Charlie Bradbury were gracious enough to join us again tonight!"

Cas looked at the audience, the smiling faces and wide-eyed expressions that greeted him were a little comforting. He smiled and waved timidly at a small group that were excitedly hoping to get his attention, they jumped together with even more energy after that. Dean subtly pinched his side to get his attention back to their hosts.

"Welcome back, Cas." Anna smiled warmly at him and Cas flushed.

"I… I was just waving at the crowd." He pointed and she laughed.

"I meant welcome back to the show, but that too I guess."

Cas chuckled awkwardly and silently wished he could hide behind Dean for a while. "Thanks for having us again," he said despite his public speaking worries.

"We love you here," Gabriel chimed in with a grin, "Gets us serious ratings."

Anna rolled her eyes, "So guys, how have things been since the last time we had you?"

"Crazy," Jet stated, always quick to get the first word in.

"We've been enjoying the ride," Charlie added happily, "Got a webpage set up for these guys, we do some blogging and videos once in a while."

"I saw some of those," Gabriel pointed at her, "You guys don't seem to relax much."

"We relax when the cameras aren't on," Sam said, "I mean, if we're posting things then we're not really relaxing, are we?"

"Guess not," Gabe chuckled.

"Things have been going really well for us," Cas explained, his fingers intertwined with Dean's to help ease his anxiety. It was doing wonders for him, he felt a lot better with just that little touch. "Dee and I have been working through some things, I have far fewer nightmares than I used to. I've gotten more comfortable with public appearances," he glanced toward the audience with a half-hearted smile, "Though I still have some work to do there."

"You're doing great," Anna encouraged him, "We can't even tell."

Cas laughed, "You're being nice, but thank you."

"C'mon," Charlie leaned forward to look at him, an eyebrow raised and a smirk on her face. "You were great with public appearances, if anything you've only gotten more awesome. Try to relax, I know you're good at this."

He was a little surprised to get that while in front of so many people, but it wasn't unappreciated. Cas smiled and took a deep breath to keep himself tearing up about it. "Thank you Charlie, I needed that."

"WE LOVE YOU CAS!" A cheer erupted from part of the audience and suddenly there was clapping. Cas was sure that some of it had to do with 'Applause' signs, but it was too enthusiastic for him to think it was all attributed to that.

There was something rising in him he hadn't felt in a long time, probably since before the experiments. Confidence brought his voice out of hiding and straightened his posture. He smiled bright, a genuine smile that he hadn't shown such a large group in ages. Every question asked was easy to him, he answered without an issue and even continued on with a story if he had one. Sometimes he even beat Jet to the punch, though he still thought his friend was wittier.

Anna spotlighted Cas, but Gabriel would ask the others questions to even it out a little bit. Castiel was the main focus so he got the most attention, he didn't mind much though he liked hearing his family tell their stories.

"Couldn't help but notice your arm," Gabriel gestured toward Jet who lifted the prosthetic with a knowing smile.

"Yeah, gonna be going in for an upgrade next week." He said with bright eyes and more hope than Cas had seen in him in a while. "I picked out the one I want, it should have way more mobility than this one does."

Jet's enthusiasm for his arm was as heartbreaking as it was warming, Cas decided a while ago to focus on the latter but it wasn't always easy.

"I really have to thank my mom and Sam for all the help," Jet's tone became a little more somber but he was still smiling. Nikki had stayed with them for a while but they said goodbye to her only a few days previous. She had a home to get back to and friends who missed her back home, Jet was doing so much better and she stayed until he'd gotten a little used to his first prosthetic. "Everyone's been here for me but those two really took the brunt of my shit. So thanks mom," He said to the camera then looked at Sam with such a heartfelt smile Cas almost cooed about it. "Thanks babe."

Sam looked emotional for a moment and leaned over to hug Jet as the crowd made the sounds that Cas held back. His face was just as emotional though, he couldn't help it he just loved romance stories so damn much.

Once everyone calmed down Gabriel turned to look at Desirae, "How are you doing, kid?"

"I'm alright," She definitely had stage fright, Cas knew her to be so upbeat and loud at home but suddenly she was as timid as a mouse.

"Yeah? You learning anything cool right now? I hear you don't need to go to school for a while."

Rae's lips were pressed tightly together, she fidgeted with the end of her sleeves as she glanced at Sam and Jet for some help. Sam put his hand on her upper back, gently encouraging her to continue on her own. "I… I have some of Cas' mind so I know some stuff he knew." She looked over at Cas and Dean, both giving a thumb's up but not answering for her. She then looked at Charlie who took her hand.

"Rae's been doing a lot of stuff at home," Charlie was so sweet, Cas couldn't fault her for taking over when the rest of them wanted Desirae to step forward. "Jet's been teaching her some dances, Michael and Dean take turns showing her different movies. Sam and I have been helping her get an online presence, and Cas sings with her."

"Yeah," Desirae lit up a little, "I think my favourite is dancing with dad, but watching movies is fun too if they weren't so long."

"Which movie is your favourite so far?" Anna asked, happy to get on board with talking to Desirae. It was rare that anyone got something out of her, Cas usually did most of the talking when they were together in the public eye.

"Hmm…" Desirae furrowed her brow and looked at Dean, then into the audience where Michael was sitting and watching them. "I think… I can't say, it'll hurt someone's feelings."

"Michael and I have been trying to out-do the other, see who's movies she likes better." Dean explained and Gabriel snorted out a laugh.

"How about your favourite genre?" Anna tried again.

"I like horror movies best," Rae was quick to answer, "I wanted to see the Purge movie that's in theatres but I'm still too small, my dads don't like it when I watch stuff like that much."

Sam nodded but Cas noticed the swift wink Jet shared with Desirae, a proud smile on his face. Cas wasn't sure what Desirae's mental state was exactly, whether or not she was capable of watching horror movies or not. Part of him wanted to scold Dean for letting her see any, but another part remembered the things she'd already seen and the fact that she could speak like an older teen.

"Charlie said you sing with Cas," Anna's tone was gentle when speaking to Rae, Cas appreciated it. "Would you like to sing something with him?"

They had two songs lined up for each scenario, if Desirae wanted to join him then they'd go ahead and sing Adam Lambert's song 'Welcome to the Show.' If Cas went up on his own he'd chosen 'There's No Going Back' by Sick Puppies. Either way he was ready to go, he hoped Desirae understood that it was fine no matter what she decided.

The crowd was cheering as they waited for her answer, some of them were just doing to reassure her and show her they wanted to hear her sing. Some did it because they wanted to hear Cas, and then there were the ones who had witnessed his little segment on the previous talk show interview he'd been part of.

Whatever their reasons were, the audience's volume seemed to get to Desirae and she nodded at Anna, "I'll sing with him."

"Awesome!" Gabriel exclaimed as he stood up and gestured to the audience, "We've got a hell of a show for you people, get ready!"

Everything was so loud, Cas' ears picked up on so many things that were suddenly drowned out by the viewers' excitement over the coming performance. He could feel the thunderous roar that swept over the small space as he rose to his feet and headed for the two microphones suddenly set up center stage.

The few seconds before the song started and the audience had gone silent Cas felt his stomach tighten. It was anxiety but also anticipation, he knew he loved to sing to people, he knew he was good at it. Whatever he was about to do was either going to launch his career or get him to end it, but he was pretty sure he knew the answer to that.

Desirae looked up at him as the first note played and Cas smiled back at her, a small last second reassurance before he began.

* * *

 


	105. Chapter 105

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright guys, here we are! I can't believe it but we've made it to the end. I want to say thank you to everyone for reading and supporting me throughout this. I know I say that a lot but I really mean it. I love you guys, I hope you'll all buy it when I get this thing published :D

_2 Years Later_

" _And that was Castiel Novak's new single, Carry You, featuring his partner Dean Winchester reaching the top ten on America Top 40! Next we have-"_

Dean turned the radio down, a bright smile on his lips after hearing himself on the air for the very first time. "That was fucking awesome," he looked up at the others; everyone was sitting around the pool as the sun was setting. Perfect atmosphere to hear himself sing with Cas.

"You say that every time you hear it," Jet raised an eyebrow at him.

"The novelty wore off after the fifth time," Sam added, earning himself a nod from Michael.

"It's not Cas' best work," Charlie stated dramatically, mimicking a critic Dean nearly punched in the face a year ago. He just pointed at her with a knowing smile shared between them.

"I think it sounds as amazing as it did the first time," Cas walked up behind Dean and wrapped his arms around Dean's waist, head resting on his shoulder.

"Thank you," Dean beamed and kissed Cas' cheek. "You always were my favourite person."

Cas hummed in response and returned the kiss, wings curling around the two of them to close their space off a little bit more.

"Hey," Jet loudly interrupted them, raising a glass of what Dean assumed was whiskey, "I was your favourite person like two years ago, can my prize be to not see you guys snogging?"

"We could pay 'em back," Sam suggested with a coy touch along Jet's bare shoulder, leading down his chest.

"Okay, okay!" Dean waved his hands at them desperately, "I don't want to see that, I get it, I get it!"

"I don't mind," Cas didn't let go of Dean's waist; he could still feel Castiel's smile against his neck as more kisses were planted.

Dean didn't fight Cas off, Dean would never say no to affection from him. And while the others were tired of their song together he couldn't get enough of it. Cas' career as singer started off strangely as it was, it took time to build a reputation as an artist because everyone focused on the fact that he existed at all. Dean's presence in one of Cas' songs was such a milestone for both of them; it represented something between them that he couldn't explain.

Dean was so proud of who Castiel had become. Cas was amazing with his fans and did what he could to be connected to them, but at the same time he kept himself balanced. He set his own schedule for the most part and only worked as hard as he was willing to. It drove the Miltons up the wall, since they were part of his team and set up most of his appointments for him and all. Hell, it was Anna's idea to get Dean in on at least one song from Cas' second album. She told them it would be a cool easter egg, Dean didn't disagree.

He wasn't looking to be a performer of any kind; he was content just opening up a shop of his own. In fact Jet was his business partner in the whole thing, they got to work together daily and Dean couldn't even really say it was a job. It was a little convenience store that stocked whatever the hell they wanted, Dean was pretty sure the only reason it made money was because they were the ones running it. But he didn't care; he wanted to live more simply than the rich lifestyle would suggest.

Charlie on the other hand didn't care to 'get a real job,' as it were. She travelled with Castiel wherever he went and kept her website updated on everything he was doing. It was a full time job on its own but she adored it.

Sam was still going to college; he had quite the workload and it was only going to get worse once he got into law school. Regardless of how little Sam could be around Dean was still incredibly happy to see him succeeding. Michael started post secondary too, though he was still taking a ton of electives to decide on what he wanted. Dean didn't doubt that that'd be Michael's reality for several years, though he suspected a social sciences degree of some kind.

Desirae liked to jump between two options; sometimes she helped at the store and other times she went along with Cas and Charlie. While she had the opportunities and ability to be as famous as Cas was, Jet didn't want her to do that yet. He argued that she'd spent so much time without freedom that he wanted her to experience life a little first. It wasn't something anyone wanted to fight Jet on; he was the final say in whatever happened regarding Desirae other than Desirae herself. And she trusted Jet's judgment call, so freedom was her focus.

Dean still refused to fly so he didn't mind missing out on Cas' trips, other than the fact that he didn't get to see Castiel for a long period of time. He kept an eye on Charlie's blog to see what his baby was up to every day; he couldn't ever wait for them to come home. Sometimes Sam would kick his ass for complaining in close proximity to study sessions.

The small dreams they had previously seemed so far away, watching Kenny vs. Spenny at an ungodly hour in the morning was another universe. Dean tried not to let that kind of life disconnect him from his roots, whenever Cas would have to disappear for a long time Dean would go off on a road trip to see Bobby. If time permitted he'd bring Jet and Desirae along and drop them at Nikki's; other than when he was with Cas, those were some of his favourite times.

But being with Castiel would always be his first choice. He watched his angel stroll to the poolside, feeling the same fluttering anxiety in his chest and stomach that tormented him for the last week since he'd bought that damn ring.

Dean remembered the discussion they'd had about weddings after Gabriel and Anna took over as Cas' agents. He remembered them saying that waiting was the best choice, wait until Castiel's life was on a solid foundation. Well he waited and it was driving him crazy that he hadn't managed to make Castiel his husband yet. Buying the ring was easy, he knew what Cas would like and he was confident that it'd be perfect no matter what he did.

But his nerve ran thin when it came down to actually doing it. He'd talked to everyone but Cas about it by that point. Charlie told him to just do it. Michael eyed him harshly and warned him that it'd better be good. Desirae demanded that she get to be present whenever he managed to pull it off. Bobby had no idea but recommended making sure that Dean also liked the proposal. Nikki was as blunt as Charlie and told him not to wait too long or it'd lose its magic. Jet suggested going big but not cliché, which brought up the problem of what hadn't been done a thousand times already. And Sam told him to keep it simple and small, Cas' life was hectic enough without a giant show.

Dean liked Bobby's advice and Sam's addition to his situation was probably the one he'd go for. Surrounded by friends and family would make his proposal special no matter what, he just had to find the right moment.

Everyone was together now; Cas was taking a small vacation so he'd be home for a while. It was the best timing, he just heard their duet, the sun was setting and the weather was gorgeous. Perfect.

Except Dean's tongue was tied, watching the beauty that was his partner as Cas slipped out of his clothes revealing swimwear. Dean swallowed thickly, and just the sound of that brought Castiel's gaze back around to him.

"Is everything okay, Dee?"

His heart fluttered again and tears started to well up in his eyes. He fought them back and smiled, "Yeah, it's okay Cas."

Castiel's eyes flickered like they always did whenever he said that, Dean adored the look it created on his angel's face.

"Cas," he blurted out as Cas started to turn away again, interrupting and reversing the motion.

"Yes?"

Dean opened his mouth but stopped, "I…" he felt his chest tighten and knew the sign well, he took a moment to use his inhaler before trying again and chickening out. "I love you."

Cas' forehead creased a little as he clearly thought something had gone wrong, "I love you too," he said hesitantly and looked over at the others in the hopes someone would know what was going on. They were all smiling wide, not a single one of them all that keen on subtlety anymore. Cas' eyes widened when he looked back at Dean who had taken that opportunity to close the gap between them.

Dean kneeled down and Cas squealed before he could even say a word, pretty much tackling him to the ground as soon as his knee managed to touch down.

"Fuckin' finally!" Jet called playfully as the loud 'woo hoo's' and whistling from the others echoed over their property.

Dean could barely get ahold of himself between Cas' ecstatic kisses, not that he minded but he still wanted to get the ring out of his pocket where it had lived for days already. "So that's a yes?" He asked the second his mouth was free enough to do so.

"Yes!" Cas' eyes were so bright, it wasn't a warning flash but it was still pretty damn hard on the eyes in darker lighting. Dean didn't dare complain though, he was happy to accept that sign of Cas' joy even at the expense of his own eyesight.

Dean fished in his pocket and took out the ring, smiling as he opened it for Cas to see. "I've been waiting for the right moment."

Cas looked at it for a moment but his enamored expression was entirely meant for Dean. "That's so funny," he whispered, and as Dean furrowed his brow in confusion Cas kissed him again. "I have a very similar box in our room."

Dean dropped his head back and laughed, "Of course you do."

Cas just smiled and remained rested on Dean's chest, watching him like it was the first time he'd fallen. "Difference is I've had mine for almost two years now."

"Really?" Dean's looked at him, surprised more than anything. "How did you hide that from me for so long?"

"Like that's hard!" Jet snorted, Dean heard a light smack and was sure he could thank Sam for that later.

Cas just smiled.

A few minutes later they both had new accessories on their fingers, a tiny, little circular bond that held far more meaning than most would understand.

Music played and a riotous conversation about the significance of Pokémon Go's existence in the world escalated. Dean and Castiel slipped away, a quick little flight up to the roof to get a moment to themselves.

Cas stared up at the sky for the first few minutes; Dean couldn't take his eyes off his fiancé. It was a miracle he'd ended up with Castiel Novak, every moment they shared was a gift to him and he hoped that feeling would never fade.

"I couldn't even imagine the sky a few years ago," Cas whispered, his tone light and eyes like the stars he couldn't look away from.

"I couldn't imagine a lot of things that happened," Dean laughed softly and took Cas' hand. "I love you, Castiel."

Cas' wing curled around Dean and Cas laid his head against him, "I love you too, Dee."

* * *

[ ](http://zafonart.tumblr.com/post/147378532651/experimental-105-chapters-approximately-275000)

 


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